Chapter XXX

You Are my Everything

The return went way better. The setting sun giving way to the darkness of the night soothed the photosensitive boy. He was still on his guard although his gaze was much less mad and agitated and he wasn't clinging so fiercely to me; I don't know to what extent his vision is affected by the light, but it seems that it's not negligible. If I analyze and compare his different reactions, the light—especially the bright ones from the sun—does blind Naruto, although he manages to tolerate it. I deduce that he must rely much more on his keen sense of smell during the day. This gives logic to his nocturnal rhythm which dictates his periods of atypical sleep.

I also had to go to the market to stock up on food since I will soon eat my last bits. Naruto just watched and smelled my selections with some curiosity despite his social angst. Besides the teenager pouting while hissing, everything went well… However, I fear that his feral behaviour will spread harmful rumours about him. Since the others were looking down at him when he was a kid due to the Demon Fox in him, I wouldn't be surprised if a new wave of hatred sprouts in Konoha. They might well believe that he's possessed by Kyūbi. I'll have to be careful and hope the fire doesn't catch.

Other than a few reminders to tell him to hide his tail, we arrived to my place without a hitch.

I don't have time to get rid of my bag or take off my sandals that the blond asks for my chakra. He stretches his two hands out in front of me, lowering his head to hide it in his forearms, snatching a sigh from me.

"We just got home. You'll have to be patient, Naruto," I say dryly. "I'll give it to you after your shower."

Naruto is insistent. He bends more by waving his hands as his tail twirls several times. As for me, I am determined to keep my positions in order to make him understand that he cannot control me in one way or another to get what he wants.

"I won't give in to your whim. You'll have to wait."

I may be a little harsh on him, yet I don't care. He must understand that it's I who dictate the rules and that he must obey them. I know how his altered, childlike brain paired with a beast works; if I let him ignore my orders even once, he will do it again. Not only that, but the risk of him spiralling out of control is the main driver behind my coldness towards him right now.

I have to keep the teenager under control after all.

I take off his coat as his stillness persists.

"Take off your shoes and meet me in the bathroom."

After dismissing myself from those at my feet, without giving him the slightest glance, I turn on my heels to run the water.

"The quicker you move, the quicker you'll get what you want, Naruto."

Naruto didn't understand Kakashi's sudden coldness. While the hunger caused him discomfort, painless, but unbearable pains, and an urge to bite, Kakashi refused to give him his delicious lightning chakra despite his plea. Dejected, the boy ended up complying with Kakashi's orders and removed the sandals girding his feet. After all, he didn't want to upset Kakashi any more than Kakashi already was; he didn't also want to keep him waiting since Kakashi was waiting for him in the water chamber. He heard the watery rain as the soles of his feet touched the chilly wood.

He entered the small room and saw Kakashi checking the temperature of the water before turning his attention to him, one hand on his hip. Naruto avoided his dark, piercing iris for fear that Kakashi would pierce him with it. He didn't know why, but the organ in his chest had been hurting him for quite a while now. He had expected some kind of lecture for something he had done, though he hardly knew what his fault was. He feared anything and everything. Of all the human beings that the teenager encountered, Kakashi was the only one capable of providing him with a comfort on which he had become dependent… That Kakashi was to blame for his suffering, it tore him apart…

"Why the long face, Naruto?" Kakashi asked, running a gentle hand through Naruto's golden hair.

This warm contact allowed the boy with much brighter irises to stare back at Kakashi, chasing away the dark clouds that tormented him mischievously.

"Come find me in the bedroom when you're done. Okay?"

Kakashi's face had drastically changed; his dark coldness gave way to a radiant warmth, snatching a sincere smile from Naruto. Kakashi didn't seem angry with him at all anymore. The teenager appreciated the softness of Kakashi's hand; until Kakashi pulled it back, he focused on that caring hand that tickled his sensitive hair, sending pleasant shivers down his spine. Disappointed that it didn't persist, he consoled himself and clung to the thought that it wasn't the last time.

It was enough for the dopamine to race through his veins and devour him whole.

With sadness and disappointment, Kakashi didn't stay with him… However, Naruto knew that Kakashi wouldn't be far away. In order not to upset Kakashi, Naruto took off the bulky clothes, including his precious forehead protector; at the same time, he saw that Kakashi had prepared a change of clothes for him.

Naked, he lingered in front of the mirror that projected his image. He observed the mark on his chest which had overwhelmed all of Kakashi's attention, visibly concerned about it. He ran a cautious hand over his black mark and tried to understand Kakashi's reaction to it. Then, he also contemplated his back sporting his ebony mosaic. Did these drawings really bother Kakashi and the other humans? Or was something else involved?

The teenager did not understand. The other humans always seemed to be lingering there, staring at him, especially his tail; even Kakashi seemed initially taken aback until Kakashi grew indifferent. Naruto knew he was different from them and that he belonged to another world, that was understood, but why were these humans always looking at him with those judgmental eyes? It was part of him. They weren't staring at the other beasts, though. Why was it so different with the boy with the sapphire eyes?

Naruto didn't understand.

Even if he was thinking, over and over again.

He couldn't understand them.

Abandoning useless questions generating harmful feelings, Naruto entered the glass cage which was never locked and could not be. He closed his eyes. The hot water was warming up his body, caressing his face with their pleasant tingling. As he forgot this universe of suffering, his senses stimulated by the aqueous droplets took over his whole being to chase away pain, fear and even hunger.

In this trance that rocked him, only the image of Kakashi persisted in his mind as white as the blinding light for his retinas. The shine of his gray hair; his dark, but luminous eye; the scar that had torn off his second; the garment Kakashi refused to part with; the strange carmine symbol on his left shoulder; the softness of his strong and rough skin; his perfume anchored in Naruto's fine nostrils; the sweet and delicious taste of his electrifying chakra…

All that made Kakashi what Kakashi was.

And Kakashi was his world.

Without Kakashi, his whole world would crumble.

In his pleasant tumult, darker emotions forced their way in to poison him. Naruto couldn't understand why Kakashi had denied him his chakra twice, or why Kakashi had tried to trick him into devouring another foul chakra. He didn't need to sink his fangs into the chakra vein to find out; the abject smell of this essence put him off just thinking about it. It wasn't the only one since all the other essences that his body demanded made his heart sick. The sapphire-eyed teenager was dependent on Kakashi's chakra to the point where every other one was making him green; a real prohibition to even taste it.

From then on, fear set in like anxieties. Naruto felt his beating organ being squeezed. A painful lump no longer left his aching chest.

He was sincerely afraid, even terrified, that Kakashi would no longer offer him his delicious chakra, which his body desperately needed to function…

While Naruto is busy taking care of his hygiene, I assigned myself to put away the groceries and the teenager's clothes. I take advantage of his temporary absence to quickly eat something. For the first time, I have an appetite; not much, sure, but enough to crave food without the urge to throw it up. Then I tackled some housework; I have no desire to find myself in a mess similar to the usually disastrous state of his apartment. I barely have time to finish and lie down on my bed to breathe when I hear the water stop. Although Naruto took longer than the last time, I would have liked him to drag on so that I could rest a little to forget what awaits me… Whether he stayed there thirty or sixty more minutes wouldn't have bothered me at all.

Knowing that the blond's head is obsessed with my lightning chakra, I will postpone the inspection of the seal that is supposed to contain the Demon Fox until tomorrow … if it's still there, that said. I must admit that this question has crossed my mind from time to time, nagging me and obsessing me like Naruto is for my limited chakra.

To be more comfortable, I parted with my accomplished ninja jacket followed by my headband before sitting on the edge of my bed. I don't have to wait very long since Naruto shows up with his headband in his hand. He changed with the sweater, the jogging and I guess the underwear that I had left him. Well … he hasn't dried very well, but he's not soaked; It's already much better than last time. I am reassured to see him gradually regaining control of basic needs. However, something is wrong. A veil of sadness seems to cover his entire face, not to mention that his deep blue irises fiercely avoid me.

Naruto approaches me. He places his shinobi forehead protector next to mine before he sits beside me, on the sheets, in the cross-legged position. Then, the boy remains completely silent. I notice his tail behind him hesitating to touch me to—I guess—embrace me. Something is bothering him, that's for sure.

Did I say or do something wrong? Admittedly, I was a little harsh earlier, but the teenager usually forgives me. I convince myself that it must be something else.

"What's wrong, Naruto?" I ask in a soft voice.

I see anxiety devouring my student. His hands on his knees are clenched, his claws are sinking into the skin, all while he's gently twirling his tail. I recognize his behaviour when he wants to ask me something, but he's too shy to do so, except this time he's genuinely afraid to speak out … in his own way, things said. Since I know that hunger takes up all place, logically, it must be related.

That's the only answer I can find.

Maybe he hesitates because I refused him several times? I won't be long in discovering it since I extend my arm towards him while sketching a smile.

"As promised, I give you my chakra, Naruto."

Naruto jumps and then stares at me intently. After a breath, he lowers his head, keeping eye contact, as if trying to find out if he really has the right to do so. His strange reaction makes me blink my eyelid a few times.

"Why are you hesitating?" I wonder, tilting my head to the left, puzzled. "I told you I would give it to you once at home. Sorry if you had to wait a bit. I realize I should have been more specific with you."

My words drive away the sad veil that was covering his entire face. Smiling, his bluish irises light up before gently taking my arm; he's impatient, excited since he's trembling. I hold my breath. My heart starts twitching when I apprehend his canines which sink all their length into my flesh. I obediently stay still as the teenager devours my chakra. I painfully wait for him to finish, enduring the sharp pain in my twitching forearm, especially my meridian unable to adapt to this unwanted intrusion. This fire licking everything under my skin is tolerable, that's all.

Meanwhile, I notice that the veil of static electricity has left him once again. It looks like the water is temporarily driving it away. I won't complain about it. His veil is excruciatingly frustrating.

After this ritual of pure suffering, I am exhausted, completely drained … a little too much for my taste; since I let out a yawn. While the sated boy gives me his most beautiful smile, swinging his tail cheerfully, I just treat the wound with the ointment. However, I don't bandage it, for lack of desire. The idea of stuffing myself under the covers to be carried away on the boat of dreams occupies all my thoughts. I had planned to read a little before going to bed… Things said, falling asleep now will benefit my eternally tired body.

Unwilling to speak, I grab Naruto's wrists for him to get up from the bed. Then, I lie down in my sheets under the confused eyes of the blond. I settle comfortably on my back, placing my arms behind my head and I sigh deeply. I stare at the ceiling, letting my head go blank in order to relax before falling asleep, which is catching up with me at an alarming rate.

"Good night, Naruto," I whisper, closing my eye.

I feel my student's lingering, uncomfortable stare upon me, forcing my eyelid open after a while. I notice Naruto crouched in front of the edges of my bunk; only his bluish irises stick out, including his spiky mane and ebony tail waving playfully. He's staring at me. I'm too tired to react or think about what he's trying to do. He has an idea in mind and it doesn't bode well for me…

Without warning, the teenager jumps into my bed before straddling me, startling me. By sketching a mischievous smile while letting out silent laughter, he tickles me under the arms… Besides a few scratches that are slightly bleeding and quite unpleasant because of his sharp nails, not being ticklish at all, I hardly react. Quickly, seeing that it doesn't have the slightest effect, Naruto stops. Exasperated, I plunge my dark eye into the light ones and visibly disappointed of the blond.

I cannot put into words the emotion that is possessing me whole; Naruto is heavily exhausting me and I don't have the energy to breathe the biggest sigh of my life. Motionless, we look at each other for an interminable time. I don't know why such an idea crossed his mind or why he threw himself at me. It doesn't delight me at all that he takes his ease like that, ignoring my personal space that I don't allow anyone to cross.

"… Naruto, get out of my bed and let me sleep," I painfully curse.

Unfortunately for me, the teenager turns a deaf ear and hugs me tenderly before pressing his face into my neck. Taken aback, I don't know how to react to this intrusion of my intimate space which overheats my face, makes my heart race. Naruto hugs me more tightly as he lies on top of me and I feel the weight of his body glued dangerously against mine; only the blanket separates our two beings in an uncomfortable closeness.

Completely paralyzed, throat knotted, I forget to breathe. The tips of his blond hair tickle me, tingle me with their faint lightning already back. The shocks of static electricity keep me awake in this trance that keeps me hostage, forbids me the slightest gesture, the slightest word.

While it doesn't bother Naruto, I panic. Drops of sweat moisten my forehead, my silver locks…

This hug persists for whole days, an eternity, although it lasts only a few seconds. I manage to breathe again when the teenager pulls away from me. His smile from ear to ear doesn't leave him when he gets up to take his usual place near my window. Ever since he let me go, he hasn't even glanced at me.

Far from me, I turn my back on him. I bring a hand to my organ of love racing in a raging marathon where you give the last effort near the finish line. I'm shaking, probably pale as a sheet, and I'm struggling to calm my breathing as hot as my aching chest. I really want to hide under the blanket, but I refrain from doing so. Naruto is getting way too comfortable and clingy with me and I can't push him away. Since I am the only one who has power over him, able to keep him under control, I can only endure these awkward situations and suffer in silence.

What scares me the most is the fact that—deep down—I liked his hug.

This realization worries me much more than the panic that possesses my whole being.

This Naruto sows seeds in me that try to bloom in these fields of darkness and without light.

Hellow there! Some words from the author.

Some of you made me realize that I forgot to situate the story in the Timeline... I have to modify my first chapter and maybe other chapters, so you can have the context and when this story is happening.

This story begins after the Wind Arc, after Kakuzu and Hidan's fight. Jiraya is dead, but not by Pain; I simply didn't want him in my story. The Pain Arc never happened... yet, maybe? Who knows. I didn't want to bother with Naruto's sage mode, Konoha's destruction, fourth war and the Danzo political drama.

Thank you very much for your interest toward my story! It means the whole world to me!