Note: Two chapter updates in a month? My treat. Also, heads up to the Imitation game!
Mulan stood by the town gate. It's the eighty-eight day since the war ended. The swell and celebration of victory surrounded her. The cheers and the cries and the joyful shouts bombarded her ears.
But they were welcomed sounds. The happy sounds around her outweighed the sadness that swelled underneath her breast. Even if Mulan could return to the home of her youth, she doubted her life would return to the way it was. Part of her was too changed by this experience by the lessons learned and paid in blood and sweat and emotion.
War was not honorable, Mulan had learned. Humans were not perfect was the lesson that has been countless lives.
Even so…
She was a soldier.
But China did not need a woman fighter.
And yet, despite what happened to Shang, Mulan found herself staying (Her father didn't seem to mind. In fact, he was quietly proud to put the staple of Fa's name back into the regiment.)
The boys do not, and Mulan couldn't find it in herself to blame them. They too lost Shang, a brother in arms, and so many others as well, and they all had lives they needed to live. They each came to her and said goodbye at least, and took a night to drink to the fallen, to listen and sing to Chef Zhang's songs and when they parted, it was not allies that had known each other for a few short months, but friends who felt like they had known each other forever.
As a form of gratitude, the newly appointed head of the first battalion, General Zhi, had bestowed one of the best gifts she had ever seen. It was the painting of her and Shang, on the day of their wedding (which Ling, later on, admitted he sneakily gave him the copy), that was elegantly engraved into a small ivory-trimmed medallion.
The image of Shang that looked back, how she always tried to remember him; alive, eyes filled with fire, fighting for those that could not fight for themselves.
It was late at night when a lady came, interrupting the soldier's party. Her face was pale and she looked worn from enduring a long, tiring journey. But when she caught sight of the person she was seeking among the crowds, her countenance lit up and she ran to him like a thirsty deer finding her oasis.
It was Su. And Chien-Po, uncaring of convention or what was proper, swept his beloved into his arms and sobbed in pure joy, as they held each tight to each other as if they feared letting go.
And of course, there was Ling and Ting Ting. She watched, from the beginning of time, how they tried to impress each other, Ling with his dry jokes and Ting Ting with her cool reception of his antics. A game that lovers play to discover each other's limits and eccentricities. Over the months, the familiarity turned into compatibility, and compatibility had birthed dependency. They both needed each other. There was truly nothing common between them—class, wealth, and social status, perhaps—but nothing between their hearts. Time had tampered with passion and the wonder of their love.
This, Mulan thought, was true love. This was what sacrifices were really all for. This was why soldiers fought and died, not because what they hated was before them, but because what they loved was behind.
The world was broken, crumbling, but still, there was love, and so it went on, as it should.
For several blissful weeks, Mulan woke each morning with a purpose and crawled into bed exhausted enough to forget.
But her dreams were where her hell often became reality.
"Shang!"
Her throat still ached from screaming his name. Sometimes, she felt as if her skin burned from a fire that never touched her, bloomed in the sky, and took him from her.
Shang's lips curled slightly at that and his eyes bore into hers. "You are alive!" She touched his mottled skin, the marks of his forged strength.
"Shang?"
He didn't say anything, but he just watched her with that expression, that look in his eyes, that made her want to hold him tight and never let him go. That look was ripe with things unsaid.
"I…." His voice dropped in timbre and her heart rate fractured. "You are better without me."
Her heart was breaking at this voluntary distance he was putting in between them for some unknown reason. "What… what do you mean?" she yelled frustratedly.
"You've brought honor to us all." Those were his words, but all she could hear was a sad farewell.
"Why are you doing this?" she cried. Her heart thumped, unable to believe what she was hearing, staring at him wide-eyed, her brain numb.
But Shang turned his back and walked away as if he ignored her cry. "Goodbye, Mulan."
She woke up from her sleep crying, desolated, and broken. She had been feeling so many things that she could not have named, drowning in so many emotions, coming apart at the seams, adrift. It felt like this was her fate. She thought this was a punishment for pulling such deception.
But no matter how dreary the situation may be, destiny seemed to have another plan.
"Honorable Fa Mulan," said the voice by the gate that alerted her one afternoon when she was feeding the chicken outside. "I'm Chen, the Palace messenger. Prince Shao Wei requested your presence in his Palace at once."
"I'm sorry?" she stared in disbelief. Shao had known about the recent news about Shang, and it was barely three months since he went on that fatal mission.
She asked them to wait as she weaved a brief explanation and handed the parchment to the man in charge. For heaven's sake, Shao's request was beyond insensitive. Mulan hadn't even had a gut to see her mother-in-law thinking she might end up breaking down in a teary mess making her feel worse than consoling her. "Please inform the Prince that I am still in my mourning period," she added levelly, handing him the scribble of her polite response to Shao Wei.
When the messenger didn't move an inch as she dismissed him, Mulan had lost her patience. "Do you hear me? I am not leaving my house. Come back in two months' time."
"No, I am sorry Your Honorable," the man pulled a wince but silently signaled to his comrade and more soldiers transpired from nowhere, encircling her. "But this is not a request."
Shao could hear a ruckus approaching the main hall, cajoling words of servants and guards alternating with familiar angry shouts. The echoing sound of her heels beating furiously against the floor matched her temper, pulling Shao's lips into a smile. He missed hearing Mulan's feisty antics.
"Your Highness, would you mind telling me what's going on?" Mulan bristled as she was escorted into a large living area where the Prince of Wei's throne was perched at the other far end of the room.
"Is that your way to greet your prince?" he said, waving his hand to dismiss the guards and servants that filled the room.
"Shao," Mulan sighed, she wasn't in the mood for playful banter. "Stop beating around the bush and tell me what you want. Why did your guards drag me here?"
"Fine," he said, standing up from where he sat. Straightening his back and willed himself to look as confident as possible as he dropped the bomb.
"I want to ask your hand in marriage, Fa Mulan."
"Marriage?...What? And… and… Why….I mean…," Mulan gesticulated wildly trying to find the word. But her brain was fried. Burnt. Nothing to be found.
"Yes, I am sure your ear works fine. I've asked your father for your hand. He agreed."
"You did what?" she stared. Eyes wide. So her father knew, how could he say nothing to her? Had he given Shao the blessing? "Didn't you hear yourself?" Mulan said, not realizing her voice became louder. "My husband's grave is still warm, my family is still in a period of bereavement and you dare to offer my hand on…..marriage?"
After a beat, he finally said, "You told me that your utmost desire is to take care of your father, and your family. I can give them all that. So, I thought this is a decent proposal. You want to uphold your family's honor, don't you?"
Of course, Mulan knew the answer to the question, but the thought of the idea that the prince could possess any woman was entirely preposterous.
"You can't simply have everything that you want," she retorted instead of answering his question.
"And why not?" Shao confronted her with an air of arrogance that solidified the character of the man Mulan had known for the better part of her army life. "I am still the prince. A prince gets what he wants."
Mulan fought her natural urge, which was to slap him as hard as she could before pushing him bodily out of his quarter.
"Is it that difficult to accept my offer of marriage? I always thought your husband Shang isn't the romantic fairytale type of man you have hoped for. I can tell you that I will do way better than him."
"You…" Her voice faded together with her memory of Shang. "I know there are things he did that were… hurtful. Unacceptable. But..." There was this torturous part of her that knew he'd never be free of her affection for him. "But, I love him."
"That's rather unfortunate, don't you think? Because you had never extolled your feelings explicitly to him. Now, it's a bit late for that."
That really bit her, but Mulan was determined not to show any weaknesses. "But I will not let any man ever dictate my life again," she declared firmly. "I thought you were my friend, Shao. That you've befriended me, defended me….believed in me."
Her words seemed to have hit him squarely. Turning away, he let out a slow exhale. "Look, I'm sorry if everything comes out wrong, I don't mean to sound patronizing," he said in a light manner, but Mulan could hear the sad undertone and understood the truth he was concealing between words. "This isn't about what I want."
"What does that even mean?" she cried to his back.
"It means exactly what it said!" he snapped.
She shivered, taken aback by the unfamiliar threatening voice. The Palace politics was uncharted terrain. What could this man possibly be like back in his world, with all his power, connection, and no inhibitions to stop him? But Mulan refused to dwell in her fear.
"Is this what you think of me? A mere possession? A property that you men can pass around? Or is it because you think that taking me here will cure me of my grief of Shang because you think you could make me happy?"
He whirled around, sheer agony evident in his expression, but she didn't stop. "You are a man with an agenda. You are the same as all of them! All this while, I thought you were standing by my side!"
"You don't understand, I am trying to help!"
"To help? TO HELP? How can you possibly help me by robbing me of my freedom?" Mulan growled with frustration. Her eyes were blinking rapidly as the tears spilled over. She was moving to swipe them away, when he came to her, beating her hands to the act. His warm, gentle fingers stroked her wet cheeks with detailed care, but Mulan immediately overtook his action by shoving him. She didn't need his help.
"I'm trying to give you that freedom…-"
"No!" She took a step back. "Shang may never say he loved me, but he was… he was there for me."
Shao dropped his hand. "Except he's not here, is he, Mulan? I am."
Fire arose in her chest. How dare you! She wanted to say but realized she shouldn't avenge bitterness with more resentment. "Please, just leave me alone..."
"You think you are the first person to have their heartbroken? The first person to lose their loved ones?" he said sternly. "By the way, you and Shang owe me your life once. Remember? It was me that saved you both!"
"That's totally unfair."
"I never said I played fair," he answered darkly.
Gods, this man was infuriating. "So you think you have the right to just swoop in and take Shang's place….because you've saved me once?"
"I already told you. This is not just about what I want!" he paced around the room, glaring at her. "I'm sure you are well aware of what kind of limited life a woman has without a husband in this society."
She glared back at him, speaking through grit teeth, her anger irrational now. "Sure, what a noble intention. You will keep me from being a miserable widower, right? I'll just be a miserable married woman instead. What if I said no? What are you going to do? Tie me to your bed?"
His heated eyes looked into hers, chuckling lightly. "Not a bad idea."
"Like hell that's going to happen," Mulan bristled, stomping as she prepared to leave.
Shao stepped forward and grabbed both of her wrists with equal amounts of force. "I have the right to fight for this," he challenged back.
"By taking what doesn't belong to you?" she hissed on his face. "I have thought highly of you, Shao Wei. I had thought you were a man of integrity. I have respected and admired you as our prince, and I've trusted you even so… as a friend," she gave him a piercing look. "I guess I was wrong."
Her proficient explanation seemed to hit him square on the head, and his grip loosened. "It's not that simple." His face crumpled at her fierce accusation. Mulan noticed the brief change in his posture as his shoulders dropped ever so slightly. It was his tell. He only did the slumping thing when he was upset, and his shoulders only ever sagged when he was out of ideas.
"Then tell me why!"
"I've already told you. I am doing it for you…. " His voice quietened, "And Shang."
She shook her head deprecatingly. "For Shang?"
"Mulan…—" he groaned in desperation. He ran a hand over his head, pulling at the hair at the base of his scalp. "I will take care of yours and Shang's family. You will never have to worry about anything. Not even your father."
After a while, her breathing slowed, and she finally felt calm enough to reply. "And I would have to live behind this gilded cage with all the other courtesans?" Mulan huffed once and when she spoke again, her voice softened but still firm. "I prefer liberty with danger...than peace with slavery. I thought you knew me better than this."
Shao Wei made a face. "You are never going to be my slave. I promise that our relationship will remain platonic and all this marriage thing is just a cover."
"Yes, sounds reassuring enough," Mulan said, rolling her eyes.
Shao took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Look, I know you aren't happy with this situation and I can assure you, but I want you to trust me that I have a very good reason to do this. Meanwhile, can you try to keep the sarcasm under control?"
"Tell me then," Mulan urged him.
"Tell you what?"
"The truth," she hissed. "I am sure your friendship and loyalty to Shang and me isn't the only thing that keeps you pressing to offer me shelter in the palace and sharing your fame and status. If taking care of me is all you want - you could easily do so by donating a large sum of money to my father and telling me to move on. I am not that dumb, Shao."
It was then he realized there was no point in running away from the truth. "Ok. Fine. Shang was a good friend. He is one of very few men that I will trust with my life…." He only paused to sigh deeply.
"...and I do not wish his unborn child to grow up without living in that which he gave his life for."
It was earlier that morning when Shao sat in the breakfast room alone. A few handmaids quietly served him an assortment of congee, fruit, honey, and a selection of tea. The delectable scent of food combined with tranquillity and a beautiful view of the city bathed in morning light panned out of the window of his new royal quarter. It was beyond amazing. He thought he could get used to this.
Just as he relished every minute of his newfound privilege, Ting Ting stormed into view, eyes wide, cheeks flushed with anger.
"Brother, are you freaking kidding me?" she practically yelled, glaring down at him from the top of the stairs.
"Ting Ting," Shao warned, taking the last couple of steps quickly and moving past her to signal all the maids to leave them.
"So this Mulan girl is Ping?! Shao, what kind of secret you are hiding from me?" Ting Ting demanded. Loudly.
"Who told you?"
Ting Ting scoffed. "Who told me is not important to you!"
Shao speculated the trio of Mulan's besties might have a part in this, especially considering one of them was dating his sister.
"I heard you are taking her here to…."
"Hold your horses," he held up his hand. "Who told you? Answer me!"
"Brother, every single woman in the harem is talking about you picking this random woman… an average-looking commoner… a widower from your own Captain," she raged. "And you dared to criticize my choice in Ling?"
Shao winced, because of all the things he's been trying to balance today, he had done the worst with anything related to his family. "I've approved of him months ago," he defended, only to see Ting Ting's betrayed expression.
He sighed. "Look...I didn't mean to hide it from you, but this is the only way I can help protect her and her extended family," he reasoned but he could tell from Ting Ting's stony expression that she was unmoved.
"Excuse me, protecting her?" Ting Ting raised her brow sarcastically. "You can't seriously believe the entire harem wouldn't be all over the woman who snagged the notoriously fickle Prince Shao Wei. And you know how vicious the degree of rivalry and envy in the court could be. They would have barbecued her by morning."
Her tone of voice makes clear her unfavorable opinion of his past behavior, and it surprised Shao Wei how much that knowledge hurt. Not that he disagreed with her assessment—he was an ass—but he's always cherished Ting Ting's good opinion of him.
She took a calming breath, then continued quietly. "You need to take about ten steps back and think about what you're asking her. Think about what happens if you actually marry Fa Mulan."
Shao felt oddly defensive; trapped; cornered. Because what his sister was suggesting was wrong—it's not that kind of marriage, not a real for-better-or-for-worse kind of thing. He didn't even want that, did he? He'd never been a man who wanted that. "Ting Ting, it's not like that. Mulan and I…"
"If you so much as think the word platonic right now," Ting Ting gritted out, "I will actually slap you."
"Ting Ting!" This day had been one hit after another, and he couldn't keep fighting with everyone. "Mulan is my friend first before anything else."
"And that's exactly what I am worried about," she said, pausing to look him right in the eyes. "Look," she said, in a patronizing tone that Shao found exceptionally grating, "the hooking-up cover story about a prince who saved a commoner during the war? That made some sense, and as much as I found it personally amusing, I never doubted that it was dangerous."
Shaking his head, Shao stepped closer. "Dangerous how? Ting Ting, you're not making sense."
"You are suggesting that she was pregnant with your child during which your loyal, fastidious Captain, Li Shang, was still legally her husband. And secondly, it is dangerous because your feelings for her have never been simple or platonic."
And as much as he wanted to argue, Shao Wei knew there was some truth to that. Because he'd trusted Mulan almost on sight, and beyond that, there's always been something between them; some hint of possibilities.
"Ting Ting… I am just reacting to circumstances," and he lowered his voice. "You know that child isn't mine, but the world can not know that she'd been masquerading as a man and…"
"Reacting to circumstance?" said Ting Ting's unmistakably incredulous voice. "Do you think I don't know this tactic of yours? Do you think I can't see? Brother... you've been my sibling for years, do you really think I don't know you?"
"Di-Tan told me she is pregnant, what do you expect me to do? I just don't want the world to think she had acted unbefittingly and slept around while her husband was at the battlefront."
"You much rather the world thinks she was sleeping with you instead?" she deadpanned.
He shrugged noncommittally. "Well, at least I am a prince. No one can refuse, especially if I threaten their family member unless she did what I told her to."
"Geez, how original."
He grinned. "Well, thank you."
Ting Ting threw her arm in the air. "Oh, come on, just admit it. You love her. You're truly in love with her!" She blithely ignored the way Shao's head jerked up, the wide-eyed panic Shao knew was on his face right now, because no one's supposed to be able to figure that part out.
"I…" The words just jumble out in his brain unable to come out. All he knew was, at some point, in between coming home and all the craziness afterward, he'd fallen in love with his friend.
Which could be a problem.
In fact, it already was.
It was all his fault. He was the one who offered to give her combat lessons, correcting her form and poking fun at her serious expression. He'd catch himself holding onto her a bit too close, staring at her too long, and the feeling caught on.
"You… you won't ever go through this kind of hassle for anyone. And I had never seen you talk like that about any woman before," Ting Ting chimed in. "Not even Suiko."
Hell, Shao himself just started to suspect that might be true.
"But the calculative side of you knew you can't have her right then, but now…" she shook her head. "You think this may be your chance."
"It's not like that. Li Shang is my friend, and I wouldn't…" he paused. Wouldn't what? Wouldn't betray his trust? But taking a widowed woman wasn't one of those, was it?
"I…" The word failed him again. And Shao could feel it—he recognized this breaking point with his sister. She was an excellent judge of character, and a shrewd young woman. So he just sighed resignedly and said, "It's just a tactical move. I only mean to protect her, care for her well-being, and to give her the life and respect she deserves. I promise I won't do anything without her consent and I…"
"Say that a year ago when there were more than two women in your quarter every night," Ting Ting bantered, equally sharp.
"I resent the insinuation," Shao frowned.
"Brother, don't get me wrong. If someone knew how irrational someone can be when they fell in love—it was me. I just don't think you have thought through how this is going to change everything."
"Change everything?" he said, clearly off-guard.
"You know marriage can be annulled in no time, but a broken heart and friendship will take longer to heal."
He sighed deeply. "I won't hurt her," he promised, and he knew that regardless of what he said in a few minutes, this was one vow he would not break.
"Not on purpose, I know that," Ting Ting answered, and before Shao could argue, she added, "She's not the only one who could get hurt."
Shao chuckled in a slightly derivise way. "I'm fully aware that she is not really marrying me," and he hated how sad it made him that was true. It's a sham, not genuine, but why should that bother him? Since when was he the guy that even wanted a marriage? He'd made the decision to be alone and to limit his romantic interactions to simple flings, funtime, and procreation, and it was the right decision. So where was this yearning for something more even coming from?
"How can you possibly tell her you'll love, honor, and cherish her without accidentally meaning it?" Ting Ting returned. "You are risking a terrible heartache by loving a girl who had no intention of requiting your feelings." And she was right. Because his brain understood the logic of the plan, but his heart was going to be a problem.
"I don't..." Shao trailed off, unable to complete his thoughts in the face of Ting Ting's exasperated look. "I know it's complicated," he said instead, "but this the only way she could be… who she is," he said sincerely. "I'll do it if it'll kill me."
Ting Ting examined him for a long moment, and Shao couldn't breathe until she lurched forward, hugging him tightly as if she could feel his pain. His breath came out a little shaky, and he tugged her closer.
"Promise me you won't tell her this," he pleaded, voice on the edge of breaking. Because he knew, he couldn't stop looking at Mulan, even when she won't ever look back.
"I promise," Ting Ting said understandingly.
Shao genuinely thought he was going to be more prepared for Mulan's blatant rejection even after his conversation with Ting Ting. Her refusal still burnt in his head, drilling like a wormhole in his heart. Should he smile because Mulan was his friend? Or cried because that was what she would ever be?
"You've proposed to her?" asked Ting Ting as she was entering his quarter the next evening. She must have seen Mulan fleeing through the enormous double door in a hurry.
"Hmmm….." And the dejected way he responded to her had already given enough clue of what Mulan's answer may be.
Ting Ting sat in front of him, pulling a basket of candied peaches, a large bottle of baijiu, and warm pork buns. "I figured this will help."
He peered into the basket. "It certainly won't help my waistline."
"To hell with waistline," she insisted, pulling one particularly big bun and stuffing it nonchalantly into his mouth. "After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one who has hurt him the most."
Shao inhaled the scent of greasy, fattening pork filling, and countered the flavor with sugar-coated dried peach enough to make his teeth rot. She was right, they were sinfully delicious.
"So," she said, propping herself ready to listen to a good story.
"It's as we expected," he said, taking a generous sip of the baijiu. Shao couldn't even bring himself to feel upset at Mulan's hurtful accusation. She had all the right in the world to feel angry and frustrated. "I don't know why I even believe in my head that she would ever say 'yes'." Because he knew she only loved and would only love one man. And that man wasn't him.
Ting Ting picked a candy and shoved it into her mouth. "We all eat lies when our hearts are hungry. But...I totally get it. I'd rather love a million times and have my heart broken every time than not to try at all."
"Don't worry, I've seen it coming," he said, returning her smile of sympathy. "I'll be fine. I promised."
Ting Ting paid him with a soft smile. "Sometimes the person you fall for is not the person who is ready to catch you. But someday… hopefully not too far in the distant future, when she is ready she'll grab your hand. Meanwhile, just hang in there."
He could only hum a weak sound of agreement because he knew unrequited love could be a real punishment for life.
"But I have never thought intellect and strong personality are one of your criteria." Ting Ting said again, breaking his silence.
"Are you trying to say that I am shallow?" he said in faux-annoyance. "I thought Father wants to cultivate a responsible, capable image for me now, and getting a decent wife will be one of them."
"No, I think he knew this daughter of a strategist would be anything else but an obedient woman that willingly subdued to his will," Ting Ting explained. "I bet he will call for a second wife. A nice, docile woman will be just the thing to project the image he needs…. And to lure you back to debauchery so that he will be in a position of liberty to get rid of your first wife."
"And he thinks marrying Zetian would be any different?" he said sardonically. "I bet she'll be keeping knives under our bed."
Ting Ting breathed deeply and turned her head to look at the garden, lit-up lanterns swaying gently in the wind. "I tell you what….if you can convince Mulan to marry you, I will tell Father that I support your decision."
"You… you will?" he croaked. While he was his father's pride, It was Ting Ting was the apple of his heart.
"I'm fully aware that I might need your reciprocated endorsement when it comes to Ling," she said in a matter-of-factly tone.
"Oh...So this is bribery?" he said with an unimpressed tone.
"Let's face it, none of our potential partners made it into our father's spouse list," Ting Ting explained. "But I know, in due time Father will accept her."
Shao gave her a skeptical look. "Is that you or the alcohol talking?"
Ting Ting swatted his hand. "I'm being serious!"
"Father had never changed his mind about anything."
"Let her be the first."
"What makes you so sure?"
She stared at him like he was an idiot for not figuring it out. "Because Mulan can turn you into a better person without changing you into someone other than yourself!"
He blinked and fell quiet for a few seconds before realizing. "You stole a line from a novel or something?"
"Shush, I am trying to have a moment here!"
"Sorry," he said unapologetically.
"Now you, Mister," she poked him on the chest. "Need to know how to steal a girl's heart… " and she trailed off when she caught someone in the corner of her eyes through the nearly withered roses bush. It was Mulan, cluelessly wandering around perhaps looking for the right entrance that was weaved into the maze door into the Emperor's sanctum.
"You can do this," she whispered.
The melancholy returned to him."It doesn't matter if she'll never love me back."
Ting Ting just stared for a few long moments, but then she smiled, widely and fondly. And if that didn't knock the socks off him, the hug that followed sure did.
"Go get her," she said. "Just be yourself. Love her freely. I know she'll come around. And then, twenty years from now... you'll have eight perfect children and I'd be the cool aunt who gave them all booze, enormous waistlines, and cavity. Yes, I know. You can thank me later."
Mulan thought she would prefer to hide inside her guest quarters, but after a night of no sleep, the next day, when the sun began to descend, she found herself unable to hold back the nagging question in her head. So she walked back to the Emperor's sanctum.
Through the opening of the gate, she saw Shao Wei and Ting Ting sitting side by side on a garden bench, talking and shoving food in each other's mouths, occasionally laughing and exchanging deadpan stares.
Mulan knew that Shao Wei wasn't that old, only twenty-two, but he tended to wear those years rather heavily while he had to keep up with his complicated life and kept himself apart from everyone. As she watched him with his little sister, the years melted away and she saw a glimpse of the boy he must have been during simpler times.
After hugging her brother, Ting Ting left not long after, so Mulan quietly tapped on the door and let the guard escort her in.
"Hey," she said, which was a completely unorthodox way to greet a prince.
Shao looked over his shoulder, looking a little surprised. "Hey."
"You are not coming here to turn me into tonight's dumpling filling are you?"
"No, why do you think that?"
"I don't know," he shrugged, chewing the piece of peach in his mouth. "You were carrying that 'I'll-chop-you-to-a-thousand-pieces-and-feed-your-corpse-to-the-birds' kind of look yesterday."
She snorted ungracefully. "What kind of reaction do you expect when your friend-turned-emperor proposes to you barely three months after your husband's death….and then tells you that you're pregnant?"
"Uhm yeah," he said softly. "I guess… that's a lot to take in. I'm sorry. Just forget I have ever said anything."
Shao patted the empty side of the bench and scooted so she could sit next to him. He could smell her agarwood soap, and it took a physical effort to pull his mind out of the gutter.
"Candy?" he offered her. "Mind you, I am not paying your dentist bill."
She took one small piece, observed it in her hand before popping it into her mouth. "By the gods, this stuff can send my grandma into an instant glucose coma."
"Ting Ting's favorite. It has an ungodly amount of sugar and cinnamon."
"It's a miracle that she still has such a pristine smile," she remarked.
"Don't give this to your perky friend, Ling. He might lose whatever he had left."
They sat in silence for a while. Mulan inhaled the beautiful surroundings laid in front of her. The garden was a little bit too generous to be called a garden. Numerous willow and cherry trees with lanterns hanging above them, well-manicured grass with a small brook cutting through its middle. "It's beautiful here. This is... indeed… very privileged."
"Are you talking to… me?"
"No, I am talking to the bench, Shao. Of course I am talking to you!"
He shrugged. "Sometimes you talk to your horse-friend, Khan... or maybe an invisible bug-pal..."
She raised her brow at him.
"Don't look at me like that. You often talk to your empty shoulder!"
At that moment, Mulan wanted to blame it all on Mushu.
"If you have a condition, you better tell me now, " he said. "It's nothing to be ashamed of."
She slapped him on the back and paid him with an annoyed look.
"Ouch!" he flinched. "You know, I think this dialogue is going very well. I'm not dead!"
"Very funny," she said, narrowing her eyes at him critically.
"Here, have some pork buns. It will hopefully douse your murderous intent." He placed the basket on her lap. She mouthed silent gratitude and popped one into her mouth, sighing contentedly as the flavor of soy, garlic, and other fattening ingredients melted on her tongue.
"Mulan. Do you ever feel... like a stranger to yourself?" he suddenly asked.
She paused her munching. "Yes… yes in fact I do. Why?"
"No, it's just so strange to be back. Uncle is gone, Father is leaving soon... and suddenly I was presented with the throne. I just… it just feels weird. Like I am living someone else's life."
She rested her head on her palm. "You are… afraid?"
"A little bit."
He tore his contemplative gaze from the ornamental palace garden, staring down at his own hands. "I'm really sorry for what I said yesterday. I was being selfish and insensitive," he added slowly, glancing at her. When she didn't respond, he elbowed her lightly. "Royal apologies aren't easy to come by, you know?"
"No kidding," she replied with such a deadpan expression that it made Shao laugh.
"Yeap, the understatement of the century!"
"By the way... I owe you an apology too," she said quietly. "I was in shock, I mean… pregnant?...With a baby?"
"No. With a fruit!" he deadpanned. "Mulan, of course it is a baby. Except Shang is a type of vegetable with amazing abs."
"See?" she said, making a circular motion with her finger by her head.
He crossed his arm. "Harsh!"
"I am not. It's just the truth said unkindly."
He gave her a stern look for a second but couldn't hold it much longer and burst out laughing.
"He will definitely kill you if he heard that," she muttered, quietly biting her smile. Although Shang's interaction with Shao was often clouded with testosterone banter, the two men's unorthodox friendship was hard to deny.
"But I can see why you marry him. Because of his heart... and his abs…" She rolled her eyes at him, making his grin grow a fraction wider. "But mostly his heart."
He cracked a toothy smile when he saw her pouting to cover her amusement.
"What?"
"No, it's just good to see you smile," he said, this time sounding a bit more serious. "Look, I'm really sorry about Shang. I know I'm going to miss him…. " And he reached for her hand, grasping it gently. "I bet you do too."
She swiftly turned her face away, not wanting him to see the tears in every mention of Shang's name. Ping would have cried too. But eventually, Ping would face death and separation like a soldier, why was Mulan any different?
"Yes... I would miss… Shang." Her breath caught in her throat together with pummelling emotion as she uttered his name. "But a thing isn't beautiful because it lasts," she replied with hopeful eyes. "In fact, quite the opposite. You know, I am glad I can remember him as a friend….and a hero. If he were alive now, who knew how he felt about knowing what I've done…" she grunted and shook her head. "He'll hate me."
"Probably," he replied, for the lack of a better diplomatic answer.
"By the way...How do you know, actually? I mean… this?" she gestured towards her belly.
"Oh that. I've sent Di-Tan to take care of you once they retrieved you from the Hun's encampment. He reported to me," Shao explained, smirking smugly when Mulan blushed. "I couldn't blame you, it's hard to think about protection when something spontaneous as Captain tall, dark and handsome happened."
"Oh Guan Kim, just kill me already," she turned her back towards him, mortally embarrassed.
They sat in contemplative silence for a moment until Shao began.
"Mulan, I need to tell you something…"
That moment, she turned to him, listening.
"Remember the first time we met? I offered to train you so you can pass as a soldier?" He winced, bracing for impact. "The truth was, Altan and I planned to assassinate the Khan... so I need to groom someone to do the job."
"You….what?" If it wasn't because her heart was already trained from the shock of the wedding proposal and pregnancy news yesterday, she might have had a cardiac arrest on the spot.
"Sorry," he squeaked.
"But… why? I mean why not Wu… or Shang who have a better capacity in..."
"I picked you because you are the wittiest, yet smaller and seem weakest," he reasoned.
"I can't tell if you just insulted or complimented me," Mulan commented after a moment. "Like, you kind of just called me a winner and failure in the same sentence."
"It's a compliment! What could be better than the deadliest weapon wrapped inside a cute sugar-coated sweet that could blast you into a thousand pieces?"
Mulan gave him a look. "Then...What happened to that plan?"
He gazed at her. "I changed my mind. No… I mean," he cleared his throat."...You've changed my mind."
"I… I did?" she didn't expect that answer.
"Yes, you've…" He bit his lips, remembering how many times he nearly lost her. "What you've done for your father, for your teammates, for our country... even for your enemy. Yes, you are a loyal soldier, but…..you are… different." He paused, arranging his thoughts. "So...I told myself, I can be different too. If I become the Emperor, China won't be at war. I mean, I'm sorry for what happened to the Huns' warriors, to General Li, my uncle… and to Shang. But there is no need to avenge them. We don't have to punish the surviving Huns. We can choose peace."
Mulan was still stunned when he continued. "And I….I have to admit this: I asked for your hand in marriage not just to protect your reputation or give your child the best possible future. Part of it is…. but the rest, I am doing it selfishly….for myself."
Mulan tilted her head. "And that is?"
He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "I have Chi-Fu meticulously dug up the law regarding the ordination of the Son of Heaven. It stated that the Emperor needed to pick at least one wife as the requirement to sit on the throne."
"Oh..." She didn't know whether to feel used or honored.
"I don't want to marry Zetian. And I had a strong hunch that she doesn't want to marry me either. There is too much grunge between us both, partly because she always thinks my father and I are both predatory throne riders who always aimed to steal the title of the Emperor. The only hurdle is because my cowardly father thinks it is best to fulfill my uncle's death wish."
"But sometimes life isn't just about what we want, right?" Mulan commented.
"I know," he sighed. "So...I am going to wait until the council decides whether I am ready to be ordained in my own right… I will prove to her that I am not stealing anyone's throne. I am here because people think I am ready to serve my country and my people. And I thought," he cleared his throat, stealing a glance at her. "It would be helpful to have a forward thinker like you on my side."
Mulan's eyes widened. "Me?"
"If you are….my….consort," he stuttered. "Automatically there is power and entitlement that comes with the position." And he brightened. "I want you to be the head of Imperial Strategist. You can help me rebuild the country, not as a vast kingdom, but as a small, peaceful one."
"You're not serious," she said, blinking. "I had one lucky shot in one fight and you want me to...what? Turn me into some wuxia novel heroes?"
"Twice!" he held up his finger. "Y'know what... sometimes it's the very people who no one imagines can do anything are the ones who do the things no one can imagine," he paused. "Along the line of nearly incinerating the Royal Councilor alive or feeding the Prince some pigs food."
Mulan put up her hand. "Right I know… I know... I can be a badass warrior and barely functioning adult at the same time."
Shao paid her with an amused look. "That's an accurate statement."
Mulan pondered for a moment before saying, "What about Princess Zetian? Won't she…get upset about this? I mean… I am a nobody, an outsider. I am not even a drop of noble blood. If you gave me all the titles and benefits… wouldn't she feel betrayed?"
Shao nodded to himself. "I'm afraid, inevitably Zetian and I have to marry to satiate the political demand. She would become my empress, eventually, it's just a matter of time." He observed his hand, the ring with dragon insignia that signified the future of its beholder. "Honestly, she is far more equipped and suitable leader material than me. She always was... but I doubt the traditional bunch of men that make up the council would allow that." And he looked up at her. "But you can show them that they are wrong, that a woman like you managed to overcome everything that was meant to destroy you."
She pressed her lips together. "You think too highly of me."
"Well, I need all the help I can get. I am not even sure I can make it as good ruler that our people deserve. Have you seen the face of the board of council when the Emperor's decree to make me king was read?" he exhaled, deep and slow. "They think I won't ever be a good leader like him."
Mulan stared at him. "Doesn't that sound all familiar?"
Shao shifted in his seat, suddenly looking uncomfortable. "What do you mean?"
"Isn't that what your father tried to live up to all these years? To be like your uncle?"
"But I am nothing like my father!" he snapped.
"I didn't say that," Mulan said, a little taken aback by Shao's sudden outburst. "Why do you… resent him so much? I mean yes, he plotted to kill his own brother, but then he admitted his action and showed deep remorse. One mistake did not make him a bad man, and certainly, he is far more experienced than any of us in this political minefield. You may want to reverse the order of his exile so that he…—"
"Not a bad man, my eye! You don't know him! And he...he is definitely not someone I am trying to be!" he gritted out. "Damn it!"
It was no secret that the relationship between the Wei family was complicated. Mulan didn't want to say anything hurtful. So, she gave Shao a moment to cool down before staring into his eyes, looking for the truth. "Shao...I'm sorry, I don't mean to insult you," she said patiently. "I was just stating what I've observed….as a friend."
The murderous fire in his eyes was immediately doused as he realized he had acted unreasonably childish.
"I have, in fact, faced the same dilemma as you do." Mulan sighed, reliving the memory. "When I married Shang, I had to go through strict vocational training that both my parents and Shang's believed would turn me into a perfect wife. I was trying so hard… and failing. But I couldn't stop myself. I was… I was so desperate to gain my in-law's approval, Shang's approval…" And she fixed him with a significant look. "...without realizing I was… trying to be someone I am not."
Her confession seemed to strike a very dear chord in his heart. Shao slumped in his seat.
"My uncle was always deemed as the wiser one," he uttered weakly. "He was… the braver of the two. The best at everything. Now as the new emperor, I will be constantly benchmarked against him. And who am I to stand against his standard? I haven't fought in many battles. I haven't read many books of wisdom. I haven't gone through the things that made my uncle the leader that he was."
"But you are not him," she smiled encouragingly. "You can't be everything to everyone and still stay true to yourself."
He stared into the distance for a long time. Deep impression carved on his face. "My uncle made a decision to keep fighting battles that already started when he was young. To punish children for the crime their parents committed. To avenge his parents. To live the dream of his successor." He scoffed lightly. "I don't want to be that kind of leader. I want to be a leader who is loved….not feared. An eye for an eye only ends up making the world blind."
Her heart aches for him, for this man who allows people to believe the worst of him when he's trying so hard to be better. "Shao, I've read of a lot of men who wanted to own the world, but never one who wanted to save it," she said with a strong voice and a kind, encouraging smile. "I know you can save it."
He returned her sentiment, "Thank you."
"Shao," she began again. "I think…. I'm going to say yes."
"Yes, to what?"
"To marry you," she said simply.
Shao's mind had lost all oxygen. "Wait… what?" he nearly swallowed his own tongue.
"I'll marry you," she clarified. "Let's save this world….together."
"No…" He bit his lips like having second thoughts. "I don't think a sham marriage will suit you. Besides… you don't know how vicious the women in the harem can be. You won't be the only woman there. And I... No. I mean. It's not… it's not like I want to marry anyone else," he fumbled, losing his usual eloquence. "You… you don't know what you signed up for. This may be dangerous…"
"I would be disappointed if it wasn't," she paid him with a teasing smile.
"Not just that. The tabloids… They loved me. No one else does," he said with extreme melancholy. "Mulan, they'll give you hell!."
"Then we'll endure it together," she retorted firmly. "We'll make it work."
"How? People do not normally arrange their own marriage or choose their own spouse. It's normally up to the parents… or situation… or..." he trailed off.
"But we're not like other people. We care for each other in our own way, and we can have the life together that we want. You won't be the perfect husband? I can promise you that I harbored no intention of being the perfect wife. I'll not be fixing my make-up and fussing over my hair all day when you come home from the council meeting, will I? I'll work. You'll work. And we'll have each other's company. We'll have each other's minds. Sounds like a better marriage than most. Because I care for you. And you care for me. And we understand one another more than anyone else ever has. We'll be the best partner in crime. You look after the world, I look after you. Deal?"
By then he didn't dare to look at her, emotions welling in his eyes. When he told her the truth, he thought that she would look at him with disgust. Which dignified man had made use of his friend? Which noble soul dared to offer a girl a sham marriage? But here she was, looking at him with her kind, compassionate eyes. At that moment, he had no doubt: she was the best person—the only person—he could trust with his heart.
"Shao?" She touched his hands when he failed to respond.
He quickly cleared his throat and straightened his figure. "Where… where were we?" he sputtered. Looking down, he saw her hand holding his. A concerned look cascaded over her eyes. It felt wrong to want this to be real. But it's nice to have someone here, and even better when that someone wasn't trying to control him. She just wanted what was best for him.
"Let's fix the date to meet my father then."
"Woah, wait," she caught his arm as he stood up. "You think… your father can accept… someone like me?"
"Well, he has lived with a prolific gambler, compulsive spender, and philanderer for more than two decades. Having you will be an upgrade," he said with a toothy smile. "Now, brace yourself to meet someone exponentially more annoying than Chi-Fu."
She grinned. "I promised I'd try not to barbecue him."
She excused herself from the Emperor's sanctum, Shao watched as she waved her hand like a five-year-old girl from over the fence. "Good night, Prince of Wei!"
"Goodnight, Ping!" He returned. He sighed despite himself, watching her figure disappear in the distance.
The world might not know how great a woman she was… but someone did.
Later on at the Palace of Wei…
"The King of the Mongols, Your Honor," announced one of the guards.
"Let him in," Wei Zhang jerked his head as a signal.
The door pulled wide open. Striding in was the Great Khan himself, donned in a modest deel and civilian robe. He was alone, no one seemed to accompany him except his footman who was in charge of his horse.
"This is a surprise. I wonder what took you here?" Wei Zhang said coldly.
"Can't I just want to get together with an old friend and chat?" the Great Khan asked, sounding far too innocent.
"Forgive me for assuming you have an ulterior motive," Wei Zhang remarked dryly. "But war just ended a few months ago, and I hope you remember how many Chinese people your soldiers have killed."
Kaidu laughed at that. "We are even at the moment. Shan Yu killed your General, and then he died at the hand of your General's son, isn't that karmic justice? That's why I sent my men here last week to propose a truce."
Wei Zhang stared at him for a long moment. He remembered those eyes, during the simpler times, when they could visit each other's palace, their children would go out and play together, when they trusted each other with their lives. But decades of tension, broken promises, and bloodshed had torn those trusts apart.
"Are you sure you came here for nothing else?" Wei Zhang asked, signaling his servant to take some tea and fruits.
"I'll come to that," he said, placing himself at the far end of the settee. "Is everything alright, my friend?" he asked, observing how disquieted Wei Zhang was.
"He's courting someone behind my back," Wei Zhang ground out, his jaw tight.
Kaidu chuckled. "Shao Wei? Well, that's not so bad. Isn't it about the time? The war ended and perhaps a wedding is on the horizon, what could be better?" But seeing Wei Zhang's displeased face he went on. "Tell me, what worries you other than a gold-digging prostitute with ample bosom?"
"He hasn't told me, but the rumor holds that she is a former strategist's daughter. Her father used to work for Xiongnu. My foolish son is interested in a veteran's daughter who served my brother! Can you believe it?" And her former husband was the man who killed your General, finished Wei Zhang in his head, but he decided to keep the secret to himself.
"Good for him, no?" he responded amusedly. Despite the troubles, their families had had in the past. Kaidu was one of the people that knew the sort of headache that situation presented, having dealt with the issue himself when Altansarnai briefly showed interest in one of the Chinese merchants as a gesture of protest when he gave her to be wedded by Shan Yu. Despite his age, Shan Yu was the most prominent Huns General, and marrying him to his daughter would only be deemed as a permanent tie to strengthen their family bonds and loyalty.
"Altansarnai was the same, I had made my displeasure clear, but she always tended to do her own thing and was stubborn as an ox," he chuckled. "Say what… since he is selecting a consort, why not take the opportunity to wed him to Altan as well. Take it as a bridge of our political stand."
Wei Zhang should've been surprised by the suggestion considering many years ago, he was the one who put the exact same offer on the table, to which Kaidu blatantly refused. Now, since the death of his formidable general and the rise of Shao to the throne of Wei, the table has turned.
"Now that your brother, the almighty Emperor Xiongnu, has died. There is no man who will oppose the way you or Shao Wei run the country. I know from the start that you are the better of the two of you. It's just how unfairness in this world works… putting the wise, peace-loving ruler below his older, tyrannical, power-hungry brother."
"You can't be serious," he responded dismissively.
"Oh, what do I look like?"
Wei Zhang gave him a look. "My soldier just massacred notable Hun's men and women, slaughtered your General, burnt your family under that roof. You can't seriously offer your only daughter to wed into the country that inflicted you that much sorrow, can you?"
Kaidu regarded him with serious eyes. "I knew it wasn't your doing, Wei Zhang. It wasn't you that sent those armies. It might be your Admiral, your Generals, or even Shao Wei….but I knew it wasn't you."
"But he will be…"
But Kaidu immediately shot down his argument. "I'm doing this for the welfare of my country. For our future. Our country's future. So my feelings, my anger… my vengeance... would have to wait. Altan knew this too."
Wei Zhang waved an impatient hand. "It would never work, both are rebellious and impulsive. No offense, but look at what she did to you. Starting a guerrilla movement against you? Plotting your assassination? And Shao is a man of no commitment, your daughter has to have certain endurance and ignorance not to be offended by his philandering. And hell we wished their ties would strengthen the unity of our country, it would certainly be the opposite."
Kaidu snorted derisively. "Next thing you'll be telling me is that Shao is going to start a family." He chuckled before finishing off his tea and setting the cup down with a thunk.
Starting a family. The word flashed through Wei Zhang's mind and his first instinct was to deny it as foolishness. Shao Wei, ready for a family? No doubt he'd grown up quite a bit in the last year but he highly doubted her son was the sort to be pinned down to marriage, let alone a family. Concubine maybe, but never a wife. But he couldn't verbalize his thoughts with conviction anymore since his son seemed to be blindly besotted to this mysterious woman.
"That's not happening. I had never heard of any girl becoming Shao's permanent interest, let alone thinking about a family. He had courted many women. This is just a phase, just like any other."
"The point is, Shao Wei could not participate in such coalition anymore. As I retire from my post, he is next on the throne of China after Xiongnu. He needs to start acting like it. My brother hates you fervently, pairing my son with the daughter of the person who had previously wanted the Emperor's head only spells out damnation to my family."
Truthfully, Wei Zhang would want to outrightly disapprove of Fa Mulan. When Shao Wei told him he had a good candidate as his future wife, a widower of non-nobility background was the last person he would ever guess. Wei Zhang pictured a respectable girl that would understand that she would marry not just a man, but also the throne. Zetian certainly would fit the brief. She undoubtedly would make the perfect society partner; the sort of woman who turned a blind eye to her husband's infidelities, who looked good on his arm and said willing to endure all sorts of heartache to put her husband's reputation first.
During the months after Shao Wei disappeared quietly to the battlefront, nameless woman after nameless woman had come to the door, claiming to be pregnant with the Wei family scion. All lies, of course, but the gold diggers had sensed a vulnerability, blood in the water, and were quick to exploit it. Marrying a young, powerful prince off would afford the family certain protections from situations like that. He wondered what kind of girl had made his son more than eager to jump straight into marital bed. Was she devilishly beautiful it's impossible for any man to resist? Was she one of these money-hungry vixens who had lured her son with many lustful promises in exchange for a marriage? There was only one way to find out.
"But this is exactly why Shao should wed my daughter," he heard Kaidu say, interrupting his own mental musing. "Altan is a warrior in her own right. She is independent and would be able to protect him if she were allowed by his side. You have witnessed it yourself how dangerous the position as an Emperor was. Whether it was your father, Xiong-nu or soon… Shao Wei, there would be people who would want him dead."
"That is if she hadn't murdered him first. Remember that jealous women are the most lethal thing," Wei Zhang argued.
"So are women thirsty for power and money. What makes you think that Mulan or Zetian wouldn't do that? I dared say, among all the contenders, my daughter was the only one with real feelings for your son. She already let him go to find his happiness once….because she truly loves him."
Wei Zhang threw himself on the settee. "Where are you getting at?"
Kaidu sighed. "Wei Zhang, there are other reasons other than Altan that I need to discuss with you."
"Go on."
"Shan-Yu and Altan's wedding was not publicized outside the inner circle of the Huns warrior. It was a well-guarded secret among all of us…..so we thought." Kaidu paced around the room, stroking his beard. "Yet, the ambush was astonishingly accurate to the point that whoever carried this knew exactly what time the wedding was supposed to commence. I got lucky just because Altan forgot to wear her mother's bracelet and I escorted her back to her room. Minutes later, the explosive went off. And guess what... no survivors, except Altan and I… and Hayabusa."
That caught Wei Zhang's attention. "Hayabusa? Your… strategist?"
He nodded. "He said he wasn't feeling well. Out of the twenty years, he served me, he had only been ill once. Which makes me think…"
Wei Zhang chuckled. "I heard the order to massacre your clan is coming from Shao Wei. And only one person in this world could possibly leak anything to him."
Kaidu shook his head. "I know my daughter is a complex character. She would kill me, Shan-Yu….or even kill herself, yes, but her humanity would prevent her from killing those who were there merely to follow our orders."
Wei Zhang coolly topped up their cup with more alcohol. "So...you honestly don't think that the order to massacre all the Hun's warriors and Generals came from Shao Wei?"
"If it was him, he would have sent Altan away. However foolish her unrequited feeling is for your lover boy—yes, Shao might not feel the same way—but he would never intentionally hurt her, not in that sense."
Wei Zhang made a frustrated noise. "So, what to do now? What's the meaning of this?"
"Well, my friend," Kaidu said, placing his empty ceramics back on the tray and paying him a slight bow of gratitude. "I hope you consider my offer of allegiance. Two are stronger than one."
"You already know my answer," Wei Zhang said firmly.
"Right," the Great Khan nodded. "Then, I suggest you begin to watch your back… and your son's back. It seems to me there are people who want both your throne and mine."