Single Parent Struggles: A single parent goes to great lengths to ensure a joyful holiday for their children despite financial constraints and emotional burdens.
Girl-Dad
Mike was at a total loss. A month before; one of the many private investigators that he had been paying for approached him with the girls. Christine had died during the Red Flu, and they had been on the street since. Mike had gotten desk duty, set them up in a house and hired a lady to stay with them while he worked, but they were extremely unhappy.
Christine had always just got their kids. Mike provided for them. He was a fun parent, but had no idea what their favorite foods were or what made them tick. He might have managed with Lucas okay, but two girls? He was at a total loss. He tried to not be angry at them but in some ways, he did resent them. They lived. Lucas and Christine died. When the lady that he hired told him she was visiting a family member over Christmas, Mike had no choice but to take the time off to care for his young daughters and try to make it a decent holiday. He got home from work late, having ordered pizza for them from his office.
"Katie, why is this kitchen such a mess?" Mike asked. The kitchen wasn't that bad but he still was on a slow simmer. She showed up at his elbow and looked around.
"Dad, I put the dishes away like you asked and I cleaned our lunch and dinner dishes up. I just didn't get those put away." Katie said. Mike really struggled with Katie. She was becoming a young lady and he didn't like that. At least Hannah was still young and sweet. Katie argued back.
"Because you had so much to do?" Mike asked sarcastically.
"No…I guess not." Katie said.
"Where's your sister? Has she had her bath?" Mike asked.
"Yes. She's ready for bed." Katie answered.
"Get this cleaned up." Mike said. He pointed at the dish drainer and walked to Hannah's bedroom. He had noticed some tears gathering in Katie's eyes, but ignored them. He faked a smile at Hannah, who was so like Christine. She was sitting up in her bed looking at the little Christmas tree in the corner of her bedroom. The only Christmas tree Mike had allowed in the house.
"I need a star or angel for the top." Hannah said. Mike smiled at her.
"I'll see what I can find, honey. Are you ready to go to sleep?" Mike asked, holding the blankets up. Katie's room was very spartan compared to Hannah's, because Mike had not made a point to make his older daughter feel more at home.
"Are we gonna have presents and a dinner like two years ago?" Hannah asked, remembering a much happier Christmas.
"I don't know, honey." Mike admitted.
"I want to. I know Momma and Lucas are in heaven now but they would want us to have a good Christmas." Hannah told him.
"I'll think about it." Mike said, not agreeing and not disagreeing. He tucked the blankets around Hannah and kissed her forehead.
"Dad, the kitchen is cleaned up and I'm going to bed. Good night." Katie said from the door.
"Night." Mike said, not even bothering to wish Katie a good night. He knew Christine would be kicking his ass for treating their oldest so badly and he wasn't even sure why he did it. Just seemed natural. He tucked the blankets around Hannah again before shutting her lights off and walked by Katie's bedroom door.
It was a ridiculously cold night. As a punishment for talking back; Mike had taken Katie's one blanket from her bed the week before, leaving her with just her top sheet and pajamas to stay warm with. He had a moment of feeling bad and grabbed her blanket and another warmer blanket out of the linen closet, before knocking on her door. She opened it and looked at him in surprise.
"Dad?" Katie asked.
"Its below zero tonight. You'll need these." Mike answered.
"Thank you, but I would hate to get used to having them and have you take them away on a colder night." Katie said. Mike felt a pang of guilt.
"Just take the damn blankets, Katie." Mike said. He stepped into the room and dumped them on the bed before stepping back out. He noted the only decoration was a photo of their family, complete with Lucas and Christine; on her nightstand. He shut the bedroom door and on the way back through the living area, turned the heat up. He grabbed a piece of pizza and a beer out of the fridge, hoping for a couple hours of peace.
It gave him a chance to look at old photo albums and remember happier times. He was in a total trance when he heard cries. He looked in Hannah's room first, figuring she was having a nightmare. She was sound asleep. Katie had left her bedroom door open and he could see her tossing and turning. She was swiping her arms around and crying out. Mike thought about letting the nightmare run its course, but that seemed overly cruel. So, he walked into the room and touched Katie's shoulder.
"Katie, Katie, wake up. Its just a dream." Mike said, as gently as he could. She was still trashing around a lot until her eyes flew open. She looked panicked for a moment until she took in her surroundings.
"I'm sorry." Katie said.
"It was just a dream." Mike told her as he stood up.
"It…seemed more real." Katie remarked.
"Sometimes they do. Just go back to sleep." Mike said. Christine would be trying to find out what Katie was dreaming about but that wasn't Mike…or wasn't Mike with Katie.
"I wish I had died too, you know?" Katie remarked.
"Huh?" Mike asked, stopping in his tracks.
"You wish I had died instead of Mom or Lucas. You always hated me. I don't know why but you did. And now, I'm alive and they aren't." Katie said.
"Katie, I didn't…" Mike started. Katie only quirked an eyebrow at him. "Okay, maybe I made it seem like I hated you. But, I don't actually." Mike said.
"Really?" Katie asked. Mike could only rub his face, trying to come up with an appropriate response. He sat back down on the bed and looked at the photo.
"We were always different. Even when you were little. I…didn't quite know how to handle you. By the time Hannah and Lucas came along, I knew how to be a dad but I couldn't go back and fix my past mistakes with you. Your mom always just understood you kids. She knew everything about you. And without her, I am struggling." Mike admitted.
"No kidding." Katie remarked.
"Katie, I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to help you grieve for your mom and brother because I don't want to." Mike said.
"Because if you admit you have to grieve for them, it means admitting they're both gone?" Katie asked gently.
"Yeah." Mike answered.
"Dad, I don't know much. Hardly anything, but I do know that Mom and Lucas wouldn't want this. You loved them both deeply and sometimes the price of great love is huge grief. You have to feel this. And you can't be any sort of parent to Hannah and I until you do." Katie said.
"I suppose so." Mike said.
"Just think about what they would want." Katie answered. Mike stood up and looked around the room. It was almost shameful.
"Katie…I am sorry. I have been horrible to you and I don't wish you had died instead. Just wished no one had." Mike said.
"Me too." Katie replied.
"Go to sleep. Things will be better when we all wake up." Mike said. He squeezed her shoulder before leaving the bedroom. He went to bed himself, knowing she was right. He HAD to grieve for the life he should have had and for the lives his daughters should have had. In the middle of the night, he woke up and realized, he had to make this Christmas special. He wasn't sure how. He didn't even know what his girls liked now, but he had to.
He got up early and on his run, picked up donuts for the girls. They were still sleeping when he got home so he showered and left a note that he was out for the day. His first stop was getting Christmas decorations. A tree, lights, ornaments, two tree toppers and everything else that he could find Christmas related.
His second stop was at a recently reopened mall where he was assisted by a female salesperson who helped him pick out all kinds of gifts for his daughters. Clothes, make up, books, room decorations for Katie and anything else that she could find. He had gotten for Hannah but barely anything for Katie and he honestly felt badly about that. Fortunately, he was able to get the presents wrapped.
His next stop was a grocery store to get things for dinner and to bake with. By the time he got back to the house; his truck was laden with gifts, Christmas decorations and groceries. He had a long weekend and he was going to make both girls feel a bit more loved and taken care of.
They were both overwhelmed but quickly went to work decorating the tree and then the house. Mrs. Abernathy, the lady that stayed with them while Mike was at work had helped them find little gifts for him and Katie helped Mike cook dinner.
Mike actually enjoyed the evening with the girls. Their laughter was cathartic to him. He tucked Hannah in and looked in on Katie's still spartan bedroom. She had both blankets tucked around her and he stepped into the room.
"You going to sleep soon?" Mike asked.
"Yeah. Just wanted to finish reading this. I'm excited for Christmas." Katie said with a smile.
"Good. Me too." Mike said. He leaned down and kissed the top of Katie's head. It was a rare show of affection from him to her but something he needed to do more often.
"Good night, Dad." Katie said.
"Good night, sweetheart. Sleep tight." Mike answered. He winked down at her before leaving the room. He slept better than the night before and at six; Hannah woke him up, excited about all the presents. Mike followed her out and Katie handed him a cup of coffee, seeming to sense that he would need it.
"Merry Christmas." Katie said.
"Thanks. Can you help Hannah separate out the gifts?" Mike asked.
"Yep." Katie answered. Mike had gone a bit overboard but the girls had been homeless until just a month before. They needed and deserved a lot. It was a little hard to not be sad because Christine and Lucas weren't with them but he just concentrated on the laughter and exclaims of delight. The girls were happy and he'd be happy again.
"For you, Daddy!" Hannah said; handing him a small, badly wrapped present. Katie handed him another present, a little better wrapped.
"You girls didn't have to get me anything." Mike commented.
"We didn't. We made them. We didn't have any money to buy anything." Katie explained as the girls sat down on either side of him. Mike opened Hannah's gift first since she was almost shaking. It was a small bracelet.
"I know you can't wear it with your uniform." Hannah said.
"I'll wear it in my pocket." Mike said. He kissed the top of Hannah's head and smiled down at her, before opening Katie's gift. It was a photo of them when Katie was a baby.
"I know its not the most recent photo but I really like it. Maybe for your desk?" Katie suggested.
"I'd love that. Thank you both." Mike said. He kissed the top of Katie's head, loving that she was cuddling up. He wasn't sure how or why she still trusted him, but was glad that she did.
Five Years Later
"I'm nervous." Maddie admitted as they pulled up to his house. His desk job had ended a few years before but the girls were older and much more capable. Katie took care of Hannah and kept them both out of trouble.
"It will be fine. I let them know you'd be with us this year." Mike said. Their relationship was new and she hadn't met the girls yet.
"What if they don't like me?" Maddie asked.
"I don't think that will be a problem." Mike answered. He got out of the truck and led Maddie to the side door. As he expected, Katie was in the kitchen and gave them a bright smile. "Maddie, this is my oldest daughter, Katie." Mike said before giving Katie a long hug.
"It's nice to meet you. Dad's told us a ton about you." Katie said.
"He's told me a lot about you as well." Maddie said. Katie and Maddie shook hands while Mike fixed himself a pot of coffee. Just then, they heard Hannah come in through the front door.
"Hurricane Hannah has arrived." Mike said as he sat his cup down so it wasn't broken. Hannah rushed into the kitchen and ran to Mike to give him a hug.
"I've missed you, Daddy!" Hannah said.
"This is normal for her!" Katie told Maddie.
"Okay, Hannah; let's not be rude. This is Maddie." Mike said, pulling away from Hannah and pointing at Maddie. Hannah immediately gave her a big hug.
"This is also normal for her." Katie told Maddie with a laugh. It made Mike smile in response.
It had taken time. They had to grieve together and apart. He and Katie now had a very close relationship and he would be lost without her. She had her mother's wisdom and had firmly told him the year before that it was about time he brought a date home. He thought it was crazy until he met Maddie. He was curious to see what the next year would hold.