Disenchantment Sagas Chapter 49 – Gentle Giantess Part 1

Koga was fast asleep in his bed in the middle of the night. His snoring was loud enough to be heard through the doors and even echoed down the hall slightly. A few knights entered the room, Sir Mortimer and Sir Edger. Sir Mortimer was a long-faced, brown-haired knight, and Sir Edger was a slim, black-haired knight. Sir Mortimer looked over at Koga and said. "Sir Knight Koga is here? I thought he left with Sir Pendergast and the others. Isn't he second in command?" he asked Sir Edger. Sir Edger would shrug, "I don't believe he was around when Princess Tiabeanie sent Pendergast and the others out."

"What did she send them out for again?" Edger asked.

"Something to do about that Elfo, apparently," Mortimer replied. "Something about his girlfriend? She's huge from what I've heard."

"A small elf and a big girl? How does that work?"

"Well, anything's possible if you have enough love," said Mortimer.

"Oh, that's cliché, Sir Mortimer," Edger would chuckle. "I'm also surprised Koga wasn't told to go."

Sir Mortimer would scoff. "Well, Koga is one of the princess's favourites. If you know what I mean," He nudges Sir Edger. "I heard during the party the princes held that she took him off to somewhere more private." He smirked.

"Is that so? My goodness, I had no idea that Sir Koga-"

Koga would suddenly lay up from his bed, causing the two knights to jump in surprise. Koga's hair was a mess, and it covered his face. Mortimer and Edger looked terrified. "S-Sir K-Knight Koga, we were just-we didn't mean to-" Edger stuttered.

Koga would let out a big yawn before scratching the back of his head. "I'm not a knight…" He said tiredly. "And you two dumbasses woke me up with your yammering…" He reaches under his bed, pulls out a comb, and tends his unkempt hair. "What was that about Pendergast and the others?"

"Oh, well, they've just returned, captain!" said Mortimer. "Pendergast and the others were sent on a crusade to find Elfo's girlfriend!"

Koga paused his combing. "To find Elfo's girlfriend?" He repeated, confused. "Wait, when did Elfo get a girlfriend?"

"We were just as surprised as you! She's a giant, too!" said Edger. "Not in the way of being fat or anything. She's an actual giant!"

"That makes no sense whatsoever," said Koga, getting up from his bed and walking to the door. He shoves aside the knights and walks out of the room. "I'm starving…" Koga strolls down the stone hallways, still feeling sleepy. The only thing that was on his mind was food, causing his mind to be distracted. "Ham…ham…chicken…" He kept repeating over and over till-"WHOA!" He slips and falls on his back. "Ow…."

"I tried to warn you, but it was too late…" said Miri. "Hi, Koga."

"Hi Miri…" said Koga.

"Did you see the giant lady that the knights brought back?"

"You mean Elfo's supposed giant girlfriend?" Koga replied as he got to his feet. "No, I haven't."

"Giant girlfriend?" Miri repeated, stunned. "Wait, Elfo has a girlfriend?"

"I guess? I don't know. I'm too lazy to ask anyone else. I'm hungry, and now my back is slightly wet."

"I can go sneak in some food from the kitchens If you share some of your pudding with me,"

"Wait, wouldn't they see you though?"

Miri squints her eyes at Koga.

Koga stared down at Miri before suddenly realizing, "Oooooh, right…right…" he rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. "Well, in that case, deal!" Koga nods as he shakes hands with Miri.

The two would head down the stone halls. Koga would get a sudden whiff of a smell in his nose. "Whoa..hold on…" Koga would sniff the air. "I smell…something…cheesey…" Koga would detour from their current path to follow the smell, and Miri followed along.

The smell Koga had followed led him to a giant cheese wheel that two guards were standing in front of. "What the hell? Why is there a giant wheel of cheese in front of a room?" He asked, astonished at the giant cheese wheel.

"This is the royal cheese cave, Sir Koga," said One of the guards.

"I'm surprised you've never seen it before," said Miri. "You have one sensitive nose…"

"Well, I guess I never smelled it because of Elfo's stinky ass…" said Koga.

"AHHHHH!" screamed Elfo from in the room.

"Speaking of which, I can hear him now,"

"OH GOD! AHHHHHHHH!"

"I think that is him," said Miri.

"NO NO! PLEASE WAIT! AHHHH!"

"Elfo Is currently inside the cheese room having intimacy with his giant girlfriend," said The guard.

"RAAAAAAAHH!" said The giant woman.

"PLEASE NOOO!" Elfo cried.

"Sounds like Elfo is a power bottom," said Koga.

"Sure, if you enjoyed being crushed by a big lady," said Miri.

"Hey, I don't kink shame…" Koga replied.

"DON'T EAAAT MEEE! AHHHH!"

"Ok…I'm starting to think sex isn't happening in there," Koga walked over to the giant cheese wheel and pushed aside the guards. "Move it you scrawny jackasses." He grabs the cheese wheel with one hand and effortlessly moves it to the side.

Koga and Miri looked into the cheese room and saw a giant woman with long, messy red hair, an eyepatch on her left eye, and a tattered green tunic chase Elfo around the room. Elfo looked over at Koga, and a big smile appeared. "KOGA! OH THANK GOD!" He runs over to him and hugs his leg. His eyes widen. "I-I mean-KOGA! What are you doing? Don't you know how to knock? My girlfriend and I are in the middle of something right now!"

Koga looked from Elfo to the giant red-headed woman. Koga recognized her instantly once he had a good look at her. "Tess?"

"RAHGA?" She replied with a strained voice.

Elfo looked from Tess to Koga. "Wait, you two know each other?"

"Remember when I first came to Dreamland, and I told you a giant lady with red hair and an eyepatch saved me? She's the one who did it!"

"Oh..Uh…wow, I didn't know you knew my girlfriend, hahaha…small world, huh?" said Elfo nervously as he twiddled his thumbs.

Tess was trying her best to speak to Koga. But it was just a bunch of incoherent grunting. Koga tilted his head slightly and formed a puzzled expression. "is there something in your throat?" He asked. Tess nodded frantically. Koga took a few steps back, leapt toward Tess and kicked her in the stomach. Tess coughed up a horse that stuck in her throat, and it wildly ran around the room before exiting the cheese cave.

"Ow, son of a bitch!" Tess groaned as she held her stomach. "A warning would've been nice!" She glared at Koga.

Koga chuckled. "Sorry about that,"

"UGH! My mouth tastes like a barn!" Tess spits on the ground and clicks her tongue. "That horse was stuck in my mouth for days!"

"W-Wait…you can talk?" said Elfo, frightened.

"Yes, I can talk, you little shit!" Tess yelled at Elfo, which caused him to hide behind Koga's legs.

Koga would turn to look at Elfo. "Ok…you got some explaining to do, Elfo. I know that Tess has a boyfriend, but it's not you. So what's going on?"

Elfo looked at Tess, Koga and Miri and couldn't take it. "OK OK! I LIED! I LIED ABOUT EVERYTHING! BEAN, LUCI AND I GOT DRUNK, AND WE PASSED OUT ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD, AND WE WOKE UP IN THE PLAGUE PIT, AND IT WAS GETTING SET ON FIRE, AND WE WERE ALL PANICKING AND BEAN WAS GOING ON ABOUT HOW SHE HASN'T EXPERIENCED BLISS, AND I WAS LIKE "It's not too late bean!" AND I TRIED TO LEAN IN AND KISS HER, AND SHE WAS LIKE, "Oh, you meant bliss, the feeling!" AND WHAT SHE MEANT WAS THE DEN OF WONDERS WHERE YOU CAN GO AND GET HIGH! SO AFTER THAT, WE GOT OUT OF THE PLAGUE PIT BECAUSE THERE WAS A LADDER THAT THAT A-HOLE LUCI DIDN'T MENTION, AND WE WENT TO THE DEN OF WONDERS-LUCI KEPT PICKING ON ME ABOUT LIKING BEAN. STILL, I KEPT DENYING IT, BUT I DO LIKE BEAN A LOT. I DIDN'T WANT TO ADMIT IT, SO I LIED ABOUT HAVING A GIRLFRIEND AND THEN WE GOT HIGH. WE HULLICINATED ME GOING INTO FEELINGS, AND WE SAW TESS COME OUT OF A CLAMSHELL AND BEAN WAS DETERMINED TO FIND HER SO SHE CAN BE WITH ME BUT TESS ISN'T MY GIRLFRIEND, THIS IS ALL A BIG LIE, AND I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO LOOK LIKE A LOOOOOOOSEEEEEEER!" Elfo let out a big gasp before he passed out on the floor flat on his back.

Koga, Miri and Tess stared at Elfo, unconscious on the stone floor. "Wow," Miri would say, astonished. "That is one hell of a summary…"

"I can't believe that tiny little body has so much oxygen," said Koga.

"Well, It was nice seeing you, Koga, but I'm out of here," said Tess as she approached the door.

"Wait, hold on, Tess," Koga stopped her. He sighed and rubbed between the bridge of his nose. "Look, this might sound crazy, but can you please stay and just go along with this."

"Excuse me, what?" She stared down at Koga. "You've got to be kidding me! I just got kidnapped by a bunch of looking knights and taken to this shabby castle against my will, IN CHAINS, and you want me to go along with this?"

"Jeez, do you have to make it sound so bad?"

"Because it is bad!"

"I know I know! Look, do me this solid: pretend to be his girlfriend for one night, and you can go,"

"Why on earth would I bother doing that?"

"Because you owe me one for saving you from those weird guys with the fancy-looking hats and curly moustaches, remember?"

Tess formed an annoyed expression, and she crossed her arms. "Oh, goddamn it…" She mumbles. "Yes, you saved me, and I owe you one, but I don't feel comfortable doing this because I am in a relationship with Bob. You know that, Koga!"

"You said you were breaking up with him," said Koga.

"W-Well…we're on a break right now…"

"So…you broken up with him?"

"NO! We're just…not seeing each other right now…we're just looking at other options…and seeing how we feel…"

"So…you two broke up…"

"UGH, forget it! Fine, I'll do it. But only so I can get out of this favour!" said Tess reluctantly.

"Thanks, Tess. It will be fun, I promise!" Koga smiled.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I need some water to wash this horse taste out of my mouth," said Tess, clicking her tongue. "Bleh!"

"Hey, dumbass's one and two!" Koga called out to the guards outside. The guards peeked their heads into the room. "Take this lovely, gentle giant to get a nice meal and some water, will you?"

"Yes sir!" said the guards. Tess would leave the room, and the guards escorted her down the halls.

"Well, that looks like my opportunity to go sneak some food. I'll see you around Koga," said Miri, leaving the room.

It was now just Koga and an unconscious Elfo. Koga looks down at Elfo and gently kicks him, causing Elfo to wake up with a jolt."AH! WHERE AM I? WHAT'S GOING ON?" He looks around the room and then looks up at Koga. "Koga? Wait, what happened to Tess?" He asked worriedly.

"She left to get some food," said Koga, crossing his arms while looking down at Koga.

"O-Oh, ok…" said Elfo, getting to his feet. He rubs his arm. "So uhh…crazy night so far, huh?"

"You know, it's amazing how the one day that I didn't go to the bar with you three, you come up with a whole lie about having a giant as your girlfriend," Koga scolded.

"Well, what am I supposed to do in that situation?!"

"Um, tell the truth?"

"Oh god no, I could never do that!"

"Oh, Jesus Christ…" Koga rolls his eyes and walks out of the room.

"W-Wait!" Elfo called out to Koga as he hurried out of the room. "What happened when I was unconscious?"

"I convinced Tess to stay and play along with the whole, you being her boyfriend thing,"

"You did?" said Elfo, surprised.

"Well, of course I did. What are friends for?"

"I…you see me as a friend?"

"Um…yes? Of course, I do,"

Elfo couldn't help but smile a bit. "Thanks Koga…" He said softly.

"No problem, Elfo," Koga replied.

"So, um…we're cool about Bean, right? I mean, you don't seem too upset about it…" Elfo asked nervously.

"Uh, I guess? What wouldn't I be cool about?"

"Um…me trying to kiss Bean?"

"Why would I care about you kissing Bean?" Koga asked, looking down at Elfo, confused.

"Aren't you two together?"

"No?"

"W-Wait, but I…I saw you two on that balcony…you were holding hands!"

"So? Friends can hold hands," said Koga.

"Oh…so there's a chance for me!" Elfo said excitedly.

And so, the lie would continue.