Thanks to decadenceofmysoul, roganjalex, YalAceBella12, Taylor Noelle Hood, Daisyangel, and the guest, Coco, for your reviews of the last chapter. So more Anna and Jamie and Anna and Jim in this chapter and of course the explanation of how Wilder affects Anna.
References to 6x20
Anna plopped down on the back steps and soon was joined by Jamie. "He's not mad," Jamie said, referring, of course, to Danny who had just basically accused her of making terrible decisions regarding her car and in this case the motorcycle she had borrowed.
"Yes, he is. He's been constantly mad at me for the past two years." Anna sighed. "But I guess I can take mad over disappointed."
"He's not mad, Anna, he's just worried. He knows that you're not a little kid anymore and that you can take care of yourself, it's just—"
"Just nothing, Uncle Jamie, I'm a big girl. I can handle myself."
"I know that," Danny said from behind her. "We all know that." Anna refused to look up at him so he sat down next to her, wrapping an arm around her. "I'm ... sorry making you think that was more than a question or that I was doubting your decisions. It's hard being the dad of a beautiful daughter. I look at you and I still see that six-year-old little girl in a pretty, pink, princess dress, thrilled 'cause I'm off early to play with her." Anna sighed heavily. "But at the same time, I look at you and see a confident, strong, and stubborn 19-year-old who can make it on her own without her dad. The six-year-old version of you needs a guiding hand and by the time I remember you're not actually six, I've already said something stupid I can't take back. A father's worst nightmare is his kid getting hurt and knowing he couldn't stop it. I went through that with Sean and almost went through that with you and that substitute teacher. I know you can make your own decisions but I don't like knowing you don't want my input. Sometimes, I wish I could wrap you in bubble wrap and other days, I know how far you'd go to rebel against that."
"Dad," Anna sighed. If she thought about that explanation long and hard enough, she'd realize he had kinda apologized for saying what he had about her going to Miami and it would explain why he had reacted the way he had when she had moved, but it felt less like an apology and more like he was just trying to calm the waters between them.
"I know, I can't, but … you'll understand when you're a parent."
So, Anna changed the subject. "What do you think Mom will say about the bike?" she asked.
"That you're not putting either of her babies on it," Danny answered.
Anna grinned. "That's the first thing they'll ask."
"But as long as you have a spare helmet and your mother never finds out, once around the block is fine with me."
"Thanks, Dad."
Jamie got up and went inside. "Now tell me about this boy," Danny told her.
"What boy?" Anna asked, looking at him bewildered. She searched her memory for any mention of a boy that she had mentioned to him but couldn't find one.
"The one you went to see."
Henry must have outed her, telling him about Jim. "He's just an old friend."
"You know I get paid to tell when people are lying to me."
"I'm not lying, Dad, he really is just an old friend." Her poker face was just as good as his was and he really couldn't tell if she was lying.
"Do I know him?"
"A bit. You guys have met a few times but it's been years since you've seen him last. He's just a friend. It's no big deal."
"No big deal?"
"None," Anna said. As she lay in bed that night, she finally checked her email and noticed one from the search site telling her about an article about her father and a guy by the name of Thomas Wilder. That name sounded familiar so she looked further into it, searching for his name. The more she looked into it the sicker she felt. The guy was a true nutcase and Anna was glad her dad had finally taken him down. That was until she reached an article on Wilder's last victim. That's when she realized how she knew that name. Thomas Wilder was the one who had kidnapped Nicky back in April. Suddenly all sleep left her mind and she continued to search, gathering all the info she could on the last part of the case. There wasn't a whole lot but there was enough to make her feel guilty about not being here. Especially when she remembered that she should have been in New York that weekend but her classes and that game had kept her in Miami.
Tuesday, she texted Nicky and the girl agreed to meet her for ice cream after her last class. They sat down at the ice cream parlor and soon both were enjoying sundaes. "Okay, I love that you're in town and you want to spend time with me, but you didn't come all the way up here to have ice cream with me," Nicky said.
"And if I did?" Suddenly Nicky looked unsure of herself. Anna tried not to roll her eyes. "I didn't. I just wanted to see my little cousin."
"You're only a month older than me and I'm your only cousin on this side."
"I want to say I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"Thomas Wilder."
"That's not your fault."
"Maybe not completely but partially. I read up on the case, his M.O., and everything Dad said to him in the press. If I had been here—" Anna started.
"Then it would have been you he would have come after and I know you would have preferred that to me dealing with it but I wouldn't have. You think because you're the oldest, you have to protect everyone, Mom says you get that from Uncle Danny, but I can deal with this stuff too. I am one month younger than you. The protection attitude is fine for Jack and Sean but I'm just as strong as you are."
"But he's my father, that would have and should have made this my problem, but I was safe and sound in Miami. You dealt with the fallout because of that."
"And I'm dealing with what happened. He didn't hurt me, not really, and I know that things like this happen and you can't protect me from everything no matter how hard you try. Which is exactly what you'd tell Uncle Danny if you and he were having this conversation and you were in my shoes."
Her cousin had a point. If Anna had been in Nicky's shoes and Wilder had taken her, she'd be stressed about it and Danny would be blaming himself for what happened and she'd tell him nearly word-for-word what Nicky had told her. There was only one difference here. "But I could have protected you from this." If she had just been there, it wouldn't have been Nicky Wilder had gone after and Nicky wouldn't have suffered. Not that Anna wanted to suffer, she just didn't like knowing that her cousin had needlessly.
Nicky put down her spoon and stared at her cousin. "Anna, I don't blame you. It's not your fault. Again, I love you and it's really hard thinking about all he could have done and me falling for the stupid cop routine but I'm working through that. I'm dealing with a few cuts and bruises and some nightmares but no lasting trauma."
"That only makes this a little better."
"How can I get you—help you understand there's nothing you can do to change it and that I don't blame you?"
Anna rested her chin on her wrists as she dangled her spoon over the melting bowl of ice cream. She observed her cousin for a bit then shrugged. "I don't know that you can. See, I get it up here"—Anna tapped the side of her head—"it's just believing it in here"—she motioned to her heart—"that isn't quite working."
"I wish I knew what else to say, Anna."
"Me too, Nicky, me too."
"Just know that I don't blame you or Uncle Danny." Anna gave Nicky a smile then they both looked at Nicky's phone as it lit up. "It's nothing," Nicky said before Anna could ask. "And if you're having dinner with your parents tonight, you should get going. Staten Island is a long drive."
The two girls hugged then Anna headed off. She reached the house to find that her parents weren't home but the boys were. When she found out that her mom wouldn't be home for another 45 minutes, she grinned at her brothers who were instantly suspicious. "Who wants a ride?" she asked, motioning to the window where both boys could see the bike parked. They both looked at her wide-eyed. "Reagan sibling swear not to tell Mom and I'll give you each a ride."
"What about Dad?" Sean asked.
"He already knows. He saw the bike last night at Grampa's and said as long as I had an extra helmet and Mom never finds out then once around the block was fine." After taking both boys around the block they returned inside the house where Jack helped her make dinner and Sean set the table.
After dinner, the boys went upstairs and Linda checked her email. Anna sat at the far end of the table as Danny finished loading the dishes into the dishwasher. Then he sat down next to his wife. Anna didn't pay attention to them but knew they were talking about something serious. Danny stood up from the couch and walked over to the table sitting down next to her. He pulled her chair back from the table and turned her to look at him.
"I'm okay, Dad," she said.
"I know but you look like you're deep in thought. Anything you want to talk about? I'm really good at figuring things out. Kinda my job."
Even though she was pretty sure he was still angry about her choice to go to Miami, despite that being two years prior, she knew that he would always try to help her if she needed it. It was one of the best things about her dad and his family first motto. "I don't know how to say it." Anna sighed and looked down at her hands as she tried to put her feelings into words. "Has there ever been a time when Aunt Erin, Uncle Joe, or Uncle Jamie had been in trouble and you didn't know about it until after it was over but had you been there it would have been you in trouble instead?" Anna looked up at him to gauge his reaction when he didn't say anything. Danny was watching her, looking confused. "That didn't make any sense, did it?" Danny shook his head. Anna sighed unsure how to explain it better than she had without freaking him out. "Dad, I love you. I really do and I don't want to blame you for anything. Just try to hear me out before feeling guilty or interrupting me. Please."
"Okay, Danny said, nodding.
"I can understand why you didn't tell me, you didn't want to worry me, and you were busy and wanted to protect me from him. Ever since I moved to Miami, I set up a search alert on you and Uncle Jamie. There's a tool on the search site that if I type "Danny Reagan, NYPD", I can get alerts when new results are posted. I get an email every day about the results. Anyway, I've been studying for exams for the past three weeks and I haven't been checking these results. I checked them last night. I knew you just wanted to protect me and that's why you didn't tell me about Thomas Wilder."
"I was working the case and we didn't have intel that he was leaving New York."
"I know and at the same time, you still sent the feds after me when I didn't answer the phone," Anna snapped. "Anyway, I knew that you had worked the case earlier this year but I never realized he had resurfaced and that he threatened you three weeks ago. Well, I knew he had resurfaced and that he had taken Nicky, but not that he had threatened you. I also didn't know his M.O. As your daughter, I knew that me and Mom and Jack and Sean were always going to be in more danger than the rest of your family because we were closer. I should have been here. Was going to be here, Detective Baker called to invite me to the unveiling, Grampa did too, but the timing sucked. Still, I'm your daughter. Me. He would have come after me and Nicky wouldn't have been so—ever put in that position. She's your niece and that should have offered her more protection from the dangers of your job."
Danny stared at his daughter, stunned. He knew that she was always big on protecting people, she hadn't left Sean's side when he had been in the hospital a few years back or her mom's a year ago and was always protecting her brothers, but he never knew it ran so deep as to blame herself for something she couldn't change. He briefly wondered where that came from before he remembered what people had always said about him and how protective he was of her and the rest of his family. Maybe she was just like him. "Did you talk to Nicky about all of this?" Danny asked gently.
"She doesn't blame me, or you. She says we can't change what's already happened."
"And you understand that?"
"Up here"—Anna tapped her head—"but not in here." Anna tapped her heart. "It isn't my fault and I didn't do anything wrong, nor did you, but part of me feels like—No, part of me knows that if I had been here, she wouldn't have faced that and I don't know how to live with that."
"How can I help?" Danny asked.
Then she said the one thing he didn't want to hear. "I don't know," Anna told him.
His heart dropped. If she didn't know how he could help then he wasn't sure how to help either. Maybe he could let her in on how he was feeling after everything. "Do I feel guilty that my words to Wilder may have triggered him to come offer Nicky? Yes, I do. Would I have preferred that he come after you instead of Nicky? No," Danny said. "I'm glad I didn't have to choose between you and Nicky. It's not a choice I can make." Danny reached over and took her hand.
"How do you deal with the guilt?"
"By reminding myself that you and Nicky are ok. That he didn't really hurt Nicky and that the two of you will never, ever have to deal with him again."
Anna bit her lip and stared at her lap. "So, I should just focus on the fact that she's okay and that it can't be changed now?"
"If it's the only thing that helps." Danny lifted her chin so he could see if he had gotten through to her. She nodded. He pulled her up out of her chair and into his arms.
"Is that why you hugged me so tight the other night? To make sure it was okay and that I hadn't come across him?" Anna asked.
"Yes." Danny held her close, running his hand through her hair. "I know what I said about him not leaving New York but I'm your dad."
After her parents went to bed that night, Anna left the house and went for a drive. She eventually found herself in Brooklyn. She drove around for a while, loving the feeling of the wind whipping past her. After circling the same block more than once, she parked her bike then made her way inside thanks to the key he had given her. She made her way up to the third floor and knocked on the door. She texted her dad to let him know she was safe and knew Frank thought she had stayed with her parents. She had every intention of doing that up until her dad had gotten her to talk. After that she just had to get out. The door opened and Jim smiled.
"I know it's late but can I come in?" Anna asked.
"Always. It's not often I see you twice in two days. Everything all right?" He stepped back out of the doorway and Anna walked inside.
"No. Did—Don't you have to work tomorrow?"
"No, I was just going to see my nephew."
Once she knew that she walked over to his couch and sat down. Jim followed shortly. "Oh, okay. Did you hear about Thomas Wilder?"
"He was in the newspapers a few weeks back. Your dad was on the case."
"He kidnapped my cousin Nicky."
"To get at your dad?"
"Yeah."
"And now you feel guilty. He's your dad; it should have been your problem. Let me ask you this, was Nicky hurt?"
"Not really. I think he tied her up and smacked her but that was it."
Jim reached over and took her hand. He gave it a gentle squeeze causing her to look up at him. "Now, if this creep had come after you to get back at your dad do you think that he would have let you off so lightly? Or would he have seriously tortured you?"
She stared at him shocked. "Why would you say that?"
Jim frowned. "I've seen the pictures of some of the things he did. This guy got off on torture and the fact that you're Danny's daughter … that could have pushed him over the edge. Think about it. Instead of just being bait to lure your dad out, you could have been his next victim."
"Never thought of it that way."
"And you shouldn't have to. I am glad, however, that you're both okay."
"Thanks, Jim."
They curled up together on the couch and fell asleep. When Anna woke the next morning there was a note that reminded her to eat a good breakfast and that he was looking forward to seeing her at dinner. Anna had a bowl of cereal then took a long hot shower before heading over to Jamie's. Once there he asked about going to the gun range then they had lunch and walked around town for a while. Soon they went back to Jamie's so Anna could head home and change before meeting Jim for dinner.
"Uncle Jamie, do you think I should have stayed here for school?" she asked as she got ready to leave.
"I think you could have done it, but you wouldn't have been happy about it. You were feeling boxed in and closed off. I think that would have led to something dangerously illegal and it wouldn't end well. You pretty much said it when you told us you were leaving: New York was getting too small and you needed something more."
"Thanks, Uncle Jamie."
"Don't be late."
When Anna arrived at the diner Jim was waiting with his hands in his pockets. "Did I make you wait?" she asked.
"Not long. Are you feeling better?" Jim asked.
"Yeah," Anna said. The hostess led them to a table on the patio. After they ordered and while they ate, they talked sports, weather, EMS, Miami PD and Anna's chances at making it. Halfway through the meal, Anna looked out and saw Nicky strolling by. "Hey, Nicky," Anna called.
Nicky stopped and looked at Anna. "Hey."
"Nice night for a stroll. Unless it decides to rain."
"No rain here."
Anna looked from the cousin to the man across the table then back. "Nicky, you've met Jim a few times, haven't you? Nicky, Jim, Jim, Nicky."
"Why don't you guys join us?" Jim asked.
"We don't want to intrude."
"No intrusion really," Jim insisted.
Nicky and her friend came around and sat down at their table.
"So, who's your friend?" Anna asked.
"Anna, this is my boyfriend Cormac Phillips."
"Cormac, huh? Oh wait, he's the cop?" Anna asked, looking at Nicky. The younger girl rolled her eyes, but nodded.
"How'd that go over with your family?" Jim asked.
"Not well. Uncle Danny told me I shouldn't be dating him," Nicky answered.
"Because to him you shouldn't be dating at all?" Anna asked.
"Exactly. But it went better than it will if you introduce them to Jim." Nicky smirked.
"Dad and Uncle Jamie have already met Jim. They just haven't put two and two together yet."
"What's that mean?" Cormac asked.
"He's a um—the feelings are there the time is not," Anna said.
"You met his family?" Nicky asked.
"As a waitress," Jim answered for her, "my dad told me if she was NYPD, I'd never have kids and my mom told me never date a girl who carried a gun."
"They don't know how well you shoot, do they?" Nicky asked.
"Nope. Hadn't planned on telling them either," Anna said.
So there's that. What do you think? Danny kinda apologize there but I'm not sure it's exactly enough to smooth things out completely.