Mistletoe x Madness

by initforthelolz

Tacky Hallmark Christmas Movie AU! Killua's a broke college kid working part time at a coffee joint over winter break. His life quickly dissolves into chaos when a drunk stranger kisses him under the mistletoe at a Christmas party. OR Gon accidentally kisses Killua, and now Killua can't get this random stranger out of his head.

12. To Save Me From Tears

4:07 am

Cock Blocking Sonuvabitch: Are you free at 3 o'clock?

10:49 am

Killua: yup

Killua: i'll see you in the parking lot

Cock Blocking Sonuvabitch: YAY I'M SO EXCITED

1:26 pm

cOfFeE fLaVoReD LuBe

Killua: ayo i'm calling out

Leorio: WHAT?! WHY?! YOU CAN'T

Mamapika: This group chat is not to be used to call out. You must call the store, use your words, give at least twenty-four hours notice, and find someone to cover your shift.

Killua: oh no my finger is straying towards the power button–

Leorio: KILLUA ZOLDYCK YOU ARE BREAKING THE RULES

Shoot: If you're calling out then who's going to close with me?! Omg I'm gonna diefhiowefkjwoecikjle

Shoot: Kurapika I'm calling out too–

Mamapika: No.

Chrollo: why you calling out, bestie?

Killua: something came up

Zepile: What's happened? Are you alright?

Leorio: DID ALLUKA DIE

Killua: the fuck? no, stupid old man, Alluka didn't die!

Leorio: I AM NOT OLD

Zepile: Did you get sick? I heard about that new COVID mutation.

Leorio: DID YOU HAVE KIDNEY FAILURE?! YOU CAN HAVE MINE I HAVE LIKE THREE

Killua: i'm not sick

Killua: i'm not weak like the rest of you mortals

Killua: and my kidneys didn't fail

Killua: Leorio you only have two kidneys, dumbass

Mamapika: Did your apartment set on fire? I told you not to bake anything without my supervision.

Killua: why are you guys freaking out?! i'm literally just calling out it's not like the world is fucking ending

REDHEAD BESTIE: but you NEVER call out!

Chrollo: yeah bestie what about that good cash money?!

Stupid Hoe: the last time you called out a moth had flown into your apartment and you were paralyzed with fear

Leorio: PFFTT–

Killua: WE DO NOT SPEAK OF THAT

Stupid Hoe: lmao

Meleoron: killboy what HAPPENED

Killua: i have plans is all

Mamapika: Are you committing arson? I will not hesitate to turn you into the police.

Killua: no, god!

Killua: i'm just going with someone to a place!

Chrollo: ARE YOU GOING ON A DATE

Leorio: OH MY GOD

Leorio: IT'S HAPPENING

REDHEAD BESTIE: WHO IS IT IS HE HOT

Stupid Hoe: it's Gon, isn't it?

Killua: IT IS NOT A DATE AND IT IS NOT GON

Chrollo: it's Gon

REDHEAD BESTIE: it's Gon

Mamapika: It's Gon.

Meleoron: it's Gon

Leorio: it's Gon

Stupid Hoe: it's Gon

Zepile: it's Gon

Killua: OKAY FINE IT'S GON

REDHEAD BESTIE: I FUCKING KNEW IT

Chrollo: GHFIOWEFJWEOCJWLEKGJOEWIGNWEOIVJEWO

Stupid Hoe: called that shit

Shoot: who's Gon?

REDHEAD BESTIE: oh do i have some TEA for you–

Killua: STOP IT

Stupid Hoe: Gon is the snacc Killua kissed on Tik Tok

Shoot: Killua kissed a guy and it's on Tik Tok? WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN

Chrollo: literally yesterday?

REDHEAD BESTIE: it was like a week ago my guy

Chrollo: oh my b

Mamapika: Three days. It was three days, boys.

Chrollo: thanks mom

REDHEAD BESTIE: ^

Stupid Hoe: Zol-dicks why didn't you tell us you and Gon were a thing?

Killua: WE ARE NOT A THING

Killua: IF YOU JINX THIS I'LL MURDER YOU

Killua: DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME

Chrollo: oop

Chrollo: what are we jinxing?

Mamapika: Do tell.

Leorio: OH MY GOD HE'S IN LOVE

Killua: …

REDHEAD BESTIE: AHHHHHHHHH

Leorio: HOLLY FUCKIGN SHITT

Chrollo: SDFVBNHREWGASDFNGRJY

Stupid Hoe: that's gay.

Killua: everybody shut up!

REDHEAD BESTIE: KILLUA TELL ME UR NOT JOKING RN

Killua: okay so

Meleoron: *tea*

Mamapika: *tea*

Leorio: *tea*

Chrollo: *tea*

REDHEAD BESTIE: *tea*

Stupid Hoe: *tea*

Zepile: *tea*

Killua: Me and Gon are friends, right?

Chrollo: right

REDHEAD BESTIE: totally friends

Stupid Hoe: and they were roommates

Leorio: ROOMMATES SHE SAID

Killua: shut up it's story time!

Killua: well Gon is super hot and stuff and we keep ending up under mistletoe together

Killua: and he keeps kissing me and shit

Killua: he's really amazing and nice and stuff and i kinda accidentally fell in love with him

Killua: then yesterday we made out on Alluka's bathroom counter

Leorio: WHAT

Chrollo: YOU DID NOT

REDHEAD BESTIE: KILLUA

Stupid Hoe: that's gay.

Killua: it was really crazy but it was only because Alluka put a mistletoe in the fucking bathroom cause she hates me

Chrollo: just what type of make-out we talkin here?!

Killua: we were both naked

Chrollo: HOLY

Leorio: THERE IS NOTHING HOLY ABOUT THIS

Stupid Hoe: *nose bleeds*

Shoot: I am uncomfortable

REDHEAD BESTIE: KILLUA LITERALLY WHAT

Chrollo: so…

Chrollo: the like

Chrollo: ...ya know

Killua: eight inches hard

Chrollo: OH MY GOD

Stupid Hoe: are you sure?!

Killua: yes.

Mamapika: I do not appreciate the image you just put in my head.

Zepile: The work force did not need to know that.

Leorio: YOU'RE LYING

REDHEAD BESTIE: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GUYS GOING TO DO TODAY

Killua: NOTHING

Killua: unfortunately

Killua: Gon is only kissing me because of mistletoes that are chasing us everywhere. we're just friends but i think there's something more there

Stupid Hoe: you THINK?!

Chrollo: bro wants you!

Killua: i don't know that for sure! i think he might like me but i don't know!

Killua: the problem is that he's only acting all romantic and stuff when there's a mistletoe involved, and i don't know if he likes me or if it's cause cause he's a Christmas fanatic

Mamapika: Child do you hear yourself rn.

Killua: Gon is fucking weird, okay?! He followed me into the shower because he "wanted to talk to me face to face"

Killua: he's exactly the type to do weird shit like that on a whim!

REDHEAD BESTIE: yeah… ig that makes since

Chrollo: so it's a mixed signals situation?

Killua: yeah

Killua: but i've been getting a vibe lately

REDHEAD BESTIE: a VIBE?!

Chrollo: oh my god spill!

Killua: i THINK Gon might have feelings for me, but i'm not totally sure!

Killua: which is why i'm going to get him to kiss me without a mistletoe there while we're hanging out this afternoon

Mamapika: Or you could just confess to him.

Zepile: Yeah ?

Leorio: Just tell him how you feel

Killua: ARE YOU CRAZY

Stupid Hoe: he can't do that!

Chrollo: that's insane!

REDHEAD BESTIE: that's WAY too forward!

Shoot: yeah i would die

Mamapika: *fat eye roll*

Leorio: bruh

Zepile: This generation.

Meleoron: lmao

…

It was 2:48 and Killua was standing at his bathroom counter obsessing. He had to look absolutely perfect! He'd woken up that morning with his heart already pounding in his chest. Every nerve ending in his body was still sparking with electricity from the sensation of Gon's chest against his back, Gon's nose buried in his hair, Gon's lips just barely grazing his.

Killua's entire being was infested with Gon Fever, and you know what? He'd never felt so light in his life. His stomach was twisting itself into knots and his hands were shaking with anxiety, but he kept smiling to himself and randomly giggling under his breath.

He was going to see Gon today!

Fuck, Killua was down so bad. He saw Gon every day, but this time it was just better. Now the champagne bubbles in his belly had evolved into the warm pulse of young love. Gon had been living in his head rent free ever since he'd kissed him that night, and now he had Killua head over heels.

He'd always assumed that being in love would be heavy and troublesome like in all those books and movies. But it wasn't! Gon made Killua so happy, and now he was about to go see him again! And better than that, he was going to get Gon to kiss him without the mistletoe! He was sure of it!

Killua melted inside as he replayed Gon's fumbled words outside the boutique. "Uh… I, uh, wanted to ask… if you wanted to go– out with me to… to the store? Tomorrow? To buy Christmas ornaments for my tree? For errands and stuff?" He'd looked so nervous and uncertain and so fucking adorable just standing out there in the snow. He hadn't been able to hold Killua's gaze, those pretty amber eyes had kept slipping down to his feet.

The silver haired boy squealed to himself, he felt like such a fool but he didn't have a care in the world.

Killua's heart buzzed in his chest as he smeared a bit of pink highlighter across the tips of his cheekbones with his fingers. He enjoyed getting dressed and looking nice, but something about getting ready for Gon made it so much better.

He'd pulled out the flat iron for this shit! His hair looked absolutely perfect, if Killua says so himself. He'd stood hunched over the counter for forty-five minutes going through his entire head of hair and perfecting each and every fluffy wave. His hair looked like a bed of silken feathers, and the floral scent of his hairspray wafted whenever he turned his chin.

It had taken two entire hours to settle on the perfect outfit, and Killua's closet was in a state of disaster. He'd pulled his favorite argyle sweater over a collared shirt. Then there were the vintage jeans that the Thrift Store Gods had bestowed upon him, and of course a pair of sensible loafers. Because no slay was complete without leather shoes. The ensemble had felt a little plain so he'd added like three belts. Just for good measure.

Alluka's good luck earring was pulled through Killua's left lobe. She'd found it in a Taco Bell parking lot and given it to Killua. He'd pierced his ear with a needle that day for the occasion. It was a silver lightning bolt, and it was obviously enchanted with demonic power.

Killua fuffed his bangs up one last time, and then drew a healthy line of highlighter down the bridge of his nose so that it was blinding. He took a deep breath, adjusted his collar, and headed for the door. He grabbed his jacket on the way out (it was cold as fucking shit outside) and decended to the parking lot.

His phone buzzed with a text from Gon, announcing that he had arrived. A grin slid across Killua's face, and he jogged down the stairs and out into the cold. He burst out the door and found Gon waiting on Tsubone the Motorcycle.

"Gon!" Killua called out, unable to contain himself. He ran up to the raven, grinning like a fool and waving with his phone in hand.

Amber eyes sparkled with excitement, and that familiar smile broke across Gon's face like the rising of the run. "Killua!" he cheered, throwing his arm in the air and waving it back and forth.

Killua's heart spasmed. He couldn't help himself. He marched right up to Gon and greeted him with an enthusiastic hug. The raven startled at Killua's sudden burst of affection, his weight moving from one leg to the other and tipping the motorcycle in the other direction. He sat frozen for a moment before wrapping his arm around Killua's shoulders and giving him a tight squeeze.

Killua breathed in against Gon's chest, drowning in the scent of gasoline that clung to his clothes and the faint trace of cigarette smoke. He stunk like the dense Yorknew City air, but the warm smell of charcoal and rain against autumn leaves that lie underneath was so distinctly Gon that Killua couldn't help but melt a little.

"Hi," Killua breathed, pushing back to look Gon in the eye. He could feel the flush in his cheeks, but he didn't give two shits. He'd been daydreaming about seeing Gon's dazzling amber eyes again ever since they'd parted ways last night. Now he wanted to stand here and gaze into Gon's eyes forever.

"Hi," Gon repeated. His face was so fucking cute, Killua was going to scream. He looked so surprised, but his face was glowing with this happy light and god, that smile was going to be Killua's demise.

I fucking love you.

"You're friendly today," Gon teased, swiftly flicking Killua on the nose.

The silver haired boy giggled and flicked him right back, before snatching the spare helmet from his lap and swinging up onto the motorcycle behind him. "Maybe Mercury is in retrograde?"

Gon cracked a laugh, "The only reasonable explanation for you acting civil."

"So where are we going?" Killua asked, shoving the helmet over his hair.

"It's a surprise~" Gon declared, flicking the kickstand and pushing off. Tsubone the Motorcycle growled and sped off down the street. Gon slipped into traffic in his usual reckless fashion, earning sudden breaks and angry honking from the surrounding cars. A taxi driver flipped Gon off when he drove down the double yellows to pass him. Gon gave him an overzealous wave.

"A surprise? You're not kidnapping me, are you?" Killua teased. He leaned with Gon as they took a hard right at forty. Tsubone's tires screeched and fellow drivers slowed down in horror. Killua didn't know who had decided that Gon was eligible for a cycler's license, but they had clearly made a grave mistake.

"I would never!" Gon declared dramatically. "If I don't keep things interesting then you'll get bored of me!" he joked, yelling over the noise of Tsubone's engine and the whizzing of nearby cars. Killua clung to Gon for dear life as they merged onto the interstate. If riding behind Gon on a motorcycle through stop and go traffic was terrifying, then being on the interstate could have qualified as the tenth ring of hell.

But Killua didn't mind the mortal fear, oddly enough. He snorted at Gon's remark and pressed himself flush against the raven's back, resting his chin on his shoulder and tightening his arms around his chest.

"I could never get bored of you," he found himself murmuring. His words were carried off on the wind, but he couldn't help but feel that Gon had heard them, or at least felt the sentiment. He leaned a little into Killua's chest, and revved the motorcycle to speed over into the fast lane.

Killua leaned against Gon and enjoyed the ride. The wind was wild as it ripped at his clothes. Little licks of frigid air would slip up under the chin of his helmet every once in a while, stirring the hair on the nape of his neck and setting a flush to his cheeks. But Gon's body was warm, and the pump of adrenaline in his veins kept a grin on his face and a warmth buzzing in his chest.

…

"Holy shit you're bringing me to Target?!" Killua screamed.

"Yeah?" Gon laughed nervously as he pulled into a parking spot. "Are you excited or disappointed or?"

"Of course I'm fucking excited!" Killua exclaimed, grinning like a fool and shaking Gon back and forth. "Target is fucking amazing!"

Gon threw his head back and laughed. He killed the engine and stuffed his keys into his pocket while setting the kickstand. "I've never seen you so happy before!"

"Nothing makes me happier than concentrated capitalism!" Killua ranted as he all but dragged Gon through the parking lot. "You can get literally everything here! They have clothes and cereal and wine and books and entire fucking flat screen TVs – it's paradise!"

"So does Walmart?"

"Fuck Walmart!" Killua yelled, earning several startled glances from bystanders. "Walmart can die in a hole!"

Gon laughed, "But Walmart has taxidermied animals and guns!"

"And that is exactly why Target is better," Killua argued. "Besides, the logo is sexier."

"I guess you're right," Gon agreed.

"Please, I'm always right." Killua gave the giant red cement sphere a healthy slap as they approached the automatic doors to housewife heaven. "Come, Gon, hone your inner fem spirit!" He marched right through the doors with Gon in tow. Killua took a nice, refreshing breath as they passed through the aggressive air conditioning right on the threshold of the store.

The entrance brought them right between the bathrooms and Bullseye's Playground, the doors bordered with hulking rows of shopping carts and empty hand sanitizer dispensers. Killua sighed in pure joy as he gazed out across the landscape of his dreams. Right ahead was the ever-persistent women's bathing suit corner and a section dedicated to Yorknew University merch.

"I need you to hold onto this for me," Killua said, his words forlorn and dripping with grief as he pushed his wallet into Gon's chest.

"Hm?" Gon perked up, confusedly catching the thrifted Kate Spade. "Why?"

"Because I need you to prevent me from spending money on shit that I don't need," he sighed in defeat. Killua dragged his feet dejectedly over to grab a cart. His shopping addiction was whimpering in its cage.

Gon trailed after him, laughing out loud as he slipped Killua's wallet into his back pocket. "I can do that for you," he snorted. "Consider your money confiscated!"

"You hold my finances in your hands," Killua threatened as he extracted a cart.

"You can count on me!" Gon chirped.

"I'll hold you to that," Killua teased. He pulled the cart out of the row, right before hopping on in and crossing his legs sassily over the edge. "Now hurry to the Christmas section! If I see even one article of clothing then I'll be sucked in with no hope of escape."

Gon giggled and stepped behind the cart, "I'll defend your wallet, Killua!" He took off with a skip in his step, pushing Killua and the cart through the store and occasionally hopping up onto the rack to coast. Gon stayed true to his word, and all but sprinted down the main drag.

They passed the women's clothing section (Killua's temptation), the racks of shoes, the men's clothing section, and turned left at the baby-care aisle to make their way to the holiday decor.

"What type of budget are we talkin?" Killua asked. Gon pushed him past the electronics section and turned into the maze of Christmas hell. Usually Killua would be violently projectile vomiting right now, but he was doing two of his favorite things: shopping, and hanging out with Gon. Those two managed to cancel out the whole Christmas thing, but only barely.

"Hm, I don't think I need one," Gon mused. "I mean, we're not spending more than, like, two hundred, are we?"

"What the hell!" Killua complained. "Are you flaunting your financial stability in my face?!"

"What? No! Of course not!" Gon protested.

"You casually have two hundred fucking dollars lying around for you to spend?" Killua whined. "I have like fourteen bucks to my name!"

"I just have a lot of extra cash at the moment," Gon said awkwardly.

"Don't you have to pay for food?!"

"Yeah, but my budget has enough wiggle room for–"

"-I call bullshit! How can you afford food and expensive Christmas crap at the same time?! What the hell kind of job do you work?! What are you paid, fifty dollars an hour?!"

"It's nothing like that," Gon chuckled. "My job isn't that crazy or anything."

"Oh really? Not crazy, yet you're drowning in more money than you know what to do with? I think you need to hook me up," Killua declared, though he wasn't serious. Beanz was his forte, and training to work at a new place - even if it did pay a shit ton - would be way too much of a hassle.

Gon chuckled awkwardly, "No way, I couldn't do something like that."

"Difficult boss?" Killua snorted.

"You could say that."

"Ooh, cryptic," the silver haired boy teased. Gon was always so closed off about his job. What could he possibly be? A campus tour guide? A cam-boy? Killua snorted, yeah right.

Gon laughed him off as usual, but Killua didn't mind. If he didn't wanna talk about it then he didn't have to talk about it. But still, Killua would drag the information out of him yet!

"Alright," Killua sighed, reluctantly dragging himself out of the shopping cart. "Since you won't tell me what our budget is–"

"-I already told you it's not like that!" Gon whined.

Killua giggled. "Can you at least tell me what's on the shopping list?"

"Well," Gon tapped his chin. "We need ornaments for Zushi and I's tree. We've been too busy to get anything but a tree!"

"You've got a naked pine sitting in the middle of your living room?"

"Yup."

"Hot."

Gon laughed, "But I also wanted to get some other stuff too! We'll need lights to go on the tree, but I also wanna get some for our front door. Maybe put some on the windowsills."

"That's extra," Killua grunted.

"Also garland!" Gon chirped, ignoring Killua's Christmas-kill attitude. "And I wanna find a wreath for the door! We'll also need a tree topper, and a tree skirt, and stuff to put on the mantle and of my GOSH I'm so excited!"

"Can't relate," Killua yawned. Standing in the Christmas aisle was starting to permeate his sanity.

"Hey, you're the one who agreed to come with me," Gon accused, puffing out his cheeks.

"I never agreed. You kidnapped me, remember?"

"No I did not!"

Killua laughed and bumped Gon with his shoulder. "I'm just messing with you! God, you're so gullible. It's cute."

Gon blinked several times in quick procession, his cheeks gaining color. Killua gazed up at him, trying to stifle his giggling. Yeah, that's right. I called you cute. I know you like me, asshole.

"Uh– I am not gullible!" Gon saved, but just barely.

"Yeah, sure," Killua drawled. "...That's a weird place to put a piano."

"Huh? Where?" Gon whipped his head back and forth, searching for the stray piano.

Killua was losing his shit.

"You– you did that on purpose!" Gon gasped in horror.

"Oh, did I?" the silver haired troublemaker choked out. He was bent over at the waist, Gon was too much!

The raven sighed, and lifted Killua back up by the hood of his jacket. "Okay. You've had your fun. We have shopping to do!"

"Okay, okay," Killua sighed, contentedly falling in line next to Gon as he slowly pushed the cart down the Christmas aisle. "I'm the last guy you want helping you pick out Christmas shit, but what did you have in mind?"

"I don't think you're the last person," Gon chirped. His eyes moved along shelves upon shelves of Christmas nightmares. There were large sets of fragile glass ornaments, the kinds that cats would knock off trees and shatter. Then there were smaller, statement ornaments made of tacky porcelain. The shelves were an atrocious red, though Killua could brush the color off as Target's signature shade.

"Besides!" Gon continued, "If anything's bound to re-spark your Christmas spirit then it's decorating!"

"A likely assumption," Killua drawled sarcastically. "So what type of ornaments should we get?"

"Uh… green ones?"

Shopping with Gon was chaotic, as expected. He was wildly indecisive, which meant that Killua was chiefly in charge of picking things out. When Gon decided to get both tree skirts because he was incapable of choosing which one, Killua had rejected both of them and picked a plain burlap one, just to spite him.

They'd argued about which lights to get for fifteen minutes on end. Killua won the dispute with his feminine charms (he threatened to fight Gon in the parking lot if he picked the colored lights over the white ones). Hey, if Killua was going to be roped into decorating for Christmas than he was going to make sure that it looked fucking perfect! Especially since it was Gon he was helping…

Picking out garland had been easy, there had been the most well-stocked selection thus far! However, picking out wrapping paper had felt like digging through the remnants of an apocalyptic wasteland. All the nice papers had been ripped or dented, leaving only tacky penguin print and off colored plaid.

Gon had gotten sidetracked in the home-decor aisle, and picked out a mini-Christmas tree.

"The fuck do you need that for?" Killua asked, fishing around in Gon's jacket pockets to see if he had any gum.

"It's cute!" Gon chirped. He held the tree up to Killua for display, it was made of plasticy-metal and painted a dull gold.

"But don't you already have a tree? Where could that possibly be going? It's eighteen entire dollars! That's outrageous!"

"Seventeen ninety-nine," Gon corrected.

"Same damn thing," Killua sighed, "Put it back."

"No, It's cute so I'm getting it!" Gon huffed. He swiftly ducked around Killua, slipping the tiny tree into the cart before he could stop him.

"Fine, it's your money we're wasting, I guess," Killua retorted. "If you're going to drag me along on side quests then I think you're obligated to bring me to Starbucks after this," Killua teased, finding an opening and immediately taking it.

"Okay!" Gon agreed without hesitation. "There's even one in here, let's hurry and check out so we can go!"

"Y-yeah," Killua agreed, startled by Gon's enthusiasm.

I did it, I turned shopping into an actual date!

Does Gon see what I'm trying to do here? I hope he does. I'll get him to kiss me, and that's that!

Killua spent the remainder of their Christmas ornament shopping being as flirtatious as he possibly could. He teased Gon about every little thing, stood close enough for their hips to brush at all times, and even propped his chin up on Gon's shoulder whenever he was taking too damn long to make a decision.

It made Killua's heart race. He wasn't one to be so forward like this, but something about seeing the color dusting Gon's cheeks whenever he leaned close or booped his nose made him want to stop hiding his feelings.

Killua had never liked someone like this before. He'd had passing crushes, of course, but he'd always been able to ignore those people's existence until the butterflies went away. He'd tried to do the same with Gon, but the guy just kept worming his way further and further into Killua's heart.

I feel like I'm gonna burst every time I so much as look at him, Killua thought to himself as he stood in the Starbucks line with Gon. He stood close, using the menu as an excuse to lean against the raven's side. I'd been completely dedicated to staying single my whole life, and perfectly fine with that lifestyle. But now I'm in love with Gon, and I can't imagine going back to the way I was before I met him.

"Hello!" chirped the barista as Gon and Killua finally made it to the front of the line. For a tiny Starbucks hiding at the edge of the fresh produce, Target's coffee shop was impressively crowded. Killua worked at a coffee shop, so he had to know. "What can I get for you today?"

"I have no idea," Gon deadpanned, still staring up at the menu.

Killua sighed and shook his head. "He's hopeless," the silver haired boy explained to the barista.

She chuckled, "That's alright, take your time!"

She's better at customer service than I am, and she works at a shitty little Starbucks in the middle of Super Target!

Killua's face was lit up in a contented smile, it'd been that way since the moment he'd seen Gon waiting for him in the parking lot. He leaned lazily against the raven's shoulder, taking extra time to order to be sure that Gon didn't look too horribly stupid in comparison.

But he didn't wait too long. They were holding up the line, and Killua's sweet tooth was stirring impatiently. He ordered a vanilla frap with a shit ton of chocolate toppings added into the mix. Now it was all up to Gon.

"Which one do I choose," the raven mumbled under his breath. He was staring at the menu with his brows furrowed. Come on, it wasn't rocket science! Killua playfully bumped their shoulders together.

"Just pick something," he snorted.

"But I can't!" Gon whined.

"Then I'll order for you," Killua announced. Gon tried to stop him, but Killua was too fast. "He wants a mocha cookie crumble frappuccino with two extra shots of espresso and no whip."

"Gotcha," the barista laughed.

Gon gawked at Killua, "How did you know?!"

"What you were going to pick? That's because I'm smarter than you."

"No, about the extra shots and no whipped cream!" Gon explained, still looking at Killua like he'd just cured cancer.

Killua felt his cheeks tint a little pink. His smile turned soft. He couldn't quite meet Gon's gaze. "It's what you got at Beanz, right?"

Gon blinked. "You remembered?" he asked, his voice higher than usual and sounding touched.

"Well yeah," Killua mumbled, starting to get embarrassed. He reached his hand into Gon's back pocket to swipe his wallet back. The raven shivered a little when Killua's fingers brushed his ass through the faded denim. Something about reaching into Gon's back pocket felt intimate, but Killua somehow managed to prevent himself from acting a fool, brushing, or Gay Panicking!

He took advantage of Gon's sudden stupor to whip out his debit card.

"Wait," Gon said, shaking himself out of what Killua had deemed a Gay Panic. A smirk pulled at his lips, he was incredibly proud of himself. "Are you paying?" Gon asked.

"No, I'm just taking my card out so I can hold it in my hand," Killua teased.

"That's good because I'm paying for you!" Gon declared, swiftly whipping out his own wallet - which was camouflaged in green (horribly redneck but so painfully Gon). He slipped out his own card in an attempt to beat Killua to the barista.

Killua narrowed his eyes at him, "What are you trying to pull here, Gon."

"I'm paying for my friend's coffee because he helped me pick out Christmas ornaments," Gon responded, matching Killua's challenging glance with a steely look of his own.

The two of them stood with their cards in hand, glaring at each other. Killua swore that fire jumped between the two of them.

The woman behind them in line sighed very loudly and very passive aggressively.

Killua whipped around to show a Karen why you didn't mess with a gay, but Gon took the opportunity to hand his card to the barista. She held her hand out, bemused. Unfortunately for Gon, Killua couldn't be defeated so easily! Honing his lightning fast reflexes, Killua turned his back on the Karen - she was lucky to have escaped with her life - and grabbed Gon's wrist a split second before the card could be handed over.

Gon glanced down at Killua, his eyes narrowing into a hint of a glare. He tried Killua's grip, but his hand did not budge. The silver haired boy glared right back at him. If he thought he was going to be paying then he had another thing coming!

"Killua, let me pay for your coffee," Gon said, his voice tense and emotionless.

"No," Killua challenged.

Tension snapped between them like a wire, though it was not sexual, much to Killua's disappointment. A fight was brewing, but there was no way in hell either of them were going to back down.

The barista's gaze flicked between the two of them. It was clear that this would not be settled any time soon. Intervention was obviously necessary. "How about this," she suggested, sounding very amused. "I can split the check and you can pay for each other's coffee. That way everybody wins."

Gon and Killua blinked, the dark aura surrounding them flicking off like the snap of a finger.

"That's good!" they said in unison, happily turning to the barista and handing both their cards over. She laughed and resumed her work.

…

Killua sat splayed across his chair, leaning it on its back legs as he watched Gon sift through his various plastic bags of Christmas shit. They were sitting in the back corner of the mini Starbucks, boxed in by the structure enclosing the bathrooms and bordered by the frosted glass window.

The shadows of cars and people could be seen through the cream colored haze, and the glass was cold to the touch thanks to the weather. Christmas was coming within a matter of days, and it could be felt like smoke in the air.

You could sense the collective excitement. Kids were more hyper, parents more stressed, and out-of-town relatives bickered over directions in the streets. Yorknew City was always a Christmas destination, making the holiday all the more looming. It was always a hindrance to Killua's peaceful life, but this year - oddly enough - he hadn't really noticed.

He had noticed, of course. He always noticed the doomsday countdown that was the Christmas season. The difference was that, this year anyway, Killua didn't feel as pissed off. He didn't feel as bitter seeing the lights and hearing the music and watching all the bullshit go down. Usually Christmas was something he had to force himself to endure, but this year Killua almost didn't mind it.

It still annoyed him out of his mind, of course, but he didn't hate existence. That was largely due to the boy sitting across from him. Hell, it was entirely due to the boy sitting across from him.

Gon had told Killua that he was going to save his Christmas spirit; kill his hatred for the holiday all together and convert him to his yuletide ways. Killua had told him from the very beginning that it was a lost cause. Maybe Killua hadn't despised Christmas when he'd been a little kid, but now that he was nineteen nothing would change his standing on this terrible time of year.

However, it seemed that Gon's efforts wouldn't be for naught. Killua would always hate Christmas, but having Gon hanging around this past Christmas season had made it bearable. More than that, these past few weeks had been the happiest Killua had been his entire life.

Gon would never achieve his goal of reviving Killua's nonexistent Christmas spirit, but in a way he had succeeded. He really had saved Killua's Christmas. He hadn't done so by bringing him out in the snow, playing tacky music, and making him shop for ornaments. He'd done so simply by being at Killua's side. He'd lit up Killua's world and made him feel warmer and happier than he'd ever been in his entire life.

So… Killua didn't hate Christmas this year.

He didn't want to crash his car into the tree in central park, slap spoiled children, or rip garland from store windows. He had Gon with him, and with Gon at his side he could be happy even in the midst of this Christmas hellscape.

"What's wrong, Killua?" Gon asked, looking up from where he'd been opening a set of spherical ornaments and taking a head count.

"Huh? Nothing," Killua said, pulled from his thoughts. He took a sip of his coffee and glanced at the excuse for art that was hanging on the wall.

"You were just staring at my face," Gon snickered. Mischief stirred to life across from the table, and Killua's cheeks began to heat up. He'd been caught red handed.

"I was not!" the silver haired boy lied.

"Someone's hiding something~" Gon teased.

"Liar!" Killua accused.

"What? You're the one who was lying!" Gon cackled.

"Don't be so conceited," Killua argued, even though he knew it was useless. "Not everything is about you ya know. Who says I was staring at you?"

Gon smirked knowingly. "Oh? Who were you staring at, do tell."

"I was staring at…" Killua trailed off and glanced behind Gon to look for a victim. He locked onto a girl their age with curly red hair and a smattering of freckles. "Her," Killua responded, nodding at the girl.

Gon whipped around, disrupting the bags in his lap. Killua blinked, he hadn't expected that reaction. The raven scrutinized the girl, staring her down for a good thirty seconds before turning back around.

His eyes were narrowed with a playful light, but Killua hadn't missed the tension in his shoulders when he'd turned. And he certainly didn't miss the slight shadow over his gaze that he was clearly trying to hide with that pretty smile of his.

"You weren't staring at her, you were definitely staring at me," Gon declared. He sounded almost… petulant?

Killua snickered. "Wow. You're so certain."

Gon's cheeks puffed out.

Oh, Killua was most definitely going to take advantage of this. "Are you jealous that she's prettier than you?" he taunted. "I always had a thing for redheads, you know."

Gon's eyes fluttered, his mouth floundering as he grasped for a comeback.

Killua cackled, this was too easy! If he'd been sure before then now he was certain. Gon definitely liked him! Why else would he get so worked up about Killua allegedly staring at a girl instead of at him?

"You're lying," Gon settled with. He crossed his arms over his chest and smiled to himself in satisfaction. He nodded with his eyes shut, though Killua noted the twitch in his eyebrow.

"Lying? Someone is in denial," Killua snorted. He leaned against his armrest and took a sip of his coffee.

"I'm not in denial," Gon pouted. There it was. He could try to hide his jealousy, but Gon was absolutely terrible at concealing his emotions! "And you were definitely lying."

Killua smirked, "Whatever you say, bro. Do you think she'd say yes if I asked her out? Who am I kidding, of course she would! Ladies love me. Don't you see this handsome face? I bet I can pull her in under five minutes. I'll bet the rest of my coffee on it. What do you think, Gon?"

Okay. Maybe Killua was pushing it, but he couldn't help himself! The furrow that grew in Gon's brow with every word brought Killua the greatest sense of satisfaction that a man could ever know.

Gon took a deep breath. "I'm sure girls are all over you. You're really pretty so it can't be helped." Killua choked on his coffee. Taking compliments was one of his greatest weaknesses. Gon thinks I'm pretty?! "But," the raven continued, "You'd never go for a girl or stare at one for that matter, because you're gay! You liar."

Killua choked for real this time, gagging and hunching over - the whole shabang.

Gon just watched him. Like a damn hawk. Usually he'd be fawning over Killua like a mother hen if he so much as stumbled over a crack in the sidewalk.

The silver haired boy regained control over his body and glanced up at Gon through his bangs. "What?"

"You're gay–"

"-Yeah, I knew that, you idiot!" Killua snapped. Their antics were starting to draw curious stares from the other customers. Killua pinched the bridge of his nose. "I just– how did you know that? I never told you."

Gon blinked. "You have a pride flag on your Beanz apron." He said it as if it was the simplest thing in the world.

Killua just gawked at him. He… noticed that? And remembered?

"Also you're probably the most obviously gay person I've ever met–"

"-You noticed the pin?" Killua interrupted, still hung up over the fact that Gon had taken note of the pride pin on his work uniform the first time they'd met (first time they'd met sober) and remembered it, just some stranger.

"Well, yeah?" Gon responded, fiddling with the handle of a plastic bag. He looked a little awkward, embarrassed even.

Killua sat and processed. The longer he stared at Gon the more embarrassed the guy looked. After a minute of silence his cheeks started to stain pink. Killua's heart leapt in his chest. But then he realized–

"Hold up, did you just say that I'm the gayest person you've ever met?"

The silence broke, and Gon threw his head back in laughter at Killua's sudden reaction.

Killua felt his ears turn red, "Oh shut up!"

"Even if I hadn't seen the pin I would have been able to figure it out pretty easily," Gon laughed, wiping his eyes.

"What? That's ridiculous," Killua argued. "So I'm obviously gay, it's the first thing you notice about me? The defining aspect of my personality?" For some reason he felt annoyed that Gon had figured that out. Gon was a fucking moron, how had he figured out Killua's sexuality before Killua had figured out his?!

"It's nothing like that!" Gon wheezed. He sighed, regaining his composure. He fixed Killua with those brilliant campfire eyes. They had a sparkle set to them, a knowing lilt that made Killua's heart race and stomach flip.

"Anyone could tell by talking to you for a few minutes," Gon explained. "But it's not the defining aspect of your personality or anything like that. You dress pretty gay but clothes don't prove anything at all. I'd take you for straight if I saw you off the street. You've got this gangster feel about you, ya know?"

Killua blinked, his heart fluttering. Gon leaned against his chair, slinging his arm over the back. He looked thoughtful as he spoke, glancing up at the corner of the window, clearly in thought. Killua had never heard Gon talk about him before. This was how Gon saw Killua? Who am I to him?

Killua found himself dying to know.

"You're super standoffish from a distance," Gon mused. "I'd have been scared to talk to you if you hadn't been in customer mode when we first met! On the first glance you look all brooding and, like, mean. Then when you get to talking you've got this bite, so snarky! Your tongue is so fast, anyone could tell how intelligent you are from that alone. Then there's your eyes. It's impossible not to notice them. If girls are all over you, then I bet it's because of your eyes."

"Woah, ur eyes are really pretty."

Killua's heart pounded, remembering Gon's slurred words to him after kissing him drunk.

"They're so… sharp," Gon continued, smiling as he spoke. His eyes were glazed over, clearly lost in thought. He'd never had a filter on his mouth before, but it was obvious that he was spilling his mind without a care. "You look into your eyes and you're like: 'Woah! They're so blue!' They remind me of the ocean, all deep and mysterious. I can never tell what you're thinking. Usually I can read a person by looking into their eyes, but with you I'm at a total loss.

"You hide behind your hair when you don't want people to see you smile, and whenever someone says something funny you snort under your breath to keep your laughter under the radar. You're so secretive, like a locked up book. It's true that anyone could tell that you're gay by talking to you for a little while. It's your attitude and the way you hold yourself. But also it's this sense of confidence.

"The way you hold your shoulders screams that you don't give a shit. Anyone could tell that you're too good to be just another guy. You're different, you can just tell that there's something about you. Then there's the fact that you make offensive jokes about heterosexual people ever other sentence, and the constant sass. That's too much personality to be contained by a straight dude.

"But like I was saying, there's so much more to you than your sexuality. I figured it out pretty quick, and so can everyone else I would imagine. But Killua's personality could never be summed up so quickly."

Gon smiled to himself as he glanced at the frosted window. Killua just sat and gawked at him. He couldn't… breathe. No one had ever… My eyes are like the ocean, and there's something about me that's different from everyone else. I look like a thug in a crowd, but my tongue is sharp and smart once you get up close. That's how Gon sees me.

Too good to be just another guy.

He noticed how I hide my smile and my laugh.

Gon pays that much attention?

Killua hid his eyes behind his bangs. He didn't know how to respond, aside from crying or kissing stupid Gon on his stupid running mouth.

"Oh, I was rambling I guess," Gon laughed, shaking out of whatever trance he'd just been in. "But yeah, I knew you were gay the moment I met you."

Killua shot him a glare. All that and this is the best follow up he can give? "And you didn't think to bring it up. Not one singular time."

"Well I didn't think it really mattered," Gon said, tapping his chin. "You're my best friend, what do I care if you're gay or not? You never brought it up, so I never brought it up."

Killua blinked. I guess… that's one way to look at it. It's reassuring, almost. I know a lot of guys that would not want to be close friends with me if they found out I was gay. Guys are stupid like that, straight guys especially. But Gon never cared. Is it because he's a rare example of a decent dude-bro? Or is it because he's queer and doesn't give a shit because he understands?

Maybe Gon doesn't care about my sexuality, but I sure as hell care about his…

Almost makes me feel guilty.

Killua couldn't deny the pounding in his chest. His stomach was flipping with anxiety. This was his chance. This was the best chance he'd ever get. He had to be certain, he had to know! It was killing him.

"So you knew," Killua said, coming to terms with the fact that Gon had known he was gay the entire fucking time. Yet he still insists on kissing me every single fucking time he sees a mistletoe. Knowing that I'm gay. I can't tell if he's stupid or stupid. He either thinks kissing your friends is something to do for funsies or he's got the gays for me. Either way he's stupid.

"Yup," Gon agreed, hugging his bags against his chest as he took a long drink of his coffee. Killua's chest warmed, he was such a dork.

Did he really dare to ask? Was he seriously going to say something?! I have to. I have to know! Gon has a crush on me, I'm fucking certain of it. Why else would he care so much about me and enjoy kissing me so much?! But still. I have to know. Because if he's straight and this is all in my head… I'd rather figure it out now than the hard way.

"What about you then?" Killua asked.

Gon stiffened. There. Killua had caught him.

If Gon admitted that he was gay as well, then a mutual confession was almost guaranteed. If Gon was gay than there was no way in fucking hell that he'd have been kissing Killua all this time without having feelings for him.

If Gon admitted he was straight… then things would continue on as normal. They'd continue being best friends that happened to make out naked on bathroom counters sometimes, and Killua would die inside knowing that Gon would never love him back.

"I, uh…" Gon trailed off. If he gripped his coffee any tighter than it would spill all over the place. If Killua sat any stiffer than he'd break all his bones from the pressure. The tension was back. Not the angry tension from earlier, but the tension from Alluka's apartment.

The tension when they'd bumped into each other behind the chair.

The tension when Gon had followed Killua into the shower and boxed him against the wall.

"I don't know."

Killua blinked.

Gon was staring into his coffee, his eyebrows drawn together.

"You… don't know," Killua repeated.

The raven nodded.

"So, are you questioning or?"

"I– I guess you could say that," Gon sputtered. His hand found the back of his head. He wasn't looking Killua in the eye.

My heart's beating so fast.

It's not the answer I was looking for, but not the one I was dreading either.

There's still a chance. The situation hasn't changed, but at least he's not unquestionably straight.

Gon looked so tense. He looked like a cornered animal, panicked and unsure.

"That's okay," Killua said after a pause.

Gon perked up.

"To not know, I mean," Killua reiterated. "You don't have to know something like that for sure, so don't get all… weird about it. It's totally normal."

"You mean it?" Gon asked, his words quiet and caught between hope and despair.

"O'course I do," Killua said. He leaned back in his chair, diffusing the tension he'd been contributing to. Gon's clearly troubled by this. I hate to see him upset. I want to make him feel at ease. "It doesn't matter if you figure it out now or in thirty years. It's your identity, it'll come to you eventually."

Gon's face lit up with that infamous smile, it was so bright that Killua had to look away.

"Thank you, Killua!"

"Yeah, whatever," he quickly brushed it off, that smile was too blinding. If he keeps smiling that stupid beautiful smile then I won't be able to stop myself from dragging him across the table and kissing him. Unfortunately I can't make any moves right after a conversation like that. "I hope you know that you're now required to tell me the second you gain even the slightest inkling about you're gayness, you here me?" Killua declared.

Gon laughed, "Why, are you rooting for a certain team?"

Killua managed to avoid having a stroke. "I'm your gay friend," he said, ignoring Gon's suggestive comment. "Now that you've dragged me into this you're not dragging me back out! If my best friend is gay then I will be informed immediately. It's the rules."

Gon giggled. "Yes ma'am," he said with a goofy salute.

"Yes ma'am is right," Killua declared, gayly stirring his coffee with his straw and crossing his legs. Now that Gon knew he was going to be as aggressively homosexual as possible!

The tension left Gon's shoulders, and he went back to counting his ornaments. Conversation officially over. If he doesn't want to talk about it anymore then it's fine. It can be a touchy subject. It means a lot that Gon was willing to tell me. He trusts me, that makes me so happy. I'll prove that I deserve that trust, I'll help him no matter what. I may be a terrible person to go Christmas shopping with, but I'm the best person he can ever find if he needs advice about his sexuality.

Was it possible that Killua loved Gon even more now that he'd opened up like this?

Of course it was.

Though it wasn't just possible, it was exactly what had happened.

Killua was so hopeless.

…

"I can throw it away for you!" Gon chirped, holding his hand out for Killua's empty cup and smiling like there was no tomorrow.

The silver haired boy huffed and passed it over. "Fine, be a trash boy if you're so enthusiastic about it."

"Yay!" Gon cheered, before hurrying off to throw away their drinks.

Killua watched him go with that familiar warmth squirming about in his chest. Fuck, why does he have to be so damn cute. Ever since Gon had told Killua that he wasn't sure if he was straight or not, it had seemed like a huge weight had been lifted off the two of them.

They talked so much easier, it was as if having that conversation had made the two of them even closer. Like Killua said, Gon clearly trusted him a whole shit ton. It felt really nice, knowing that Gon knew he was gay and didn't give a rat's ass about it. And then there was Gon's speech about Killua…

It had made him so stupidly happy, hearing all that crap spew out of Gon's mouth. Knowing that Gon thought so much about him and had all those sentimental thoughts made Killua feel so touched. No one's ever paid that much attention to me before.

Look at Killua, being such a sentimental idiot. This was so stupid! Why did he have to get all hung up over Gon's words?! Killua sighed, such was the shit he'd have to go through when it came to being in love with Gon.

"I'm back!" Gon announced as he skipped over to their table. Well speak of the devil.

"I guess it's time to go, huh?" Killua said, pushing himself to his feet and slipping his phone and wallet back into his pockets.

"Yeah," Gon sighed. He began to pick up all of his bags. He must have had a plan to get all that crap on Tsubone the Motorcycle, and Killua couldn't wait to watch him struggle to accomplish that feat.

Killua led the way out of the Starbucks and towards the exit. So long, Target. It had been wonderful as always. Killua's shopping addiction was sobbing into a dirty bartop, pockets empty and glass drained with nothing but foam remaining. Leaving a Target without at least a single bag of shit that he didn't need was making Killua's soul cry…

"Awwhhhh mannn," Gon sighed, sounding just like Killua's shopping addiction.

Killua raised a silver brow. "What are you whining about?"

"We're done shopping!"

"Oh really? I hadn't noticed."

"That means I have to take you home!"

Killua barked a laugh, "Your kidnapping scheme is coming to a close?! Terrible news!"

"It's not kidnapping if you got on the motorcycle of your own free will," Gon argued.

"Nope. You definitely coerced me. Kidnapping."

"What did I coerce you with?!"

"Sexual assault."

"What?!"

Killua cackled, and Gon trudged along at his side with a heavy sweatdrop over his head.

"I don't wanna take you home," Gon pouted, though he continued before Killua could resume beating the dead horse that was the kidnapping joke. "That means I have to say goodbye."

Silver lashes fluttered. "What? It's not like we'll never see each other again," Killua mumbled, though his heart was spinning about and singing like a fool. Gon was so cute, it was unfair! And Killua didn't want to bring their shopping date-not-date to a close either…

"Yeah but I won't see you until at least tomorrow!" Gon declared dramatically. "That's so far away."

Killua chuckled. Damn Gon, he was making him blush. "So dramatic."

Gon suddenly gasped, his menagerie of bags jostling as his entire body jerked with the strain of bringing an idea to life in that pea-brain of his. "I know! Killua, you should come back to the apartment with me! Then you can help me decorate and we can keep hanging out!"

Killua's heart skipped a beat. Going with Gon to his apartment? It's already late afternoon… I'd be staying for hours. I'll be there at nightfall. Nightfall at Gon's apartment…

Sins. Sins were happening in Killua's brain.

"Yeah, I guess I can tag along with you for a few more hours," he said nonchalantly, flawlessly concealing his excitement… excitement that was in more than one sense.

"No way, really?!" Gon gasped, coming to a stop so he could face Killua. His eyes were sparkling and wide, his jaw dropped in preparation to cry out in victory.

"Are you deaf?" Killua sighed. "Don't make me say it again..."

"KILLUA'S GOING TO DECORATE FOR CHRISTMAS WITH ME!" Gon yelled, throwing his hands victoriously into the air. Bags swung back and forth and strangers stopped and stared.

"Decorate for–"

"-Come on, I can't wait!" Gon squealed, lacking a free hand so settling to push Killua along with his shoulder instead.

Killua's excitement died down almost immediately. Damn him and his stupid gay thoughts! He'd been so worked up about going with Gon to his apartment that he hadn't been paying attention to what they'd actually be doing in that apartment!

He groaned in annoyance, "Urghhh, I hate Christmas!"

"Well you already agreed, it's too late now!" Gon cackled. "Consider yourself kidnapped!"

"I KNEW you were a kidnapper!" Killua gasped. He reluctantly allowed Gon to drag him towards the parking lot. Shopping for decorations was one thing, but actually participating in the shit show that was decorating was something else entirely. Killua would be going against all of his morals if he went through with this!

But like Gon said, it was too late. He'd gone and let Gon get all excited, there would be no detering him now. However, being alone with Gon in his apartment - where his bedroom was - was a shining opportunity. An opportunity to get Gon to kiss him without the mistletoe.

There would be no distractions in the apartment. No Alluka, no Zushi, no Tik Tok exploitation, and certainly no mistletoe. Killua's heart rattled against his ribs. Yes, he could do this. He'd help Gon decorate for Christmas, and by nightfall he'd get Gon to kiss him for sure.

The frigid wind wrestled with Killua's hair as they stepped through the doors and back into the cold. It had begun snowing while they'd been inside, and now the sidewalks and giant cement balls were dusted with a fine layer of white powder. Flurries floated down from above, one of them landing on Killua's nose where it melted on the spot.

Everything was perfect. It was all going Killua's way and he was certain that he'd finally get to have Gon. But then…

As they walked into the parking lot, Killua saw a girl in passing.

She was heading into the Target with a group of other people, but she was the only one that Killua got a good peripheral look at. She had ice blonde hair with hot pink peekaboo highlights catching the light as the wind sifted through her waist length tresses. She had golden tanned skin, impressive for the dead of winter, and was wearing a puffy coat in a blinding pink.

A spark of anxiety shot up Killua's spine, he recognized that girl. He'd recognize her anywhere, the night they'd met had been haunting his nightmares for the past few weeks. Maybe nothing would have come out of it if he'd ignored it and kept walking, but Killua found himself looking over his shoulder to see if his eyes were deceiving him.

Unfortunately the girl had had the same exact thought process as Killua, and when they glanced backwards their gazes met. Eyes of burnt gold met eyes of sapphire blue, and just as Killua realized his mistake he also realized that it was too late. Because he recognized another person in that group as well.

"Gon, is that you?" came a voice that Killua recalled from another snowy day.

The raven perked up, much to Killua's dismay, and stopped walking. Gon and Killua stood in the center of the crosswalk, snow swirling about in their hair as they faced the group of people who'd paused at the line of cement spheres.

"Hey, I know you!"

The girl with pink highlights pointed at Killua, her mouth open in a gasp that quickly morphed into a devious grin. At her shoulder stood Jispa, Gon's friend from McDonalds on their snow day. Alongside those two was a tall guy with messy purple hair, a brooding dude with dark skin, a blonde with the worst RBF Killua had ever seen, and a shorter person with androgynous features and hair bleached all the way to white.

"Guys?" Gon asked, blinking in surprise.

Killua frowned. These people must have been Gon's other friends. The ones he studied and went to crazy parties with. Jealousy stirred in the pits of Killua's belly, along with a sense of dread.

That girl with the highlights, she was the girl from the party who had tugged Gon away from Killua after he'd drunkenly kissed him. She was the only person aside from Killua who knew about Gon's drunken kiss. And she clearly hadn't been drunk enough to forget the entire incident.

She recognized Killua, and the glint in her eye spelled nothing but trouble.

Gon just told me that he doesn't know if he's straight or not. What will happen if she tells him that we kissed at that party? That he'd met me before that day at Beanz? What will Gon think after all this, after I've confirmed that I'm gay and after we've kissed so many times. What will he think knowing that we'd met sooner than he'd thought?

What will he think of me, knowing that I "met him" while fully aware that we'd already met one before - and kissed - while he was drunk?!

It will mess everything up. Gon will hate me–

Oh my fucking god, what do I do?!

"Gon!" exclaimed the guy with purple hair. "What are you doing here?" he laughed.

"I'm just shopping," Gon said, "What are you guys doing here?" his voice had an odd undertone, it was antsy. Nervous. But Killua did not notice that detail, he was too busy running through escape scenarios and excuses to extract the two of them from the conversation. He also missed the way Gon's eyes darted to the girl from the party. As well as the panic in them as he did so.

"Shopping," Jispa snorted. "We got bored so we're using Pitou's fake ID to get some beer, we tried to invite you but you didn't answer!"

Gon fished his phone out of his pocket and glanced at his notifications. Killua glanced casually over at the screen, and sure enough, Gon's lockscreen was choked full of text, Snap, and GroupMe notifications. I've never seen that many message notifications at once. Not even with the disaster that is Coffee Flavored Lube.

Once again Killua felt the sour sensation of jealousy whirthing about in his gut. Gon knew so many people and had so many friends that weren't Killua. He didn't know any of these people, and it was making him feel left out… and more importantly, it was pissing him off. Possessiveness burned like acid in the back of Killua's throat. He wanted to go back with Gon to his apartment, he wanted to continue spending time with Gon and he didn't want all these randos fucking it up.

"Oh," Gon observed as he glanced at his notifications. "You did! Sorry, I wasn't paying attention!"

"Not paying attention for the past three hours," retorted the RBF blonde. He was the tallest twink Killua had ever seen. God, the dude had to be at least six feet tall.

That bitchy remark spoiled Killua's mood even more (if that were even possible), but before he could start a fight with that sharp tongue of his, Gon threw his head back and laughed. Killua blinked. What? Was Gon not pissed off too? That guy's attitude was total garbage!

"Yeah, you're right!" Gon admitted. "Whoops, got a little carried away I guess!"

"Typical," the colossal-twink huffed, flipping his hair with more attitude than Kim Kardashian.

"The hell were you doing?" laughed the guy with purple hair. The brooding dude and the white haired person were hanging in the back, watching Killua with curious eyes. Killua watched them back, deciding that he did not like either one of them.

"Shopping, like I said," Gon snorted. "Though I wasn't shopping for nearly as interesting stuff as you guys are."

The white haired person - Pitou - smirked and held up a fake ID between two fingers. "You're welcome to tag along if you wanna have some fun," they purred.

Fun. Because getting coffee and decorating Gon's apartment with me isn't fun enough.

Killua really wanted to punch someone. Or cry. But mostly punch someone.

"Damn, that does sound fun," Gon said with a grin. Killua prickled, he could practically smell the raging drinker that lay hidden beneath Gon's seemingly innocent smile. Killua frowned. He felt himself deflating on the inside. Fine. If Gon wants to hang out with these guys instead of with me then I guess I can't stop him. He'd want to hang out with his cOoL friends tonight anyways, Killua thought bitterly.

"But," Gon said, stopping Killua a split second before he turned on his heel and marched off to call an Uber. "I've already got plans with Killua, sorry!" The silver haired boy froze his plans to ditch Gon in their tracks. His heart swelled and his cheeks turned pink, though he'd blame it on the cold if anyone mentioned it. Gon wanted to hang out with him instead of his cooler friends?

"Killua?" the brooding guy spoke up, raising a brow. His voice was silky and baritone.

"Oh yeah!" Jispa said with a snap of his fingers. "Gon's new friend!"

It took an embarrassing amount of effort for Killua to prevent himself from correcting that to "best friend."

"Yeah," Gon said, realizing himself and stepping to the side to reveal Killua where he'd been hiding behind him. "This is Killua. Killua, this is Zazan, Cheetu, Abengane, Pitou, Pouf, and you already know Jispa."

Killua gave them all a nod. Gon sweatdropped. Killua was being antisocial again…

"Oh, Killua, so that's his name?" the blonde - Zazan - said giddily. The others gave Zazan a curious collective glance. So Jispa wasn't the only one who already knew this Killua guy?

Killua glanced at her, his eyes narrowing in suspicion. Fuck, I forgot about her, if she fucking says something than I'll–

"I know you!" Zazan chirped. Killua was on the verge of a heart attack. "You're the guy Gon kissed! At the–"

"-What? What are you talking about, why would I kiss Killua?"

Killua avoided having a heart attack… but instead his heart was in his throat. He glanced at Gon, and found his eyes dark and unreadable. He frowned. What? What was… what was Gon talking about? I mean… sure, Gon didn't know that he'd kissed Killua at that party, but that didn't change the fact that he still had kissed Killua.

What happened to that time under the mistletoe after Ikalgo's party? The one that was literally all over Tik Tok? The Killugon trend that Gon had seemed so proud of?

And what about Alluka's bathroom? When Gon had literally followed Killua into the shower, made out with him naked, and gotten completely bricked up?

Zazan blinked, thoughts churning in her eyes as she fixed Gon with that devious smirk. "Oh? I could have sworn that–"

"Killua's my friend, Zazan, stop trying to make it weird."

That sentence hit Killua like a ton of bricks. Make it weird? The hell?

But Gon had said that he didn't know if he was straight or not. He'd made out with Killua in the bathroom and then what had happened on the chair–

Killua's stomach dropped with a sudden and all encompassing dread.

Gon's reaction after the thing with the chair. Was that not embarrassment, but discomfort? Had Killua read the situation completely wrong?! Gon hadn't wanted to continue talking bout his sexuality, was it because he was uncomfortable with the possibility that he might be gay–

Stop trying to make it weird. Make it weird, he said.

Killua's face flushed with realization, shame, and fear. Had he just been crazy this whole time? All these signals Gon had been supposedly sending… were they all strictly platonic and Killua was reading into everything all wrong?

Make it weird… what the fuck is he saying? How is suggesting that he kissed me weird when he LITERALLY put his tongue in my mouth not twenty four hours ago? I'm so confused.

Killua looked at Gon, feeling raw with betrayal. He'd felt so open with Gon after they'd come out and semi-come out to each other. But now he could feel that unguarded flesh violently bleeding. What was going on, was Gon homophobic or–

"Aw, did I make you embarrassed?" Zazan cooed, cackling as Gon glared at her.

Gon's ears were red.

Killua's thoughts took another hard one eighty. What? Why is he blushing, is he embarrassed? Why would he be embarrassed? Is he… embarrassed about considering kissing me? That's normal for a straight guy, but that isn't a reason to blush so violently. God, his entire neck is bright red. Is he… not homophobic? Does he like me, not want me to know, and is freaked out by the subject of kissing me because of that?

Killua will say it again, he's confused as all fuck.

A mixed signals situation? Chrollo had no idea how fucking right he was.

I don't know what's going on. What is Gon thinking right now? Why would he deny kissing me? And why is he trying so hard to make Zazan shut up about it?

I'm glad that he interrupted her before she finished that sentence. He probably thinks she was about to mention the Tik Tok video of us kissing. If she'd finished that sentence and told Gon that he kissed me at that party… then I would seriously be in deep shit.

But still… I feel so conflicted now. I'm nervous. Nervous that I was wrong this whole time about Gon liking me back. Does he like me and not want to think about kissing me when I'm right here? Or is he homophobic and doesn't want to bring up kissing me in front of his friends?

Killua watched Zazan watch Gon. She knew something. By the bemused look on Pitou's face… they all did. What was it? They were closer friends with Gon… they probably knew all the nitty gritty details about Gon's struggling with his sexuality. Killua opened his mouth to comment on whatever the fuck this was, but Gon was in the midst of making his escape.

The raven glared at Zazan, by the look in his eye they were probably at each other's throats pretty often…

"Shut up, Zazan," Gon warned. His words were dripping with underlying messages, but Killua didn't have enough details to read between the lines. What in the hell was going on?! He turned to Gon to demand to be informed of the context of this situation, but again, Gon was in the midst of making his escape.

"You guys have fun getting wasted, Killua and I are going to decorate me and Zushi's apartment," Gon declared, awkwardly taking Killua's arm with his bag-filled hand and marching off towards Tsubone the Motorcycle.

"Uh, have fun!" Jispa called after the two of them, clearly just as confused as Killua was.

Gon speed walked across the parking lot, and the laughter of Zazan, Pitou, and Pouf could be heard as they turned to enter the Target. Killua glanced from Gon's retreating friends to Gon and back again. The confusion.

"So–"

"-Just ignore them," Gon interrupted, his words muttered under his breath. "They're cool people but fucking assholes when they want to be. Just forget about everything Zazan said, she's a bitch when she's sober. Don't let them weird you out or anything, I swear they're normal. I didn't know they'd be here so I wasn't able to tell them to be on their best behavior–"

"-Gon," Killua said, pulling out of the raven's awkward grip and interrupting his rambling. They'd arrived at Tsubone the Motorcycle, and Gon was starting to pull out his nylon rope to tie down anything that didn't fit all the way in the miniscule trunk compartment.

The raven startled a bit, and glanced at Killua. That look in his eyes, what was it, fear? God, what the hell was going on with him?! He clearly didn't want to talk about kissing Killua in any way or form. He was nothing short of seductive when there was a mistletoe hanging around, but the second kissing was brought up in casual conversation he flipped the fuck out. Killua supposed that this had been the first time they'd ever brought up kissing each other outside of the actual moment itself. I'm really fucking glad I hadn't mentioned it before. God, Killua hated mistletoe. He cursed Zushi's name a million times over.

"It's okay," Killua said to Gon, "Just ignore it."

Gon blinked, and then broke Killua's gaze. He calmed down, though his ears were still red. He set to work on loading up Tsubone the Motorcycle. "Y-yeah."

Killua's stomach twinged. He… didn't like this. It was giving him a bad feeling, just ignoring all that had happened. Gon's reaction… it had freaked him out. He was nervous, confused, unsure… he didn't have a clue what Gon was thinking anymore. He didn't want to continue this conversation… because a part of him - the logical part - was terrified that if he let Gon keep talking… he'd say the words that Killua dreaded hearing the most.

That Gon didn't like Killua as anything more than a friend.

That he didn't want to consider the fact that he was gay.

That he was only kissing Killua because of a stupid fucking Christmas tradition.

Killua would rather stay blissfully ignorant. This way, he could keep on hoping that Gon liked him back. There was still a chance… right? Right. All that stuff… it was probably nothing. Yeah. If Killua had liked Gon (which he did) and his chaotic friends (which he had too many of) decided to start talking about him kissing Gon with Gon right there, then he would have reacted in the exact same way. Though he'd have been more panicked and less firm. Less… dark. But… yeah.

He should just ignore it.

He had a mission to complete, right? He would get Gon to kiss him without mistletoe by nightfall. If anything, if Gon really was homophobic, then he was motivated to trick Gon into kissing him just to spite him.

Stupid Gon, saying all that shit when he knows damn well that it's fucking gay to make out naked with your best friend. He can deny it all he wants, but I'm gonna prove him so fucking wrong.

Not that there will be any wrongs to prove. Because Gon likes me alright.

There's no way he doesn't.

All that… It doesn't change the situation. Like I said, he'd react that way if he didn't like me but also if he did. The situation hasn't changed.

Killua nodded, reassuring himself one last time.

He pulled on the spare helmet and climbed onto the motorcycle behind Gon. Gon, who was bringing Killua to his apartment. They were going to put up Christmas decorations, and Killua was going to rain homosexual hell on Gon's stupid mixed-signals having ass.

…

"Ah, finally!" Gon moaned as he collapsed onto the floor outside the door of his and Zushi's apartment. He hadn't been kidding about their parking garage being fucking far. Killua rolled his eyes as he watched Gon flop into a pile with his purchases.

"You wouldn't be so tired if you'd let me carry half the bags like I offered," Killua said, placing his hands on his hips and nudging Gon with his foot.

It'd taken them a long assed time to get here, and Gon had been lugging all those bags for a twenty minute walk. The snow was just beginning to come down for real, and they'd made it just in time. Killua was starting to get cold and you did not want to deal with a cold Killua! He could be very grumpy when he wanted to be.

"Just give me the key, idiot," Killua chuckled. He offered his hand to Gon, and the raven slipped his keychain from his pocket and handed it over. There were only three keys on Gon's keychain: for Tsubone, his car, and his apartment… unlike Killua who had an unnecessary amount of keys, keychains, and random shit he'd found on the ground.

Gon and Zushi's apartment was pretty crappy, exactly as Killua had expected. The building was totally run down, and was right on the outskirts of campus. It was common knowledge that this complex sold out exclusively to Yorknew students wanting to move off campus, and it was true to its clients. It was a complex affordable for broke college kids. And very obviously so.

The doors were on the outside of the complex rather than lining interlacing hallways. It was a long, rectangular building with rickety metal staircases crisscrossing the front wall. Each apartment had a tiny metal front deck that doubled as a landing on the stairwells, but Killua didn't think it was a good idea to stay on the stairs for longer than necessary. He'd already seen three support beams rusted through and had counted a total of fourteen missing screws.

The complex windows were tinted yellow, and various objects were visible from their positions on the sills. There were potted plants, lamps, cardboard displays, a cat. All types of stupid shit that kids dragged with them on move in day. Killua couldn't help but notice that Gon and Zushi's window had a sexy leg lamp like the one from that awful Christmas movie.

Right on brand.

Nasty smelling smoke oozed from skinny metal chimneys, and the screeching of the AC units around the back corner was disconcerting to say the least. There had been an impressive pile of broken beer bottles against the wall below Gon's staircase, and a slathering of halfheartedly removed graffiti decorated the cracked bricks of the outer wall.

Yorknew University sure knew how to keep up with their off-campus options.

The place had heart, alright. It was also an infamous party destination. Right up Gon's ally. It didn't surprise Killua that Zushi lived in such a shit hole! That gave him satisfaction… even though it meant that Gon was living in a shit hole as well.

For a guy with so much money to spare he sure is stingy with rent. Or maybe that's why he has so much money lying around. Who knows, I doubt he'll tell me even if I pry.

Killua shoved the key into the lock and let himself and Gon in. The raven gathered his bags for the final stretch… which involved stumbling through the door and immediately collapsing onto the floor. Killua shook his head and shut the door behind them. He was glad to finally be out of the snow.

The silver haired boy stepped over Gon and glanced around the apartment. It was cozy as fuck, and Killua's first impression was the smell. It was a good smell, which shocked him to his core. It smelled like scented candles, pumpkin spice scented candles, to be specific. The smell drifting in from the kitchen was also nice, it smelled like cake. Zushi had been really fucking good at baking those cookies, maybe it was something he did in his free time?

Killua glanced around, finding himself in a quaint living room. The apartment wasn't the biggest, but he felt like that made it better. It felt so homey… and it also smelled like Gon. Underneath the pumpkin spice and cake smell, of course.

The living room had a green corduroy couch leaned against the wall before an impressively large TV that was on the opposite wall. The coffee table was not made out of table, in fact it was quite literally two car tires with a sheet of plywood on top. What the fuck, where had the tires even come from–

There was a red persian rug on the floor of the living room, and a runner to match that stretched down a skinny hallway to what Killua assumed was the kitchen area. Two doors bordered the hallway, each one with a tacky whiteboard strung from glittery ribbon. Killua had a feeling that Alluka had been responsible for those…

When he looked a little closer he found "Gon" and "Zushi" written on the whiteboards in cursive with iridescent golden expo, and Killua's suspicions were confirmed.

It was an all around nice place. There were posters and random shit hung all over the walls so it didn't feel too much like a prison cell like other apartments in the area that Killua had seen. None of the big lights were on, it was entirely lit by the buttery light from the lamps scattered about. As he'd suspected, there were candles all over the place with wax in various stages of use. There was also an enormous pile of throw pillows in the corner of the living room, with a very explicit anime body pillow of Roronoa Zoro sitting shamelessly on the top.

Killua snorted. Random, but not surprising considering this was Gon and Zushi.

His only complaint would be the pencil tree off to the side, but this was Gon and Christmas so it couldn't be helped.

"What do 'ya think of the apartment?" Gon asked from where he was splayed across the floor.

"It's nice," Killua admitted. "I actually kinda love it in here."

"Of course you do, brother," came a cheerful voice from the kitchen.

Killua blinked in surprise, "Alluka?"

"It is a man cave in apartment form, after all," Alluka said as she peeked out from the kitchen to wave at Killua with flour-coated hands.

"What are you doing here?" Killua asked, his voice higher than he would have liked.

"Oh! She's visiting me and helping me make this cake recipe that we found," Zushi answered, timidly peeking out to greet Gon and Killua… though everything from his nose down was still hidden by the wall. Coward.

He had good reason to be scared, Killua was already plotting his murder.

"What type of cake is it?" Gon asked, the promise of food having gotten him off the floor.

"Coca-cola cake!" Alluka declared.

"Oh my fuck it's gonna be so good!" Gon gasped.

"I know right?!" Alluka cheered.

Killua interrupted before the two of them could start patty caking from opposite ends of the apartment. "Why are you in his apartment, Alluka?!" Killua demanded. "Who knows what horrible things he keeps in here! I bet he keeps the chopped up bodies of his previous girlfriends in the freezer!"

"Brother, we've been over this a hundred times," Alluka drawled. "Zushi is not a serial killer."

"Maybe he's not but I'm about to be–"

"-Allllright, let's just go this way," Gon chuckled, swiftly grabbing Killua by the arm and hurrying down the hallway and into his bedroom to prevent the murder of his roomate. He wrestled Killua across the door jam and struggled to keep him inside as he yelled a quick goodbye to Zushi and Alluka.

"Hey!" Killua snapped once the door was shut and Gon was leaning against it to bar the exit. "Let me out Gon, I need to find the perfect knife to gut him with!"

"And that's exactly why you are not allowed to leave my room," Gon sighed. "You're not murdering Zushi on my watch!"

"But he's alone with Alluka in his fucking apartment! He's going to assault her any second now!"

"Killua," Gon said, speaking in the tone of a preschool teacher, "Zushi is Alluka's boyfriend, we need to let them spend time together, okay?"

"No! Not okay!" Killua declared. "I must kill him before he steals my sister's purity!"

"Killua. Zushi is the human embodiment of a labrador retriever, he would never even consider doing something like that."

"And what do you know?" the silver haired menace countered.

"I live with him!" Gon cried out in exasperation. "If he was a psycho path then I think I would have noticed!"

"Well you're a complete moron so why should I believe you?!"

Gon sighed and dragged his hand down his face. "Fine, we'll try this way. Killua?"

"Gon?" the trouble maker parroted.

"Do you trust your sister?"

"Of course I do! With every fiber of my being!" Killua exclaimed.

"Okay," Gon said slowly, making sure he didn't rush this. Reasoning with Killua when he was in a brotherly rage was risky business. "If you trust Alluka's judgment as much as you say you do, then would you really believe that she would let herself get in a serious relationship with a serial killer?"

"Serious relationship?! Since when did this turn serious–"

"KILLUA! YOU'RE IGNORING MY QUESTION!"

"I OBJECT TO THE WEDDING–"

"-THEY'RE NOT GETTING MARRIED, DUMB ASS, ALL THEY'RE DOING IS BAKING A CAKE SO CALM THE HELL DOWN!"

"I can't believe you'd ask me to betray my sister's purity–"

"-Killua do you honestly think that Alluka would be stupid enough to date a fucking murderer."

"...No."

Gon chuckled to himself, "See? There! Crisis averted! Now stop trying to sabotage your sister's happiness and let me show you around my room!"

His room?

Oh yeah! Killua was in Gon's bedroom!

Gon's bedroom… This is where he sleeps. I wonder if the bed smells like him–

Killua shook those troublesome thoughts from his head. What was he doing, fantasizing about laying face first on Gon's bed and breathing into his pillows?! That was so weird!

Shaking the strange thoughts from his head, Killua turned around to look around Gon's bedroom. The raven stepped away from the door and laughed as he gave Killua a welcoming flourish of his hand.

The room was dark, cramped, and cozy as all hell. Much like the rest of the apartment. Gon's floor was covered in a carpet so plush that Killua could feel it through his shoes. The bed was pushed off into the corner, and the blankets were still pulled back from when Gon had gotten up that morning. Seeing the rumpled sheets dried Killua's mouth. He could see the indentation where Gon slept.

Dragging his eyes away from the bed, Killua found a desk on the other side of the room that was covered in computer monitors. There were three desktops and an expensive looking laptop. All their screens were sleeping, and the entire setup was lit by strings of LED lights slowly fading from purple to blue to green and back again. All of the light in Gon's room came from the computer setup, as well as a salt lamp that was on the nightstand.

There was a pile of bean bag chairs leaned against the wall, and the sliding closet door was open to reveal a messy collection of clothes and a shit ton of books piled up on the closet floor. Huh, Killua had never pegged Gon as a reader.

There was a rug on the floor before the bed, which was a little redundant considering the floor was already carpeted. More posters lined the walls of Gon's room, much like they had in the living room. Only Gon's posters were less vintage-chique and more freaky-metal-band. It seemed that Gon had a corner of his room dedicated to leather things, because there were two jackets, the Docs he'd been wearing, and various belts all haphazardly tossed in a pile alongside a couple more extra motorcycle helmets. One of which had vinyl flames up and down the sides.

Gon's room was fascinating, and Killua immediately loved it. It didn't smell as good as the living room had, likely because Zushi's horde of candles hadn't spread into Gon's bedroom, but Killua didn't mind. It didn't smell sweet, it smelled like Gon. From the lights on the computer desk to the posters on the walls, everything in this room screamed "Gon." Killua never wanted to leave.

"Woah, your room is so sick," he commented, slipping out of his shoes and making a beeline for the bed. Fine. Self control be damned.

Gon laughed as Killua launched himself face first onto the mattress and sighed dramatically against the pillow. Gon could keep on thinking that Killua was being funny, but in reality he was melting on the inside because Gon slept here every night and now Killua wanted to curl up and take a nap surrounded by his things and his scent.

"I think I'm gonna take a little nap." Killua said it in a joking tone, but he was dead serious. There were definitely not tears in his eyes. No, there was no way that laying in Gon's bed would make him that happy. No way.

"I invite you over and all you want to do is sleep?" Gon snorted, his voice coming from the desk. A part of Killua pouted that Gon hadn't joined him on the bed. The only thing that can make this better than it already is would be Gon laying in his bed with me and hugging me until I fall asleep. A very vivid wish. Killua admits that he's been daydreaming about that for the past week and a half.

Though I suppose what would be even better is if Gon pinned me down and–

"You're not seriously asleep, are you?"

Killua quickly pulled himself out of his thoughts, forcing himself to stop drooling over the image of Gon fucking him in his bed. Daydreaming about smelling the pillows was one thing but this was a whole different story!

"Well I would have been," Killua grumbled, pretending that Gon hadn't just dragged him out of the best daydream he ever could have come up with. He sat up and unburied himself from Gon's sheets. Hm, Gon slept light. He only had a single blanket! What?! That needed to be changed.

"Is this what you like to do all day?" Gon teased. He was slouching in his desk chair, his shoes already kicked off and thrown back onto the pile in his closet floor. "Sleep like an elderly cat? That's so you."

"I don't sleep all damn day," Killua huffed. "The insomnia would never." But if I were laying in your bed then I could fall asleep within seconds…

Gon snorted. "Felt that."

Killua leaned against the wall, drawing Gon's pillow against his chest. It felt great making himself at home in Gon's space like this. The burning urge to steal Gon's pillow was growing increasingly hard to ignore. He had plenty of pillows in the living room, he probably wouldn't mind if Killua stole the one he laid his head on every night…

"You've got a shit ton of books, Gon," Killua teased. "I didn't know you knew how to read."

"I don't," Gon joked, "They're all Zushi's."

"Oh," Killua sweatdropped. "Yeah that doesn't shock me in any way or form."

"Zushi has too many books to fit in his bedroom, so I let him keep some in my closet!" Gon explained, clearly proud of himself.

"That's nice of you," Killua hummed. He slipped out of the bed and marched mischievously over to the closet. "Of course Zushi would be a book nerd, I wonder what girly shit he likes to read!"

Gon sighed and leaned his arm over the back of his chair as he watched Killua pick a book off the stack and start judging. "Come on, Killua, leave Zushi alone!"

"I'll leave him alone when he stops being such a pussy! Is this fucking Harry Potter?" Killua broke down laughing.

Gon rolled his eyes. "You're hopeless, you know that?" The raven chucked a bundle of fabric into Killua's head. The silver haired boy lost balance and toppled over, still giggling about the fact that Zushi was such a nerd.

"Buzzkill," he taunted Gon. Killua pulled whatever Gon had thrown off his head, and found a Slipknot t-shirt. Isn't that the one he was wearing today..? Killua glanced over at Gon to berate him about throwing merch at his face, but all of his words were sucked out of his body when he found Gon sitting SHIRTLESS in his chair.

Killua quickly averted his gaze. His face was on fire.

WHY IS HIS SHIRT OFF?! WHY?! THAT IS SO UNNECESSARY–

"Mmmm, I can't wait to try Zushi and Alluka's cake," Gon sighed. He was just sitting there. Chilling. Existing. All with his shirt off. Killua couldn't decide if he wanted to die or climb into his lap and lick his chest. He swallowed. This was so unfair.

I want to ask him why the fuck he took his shirt off, but I can't do that! I can't start acting weird, then he'll get suspicious! Guys take their shirts off all the time! My gayness is getting the better of me again…

"Y-yeah," Killua agreed, making sure he didn't wait too long to respond. DAMMIT, I'M MAKING IT WEIRD!

"Zushi's so good at kitchen stuff!" Gon said. "He's the one to do all the cooking for us, so I'm not surprised he won the cookie baking competition!"

"And I'm surprised he hasn't spiked your food with cyanide yet to add your body to his collection of parts in the freezer," Killua muttered.

"Killua."

"Gon."

The two of them glanced at each other. God… Killua couldn't stop thinking about how hot Gon looked. He looked so relaxed, so confident sitting there shirtless like it was nothing at all. Killua wouldn't take his shirt off willingly for no reason, he was too skinny and too pale. But Gon?

He was completely jacked with muscles and warm skin. He wasn't as bulky as other gym guys like Knuckle or Shoot; he was lean but shot through with muscle all the same. He had a slender build, and Killua was having a considerable amount of trouble keeping his eyes away from his toned stomach and v line.

Gon's skin was at a deep tan, but got paler around his chest and stomach. The faint remains of a tank top tan were visible against his skin, and Killua's mind was stuffed full of intrusive thoughts revolving around Gon out in the summer heat, sweating his ass off and carrying around metal beams.

Why metal beams? Killua doesn't fucking know! His gay thoughts are taking the wheel, alright?! Some people have a Procrastination Monkey but Killua has a Gay Thoughts Gallimimus!

Fuck, I wanna see him sweating–

"You've been holding Order of the Phoenix for a while there, Killua," Gon said, a smirk on his face and a familiar mischievous twinkle in his eye.

Killua frantically shook himself out of his stupor and tossed the book back into the closet. Yes, back into the closet with you! That's where Killua belonged right about now. Was I drooling?! What the hell!

"Whatever," Killua huffed, pretending that his face wasn't turning fifty shades of scarlet. He stood up, buzzing with the need to change the subject. He walked over to Gon's chair and stood before him. The raven looked up at him, a smug lilt to his mouth. Jerk. Killua really wanted to get in his lap, but that was not happening. He settled for crossing his arms and gesturing at the computers.

"What's all this shit for?"

"Coding," Gon said simply, thankfully spinning his chair to face the computers. He shook the mouse, and the four screens lit up with a bunch of coding shit that Killua didn't understand in the slightest.

"All that expensive equipment for nothing but classwork?" Killua snorted.

"Not all for class work," Gon snorted, minimizing the coding tabs on each of the screens. He had Youtube openplaying lofi hip hop underneath one, Netflix under another, a shockingly neat homescreen on the laptop, and on the center desktop the lobby of Greed Island was sitting in idle behind the coding tab.

Killua gasped, his interest immediately piqued. He leaned over Gon's shoulder to grab his hand before he could minimize the game tab. "Is that Greed Island?!" Killua demanded.

"Yup," Gon chuckled, not bothered in the slightest by Killua's hand over his guiding the mouse to check out his game stats. "I have all these computers for gaming too. And also watching tv. Zushi watches the Cooking Channel day in and day out, which is super boring."

"You play Greed Island too?!" Killua breathed, his insides buzzing with excitement.

"Yeah," Gon said, not sounding nearly as enthusiastic as Killua. "Everyone does, right?"

"Well yeah, but not everyone has such an amazing fucking character!" Killua replied. Gon's character was an Enhancer type. He was bulky as fuck with ripped clothing, a pillar of pitch black hair, and eyes that glowed orange. "How many levels have you beaten?!"

"All of them."

"WHAT?!" Killua shrieked.

Gon rubbed the back of his head, seeming sheepish. "I finished Heaven's Arena a while back, so the Christmas update was the only level I hadn't beaten but I finished it yesterday–"

"YOU BEAT HEAVEN'S ARENA?!"

Alluka's laughter could be heard from the kitchen, it was clear that Gon had stumbled across Killua's Greed Island obsession!

"Yeah?" Gon laughed. "I don't know why you're freaking out, it wasn't that difficult–"

"-Not that difficult?! I've been playing that damn level non-stop for months, Gon! How did you do it?!"

"I just looked around for the secret passageways."

"Well, duh," Killua huffed. "What's your gamertag?! Friend me right now!"

"sh0wM3rock," Gon responded, bemusedly pulling up the search bar to find Killua's account.

"Give me the damn keyboard," Killua commanded, swiftly typing in his gamertag and sending himself a friend request on Gon's behalf.

"I've never seen you so passionate about something that isn't chocolate!" Gon laughed.

"Of course I'm passionate, Greed Island is my reason for existence!" Killua ranted. "Please tell me you have a second controller! We're playing it right now!" Killua dragged the mouse to another computer screen and opened Greed Island a second time. He swiftly added his account to Gon's computer and navigated to his own lobby. He accepted Gon's friend request and cackled widely as he sat on the arm of Gon's chair.

"Woah, what's your character's type?" Gon asked, reading through Killua's stats. Killua's character had spikey white hair, billowing clothing, and was lit up with electricity.

"Transmuter," Killua declared proudly. When you first got started on Greed Island it was a dice roll one which type your character would be. Luckily Killua got a transmuter, the coolest one! Gon was an Enhancer, which was pretty boring in Killua's opinion. But Gon was clearly good at what he did if he'd beaten the entire fucking game.

"What did you think of the Christmas expansion?" Gon asked.

"Garbage. I refuse to play it."

"What?!" Gon gasped. "Why?!" he whined, sounding offended.

"Because it's Christmas, why the hell would I play that?!" Killua declared, already plugging two of Gon's controllers into their respective desktops.

"Um, because it's fun!" Gon argued. "You can't just ignore an entire expansion just because it's Christmas themed!"

"Yes I can," Killua laughed. "And I will, and I already have!"

"That's not fair!" Gon pouted. "You have to play it!" He seemed passionate about this, it was amusing!

"How come? It looks fucking stupid!" Killua cackled.

"It is not stupid!" Gon whined, sounding incredibly offended. "It's not just Christmas side quests, there's a whole story and everything! Just because it's set in the North Pole doesn't mean it's stupid!"

"It's set in the North Pole?!" Killua wheezed.

"Well yeah," Gon huffed. "It seemed like a– I mean, isn't that a creative idea?!"

"It's a stupid idea, that's what it is," Killua snickered.

Gon shoved him off the arm of his chair. "Shut the hell up, you haven't even tried it! You're not allowed to sit on my chair if you're going to disrespect the Christmas update!"

"You sure are attached to this stupid expansion, aren't you?" Killua cackled. "I'm not surprised you like it so much, you damn Christmas fan-boy."

"I'm not a Christmas fan-boy!" Gon argued. "I'm a man of culture, unlike you! Come on, we're playing the Christmas expansion together and you're going to like it!"

"What? No!" Killua complained. He dragged a beanbag over and plopped down beside Gon. "Let's play something that's actually interesting like Auction Escape or Trick Tower!"

"Auction Escape is a glorified Five Nights at Freddies and Trick Tower's map is totally unrealistic!" Gon declared.

"What?!" Killua gasped. "Don't you insult Auction Escape, I had a crush on the Chain User villain for like two months!"

Gon stuck his tongue out, "I said what I said! Come on, we're playing the Christmas expansion and you're going to like it! There are yetties, Killua! YETTIES!"

Killua rolled his eyes. "Fine, whatever. You already started loading the game so I guess it's too late. I'll walk around for five minutes, but if I hate it - and I will - we're going to play Auction Escape and bask in Chain User's bondage glory!"

"I knew that damn chain scene would be oversexualized," Gon muttered.

"What was that?"

"Oh, nothing."

…

Killua, he– he didn't hate the Christmas expansion! Literally what?! Killua had been refusing to play this game all month but the second he and Gon had dropped from a helicopter to the North Pole he'd been sucked in with no hope of escape!

The map was incredible, and the render distance was completely insane! The game took place in a series of tunnels throughout the ice of the North Pole, and the object of the game was to fight through the tunnels and collect bags of presents that had been stolen from Santa's workshop. The goal was to retrieve all of the stolen presents and return them before midnight on Christmas Eve, and if you didn't defeat each boss or challenge within a certain time limit then the event would start over from the last save point.

It was so compelling, and even though the entire tunnel system was decked out in Christmas lights and trees and shit it still managed to be exciting as fuck! The game was horribly tacky, and was very obviously over the top and unrealistic. (I mean, come on. They were fighting evil elves that had betrayed Santa and fought with ginger bread weapons.) But it was clear that the game had been designed to be obnoxious on purpose, using a Christmas theme as an excuse to create the most chaotic level Killua had ever attempted.

And Gon was amazing at Greed Island! It was insane! His character was ridiculously strong, and he played the game with such skill! He figured out the challenges and methods to defeat the bosses like it was nothing at all! It would have taken Killua an entire week to get as far as Gon and him did in three hours!

Killua was screaming obscenities and yelling the entire time he played. Jumpscares would leap out from behind structures of ice and at once point an entire cavern was set on fire! Yet Gon just slouched in his chair, completely calm and unsurprised by anything.

Sure, he'd beaten the expansion already, but how did he remember every little detail?! He even remembered where all the traps and dead ends were!

One thing was for sure, Gon was a Greed Island legend and Killua had never felt so wooed in his life.

Before Killua knew it, he and Gon had been playing for hours on end. They were halfway through the expansion when a knock sounded on the bedroom door. Killua cursed as he hit the b button repeatedly, trying desperately to barrel roll and escape an enormous yeti monster that was trying to rip his character's head off.

"Come in," Gon called, his concentration not breaking in the slightest.

The door cracked open and Alluka and Zushi poked their heads in. Gon and Killua had the volume up obnoxiously loud, and his speakers were rattling the frames on his walls with every explosion and special attack.

"Brother, don't you think you've been playing for long enough?" Alluka yelled over the noise.

"We're almost there, it won't be too much longer," Killua yelled back as he struggled immensely.

"We're halfway done, it'll probably take another three hours to beat the expansion," Gon responded smoothly.

"It's eight o'clock," Zushi yelled. "It'll be midnight by the time Killua makes it home! Don't you have work tomorrow?"

"Yeah, it'll be fine," Killua said through gritted teeth. Dammit! His health bar was dropping like crazy, but he didn't want to start this battle over for the fourth time!

"Brother, Zushi and I are going out to eat," Alluka explained, obviously awaiting a tantrum from Killua.

"Okay? Why are you telling me this, I'm– DAMMIT!" Killua whined and threaded his hand through his hair as his character got its head ripped off. Blood splattered the screen and the words "Mission Failed" spelled out in colored Christmas lights over the blood of Killua's poor character. Gon sighed as he leaned back and relaxed his shoulders, he hadn't died but if Killua did then he'd have to start over as well.

"I messed it up again," Killua pouted.

"That's okay! We can try it again. Just don't get too far from the mound of ice this time, okay? Hiding behind it is the only way to avoid the yeti's scream attack."

"It's hard though," Killua complained.

"Just keep trying, you'll get the hang of it," Gon snorted.

"Hold on, boys," Alluka said, stopping Gon before he could press the button to start the battle again. Gon and Killua turned to look at her, blinking innocently as if they hadn't been playing violent video games while screaming incoherently for the past three hours. "Killua shouldn't stay for more than a couple more hours or else he'll complain to me all day tomorrow about being tired. Why don't you turn the game off? You two were going to decorate the apartment, weren't you?"

"Oh yeah!" Gon and Killua said in unison.

"I forgot about that!" Gon laughed.

"That is why I agreed to come here, isn't it?" Killua mused.

Alluka shook her head. "You two are hopeless. Zushi and I are leaving to go eat at Olive Garden, so we won't be here to put out any fires! No destroying the apartment! You're just decorating a Christmas tree, so it shouldn't be too hard to avoid causing spontaneous explosions."

"Yeah, yeah, I'll do my best," Killua drawled. "But if something wants to explode then it's going to explode! Nothing I can do about it."

"Killua, if you break Zushi's leg lamp then I'm going to wring your neck," Alluka threatened.

Her troublesome brother pouted. "Fineeee. The lamp lives another day."

"Gon," Zushi warned. "The cake is cooling on the counter, and you are NOT going to eat it! I still haven't iced it yet, and if you steal even a crumb then I'm going to cry."

"Understood," Gon said with a salute.

"Goodbye guys!" Alluka chirped. "Have fun decorating!"

"Don't let him murder you, Alluka," Killua instructed.

The young woman rolled her eyes. "Whatever you say, brother."

"Zushi, bring me back breadsticks!" Gon cheered.

"Will do," the brunette agreed as he and Alluka slipped out into the cold.

Gon closed out of Greed Island and stretched his arms high over his head. "There! That was pretty fun, I haven't enjoyed Greed Island that much in a while."

"How could you not enjoy Greed Island?!" Killua demanded as he dragged his ass out of the beanbag chair. Ow, his back was starting to hurt from hunching over for so long.

"I dunno," Gon mused. "I've got a love-hate relationship with it I guess."

"Weird," Killua said.

"I guess so," Gon chuckled sheepishly. He got out of his chair and headed for his bedroom door. Killua followed after him, making sure to grab his shoes on the way. Gon slipped his hand into his back pocket and fished out his phone, prodding at it as he headed for the living room.

Killua was left to walk behind him, face to face with Gon's bare back. His shoulders were broad and ripped with muscle. His jeans were hanging low on his hips after sitting crisscrossed in his chair for so long, and Killua could see a dusting of sweat gathering at the small of his back from where he'd been leaning against the fabric of the chair.

Alluka and Zushi were gone. It was just him and Gon. Killua's heart beat a little faster.

It's so quiet. Suddenly the air feels thick. Is it just me?

Before I knew that Alluka was in the other room, but now that it's just us…

The only sound in the apartment was the tapping of Gon's bare feet on the hardwood as he approached the pile of Target bags in front of the door. His shoulders were loose, relaxed. He seemed so much more at ease now than he did when he and Killua were out and about.

It made sense, he was in his own home. Free to relax. Free to take off as many items of clothing as he wanted…

Killua came to a stop behind Gon when the raven knelt to unbag all the decorations they'd purchased. The trail of his spine was visible when he hunched over, and his shoulder blades rolled beneath tan skin as he moved things around.

My head feels hot.

Killua swallowed. It was true that Gon was painfully attractive, but he needed to calm the hell down! He'd been able to ignore Gon's shirtless form while they'd been playing Greed Island, but now it was time to man up and stop being so awkward!

Is it hot in here? I feel like I'm sweating. Killua glanced over at the thermostat. It was only 69 degrees… nothing out of the ordinary. He rolled up his sleeves, and willed his heart to stop pounding so hard.

Killua squatted next to Gon and took a look at his work. "So, what's the plan?" he asked. His words were smooth as ever. However, his mind was heavy with the knowledge of what he intended to do. This energy between Gon and him…

He was going to get Gon to kiss him.

By the time they were done decorating… Killua would have Gon all to himself.

The bedroom hallway felt like a grinning devil at Killua's back. When Gon kisses me… I wonder if he'll take things to his bedroom? Fuck… I really hope he does.

Killua shook himself. He needed to stop getting ahead of himself! He would not let Gon's shirtlessness trip him up! A bead of sweat ran down the front of Killua's chest. He hooked his finger under his collar and pulled the first two buttons open.

"I think we should put the ornaments on the tree first…" Gon started talking, but trailed off when he glanced over at Killua. Killua, with his fingers pulling the top of his shirt open. Gon's eyes locked onto his, sticky like honey. They flicked down to the popped collar and back up again. Killua's heart raced.

The air between them felt thick and charged.

"...Uh, tree ornaments," Gon continued, pulling his eyes away from Killua's and reaching down to begin collecting the boxes of ornaments. "Yeah. That'll probably take the longest, and if it gets too late then I can hang the garland and other stuff on my own. Decorating the tree is the most important part, so I definitely wanna do that with you!"

Do that with you…

Killua mentally slapped himself. STOP THINKING SUGGESTIVE THINGS, DAMMIT–

THERE WAS NOTHING EROTIC ABOUT DECORATING A CHRISTMAS TREE.

NOTHING AT ALL.

"Have you ever decorated a Christmas tree before, Killua?" Gon asked, shooting Killua a grin as he dropped the boxes on the not-table-coffee-table.

"Can't say that I have," the silver haired boy replied. He walked over to stand beside the coffee table, crossing his arms and scrutinizing the three sets of ornaments, the sparkly tree topper, and packages of lights.

"Oh, it's super fun," Gon said, his voice oddly silky as he looked Killua in the eye and tapped his phone with a thumb. Vintage Christmas music started playing from the soundbar under the television. The volume was low, and the soft whine of saxophone and crackly vocals whispered through the apartment.

Killua gave him a dead-eyed stare.

Gon cackled.

"Come on, first we need to put on the lights!"

"Do we seriously need music?" Killua complained. He watched as Gon ripped open a package of lights with his teeth… oh no, no no no. STOP thinking about those teeth ripping things open–

"Of course we do!" Gon chirped. "Otherwise we'd be tree decorating in silence, and that's just awkward."

I guess having music on makes it feel less tense in here. Anything to keep my mind from going in too many crazy directions, I guess.

"It's all about the vibe, Killua," Gon explained with a laugh. He pulled the lights out of their package and started untangling them. Killua - needing something to do aside from watching the muscles shift in Gon's arms - opened the second package and began to do the same.

The two of them slowly worked through the strings of lights, untangling the cords as they struggled to find the plugs at the ends. The low lighting made the apartment feel warm and intimate. Killua liked being alone in the apartment with Gon. Well, he liked doing everything with Gon so that wasn't really surprising, but something about this felt… special.

Why was that?

Gon hummed along to Winter Wonderland as he sifted through a bundle of green wires and clear colored bulbs. His voice was sweet and deep like honey, just like his eyes. Killua had heard him whisper along with metal music all the time, but now he wanted to hear Gon's natural singing voice. His hum was so beautiful, Killua didn't doubt that his voice would be incredible.

"Got it!" Gon said cheerfully. He grinned at Killua and held up the end of a socket for him to see. "Did you find yours yet?"

"Yup," Killua nodded.

"Good! I'm not sure if we'll need both sets of lights, but I guess we'll find out! Put yours back on the table for now, I'll probably end up using it for the garland."

Killua followed Gon's directions while the Raven crawled behind the tree to plug the string of lights into the wall. The floor lit up with a winding trail of golden orbs, and Gon cheered once they turned on without any hitches like broken filaments or faulty bulbs.

"Yes, now we can put them on the tree!" Gon said excitedly. He sat at the base of the tree with the lights in hand, grinning up at Killua with a million golden stars reflecting off his eyes. Killua's heart skipped a beat.

"How do we do that?" he asked stupidly.

"You just wrap it around and tuck the lights around the boughs," Gon answered as rose to his knees and began threading the base of the wire around the bottom of the tree. "It's easier to put the lights on while they're plugged in! That way you can see what you're doing. Hey Killua, can you sit on the other side? We'll pass the wire back and forth until the tree's all lit up!"

"Yeah, I can do that."

Killua sat on the other side of the tree and took the wire from Gon. He pushed the wire through the branches like Gon had instructed, and then passed it around the other side when he was done. They sat in a comfortable silence, slowly working their way up the tree.

The music and the lighting felt soft and romantic. Or at least to Killua. He felt all warm inside, and seeing Gon's hand pop out from behind the tree to pass him the lights had to have been the most adorable thing Killua had ever seen. He "accidentally" brushed their fingers together every time, and the warmth of Gon's skin sent shivers up his whole arm. They slowly rose to their feet as they worked, and soon enough Killua was reaching his arms above his head to get to the upper boughs of the tree.

This feels… nice.

I'm enjoying doing this. I know it's just Christmas shit, but this is oddly fulfilling. I wonder why that is? It can't be that I'm enjoying a Christmas activity, no way. Is it because… I'm doing this with Gon? I know that Gon makes me happy no matter what we're doing, but how come this in particular feels so soft? So… close?

Killua passed the string of lights to Gon, they were running out of wire. He waited for the cord to return to his side, still puzzling over this happiness brewing in his chest. But instead of Gon's hand reaching around the tree, Gon himself peeked across with a grin splattered all over his face.

Sapphire eyes blinked, and a laugh bubbled through Killua's lips.

"Lights are done!" Gon declared. "Now it's time for the fun part!"

"Ornaments?" Killua offered.

"Ornaments!" Gon cheered.

The raven hopped over to the boxes and started unpacking the sets of ornaments he'd purchased. One set was green, the other red, and one silver. The green and red sets were identical save for color, with spherical ornaments in matte, reflective, glitter, and textured. The silver set was different, with dripping strings of sparkling plastic crystals and tiny silver snowflakes covered in glitter.

They came with the hooks pre attached, which was why Gon had picked them out. He took each plastic casing out of the boxes, where the plastic decorations sat in neat little rows like eggs in a carton. Glitter was already beginning to spread all over Gon's fingers and coffee table, and Killua didn't doubt that it would be everywhere by the time they were done.

With a wild grin on his face, Gon picked up the first ornament. It was a sparkly green sphere on a little silver hook. "First one!" he said giddily, those amber eyes sparkling. The golden light from the tree played off his bare skin, he was practically glowing.

Killua watched Gon march up to the tree and hang the ornament as high as he could reach. He then placed his hands on his hips to admire his work, nodding in satisfaction. Killua watched with a growing smile. He's so cute.

I think… Gon is the reason I'm enjoying this so much. Something about being here and doing this with him feels close to my heart. I know that Gon loves Christmas more than anything, and he's willing to share these traditions with me even though I hate everything they stand for.

I'll never celebrate Christmas for what it is… but having an excuse to experience this tender moment with Gon is something I wouldn't hesitate to do year after year. I love him… does he know how much this means to me? I want to tell him.

I… will tell him.

Once I get him to kiss me I'll come clean. He'll know that I love him. Does he love me too?

"What are you standing around for, Ki–llu-a?" Gon asked. "Hang an ornament!"

"Okay fine," Killua sighed, his smile just as soft as his eyes. He picked up a glittery red one, to match Gon's. He approached the tree, the little silver hanger dangling off the tip of his finger. Killua looked around, where should he put it? His family never decorated trees when he was growing up, his mother had always hired someone to do the decorating professionally. It had been seen as a waste of time. Christmas trees had never been anything more than an object, just another thing that his mother blew money on. Another thing that he wasn't allowed to touch or dirty.

Killua reached out and placed the ornament on the nearest bough, not thinking much of it. He startled when Gon burst into a loud applause, cheering like a fool and clapping loud enough to echo against the walls. Killua gave him a quizzical glance that quickly dissolved into a fit of giggles.

"Killua hung his first Christmas ornament!" Gon cheered.

"I did, didn't I?" Killua grinned. He gazed at his ornament with an air of pride. That had been oddly fulfilling. Take that, childhood trauma!

"Yay! I love Christmas!" Gon squealed, suddenly wrapping his arms around Killua's shoulders and spinning him about in an excited hug. Killua's face flushed pink, he could feel Gon's laughter in his hair and his face was smooshed up against his bare chest.

Gon set Killua down with a contended hum, but didn't let go. Killua's heart was pounding in his chest. Gon gave him one final squeeze before pulling away. He held Killua at arms length, gazing down at him with a certain softness in his eyes. Killua's stomach flipped.

"Come on," Gon said with a breath. He let go of Killua's shoulders and turned to pick up another ornament. "Let's hang these up!"

"Uh, yeah," Killua breathed. His face was still flushed, and his lips were tingling with anticipation for a kiss that hadn't happened. He picked up a second ornament with shaky hands. God, why was he so worked up? I thought Gon was going to kiss me again. What was that hug all about?

Killua glanced over his shoulder to watch Gon hang the six ornaments he'd managed to fit in his hands. Gon was so bubbly and cute, but he'd never hugged Killua before. The only time they'd ever done anything like that had been that morning when Gon had come to pick him up. And Killua had been the one to initiate that.

I think he likes me.

Killua brought an armful of ornaments to the opposite side of the tree from Gon. He hung them one by one, though his eyes were on Gon rather than on what he was doing. His face looked so pretty cast by the golden light of the tree. Killua could watch Gon's hands hanging each ornament in the reflection of his eyes. His adam's apple bobbed up and down as he hummed to himself.

Killua's heart ached. He wanted Gon so bad.

He has to like me. Why else would he care so much about making this Christmas perfect, all for me? He kisses me under the mistletoe, but he has to be interested in me without it. Why else would he keep kissing me? Keep looking at me like that? Hug me so readily? Listen to me talk about my day with so much care?

Killua was certain, and his certainty grew with each glittering ornament they placed on the tree. The two of them worked in unison, spreading the red and green and silver about evenly. Glitter dusted the floor and their fingers, and Gon mumbled soft lyrics under his breath.

When they'd pass each other on passes for more ornaments, Killua would brush their shoulders together. He'd watch Gon through the branches of the tree, and each time their eyes met Gon would smile. Each flash of his teeth made Killua's heart long to grab Gon by the arm and spill his soul, but he was too damn nervous.

He'd been determined to get Gon to kiss him, but he was running out of time. The moment was coming, Killua could feel it. All this time, all these days of ducking around his feels and dreading the possibility that Gon might remember a drunken kiss. At first Killua had been horrified at the prospect of kissing Gon, but now he'd never wanted anything so bad in his life.

The dwindling collection of ornaments was like the hands on a clock, slowly ticking down to the moment of truth.

I'm gonna do it.

Gon shot Killua a grin as he picked up the last ornament: a dangling icicle of sparkling plastic crystal. Killua followed him to the tree, close to his side. Their shoulders brushed as Gon hung the final ornament on the Christmas tree, and Killua rested his chin on Gon's shoulder to admire their work.

"We did it," Gon whispered.

"Yup," Killua agreed.

Gon sighed and dropped to the floor. Killua laughed and followed him. They sat before the tree, gazing up at it and watching the glittery ornaments twinkle in the golden pinpricks of light. The tree topper had been placed halfway through the job, Gon had gotten too excited to wait. It was a slender angel with feathery wings and a golden horn. She didn't exactly match the rest of the tree, but Gon had liked her well enough.

"This is my favorite part of Christmas, you know?" Gon admitted.

"Oh?" Killua said softly.

"Yeah! I love hanging all the pretty ornaments and looking at the lights. Every year since I can remember me and my Aunt Mito have decorated the tree together the second we finished cleaning up after Thanksgiving! It always meant the start of Christmastime, and that's why I've always loved it."

"Makes sense," Killua said. "You're Aunt Mito… she's pretty cool?"

"Yeah! She's awesome!" Gon chuckled. "She's like a mother to me, and the most badass woman you'll ever meet." The raven's smile turned bittersweet. "This year is my first Christmas apart from her. It didn't feel the same putting up the tree… so that's why I've been procrastinating on it for so long. I was scared I'd hate doing it without her here with me."

Killua watched Gon's silhouette, his heart reaching out. Poor guy. He clearly missed his Aunt a whole hell of a lot.

"I was scared I'd hate all of Christmas this year. That it wouldn't be the same," Gon murmured. "But then I met you, and you know what? This has been the best Christmas I've ever had."

Killua's heart skipped a beat. "It has?"

"Yeah." Gon turned his head to meet Killua's gaze. His eyes were so soft that Killua felt his heart crack. That look in Gon's eyes… it had to be… "Thank you for decorating the tree with me, Killua. It really means a lot. It's kinda funny, huh? I said I'd save your Christmas spirit back when Alluka and Zushi dragged us on their date, but you're the one who saved mine."

Killua's eyes were trapped in Gon's, held hostage in that campfire gaze. He was warm like fire, and Killua felt himself drawing closer. Bit by bit. Barely anything at all, but with every tiny hair's length the spark in Killua's chest burned brighter and brighter. Gon didn't look away or change the subject. He held Killua's eyes, gratitude sparkling in his own.

He was so painfully handsome… so sweet that Killua melted every time he smiled.

Don't make it weird, Gon had said, but how could there be anything weird about this? This magnetism between them, how could Killua keep ignoring it as if his heart wasn't crying to call Gon his?

Killua couldn't hold back any longer.

Gon… sitting here like this, saying these things…

He said that my eyes remind him of the ocean… that they're deep and mysterious. Well his remind me of the sun, of fire and heat and all these intense emotions that I feel for him. Gon… I'm the one who should be thanking you.

Killua had so many words that he wanted to say, but he couldn't force them past the lump in his throat. Sitting with Gon like this with the lights and the music and the warmth in his heart…

I'm gonna do it.

Conflicting thoughts be damned, Killua snapped.

He leaned into Gon and pressed his lips against that smiling mouth. No mistletoe, no bullshit, just him and Gon and the golden light from the tree. Sparks flew like crazy in Killua's chest. His stomach shivered and the blood rushed to his cheeks. He didn't have the words to express what he was feeling for this incredible boy, but he did have this. He kissed Gon's mouth, softly and choked with everything he couldn't say.

But… Gon.

He completely froze up.

The realization dawned slowly, it started at the tips of Killua's toes and shivered all the way to the crown of his head. Why didn't Gon… kiss him back? What was… The soft echo of Killua's kiss sounded like the decisive slamming of a judge's gavel.

Killua pulled back, dread twisting violently around in his gut. His face burned a hot red. He frantically checked Gon's reaction–

Just as he'd feared, Gon was completely stiffened. His lips were still parted, but the smile had left. His mouth was an emotionless line, his eyes wide and shocked. He didn't say anything. He didn't move or breath or–

"Killua's my friend, Zazan, stop trying to make it weird."

Oh.

Shit.

Gon looked… speechless. And not in a good way.

Killua's breath hitched, and he scrambled to his feet. Tears of shame and hurt stung in his eyes. He was out the door in a split second, still pulling his shoes over his heels. Behind him Gon shook awake, the rigid expression on his face morphing into something else… and then into a panic.

"Killua! Wait–"

He shut the door before Gon could finish that sentence. Killua stumbled down the rickety stairs, getting the hell out of there as fast as he fucking could.

"What are you talking about, why would I kiss Killua?"

A sob choked its way up Killua's throat as he sprinted through the snow, his fingers shook as he pressed the buttons to call an Uber.

"Why am I so fucking stupid," he gasped through gritted teeth. The expression on Gon's face was flashing behind his eyes like strobe lights, he couldn't not see it. He couldn't not remember and he couldn't do anything to ease the horrid sense of shame and dejection that was tearing his heart to shreds.

By the time Gon made it to the bottom of the stairwell, Killua had already turned the corner and disappeared into the night.