Today would be the day that Killua died.
No question about it. He was going to fucking die.
Either he'd be struck by a stray bolt of lightning or he'd chuck himself out the window and into the street outside of his apartment. He'd be gone with a bloody splat and he'd never have to suffer through the embarrassment ever again.
Oh, sis, does Killua have a story for you!
He woke up this morning in a grumpy daze, just like any other day. He didn't recall a damn thing from the previous night, week, month, year, lifetime - he was nothing more than a very grumpy very tired gremlin who did not deserve to be tortured with wakefulness at this ungodly hour.
In his natural fashion, the first thing he did when he switched off his alarm was open Tik Tok.
The first fucking thing he saw–
Not even a healthy couple scrolls in–
Was him.
And Gon.
And mistletoe.
And Gon kissing HIM under the mistletoe–
You best believe that Killua was awake the second he saw that shit.
The first time he watched the video he was locked in a state of shock. He may as well have had a fucking seizure, for the way he shot up in bed. His six throw blankets flew so fast across the room that they could have inflicted blunt force trauma.
It was only the second time he watched the video that he fully processed and remembered the reason this was to be his death day.
The video cut in when Gon said "Are you ready?" with that stupid grin plastered all over his face. Killua watched with the intensity of a strangled beast as Gon cupped his face, leaned forward, and planted a dramatic kiss square on his mouth… all with the "Hurricane Katrina" audio bass boosted to all hell in the background.
Not to mention that the damn thing had 500k likes. Over. Night.
Killua's stomach squirmed in horror (Gay Panic ™ ) as he recalled his second kiss with Gon. The way his heart just about stopped in his chest. The gymnastics performance in his stomach. The way Gon had been SOBER. But more than anything, the heat that stirred to life in his chest, placing itself right beneath his breastbone.
It was still there, and watching this stupid fucking video over and over was only serving to stoke the flames.
The video cut off a couple seconds into the kiss, when Palm had started jumping around like a psycho and the video got too blurry to decipher. What the video hadn't shown was the way Gon tilted his head right before he broke the kiss. And the way he'd leaned back a fraction of an inch to give Killua that stupid lopsided smirk–
Killua screamed into his pillow, far too embarrassed to relive the rest of that stupid night. Gon had just moved on after that! Like nothing had happened at all! He'd said his goodbyes, driven Killua home, and dropped him off at his apartment like nothing was amiss! Like he hadn't kissed him literally five minutes beforehand!
Killua's phone buzzed with a Snap notification from the bastard himself. The silver haired boy glared at the notification. He'd changed Gon's name is his contacts to "Cock Blocking Sonuvabitch."
He begrudgingly opened the Snap, and his jaw dropped in horror when he found a picture of Gon all peachy, winking into the camera, with "I'm a good kisser, huh?" typed across the screen.
Killua narrowly prevented himself from chucking his phone into the wall. He took a blurry picture of himself glaring into the camera, and responded with an eloquent "SHUT THE FUCK UP"
With that, Killua shut his phone off and buried his face in his hands. His face, that was doing its best impression of a Milo's Sweet Tea bottle cap. It was official. He was hopeless. And you know what the worst part of it was? Killua didn't even know if Gon was gay or not!
"I can never see him again," Killua whimpered, "I'll literally die."
Killua's phone exploded with an overwhelming amount of notifications.
Chrollo: BRO YOU GAY AFFFFF
REDHEAD BESTIE: my guy ur Tik Tok famous!
Mamapika: Shoot called out due to an anxiety attack again.. Would you like to come in and cover his shift today?
Shoot: Please cover me
Leorio: we neeeddddd youuuuuuuuuuuuu
Cock Blocking Sonuvabitch: do you work today? I drive you!
Alluka: BROTHER
Alluka: YOU AND GON
Alluka: GON KISSED YOU HOLY FUCKING–
Stupid Hoe: :p
Killua's eyebrow twitched. He opened the work group chat so hard that his screen protector earned a new hairline fracture.
- cOfFeE fLaVoReD LuBe -
Chrollo: Killua
Leorio: WE NEED YOU
Stupid Hoe: :p
REDHEAD BESTIE: HAS GON SEEN THE TIK TOK YET?!
Mamapika: I'm sending it to him as we speak.
Killua: DO NOT DO THAT
Killua: STOP
Killua: I WILL FILL YOUR SINUSES WITH URINE
Chrollo: oh heyyyyyyyyyy, bestie boo!
Killua: whazgood, spinach dipped broham
Killua: KURAPIKA I WILL EAT YOUR FIRST BORN CHILD
REDHEAD BESTIE: *slaps ass*
Chrollo: *moans*
Leorio: *literally barfs*
Zepile: Killua, can you cover Shoot's shift today?
Shoot: please
Killua: suffer in hell, bitch
Killua: KURAPIKA KURTA YOUR TOES SHALL BE HARVESTED
Killua: DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE
Zepile: Is that a no? In addition, I ask that you refrain from swearing while on this group chat.
Leorio: KILLUA YOU MUST COME IN TODAY I'LL BE LONELYYYYYY
Meleoron: what the actual fuck it's literally seven am
Meleoron: why are you people awake
Stupid Hoe: :p
Killua: …
Killua: PALM SIBERIA
Stupid Hoe: that's my name, don't wear it out ✨
REDHEAD BESTIE: period
Killua: I'M GOING TO FUCKING MURDER YOU
Stupid Hoe: too bad ur too chicken to come into work today
Killua: Name a time and place. I'll be there.
Supid Hoe: don't bring a cock to a bitch fight
Leorio: what does that even mean
Zepile: Killua Zoldyck if you fight our female coworker in the parking lot again I will legitimately fire you.
Chrollo: oooooo
REDHEAD BESTIE: OOOOOOO
Leorio: oooOooOoOoOo
Stupid Hoe: B)
Killua: THAT'S FUCKING SEXIST–
Killua: I'M A BITCH, I CAN SLAP A BITCH
Zepile: Do not fist fight in my parking lot.
Chrollo: …
Chrollo: damn, sis pulled out the Manager Voice ™
Killua: …
Killua: …fine. the hoe lives another day.
Stupid Hoe: *middle finger*
Mamapika: Gon is typing.
Killua: KURAPIKA WHAT THE FUCK–
A notification from "Cock Blocking Sonuvabitch" popped up on Killua's screen. He switched over to the private chat with Gon.
Cock Blocking Sonuvabitch: Lua we're on Tik Tok!
Killua: …
Cock Blocking Sonuvabitch: THERE'S 750K LIKES
Killua: …
Cock Blocking Sonuvabitch: people are calling our ship name Killugon
Killua left the chat. How has the video gotten 250k likes in under an hour?!
- cOfFeE fLaVoReD LuBe -
Killua: KURAPIKA
Stupid Hoe: *_*
REDHEAD BESTIE: *_*
Mamapika: So, what did Gon say?
Killua: I HATE YOU
Leorio: those are very strong words, young man
Killua: SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU GODDAMN FROSTINGLESS OREO COOKIE DIPPED IN SPRITE
Chrollo: that's going on my quote list
Leorio: hey now!
Leorio: i'm your fuckign manager!
Killua: my manager who can't spell fuck like the thirty year old virgin he is
Leorio: I AM NOT A VIRGIN
Killua: yeah, i'm sure Zepile knows all about that
Zepile: KILLUA, THIS IS A PROFESSIONAL GROUP CHAT
Shoot: so are you not covering my shit?
Shoot: *SHIFT
Shoot: I MEANT TO SAY SHIFTOIHWOIJFGOINEVLWGELF
Killua exited the chat when Alluka sent her fiftieth message.
Cock Blocking Sonuvabitch: …Killua?
Alluka: BROTHERRRRRRRRR
Killua: what is it, sorry i was sleeping
Alluka: YOU LIAR, YOU LEFT ME ON READ HALF AND HOUR AGO
Killua: why are you texting me so much? it's so early
Alluka: I see what you're doing here.
Killua: ?
Alluka: sent a screenshot
Killua: OH MY GOD–
Killua startled so violently that he dropped his phone into his lap when Alluka sent a zoomed in screenshot of Gon kissing Killua.
Killua: DELETE THAT IMMEDIATELY
Alluka: You made out with Gon and didn't tell me?!
Killua: I DID NOT MAKE OUT WITH GON
Alluka: ARE YOU AND GON DATING TELL ME RIGHT NOW
Killua: we're not dating, god! stop thinking that! we're not dating and we never will date! do you not see the literal MISTLETOE?! Gon was only kissing me because of the stupid fucking mistletoe! THAT'S THE ONLY REASON
Killua's brows drew together. A lump formed itself in the hollow of his throat. Mistletoe… was the only reason Gon had kissed him. Getting hung up like this was only going to get him burned. Gon didn't see him that way, the guy was probably straight anyways.
Alluka: idk he looked pretty into it to me–
Killua: ALLUKA NO
Alluka: So. Do you have something to tell me?
Alluka: No seriously. All joking aside, I'm your sister! You can tell me anything. I can tell this is bothering you.
Killua: …
Killua: …
Killua: …
Killua: ithinkihaveatinycrushongon
Alluka: YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON GON
Killua: I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Killua: HE IS LITERALLY STRAIGHT
Alluka: What?! There's no way that boy is straight!
Alluka: He kissed you!
Alluka: And have you seen the way he dresses? Gay.
Killua: YOU DON'T KNOW THAT
Killua: and it wouldn't matter anyways, cause i'm NEVER seeing him EVER again
Alluka: What?! Why?! What happened?!
Killua: he kissed me! not drunk this time!
Killua: my heart can't handle this shit, i'll spontaneously combust
Alluka: awwwwww, you're scared cause you have a crushy on Gon~
Killua: that's not what this is!
Killua: i can't see Gon anymore because i'll just keep thinking gay things! we're just friends, i can't ruin our friendship like that
Alluka: How is that ruining your friendship? You can have crushes on your friends. Gon would never end your friendship because of something like that.
Killua: he doesn't even know that i'm gay!
Alluka: Honey, everyone knows that you're gay. It's written all over your face.
Killua: shut up
Alluka: brother… you're a mess
Killua: …i know
Cock Blocking Sonuvabitch: …Killua? Where'd you go?
Alluka: Tell you what, Zushi and I are hanging out this afternoon to bake cookies and watch a movie! You should come! It'll help you calm down and process!
Killua: ew, Zushi? gross, i'll get heterosexual cooties
Alluka: Brother shut your ass up, Zushi is bi and I am literally trans
Killua: you were better as a lesbian…
Alluka: I have five bags of chocolate chips in my kitchen.
Killua: I'll be there in twenty.
Alluka: ?
…
Gon: Alluka, I think Killua's mad at me!
Alluka: Oh? How come?
Gon: He won't respond to me and he left me on read!
Alluka: Did something happen?
Gon: Well I kissed him last night and Palm posted it on Tik Tok
Alluka: you kissed my brother, oh my goodness I DIDN'T KNOW–
Gon: It was a mistletoe kiss, though! I had to!
Alluka: Of course!
Gon: Killua's your brother, what do I do?
Alluka: …I'll tell you what. Killua, Zushi, and I are getting together this afternoon to bake Christmas cookies and watch Home Alone.
Alluka: Do you want to come?