Thank you to everyone for your feedback. It really means a lot to me. ki4pak, Pharmergirl, decadenceofmysoul, kirbyschoice, and the guests LuvJamieReagan, Alex, LoveMeSomeFrankR, and Ten. Also Pharmergirl, it bothered me too that Jack's only punishment for skipping school and drinking underage was to lose his cell phone for four months or so. I mean come on Danny, you're a cop. There's gotta be something more strict that you can do to make sure it doesn't happen again or that his little brother doesn't do the same thing. I'm also surprised it didn't get brought up at Sunday dinner. Certainly Henry or Frank would have something to say about it.
Anyway thanks to the rest of you for reading and adding this to your favorite and alert lists. Now on to the chapter most of you have been waiting for. Anna's change of attitude.
It was late afternoon and Anna was standing in a meadow she didn't recognize, but it didn't really matter how she got there or why it had to be a meadow. She slowly looked around and once she was all the way around, she noticed a tree on a hill with a rope swing blowing gently in the wind. She smiled and hiked up the hill, sitting down on the swing, slowly pushing herself back and forth. Soon she felt hands on the ropes at her sides that began pushing her. "Hi Joe," she said.
"Hey, Banana," Joe answered. She didn't know how she had known it was Joe before he said anything, nor was she sure it really mattered. "You've been really angry lately," he said before she could ponder him being there any longer.
"Have not," she argued.
"Okay, maybe not angry but short-tempered and standoffish," Joe amended.
"A little I guess."
"It's okay to grieve, Banana, no one is going to fault you for being down about it. Death is part of life and I know it felt like a 1-2-3 punch losing me so soon after your grandma and great-grandma and you think it wasn't fair but heaven needs angels more than hell needs demons. My time on earth may have been short but I helped a lot of people and my spirit lives on," he was suddenly kneeling in front of her stopped swing, "in here," Joe pressed his hand to her heart, "and in your dad and in every life I've touched."
"It still hurts," Anna answered with tears in her eyes.
"And it probably always will but being happy isn't an insult to my memory. In fact, it's a way of honoring my memory. I loved seeing my sweet, little Banana happy. Her happiness was always infectious. On my worst days, I would come over and you'd be so happy to see me that everything that was bringing me down would always melt away. Danny called it my dose of sunshine. You made everything better."
"Dad doesn't think so anymore."
"Of course he does. And the happier you are, the more he'll show it. You've just been so upset lately that he's forgotten how great it is to come home at night. Cheer up my little Banana, and it will work wonders for the family."
"How?" Anna asked confused.
"Remember what I always told you?" Joe asked, smiling softly.
"No."
"Yes, you do."
"No, I don't."
"Yes, you—"
"Anna, breakfast!" Jack called up the stairs.
Anna sat bolt upright and it took a moment for her to realize that she was sitting in her bed and not in a meadow talking to her dead uncle. That had all been a dream. She tried to remember what he had been referring to as she stared at his picture on her nightstand. "Look for the best in people and expect the worst. That way you'll never be surprised or disappointed." Joe's words came floating back as Jack peaked into her room.
"You okay?" he asked. "You always yell at me for yelling at you."
"Yeah, just thinking," Anna answered, kicking off her covers.
"Happy birthday," Jack said.
"Thanks, Kid," Anna smirked. After breakfast Anna and Jack took over the couch and popped in a racing game as Sean sat on the other couch and watched them. Around noon there was a knock at the door. Sean jumped up and raced to answer it as his older siblings did their best to beat each other in the game. Anna was currently winning. "Oh, take that!" Anna cheered, jumping up and doing her victory dance.
"Hey, Uncle Jamie," Sean said, letting the man in.
"No fair, you cheated," Jack whined to Anna.
"So because I won, I cheated?" Anna asked.
"No, you cheated because you cheated," Jack answered.
"Jack, stop calling your sister a cheater. Jamie, can I get you anything?" Linda asked.
"No, thank you. This takes me back though," Jamie motioned to Jack and Anna. "Reminds me of Danny and Erin."
"Yeah, I can see that. Anna, I told you to be dressed by noon. Jack, turn off the game and you and Sean go wash up for lunch," Linda told them.
"I am dressed and it's only ..." Anna trailed off when she saw the time.
"No PJ's. You're going out with your uncle for the afternoon. Now go!" Linda demanded.
Anna bolted up the stairs and got dressed. "Okay, so where are we going?" Anna asked as Jamie started the car.
"Figured I'd take you to lunch and to see that superhero movie that came out this summer for your birthday," Jamie answered.
"I've been wanting to see that movie all summer. Thanks, Uncle Jamie. Now, I get why Mom said I couldn't hang out with my friends until after 5," Anna said.
"You're going out with friends tonight?"
"For my birthday. Sofie and Nicky will be there too. I know we're not doing anything with family until Saturday. It's not like it's my sweet 16 or anything." Jamie nodded his understanding. When they came out of the movie, Anna couldn't stop smiling, at least not until they headed back for Staten Island. "Uncle Jamie, thank you for today. It really helped but—"
"I know how you feel, Anna," Jamie said. Anna stared at her uncle. "You feel guilty. You feel like being so happy means you're moving on and forgetting about Joe. He'd never see it that way. You lit up Joe's world with your happiness. What did he and Danny call it?" They sat at a red light and Jamie tapped his thumb against the steering wheel as he thought. As they started moving again, Jamie smiled. "That's right, his dose of sunshine. Seeing you happy and full of light, made even the darkest clouds blow away. He'd want you to be happy Anna. To chase even our darkest days away. Being happy doesn't mean you forget Joe, it just means ..."
"Making peace with what happened and finding a way to keep living," Anna finished.
"Exactly," Jamie agreed.
Halfway through dinner that Saturday night, Nicky put down her knife and fork and studied her cousin seriously. "You're creeping me out Nicky," Anna warned.
"I'm just trying to figure out what's changed. It's been bothering me since Thursday night," Nicky answered.
"Nothing's changed," Anna shrugged, "I'm the same old me."
"Did you get a new hair cut I didn't notice, kid?" Danny asked.
"Nope," Anna said, "Same old hair. Though now that you mention it, it probably needs a trim." Anna picked up a blonde strand and looked at the ends.
"It's not physical, it's more ... I don't know," Nicky sighed.
"You're happier, more at peace. It's like someone turned the light back on inside you," Frank said.
"Maybe Joe did," Anna said thoughtfully. Everyone at the table froze. "I had a dream the other night and Uncle Joe was there. He basically said that being happy doesn't insult him but rather honors what he was trying to do. He loved seeing me happy and while it will always hurt that he died so young, the world is bad enough without me adding to it. If I can be a ray of sunshine for even one person, maybe his spirit will live on."
"What did you used to call it, Danny? Any time Joe dropped by to see Anna?" Henry asked.
"His dose of sunshine. He always seemed happier when he was around Anna. Angie was great for him too, but Anna ..." Danny shook his head.
"Boys, help me clear?" Nicky said. Anna reached for her dad's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze as a lump formed in her throat. The boys got up and helped Nicky clear the table.
As they took the last load into the kitchen, Frank looked at his oldest grandchild. "You were about two maybe three years old the first time your uncle Joe had to discharge his weapon with a fatal result on the job. He threw up after it sank in. For the rest of that week he was nervous and jumpy and much like a long tailed cat in a room of rocking chairs. He came over that Sunday, the minute you ran to him, everything disappeared. The stress, the nervousness, the anxiety, all of that just went out the window. Your parents had been telling us for weeks the effect you had on your uncle but that was the first time we actually saw it. His entire body relaxed and he smiled for the first time in a week."
"You're going to make me cry, Grampa." Frank frowned having not intended to make her upset. "Happy tears, I promise," Anna added, seeing his face. Then Nicky, Jack, and Sean came out of the kitchen with a cake, singing Happy Birthday. Anna smiled a bit but didn't look surprised in the least.
"You're not surprised," Nicky said, pouting. Anna shrugged and blew out the candles.
"Same cake every year. I'm grateful but not surprised." Anna grinned. "Thank you though. It's a great cake and I'm sure it's delicious."
A few weeks later Anna and her brothers were camped out on the couch in the Reagan homestead when Erin and Nicky walked in. "We're here!" Erin called up the stairs.
Anna looked up from her computer at her aunt and smiled, impressed by her aunt's dress. "Wow, Aunt Erin, you look beautiful," she said.
"Thank you, Anna," Erin said.
Nicky leaned over the back of the couch between the two boys. "Hey, boys, if you finish your homework, I rented The Waterboy," she told them.
"Cool," Jack said. The boys followed Nicky into the kitchen as Frank came down the stairs.
"I'm here," Frank said. He had his suit jacket in one hand and both his shirt cuffs were undone. "Why am I going to this again?" he asked, handing the jacket to Erin.
"Because Tony Bennett is singing, and because the new mayor invited you," Henry answered as Linda did up Frank's shirt sleeves.
"It is customary for a new mayor to review the standing commissioners from his transition office, not at a fundraiser," Frank said.
"Yeah, but when you get called to the new principal's office, everyone's on edge. A nice, sit-down dinner with good music and everyone relaxes," Anna put in.
"Exactly," Erin added. "I'm sure he just wants to get to know you better."
"If Tony wasn't singing I'd have passed," Frank told his daughter.
"And maybe he knew that," Erin said.
"Don't burn the bridge, Francis," Henry added.
"And don't be surprised if the mayor drops by 1PP sometime later this week. It's like when I was in the eighth grade and we got a new headmistress. Dropping by unexpected can show you how things truly work when you're not there as compared to when they expect you to drop by and are on their best behavior," Anna said.
"Go find your brothers, Anna," Linda said. Anna knew her mom only wanted her out of the room so they could talk about the case her dad was working revolving around two friends of Erin's.
"What are you doing and where are Nicky and Jack?" Anna asked, startling Sean as he knelt on a kitchen stool trying to reach something in one of the upper cabinets in the kitchen.
"Looking for the double stuffed Oreo's Grandpa keeps up here and Jack and Nicky are setting up the movie," Sean answered.
"You haven't had dinner yet," Anna said.
"You sound like Mom," Sean complained, looking back at his sister.
"I'll get it, finish up your homework," Anna said. Sean left the room and Anna replaced the stool at the kitchen island then walked to the rarely used cabinet in the corner next to the pantry and dug out the cookies. She pulled out a stack and entered the sunroom sticking the cookies on the table.
"You could have brought the entire package," Jack complained.
"Could have, didn't. Whine anymore and I'll never bring you cookies again. Besides, Sean, they weren't in that cabinet," Anna said.
"Then where were they?" Sean asked.
"If I told you that, you wouldn't need me," Anna smirked, plopping down next to Nicky on the couch. Nicky laughed and started the movie as she grabbed a cookie. During dinner Anna looked at her mom. "Mom, how come you don't go to fancy dinners and fundraisers with Grampa? Why does he always go with Aunt Erin?"
"Because I have three kids to get into bed before nine p.m. and your schools aren't on the way to your grandfather's work like Nicky's is. And don't even say your dad could have picked you up, he's working late tonight," Linda answered. Suddenly Anna felt real bad for keeping her mom from a nice night with her grandpa. "Besides," Linda said as if reading Anna's mind, "your aunt enjoys these things more than I ever would." Anna nodded but wasn't too convinced though she didn't push it any farther.
"How's your granddad?" Jim asked Friday at lunch.
"He's fine," Anna said suspiciously.
"I meant with the new mayor. I know he's offered his letter of resignation," Jim said. Anna looked at him confused. Jim shouldn't know that. Not many people did know that. "My family's been in the fire business almost as long as your family has been in the police business, maybe even longer. Don't you think at least one of my relatives was Fire Commissioner at one point?"
"True," Anna said. It made sense. "I don't know. I'm pretty sure the mayor needs my grampa to stay on but I've seen the trouble he's faced especially with my dad and uncle on the force and I wonder if it's really worth it for him to face the firing squad again and again."
"You ever tell him that?"
"Not my place. Do you think maybe I could come over sometime in the next week and we could work on my pitching and hitting a bit?"
"How about tomorrow?" Jim asked. "It's never too early to get started."
"I'll talk to my mom but it shouldn't be a problem," Anna answered. Linda was a little wary of letting Anna go over to Jim's house alone but when she found out that both his mom and sister would be there she relented and dropped Anna off just after 10 a.m.
"Hello, Anna," Mrs. Miller said as she opened the door for the young girl.
"Hi, Mrs. Miller. Jim's here, right?" Anna asked.
"Yeah, he's in the backyard. You going out for varsity this year?"
"I'll try just like I did last year but I'm not sure I'll make it."
"Well, training with Jim will help. How's the family?"
"Good. Dad's working a lot, brothers are growing quick, and Mom's great."
"Tell the family we said hi," Mrs. Miller said. Anna nodded and headed for the backyard nodding hello to Jim's older sister as she passed through the kitchen.
"Please, tell me my mom didn't embarrass me," Jim said as Anna joined him.
"Not at all. We talked about baseball and family. Really short talk."
"You didn't see my nieces did you?"
"No, they're what? Five and three?" Anna asked.
"Yeah, they're probably upstairs playing. Let's get to work," Jim answered.
"What's with the net?" Anna motioned to the eight foot tall, ten foot wide net that stretched about two feet in front of Jim's side fence between two tall posts.
"That's my batting net. It stops the ball from going into the neighbor's yard. My brother's idea. Kinda a homemade batting cage."
"Okay." Anna pulled her bat from her bag and they worked on her hitting. About an hour later she switched to pitching and Jim tried hitting off her. "Thanks for this, Jim," Anna said when they finished up just after noon.
"Sure, any time. You know, I really think you'll make varsity this year if you keep pitching like that. Those last couple I barely managed to hit," Jim answered. He tossed an arm around her shoulders and grabbed her bag then led her back inside.
"Thanks, I'm trying but even if I do, I won't be the starting pitcher. I'll probably play less than half the games."
"Hey, you're a sophomore, can't expect everything to go your way."
"True." Anna smiled.
"Kids, you want some lunch?" Mrs. Miller asked.
"What you got?" Jim asked as he put Anna's bag down inside the back door.
"Peanut butter. However if you don't want that, I've also got lunch meat."
"Peanut butter is fine," Jim told his mom speaking for both him and Anna. She nodded though just so his mom knew it was okay with her. After lunch Anna called her mom who came and got her. Remembering her manners Anna again thanked Jim for the help and his mom for her hospitality and for the lunch she had made. She of course said it was no problem and that Anna was welcome over any time. The following night at dinner, Anna found out what happened in her dad's case. It turned out that Erin's friends had been close with the mayor and the widow had pulled some strings, or the mayor had, and the case had been ripped from Danny by I.C.E. and the Justice Department. They were deporting the main suspect back to his home county where he'd stand trial. Anna was glad he'd be standing trial but not that it wouldn't be in New York where the crime actually happened. It was a sour victory for everyone involved.
Before long Jack and Sean were playing video games on their handhelds in the sunroom and Frank brought up his job when Linda returned to the table. He told them how the mayor asked him to stay and that he wanted their input before he gave the mayor his answer. Of course the rest of the family told him to go for it and Nicky suggested a vote. "All those in favor?" she said. Every hand around the table went up except Anna's and Frank's. Anna stared determinedly at her slice of apple pie vowing not to put her true feelings out there but still trying to come up with a reason as to why he should stay on.
"Francis, you can't abstain in your own election," Henry said. Frank thought for a moment, sighed, then also raised a hand. Then all eyes turned to Anna. She could feel them on her even if she didn't look up to check.
"Unlike the regular election, you do actually get a vote here, kid," Danny said.
She thought that over for a minute then finally lifted her eyes to look at him before looking at her grandfather. "I know," she said softly.
Everyone put their hands down as they continued to watch Anna. "You don't want Grandpa to continue on as commissioner?" Nicky asked.
"Not what I said." Anna's attention went back to her pie.
"Then you do?" Jamie asked, resting an arm on the back of her chair.
"Didn't say that either."
"Those are the only two options, kid," Danny said.
"Anna, what are you saying?" Frank asked, ignoring his son.
"Are you sure I have the right to say anything about your job?" Anna asked, glancing at him.
"Since it affects you then I'd say so," Frank told her.
"Even if you weren't the current PC, you'd still be a PC and I'd still be that Reagan. Even with 30 other Reagans in the phone book, I'll always be that Reagan. I can't make this decision for you and nothing I say should make you make up your mind. You love being commissioner for a reason. I know it was hard for you to accept the job after grandma died; to stay on after Uncle Joe, but a great man once told me: find something you love doing and you'll never work a day in your life. It's not a decision to take lightly, staying on as PC. There are going to come times when you regret it, but there are also times where you'll absolutely love doing what you do and times where being the PC will come in handy; like with the Blue Templar. Besides you're not even 65 yet, what would you do with all that free time?" Anna asked.
"So far, other than being "that Reagan" you haven't given me a reason not to," Frank said.
"You're constantly saying you're not a politician but if you were to stay on you'd continue to be in the position to have to handle politicians; something you don't like doing." Anna went to continue but shook her head.
"That your only reason?"
Anna was silent for a few moments as she stared at her pie. "How much do you really like the mayor looking over your shoulder? Not being able to drive yourself anywhere? Missing out on your grandchildren growing up because you run the PD for the most targeted city in the US, quite possibly the world?" Anna shook her head. "Bottom line," Anna looked up at her grandfather, "do you really need the extra you get from still working over what you'd make as a retired commissioner? If the answer is no, then ask yourself why you're doing this job. If it's because you have to but it's not about the money then maybe you shouldn't stay on. However if you're doing this job because you want to, because you love getting up each morning and being commissioner, because they could pay you a million dollars to quit and you'd turn them down, then perhaps you're right where you're supposed to be. Either way your family loves you and will support you no matter what."
The table was dead silent for a moment or two. "When did you grow up?" Danny asked.
"Around the time no one was looking. Always seems to happen. One day you're taking naps at school and the next you're learning to drive and hating your parents."
Everyone at the table laughed. Anna smiled. Joe had been right, being happy cleared her mind and Sunday dinner seemed to end on a happier note than it started on.