He was cunning, Zetian must admit. She always thought that Shao was witty and calculative but not this clever. It was indeed a genius idea: his sister didn't have to marry the Khan and the Chinese won the war with very little damage. The added bride was just an unexpected bonus.
"I guess I was wrong in thinking he is not ready for the throne."
"He could've told me he had a better plan to end the war," Zetian scoffed and Suiko spat her tea.
"You called blowing up a bunch of attendees during a wedding procession is a better plan?" Suiko shook her head, laughing sarcastically. "I better make sure I did nothing to offend or one of your generals will crash my wedding next."
"Either hunt or be hunted," Zetian snorted.
"You know, it's been one crazy week, and guess what?" Suiko paused for suspense. "I made friends with… Fa Mulan."
Suiko waved her hand at her aghast expression. "Don't worry, I'm not betraying you. You still get to hide any dead body if I kill anyone," she grinned. Yes, no one could compare her, the pinnacle of elegance, grace and superiority to the plain, ordinary Fa Mulan.
"I just don't get why she dressed like an old hag. On a brighter side, she didn't mind being insulted," Suiko chuckled. "I like her."
It was no surprise that Fa Mulan survived Suiko's tongue-lashing purgatory. She was one mad woman to single handedly challenge the male member of her council. If those men wanted to dismember her body, Zetian could hardly blame them. Fa Mulan was stubbornness incarnate.
Suiko tapped her chin contemplatively. "Perhaps I should invite her too to my wedding."
Zetian gave her an unamused stare. "Her madness seems to be contagious."
"It'll make it feel less like a funeral–full of people who are sad and pretend to look happy."
"I'm sorry," Zetian suddenly felt awful. She gave Suiko an apologetic squeeze on her hand. If there was a suitable suitor for Suiko, she always imagined a strapping, young warrior or a brave adventurer. Satoru Hideo was nothing like that. He was Suiko's father's former business partner, a guy twenty five years her senior. He proposed to Suiko so his family could foot the bill of her ailing father. Everyone in her family disagreed, and so were most of her friends. The only consolation Suiko had was because Satoru was a decent man who loved her father as much as she was. And she thought that was enough.
"I told you, I can always fund your father's…"
"And I told you no," Suiko retorted firmly. "My father won't be happy if he knew we are using connections and nepotism to pay his bill."
Zetian wanted to say that sometimes lies were a better alternative than truth. But she figured that nothing good ever born of lies. Look at her life and Shao's. They were a bunch of cowards who much rather telling a lie to satisfy everyone than to tell the truth that hurt them.
"Anyway, I got something better than a dead body!" Suiko smirked, attempting to lighten the mood. She paused and rubbed her palm together, building anticipation. "The baby Fa Mulan is having…is not Shao's. It's her dead husband. Her marriage to Shao was a complete coverup."
Zetian tried to appear composed and unaffected, but by looking at Suiko's sly grin, it must've been the exact reaction she was looking for.
"You look shocked… but happy," Suiko pointed out when a small smile crept on her face.
"No I don't," she denied, smothering her look of joy. So, Mulan's marriage to Shao was all a ruse. Zetain didn't really understand why but it was hardly relevant. Having a reminder of her dead lover would make it less likely for Fa Mulan to fall in love with whoever men in front of her. So her inappropriate elation could be forgiven. "She told you?"
"Yes. She went on long and wide about a guy called Shang. I had to stop her when her eyes turned glassy."
She just stared at Suiko for a long moment, digesting the news. Zetian remembered the handful of times she met the young, handsome captain. It made sense. It would be hard to move on from that.
"Does… Shao know?"
"He does, I asked him. He was cool about being a fake dad. He said it was a fake marriage after all. Although, if you asked me…it doesn't look so fake," Suiko clicked her tongue, amused at the absurdity of the situation. "I don't know who was being deceived here, everyone else…or him?"
An excellent actor as he was, Shao was still human with feelings. He might have fooled the world, but he couldn't fool a woman who loved him. He loved Mulan, Zetian was sure about it. She wouldn't lie if that didn't sting a bit. No, in fact, it stung a lot.
"Men are morons," Suiko glanced idly at her conflicted face. How could he choose Mulan first over her?
At first, Zetian didn't get it either. For a man as powerful as Shao, as handsome and rich as he to deny all the beautiful virgin in order to be saddled with a peasant-widower like Mulan. It felt like stupidity. It felt like foolishness. She wished she could despise Mulan outright, or felt contempt at the mention of her name. But knowing how much Mulan revered her as her Empress and how the girl was awfully loyal to her now-departed Captain Li Shang, it was kind of hard not to respect that.
"But I take it Shao also has been treating you well," Suiko pronounced, throwing a dirty smile. "You are positively glowing. I'd say you have a chance of winning your husband's heart."
"Consort Fa can have all his heart for all I care!" Zetian grounded out, trying to sound indignant to conceal the burning on her cheeks. If Mulan didn't give what their husband needed, it was reasonable that Shao came to her instead.
Suiko raised her brows. "Don't you feel… jealous? betrayed? Or…used? "
"No. Heavens no," she laughed and surprised at her own candidness. Having Yan Shu really helped her looked past Shao's transgression and his illogical favouritism. It almost helped her to… forgive him.
"Really?" Suiko gave her a strange look.
"I told you. I am not a hopeless romantic that will blindly follow my heart like he is," she deflected her suspicion. Shao was an idiot, he should know from the start that his sentiment towards Mulan won't ever get reciprocated. Now he was stuck looking at the woman he could never have. And as a girl who had a one-sided crush with her childhood friend since forever, Zetian knew precisely just how violently hurtful it was. It didn't stop hurting until Yan Shu came into her life.
"Can I tell you something? Something… crazier?"
Suiko crossed her arms, clearly sceptical that whatever she divulged would top her recent incredible intel. "Go on."
"I think I'm pregnant…"
"That's…good news." Suiko was mildly surprised. Everyone knew what happened when a couple got married. And knowing how industrious Shao had been in the love-making department, working it out what would happen next wasn't exactly rocket science. "Good news, but not crazy."
Zetian shook her head, "That's not the crazy part."
She signalled Suiko to lean closer so she could safely whisper into her ears.
Suiko froze, eyes wide, mouth hanging open, completely paralyzed. Zetian didn't even know whether that was an expression of utter happiness or devastation. It was kind of hard to tell.
"Promise me you won't tell him or anyone," Zetian snatched her pinkie and twined it with her. "Promise me!"
"I…" Suiko stared into her friend's eyes. Zetian had never worried about her own life, she was always thinking about others.
"I promise," she finally said, smiling earnestly as she tightened the lacing of their finger. "In return, you must promise me one thing too..."
"What is it?"
Swiftly Suiko tugged her, embracing her into a zealous hug and whispered. "Promise me that someday you'll do something for your own happiness."
It was a beautiful morning in April when Mulan was finally set for her honeymoon. Ting Ting had agreed to take care of the children, and Baoxi promised he would write every single thing they did everyday. And when Mulan thought nothing could add to the happiness that swell in her chest, came a grey stallion, his mane was long and wavy like a thunderstorm.
"Hi there," she approached the horse, stroking his mane affectionately.
A voice came from behind her. "You love horses, right?"
She whirled around to see Shao was standing there, holding a new saddle on one arm, a big smile decorating his face.
He expertly placed the saddle on the horse and stepped back to see her reaction.
"This is Fengbao, your new horse," he introduced, watching her eyes lit up as she admired the stallion. Fengbao. Thunderstorm. She thought it was a perfect name.
"Where did you get him?" she caressed the horse mane and the horse let a happy rumble.
"Long story, just say we are saving him from being someone's dinner."
Mulan gasped, mortified. "He was set to be slaughtered?"
"But here we are!" he spread his arms, and she looked relieved at his decision. "I hope you are happy with him."
She swiftly wiped the tears that unknowingly formed on the corner of her eyes. On a day like this she didn't know whether she was a worthy recipient of his unrelenting affection. "I know I will."
She embraced Fengbao's neck and kissed the horse on his cheek. "You are the best gift for me."
Shao smiled, "And you are the best gift to me".
"So… they left for their honeymoon," Chien-Po said, looking twice over his shoulder as if worried someone might hear him.
"I'd say it's a little too late. I mean, they've been married for a little over a year already, what's even the point of a honeymoon. Perhaps just an excuse to waste the excess of provincial budgets from last year." Yao interjected, sipping his beer with one noisy gulp.
"This sham marriage… somehow turn up… looking a little too real, don't you think? I mean the holding hands, the kiss on the lips last lunar new year, and now… honeymoon?" Chien-Po pointed out. "From this angle, dare I say they are not faking it." Ling glanced at Ting Ting who sat across the table from him, looking a little tense.
"Well," Yao shrugged noncommittally. "I am just amazed how she managed to rope two steamy bachelors while cross dressing as a man. I'd say Mulan would make an excellent secret agent candidate," he clicked his tongue with an open admiration. "But having a baby with a rich dad is a way to go. Better financial stability for the future and minimal mortality risk on the field."
Ling frowned, "She was not banging the prince, you know that right? It's just the impression she was trying to make by marrying Shao Wei so the Fa's family won't suffer any defamation now that she fell pregnant while Shang was in Wuzong."
"So the baby…?"
"It's Captain Li's," Ling informed with a low voice. When Yao looked like about to throw another question, he raised his hand, halting him. "Please don't ask me where and when they made this, I leave that to your imagination."
"So this sham marriage was… her idea?"
"No. It was my brother's," came Ting Ting's exasperated voice. Who might have thought the most coveted stag in the Middle Kingdom assiduously fought for an average looking widower? "For the record, he'd done stupider things in his life for a pretty face. Thank goodness Mulan is such a nice girl by the way. I am actually glad to have her as my sister-in-law, even when it's just a fake."
Yao blinked, "So, if this is just a sham, so far they haven't…"
"Don't ask me," Ting Ting made a deflective motion. "But if you must ask my opinion ... .I said they haven't."
Chien-Po's jaw fell open, to which Su kindly closed it as she patted his back. "I'm sure you are not the only one who is surprised."
"Sham or not, that's hell of abstinence," Chien-Po said after finding his voice.
"If I should remind you, her late husband's grave was still warm," Ling sounded annoyed at his friend's reaction.
"It's not like Prince Shao Wei is an unattractive, scrawny little twerp… a malnourished runt with a strange teeth and twig for a neck," Yao muttered as he toyed with his mug, but managed to steal a mischievous glance at Ling, who glared at him in return."If I married a sex god, faking it or not, it's felt like a lost opportunity if I didn't bang him. Yeap, for the sake of womankind everywhere, she better be banging him!"
Ting Ting coughed, "A sex god?! You called my brother a sex god?"
"What? You got a better name for him?" Yao challenged. "Like what? Prince Hottie Great Butt? Or mister Hunk-Kee-Gai?"
"You clearly have issues with people's ass," Ling remarked.
Chien-Po tapped his double chin, "To be fair, Mulan did change a lot too. Who thought a tomboy, clumsy Ping can look that gorgeous?" Yes, thanks to Baoxi the fashion guru, the transformation had been phenomenal.
"And guess what? she actually has bosoms!" Yao added. Meihui elbowed him.
"What?" he exclaimed in faux-annoyance. "Just because I have a meal doesn't mean I can't see the menu!"
"As long as you don't order," she pouted, clutching his arm possessively. He beamed at her and kissed her forehead, earning a wave of 'aw' from the crowd.
But Ling's face remained serious. "But don't you think at some point we ought to tell her?"
"Tell her what?"
"The summon letter," he said, producing a paper from inside his pocket.
"Ling…" Ting Ting warned him.
"You mean the letter signed by Prince Shao Wei that said…" Chien-Po trailed off, looking mortified at the crumpled parchment.
"LING…!" Ting Ting called loudly from across the table, but Ling ignored her. The last time he and Mulan kept away secrets from each other, it nearly tore their friendship apart. Since then, they had vowed to each other that there would be no more secrets. So far she had kept her promise faithfully: she told him about her sham marriage and about Shang's unborn child. Now, it was his turn to keep his side of the bargain.
"Because I got a feeling that we should."
"You gotta be joking, right?" Yao's brows drew together. "This is possibly the worst ever time to tell her. Imagine, saying: Ping, do you have a good trip? You have a nice tan, the beach has been good on you. By the way, I'm sorry to break this to you, but your super-rich-nice-ass husband who just blew his entire palace budget for your jade necklace, wedding dowry and honeymoon was actually a possessive compulsive jerk who sent your hottie captain to his death," he ended with a scoff. "Nice one."
"I'm with him," Ting Ting said, shooting Yao a sharp look before turning to Ling. "My brother is happy. Mulan is happy. I don't get why you have a problem with that?"
"She deserves the truth!" Ling nearly roared. Next to him, Chien-Po watched with a pinch expression glued on his face."Don't make an enemy with the crocodile that shares your water," he whispered to Ling's ears,"...especially if the crocodile pays your allowance."
Ting Ting narrowed her eyes at Chien-Po, causing the giant to flinch. "Sorry," he squeaked. "Just tryin' to…help?"
"Mulan is happy because she doesn't know," Ling insisted.
"That's exactly the point! Why would we burden her with the knowledge of something she couldn't change? Li Shang is dead, but she is still here. My brother is here. And she can be happy again."
Yao clicked his tongue. "Is that because she is also unaware of your brother's past conquest? He doesn't have a very good track record in dealing with women. All the involvement I heard… we heard," he corrected. "... always have something to do with banging them at some point."
"This is not like any of his past conquests," Ting Ting defended. "As you can see… he has plenty of other options. He is entitled to at least a dozen concubines as an emperor. Yet, he stuck with just two. One he married to satisfy his citizen, and the other to satisfy his heart," and she stared at Ling pointedly. "Anyone can lose their way once… doesn't mean he or she would be lost forever."
Ling stood up, squaring his chest. "Lost or not, still doesn't give us licence to conceal the truth. Mulan needs to know, and your brother has to be ready to bear the consequences."
"Since when has this become our argument?" Ting Ting's voice was climbing.
"Since you made them!" Ling said, letting his mercurial mood spill. "I simply can't lie anymore!"
"Lots of unreleased sexual tension," Yao muttered in the background. Su shook her head disapprovingly and Meihui looked like she was contemplating bashing him in the head with the beer jug.
"Omission is not a lie!"
Ling threw his hand in the air. "Can't you see? You've been in her shoes before. Your father hid the fact your mother was a Hun! A Hun nobility no less. And how did that feel when you finally found out? When you finally squeezed the truth out of him? Isn't that painful? Does that feel like… betrayal?"
"You are my husband, you should be on my side!" she accused him. "And now you are treating me like I am the villain?!"
"Talking to women has never been Ling's strong suit," Yao inserted unhelpfully.
Ling's expression hardened, "And you are my wife, you should…"
"Guys… guys….should we just go out elsewhere to cool off?" Chien-Po interrupted. He covered Yao's mouth with his big hands before the guy managed to pour another load of fuel into the fire with his unhelpful banter.
"I guess this proof that we are not ready to discuss this matter just yet," Su, the ever so peace-keeper, advised. She rubbed Ting Ting's back comfortingly and gave a cue to Chien-Po to do the same to Ling.
"I think it's a good idea to wait for a while before breaking this to Mulan. This is a serious matter that will change everything." Ling chewed his lips, an unconscious habit when he was nervous. If they weren't careful, the hopeful narrative of a happy ending for everyone may have ended in a broken home. Shattered dream.
"That's not a bad idea," Chien-Po nodded, exchanging looks with Ting Ting and Ling who looked like they were regretting the fact they wanted to tear each other's throat just a minute ago.
"Now now, let's kiss and make up," Yao yanked Ling and Ting Ting, linking both parties on their arms. "But angry sex is also not a bad idea. Go for it!"
Meihui slapped him on the back. Her arms on her hip, frowning at him. "Yao!"
"Ouch… sorry, terrible joke!"
They marched outside the tent. Ting Ting came out the last, purposely waiting for him. He said nothing when she took his hand in hers, smothering all the furious spells in his head. He mouthed his apology to which she reciprocated.
"At some point I need to talk to her," Ling reiterated, softly this time.
"Give another year," Ting Ting implored. "At the moment I'm sure her memory of Captain Li is still fresh in her mind. Telling her now will be just ripping the unhealed wound open all over again. But give it some time….. who knows… one day, some day, she loves my brother enough to forgive him."
Sometimes it seemed that Shao was fooling with his own dreams.
He recounted them in his mind. His hands on her shoulders when she stumbled on her own dress. His arms around her small frame when her aim with the bow was shaky. When they sat at the dinner table, he allowed their fingers to brush. And then when she challenged him and he kissed her…
Living in the Harem under the prejudice that she was a gold digger who claimed China's most coveted bachelor was not easy. Mulan had been patient. She had been content to let the rumour mill and obscure the truth, and Shao had been far too happy to play the part.
It's stupid, really. The desperate move of a weak man, a man too afraid to act decisively and put himself out of his own misery. Shao knew it. He knew this would end in heartbreak, but he did it anyway.
Now that he's realised, he's so aware of her, so caught up in the strength of his feelings for her that it paralysed him. So he's struggling to find the right balance, to respect her boundaries for their fake marriage, but he couldn't seem to remember how to embody the easy friendship they used to have.
He thought she noticed, too. Who wouldn't? She started to give him strange looks when he leant over her shoulder to make a barbed comment. Her cheeks turned flushed and she found excuses to change the topic or turned back with satirical comments.
But recently, after that trip to Li's home, things had been… different.
They were sparring, and Mulan managed to disarm his sword in a record time of five minutes and three seconds. She was heaving, grinning at him as she pointed her sword at his chin.
"You're getting better," Shao observed. "That's the longest you've lasted, I think."
Mulan beamed at him, like sunshine, like the dawn, and Shao's chest filled with something pointed and heated and bittersweet.
"I know," she gushed. "I disarmed you. Maybe you're getting a little old…..Your Majesty?"
He snorted, kicking the sword with his foot and pouncing at her, too quickly for her to move, pinned her underneath him. There it was, the best and worst part of the game: their bodies pressed together–he could feel every inch of her underneath him and dear ancestor, it's addictive–he hated himself for doing it, and he hated himself for wanting more.
Normally she would scold him or swore that she'll beat him (before she truly did, like kicked his man parts or bit his arm like that and he would say something like: "Wow, you are dangerous". Yes, he liked danger.). But nowadays, she just laid there, under him, smiling softly and congratulating his victory, like she was enjoying it too.
And he couldn't deny the hope. The dream of what was impossible that now was within his reach.
"Your Highness, are you aware that you can't play favourites?" General Zhi reminded him from time to time.
"And who are you to tell me that?" Shao bristled.
"Your Highness, you've done too much favour for a concubine. Not to mention that you've gained nothing by marrying her: acquired no new allies, wealth nor power."
Shao refrained from rolling his eyes. "Just because I promoted you doesn't mean you can say whatever you like General," he said, trying to mask the indignant edge on his tone.
"I understand you love her. But you can't be too invested with your own feelings. You are an emperor now."
"Is an emperor not entitled to have what he wants? To feel what he feels? And since when has my personal matter become a national interest?"
The general looked at him in the eyes with a look that pierce through his soul. "With all due respect, My Emperor. You know the answer to that question." The General paced in front of it. "You've done well this far, now please don't ruin it."
Shao knew he won the trust of the other Generals when he agreed to send Fa Mulan to lead the aid mission for the earthquake in Hun territory. Maybe not fully, but it certainly is moving in the right direction.
"Ruining things is my expertise."
General Zhi snorted. "That's why I am here, to keep you in check. Given time, they all will support you fully as their king. Isn't unity what you want?"
"What are you trying to say?" Shao bit back.
"I'm saying Consort Fa may or may not be a constant fixture in your life. She is not your priority, your people are! They are the reason you are here. Consort Fa was just a concubine. A vessel of procreation. And before you decide to hang me for pointing it out, have you not seen the way she dressed on a daily basis? The way she carries herself? She is much more interested in riding horses and martial arts than sitting on a council meeting or social soiree," he explained. "She doesn't belong here," he said pointedly. "Not to mention the secret you are keeping from her."
Oh yes, Shao reminisced about all his dark secrets. He signed the letter that Chi Fu drafted and sent his men on that suicide mission. Just a small number of soldiers was a little price to pay for the greater good, so he thought. And she didn't know that he commanded one of his generals to extract his sister whatever the cost even when it meant killing the father of his best friend.
Yes, it wasn't entirely his fault. Shao had let the council decide the details of those missions, the name of people involved, the strategy…. and the cost. He was just the signatory participant in the ploy. But wasn't a good leader would own up to each of his decisions? Afterall, he put his seal on the writ. And his soldier executed them, not exactly to perfection, but enough to achieve the end goal he mandated. Now, the blood was on his hands.
He wished things were different. He wished that he had explicitly named the man that led the lethal conquest into the Hun's ceremonial tent. But the political situation was so dire after his uncle's death, so when a messenger delivered the invitation to Altan's wedding, he did the next most logical thing: to strike back. With his own wedding and coronation to think about, leaving the details of the mission to someone else seemed to be a good decision at that time. He wished he was far more judicious before giving such orders. Now, it had cost him one of his most loyal general's lives.
Shao felt guilty about it, but he couldn't say he regretted it, especially if it meant he would have a chance with the woman that he loved. A chance that he wouldn't otherwise have if Li Shang and General Li Jiang were still alive. He decided that destiny had spoken on his behalf.
"What if someone told Consort Fa about it?" General Zhi's statement broke all the beautiful stained glass in his dream.
Shao narrowed his eyes. General Zhi was the only one holding most of his cards. The other generals perhaps knew part of it, not that they care at the moment for what a concubine was worth. "And if you continue to have your priorities wrong… other generals won't be happy. Do you really believe none of us ever think about removing Emperor Xiongnu after we knew of his deep involvement with a foreign princess? After knowing how much her opinion swayed his judgement, do you honestly think none of the Generals will act upon it?"
So they knew. Perhaps Zetian was right, he was blind. The Generals knew about that illicit affair. Even his father knew! Yes, everyone knew! Was he the only one who was oblivious?
"Watch out, it is my mother you are talking about!" he growled.
"With due respect, Your Highness. Lady Shin-Ye was a wise woman. After a few… incident, she realised her limit and her place in the Chinese court and acted accordingly."
Shao wasn't sure what exactly had happened but whatever it was it must be terrible. She bent her will and became submissive and quiet - just like how he knew her all his life. This was her sacrifice. She decidedly put a distance with Emperor Xiongnu, not just to protect the political cohesion in the palace… but also to protect the man she truly loved from scandal. These people had never approved of a barbarian woman as their princess, let alone an Empress.
"But I doubt Fa Mulan would be as wise."
Shao's hackle raised, "General, are you threatening me?" Even though he showed no sign of physical aggression, he was sure the General read his intimidation just fine.
"No, not at all. It's just a reminder," he said levelly. "When you are in a position of power, you must put the needs of others above your own. Now…show yourself as an emperor worthy of this throne, Your Majesty." He saluted him before leaving.
"Something in your mind?" Shao snapped into attention. His eyes zeroed at Zetian who still had her hands outstretched, offering him a plate of peach. They were sitting by the Palace Garden, enjoying the view of cherry blossoms while waiting for their dinner to be prepared.
"Uh… no, nothing," he took the peach and took a big, ravenous bite, nodding approvingly at the sweet nectar taste on his tongue.
"Baoxi said the Qin's prince, Qinglong, brought his best crops and rolls of mulberry silk for us," she remarked, presenting a letter. "Have a look."
Shao's eyes glazed lazily at the scroll in her hand. It was a letter that presumably came with the gift. Shao didn't have to read it to know. All letters from the dignitary were filled with overdressed statements of adulation that made him cringe. "He doesn't have to do that."
"He just wants to get on our good side. Unlike his older brother, Qinglong," Zetain said, skimming through the content to filter anything important before rolling it back. "If we accept his gift, his brother might see us as an enemy who would get rid of him in favour of his little brother to be king. But if we don't, Prince Hanzu might be offended."
Shao momentarily halted his munching, staring at the peach in his hand before dumping it to the ground. "Then, what do they expect us to do?!"
Zetian didn't seem surprised at his rather rude reply. "I'd say we stay out of this and redirect his gift to the mayor of Xi'an, who informed us about the terrible drought this year. In return, we can give them some of Xi'an's finest metalware. That way, we won't offend both princes."
"Ah," he said after a moment. "Yes…. yes. Good idea." It wasn't just good. It was clever. It was brilliant! Deep down, Shao admitted that Zetian was more tactical than he ever was. At times like this he was thankful she didn't use her smart retort and wittiness to discredit him or to craft a plot of assassination.
Honestly, Shao didn't expect it was going to be this hard to become an Emperor. Every day, he faced hard choices, between truth and lies, between mercy and justice, and between his wants and his people. The wealth and power, contrasting with the responsibility and expectation, would bound to change a person into someone honourable… or despicable.
"Zetian," he suddenly said as they stood there gazing at the well manicured garden. "How long have you known about your father's… affair?"
Zetian was visibly surprised at the change topic, but wasn't at all looking offended. "A long time."
"Are you… okay with it?"
She shrugged, "I figure… he has given a lot for the country, yet he can't have the very thing he wanted. So… who am I to stop him?" Because no one should need to choose between his own happiness and the demands of his subjects.
"You think your father had done the right thing?"
Zetian's face twisted into a scowl, "Don't you dare insult him! I know you hate him, but that kind of judgement is completely unnecessary."
He pressed his lips, voice small, "That's… that's not what I meant. I'm sorry it's come out wrong," he cut his glance to the side, chewing his lips to avoid saying something reckless.. Shao knew how much Zetian loathed him, yet she married him because she knew there was no way he could rule alone. She sacrificed her freedom for her people, the bone of their kingdom, and he respected her for it. "It isn't a judgement. I am just realising how…. how hard it is to be….him," he admitted in low tones.
She snorted, but expression softened. "There is nothing simple in the Forbidden Palace. Palace environment can be toxic at best. Yet, we all have to pretend to get along…to be benevolent, beautiful and perfect all the time. We all had to be someone everyone else wanted us to be."
Fate was something hard to escape among the Palace Wall. And born with certain lineage certainly carried a weight of duty and expectation.
A strange remorse twisted on his chest. After meeting Mulan, he finally understood how impossible it was to harness one's feelings. And selfish choice for one's personal desire in favour of the needs of the people was an easy misstep to make.
He turned to her, admitting ever so quietly. "I was wrong to hate your father."
After Shin-Ye's death, perhaps it was a feeling of helplessness that propelled Xiongnu to suddenly change the course of his kingdom's defence. Peace was no longer a prime consideration in his agenda. He thought it was better to conquer than to be conquered. To force everyone to live under his term and his term only. So he did, spreading his dominion one kingdom after the other.
"I love my father, but because of him there was bloodshed," Zetian replied pensively. Shao took the moment to touch her hand and rubbed it comfortingly and she didn't retract.
"We can rebuild this kingdom again…." he assured. She stared at him for a moment before cutting her glance to the garden, exhaling. And he thought behind those fiery eyes, hid pain and sadness. Suddenly, his father's words echoed in his head.
"You might be born into this throne. Your destiny to reign this great nation may well have been written in stars. But to survive leadership, you would have to understand the needs of your country! You must understand what kind of sacrifice you need to make for the greater good, including giving up your happiness!"
"Zetian… I…." He thought he should admit what he did to her father. He should come clean and let Zetian hate him outright.
"Yes?" And the sight of her expectant, beautiful face made all his resolve crushed at his feet. What would this truth accomplish? A coup d'etat by his Generals if they knew that they were serving a murderer? Sending his country into anarchy? No, he won't do this to the kingdom he was fighting so hard to save. And yes, he loved Mulan, but he couldn't lose his Empress. Mulan was the love of his life, but Zetian was his pillar that helped him stand. She was the rain to his earth. The yin to his yang.
"You were saying…?" she prodded.
"I can plan the route for our next countrywide visit," he ended up saying, trying to stave off the guilt that twisted in his chest.
Zetian rolled her eyes as she crossed her arm. "Please excuse my scepticism, you know the cartography of women's bodies better than the map of our kingdom."
"Which was solid proof that I can succeed in anything I put my soul and mind into!" he argued.
Zetian considered his answer. Truthfully, he had learnt and achieved a lot more in one year of his reign than his entire lifetime. He helped the treasury plan the provincial budget, he structured the regional taxation and benefits, he set aside some of his time to visit schools and hospitals in the area. Together with his advisor, he reviewed all the law and order of the land and amended a few. All that not forgetting to take part in his army training, bonding with his soldiers and keeping his skill and stamina in check. And by the astonish look of her face remunerating all his accomplishment, she had arrived at the same conclusion. He took the moment to puff his chest like a rooster and preened, "Say goodbye to the old, selfish, party animal and hello the new responsible, hardworking Emperor!"
They both laugh at his terrible joke.
"In time you'll make a fine Emperor," she said. It was something he thought she would never verbalise. Not ever. And it meant a lot coming from her than anyone else.
"Thank… thank you," he was caught off guard, a mixture of pride, elation and regret twisted in his chest. Yes, he had made a lot of wrong choices in the past, but Zetian made him realise how much he wanted to be a good leader. A great one, even. At least, that would make it up to her for what he did.
"Which is why I need you to promise me something," he locked their eyes as he whispered his request quietly into her ears. She stared at him for a long moment.
"If one day I made a terrible judgement…"
"What?!" She cut him, eyes wild. "Are you… Are you serious? You want me to…kill you?"
He pressed his lips,"You are the only one that can see past their feelings and do what is necessary," although saying giving her the satisfaction of revenge could be far more appropriate. "And if I lose my throne to someone, it can only be you." It was the truth. He couldn't see any of his generals or advisors fit to rule as well as Zetian did. She was the one who was ready to walk with him through fire, through pain and suffering for the betterment of the nation.
"Promise to end me before I make a mistake that will cost us our people," he insisted before she could voice another objection. "Promise me, Zetian. Promise me that if I go astray you'll end me." The last thing he wanted was his blood on the hand of a barbarian princess. It sounded like a humiliating end. It sounded like defeat. He was far more willing for a woman who he was in love with having the honour of ending his life.
"End me. Destroy me."
It'd been a peaceful year.
Mulan watched as they circled the infamous structure of the city gate of her hometown before pacing through the residential area. Some of the structures destroyed during the war were gone, some new ones had arisen in their place. Had she gone that long? Mulan joined the crawl of people that tried to gain passage. Perhaps, they were sojourning to their home to celebrate just like she was, at least that what the bright, hopeful smile in their face had said. Coming out of the city, Fengbao climbed up the hill where her home modestly nestled among the willows.
It's been three years since she served as an advisor for the Emperor, visiting every corner of China, marvelling at its beauty while helping to rebuild what had been destroyed. She had a desire to protect the soil that they all fought for, and see the happiness of the people who called this land their home. The country Shang died for.
She remembered it too well. She didn't even have one hour to submit to her grief or feeling desperately frantic at the realisation that beyond her front door, the world was still moving at the same frenzied pace, oblivious to her loss. The helplessness was a knife twisted in her side, the ache sharp and impossible to ignore.
But her pain soon eased when Ling shared her the good news over a bowl of dumpling soup.
"We've got a good date," he said, and the joy in his voice, so clear even though their soup tasted like drain water, made Mulan's heart sing. "I'm marrying Ting Ting!" So after months of waiting for Prince Wei Zhang's approval that never came, they decided to risk it all.
The venue of the wedding was a grand courtyard of an old school, in the heart of a countryside where Ling used to grow up. It featured endless rolling hills and paddy fields, surrounded by walls of wisteria and peonies.
For the ceremony Ling and Ting Ting whittled the guest list down to forty, approximately five hundred fewer than what Shao had proposed to invite. Ling's parents were there, together with his direct siblings, while Ting Ting's contingency had included a few of her closest friends and Baoxi. Other non-filial invitees consisted of soldiers and their spouses as well as Tian and her father.
They were gathered in the courtyard, the sun kissing the horizon and painting all the land in hues of amber and scarlet. Ting Ting later told her, this wasn't how she thought she would be married. Not to this man, not in this place. She was supposed to wed a noble man, in a great celebration at Forbidden City, with her father to give her away. But that dream was ephemeral now, a vanishing mist that had long since slipped through her fingers. In its place was an ordinary man with extraordinary character, who had enabled her to walk through the fires of heartache and loss, to grow from a girl who was merely surviving into a woman truly alive.
Years ago, Mulan used to think that getting married was simply something that one did, when one had found a mostly unobjectionable man. It was almost a duty to repay her parents, in a way, and the most ordinary path of life, cemented neatly between adolescents and children.
By large, Ting Ting and Ling were the first couple she knew had redefined marriage to their own pretext. It was no longer a case of contracting a man you thought you could stand to live with, to keep his house and bear his children in exchange for his protection or financial support (because in their case, Ting Ting would have accumulated far more wealth). But rather two people who were in love and willing to break any social stigma and tradition in order to spend the rest of their lives together.
It was the exchange of vow that was forever tattooed in her mind. Mulan had never heard something that wasn't scripted by the priest and involved a standard prayer to the ancestor.
"Marrying you," Ling began. "Is a privilege. One that I strive to be worthy of everyday. I get to laugh with you, cry with you, and live with you. It's my honour to be the person who gets..–" and here his voice broke lightly,"..–to love you, My Princess. I promise to honour you, to take care of you...in war or peace, sickness and in health, until death does us part."
Ting Ting was beaming, although her eyes were already streaming down with tears. She took a moment to compose herself before starting: "I choose you, Ling, in friendship and in love. We will share our good times and misfortunes, failure and success. I promise to love you and respect you, always."
It was the most honest, straightforward and personal declaration of love Mulan ever heard. The wedding concluded with an intimate kiss, body pressed tightly against each other, which was mildly unsuitable for normal public consumption. They broke off only when the officiant reminded them, with a loud dry cough, that this wasn't quite the time to start the honeymoon yet.
And added to the list of her joy, on a cold and rainy November night, a girl was born with big brown eyes and a head full of raven hair.
There was a long conversation before about coming up with her name. Fa Zhou, for Grandma Fa's sake, suggested 'Min Lung' for a girl which meant 'gentle dragon' (and everyone hoped she didn't turn like her mom).
Mulan could see the remnants of Shang in her newborn daughter, from her cheeks to her little toes. She was a beautiful baby and Mulan fell in love immediately with this little human being. But no matter how much she tried to push the feeling away, it always returned, how she wished that Shang would be there to hold their daughter, to see the precious child they had created together. And even if they would never see each other again she would never be able to thank him enough for giving her Min Lung.
There had been peace and Mulan realised that she hadn't been wrong to marry Shao. He was a dependable man, a good father and a generous soul. So she started to pick up the broken pieces of her life, and tried to make up whatever time that she had lost.
It took her some time to finally open her soul and she asked Shao to take her to see the lunar festival in Hunan. That night as they strolled outside to admire the full-lit moon, Shao embraced her, putting his hand around her waist and drawing her close to him. But so far he's been seemingly careful not to push her. All of his kisses were careful, passionate but measured. His hands stay above her clothing and do not stray.
It was comforting to know someone loved her so unconditionally. When she laid in her bed, she tried to think of Shao, his gentle hand, his warm lips, his scent of expensive perfume with a hint of smoky clove. Shao was charismatic and handsome. He was kind, charming and… he loved her. Her attraction to him was normal and she tried her best to kindle it. But there were days that she couldn't drive the image of Shang away from her mind's eye.
Despite her gender, Min Lung was in every aspect a mini copy of Shang. She had the same smile, frown, hair, and eye colour, and she seemed to have inherited her father's perfect eyesight and aiming ability. Unfortunately, she also shared her father's personality, which worried Mulan since Shang wasn't always the nicest person to deal with, but Mulan thought she wouldn't have it any other way.
Yes, it had been a peaceful year.