Chapter 3- Mothers and Daughters

The extreme nausea hit Kitty so instantaneously, she hadn't had time to make it out of the barn, let alone to a water closet. She'd just started to milk the cow when the roiling wave overwhelmed her. She leaned over to retch as she remained seated on her milking stool, not able to control the loud sounds she made as her body rejected her early morning toast and coffee. She trembled with the aftershock, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Oh, God," was all she could mumble as she tried to settle herself, leaning forward, clutching her knees. Please don't let it be so…please…

"Ya okay, Miz Kitty?" Festus innocently asked as he jangled his way into the barn. "I could hear ya all the way inta m' rooms.

The startled redhead swiped at her teary eyes, "I'm fine, Festus," she sniffed, "I'm so sorry to have disturbed you. Just an upset stomach. Musta been somethin' I ate last night." She never looked up as she slowly rubbed her hand over her unsettled midsection.

The loyal hillman eyed the bravest woman he'd ever known, not sure how to respond. He decided to just go with his gut.

"Would ya like me t' finish that fer ya? Since ya feel poorly and all?"

Kitty paused her ministrations and looked into her friend's small blue eyes. She replied, "No, but I thank you kindly. You are so good t' me, Festus Haggen, but this is my quiet time for the morning," she swiveled on the stool and resumed her milking, "I like when I get t' milk the cow and goat as the sun rises."

"I was wonderin'," he began as he busied himself scooping the horses' grain into buckets, "Would it be okay with you an' Matthew if Doc and me was t' take Addie Jane fishin' t'morrow afternoon, since it's her birthday and all?"

Kitty slowly stood, carrying her full pail and planting it near the barn entrance. She wiped her hands on her apron and smiled, "So long as it's after her nap. I've got something special planned for her in the morning, and we certainly don't want a cranky four-year-old for her birthday supper now, do we?"

"No, Mum, we shore don't. Ya makin' her favorite cake are ya?" he dumped the grain into the horses' feeders.

"Most certainly," she nodded, snatching the small pail for the goat's milk. On her way out the door, she caressed Festus' whiskery, stubbled cheek as she grinned, "You are the best uncle any little girl and boy could ask for."

The hillman watched his dear friend as she walked out the barn door toward the goat pen, wondering when she and her husband would acknowledge that she'd be having another baby, most likely due to arrive in mid-June. Festus wasn't literate, but he sure wasn't dull. Damn ya t' Hell, Bonner.

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"I don't know, Mama," the big man stated while holding Matthew on his lap as he sat on their big, brass bed, "Seems these two kids of ours wanna have a jumpin' party right here on our bed. Whadda ya say?"

Kitty entered the room from the water closet, plopping her nightgown clad self onto her side of the bed.

"I don't know either, Daddy. Don't you think a tickle party would be better?!" the redheaded mother quickly grabbed her look-a-like daughter, tickling her stomach and laughing along with her.

Matt quickly followed suit, tickling his son until the boy could barely breathe. It didn't take long for all four Dillons to end up on their backs, chuckling, desperately trying to catch their breath.

"Woo-wee," Kitty gasped, "that plum wore me out."

"You're not kiddin'," Matt huffed, propping himself up on his elbow. "You want t' tuck in our prince or our princess?"

"I'll taaaakke," Kitty sat up, resting her pointer finger upon her chin, feigning a big decision, "our little cowboy. You can tuck in our little lady." She stood as Matthew jumped his way across the bed into his mother's waiting arms.

"I don't wanna be a 'li'l lady', Mama," Addie pouted, "I wanna be a li'l cowgirl."

"I don't see why you can't be both," Matt offered as Addie tightly wrapped her arms around her daddy's neck and her legs around his waist as she mounted his back.

"Did ya hear that, Mama?" Addie yawned, resting her chin upon her daddy's shoulder.

"I did indeed, Adelaide," Kitty answered as she headed out the door and into the hallway. "Time t' take your charge t' bed, Daddy."

"Wagons hooo!" Matt bellowed as he galloped out the door, Addie giggling the whole way to her room, hanging onto her beloved father for dear life.

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Kitty had been resolute that nothing would put a damper on her daughter's special day. Adelaide Jane Dillon turned precisely four years old sometime before sunrise and her mother had been determined to remind her child just how special she was. After all, it had not only been miraculous that Kitty had actually gotten pregnant with the child, it certainly had been divine intervention that had kept both Kitty and her unborn child alive while living with a brute such as Will Mannon.

"There you go, Sweetheart," Kitty said as she tied the light blue ribbon into a bow atop her little one's head, assuring it would tame her wildly curly mane, "You look as pretty as a picture."

Addie held out her arms as she twirled in her long-sleeved light blue dress, the skirt fanning out, revealing the puffy petticoats and frilly bloomers underneath.

"Mama, you do it, too! Our dresses look da same," the child joyfully shouted.

Kitty beamed, placing her hands upon her hips, "I don't think so, Baby. If I twirled like you, I'd probably get dizzy and fall down." She held out her hand for her daughter to hold as the two exited the little girl's pleasantly pink bedroom.

They stood at the top of the staircase as Doc and Matt gazed up at the visions dressed in a shade of blue that happened to match their beautiful eyes. Doc grinned, tugging on his earlobe while Matt smiled from ear to ear. This was his Kitty. The Kitty that he hadn't truly seen since she'd been taken by Jude Bonner. She stood tall and proud, not a hair out of place as she lovingly gazed upon their first born.

"Well, are you pretty ladies gonna come on down here, or are ya gonna just stand there all day?" Doc teased.

"We'se comin', Grandpa," Addie shouted as she bounded a step ahead of her mother.

"Happy Birthday, Pumpkin!" Matt picked up his little girl and swung her around, making loud noises as he kissed her cheeks over and over again.

"Daddy!" Addie squealed, turning her head from side to side, "That tickles!"

The big man beamed, first looking at his wife, then at their child. He kissed Addie's forehead before hugging her tightly, the girl's head resting upon his shoulder. His blue eyes met Kitty's as she rested her hand on their daughter's back. The pair didn't need to utter words in order to communicate. Their eyes told the tale of a couple who'd been deeply in love who'd never thought they would have a family together. Yet here they stood, with the very child who'd first made them parents.

"Now, now, Daddy," Kitty playfully admonished, "hand her over. Mama's got something special planned for our big girl."

Matt gently placed Addie next to her mother, "I want you ladies to have a very nice time this morning."

After her recent brush with death, Kitty had shared with her husband that she'd decided it was important to spend time alone with their children on their birthdays. This would not only make special memories for her, but for their precious children as well. She knew that someday, hopefully some far off someday, she would have to move on to the next life, just as her mother had before her. Kitty so deeply desired for her children to know just how much she'd wanted them, and how much she cherished them.

Addie tucked her hand inside of her mother's and pulled her toward the door. "C'mon, Mama."

"Okay, Baby," she glanced over her shoulder at her husband and Doc, "Where's Matty?"

Doc thrust his hands deep into his pant pockets, "He's helping Festus in the barn."

Kitty smirked, "I guess we'll owe him one." She returned her attention to her now four-year-old, "Alright, let's go, little lady."

The mid-October morning sun shone brightly onto the Dillon's porch, as if the sun itself had been wishing Addie a happy birthday. Kitty led her child to the corner of the porch, where she and Matt had set up a beautifully appointed small, round table and two chairs.

"What's dis?" Addie smiled, looking up at the woman who held her whole universe together.

"Honey, say 'TH-is', not 'dis', okay?"

"Okay," the compliant child tried again, "Mama, what's TH-is?"

"You and I are going to have a tea party," Kitty announced, picking up her little one and placing her upon her chair.

"Yay!" Addie clapped, "A tea party!"

Kitty grinned, taking her own seat. She instructed, "Now the first thing you do, Adelaide, is take your napkin and spread it across your lap." The elder redhead made a show of slightly shaking hers open and then laying it across her lap.

Addie's tiny pink tongue peeked out the side of her mouth as she imitated her mother's actions with her own napkin. Just like her daddy, Kitty grinned to herself.

"Mama, where'd ya get such tiny cups?" the child picked up the diminutive piece of china and closely examined it.

"Daddy and I ordered this tea set for you. It's your birthday present so we can have tea parties whenever we want."

Addie leapt out of her chair and ran to her mother's side. Jumping up and down she chirped, "Thank you, Mama! Thank you!"

The elder redhead beamed, her deep blue eyes drinking in her daughter's natural innocence. Oh, Baby, I hope you are always this exuberant. How can you possibly understand how much I love you?

"You are most welcome," Kitty framed the little girl's freckled face between her hands. She tenderly touched the tip of her nose to Addie's, whispering as their matching eyes locked, "You are the best thing that ever happened to me, Adelaide. Don't you ever forget that."

The tiny redhead wrapped her arms around her precious Mama's neck. She softly replied into Kitty's ear, "No, Mama. You'se da best thing that ever happened t' me."

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"That cake smells delicious," Matt commented as he entered the ranch house in search of his wife and a glass of water. "Spice cake?"

"Why, thank you," Kitty replied, carrying a pitcher and two glasses to the table. "and yes, spice cake. Dodge quiet today?" she asked, sitting next to her husband.

"Very. I told Newly he's in charge for the rest of the day," Matt tucked a few stray copper tresses behind Kitty's ear. "Where is everyone? Fishin' already?"

"Yes," she answered, taking a long sip of her water, "Addie was too excited t' nap, so Doc and Festus took her early. Matty just went down for his nap a little while ago. He was fighting it, too. It's just one of those days, I suppose."

"Ah," Matt sighed, biting his bottom lip. In the days before Bonner, he would have suggested a trip upstairs for a quick romp. Instead, he asked, "How was your tea party?"

"Perfect," Kitty smiled, "She was so excited, Matt. I think four is a good age to start those private, special birthday times."

"Did your mother do that with you on your birthdays? Spend time with you just one-on-one?" he asked, finishing his water.

"Sort of," she shrugged her shoulders, "It was always just me and Mother, but she made my birthdays special. We'd go out t' supper, usually somewhere fancy and she'd make me a little cake."

Matt contemplated Kitty's far off look, "Do you look like your mother? The way Addie resembles you, I mean."

"Yes, I suppose so," she grinned, her eyes meeting her husband's thoughtful baby blues. "I miss her, Matt," she sighed, studying her clasped hands, "I didn't tell you," she paused, "…I saw her."

"Saw who?"

"My mother."

"Wait…when? What are you talking about, Honey?" Matt placed one of his hulking hands over hers.

Kitty couldn't meet his gaze, whispering, "When I almost died...after. I saw my mother…she told me I had t' go back…that it wasn't my time yet."

"Kitty," Matt gasped, "I…I don't know what t' say…"

"You don't have to say anything, Matt," she lovingly looked into his eyes, contemplating whether or not to finish her memory. She decided in the affirmative when she'd felt his unconditional love wash over her. "When I first saw her, I felt so ashamed. I couldn't look at her. I've done some horrible things in my lifetime-"

"Kitty, don't-"

"Please, just let me talk," she quietly implored. Matt nodded and Kitty cleared her throat, "I was ashamed, but Mother embraced me and told me she loved me more than anyone in her whole life. She told me that she believed I was the reason she'd been born in the first place. All I could do was cry as she held me."

Matt tenderly wiped away the tears from his wife's cheeks with the pads of his thumbs as she continued, "She told me I had to come back to you. That it wouldn't be right to leave my family. The family I'd waited so long to have."

The gentle giant's eyes filled with his own tears as he felt deep guilt and sorrow for making Kitty wait so long for her dreams to become a reality.

"Seems I owe Louise Russell a great debt of gratitude," Matt softly commented, soothingly rubbing Kitty's back.

"Yes and no," Kitty stared at her husband, caressing his sun-kissed cheek, "I couldn't leave you on purpose. I heard every word you said while I laid on Doc's table," she choked, "Every declaration of love, every plead to stay with you and the children. I just couldn't wake up long enough t' tell you I was fighting. I fought for us, Matt, I swear I did," she cried.

He pulled Kitty from her chair and onto his lap where she wept, as did he. Both he and Doc had figured Kitty had given up the will to live, when in fact, it had been just the opposite. She'd not only fought Bonner tooth and nail, but the Grim Reaper, too.

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Kitty sat on her blue velvet upholstered vanity bench, brushing the ends of her hair as she closely examined them for split ends. She'd been so lost in her own musings that she'd startled when Matt spoke to her.

"That was a wonderful birthday supper, Hon," he complimented, noticing her jump a little as he approached her from behind, wearing only a towel around his waist. "I'm sorry," he gently placed his hands upon her shoulders, "I didn't mean to startle ya."

She studied him through the looking glass, sighing, "It's fine. I was just lost in my head somewhere."

"May I?" he held out his hand to accept her hair brush.

She handed him the ornate silver hairbrush over her shoulder, recognizing his loving gesture. For years Matt had enjoyed brushing Kitty's coppery tresses, remarking that the color of her hair had reminded him of the sunsets in Texas.

Lowering her chin, she could see the reflection of his muscular chest as he tenderly began brushing her hair from the crown of her head to the very tips she'd just examined.

"What did you think of that crazy story Festus and Doc told about the were-elephant they met last week?"

The redhead grinned, "I can't believe those two stayed up all night waiting for an elephant t' turn back into a midget."

"Well," Matt sighed, keeping his focus on the job at hand, "I can believe Festus would, but Doc? Hell, no. I'd like t' know what Sam served him that night."

Kitty couldn't help herself. She laughed out loud, turning sideways on her bench to look at her husband, "Good point, Matt. What I would have given to have seen their faces."

"You ready for bed?" the big, mostly naked man offered his wife his hand.

Kitty looked up, biting her bottom lip. After the wonderful day she'd had, she actually felt like her old self for the first time in many weeks. She happily accepted her husband's hand and allowed him to lead her to her side of the bed, where he'd already pulled back the covers.

Once she'd seated herself on the mattress' edge, she drew a deep breath, concentrating on her husband's bare torso.

"Matt," her voice came out softly, but soundly, "I think I'm ready."

He gulped, nervous as to how to respond. "You sure?" he whispered, lifting her chin so their eyes could meet, "It's okay if you don't want to. If you're not ready, I mean."

Kitty blinked away the mist that clouded her vision. She slowly exhaled, "I want to try…please. I need to try."

The big man leaned over and tenderly kissed her waiting lips, cupping the back of her head with one of his big hands. Just as he'd begun to pull away, Kitty wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer, deepening the kiss. They finally broke their seal, only due to the need to draw breath. The redhead slowly rolled her vertebrae down the mattress one-by-one until she was flat upon her back. She deliberately untied the white satin ribbon at the top of her nightgown and unbuttoned the first three closures, revealing her cleavage. Her chest rose and fell with each deep breath while her eyes fixed on a spot on the ceiling. Matt didn't move a muscle until she looked at his face, realizing he'd been waiting for her permission to proceed.

"It's okay, Cowboy," she once again studied the ceiling, whispering, "Please…"

Matt lowered the lamp before letting his towel drop to the floor, just leaving enough light in the room to make their shadows loom large against the walls. He cautiously laid on his side next to her, propping himself up on one elbow. He caressed her cheek and she pressed it against his hand, turning her head slightly to lightly kiss his palm.

"May I touch you?" he quietly asked, his voice uncertain.

She placed her head back onto the bed. Nodding her permission as she closed her eyes.

The big man unbuttoned the rest of her nightgown and slowly opened each side, exposing her pale, naked body to his gaze. Her porcelain skin was back to near perfection, only a couple of scars remained as permanent reminders of the violence brought against her in his name.

Kitty's eyes remained closed as he leaned in for a sweet kiss, resting his hand upon her stomach. She gently kissed him back, running her fingers through his damp curls.

"Oh, Honey," Matt whispered into her ear, "I've missed you so much."

"I missed you, too, Matt," she breathed, her eyes full of unshed tears.

He kissed the side of her neck and began to make his way down her body, stopping to suckle one breast, while fondling the other.

Kitty moaned as she gently pulled at his curls, her head slowly turning from side to side. She bit her bottom lip and rapidly blinked her eyes, pushing her hands lightly against the tops of Matt's shoulders, "Please, please..." she mumbled, barely above a whisper.

He placed his hand atop her mound of auburn curls, eager to make sure she was adequately prepared for their long-awaited coupling. Matt nibbled at his wife's neck as he tenderly slipped one of his fingers between her weeping folds.

Kitty's eyes immediately shot open while her whole body tensed. "St-st-stop! Plea-please, stop!" she begged as she began to kick her legs and strike Matt's chest with clenched fists.

Before he'd known what had happened, the mountain of a man found himself tumbling to the floor in complete shock. What the heck?!

"Kitty, it's okay," he panted, leaning over to rub her back as she curled into the fetal position, crying hysterically. "Honey, please don't cry…it's gonna be okay. What happened?"

Damn it, Dillon! You just had t' push her! Matt chastised himself, just furious that he hadn't stopped their brief encounter after a kiss or two. Doc had explained to him that Kitty's assault had been nothing short of brutal and that he'd have to let Kitty take the lead in the bedroom. The heartsick husband grabbed his towel off the floor and resecured it around his waist before rejoining his wife upon the bed.

Matt's heart broke as he watched the love of his life weep, unable to control her guttural sobs. "Come 'ere, Baby," he pulled her into his embrace as he rested his back against the brass headboard. "It's all my fault, Honey. I shouldn't have-"

"It's not-not-yo-your fault," Kitty stuttered, "I-I'm jus-just broken, Matt. I'm so-so-sorry," she wailed, tears flowing down her flushed cheeks.

The poor man felt helpless as he held his trembling wife in his arms. He pulled the one half of her nightgown he could reach over her and soothed, "Shhh, Kitty. It's okay. You're not broken, Baby. Not at all. I'm sorry to have rushed you. So very sorry."

After a moment she shuddered, "How can you even look at me? How can you even want me? I'm so…dirty," she threw her arm over her eyes as she hid her face in his chest.

"Oh, Kathleen…my sweet, beautiful Kitty. How can I not want you?" Matt pushed her hair off her face, "You and our children are the best thing that ever happened t' me. If it takes the rest of my life, I'll convince you of that."

"Oh, God!" Kitty sat up straight, reflexively covering her mouth, "I'm gonna be sick…" she bolted for the water closet, retching as soon as she slammed the door behind her.

Matt grabbed a clean union suit out of his bureau and thrust his extremities into the garment. He paced outside the water closet door, listening to Kitty's sobs in between her fits of vomiting.

Once she'd somewhat quieted, he softly knocked on the door and entered without an invitation, offering her a glass of water.

"Honey, can I get you something? Anything at all?" he kneeled beside her, tenderly patting her back and kissing the top of her head.

"My mother," Kitty murmured, "I want my mother…"

TBC