First Christmas - CoAi Solstice 2023
By Crystal Snowflakes
This can be read as a sequel to "Bitter & Sweet", but it can also be read as a standalone. Enjoy!
I.
Shiho rubbed at her eyes and let out a small yawn before trying to refocus her attention on the bright screen contrasting sharply against the dimness of the home office. Her fingers tapped against the keys as she tried desperately to ignore the fact that the letters on the screen were slowly blurring together. Even with her best efforts though, she could barely get her mind focused enough to type anything.
That didn't mean she wasn't going to try. After all, she had been doing almost nothing but work on her thesis for weeks now, and she was almost done. The problem was, no matter how much she tried, nothing seemed to stick in her head long enough for her to write something down.
Midway through her next sentence though, her stomach began churning uncomfortably from hunger, and she felt a scowl twist at her lips.
"Again?" Shiho muttered, annoyed that her own body was rebelling against her—again.
She'd had some fruits and crackers just over an hour ago, so why did it feel like she hadn't eaten food in days? Maybe she could hold off eating for another hour? If she went downstairs to eat now, she would probably lose motivation to continue working after. That, and the last thing she wanted was to overeat, especially since there was a very high probability that it would make her nauseous later.
At this point though, all she really wanted to do was to take a warm bath to relieve the constant discomfort that wouldn't leave her alone and curl up in bed for an early afternoon nap. The prospect of having to get up and go downstairs to get food was more than intimidating at the moment; she wasn't even sure if she could muster the energy to drag herself down the stairs.
Shiho let out a huff of annoyance and leaned back into her chair, closing her eyes and massaging her temples in an attempt to ease the dull ache that throbbed against her skull.
Work, food, or sleep?
She didn't need to make a decision though, because the silence was broken by the quiet creak of the door, prompting her to open her eyes and turn her chair toward the noise.
Shinichi stood at the doorway, looking sheepish as he peeked his head inside. "Am I interrupting?" he asked softly, his expression one of slight amusement.
"No," she replied, reaching over to hit save on her document before closing the lid of her laptop. Stretching her arms above her head, she winced as her shoulders cracked loudly. "I needed a break anyway."
He chuckled and stepped further into the room, and she noticed—with more excitement than she'd care to admit—the bags: one of which was a plastic bag filled with what appeared to be several take-out containers, and it made her mouth water despite herself.
"No biting sarcasm? No cutting remarks?" he questioned, closing the door behind him before setting that one plastic bag down on his own desk. The rest of the bags went on the ground next to his desk. And then he had the audacity to walk towards the window to open the curtains and let in the early afternoon sun, causing a cascade of warm light across her desk as it filtered into the office space before settling himself down in his chair. "Are you feeling charitable today? Or perhaps you're hungry?"
He was blissfully unaware that if he wasn't her husband—damn him—then she probably would've strangled him.
Instead, Shiho sent a mock glare at him briefly before rolling her chair away from her desk and closer to his, her feet dragging on the floor the whole way.
"Ha. Ha. Very funny. Don't forget that this," she retorted sarcastically as she gestured to herself, "is your fault. All of it."
Shinichi laughed—the sound soft and warm and filled with more affection than she felt like she deserved—before he took a seat in his own chair next to her, leaning close enough that their thighs brushed against each other. His hand grazed the slight bulge of her belly, and there was an unmistakable glint of pride and adoration in his gaze that made her heart swell with emotions.
"You're beautiful."
It was hard to not blush or smile when he looked at her like that—when he said such things without hesitation, without a hint of embarrassment. She had never imagined—not in her wildest dreams—that she would end up here. That they would end up here. Together.
"Why are you off work so early anyway?" she mumbled, leaning forward to rest her chin against the palm of her hand as she willed her cheeks not to flush any darker.
"With the Professor out of the house today, I figure you wouldn't remember to eat and rest." Shinichi smiled knowingly, reaching over to tuck a stray lock of hair behind her ear, his finger lingering against the side of her face before he pulled away and turned to untie the knot on the plastic bag. "Aren't you glad?"
"About?" she asked, ignoring the butterflies dancing in her stomach at the contact.
"This," he gestured at the bag and reached for one of the plastic containers inside. "I took the day off early just to make sure you ate."
Shiho scowled slightly and reached out to swat at his shoulder lightly. "I ate an hour ago."
"But you're hungry, right?" he teased, popping the top off and holding the bowl of warm broth up to her expectantly. "Did you want some soup?"
As if the universe was against her, her stomach chose that very moment to growl loudly, insisting that it needed to be fed now before she died from hunger. The corners of Shinichi's lips twitched up in amusement, his eyes crinkling in delight.
She let out an exasperated huff before accepting the bowl of miso soup begrudgingly. "Fine."
Here, sitting side by side with this idiot of a detective, in their office space—her safe haven—eating a late lunch from take-out containers, Shiho felt content. At peace, even.
The easy silence stretched between them, both of them lost in their own thoughts as they continued to eat their meals, neither of them in any hurry to say anything at all as the clock ticked on above their heads. Until her gaze drifted and landed on the other bags he brought home, and curiosity immediately set in.
"What did you buy?" she asked, tilting her head sideways to look at him again.
His expression remained unchanged as he followed where her gaze had been, but there was something in his eyes that made her pause. The faintest hint of colour rose to the tips of his ears as he glanced back at her, clearing his throat awkwardly and fumbling with the chopsticks in his hands.
"Uh. Nothing special," he stammered quickly. "Just stuff we need around the house."
Her eyebrows knitted together slightly, and she felt her suspicion growing. It wasn't every day Shinichi went shopping and bought stuff for home, but…
"Are you hiding something from me?" Her voice sounded a little sharper than she had intended, and while she normally wouldn't give a second thought as to what he brought home, her hormones had been running rampant lately. "Shinichi?"
He gave a half shrug, his fingers still tightly wrapped around his empty container of food. "Just bought some clothes."
Shiho felt her brows draw together. "For yourself?"
Their gazes met as he shook his head, a small smile playing at the corner of his lips. "No. For the baby."
A sigh escaped her lips before she could hold it back. She understood his excitement, but he was always getting ahead of himself. Just last week, he came home with a pair of sneakers that were smaller than her hands. "I've told you before—"
"I know, I know," he murmured as he scratched the back of his head, giving her a sheepish look. "But I saw them when I was picking up the food and I couldn't help—"
"We're still months away—"
"I just want to spoil our kid, alright?" Shinichi gave a small shrug, a grin still plastered on his face as he leaned toward her, resting his elbow on the table. His tone softened considerably as he spoke again, looking at her intently. "I can't wait."
Her heart melted at how excited he looked as he gazed at her expectantly, and Shiho found herself unable to resist returning the smile.
"Me too."
II.
The rice porridge bubbled away, steam rising in a cloud over the stovetop. Shiho stirred it a few more times before turning down the heat to ladle a small portion into a bowl and placing it on a tray along with the rest of the toppings.
Save for the Professor's soft snoring from inside his room at the other end of the hall, the house was completely quiet. As a matter of fact, the sun had barely risen, and all she wanted to do was crawl back into bed and curl up next to Shinichi for a few more hours.
She had known that the third trimester wasn't going to be easy, with all the weight gain and hormonal fluctuations her body would experience, but nothing could have prepared her for how tired she would actually be. With her own stomach pressing up against herself all night long, she had barely gotten any sleep, and she wasn't even the type to usually need more than six hours of sleep a night.
Shinichi constantly stirring next to her in his fever-induced sleep hadn't helped though.
Her back ached, her muscles were sore, and she felt like she weighed three times her normal weight. If she hadn't left her laptop at the university by accident the night before, then she certainly wouldn't be waking up so early to go get it.
Shaking off the fatigue, she took the tray and made her way back up to the bedroom at the end of the hall. She pressed her palm against the cool metal handle and pushed it open, revealing a slumbering Shinichi sprawled across the bed. A thin layer of sweat clung to the expanse of his skin, and his dark hair stuck to the sides of his forehead. His cheeks were flushed pink, his mouth hung slightly open, and his chest rose and fell in an uneven rhythm.
He looked absolutely exhausted.
Setting the tray down on the nightstand, Shiho pulled the covers back up to his shoulder with a fond smile on her face. The sound of his soft snoring was something she could never get used to, no matter how many times she heard it. Shinichi rolled onto his side then, curling further into himself as he nuzzled the blanket, almost as if he was trying to find a comfortable position to stay asleep in.
A light chuckle escaped her lips, and she wished then that she could be curled up in bed next to him.
Gently, she brushed her fingers through the strands of his mussed locks, smoothing them back out of his face before leaning forward to press a kiss to his temple. It was still damp and warm from the perspiration on his skin. With one last affection glance, she turned to head for the door when Shiho felt a sudden pressure against her wrist.
"Shiho?" he asked groggily, his eyes fluttering open briefly. "Is it morning already?"
"It is now," she said softly, voice barely above a whisper as she sat on the edge of the bed, careful not to jostle him too much. "You should probably try to get more rest though. There's rice porridge on the table, and I just have to go to the university quickly to—"
His grip tightened around her wrist, and suddenly, he was pulling her closer. He was looking at her through hazy eyes, and her breath hitched in her throat when he wrapped his arms around her waist.
"Don't go." His voice was hoarse and scratchy, and the heat radiating from his body radiated through the thin fabric of his pyjamas.
"I'll be back as soon as I get my laptop. I still have a few things I need to—"
"Stay," he said, begging, burying his face against the side of her stomach and inhaling deeply through his nose.
She sighed heavily. A large part of her wanted to agree—she really did—but she also knew that if she didn't go now, she'd probably never make it there. Slowly, she reached down and slid her hand over his scalp, stroking her fingertips into his thick, tangled mess of hair until he relaxed under her touch. She couldn't stop her lips from curling up when he hummed softly underneath her ministrations.
"Shinichi," she murmured in exasperation, "you're being a whiny—"
"Brat," he finished for her, his words muffled against her stomach. "I know. I want you to stay anyway." There was a pleading note in his voice, and she bit down hard on her lip, unsure of what to say.
She had responsibilities. Work to do. She couldn't just drop everything and stay here just because he'd asked. But as she glanced down at him, all she could see was exhaustion weighing his eyelids heavy, making his normally bright eyes look dull. "But—"
"I'll go with you later today, alright?" He gave her a gentle squeeze. "But I want you next to me right now."
Her gaze softened as he looked up at her expectantly, the expression on his face making her feel a million emotions all at once. "Fine," she relented, giving in despite herself. "You're a persistent little brat today, aren't you?"
He nodded, a lazy smile stretching across his lips as he pulled her down into the mattress as he laid his head against the pillow. Their legs intertwined together, his skin warm against hers.
"Damn right," he muttered under his breath, his eyes falling shut as he cuddled up close to her.
She pulled the covers around them and rested her head against the crook of his neck, and allowed herself to drift off to sleep alongside him.
"Stubborn idiot."
III.
Shiho let out another sigh as she stared at herself in the mirror. Even in the dim lighting of the room, it was enough for her to see the dark circles under her eyes and the mess of her hair. She was used to the tired feeling in her body that came after a long day, but tonight, it felt especially bad. Her muscles ached with an exhaustion that she couldn't even describe, and she could feel each one of her bones protesting from standing too long.
Worst of all, she looked awful.
Her pair of pyjamas no longer fit comfortably, and she was forced to borrow one of Shinichi's t-shirts from his drawer. The material didn't quite sit well on her frame, and even though the shirt was one of Shinichi's looser ones, it was still tight around her bulging stomach.
And now, she could feel the beginnings of cramps forming in her lower back—a sign that told her she needed some sleep soon. Not that going to bed would actually help; it had been weeks since she last slept well.
Shiho hated everything about herself right now.
The sound of the bathroom door creaking open behind her caught her attention before she could dwell on things, and light was cast across the bedroom floor briefly before being flicked off.
Soft footsteps padded across the carpeted flooring, moving closer, until he stopped behind her and his arms wrapped around her, hands brushing against her stomach. Their gazes met in the mirror. The warmth of his skin seeped through the thin fabric of the shirt as his thumb brushed against the swell of her belly.
A quiet exhale escaped Shiho's lips, and she leaned back into him, relaxing slightly when she found him solid beneath her. It felt good having someone else here with her.
"You okay?" His voice was soft, but laced with concern. Shiho wanted to turn away from him so badly, to pretend that nothing was wrong, but something stopped her. Instead, she turned to face him, pressing her face against his chest where his heart pounded steadily beneath her ear. Taking comfort in the familiar scent of him, she closed her eyes and breathed deeply.
"Bad night?" he asked quietly, resting his chin on top of her head before brushing his lips against her forehead lightly. His fingers drew lazy patterns on her back in a reassuring motion, and she buried her face further into his chest, relishing the sensations; it made her feel warm and safe.
"I'm tired," Shiho mumbled, and she hated how whiny she sounded—it wasn't like her.
His hand moved up to the back of her neck, rubbing slow circles. "Time to go to sleep then?"
"But…" she paused to take another breath, trying to figure out why the words stuck to her throat. Her fingers clutched his shirt tighter as irritation built up inside her, and she let out a huff of air through gritted teeth. "My back hurts, my feet are sore, and I feel like I need to go to the washroom every ten minutes. I haven't had a good night's sleep in—"
Her breath hitched and she bit her bottom lip to stop the tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. Right. She was also so easily emotionally overwhelmed, and she hated every second of it. It was ridiculous how she could turn into an emotional wreck in just seconds.
"I know," he said softly, pulling her a little closer. Resting his cheek on top of her hair, she felt him running his hand through her tangled hair gently. "And I'm sorry. You're just a few weeks away—"
"That's too long," she interrupted childishly, shrugging out of his hold as much as she could without hurting him or herself. "I feel like a bloated whale and if I have to be like this for another—"
She was cut short by his mouth over hers, a gentle press of his lips against her own. And then he pressed his head against hers, their foreheads bumping together as he held her close. He sighed, his breath blowing over her face, before cupping her cheeks between his calloused palms.
"You're not a bloated whale—"
"I'm so big I can't even fit in my own goddamn pyjamas!" she snapped, pulling away from his grasp to motion wildly towards her frame. Her hands trembled, clenching tightly in the front of her shirt as she spun around to stare at herself in the mirror again, glaring at the reflection. "It feels like the baby should be popping out any minute now, but I'm still weeks away."
Shinichi took a step forward, reaching down to hold her hand. A small smile pulled at the corner of his lips, the edge curled upwards in amusement despite the serious expression. For a moment, she was afraid he would laugh or say something to tease her. Instead, he reached up to brush his knuckles lightly against her abdomen.
"I love seeing you in my clothes anyway."
Shiho rolled her eyes, scoffing as she tried tugging away from his hand. When he didn't let go, she turned to look at him, only to find him smiling fondly down at her. His gaze lingered there, studying her stomach, before finally meeting her gaze again, his expression soft as he spoke.
"You realize you're beautiful, right?" The sincerity in his voice surprised her; she certainly didn't feel beautiful. Her skin was blotchy, her eyes were bloodshot, her hair was messy and dishevelled. Either the man was blind, or he was delusional.
That didn't mean she could stop the blush that crept up to her neck and onto her cheeks. "And you realize you're being cheesy, right?" she asked dryly, attempting to hide the way her heart skipped in her chest.
And then he chuckled, eyes crinkling as he leaned down to kiss the tip of her nose. "You really are cute sometimes," he murmured, and she swatted his arm lightly. "Now, let's get you in bed. I'll give you a massage until you fall asleep, okay?"
A small smile tugged at her lips as he led her away from the mirror and towards the bed, and it was times like these that made her feel like the luckiest woman in the world.
"Are you any good at giving massages, Meitantei-san?"
"I guess there's one way to find out."
IV.
Shiho felt delirious from pain and exhaustion. Her mind was hazy, her body sore and aching for rest, and no matter how much she tried, she felt nothing but helpless and fear clawing at the back of her throat—she was unable to focus on anything else. All she could do was stare at the white ceiling above her as voices drifted in and out, indistinct murmuring of a conversation she couldn't seem to follow, despite her best efforts.
It felt like hours had passed since she last slept. Or rested. Or eaten. Or caught her breath.
The one constant was the familiar voice—Shinichi's voice—in the distance, the one that never failed to comfort her whenever darkness overwhelmed her, and she was so close to falling into slumber again when the sudden wail of a baby ripped through the noise around her.
Relief, panic, and shame crashed over her at all once, her heart hammered against her chest with every beat, and she bolted up in bed, wide awake in seconds. And then pain erupted through her lower abdomen that made her gasp for air as she struggled to get enough oxygen inside her lungs. Immediately, hands gripped her shoulders, pushing her, urging her to lay back down.
Shiho fought them, struggling to sit up. She needed to see, to make sure he was okay. And suddenly, the voices disappeared completely, and everything was quiet.
Blinking her eyes, it took a few seconds for the room to stop spinning, for the nausea and dizziness to settle, and she forced herself to take deep breaths.
Slowly though, the world came back into sharp focus.
"You'll hurt yourself, you idiot." Someone—Shinichi—was right there, crouched beside her, his hand on her arm. His expression was grim, serious, his brown eyes boring into hers as his other hand rested on her shoulder as if to push her back onto the bed. "Just breathe, alright? You've lost a lot of blood. Baby is doing well."
Her eyes stared at him soundlessly for several moments as his words processed in her head. And then the wave of fatigue swept through her as her muscles tensed and shook, fighting the pull of sleep. A sob bubbled up somewhere within her as the weight of what had happened finally settled onto her.
The tears threatened to come, but there were so many nurses and doctors here, in the room with her, and she didn't want to give away just how weak and tired and exhausted she felt.
Not yet anyway.
When the baby had come into the world, quiet, she had been prepared for the worst outcome. But the moment he cried, she felt her world shift.
Everything had changed in that second.
"Hey," Shinichi said, his voice bringing her out of her thoughts. He was standing now, leaning forward slightly, his hands holding up a small bundle, and she felt her heart jump out of her chest when he sat down next to her. "He's okay. You're okay. Everything's fine."
There were bits of dried blood and mucus clinging to the baby's face and neck, and her fingers brushed gently against his skin, barely grazing against the soft curls that covered the newborn's forehead.
He had Shinichi's hair. That much was obvious. He looked like a doll, fragile and delicate, and despite the dried blood caked onto his skin, he looked perfect.
"Shh, shh…" Shinichi muttered, rocking back and forth slowly as he cradled the bundle to his chest. "Don't cry."
The baby continued to cry.
Shiho reached out, and when her fingertips connected with fabric, she pulled them closer, burying her nose in the folds to inhale deeply. A light scent tickled the back of her throat, familiar, but foreign. And then she laid the baby down against her chest and held him close, taking a moment to revel in the feeling of his warmth and his heartbeat drumming softly against her as she rocked back and forth gently.
As if he realized who she was, the baby stopped crying instantly, his eyes opening at her touch, and she felt her breath hitch at the sight of those beautiful blue irises. They weren't just blue though. They were so full of life, so bright, and she felt completely mesmerized.
It felt like the universe was stopping time, and that the only thing that existed—that mattered—was their gazes locked together.
She swallowed thickly as she felt tears welling up behind her lids.
"You okay?" Shinichi asked softly, brushing his lips against the top of her head.
Shiho nodded, not quite trusting her voice to hold steady.
"I think he recognizes you," he said, and she felt him stroking her hair gently.
The baby let out a soft coo then, nuzzling his face against her chin, and she felt herself tear up again as a small smile tugged at the corner of Shiho's mouth.
"Welcome home," she whispered, pressing a kiss against the top of his tiny head.
V.
Small fairy lights were strung up along the windows, and the small golden lights reflected off the glass surfaces. All throughout the house, there was something warm to look at—from the decorated tree that took up a corner in the living room, to the beautiful ornaments hanging on the walls, to the hand-painted wooden snowflakes dangling from the ceiling.
Every single inch of space was adorned with glittering baubles and decorations, and Shiho couldn't begin to understand how much time had gone into putting it together. Part of her wondered just how long Yukiko had spent decorating the house and planning the small party.
The smell of vanilla and cinnamon wafted around the house, and the soft chatter and instrumental music could be heard drifting from the kitchen. Near the large, open window, the Christmas tree stood proudly, illuminated by soft light, and at the top, the star twinkled brightly.
It was beautiful, and for a fraction of a second, it reminded her of the years she spent Christmas in America by herself as a child. The memories that she had kept buried in the back of her mind resurfaced just briefly, and she felt a lump form in her throat, threatening to choke her if she continued to think about them any longer.
She had missed her family terribly back then, and now, after all these years, now that she was in Japan, she felt that familiar ache in her chest when she thought about them.
Shinichi appeared out of nowhere, startling Shiho as he approached her from behind, placing one hand on her shoulder. "You okay? You've been gone for a while," he said quietly, concern lacing his voice.
"I'm fine," she murmured, turning her head to face him and saw the worried expression on his face. He was always so quick to notice when things weren't right. "I just got lost in my thoughts." She offered a smile.
It wasn't much, but he seemed satisfied enough with her answer that his eyes flickered over to the decorations that she had been studying just seconds ago. "Looks nice, huh?" he said softly.
"Your mom must've put a lot into planning everything for tonight."
A small, fond smile crept onto his face, and she felt his hold on her shoulder relax before he pulled her closer and wrapped his arms around her waist. "Oh yeah, I'm sure. But it's her grandson's first Christmas, so I wouldn't expect anything less."
"And Keitaro-kun?" she asked, leaning against him, wrapping her arms around him to press her forehead into the crook of his neck.
"Out like a light," he answered with a chuckle, the sound rumbling from deep inside his chest. "He won't be waking up for at least an hour since he took the whole bottle of formula like a champ. And now that dinner's ready on the table, mom's fighting to be the one to hold onto her dear grandson while we eat. The Professor's gladly giving up grandparent duty so he can sit down and enjoy the food."
Shiho nodded into his shoulder, and she took comfort in the faint scent of pine needles and cedarwood that surrounded her. It was surreal, thinking about her life being like this. For so long, she had spent the holidays alone, with nothing more than her books and her laptop to keep her company. And now, everything felt so perfect that she couldn't remember the last time she felt so content.
She had a family; the thought felt so foreign that she wasn't sure if she'd ever get used to it.
"You ready for dinner? They're waiting for us."
She shook her head. "With your parents? Not really, no," she teased, lifting her head up slightly, peering over at him with a smile. She loved his parents, but he knew just as well that they—especially his mother—could be a handful. "Are you?"
Shinichi grinned slightly, his eyes crinkling at the edges. "Only if you're by my side." As if reading her mind, he reached out and took her hand in his, squeezing gently.
Her heart fluttered in response to the simple action, and her fingers closed instinctively around his, pulling him closer before pressing her lips against his. He returned the gesture immediately, deepening their kiss and tangling his hands in her hair to pull her closer. For a few blissful moments, the world felt completely silent—nothing else in the world mattered.
When they broke apart, he leaned his forehead against hers and stared into her eyes, still holding her close. "What was that for?" he breathed, a hint of amusement lingering in his words.
"Thank you," Shiho said simply, feeling breathless.
His gaze softened, and she had the distinct feeling that he knew what she meant without having to say it out loud.
"Merry Christmas, Shiho." His voice was barely above a whisper, but his eyes remained steady as he held her gaze, a tiny grin tugging at the corners of his mouth.
"Merry Christmas, Shinichi."
Author's Notes: I did do a little bit of research regarding childbirth in Japan, but my experiences are on the other side of the world, so I hope I did this justice.
'Of Succulents and Strings of Fate' is in Editing Hell (and Tying-the-Ending-Up Hell), but it will hopefully be posted by March as I have other commitments for the next little while.
Wishing everyone a wonderful holiday and a Happy New Year!
Completed: November 15, 2022