Forks High School, Washington, USA, 2005

Bella: Edward

Edward: Yes, Bella?

Bella: Why do you always dress so… colourfully?

Edward: I mean. I've been alive through some trends and a half. I'm used to colours. Like, did you see the seventies? Eighties?

Bella:

Bella: Remind me how old I am, Edward

Edward:

Edward: Okay, point taken

Edward: Either way, either you go with the flow and dress like everyone else or you die

Bella: I'm not wearing pink and fuzzy clothes

Edward: I can do that for you

Bella: You know, for someone that swears they're not gay—

Edward: Don't go there. Just because I like colours doesn't mean I'm gay. Just look at Graham, he's wearing all black and he's gay enough for both of us

Bella: *snorts*

Forks High School, Washington, USA, 2005

[The same day, after school.]

Bella: It's time

Edward: Do you want to, like, follow canon? I mean, I can be your knight in shining armour if you want

Bella: I'm not getting crushed by Tyler just for funsies, Eddie

Edward: Don't call me that, please

Bella: Mm, keep begging

Edward: I hate you

Bella: No you don't

Bella: Now let's wait until Tyler comes crashing before we go home

[Just as she says this, Tyler's van comes skidding past them and into Bella's car.]

Edward: Damn, I wish I'd brought popcorn

Bella: FUCK, my car!

{Achievement Unlocked! •Fashion Crash•}

Forks, Washington, USA, 2005

Bella: Can you do me a favour?

Edward: … Sure

Bella: Say it. Please

Edward:

Edward:

Edward: *sighs*

[Since they're at Bella's home, alone, Edward walks to the window and stands in the light. He gives her a TiredTM look. His skin sparkles like the walking disco ball he is.]

Edward: This is the skin of a killer, Bella!

Bella: Bwahahahahahahahaha

{Achievement Unlocked! •Canon Compliant•}

{Achievement Unlocked! •Dying of Asphyxiation•}

Forks, Washington, USA, 2005

[At the Cullen's house.]

Bella: Must be nice being rich

Alice: I'm sure Eddie can share

Edward: Eddie can hear you and he will not share anything with people that calls him Eddie

Alice: Not even coffee?

Edward: Especially not coffee

Rosalie (from the garden): APOLOGISE NOW ALICE

Bella: Sooooo, about sharing the money…

Edward: How much do you want?

Bella: Should I call you my sugar daddy?

{Achievement Unlocked! •NO MONEY FOR YOU BELLA•}

Inspired by ultward's tumblr thread (on Pinterest):

Forks High School, Washington, USA, 2005

[Mike, Bella and Jessica walk past Alice and Edward in the corridor. Alice is having a vision.]

Mike: You alright, Cullen?

Alice: Of course! I just saw the future is all

Mike:

Jessica:

Mike: Haha, you're hilarious

Edward: *face-palms*