Thanks to ItsJustBecca, Sanchezashley, YaleAceBella12, Pharmergirl, seleneplaysgames, decadenceofmysoul, lureiel, Mercy156, JamieReagan, and Daisyangel for your reviews of the last chapter. JamieReagan thank you so much for your dedication, I deeply appreciate it. Thanks to everyone else for reading.

Chapter 70: It Hurts

Once Anna was settled on the couch, her symptoms of seasickness started to abate. "How about some water and crackers?" Jamie suggested gently. Anna nodded and Jamie brought her some. It took a bit longer for her symptoms to completely abate and when they did, she muted the rerun they were watching. Jamie turned to look at her as she took a deep breath. Anna shifted on the couch to look at him, mirroring the position she had taken with her mother only a few days before except that this time she pulled her knee up to her chest and rested her chin on that knee. "Uncle Jamie, I know this is none of my business and that you are well within your right to tell me to shut up and stay out of it, but I want to ask you something," Anna said.

"I don't think I've ever told you to shut up and stay out of something. I think the farthest I've gone is to tell you to leave it alone," Jamie answered, watching her carefully. She clearly wanted to know something sensitive, something she thought he wouldn't tell her, but there was little that he wouldn't tell her without good reason.

"Right, well, it still goes. I know it's a touchy subject."

"Okay, what is it?"

Anna bit down on her lip, too nervous. Jamie waited patiently, knowing her curiosity would get the best of her. Finally it did. "Why'd it have to be Vinny?" Anna said.

"What?" Jamie asked a dark cloud passing over his face.

"Vinny. Why'd he have to die? It was a Sunday; you were supposed to be off. Why'd you have to go in? Why'd Vinny have to get shot?"

Jamie could hear the emotion in her voice and felt bad for not going through it with her sooner, especially after he had seen the video making its rounds. "Some—I—We both volunteered for an extra shift. We knew that tensions were running high at the Bitterman Houses so we thought a police presence would help diffuse things. There was no way we could have seen that trap coming. No way to even suspect it. Granted, we were told that we shouldn't enter the houses without backup—"

"Then why did you?"

"It was a decision made in the heat of the moment. We had the guy and waiting for backup would have taken too long. Sometimes it really is a no-win situation."

"But you're good at your job. Really good. How did you or Vinny not see it was a set up?"

"Anna." Jamie stopped and looked down at his hands. His fingers were intertwined and he wasn't sure what to say to her. He knew what the patrol guide said about discussing cases with family, and what Danny would have told her, but growing up hearing stories of police work, he knew that sometimes the best thing was to hear the truth. Jamie also remembered how Anna reacted to previous police deaths and knew straight up truth was better than keeping her in the dark. "We suspected something but before we could leave they opened fire. I did everything I could to cover him and keep myself safe. Sometimes good cops just get the short straw."

"You should have tried harder, you have stopped, you—you—" Anna stopped her and her face scrunched up. Instantly Jamie knew tears were imminent. He shifted uncomfortably. He hated when she cried. Most of the time it made his heart shatter into pieces, especially if he made it happen.

"There was nothing I could have done. If I hadn't gone in with him, Vinny would have gone in without me. At least he didn't die alone," Jamie tried to placate her.

Anna's shoulders slumped and her face evened out. Jamie's cop instincts flared up. Something was going on as she no longer looked ready to cry. "Do you actually believe everything you just said or are you just saying it to make me feel better?" she asked plainly. There wasn't a trace of tears anywhere in her eyes.

"Why wouldn't I believe it?" Jamie asked confused.

"If you don't believe it, why should I?" Anna asked. "Your voice says you believe that you did everything you could to protect your partner, and that it's not your fault but your eyes say that you're still feeling survivor's guilt and nothing can change it."

"This was your plan all along, wasn't it? Play sick out there so I'd feel sorry for you then you could get me in here to talk?" Jamie snapped. The instant he said it, her regretted it. This was Anna they were talking about. She wasn't the one to do something like that.

Anna really didn't want to push it, she loved her uncle and he was clearly still upset about Vinny's death, but her Reagan temper took over. "I get it that you're still grieving for Vinny, but you don't have to take it out on me. I was hoping to spend my vacay with my brothers and cousin, not on a couch feeling sick to my stomach. I'll go upstairs and lay down since you don't want me around. However know this, it is possible to make no mistakes and still lose. That's life." Anna jumped up and was struck by a wave of nausea. She wavered a bit and felt Jamie in front of her.

"Sit down," he said gently. Then to make sure, he guided her back onto the couch.

"I'm fine, just some vertigo." She waved him off but didn't get back up.

Jamie sighed and knelt in front of her, keeping one hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry, you're just trying to help and I wasn't expecting it. You're right. I know that we did everything we could but like you said, why him? I keep asking myself that. I don't like the answers."

"Me either. Bad things happen to good people. That's the only answer I keep getting."

"Me too. I'm sorry I yelled and I'm sorry that we couldn't go through this sooner. I know it hurts. I also know that there is nothing I can say or do to make this easier on you. Everyone has to grieve and come to terms with this on their own. I can be here for you lean on, but I can't fix it."

"I'm not asking you to. I know that I have to find it within myself to understand this and move on." Anna stopped and stared at her uncle who pulled her into his arms. Anna relished the hug. It really helped her feel better. "Uncle Jamie," she said, pulling back slightly, "will you talk to Dad or Grampa about this? I know it's shaken you and you're lost. It happens and—I'm overstepping, aren't I?"

"No, I want to hear your point of view."

She sized him up and realized he was telling the truth. "Well, it's just that you can hardly be the first Reagan to lose a partner on the job, so I'm sure that whoever you do talk to can help."

"Sure," Jamie agreed.

They went back to watching reruns and Jamie texted Linda to let her know Anna was feeling better. After lunch, Jamie took Anna into town to get Dramamine and then they spent time on the beach. The boat rolled back in as Anna and Jamie finished drying off from playing in the water. Jamie went to help the family as Anna picked up their stuff on the beach. When Jack and Sean caught up with her, they started talking about all the fish they caught, as they had gone fishing, then did a little swimming and how they had missed her being there. As they walked back to the main house, Linda caught up to them.

"How are you feeling?" Linda asked. She wrapped her arm around her daughter and touched her forehead. She didn't feel any fever and her daughter looked better.

"Good," Anna answered, leaning against her mother.

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"Grandpa says that we can have the fish we caught for dinner and tomorrow we're talking Pops to our best and secret spot for crabbing," Jack said, drawing Anna's attention back to the boys.

Anna huffed and looked up at her mom. "Don't worry, I have chicken for you," Linda answered.

"Love you, Mommy." Anna smiled.

"Love you, too," Linda said. "How was your day with your uncle?"

"A little rocky at first, but I think it went well."

"What did you do?"

"We talked then we watched TV and played on the beach."

"What'd you talk about?" Sean asked.

"Nothing really," Anna answered dismissively.

"You're really not going to tell us?" Sean asked. Anna shook her head.

"You're so not cool," Jack said.

"I am the epitome of cool. And next year you'll realize that. Oh, gosh, does he really have to go to school with me this year, Mama?"

"Sorry sweetie, but it's only for a year," Linda said.

Anna frowned. She had enjoyed the last five years of not going to school with her little brothers and it was a shame it had to come to an end. "I guess."

The following morning, Anna was awoken by someone rubbing her shoulder. She yawned as she opened her eyes to see her dad perched on the edge of her bed, his hand resting on her shoulder. "Morning," he said. "Come on, you and me are going to do a little fishing."

"Can't it wait until a reasonable hour?" Anna asked. She was too far asleep to remember that he hated fishing and his attention span was too short to let her enjoy fishing.

"I want to get going before your brothers get up or they'll want to come too."

"What about after they go crabbing?"

"I'm going with them then." Danny smiled softly. Anna blinked up at him. She really wanted to go back to sleep but knew that Danny wanted to spend time with her and that should be enough to get her out of bed.

"Oh, okay."

"Make sure you take this too, can't have you getting sick on me." Danny tapped the bedside table and Anna saw Dramamine.

"Okay."

"No falling back asleep, Anna, let's go." Soon they were on their way down to the boat dock with poles, bait, and a few snacks. Anna cast her line out then sat down on the dock her legs dangling over the edge though she was too short to actually reach the water, then laid her pole next to her. Danny sat down next to choosing to prop his pole behind the cooler as they watched the bobbers float. He sat a bit further back since his legs were longer but they too didn't touch the water. "So...um...how'd your talk with Jamie go yesterday?" Danny asked, hoping that was a good topic to start with.

"Fine," she shrugged.

"Just fine?"

"Yeah."

"I know that we don't hang out a lot and you kinda prefer it that way but uh...you know you can tell me anything."

"I know."

Danny waited but she didn't go on. "And you know that no matter what, I love you."

"I know," she answered again.

Danny took a deep breath to steady his nerves. She wasn't making this easy on him. He wanted to be involved in his daughter's life, know what was going on, and make sure there was nothing to be worried about. She, however, didn't seem to want to share anything with him. "I know there are things that you don't want to tell me because of the way I might react and things that you prefer to tell your mother, I just want you to know I'm here to listen and will do my best not to judge."

"I know."

Danny finally sighed knowing she wasn't going to talk. He couldn't help if he didn't know what was going on. It was driving the detective in him crazy that she was the one person he couldn't figure out. He didn't want to give up but he wasn't sure how far to push it. Usually when he couldn't figure a suspect out he'd push until he got what he was looking for but it in this case the one difference was that if he kept pushing he was bound to drive her away and he really didn't want to do that so he'd back off and give her some space. She'd come back to him if she needed him. His best chance to cool things off was go superficial. "How about those Mets?"

Anna stopped staring at her bobber and full on looked at her dad. "Really?" she asked in disbelief.

"Superficial seems to work for us."

She blinked at him. She couldn't believe that he wouldn't try pushing any further. "You know, you never actually apologized for punishing me. You said you were sorry for not giving me a chance to explain, but not for punishing me. So, are you?"

"Sorry for punishing you?" he questioned.

"Yeah, after you learned the truth?"

"Yes, I regretted it."

"That's not what I asked. I asked for you to put aside your pride and apologize for punishing me."

Danny observed his daughter and realized she was still bothered by it. "I apologize, I should have made you explain then I wouldn't have punished you. I admit I was—" Danny paused, the word stuck in his throat. "I was wrong."

"Thank you. Now as for what you want, it was a little rocky, my talk with Uncle Jamie. He said that I faked being sick to get him to talk but eventually we agreed that as crappy as it was that Vinny died by a set-up, it's part of life and sometimes we can't control why bad things happen to good people."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Have you ever lost a partner on the job? Like lost, lost?"

"Yes, both as a Marine and a cop. I know I don't show it but it does hurt and it takes time to move past it. I don't think I've ever been able to feel better about losing someone but I got closure. When we catch the guy who kills them or solve the case it helps."

"I know you don't like to talk about your feelings and all but will you talk to Uncle Jamie? About all this? I don't think he's coping well."

"I'll try."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"Thanks."

"Do you want to talk about it? I know that even if you don't feel like you were that close, you were close to Vinny. I know you're hurting. Or you can tell me about college."

"Yes, it hurts but I'm dealing with it." Anna looked back at her bobber and Danny watched her carefully. "Do I have to go to college?" she asked softly.

"I would never force you, but waitressing can't pay all of your bills."

"Would you kick me out if I didn't go?"

"No. And neither would your mom. She'd be disappointed but she wouldn't kick you out. I'll talk to her."

"What if it was the reverse?"

"I don't think there's a reverse to that."

"If I went to college, would you be disappointed that I wasn't immediately joining the family business?"

"I think that goes back to what you said a few years ago, have to have at least two years of college and you have to be 22. Last time I checked you're disqualified on both. And don't even ask me about the Marines."

"Don't think I could do it?"

"It's not about that and you know it." Danny sighed. "I think you could be a Marine but I think it would wear you down. You have such a great outlook that seeing the darkness that being a Marine entails would drag you down. I don't want that for you. Being a cop ... If you go to college or sometime over the next four years you'll see things and you'll be better for them. I've wanted to be a cop since I was a kid, but my first case where I saw a dead body, I wasn't ready for it. Not even with what I had seen overseas." He reached over and rested a hand on her shoulder. "I don't want to see you get hurt by this. I watched that happen to both of my brothers and I couldn't stop it. I don't want to see you go through it too."

"And if I want to?"

"If you want to or if you want to go to college out of state—" Danny stopped. Eventually she looked up at him. "Anna, no matter what you do, your mom and I are going to support you. We want—need you to be happy. I won't lie, it'll be hard with you in another state, or to watch you get hurt, but if you feel like it's your best shot, we'll both tell you to take it."

"You mean that?" She looked at him closely. She didn't want to see too excited but she needed to know he wouldn't lie to her.

"Of course I do. It'll be hard for us and your mom will probably try to stop you, but we'll figure it out and I'll take care of your mom." She could tell he wasn't just trying to placate her.

"Thanks, Dad. Looks like you've got something there," she said as his bobber dipped under the water. Danny smirked and picked up his fishing pole. They went back to fishing in the quiet.

As they walked back to the house when the sun was fully in the sky, Danny wrapped an arm around her. "Sorry, I haven't really been around. Between work, the boys, and your mom, you get the short end of the stick and you shouldn't. I'll try to do better."

Anna stopped and looked at him. She opened her mouth and Danny looked at her curiously. She shook her head and closed her mouth again. Then she finally said, "Sometimes I want to tell you something but I'm afraid that you'll be so disappointed in me."

Danny stopped and put down the cooler and fishing poles. He turned to her, cupping her cheeks in both his hands to force her to look up at him. "You should never be afraid to tell me anything. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like that. I want you to tell me, despite how you think I'll react. I'll do my best to not be disappointed in what you tell me because you have the courage to tell me."

"You mean that?"

"Yes."

"Thank you. You're right. I was hurt by losing Vinny and knowing you got the guy to an extent, it helped but it still hurts. I know that you can't make that go away and it'll take time to get through it, but having people there that know what happened and are hurt by it too, it helps. A little at least." Anna shrugged. Danny pulled her into a hug and held her close.