Eleanor

The nights were difficult for me to sleep through. Dr. Fraiser had given me a sleep aid knowing the transition would be difficult. Hearing every little noise through the night kept my mind racing, and Daniel's snoring was both a blessing and a curse. I often just laid there looking up at the ceiling wondering what the next day would entail. How I could work up the nerve to talk to anyone who I knew before, seeing the questioning in their eyes of who I was. Daniel had explained to me how he dealt with the opposite issue after his ascension. He came back with no memories of anything or anyone, and everyone here knew him. It felt as if he was treated like a crystal vase that could tip and break at any moment, but he wanted to know the truth, to know everything about himself and his life. When his memories finally did come back it was a relief, but the people here wouldn't have that with me.

"What they do have though," he had said with a cheesy smile and a glimmer in his eyes as I propped my head on his chest, "is the joy of being able to meet you for the first time again."

I felt like that crystal vase though. Everyone skating around the queries their eyes gave away when speaking to me, the questions itching to claw past their lips, or quick glances before passing me in the mess hall while I just sat and read a book Janet had loaned me to pass the time.

"This one is particularly good if you're a romantic," she had grinned and slipped it to me after I inquired about any good novels she could recommend.

Even Daniel in moments was being overly gentle with me. We had kissed since returning, multiple times and it almost led to something but it often fizzled away on my end. As long as I had spent yearning for his desires, the multiple nights I found exploring my body and imagined it was his mouth on me while alone had built up the pyre for him heating my blood. I would catch myself looking down at his hands while he was doing menial tasks like eating or writing and remembered the dexterity of them. The way he could make my body writhe beneath his, and how every moment of satisfaction I felt seemed to please him more than me. Memories of how in tune with my own wants he was, every beckoning touch and caress that fell on me and set my senses ablaze was interrupted by an off world activation alarm or the jolting realization of where I was.

"I'm sorry," I panted in his ear after my head snapped in the direction of the door when I heard a neighbor slam their door down the hall. His understanding look was a knife to the gut.

"For what? I'm enjoying myself, enjoying you." He flashed a toothy smile back and pulled me in for a night of basking in the ease of just being us and nothing more. Though the fires had tamped down, his arms pulling me into an affection embrace was enough.

The first time I stepped foot into the outside world again, General Hammond had agreed that he trusted me enough to be able to get clothes and basic hygienic needs with a chaperone. Sam had volunteered to take me to the local mall that morning while Daniel was in meetings. The moment I stepped foot outside the doors into the open world again I felt my stomach fall to the floor, and she looked over at me for my reaction.

"I'm sorry I um, I might need a moment." I had whispered.

"You don't need to keep apologizing every time something feels weird to you, I get it." She responded, "the stuff we've seen, or haven't, we understand."

"I haven't seen the sun in months. I haven't seen the moon in..." I bit down on my lip to keep the tears at bay. That's all I was doing these days, apologizing or crying, and if I was crying I was apologizing for doing that. A flock of birds flew across the sky and I gasped. I knew what birds were, I had seen birds before, but you never realize how long it has been since seeing any wildlife. The memory I had of the outside world was bare and dead. Here it was the middle of summer, and trees were lush, cars drove by, and the sun was beating down on me. "This must be what toddlers feel like when they leave the house every day." A small laugh escaped me. "They know what the world is, but it still feels new every time."

"We should stop somewhere for a little sneaky treat." She wiggled her brows at me and my eyes widened at the thought.

"This might be a silly request," I started, "but there is a coffee shop that I used to go to by my old house."

"Perfect," she had nodded in agreement and we hopped into her Volvo spending the morning getting a small but necessary wardrobe and embracing the moment with a caramel latte for myself with a butterscotch scone, and a chocolate walnut cookie for me to take back to Daniel. I had asked for a napkin with the logo of the coffee shop on it, and although I was met with a puzzled response Sam grabbed a handful and handed them to me. It wasn't much, but if I could leave the cookie on his desk, with the napkin then I had hoped it would trigger a memory of before all this and bring a small smile to his day.

The next week Daniel went off world with SG-1 and I spent the time volunteering around the science department organizing artifacts I was cleared to handle. I wasn't allowed computer access for obvious reasons, but being able to recognize and record the majority of the small artifacts there created a way for me to make myself handy. Dr. Lee had set up a small station for me with brushes that I could clean clay tablets with as he went into long detail about a recent World of Warcraft game he had played. I just nodded along and allowed myself to pretend like life hadn't changed again, that the past hadn't happened. Dr. Felger had waltzed in and rolled his eyes at something Bill had said.

"Once again your calculations are off," he snarked and I cut him a look from across the room that I would have been able to pull before without thinking.

"That's not nice," I had snapped, "he's been at it all morning. Give him some juice for his low blood sugar if you're not going to be helpful."

"Do I know you?" Felger asked and I was reminded once more of my place here. Nonexistent. My mouth snapped shut and Bill looked across the room back at me before ushering Felger into the hall to explain my situation. Every awkward interaction could be cleared up with someone else 'explaining my situation.' It was tiresome, but a necessity.

Later at breakfast that week I was eating a peach with my eyes closed. The taste of a fresh peach was so different to that of a canned one, where the syrupy sugared coating of the canned fruit overtime makes it almost cloyingly sweet, but a fresh peach was lush and tart, with natural juices gliding down my throat and coating the inside of my cheeks in each bite. My eyes opened and across the room I saw my demon in the flesh. Lonnie, a former friend and confidant, grabbing a carton of milk and a miniature box of cereal like he hadn't been the cause of all of this. The peach in my mouth turned to ash as I swallowed it dryly down. Daniel stopped mid sentence while he was telling me more in detail about some Mayan adjacent ruins they saw the day before and followed my line of vision.

"Does he know what I went through? What you, we went through?" My voice was barely above a whisper and Daniel had wrapped an arm around me.

"No. He has no idea, and I think it would be best if for now, he didn't." He said under his breath and I agreed, as much as my blood boiled seeing him here it wasn't his fault, it was never Lonnie's fault, he was a victim at the time just as much as I was.

After week three General Hammond had called me into his office to let me know his request for an additional position in budgeting was accepted. My starting pay was lower than before, but I definitely was not complaining. I had something similar to my old position back, and after a few months probation of doing that, I'd slowly get my background clearance raised from standard to highest level again. I could move into a spare office down the hall but I quickly requested the supply room across from Daniel.

"It was my old office," I corrected myself, "I have ties to it, if that makes sense."

"As long as your conduct at work stays professional," he gave me a stern look but I knew what he was asking. I could see every inch of father in him, still concerned about his team like he was their protector. My leash was given some slack and he was trusting I wouldn't run. It made me miss when he viewed me as a team member, when he saw me as one of his family.

"During work hours it will be as if Dr. Jackson and I are only amicable colleagues." I politely smiled and he gave a nod in return. I stood up and walked out of the office calmly, but ran down the hall to Daniel's to tell him the good news. My first day would officially be the week after next. His face was equally as excited as I felt inside, brimming with pride over something I had yet to accomplish, and it was the first time since I had arrived I felt any sense of normalcy.

It was the following evening, and to celebrate my new job offer Daniel had ordered a pizza and a bottle of Prosecco as we sat indulging ourselves in the small clearing outside the SGC that led to a wooded part of the mountain. He had spread a blanket out on the dewy grass and we made it outside just as dusk settled. The first twinkling stars spread across the violet streaked sky and I couldn't contain my giggles. Stars, winking back as if they missed me as well and my head fell in his lap as I took a swig directly from the bottle and passed it back to him.

"I also have good news," he smiled looking off at the sky. "Hammond's cleared you to come back home with me. That is, if you still want to." His lips pressed against the bottle again and I heard the fluid splash of wine echo inside. My stomach churned like the contents of the drink, sloshing and falling in on itself. He must have seen it on my face because his smile fell. "You don't have to, you're more than welcome to stay here as long as you'd like. Teal'c does and it's been years."

"It's not that," I clarified, "before, well before all this I was counting down the moments until we lived in the same home. There is something so simple and perfect about the idea of your things and my things cohesive with one another on a shelf. Your books next to mine, your plate with mine in the sink, our clothes tumbling clean in the wash together every Sunday." I grabbed the bottle from him and took another drink of courage while he silently contemplated what I had said. "But it feels like it's been years, can I even call it my home anymore? I can't contribute to anything, I'm completely dependent financially and I don't want you to feel growing resentment against that."

His fingers had wrapped around my jaw as he tipped me up to look into his eyes, into my very soul. "Please come home with me, our home together where we will do all the things we promised before. We'll start traditions of our own, and we will be one another's family." That was it, I was getting my start again with him and I agreed full heartedly with one condition.

"I'd like to make the balcony into a garden next spring."

I jumped at the laugh that erupted from him as he took another drink from the bottle and nodded. "I'll have the hanging gardens of Babylon built for you." His hand running through my hair, it was everything I needed, and the perfect ending to a grueling introduction back to the world.