Chapter 10

A dream is a succession of images, ideas, emotions, and sensations that usually occur involuntarily in the mind during certain stages of sleep. But Stella wasn't sleeping—at least she didn't think she was. Maybe she was sleeping; she's in a stage of confusion right now. There was no way Kelly was standing at her door; there was no way he flew to New York; there was no way he dropped everything to come find her. She's not that important to anyone. Their eyes are still locked on each other. She slowly reached out her hand to touch his face. She flinches as her hand comes into contact with his face. His skin feels warm; she runs her thumb across his lips, and her eyes drop to his pink, soft, moist lips. Surprising herself and him. She leans in and brushes her lips against his, giving him a soft, invisible kiss. She inhaled his scent, which is a mixture of cologne and something she couldn't put her finger on, but whatever it was, it did something to her fragile heart. And she loved it.

"You're real," she whispered, looking into his deep blue eyes. "You're real?" She whispered again. "You're really here?" she asked, still a little uncertain. Her hands were cupping his face.

"I'm real, and I'm really here." He tells her.

His voice makes her drop her hands suddenly. Her mouth is dry, her heart is racing, and her chest feels tight. She looks down at the floor and steps back a little. And spoke. "Why are you here?"

"For you." He tells her, pulling her as close to him as possible. " I came for you Stella, and I'm not leaving here without you."

She swallowed hard. She could literally feel the heat of his body; they were inches apart. She stood close to him. Her heart raced as their eyes met and held. "You came after me," she said, her eyes wide and her tone unrecognizable. "Why would you do that?"

He caresses her cheek. "The world has a way of bringing two souls together that were meant to intertwine, and maybe it's fate or maybe it's our destiny. But I'm beyond grateful that you and I crossed paths. And I was given the chance to get to know you. I came after you because I need you, as you need me like the sun and sky need one another. That's the way we need each other. I want you, like you want me, even if you won't admit it. I already know "

"I can't..." Stella whispered quietly.

"Your words say one thing, but your eyes speak a different language." He rested his forehead against hers. "I know you are feeling what I'm feeling, and I know it scares you. I'm scared too."

She stares at him at a loss for words; she can't believe he is here. She never imagined he would come after her. Misty's words echo through her mind. "Take the risk, Stella."

"Oh, you might think I'm crazy, but..." he started as he reached into his pocket. "At the airport in Chicago, these ladies were selling these bracelets, and I thought of you." He said this as he pulled the bracelet out.

Stella's eyes widened. " Really?"

"Yeah, they are called Hug from Heaven bracelets." He hands her the bracelet. "The older lady gave me this card to go with it. It says a hug sent from heaven is found deep inside. To always remind you that I'm right here by your side. When you need me most, hold this bracelet tight."

Stella's eyes tear up as she holds the bracelet.

"Always remember I'm sending my love to you morning, noon, and night. I thought you would like it; that way you can feel a little bit closer to your mom, especially on your hard days."

She puts the bracelet on and pulls him into a tight hug. He tightens his grip on her. She's not sure how he does it, but when she's in his arms, she feels like everything's going to be okay; there's nothing to worry about at all. She's the safest she's ever been when his arms are wrapped around her. He closed his eyes and held her tighter than he'd ever held her. He inhaled her scent; she smelled like coconut and honey. The scent that was on his bed sheets and pillowcase is now in his arms.

She pulls slightly back from him and looks into his eyes. "Thank you for the bracelet; thank you for coming after me. I want to fall in love with you; I want that so much, I do, Kelly."

He can't believe the words coming out of her mouth, the same emotion shining in her brown eyes. He happily sighed. He lowered his mouth to hers; he couldn't hold back. Nothing in the world would have kept him from kissing her at that moment. He was overcome with so much joy by her words. The kiss was full of desire and need. She smiled at him as the kiss broke. "I love kissing you," she whispered against his lips.

"Feelings mutual, babe." He whispered back. They stand there, holding each other and staring into each other's eyes. Both had forgotten that they were standing in the hallway of her apartment building. until a voice broke them apart.

"Sorry to interrupt, but I have a pizza for Stella Kid." the young teenager said, as he gives them both a questionable look.

Kelly gave him a strange look, "Oh, sorry." Stella, she said as she reached into her pocket and handed him the money. "Thank you."

"You're welcome; you two continue on now." The young boy said as he winked at Kelly.

They both laughed at the young man "Come inside," Stella said as she walked into her apartment. Kelly grabbed his bag and followed behind her.

"This is really nice." He tells her as he takes in the amazing view. " Wow!" He whispered as he looked out the window. The view was unlike anything he'd ever seen before.

"The sunsets are breathtaking from that window." She tells him that as she puts the pizza down on the coffee table, she walks over and grabs a picture frame from her shelf.

He wants to ask how can she afford this place since she's not working anymore and about Misty's death, but he doesn't want to upset her. She seemed happy he was here, and he wanted to keep her that way as long as possible.

"Come here; I want to show you something." She said this as he sat down on her couch.

He sat down beside her, and she got as close as possible to him. "This is going to sound really crazy, but I've been talking to my mom a lot." She said this as she handed him the frame she picked up.

"This is your mom?" He asked as he looked at the picture.

" Yeah"

Stella was her identical twin; with the same curly black hair and brown eyes and the same incredible smile, he fell in love with. "You are a spitting image of her."

Stella smiled, "Yeah, people tell me that all the time." She watches him as he continues to look at the picture. "I believe in spiritual signs; I know it sounds crazy. But you gave me this bracelet and said it was so I could feel closer to my mom. It's like I feel my mom answered my prayer through you."

He looks at her. "It doesn't sound crazy," he tells her as he puts the frame down. And takes her hands into his.

"When I was little, my mom and I would have little chats out on our deck about everything. On my fourteenth birthday, I was really upset because the guy I was crushing on didn't show up at my party. " She paused as she played with his fingers. "Mom came out to the deck and wrapped her arms around me and said he's a fool; if he can't see how much fun and how beautiful you are, he's a fool. You deserve better."

"I agree; he was a damn fool." His tone is so serious, and the smile he gave her made her heart melt.

She smiled at him. " My mom said, let this be a lesson. Let people's actions show you how much they need you. How much they love you and how much they want you to be part of their lives. Always let their actions speak for themselves." She took a deep breath and wiped his face. "You coming after me must mean you really care about me. "

"I do. I know it's crazy to feel this strongly about someone you just met, but I can't help it. We have a strong connection, and I want to explore this connection. I believe we've got something real between us."

"I do too." She agrees with him, she's been feeling it, but her doubt was there too, but the whole bracelet thing took her by surprise.

Kelly took a deep breath and lifted her chin. He wanted her to know what he was about to say was true, and that he meant it. "Stella, I want to love you and be there for you in all the ways you've always wanted. In all the ways you have always deserved, in the means that will leave no doubt in your mind, that you can trust me, count on me, rely on me, and hopefully one day fall hopelessly in love with me," He added the last part with a laugh. But she knows what he is saying, the whole part is how he truly feels.

She leans in and kisses him; their kiss lasts for a few minutes. She pulls back. "I'm glad you came after me," she tells him sweetly. "I want everything you want, Kelly. I do. " She looks down at his shirt as she thinks about how to put into words what she wants to tell him. "Before I met you, I felt that I couldn't ever love anyone, trust anyone, or let anyone in. No one would ever want to love me because of what I've been through; I led myself to believe that I was so damaged beyond repair, and if one day I started to open up to someone, once they realized how emotionally and mentally damaged, I am, they would just leave and I'd be alone again."

"Stella, you're..."

She put her hands up, and silenced him "Kelly, let me finish, please." She said this, not looking at him.

He's not sure where this conversation is going. " Okay," he whispered, as he watched her. He might have only known her for a short time, but he was starting to know her facial expressions.

She sighed. "I didn't think anybody would be able to fill the void in my heart. Or care enough to help me pick up the pieces of what they stole from me. but all that changed when I met you. You broke my barriers; you opened me up. " She paused and looked at him but just for a second. "You touched my soul. You made me feel alive again. I haven't felt alive since I was 15. I want to fall hopelessly in love with you; I want to experience what love truly is; I want to fall in love and never look back. And I want to experience all of that with you."

Kelly was grinning like a schoolboy at her. "I want that too, so we're on the same page; we both want to be together; we both feel the strong connection; we both are on the verge of falling in love with each other. So, let's do it. Come back to Chicago with me, and we can experience this love thing together in a place we both love."

She looked up at him, giving him a lopsided smile. "Honestly, I didn't just visit Chicago because I wanted to see Gabby or to reconnect with the city. I was actually planning on moving there. I just didn't say anything to anyone."

Kelly gave her a confused look. "If that was your plan, why did you leave?"

She bit her lip for a minute. "Because you scared me, I wasn't expecting to meet you and have my whole life change in a week. I thought if I left, everything would just magically go back to the way it was and you would forget all about me."

"That wasn't going to happen; I wasn't just going to sit back and do nothing." He tells her like she's crazy.

"I know that now." She tells him "Kelly, I want to go back to Chicago with you and be in a relationship with you; I want to know you better than anyone knows you. I want our connection to grow, but..." she trailed off.

Kelly was all smiles until she got to the but part. "But what?" he questioned.

She looked down at their fingers "Before we can be together, I want you to know everything about my past. I want to be completely honest with you, and...

"I'm not going anywhere, Stella." He said cutting her off.

"Kelly, you don't know everything." She tells him, as she takes a deep breath

He lifted her chin again "I don't care; nothing you can tell me will change my mind. I'm not going anywhere Stella; you aren't getting rid of me that easy." His tone is teasing but she can hear the seriousness there too.

Stella looked at him with so much joy reflecting in her eyes. She was silently praying he meant what he said, but she wasn't holding out hope because she knew he would see her in a different light. "Well, I hope you still feel that way after you hear everything, and I mean everything."

"I will; nothing is going to change my mind, Stella; I'm all in." He told her as he kissed her forehead. He can see the fear in her eyes, and he's curious to hear what she has to say. She has already been through so much, what else could she be hiding? He wondered.

She gave him an unsure smile and said, "Okay, I'm going to get me some wine, and I'll get you a beer. I think I still have one or two beers. I haven't been grocery shopping in weeks." She tells him as she stands up. She walks to the kitchen and says, "I need to eat something I haven't eaten in... " She trailed off, "Actually, I'm not sure the last time I ate."

Kelly walks around looking at pictures she has on the wall and her shelves. He sees a picture of a younger version of Stella and her firefighter suit; she is posing with an older lady. "That was taken after I passed the firefighter test," she said, as she entered the room and noticed what he was looking at. "That's Misty, the reason I even consider being a firefighter, the woman who saved my life."

Kelly put the picture down and walked back to the couch. "You looked really happy in that picture."

"It was the best day of my life." She said this as she opened the pizza box. Kelly's phone rings.

"It's Gabby," he said as he answered it. "Yes, I made it sorry, I forgot to text you." Stella sat there, listening to the one-sided conversation. "I found her; she's good." He said this as he stared at Stella. "She was happy to see me... Yes. I will. I promise." Stella laughed as he kept rolling his eyes and taking the phone from his ear. "Bye, Gabby," he said fast and hung up. "Man, she can talk."

"How did you find me?" she asked, now curious. As she thought about it.

Kelly arched his eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"How did you find my address? I know you all knew I lived in New York, but I never gave Gabby or you my actual address."

Kelly sighed. He knew she was going to get upset. "Gabby and I called some of the firehouses here looking for you... And my chief knew someone here, and we called him, and he told me...

"That I'm not a firefighter anymore," she said, finishing his sentence.

"Yeah, Stella, I wanted to say something, but I didn't want to upset you; I wanted you to tell me when you were ready."

Stella was silent for a bit, and Kelly wasn't sure what to say or do. "I was going to tell you, just wasn't sure how."

"What happened? I thought you liked being a firefighter."

She shrugged and sighed loudly. "I loved it, I miss it, but I wasn't firefighter material anymore. " She tells him, as she looks down at the pizza "I did something that wasn't... " She began but stopped.

Kelly studied her for a minute. "That wasn't what?" he questioned, his curiosity kicking in now.

Stella closed her eyes and took a deep breath. " Kelly, I told you I wanted to be completely open to you; I wanted you to know everything I went through. But I need time to process how to explain that part to you. I'm not ready just yet." she paused. Giving him a hopeful smile. "I promise, in time, you will know everything. But for now, I want to start where I left things and work my way up to that part. Is that okay?" she asked him in a nervous tone.

"That's fine; you tell me whatever you want to tell me and take your time. I'm not going anywhere." He reassured her. "Were go at your pace."

" Thank you," she said. Happy that he was understanding, she wasn't sure how to explain that part to him just yet. That's the part she's afraid will convince him that she's not good enough for him. She doesn't think he would look at her the same after he finds out what she did.

About an hour after eating, talking, kissing, and laughing. She was ready to talk, she got really close to him. "Can you do me a favor?"

"Anything," he tells her as he turns to look at her.

"Will you hold me close? I feel safe and content in your arms. like nothing bad can happen to me." She tells him, as she bit her lip.

He wrapped his arms around her, and she curled into his side. He kissed the top of her head. She smiled and breathed him in. " That night, Sonny told me about what he and his friends did to Stacy. I was so upset. I was screaming and hitting him. He was still on top of me as I was trying to push him off me. He wrapped his hands around my throat. I thought he was going to kill me. I was gasping for air. I started to black out. And then I heard get off her, come from somewhere, but I didn't recognize the voice. I woke up in the hospital, a couple days later."

Kelly rubbed her back comfortingly, as she continued to tell her story.

"The nurse that helped me the first time was sitting beside my bed when I woke up. She said that some guys were outside my aunt's house; their car had broken down, and they were trying to fix it. They heard me screaming and called the police. Sonny was arrested and charged with rape, attempted murder, and voluntary manslaughter of an unborn child."

Kelly closed his eyes, silently thankful that Sonny was arrested, but his heart broke for the innocent baby. "You were finally free of Sonny."

"Physically, yeah, but mentally and emotionally, no." She whispered as her tears fell. "I was a witness in his trial, and he got a life sentence for killing my baby. But I was mentally exhausted and unstable. I was living in my aunt's house, and I just wanted to escape my thoughts, so I started going out to clubs to kill the pain. I met this guy named Kevin at a club one night and got hooked on cocaine. Months flew by, and I had hit rock bottom. Kevin was out of town, and I needed a fix but didn't have any money. I was so desperate. I did something so stupid."

Kelly looked down at her "What did you do?"

She was quiet for a while, and she closed her eyes tightly. "I went to Paul..." she trailed off; she was ashamed of herself for seeking so low.

Kelly knew exactly what that meant. "Drugs make you do stupid things; it's not your fault. You do things you would never do if you were sober."

Stella pulled back and looked at him. "You were hooked on drugs?"

"I had a problem with painkillers; it got really out of control for me. But my best friend Shay got me through it."

She smiled, "I'm glad you had someone to count on; you're lucky." she tells him, as he kisses her forehead.

"I was very lucky," he tells her as he touches her cheek. I wish you could have met her. She would have loved you."

"I wish too." She tells him as she curls back into his arms. He tightened his grip on her, and they sat there hugging and enjoying each other's company for a while.

"I was so desperate for a fix that I let Paul have sex with me. He started staying at my aunt's house with me, and I allowed him to do whatever he wanted to me as long as I got my drugs. " She paused, "One night he came home with this guy and... I was so in need of a fix... that..." She was struggling to get out the words; she was afraid he would see her as a slut. But she wanted to tell him everything. "They both had their way with me that whole week just so I could get my fix."

This was definitely more than Kelly wanted to know, but he knows she is just being honest with him. So, he continues to listen closely.

"One night I was high; I don't remember much, just certain things here and there. But I do remember lying on the floor with Paul on top of me and the other guy kissing me. There was a knock at the door, and Paul yelled, "Go away. I remember smelling smoke and then seeing flames, Paul, and that guy got up and ran out of the house."

"They left you there?" Kelly asked in disbelief.

Stella wiped her tears that had fallen. "Yeah, they left me laying on the floor naked; I could move; it was like my mind was telling me to get up, but my body was too exhausted to move; the smoke got thicker, and I was getting sleepier; I thought maybe this is my way out... I was finally at peace, and I would be reunited with my mom... I was ready to die."

Kelly felt his tears fall as she continued. He hated that all this happened to her, she was nineteen and alone in the world

"I closed my eyes and waited to die." She looked up at him. Her heart hurt for the tears he was crying. She wiped them away softly. "I was ready to throw the towel in on my horrible life. But God wasn't going to let that happen. I heard someone say she has a barely functioning pulse. Then I blacked out. I woke up in the hospital again. I woke up to find Misty standing beside my bed. They told me in the middle of the night that someone deliberately set fire to my aunt's house. I lost everything that night. Everything I owned was gone. Everything my mom gave me was gone. All I had left was that picture I showed you. That's because I kept it in my glove box in my car. Everything was gone, including my aunt's house."

"Stella, I am so sorry." He tells her this as he kisses her forehead.

"Misty changed my life; she helped me through everything. This is Misty's penthouse. She left everything to me when she died last year. " She pulled away from him and stood up. "Misty came from lots of money; she didn't even have to work; she did it because she loved being a firefighter; she loved saving people. That's how she died too..." Her voice was a little shaky.

Kelly watched as she walked over to the window. She looked out the window and said, "She left everything to me—her home, a house in Manhattan, all her money—it's not fair. It's just not fair; her life was cut short because..." She said, as she struggled to get her breathing under control, her chest was tight, and she knew she was having an attack again. This always happens when she thinks about Misty.

Kelly got up and walked over to her. "Hey, it's okay," he said, slowly pulling her to him. "I'm right here."

She was shaking and trembling, struggling to catch her breath. Kelly felt she was having a panic attack. "Babe, just breathe I'm right here," he tells her as he helps her lower herself to the floor. "Inhale... 123... exhale...123..." he repeats the steps over and over. "You're okay; you're safe," he assured her.

Stella leans up against the wall as her breathing returns to normal. She swallowed hard and opened her eyes. Her body felt relief as she saw Kelly's blue eyes looking at her. His calmness and his eyes calmed her down. She did the breathing exercises for a few more minutes and felt her heart rate go down. "Thank you," she tells him. "I have

"Panic attacks," He finished for her. "I've seen it a few times on calls."

Stella smiled at him and said, "Talking about certain situations brings them on." she tells him. "So, fair warning I might have more as I talk about other situations, I'm still learning how to control them."

Kelly kissed her forehead and said, "We don't have to talk anymore." he tells her as he pulls her into a hug.

She shakes her head and hugs him tightly. "I need to talk; I need to get this off my chest. I want to tell you everything."

Kelly gives her a small smile and kisses her forehead again. "Okay, just take your time, and if you start to feel overwhelmed again, just breathe," he tells her as he rocks her back and forth.

Stella bit her lip as she prepared herself for what she needed to tell him. "Misty died because of me... I'm the reason she is dead."

Kelly arched his eyebrow. "Stella, it's not your fault; it was a gas station explosion. You didn't do anything."

"How did you know?" She asked, in a confused tone. She pulled back waiting for him to answer her.

"When we called my chef's friend he told us about Misty, I wasn't sure whether to bring it up or not. I didn't want to upset you." He tells her, as she eyes him for a moment. She doesn't talk so he continues. " At the airport waiting on my flight, I decided to google her, and I read the articles that they had on her, it said that a drunk driver hit a gas pump and caused the fire and the whiskey he was drinking hit the ground that was covered in gasoline. Misty was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, the guy who was stupid enough to throw his cigarette down on a ground full of gasoline is to blame not you." He said in an assuring tone.

She still wasn't talking, and he was getting worried now. " Stella," he said, as he cupped her face, she looked at him for a moment, her eyes filled with tears.

Stella closed her eyes tightly. "It blew up because of me, she died because of me, she saved me again, but this time it cost her, her life."