I don't own twilight. What I own is my character's behavior, personality, background, and plot of the story.
A huge thank you to my beta Madmooey18 for putting in the effort and helping me make this story what it is.
Author's Note at the end.
Bella is peacefully floating in the air. Her body suspended by something beyond her. Her eyes are closed as she swims in the darkness that surrounds her. It's the welcoming kind of darkness. The kind that engulfs you in its arms and promises to never let go. Such promises are never delivered in real life, but in darkness they are.
It's restful, and freeing as it carries her over cloud nine, until a voice breaks in, and it can no longer contain her. No amount of darkness can make her ignore the sound of her Adam crying for her. She struggles against the darkness and fights the dead weight keeping her eyes closed until finally, she is staring at the ceiling of her bedroom in Forks.
She doesn't pause to understand the logic of her being back in her bedroom in Forks, the cries of Adam that resemble the ones he made as an infant, nor the inherent knowledge she feels in her bones that she is back as a teen. If she did pause, she would realize that it's all a dream. Not thoughts in her head, but rather ghosts on the peripheral of her psyche. Right at that moment she feels a threat to Adam that rattles her to her core.
She springs to her feet and runs out of her bedroom and down the stairs toward where she thinks Adam's voice is coming from. Her eyes dart around the living room as she fears her heart will jump from her chest with how fast it's going. It's a painful mixture of anxiety, physical exhaustion, and fear that would have her doubling over, if not for the fact that she can't afford to catch her breath.
She hears Adam's faint cries and listens closely trying to understand where they are coming from, and then realizes with terror that it's coming from the backdoor of the house. She doesn't need to look outside of the window, just as she is sure of her love for her sons. She is sure of the fact that it's cold outside and Adam shouldn't leave the house. She runs to the backdoor and once she reaches there she spots Charlie carrying Adam away, except that he is not carrying him, but rather dragging him behind with a chain tied to one of Adam's feet. This sight fills her with a monstrous amount of anger that fuels her as she breaks into a run to catch Charlie and take Adam away from him. In very little time, she closes the distance between them and jumps up to tackle Charlie.
She never does that as a weight pulls her back and she is tackled to the ground instead.
She fights the hands holding her to get off the ground but it's to no avail, and two gray eyes enter her field of vision as she hears, "You didn't think you would get to have your kid and keep him too."
She fights more violently as she hears Adam's cries in the distance get further and further until she can only hear them as an echo in her head. Her senses are flooded with the hysterical laughs of James and his gray, devil eyes gazing upon her skin.
She feels a smack and looks around to find herself in her childhood bedroom in Phil's house, with Phil's kind eyes staring worriedly at her.
"I am sorry that I smacked you but it was my last resort. You wouldn't wake up," Phil tells her as he rubs her cheeks apologetically. She feels the tears he is wiping from under her eyes too.
"What happened?" she mutters, her voice sounds hoarse and alien to her as she gradually pulls herself into a sitting position. She looks around and spots her reflection in the mirror. Her hair looks like a hay stack. Her face is red, particularly her nose, and her horror struck eyes are red rimmed. All of these observations happen in a second. She looks away, she doesn't need to see this, and rests her gaze on Phil.
"You were screaming in your sleep. Had to wake you up before the boys noticed," Phil tells her.
She rubs her eyes absentmindedly and looked at her lap not meeting his eyes as she tells him, "I'm sorry."
She feels his hand land on her shoulder then slide up and down her back as he tells her, "There is no need to apologize. It was a nightmare. We all have them."
We all have them, do we? Do you have the same nightmares I have? Did your daddy tell you to shut up when you had them? I bet he didn't. I bet Rhonda and Phil Senior hugged you and told you it would be okay.
Bella feels hot lava bubbling to the surface inside her and threatening to shoot at Phil, herself, the boys, her father, James, anyone she sets her sights on, and everyone on planet earth. It's a constant raging fire that she fears will someday hurt the wrong person.
"It must have been some nightmare, huh?" Phil states.
"Yeah," Bella breathes out and gets up hastily and walks to the bathroom. The last thing she needs is to raise her eyes and look at Phil. She doesn't know for certain if she will tackle him or have a mental breakdown if she looks at him.
"Bella," he calls after her right as she reaches the bathroom.
She raises her eyes and looks in his direction and he tells her, "If you want to talk, I am always here."
That ship has long since it sailed. How can I tell you what I can't put into words? It's never a simple nightmare. It's always more, so fucking more.
She nods her head and walks into the bathroom and closes the door behind her.
She pushes food around in her plate. She isn't in the mood to eat. She notices Phil looking at her and smiles at him as she raises the fork to her lips. It comes off more as a grimace. She looks down at her plate and as she swallows down the food without chewing and raises the fork to her mouth with even more food in it. It tastes like tar.
"How do you feel about going for a walk in the park? That will get your mind off the nightmare," Phil states carrying his plate to the kitchen. She let's him think that her nightmare is still bothering her and nods her head as she observes Adam follow Phil to the kitchen with his plate and then helps Peter take his plate to the kitchen too.
She smiles to herself as she gets up and calls out to the boys to follow her so she could help them get ready. She giggles as Adam starts jumping towards the room and Peter follows suit.
She helps Peter put on his jacket and offers to help Adam too but he declines politely telling her he is a big boy and can do it on his own. Once sure that they are protected against the cold, she leads her boys to the living room and finds Phil waiting there for them already.
"So are you going to tell me what is wrong?" Phil asks her as they watch the boys play in the park's playground.
She looks over to him surprised that he figured her out which prompts him to say, "Come on, Bella. Give me some credit. I might as well have raised you. You can't hide things from me."
She turns back to watch the boys and runs her fingers through her hair, a nervous grooming tic she formed after years of Charlie smacking her around for not fixing her hair.
After trying to think of a lie and coming up empty, she sighs and settles for the truth, "Alice invited me to a party and I am not sure if I want to go. Actually, I am sure that I don't want to go," she tells him the second statement with conviction.
Phil's eyebrows raise in surprise at her answer and she rolls her eyes at that and tells him, "Don't look too surprised. Alice has changed."
It's his turn to roll his eyes at her as he says, "Bella, that's natural. That happens when one grows up and lives life. They mature and grow into a direction that might be surprising and as there friend you choose to accept the changes in them."
"What if I don't want to? What if the changes I have seen are too drastic and make me want to no longer be in her life? Why should I settle for such a changed friend? Not every friendship is meant to last forever. Some are better off in the past," she tells him.
"Bella, you are not one to talk because you have drastically changed. You became a mom for heaven's sake," he tells her nodding his head towards the boys where Adam is pushing Peter on the swings.
"Exactly. Both of us have changed and we are no longer compatible as friends," she tells him clapping her hands together.
Phil is silent for a moment before he says, "I am going to tell you something and you can't get mad." Then he pauses for her to react.
She rolls her eyes and nods her head which makes him state, "You can't get mad, Bella, promise me," he demands then raises his pinky.
"A pinky promise, Phil? Seriously?" she tells him, raising an eyebrow.
"Come on, humor me. When you were a kid, that was your holy grail for promises," he tells her, urging her with the wiggling pinky in front of her face to do it.
"Fine," she states and raises her pinky to meet his.
"You promise?" he asks her which makes her complain, "Come on, Phil, just spit it out."
"I think you have changed and Alice no longer fits in your life and so you are turning it out to be her fault so that you won't feel guilt."
She glares at him and mutters, "This has nothing to do with me changing or needing a different kind of friend cause if so, I would still have space in my life for her. This has to do with her becoming a shitty person."
"How so?"
"Where do I start," she says more to herself than him and pauses to think for a minute before she replies, "Let's see. Not once did she ask what happened to me in Forks. She was more interested in knowing the identity of the boys' father than in knowing what happened with me. The first time we meet and she spends the first hour telling me about Jasper and how he hasn't proposed yet instead of talking to me. Oh, and she implied that I am a slut, said there is nothing wrong with being one when I called her out on that, and she told me that I am useless since I couldn't use my experience with men to help her understand why Jasper hasn't proposed yet. Do I need to keep going on?"
She leaves him looking shell-shocked and gets up and goes to her boys, "Peter, I think it's your brother's turn to play on the swings," she states as she stoops low till she is at eye level with him.
"Mummy, it's okay. Pushing him is fun," Adam tells her.
The hell it is. I am not raising a spoiled brat. I am not raising an Alice Brandon.
"No, Adam, Peter has played enough and now it's your turn and since Peter is a good boy he knows that sharing is caring and will do the right thing," she tells Adam while looking at Peter.
"Otay, mummy," Peter tells her as he extends his arms to her so she could help him get off the swings.
"It's your turn, Adam," Peter says as he steps to the side and watches as Adam gets on the swings and then he goes behind him and says, "my turn," not pronouncing the R.
Bella beams with pride as she watches Peter pushing Adam forward and then pulling him back. When it becomes obvious that Peter's pushing is not enough and that Adam is bored, she picks up Peter and pushes Adam herself. With the help of Peter, of course.
A couple of minutes later, she hangs to the side and watches as Adam swings on his own and Peter plays on the slides until she hears Phil calling her name. She looks up and finds him standing with a man with his back to her.
Let's see what he wants.
Bella walks toward Phil and as she gets closer the hair at the back of her neck stands. She soon learns why when the man with Phil turns and she spots his green eyes.
Don't say anything stupid.
"Edward? I can't tell you how nice it is running into you here."
It's better if I address him first. He is less likely to detect anything.
"Hey, it's nice seeing you too. I was just about to tell Phil that I run this track every day. I don't think I have seen you here before," he replies and now that he mentions it Bella notices the running gear he is wearing.
"I am not a park person. Bella is. I am just here because I am bored," Phil replies. Bella's frowns at Phil's admission which prompts him to shrug his shoulders sheepishly.
Edward observes Bella and Phil's silent interaction and hides the smirk, he can't help, on his lips. He finds their relationship fresh and wonderful. He finds Bella fascinating. His scrolling through her social media made him find her more enthralling than their first meeting. If you consider looking at every picture or video she posted, and reading every caption, tweet, and blog post she uploaded scrolling through her social media. Edward doesn't stick to the dictionary definition of words. He makes his own interpretation.
"So, should I expect to run into you more here, huh?" Edward points out setting all of his attention on her.
"Oh, no. I don't live nearby. I am staying for the weekend at Phil's place. My place has a park closer to it than this one. Honestly, I am not that huge on parks. It's mostly for my sons," she tells him.
There I said it. If he has any interest in me, he will run for the hills now that he knows I am a single mum.
Edward turns to look at her boys before he smiles and turns back to her and says, "Alice mentioned that you are a mum, but she never said that they are adorable," he replies which is a lie.
Alice said no such thing. He found that all on his own three hour Social media dive.
Edward's reply is such a shock that before Bella can stop herself she blurts out, "Well, if there is anything you can count on me to do, it's making cute babies."
WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?
At the look of absolute horror on her face, Phil and Edward dissolve into laughter. Edward initially tries to not react to what she said, he really does, but her round eyes, red cheeks, and raised eyebrows are both adorable and so funny that he can't help himself, and a snort from Phil is all he needs to be in stitches.
Gathering herself and whatever shred of dignity she has left, she leans forward on one foot and claps her hands in front of both men before she says, "It was a slip of tongue that we will blame on my lack of sleep. Neither of you has a toddler on their hands. You can't judge me for being sleep deprived. We are grown adults and can pretend that I never said that."
Edward stops laughing immediately and looks at his feet in embarrassment, but Phil does the opposite as he exclaims, "No way! This is prime blackmail material."
Edward watches as Bella glares at Phil and they enter a staring contest. While their expressions shift slightly, neither one blinks. They are quite good.
"I for one can't remember what you even said," Edward states.
Bella breaks away from the staring contest with Phil and smiles at Edward and states, "Thank you."
"You are welcome," he replies beaming at her.
After a minute of him smiling like a fool, he realizes that he is too giddy over her thanking him to not potentially say something stupid, so he says, "I have to leave but I will see you at Alice's party, right?" He ends his statement in a question as he rubs the back of his neck worried that he came off too forward.
"Yeah, sure," she responds, sounding as enthusiastic as one would be over going to the dentist.
Edward's good mood plummets at her reply as he worries that she is disappointed that he will be there, but he doesn't do anything but bid her and Phil goodbye. He can't trust himself to not say the wrong thing.
Bella waves her hand and watches him walk away with an indecipherable look on her face that makes Phil ask, "What was that?"
Bella turns to him with a dazed look on her face as she asks, "huh?"
"What was that, Bella? Last time you told me that there is no interest between the two of you but I am starting to think otherwise," Phil tells her with a frown on his face. He doesn't have a problem with her dating, his issue is that it feels like she wasn't being honest with him.
"There's nothing you have to worry about," she replies as she takes his hand in her hand and pats it.
"That didn't look like nothing to me," Phil tells her not dropping the topic.
She drops his hand and replies, "It's not something either."
"Then what is it?"
"I don't know," she replies, looking him in the eye for a couple of seconds and then turning to watch the boys.
"I don't like this," he replies.
Funny how men are all the same. They talk a big talk about giving you your freedom until you ask for it.
She doesn't know what to say or how to react because this entire thing feels like something.
Something to worry about.
"You see those two boys playing and chasing each other around?" she asks Phil after minutes of silence.
Not waiting for him to reply, she continues, "Those are the precise reasons why you don't have to worry about guys like Edward chasing me. I have too much baggage."
Phil moves closer to her and takes her hand in his then quickly replies, "You don't have too much baggage, my Bella. You deserve men like Edward chasing after you. Don't put yourself down."
She turns to look at him with sad eyes and quietly says, "I am not putting myself down. I am being realistic. Just because I deserve a guy like Edward to chase after me doesn't mean that he will. Men like him don't go for single mums. They don't want to put in that effort when they have options where they don't need to put in the effort."
Phil opens his mouth then closes it. He opens it again to say something and then shuts it not sure what to say. Seeing that Bella gives him a sad smile as if to say "I know. You don't have to tell me." She turns to the mobile phone she just took out of her pocket and fiddles with it. She needs to keep her hands busy.
"That's not true. I dated your mum when she was a single mum to-,"
"…a 12 year old. That is very different from two boys under the age of five. You dealt with a fully formed adult. Anyone that dates me will deal with babies. Plus Adam and Peter need way more care than I did at 12." she tells him finishing his statement and continuing her own.
"Maybe you are right on the time thing but you are wrong on the first one. The boys dad isn't involved. Whoever you date will be their dad for all intents and purpose. He won't have to contend with another man. He will get to raise them. I didn't have that with you. Like you said, you were fully formed with two parents, one more active than the other, but still you had a dad. So here I was considering you my daughter and trying to craft a niche area in your life knowing that you had a dad I could never measure up to. Things aren't as black and white as you think," he tells her.
Bella is silent for a moment then she hugs his side and tells him, "Sorry that I made things hard for you."
Phil pulled away and looked her in the eye before saying, "You made things fantastic, Bella. Fantastic things deserve that we work on them for a bit." He pulls her back toward him and wraps an arm around her shoulder and they watch her boys play.
"Bella, you deserve astonishing things in your life and those will need hard work. Maybe your hard work involves stepping outside of your comfort zone and trusting people."
She can tell him that she isn't interested in Edward, or that he isn't her type, but she sticks to the truth, "He isn't interested in me like that, which is good because I haven't been free for years and I would rather be free than in love."
That one sentence makes Phil understand the essence of all of Bella's nightmares and fears, and not for the first time he wonders what she went through in Forks, but for the first time he asks her.
After a minute of silence, she raises her head off his shoulder and looks him in the eyes with an iron clad gaze and tells him, "Nothing that will ever happen again."
Hello lovely people,
I had a lot of fun writing this chapter. Phil is one of my favorite characters in this story, and we got a Bella/Edward interaction. Tell me what you think in the review section.
One of you guys commented that you don't like Alice. To you I want to say that Alice is a very complex character that will have her ups and down in this story, and her relationship with Bella will evolve, so don't write her off.
Until my next update,
Stay Safe.