A few weeks later.
Exterior: Konoha, streets, late morning.
As he and team 7 noticed a square rock following them, Naruto used a shadow clone disguised as Iruka to sneak up behind the box which was pulled off of the ground, revealing Konohamaru, Moegi and Udon.
Konohamaru nervously asked, "Uh, hey, Iruka Sensei.
What are you doing here?"
"No! Konohamaru, what are you doing here?" demanded the false Iruka, "The three of you are supposed to be in class!"
After letting Konohamaru stammer an excuse for about a minute, the shadow clone dropped the transformation, then dispelled.
Konohamaru looked at Naruto, "That was a cheap move,"
"It's what Iruka would've said if he were actually here," pointed out Naruto, "Go on, get back to the academy before the real Iruka shows up and drags you back by the ear.
Education's important, ya know."
Noticing the two Kunoichi, Konohamaru asked, "So, which one's your girlfriend?"
"I am one of his," interjected Haku.
"Awesome, you're way prettier than the pink one with the oversized forehead."
"You may want to run along back to class where you'll be safe from her imminent tantrum."
As the three academy students ran around the corner, Konohamaru unfortunately bumped into a man, wearing a black cat suit, a Suna headband, and purple face paint, with a large puppet wrapped up on his back, who stood next to a blonde Kunoichi with 4 pig-tails, in a white battle dress, carrying a large fan behind her back.
"Watch it, runt!" reprimanded the puppeteer as he picked Konohamaru up by the collar of his shirt.
"Kankuro! Let the kid go!" ordered the Suna Kunoichi.
"But Temari…" protested Kankuro before Konohamaru was substituted with a three-pronged kunai, the blade of which was halfway through the former's hand, making him cry out in pain.
In a flash, Naruto appeared in front of Kankuro, gripped the puppeteer's forearm, and reclaimed his kunai by ripping it out.
Temari watched in surprise whilst studying Naruto's features, and undressing him with her eyes.
"Agh! What the hell?" asked Kankuro as he laid eyes on Naruto, "was that necessary?"
"Your puppet's craftsmanship is quite impressive, and very lifelike, clown.
But I'd expect nothing less when it was made by Sasori of the Red Sand." replied Naruto.
The real Kankuro got off of his puppet's back before it was crushed by an invisible force as Naruto made a gripping gesture and closed the hand into a fist.
"Hey! That's my puppet you're destroying, jerk!" shouted Kankuro before backing away from Naruto's icy stare.
Side-stepping away from the puppeteer, Naruto held out his hand towards Temari, "May I have the privilege of taking your hand, fair Princess of the desert?" making the blonde Suna-nin blush.
Naruto gently held her right hand before kissing the back of its palm, "To whose acquaintance do I have the privilege of making?"
"My name's Temari Sabaku,"
Gently releasing her hand, Naruto smiled, "A truly beautiful name befitting of a desert lily such as yourself whose beauty makes even the brightest stars seem dull by comparison," whilst Haku watched in amusement.
"And what's your name, handsome?" inquired Temari who was blushing deeply after giving Naruto a kiss.
"My name is Naruto, and I welcome you and your lovely other companion to our village."
"Other companion?" asked Temari before Naruto's eyes looked towards a nearby tree.
Standing upside down on a tree branch was a young, slim, voluptuous, agile woman with firm, perky, full D-cup breasts, short crimson hair, blue eyes, a red kanji for love on her forehead, and black rings around her eyes.
She wore a red sports bra and battle skirt, black spandex short shorts, shinobi sandals, and a gourd on her back.
Appearing in front of Naruto with a small vortex of sand, the Suna redhead locked eyes with him before standing on her tiptoes, and tenderly kissing him on the lips, much to the shock of her companions.
With a genuine smile as she ceased leaking even the slightest hint of ki, Gaara asked, "I am Gaara Sabaku, and you are?"
Smiling back, Naruto answered, "Naruto Uzumaki-Senju at your service, my lovely Suna-hime." earning stunned looks from Kankuro and Temari.
"I am glad to see such strong lineages continue to spawn powerful heirs like yourself."
"I hope to see you more often, Gaara-hime."
"Perhaps we'll see each other during the Chunin exams.
You shall prove my existence,"
Gently taking Temari and Gaara by a hand each, Naruto met their gaze, "Would such angels as yourselves grant me the honour of escorting you around the village?"
"What about me?" whined Kankuro.
"What about you?" dismissed Gaara.
"Little brother, you get to carry our luggage to the hotel, and check in.
You can fix your toy when everything's put away." said Temari before she, Gaara, Naruto and Haku left.
"I've literally never seen Gaara show so much affection." stated the puppeteer.
"What's she usually like?" asked Konohamaru before a familiar shadow loomed over him, "Uh-oh."
"Back to class, Konohamaru." ordered Iruka, "Udon, Moegi, that goes for you too." then he turned to Kankuro, "I'm sorry for the trouble, ma'am." before he departed with the Konohamaru corps.
"I'm a man, damn it!" whined Kankuro.
Later.
Exterior: Konoha, exams campus, late morning.
"Of course Naruto-baka would be with the Snake Whore!" screeched Sakura as she and Sasuke saw Anko making out with Naruto who stepped back whilst leaking Ki.
"Almighty Bitch Slap!" bellowed Naruto, with his Rinnegan active, as he slapped Sakura who was sent flying through several walls.
"Ooh, that's gotta hurt!" snickered Anko, "Now, Haku-chan, Naru-kun, get your sexy asses to the exams.
You'll be doing it without pinky since Lady Hokage wants to see her."
Interior: Konoha, Hokage tower, office, late morning.
"Sakura Haruno, turn over your headband and shinobi licence!" ordered Tsunade, "You are unfit to be a shinobi,"
"What? Why?" asked Haruno, shocked.
"Your record, behaviour, attitude, refusal to learn and train, lack of focus.
The fact you only graduated because of corruption in the academy, and the meddling of the abolished civilian council!
And your only goal was getting into Genin Sasuke's pants and family savings, not becoming a successful ninja for the village.
I won't have gold diggers, fangirls and stalkers like you pretending to be ninjas, and disgracing the title of Kunoichi!"
"I bet this is all Naruto-baka's fault." sneered Sakura before being thrown out a window.
Interior: Konoha, exams campus, corridors, late morning.
As Naruto, Haku and Sasuke passed by a crowd of Genin standing in front of a second floor door, Sasuke was about to point out a genjutsu when he was dragged away by a shadow clone.
The real Naruto was about to walk up the stairs when there was a cat-like growl.
A beautiful, perky, voluptuous, graceful Kunoichi, with fair skin, shoulder length blonde hair in a low ponytail, D-cup breasts, and blue eyes, tackle-hugged Naruto to the ground, and pinned him to the floor whilst laying on top of him.
Then she kissed him with the ferocity of an animal in heat.
As they parted lips, Yugito nuzzled him like a cat, "I've missed you, Naru-kun,"
"Missed you too, Yugito-hime." replied Naruto who turned the tables, pinned her beneath him, kissed her, then helped her to her feet.
Interior: Naruto & Yugito's mindscape.
"Kura-chan and I have missed you as well, Tabi-chan," said Naruto.
"Purrfect, darling," mused Matatabi, the two-tailed cat, who nuzzled Naruto's cheek, "And you look so strong and handsome.
You make me want to spend time outside of the seal, in a human form, so I can experience the pleasures of human mating with you.
I'm sure you'll make me purr like a happy kitty."
"You'd better invite me to that too, Tabi-chan." replied Kurama.
"Pervy spirits." sighed Naruto and Yugito as they sweatdropped.
"And purr-oud of it." replied Matatabi before changing into the form of a naked woman, with everything on full display, making the two Jinchuriki blush.
Matatabi's human form was sexy, curvy, agile, tall, slender, flexible, and voluptuous.
She had soft, smooth, tanned skin, a taut tummy, perky, full E-cup breasts, and a firm, round ass.
A yellow right eye and green left eye, neither of which had pupils, shoulder length cobalt blue and black hair in twin pony-tails, small whiskers, and kitten ears.
"Naughty Tabi-chan." sighed Naruto.
Brushing up against him, Matatabi purred softly whilst bringing his hands to her aroused breasts and sensitive nipples, then kissed him whilst stroking his member through his pants.
"Ooh! He's gonna get some from a naughty kitty." teased Kurama before the mindscape link closed, "No fair! It was just starting to get good!"
Exterior: Naruto & Yugito's mindscape.
Interior: Konoha, exams campus, corridor, late morning.
"Naruto-kun, shouldn't we be getting to the exam?" asked Haku as she appeared next to them.
"As you wish, my snow angel." replied Naruto before he took a hold of his squad and Yugito, then shunshinned upstairs.
Interior: Konoha, exam campus, waiting room, late morning.
Entering with team 7 and Yugito, Naruto gave his fellow Jinchuriki a hug before she joined her squad.
"Ladies man Naruto scores again," teased Kiba as team 8, 9, 10 and 11 joined team 7, "Come on, leave some ladies for the rest of us."
"Perhaps you would find a mate of your own easier if you didn't try so hard, Doggy-san." commented Sai as he stood next to Obito and Kosuke, team 11, "I understand trying too hard can be what discourages one from entering a relationship, as it indicates desperation.
Additionally, you are a known pervert which is a trait considered undesirable by most women."
"So, these are all the applicants who aren't still being fooled by the Genjutsu on the second floor?" asked Naruto, "Some of them I already know will be formidable.
Others may be more intellectual opponents than physical combatants, so our Shikamaru might find a troublesome strategist he needs to outthink."
"I simultaneously play five different matches of Shogi against you and your clones, so I'd say I've upped my game when it comes to strategy," shrugged Nara, "Troublesome Uzumaki."
"He is our number one unpredictable ninja." mused Haku.
"Hey, where's Forehead?" wondered Ino.
"Kicked out of the Shinobi corps, and just in time to avoid her disgracing this village and the title of Kunoichi in front of everyone in Konoha, and our visitors from other villages," answered Naruto, "Getting fired has just saved her life."
"Oh."
"Naruto-san, is there anyone in particular you believe we should tread cautiously around?" asked Neji as he met Uzumaki's gaze.
The redhead nodded, "Anyone whose chakra is like my own.
That means someone with more than one chakra signature and network, or ones potentially harmful to insect users like the Aburame clan.
Some Kekkei Genkai constantly circulate elemental chakra of the primary affinity through their possessor's network.
These exams are a show of strength, so there may be a Jinchuriki or two here as well."
"A wise caution, and thank you for your concern, Naruto," approved Shino.
"Naru-Niichan!" gleefully greeted Fuu who tightly hugged Naruto.
Fuu wore a short, white, sleeveless, crop top, with a similarly fashioned armour mesh top underneath, white armlets, and a skirt with black shorts, and sandals.
Her headband was worn on her right arm.
"Missed you too, Fuu-chan," mused Naruto who returned the embrace, lifted her up, and did a spin before putting her back down, "You've grown up so much since I last saw you, my little hime."
"Thanks, Naruto-Niichan," happily said Fuu before she was introduced to the gang.
"You all might want to keep it down," informed a silver haired and bespectacled young man who pointed with his thumb, "They're all tense as it is."
Noticing everyone save a few were staring at the Konoha teams and her, not noticing they were leaking ki, Fuu gleefully greeted, "Hi, everyone!
I'm Fuu! Let's all be friends!" raising some eyebrows and confused blinks.
Protective as he sensed the ki directed towards his baby sister, Naruto sent tidal waves of intense ki directly towards the competitors who were neither his friends, nor Jinchuriki, nor Kunoichi, nor Yugito and Fuu's teammates, knocking many of them out.
Gaara smiled in approval of Naruto's display.
Noticing Han and Utakata, as well as Nagato's squad, Naruto nodded to them in recognition, and they did the same.
"Wow, that was some impressive killing intent, Naruto-kun." chuckled Yugito, "I think you made some people wet themselves."
Holding his nose, Kiba confirmed, "He did."
"So, does anyone want to see my ninja info cards?" asked Kabuto as he shuffled a deck, and those knocked out began waking up, "I've taken the exams six times already, and gathered data on all of the participants."
"Why don't we start with yours?" asked Kiba, "and I take it from your scent that you're a snake summoner?"
"N- no, my Sensei is."
Kiba smirked, "You two must have a very intimate relationship if you smell like them.
They must be a scientist or doctor, since you also smell like a sterilised lab."
"Show me Naruto Uzumaki-Senju-Namikaze's card!" demanded Sasuke, drawing unwelcome attention from the Iwa teams.
Focusing chakra into a card, Kabuto's eyes widened in horror upon seeing Naruto's stats, "Naruto Uzumaki-Senju-Namikaze.
He has multiple elemental Kekkei Genkai including Wood release, Boil release, and more that are undocumented or simply rumoured.
The legendary Rinnegan dojutsu.
Accelerated healing, superhuman dexterity, and the Uzumaki royal family's chakra chains.
He possesses affinities in each element and sub-element." earning shocked looks, and scowls from the Iwa-nins who'd overheard, except Han who already knew.
"His personal chakra reserves are said to be as high as the Kyuubi's, which made perfecting his chakra control a nightmare.
His Ninjutsu, Taijutsu, Genjutsu, Kenjutsu, and Fuinjutsu skills are all Kage level.
Confirmed to have mastered Sage jutsu." continued Kabuto, "Notable techniques include various clone jutsu, Rasengan, various Rasengan variants, crescent moon dance, advanced henges, and the Hiraishin.
Known Taijutsu styles include the Hummingbird, Snake, Teras Kasi, Echani, and Matukai.
Interceptor, Speed Fist, Strong Fist and Gentle Fist.
Various Senju, Namikaze and Uzumaki clan styles, Tai Chi, Toad style, the Lotus, and Shunshin Taijutsu."
"How many missions has he done?" asked Fuu.
Trembling whilst sweating bullets, Kabuto stammered, "He's confirmed to have successfully completed twenty D-ranks, thirty C-ranks, forty B-ranks, fifty A-ranks, ninety S-ranks.
Notable kills include Aoi Rokusho, Danzo Shimura, Raiga of the Seven Shinobi Swordsmen of Kiri, Hanzo of the Salamander.
Cassus Fett, Calo Nord, Azog the Defiler, Sasori of the Red Sand, and Gato.
He's listed in the bingo book as an S-rank opponent at the minimum, but strangely has no bounty.
And credited with defeating Mizukage Yagura Karatachi."
As time stood still, Naruto impaled Kabuto through the heart, beheaded him, then pushed the falling head over to the sound village squads with wind chakra.
When time resumed, Kabuto's headless body, the wound of which had been cauterised by the very blade that beheaded him, fell to the floor with a thud, drawing attention.
"What the hell, sex on a stick?" asked Kin Tsuchi.
"Just returning your boss's spy,"
"How do you know he's one of ours?" demanded Kin, undressing Naruto with her eyes.
"Look on both sides of his headband's plate."
Kin picked up Kabuto's headband, ripped off the fabric, and turned it over, "What the hell?"
"He was one of Danzo's pets from Root, but his true allegiance lies with Orochimaru." stated Naruto who revealed a picture of Kabuto in several different shinobi village uniforms, "He was a spy, so I killed him," earning surprised looks from his peers.
"Oh…"
Naruto asked, "What's your name?"
"I'm Kin Tsuchi, you fucking hot sex kebab!" blurted Kin whose cheeks flushed.
"I've been called a lot of things over the years, but that's definitely a first, songbird," chuckled Naruto.
"Oh, I'm sure, handsome." mused Kin who closed the distance.
"Legends say the deadliest temptation is the Siren's song.
With a voice as lovely as yours, I understand why,"
"Trying to sweet talk a kiss out of me?"
"Is it working?"
"Maybe…"
Noticing something on Kin's shoulder, Naruto asked, "Want me to remove that curse mark for you?"
Kin stared into Naruto's eyes, "It's impossible,"
"I've done it before, with a one-hundred percent success rate," informed Naruto.
"If it works, I'll give you that kiss."
"I have a way to break the curse fairy tale style."
"Oh? Well, don't keep the Princess of the story waiting."
"Sage art: Fairy tale's kiss." quietly said Naruto who gently kissed Kin on the lips, instantly destroying her curse mark and the piece of Orochimaru sealed within it.
"It's gone…" exhaled Kin as their lips parted, "What else did that jutsu do?"
"On a subcellular level, it repaired the internal and external damage the curse mark inflicted upon and caused your body, and sent the piece of Orochimaru hiding inside it to the Shinigami." simplified Naruto.
"My own… my love… my precious." possessively said Haku as she pulled Naruto into her arms, leaking ki, making everyone sweatdrop.
Looming over it, Naruto destroyed Kabuto's corpse, except for the head which he sealed away before staring directly at a grass Genin who turned away so quickly their neck could've snapped.
Taking more notice of the foreign competition, Naruto counted 4 Sound teams, 10 Iwa teams, 3 Taki teams, 6 Kumo teams, 4 Ame teams, 5 Kiri teams, 3 Kusa teams, and 3 Suna teams, as well as various unaligned squads and lone participants.
Observing 15 of Iwa's Genin, all boys, staring daggers at him, Naruto gave a foxy grin, "Sorry, fellas, I don't swing that way.
Try the bedsheet-clad doll humper wearing his sister's makeup."
Whilst almost everyone burst into laughter, Kankuro indignantly shouted, "It's war paint!"
"Sure it is, you doll fucking shithead!" replied a feisty Sound Kunoichi with long pink-red hair.
Eyeing Naruto, Kurotsuchi mused, "Possibly the Yellow Flash's son or not, Naruto's handsome." before blushing as he smiled directly at her.
Later.
Interior: Konoha, exam campus, classroom.
Carefully going over his written test, Naruto telepathically asked, "Know the answers?"
"We both do, but we also know the point of this is to cheat without getting caught," replied Kurama.
"I'd say our link qualifies,"
"Very true, Naru-kun, and copying answers from someone risks wrong answers."
"Who trained Minato Namikaze: Yondaime Hokage?
Orochimaru, Hiruzen Sarutobi, Fugaku Uchiha, or Danzo Shimura?" thought Naruto who scoffed, and wrote his own answer, "The Pervy Sage aka Jiraiya The Gallant of The Sannin, aka the Toad Sage, aka the author of Icha Icha."
Kurama giggled in Naruto's mind.
30 mins later.
As Ibiki mentioned the consequences of failing the tenth question, Naruto deadpanned, "Risks come with the life we've chosen.
You really think anyone worthy of their headband will give in so easily?"
As a bundle shot through the window like a cannonball, it turned into a banner that read, "INTRODUCING THE SEXY AND HAPPILY TAKEN ANKO MITARASHI!
PROCTOR OF YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE!" while Anko herself appeared in front of it.
She wore her headband, a purple, short-sleeved, armour-mesh bodysuit, the legs of which stopped at her knees, a black denim skirt, and black trench coat with purple in-seam, shin guards, a kunai holster, utility pouch, and black shinobi sandals.
Naruto and a dozen shadow clones held up 1000/10 score cards whilst several more shadow clones gave her a round of applause, earning an amused smirk and a bow from Anko before the clones dispelled.
"You're early!" snapped Ibiki, "I haven't even told them if they've passed yet!"
"Too bad, they're my victims now," snipped Anko who gave an all too sweet but terrifying smile to Naruto, "Especially you, my loveable Foxy-kun." before looking deep into his eyes, then kissed him, nibbling his lip in the process.
Several of the hopefuls seethed with jealousy that he'd been kissed by the sexy ASF Snake Mistress, while others were jealous of her.
"Mmmm, you taste nice, my Naruto-kun." whispered Anko who stepped back, "Alright, brats! You have an hour to get to training ground forty-four, or be disqualified! Follow me!" before leaping out the same window she'd entered through.
"Do we go through the same one, or break our own window?" asked Gaara.
"Break your own!" called Anko, from outside.
Raising a palm towards the windows, Naruto called, "Almighty push!" and blew off the entire side of the room, used wood style to make a staircase for everyone's descent to the ground floor, then vanished in a flash.
"What the fuck!?" exclaimed Tayuya.
"He really does know that technique.
I thought that Kabuto guy was joking," observed Kurotsuchi before flying out the new exit.
"The last one there's buying lunch!" called Fuu who grew wings and flew away.
With the whistle of a steam engine, Han raced out of the room faster than a speeding bullet.
Gaara flew out of the room on a cloud of sand.