A/N: I... don't know what happened to the last chapter. All the one-shots are counted differently on FFnet, AO3 and my Google Docs. I'm shite at Maths and apparently counting as well so... Oops? But all the chapters are here (I've checked), so I... have no idea what's happening.
A/N #2: This whole chapter is just Ciel_of_the_Night's Contribution Part 4.1 lol (check out her much more fleshed-out Twilight fanfic on AO3, Twilight: New Dawn)
Forks, Washington, USA, 2005
Rosalie: You're not leaving the house dressed like that, Eddie
Edward: Stop. Calling. Me. That!
Rosalie: No
Edward:
Edward: Fuck you I do what I want
Rosalie: You're not wearing a pink sweater with yellow pants!
Emmett: *from across the house* HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA he's wearing WHAT
Edward: I'm not a girl dressed in booty shorts and a crop top, Rosie, leave my fashion choices alone
Rosalie: I know but you're my brother and everyone knows us! I'm not letting them see you like this, it's embarrassing
Edward:
Edward: YOLO
[He speeds out of the house, leaving Rosalie gaping.]
Rosalie: I'm going to kill him
Carlisle: Do it discreetly
Rosalie:
Alice:
Emmett:
Esme:
Jasper (whispering): Why Alice, why these people?
{Achievement Unlocked! •Black and Yellow? Pink and Yellow!•}
Forks, Washington, USA, 2005
Edward: What's wrong with pink and yellow? It's colourful!
Graham (on the phone): Yes darling, but… It sounds… How do I say this without hurting your feelings?
Edward: Are you suggesting I'm sensitive?
Graham: Not necessarily but you are a drama queen
Edward:
Edward: That's all you have to say? Of course I am! Have you met me?
Graham: *snorts* This is why I love you
Edward: Platonically, I hope
Graham: Of course darling, but I wouldn't mind upgrading to friends with benefits—
Edward: Goodbye, Graham
Graham (laughing): No, wait, don't go— *pft* I'm sorry Eddie—
Edward: NOT YOU TOO! TRAITOR!
Port Angeles, Washington, USA, 2005
[Edward drives to Port Angeles for a new passion project. He goes into the first grocery store he can find.]
Edward (to himself): Alright… I did this once, I can do it again…
Edward (to himself): Beans… But what kind? Hmm… The most common… No wait I'm rich I'll just buy all of them
Edward (to himself): And a grinder! I need a grinder! And— and some blood—but I can just ask Bella for that. Or Jacob. On second thought, he won't help…
Edward (to himself): What more? Oh! Something to pierce my skin; I'll need the venom!
Edward (to himself): Alright, I'm all set!
Grocery store worker: Wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf
{Achievement Unlocked! •Banned From Grocery Store•}
Forks, Washington, USA, 2005
[Edward has returned home. Rosalie, Emmett and Esme are in the living room.]
Esme: Welcome back, Ed— What, what is that?
Rosalie: Oh Lord no
Emmett: Sweet, a new project?
Edward: Yessss, so don't disturb me! And if Bella or Jacob calls, tell them I'm sick or something
[Edward leaves for the basement.]
Rosalie:
Rosalie: Eighty-six years. He's been a vampire for eighty-six years, why hasn't he learned?
Emmett: Old habits die hard?
Rosalie:
Rosalie: Try again, love
Forks, Washington, USA, 2005
[A few days later.]
Emmett: Should we be concerned? He hasn't left the basement for a week now
Alice: He does go to school tho
Emmett: Okay, except school
Rosalie: What's he even doing down there?
Jasper: Go find out
Rosalie: I'd rather not die. What's he buying, even?
Alice: … Stuff?
Rosalie: Have you seen anything? Any visions?
Alice: Nope
Rosalie: I'm calling Graham