Chapter 16

"So, spill!" Gigi ordered, the minute the guys had left for a surf. The girls were still sitting at the breakfast table over their second cup of coffee.

"Gigi...," Rory groaned, not appreciating her sister's enthusiasm.

Rory hadn't gotten a lot of sleep last night. Logan's words had given her plenty to rewind and replay in her head over and over again. It was about finding the courage within; it was about figuring out what she really wanted out of life and whether she was willing to take chances to get it. As a mother she was supposed to put her daughter first, not jump at a whim – hence what she felt she was supposed to do and what she craved, lusted over, even were very different things. The problem was – she didn't really know whether she would know how to do this, be with Logan, in a more traditional sense, because that didn't just come with the perks, it came with everything – his job, his family, his own version of complicated. But then again, so did she.

"I confess. I blackmailed Finn into filling me in on the two of you a little more last night. I just had to know what the deal was," Gigi explained.

"Oh, I bet," Rory replied, picturing well what her sister's means had been. She liked to believe, however, that Finn had pretty much stuck to the headlines and hadn't quite spilled her secrets to Gigi.

"Well?" Gigi encouraged.

"Well…," Rory stretched the 'l'. "He's saying how he's always loved me and wants me to figure out what I want. Which is insane! You see, how insane that is - it's not just me, right?!" she added, needing someone to sympathize with her.

"Oh my…!" Gigi squealed excitedly, not really seeing what the problem was.

"And… he wants me to call Jess and tell him that he's here with me… as proof of me not wanting to hide him or whatever… But I don't even know," Rory explained, feeling incredibly conflicted. Being not just a partner but a mother, she didn't quite feel like blowing up her family if she didn't know this was going to be a safe bet. For the past 6 years, or rather the 5 before the last she'd mostly played things safe, doing mostly the opposite to what her mother had done raising her. That included the way how she'd handled her relationship. Doing what she was supposed to, had almost come easy with her daughter's wellbeing on the horizon.

"So, are you?" Gigi asked, getting right to the point.

"I…," Rory sputtered, not even knowing where to begin to explain the complexity of this. She was saved by the ring of her phone.

"I got to take this," she said, excusing herself. "Yeah?" she said to the phone.

"Oh, come on!" Gigi complained to Rory's back, disappointedly, having wanted to hear more about this.

"So, did you tell him yet?" came from the other end of the phone, Rory having already texted her mother bits and pieces of what had gone on last night.

"Oh my god!" Rory exclaimed, not believing the outrageousness of her mother. "And since when…?" Rory began, having never really trusted her mother to be very pro-Logan on this, leaving her utterly confused.

"Oh honey, no… I know better than to take sides on this," Lorelai explained, rolling her eyes. "Believe me, I've learned that the hard way," she added in a mumble.

Rory had too many other things on her mind to dwell on what her mother had meant with that despite having a few guesses that the reasons went back a long while.

"But from where I see it there are two ways to do this. Either you tell Jess and pretty much give Logan your response or you don't," Lorelai made it sound a little too simple.

"Yeah, but there isn't anything to tell. Not yet anyways," Rory argued. "And I haven't talked to Jess in weeks. He's going to know something's up, it's too…. He's going to think I'm just trying to make him jealous or something or intentionally hurt him because it's Logan," Rory said, being stuck on some flawed thinking on her part. Dealing with emotions in regard to Logan had always been hard for her, there being a lot of things she wasn't used to accounting for – like him actually having genuine feelings for her not just finding her fun and sexy.

"Well, honey, I think the first thing you need to figure out is whether there's anything there you want to salvage. I mean, sure he's Mil's dad, and that he'll always be. But you know just as well as I do, that in the case of me and your dad, at some point it was just necessary to say that we weren't right. I wanted to want him, but it just wasn't right," Lorelai offered some wisdom.

An hour later Finn and Logan had paddled out to the ocean and were just waiting for the right wave. They were realizing that it really wasn't the best weather for this - the waves being on the small side, causing them to wait longer than they anticipated. But it was no point pretending a part of this outing was just for the two of them to have a little heart-to-heart moment and unwind. As much as guys their age thought about stuff like that, anyways.

"I called Odette last night," Logan revealed. Finn hadn't even needed to ask, it had been evident that he had been curious as to what was going on, having heard bits and pieces of their fight last night.

"And?" Finn inquired expectantly.

"I told her you're marrying Rory's sister. And that she's here," Logan shared, referring to Rory.

"I thought you two didn't really talk about things like that?" Finn replied.

"Rory asked me to. She didn't want to be a secret this time," Logan explained. It was a difficult and gentle barrier to cross, truthfully, having kept things this way for a long time.

"What? So, you've like… started something?" Finn asked, being surprised himself of the suddenness of this development.

"Rory's always meant 'something' to me, Finn," Logan said. "But technically the ball is in her court," he added, trying to control his wishfulness.

"So, you're basically considering divorcing her? You actually told her that?" Finn said, knowing that wouldn't be as dramatic to Odette as it would've been to someone actually in love with the guy. But it was still about stability, about reputation and about self-worth. Truthfully, Finn found it a little surprising it was this little that had taken Logan to come to those words, considering how much he'd struggled the last time.

"Not in such words - no," Logan replied, finding that a little premature. "But she did remind me that we're on the verge of conceiving a child together and she told me to make up my mind so she knows whether to include 'mon sperme' or not," Logan added, making the key word here sound much like it would from the French-woman's mouth.

"That sounds more like the evil temptress I used to picture Odette as," Finn chuckled, having once not loved the woman nor the idea of her marrying Logan - not that he ever had much of a say in it though.

"You know she's not. And I don't even blame her. I mean, she deserves clarity," Logan explained calmly.

"Yeah, I know," Finn agreed. "So, she's thinking about going for the cocktail?" he added, making the word 'cocktail' sound a little too dirty to Logan's liking.

"I mean, we were thinking about doing that anyway. Just to be sure," Logan explained, revealing she'd been keeping to himself most of the time.

"What!? Your little swimmers are no good!?" Finn exclaimed with surprised.

"Ha-ha, Finn," Logan replied, this not exactly being a topic he was eager to speak openly about. It was also the ease of which Finn spoke about this that annoyed the hell out of him.

"Because if that's the case I'd be happy to help out. It's not like we're planning on any ankle-biters any time soon on this end," Finn commented, half-seriously but nevertheless generously.

"Oh, Finn…Shut it!" Logan laughed, finding the offer a little gross. "But I wouldn't go counting on that just yet if I were you. Gigi's awfully young," he added, teasingly, despite being certain that kids were indeed not in the near-future plans for the happy couple.

"There's no shame in it!" Finn teased, trying to assure his buddy. "And I mean at least this way you'd have some interesting traits such as my dashing looks, height and a sprinkle of freckles to explain to your relatives," he added, laughingly.

Logan let his head fall back as he laughed, not minding one bit if they missed another wave.

"Actually, it was always the plan to use a few other donors," Logan admitted.

Finn became more serious at that, realizing that they were no longer joking.

"It's not that I don't have good swimmers or plenty of them… it's just that other means haven't worked until now. I've read all sorts of scenarios, how some people just aren't a good match genetically and that's why it doesn't work the natural way. And since Odette doesn't have a lot of eggs left, now or never is becoming closer with each-month. Honestly, I don't even really care if the kid is genetically mine…," Logan replied, momentarily falling back into his former line of thinking. That was the challenge in this, wasn't it – exchanging his pretty certain future of having a child with a series of 'what ifs' with Rory.

"Are you sure you'd actually feel the same way once the child is born?" Finn asked.

Logan shrugged, not really knowing how he would feel.

"But then again there's that chance to have that same setup with the woman you'd rather be with," Finn reflected, thinking of Rory, pretending to use his arms as a scale but ended up looking more like someone doing an Egyptian dance.

"Yeah," Logan chimed slowly and skeptically, not really being ready to believe that was an actual option.

"And it'd be kind of a major leap going from where you two have been these past years to even thinking about starting a family," Finn pondered out loud, coming off surprisingly perceptive.

"No kidding," Logan chuckled, bitter sweetly, shaking his head.

But Logan knew this to be the truth - getting Rory even so far as to say the words - that she wanted him - took a lot of effort. If they did somehow manage to agree to try, there were a ton of challenges to overcome before it'd even become a topic. Especially when he considered that technically Rory already had a family. Logan didn't know how to compete with that, even if he had every intention at being better than this Jess guy was in every way humanly possible. What did he really know about parenting? Or becoming a stepdad?

"Well, if you ask me - I'd take a person who genuinely means something over some bloody dynastic plan any day. But, hey, that's just me, mate," Finn commented, just before seeing a suitable wave approaching. He began to paddle, aiming to make good use of it.

Logan followed his lead, sensing there was only so many thoughts on this he and his buddy could exchange without getting mushy, depressing or on the contrary, too hopeful. This wasn't going to be solved by talking about it when all he really needed was Rory to figure things out for herself.

Dinner that evening was spent discussing everyone's activities that day. Whether it had been sports for the two guys, or a little winery tour for the rest, which had left them at least a little jolly by the evening, overall, the conversation hadn't been very lively.

Rory and Logan kept glancing at each-other across the table, tentatively, during the entire dinner. Logan almost assumed Rory didn't have any answers for him and hence he figured it was better not to put her under any more pressure even if that meant simply starting up a conversation. Truth be told, his own conversation with Odette had left him a careful as well. There was a lot at stake, even if all that was at stake was a convenience marriage. It was still a life he'd built for himself, one of which he had worked hard for.

But it was Rory, who largely thanks to the added courage from the wine, stopped Logan before he had a chance to head back down to the pool house, giving her some space.

"Can we talk?" Rory suggested, gently catching him by his arm.

"Sure," Logan said, unable to hide the surprise in his tone. Her touch on his skin felt hot and jolted him for a second.

"Maybe we can go upstairs?" Rory withdrew her hand and offered to take this into her room, no double meaning intended, seeing Gigi and Finn head down to the pool area for a round of pool.

"Okay," Logan replied, raising his eyebrows, his tone not going unnoticed by Rory. Pretending to be up for anything was all part of his act to show how certain he was, while inside things were a lot more conflicted than that.

"Get your mind out of the gutter," Rory scolded him, trying to appear casual about it, but it was evident that this was bringing back many memories and making her nervous.

As the door to her room opened, Logan was met by a whiff of Rory's signature perfume. It took him a moment to shake off the goose bumps that that memory formed. He remained at a safe distance, however, leaning against the wall by the door, not daring to hope.

"I didn't tell Jess that you were here," Rory cut straight to the point.

"Then what are we even…," Logan began with frustration, raising his shoulders.

"But I did call him," Rory said, not meaning to give it to him in bits and dribbles.

"What? And you just decided to get back together with him? That's just great, Rory," Logan commented, unable to hide his disappointment.

"No, Logan," Rory cautioned him to keep his emotions in check. "I told him that… that we were through. And that we'd figure out things concerning Mil as time went on. I just didn't see any point in telling him right now that it was you. That would just make him angry, to think that this was just revenge talking," Rory explained.

It had been the first time Rory had spoken to Jess directly in months, catching him completely off guard. Before that it had been just texts about Mil's logistics and whatever messages they'd conveyed to each other through Lorelai and Luke.

"Okay," Logan chimed, unsure why he hadn't thought of just this scenario himself.

"Did you…?" Rory asked him, not needing to say that she was asking about Odette.

"I did," Logan replied.

"You don't sound very happy about it," Rory said, having expected him to look more cheerful as a result.

"I am, it's just messy…," Logan explained.

"What? Are you having second thoughts!?" Rory replied, becoming frustrated herself.

"No, no I'm not, but I was pretty much given the message to figure things out for myself…" Logan said, the corners of his mouth beginning to raise a little.

"Right. Well, good!" Rory replied, unsure exactly what all of it meant.

"Well, okay then," Logan concluded. "I'd love to continue this…," he said, his eyes involuntarily taking a tour towards the bed behind Rory. "But I have a conference call to make with Hamburg," Logan exhaled, regretfully. If he genuinely didn't have a prior engagement, he was certain they'd probably stand around awkwardly until either one made a move. Making a move felt more dangerous than it had ever felt before – this genuinely meant possibly getting hurt again. And it was not a scraped need kind of pain they were talking about here.

"Oh, of course," Rory said, feeling disappointed.

"Tomorrow night - I'll take you on a real date, okay?" Logan offered, trying to put on his best smug self.

It was safe to say, both were thinking that they needed to take this slow.

"Uh-huh," Rory said, swallowing hard, the prospect of actually going anywhere with him with their intentions clear like this, causing her stomach to turn from excitement. This time it wasn't just something casual, was it? They could both feel how much was at stake here.