Chapter 55

The Emperor's New Groove

Mickey, Donald and Goofy watched in astonishment as Kuzco's servants remodeled the rooms and replaced the purple and blue walls with red and gold. "Gawrsh, how are they changing all this so fast?" Goofy asked.

The now-human Kuzco shrugged. "I dunno. Probably the same way they changed it in a few hours the first time when Yzma took over," he replied. Kuzco was a slim young man with a pointed chin and shoulder-length black hair. He wore a red tunic with a yellow collar, yellow feathered anklets, black sandals, a pair of blue disc-shaped earrings, and a gold crown that consisted of a hollow hemisphere and a wider half-circle which made it look like a rising sun. After he turned back into a human, Kuzco revealed himself to the guards and aides, who immediately sent out word that Kuzco was alive. After that, Kuzco offered to give his friends a tour of the palace.

"So, Kuzco, what's next?" Mickey asked.

"The last few days taught me that, despite what I always thought, I was not the best guy around," the emperor admitted. "And from what I heard back at the diner, the people weren't too happy with how I'd been running things. Well, that's all gonna change, pal. I'm turning myself around. I'll be making things right. No more 'no touchy', no tossing old guys out my windows for throwing off my groove, none of that jazz. I got a new groove to dance by, baby!"

Sora smiled at this. "Glad to hear that," he said.

Mickey chuckled. "Gosh, I think you're gonna do great," he assured him.

"Thanks for everything, guys," Kuzco said sincerely. He noticed everyone smiling warmly and realized he was getting emotional. He cleared his throat. "So, uh, guys. You said you're from way outta town, right? Anything special bring you to visit? Anything I can help you with?"

"Well, actually, there is something we were hoping to take a look at," Sora answered. "You see, there's this group of bad guys that's controlling the Heartless. We think Yzma might be part of the group. They've been going around a bunch of worlds searching for some closely-guarded artifacts. Like, centuries-old, no-one-can-know, artifacts. We've been trying to track them down and get ahead of them before they can gather them all, but we don't really know what it is we're supposed to be looking for. Would you happen to know anything that might help?"

Kuzco pondered the question for several seconds, then he snapped his fingers when he came up with something. "I don't know anything specific, but I do remember one of the guards telling a new guy about some things in the dungeon's vault that are no-touchy," he told them. "There had been one guy who touched this really big, really old tablet thing the wrong way, or something, and that guard arrested him. I don't remember what happened to him. Does that help?"

Sora traded glances with Mickey, Riku, Donald, Goofy, and Kairi, then turned back to Kuzco and nodded. "Well, that's a good place to start," he said. "Can we ask him about it?"

Kuzco averted his gaze. "Uh, I think we lost him during the chase yesterday," he answered. "I think he was the guy who got turned into a lizard."

"Oh…" Sora scratched the back of his head uncomfortably.

"But I'll give you permission to take a look around, if you'd like," Kuzco said.

"Thank you, Kuzco," Mickey replied. The others nodded.

Riku turned to Donald and Goofy. "Hey, how about you two check out Yzma's lab. Maybe she left something that could give us clues," he suggested.

Donald and Goofy nodded. "Good idea, Riku," Donald said.

"Okay, guys. Let's go take a look," Mickey affirmed.

They turned to leave, but Sora realized something. "Uh, how do we get to the vault?" he asked.

"Oh. Right. Hey!" Kuzco called to one of the guards. "Show these guys to the treasure vault."

The guard nodded and led them out of the room and down the hall.

"Wheeeeeeeeeee!" Goofy screamed as he and Donald rode the roller coaster into the laboratory. Donald was less cheerful, having lost a few feathers trying to get into the lab.

When they landed, they found themselves dressed in Yzma and Kronk's lab uniforms. On noticing this, they simply shrugged.

"So, where do you think we should look?" Goofy asked.

"Well, first we should check where she keeps her equipment and the materials she mixes to make the potions," Donald suggested. He shrugged. "Who knows? We might be able to find something about the bad guys lying around. We did make a mess of the place."

Goofy crouched when he approached the potions cabinet and lifted it so it stood upright again. He studied the markings on the shelves. "You know, Yzma might not have been the brightest plotter, but she was good at what she did," he commented, amazed by the wide range of potions she had concocted all by herself.

"Yeah," Donald agreed, perusing a scroll of notes that he found in one of the drawers in the desk that Riku and Pacha had knocked over the day before. She was resourceful, he had to admit. She had access to a wide range of ingredients.

Goofy glanced around the room for other places in which Yzma might hide her secrets. While scanning the area, his attention was drawn to a small item resting on the floor. What could that be? he wondered.

Donald read the scroll further, wondering why there had only been a single vial of human potion. He read the list of ingredients, many of which were quite common on other worlds. In fact, if they only had the recipes, he and Sora could have hypothetically had the Moogles create it in large amounts. He noticed that Yzma had added side notes next to most of the ingredients. From what she had determined, the ingredients were incredibly rare in this world. Makes sense, he thought. Now that I think about it, we haven't picked up any Lightning, Power or Serenity elements at all. Even Mythril was in short supply.

"Hey, uh, Donald," Goofy called to his companion. Donald turned to see what Goofy wanted to tell him. The duck tilted his head in confusion when he saw what Goofy was showing him. In the knight's hand was a large white feather with purple edges.

"What's that supposed to be?" Donald asked.

"Um, I think someone else had been in here," Goofy answered, a worried look on his face.

Sora, Mickey, Riku, and Kairi split up to search the entire treasure room. Mickey had advised them to look for the tablet but also to keep an eye out for anything else that might be of importance. Sora was fascinated by the sight of many large statues. Kairi saw a wall lined with a large number of jewels. While she did think they looked nice, she decided that none of them would be the kind of thing they were looking for, so she passed them. Mickey and Riku went to the opposite end of the room, which was lined with statues, tablets and steles depicting historical and religious documentation.

Riku came across a large tablet that appeared to depict what appeared to be two deities. From some text, Riku had guessed that the two deities were the sun god Inti and the death god Supai. He sniffed and found an interesting odor about it. He looked down and noticed that there was a ribbon barring him from stepping closer.

"Hey, I think I found it," he shouted, alerting his friends to his discovery.

Sora and Mickey ran over to join him. Kairi began to do so as well, but she sensed something amiss. She felt a strange power, a mix of darkness, nothingness, and something else she could not put her finger on. Realizing that the power hovered above her, she looked up.

The silver-haired man lounged on the shoulders of an enormous stone idol that was in the shape of a hooded figure. He giggled. "How amusing, thinking I sought the tablet," he said. He sat up and caressed the head of the statue. "It was merely a stage prop to set the scene. Alas, it will serve no purpose in the legend that shall be written." He conjured an enormous ball of ice, which he threw at the tablet with little effort. The ball of ice crashed into the tablet and broke it into many pieces. Riku ran away to avoid the stone remains from falling on top of him.

Sora, Riku and Mickey met up with Kairi by the idol. Sora glared up at the stranger. "Who are you supposed to be?" he shouted.

The silver-haired man flipped his hair back. "I am known as Kuja," he replied. "But you may know me as your Angel of Death."

"Try me! Firaga!" Sora summoned his Keyblade and fired the spell at him. The fire ball hit Kuja square in the chest and sent him flying back into the wall. Despite leaving a sizeable crack in the stone, Kuja pushed himself away and dusted himself off. Sora cast Thundaga, and a lightning bolt came down on Kuja's head. However, he did not seem to notice.

"If you'll excuse me, I shall be taking this," Kuja said. He waved his hand and a dark portal opened up beneath the idol, which started to sink into the gateway.

"We can't let him get away with that!" Mickey gasped. He cast Zero Graviga, but Kuja fired a bolt of energy that broke the spell's field. Kuja fired another spell that shrank the idol to human height.

Riku fired a Dark Firaga spell at Kuja, but this time he did not budge from it. Sora cast Blizzaga and Thundaga at him, but the ice crystal shattered against his skin and he did not react to the lightning surging through his body.

Kuja chuckled. "My, my. That tickles," he teased.

Sora gasped, unable to believe it. "She… she doesn't even feel it! It's not doing anything to her!"

Kuja raised an eyebrow. "She? You should know that I am a man," he remarked.

Sora tilted his head. "Wait… what?" he said, flabbergasted. "Oh. Um, you mean you identify as…"

"No," Kuja interrupted him. "I am actually biologically male. For real."

Sora was even more confused. He stared at Kuja in bewilderment, trying to reconcile his claims with everything that his entire appearance would imply. "But… you… you have… are…" Unable to come up with the right words, he simply moved his arms up and down in a wavy motion.

Kuja sighed. "Don't worry. I get that far more often than you can imagine. Now, back to business." He waved toward the idol, which was now neck-deep in the portal.

"I think I can get it," Riku said. He ran into the pool, but Kuja snapped his fingers and a pillar of fire blasted him into the air. The idol vanished into the portal and vanished.

"Don't let him get away!" Mickey shouted. He jumped up multiple statues, then leapt up to engage Kuja. He swung his Keyblade at him, sending him flying, but Kuja regained his balance and flew straight toward him. Kuja conjured a circle of glowing white orbs of light, which he sent right at Mickey. The orbs exploded and sent the mouse flying across the room.

"Give me a boost!" Kairi called. Sora threw his Keyblade at Kuja, then crouched and cupped his hands for Kairi to step in. He threw her up and she slashed Kuja in the back while he was on the recoil from getting hit in the side by the Kingdom Key. Instead of cutting his skin like she intended, however, the Keyblade bounced off of him, and Kairi lost her aerial balance. Kuja turned around and smirked, before he backhanded her, knocking him down to the ground. She laid prone, groaning in pain.

"Kairi!" Sora gasped. He glared up at Kuja, gritting his teeth. He jumped high into the air, leaving shoe-print-shaped indents in the floor. As soon as he got within range of Kuja, he swung his Keyblade at him with all of his strength. He struck Kuja several times in the span of a few seconds, then sent him flying with a finisher. But he was not finished yet, and he flung himself at Kuja for a prompt encore. The finishing blow sent Kuja straight through several statues and tablets before he finally crashed into a wall, leaving a huge imprint.

Sora fell to the ground and barely stuck the landing. He swung his arms around to get his joints back into gear. The Limit Break had taken a lot more out of him than he had thought. Seeing Kairi get hurt must have provoked him into putting more into each swing than usual. He breathed heavily, realizing how much energy he had burned with that. He allowed himself a small smile of satisfaction. That ought to have done something to him/her, he thought to himself.

Kuja walked out of the dust and rubble, appearing to be unharmed, though he seemed to be breathing a bit heavier and there may have been a slight limp in his step. Sora's eyes widened in fear.

"Hehe. Impressive," Kuja commended, clapping his hands. "But it appears that your performance is not quite up to snuff." He threw a fireball and a giant ice crystal, both of which hit Sora and sent him flying. He crashed into a statue and slumped to the ground.

Riku warped in and threw himself at Kuja, but the sorcerer was ready for him. Kuja spun around and shoved his hand into Riku's gut. A blast of silver light exploded and sent Riku tumbling through the air.

Mickey leapt through the air and threw three Pearl spells at Kuja, but the man swatted them aside like they were nothing and raised his fist. A Flare spell exploded above Mickey, launching him into the ground at great speed.

Sora, Riku, Kairi, and Mickey were all down for the count. Kuja walked over to Mickey and smirked.

"Such a shame," he lamented. "I had expected more from you all. No matter. I suppose that your power simply cannot approach mine." He turned around and walked away. A Corridor of Darkness appeared in front of him.

"You're just gonna leave us?" Mickey choked.

Kuja smirked back at him. "Killing you would be beneath me," he replied confidently. "Besides, I did not come here for you. You were merely an amusing diversion." He walked through the Corridor, which closed behind him.

Mickey groaned. He tried to force himself to his feet, but soon fainted from the pain.

"Curaga."

Mickey opened his eyes. Three fuzzy images hovered in front of his vision. He blinked several times until his vision cleared. Sora, Riku and Kairi looked down on him, their eyes filled with worry. He groaned and started to stand up. His friends smiled on seeing that he was okay. Riku helped Mickey to his feet.

Mickey groaned. "Where's Kuja?" he asked.

Riku shook his head. "He's long gone," he replied solemnly. "And he got the idol."

"I can't believe it," Sora lamented. "He beat us without even trying. We didn't even do anything to him."

"If this is really the kind of power Maleficent has aligned with," Kairi said, "then this is going to be a lot harder than we thought."

Mickey surveyed the immense damage and sighed. "We should meet up with Donald, Goofy and Kuzco," he told his friends. "Tell them what happened and plan our next move."

Sora sighed, surveying the damage. "I don't know about Kuzco, but I doubt the guards and custodians are going to be happy about all this."

Kuzco found Pacha sitting next to a diorama of the hills that Pacha's village was built on. Instead of Pacha's hut, Kuzco had placed a model of his prospective "Kuzcotopia" water park summer home. Kuzco frowned, remembering the way he had acted previously. Now was time to change things. He walked up to Pacha.

"So, you lied to me," he said.

"I did?" Pacha asked, confused.

"Yeah," Kuzco replied. "You said, 'when the sun hits this ridge just right, these hills sing. Well, pal, I got dragged all over those hills and I did not hear any singing." He put on a mock pout. Pacha raised his eyebrow in confusion, but then understood what he actually meant. "So, I'll be building my summer home on a more 'magical' hill, thank you."

He reached his hand out, and Pacha handed him a model of his own hut. "Couldn't pull the wool over your eyes, huh?" Pacha said, keeping up the act.

"No, no. I'm sharp. I'm on it. Looks like you and your family are stuck on the tuneless hilltop forever, pal."

Pacha smiled warmly. He tilted his head to look past Kuzco and his smile faded. Kuzco turned around, curious, and saw Sora, Riku, Kairi, and Mickey enter, looking rather beat up. Donald and Goofy walked in from the opposite direction and, on seeing the state their friends were in, ran over to check on them.

"Hey, what happened?" Pacha asked.

Sora and Mickey explained what happened. Donald and Goofy winced at multiple points throughout.

"Ouch," Kuzco sympathized. "You guys all right?"

"Yeah. We're fine now," Kairi answered.

"You guys find anything?" Riku asked Donald and Goofy.

"Well, we didn't find anything about the bad guys or what Yzma knew about what they're doing, but we found this," Goofy told them, holding up the feather.

Sora nodded. "That matches the ones in Kuja's hair," he affirmed. "That means Yzma was working with them."

"And I found Yzma's notes on all the potions she made," Donald added, holding up the scrolls. "I figured we could learn a few tricks from them."

"That's pretty interesting, Donald," Mickey replied, intrigued by the possibilities.

"You know, guys, there's something eating at me," Kuzco said. Everyone turned their attention to him. "You said he started dropping the idol through a dark portal thingy, and then shrank it, right? Why would he need to shrink it?"

The others pondered this question, realizing that he was right. "Maybe for easy storage?" Goofy guessed.

Riku shook his head. "If it was so hard to move and store, he would have shrank it and then carried it out with him," he countered. "And even then, he shrank it until it was as big as him, not into anything that would actually be easy to carry. It seemed like more of an afterthought, like he remembered that he was going to need it to be that exact size later, so he decided to get it over with."

"Maybe all of these artifacts, while they're in different shapes and sizes for safekeeping, have to be in the same size and general shape to work well together," Kairi suggested.

Mickey gripped his chin, considering what she had said. "You know, Kairi, you might be on to something," he said. "But I guess there's nothing else we can find here."

"You're leaving?" Pacha asked, sad to see them go.

"Yeah. We have to figure out what their endgame is and how we can stop them from getting there," Sora replied.

"Well, good luck, you guys," Kuzco said, waving. "I hope you find what you're looking for."

"Thanks, Kuzco, Pacha." Sora waved good-bye, as did his friends. They turned and left the room, heading for the exit so they can use the Safe Point they found when they first entered the city to return to the Gummi Ship.

After a moment of silence, Kuzco walked over to sit next to Pacha.

"You know, I'm pretty sure I heard some singing on the hill next to us," Pacha said, almost out of nowhere. He shrugged. "In case you're interested."