Eleanor

The Asgard were surprisingly happy to help, and in just the blink of a moment on their ship Thor, who was quite lovely in person, sent me on my way. The instant relief of pressure on my cranium was alleviated, and replaced with the sudden realization of what was before me. Hammond explained I could stay in this timeline, being that there was not a way back, and he was going to a budgeting meeting that had been postponed for the next day where he could inquire about new position hires. Even if it meant I may not have my old one, I could at least find something useful to do. Hammond was kind, and understanding of the situation, yet overall I couldn't help but feel responsible for added stress to everyone around me. In one moment my heart was full and flying with Daniel being safe, and back to being mine. The other moments were flooded with worry about where to go from here. My family, or lack thereof. My poor mother, who lost both her son and daughter to career choices, and I could never tell her I was here. I knew everyone here, and only Daniel knew me in return. The awkward tension between Jack and I on our meeting with Thor, I could tell he wanted to be helpful but before it took a year for him to trust me. Now? Who was I to him, to Sam or Teal'c, to Janet or Bill or anyone. I was even warming up to Rodney McKay before and now, I was a stranger who seemingly knew every answer to their questions. Any anecdote I had pretended that I'd never heard, and every action I took was questioned.

The only relief in all of this was Daniel. He was acting as if it was another day, that nothing had happened and it was the only anchor to reality that I could grasp onto. Walking the empty hallways, seeing the rooms I had raided for supplies alone, smelling the mess hall as we passed noting the strong lemon scented floor cleaner over the mixtures of lasagna and trifle, waffles and bacon from earlier that morning all of it was a sensory overload. Footsteps and whispers, laughter and alarms, the whirring of a computer starting up, even someone else's breathing next to me, all of it was both a symphony of pure joy that I had come back, and a stark reminder of the shocks of silence I had endured before where the only sounds were my own singular breath, my footsteps, my tears and Daniel every so often speaking back to me. That, and the multiple cassette tapes I had stolen from Jack's pick up in the parking lot for a battery powered Walkman I nabbed. My footsteps stilled as Daniel and I walked past his office, the room across the hall closed. My room, my office.

He turned to look where I had stopped and I felt his thumb brush over my knuckles. "It's yours if you'd like it back. Unfortunately it's empty, but I can get some rugs and another desk set up whenever you'd like." It was another reminder that here, I didn't know if I belonged. I don't know what I had expected though, for everyone to welcome me with open arms? I didn't even expect Daniel to want me back, but the crushing reality of it was different somehow. I turned to face him, warmth in his eyes and my heart tugged at me again, telling me of why I was here.

"Could I take a shower? I have been using bottled water and it's not really the same." My voice was small in the hubbub of the halls.

He nodded emphatically, "yes, yes let's get you situated with living quarters and you can have a private shower." He held up his finger motioning to give him a moment, walked into his office grabbed a gym bag from under his desk and closed the door behind him. We made our way to the next floor up where living quarters for SGC visitors and personnel who were not authorized off base stayed. Sam Carter was there speaking with someone who handed her a fresh set of towels and she turned to look at us, a shy smile softening her features.

"Sam," I whispered more to myself and felt Daniel's gentle soothing tug on my hand. She unlocked a door and held it open for us as we followed her in.

"It's not fancy, but I did get extra towels." She chuckled and placed them on the bed. I looked over at the room, a small huff of air escaping me.

"I stayed in the room to the left of this one some nights." My eyes were hyper fixated on the lamps, both bulbs on and working. The bed was made neat as a pin, and I remembered the feeling of it more than the mattress in my own home.

"Daniel has told us so much about you over the past few months," she cleared her throat and I looked back at her forcing an awkward smile across my face.

"All terrible things I'm sure." I joked. My eyes traced over the lines of her face, she was wearing her hair in a different way, cut shorter in a spiked pixie cut. "I like your hair that way."

"Thank you," she beamed, reaching up to touch it. "I didn't know about your clothing situation so," her eyes glanced over at the bed where she had set her offerings.

"I appreciate it, truly." I squeezed Daniel's hand and he gave Sam a light smile in return.

"I'm going to get Eleanor all set up with a shower and a meeting with Janet later for a physical, maybe dinner. I do need to swing by Hammond's office before he leaves for the evening to double check on some things. So," he turned to me, "I'll be back?"

"I can run my own bath," I laughed nervously, "I'm not completely useless." He kissed the top of my forehead, reminded me of the extra soap he kept in his own bag he had dropped by the foot of the bed, and walked out with Sam closing the door behind them. For the first time since I crossed the gate into this timeline I was alone and I took in a deep breath letting my shoulder slump at the exhale. The sound of the air conditioner kicked in again, a gentle whirring noises that felt as if it was screaming at me in reminder and I jumped. I felt my breathing quicken, my throat go dry, and I had to ground myself once more. I heard, I heard the air conditioning unit. Unzipping the gym bag I pulled the body wash out and screwed the cap off taking a deep invigorating inhale of peppermint and tea tree, smelled that. I dug around more and found a tin of mints and placed one on my tongue. Taste, check. I fumbled back up to my feet and reached for a towel and the coveralls that Sam had provided taking another deep breath in and out through my nose.

I started walking to the bathroom and pulled the shower curtain back, putting the towel on the counter next to the bath. I reached down to turn on the knob of the shower and water hissed to life, making my hand retract in a small gasp, and then go back to adjust the heat. I just stood there, staring at the water that trickled down from the faucet filling the room in a steamy plume. The sound bouncing off of the porcelain bath, like grains of rice pouring into a metal bowl before washing it. An orchestra of pings and plops I took for granted before, washing away not only the day's filth but cleansing the grimy parts of me internally that were untouched. I reached up and began unbinding the plaits of my hair, running fingers through the strands and loosening them as it fell around me. Peeling back layer after layer I put the clothes in a small pile behind the door and lined the sample shampoos and conditioners along the ledge of the bath with Daniel's soap. Slowly, one foot at a time, I walked into the shower until I felt the water drain onto me. My hand reached out collecting some of the drops and I felt a lump lodge deep into my throat. My emotions were finally broken, and I could let myself feel it all as sobs escaped and shook the entirety of my body. Laying down in the basin, letting the water pelt me in steaming acidic drops as I allowed myself to release every tired and fractured thought I held onto the past six months. Even when I heard footsteps come into the bathroom, I just laid there in the bath helpless letting it all wash over me.

"Knock knock," Daniel's voice filled the small room and the door shut behind him.

"I'm just in here," my voice was shaky and weak, "crying. Crying over something as silly as a shower." I sniffled and he peeled the curtain back slightly, sitting down next to the bath to meet me at eye level. "I got here, I accomplished it all and now I hate myself for doing it." My eyes burned as I looked back at him. "I have ruined your life, you're stuck with me now, and everyone here has to keep me a secret. My family thinks I'm dead. My entire life I will be nothing more than a shadow and a burden." His hand reached out to stroke my cheek and it ran along my neck down to my shoulder. The feel of his hands along my bare skin felt foreign, and his gentle eyes never left mine, like he understood as well.

"You are a gift to all who meet you, and I would be more than grateful to have you with me for the entirety of my life," his words wrapped around my heart, piecing it back like a beautiful ribbon binding me together.

"I didn't think you'd want me back when I came through." I divulged. "I was prepared for you to have been with this timeline me, or someone else because you had moved on and..."

"You don't even know how loved you are by me." His voice curled around my mind and embraced me and made the dam of tears in my throat break once more. He reached for a cloth, wetting it and running the sudsy lather down my back as he washed the trepidation and panic away. His actions were a comfort, and yet I hadn't felt the presence of another human this intimately in so long. I had been alone, and afraid. Afraid of my death, but more so afraid of his and a life without him. His hands moved up to my hair, massaging my scalp and the smell of him struck me.

Once I was thoroughly cried out and clean he turned the water off and took the fluffy white towel from the counter, wrapping me and drying the drops left on my skin. I mouthed a thank you and he responded with a soothing kiss on each shoulder after running the towel down my arms. Sam had been kind enough to find a pair of clean clothes that I could slip into, and although it was just a one piece navy blue coverall I was thankful to not have to find it for myself.

"What would you like to do?" He broke the silence sitting on the edge of the bed watching as I zipped the jumpsuit closed and towel dried my hair. "We could get some food, I know Janet would like to get vitals from you, if you're tired we could just take a nap and do it all tomorrow I wouldn't mind that personally. I haven't exactly slept well lately," he chuckled quietly and I just looked at him there.

"Let's get this awkward health check over with." I sighed, "I'm supposed to just pretend like I don't have a history with anyone here?" I blinked up to him and he nodded.

"You can talk to Janet, she's used to these kinds of situations. No one else outside of the SGC can know, and until Hammond trusts you'll follow through with that mentality you will spend a few nights here in lodging. But, I'll stay with you, through all of it if you want."

"What do I tell people when they ask who I am? What I'm doing here, what you're doing with me?"

"Well, anyone that asks within the walls of the SGC can be told that you're Eleanor Owens, a brilliant, beautiful archivist. One who managed to cross the threshold of time to return back to a man who doesn't deserve you and will do everything in his power to make it up." He wrapped an arm around me and guided me out to the quiet hallway of the command.

"And to anyone outside of the SGC, at some point you'll have to be Eleanor Jackson." He shrugged and I felt the first genuine laugh come from me.

"I'm sorry for hitting you." I whispered as we walked down the hallway, past people who paid no mind to me, past people who I hadn't seen walk these halls for so long and I tucked myself in closer to him to keep from my new found claustrophobia.

"I'm not," he grinned back and we made our way to the medical bay.