Once I accomplished getting some extra cash, I saw that, as promised, Crystal was waiting for me by Rod's pizza shop, and she looked at me with a smile.
"Hi, Cooper. So, you said you wanted to tell me something about you feeling girlish?... And uh... why change your clothes? Are you going through a phase or something?" she asked, me sighing and shaking my head.
"No, and I'll say this. I've only told Sawyer about this so far. I'm uh... I was trying to make a video game at my place in a different reality, where I was named Tina Cheerio, and being a woman of 23 years old... and after a freak accident that would be impossible to replicate, I end up getting sent through some kind of painful origami moment... and end up in the body and mind of Cooper McCarthy, main character of the game I was working on," I said, which made Crystal smile.
"That's quite a story... you should write that down, since it's obviously not true... right?" she asked. I sighed and shook my head no. "It's uh... real? Are you sure?"
"How else would I have known you were needing help? You gave out one of the side quests in the game that consisted of exactly that... the only thing that was different is that you had a camera on you that was never seen in the game... oh, and I got Jake to puke without giving him a fresh supply of anchovy chips. I told him I was a girl in a boy's body and that was enough," I smiled.
"Yeah, he's not really into that whole transgender thing, but he's super sweet when you get to know... wait a minute, what am I saying?! You know the future, right? So what happens? If this world is a game, then tell me what happens! Do me and Jake live happily ever after?" she asked, me smiling at that and nodding.
"You do, but that's only if both of you go on the field trip tomorrow. Because something really bad is going to happen in the town at some point tomorrow morning. I won't say what, though, since it does need to happen, as much as I don't want it to. Promise me that you don't tell anyone about this, got it? If things don't happen as by the book as possible, a lot more people will be in danger that don't deserve it, okay?" I smiled, her nodding at me.
"Yes, I promise... just uh, make sure you give that Kent a good kick in the nards, okay?" she smirked.
"Believe it or not, Kent dies at the end of part 1, same with the other two bullies," I smiled.
"Aw, sweet! They deserve it for daring to attack Patty! I saw Kent getting absolutely manhandled by Holly for doing that, since Patty's her girlfriend. He was reduced to a crying baby!" Crystal smiled.
"Now for you to bare witness to the best moment you'll ever see in your entire life. Wait for me outside the pizza shop and follow me home at a safe distance where you won't get noticed. You'll have the best laugh in your entire life," I smirked as I then went into the pizza store and proceeded to look at the guy behind the counter.
"Hey there, I happen to have a coupon for a free large pizza? And could I get the 'special sauce'? It's for my big sister's birthday, wink wink," I said, him then smirking at that.
"Hehe, course I can, kid! And would ya like anything else, or is that it?" he asked, me then seeing the menu and smirking at the options. But ultimately, I decided on three things to split my 50 on.
"I'd like an order of the Mac n' cheese bites, a large bark beer, and a non-special sauce version of a pepperoni pizza, please? Xtra large for that one," I said.
"Okay then, that'll be $32.59," he said, me then handing him the coupon and the money, which he then pocketed and smirked at. "Hehehe you'll love this," he smiled as he proceeded to make the stuff and Crystal walked in and avoided contact with the guy as he got to work on the cheese one. I then had us sit at the table on opposite sides and waited for a good 10 minutes before all the meal was prepped!
"Bon appetite, kid! And hey, is that your date?" he asked with a creepy smirk.
"No, she's just a friend. She was invited to my sister's party, and she wanted to get the first slice," I said, which Crystal then punched me in the arm. "Yep, deserved that one, ouch," I smirked.
"Yes, yes you did," Crystal smirked as Rod then went behind the counter and proceeded to go to the bathroom for... obvious reasons. "I guess you might have some of Cooper's traits in you still, though. He has a big habit of open mouth, insert foot, and always narrates things out loud. I saw you doing stuff like narrating out loud at school when you were trying to avoid Chet and Brittanii," she said.
"They were about to see through my disguise after I got out of the bathroom, so I had to add the safety goggles for a bit... may have accidentally took them from the school, but, eh, no cameras, no worries, right?" I smirked.
"Heh, you know that much at least. That school never had cameras. I have a feeling that the idiots run that school, since Kent always wins prom king and before he was in high school, all the winners of king and queen were either idiots or bullies," she frowned.
"Glad we could get to know each other like this, even if it's just a mutual friendship... between a girl and a guy who has the mind and soul of a girl," I smiled.
"Yep, and that is still the most bonkers thing I've heard so far in my entire life."
"Oho, just wait until part 2 happens," I said.
"What? You mean the adventure gets even weirder than you being here?" she asked.
"In due time, you'll find out. I don't want to be used like a crystal ball, as fun as that would be," I smirked.
"Aw, well, at least I know to be careful at the very least." We then proceeded to eat the food that I got that was not made with special sauce, me then stacking the leftovers into the extra large pizza box and then, afterwards, I then had Crystal carry that box while I proceeded to carry the large pizza with the special sauce.
"Okay, now time for the best moment you'll ever see in this adventure. As I said, out of sight, but feel free to take a picture or two if you're at a good angle," I smirked.
"Oh, trust me, I will," she smiled as we then went back to my house, seeing the three bullies there waiting for me and them to look at me and me alone, with Crystal hiding out by going to the backyard of Shark Dad's house and then hiding by the wall of my house as I got into the danger zone.
"HAH! Look at this! The pipsqueak finally showed up! Ready to die like a baby?" Chet asked while punching his fist into his hand.
"Why would you want to kill me when I have a peace-tza offering?" I asked, making a pun in the process and holding out the pizza, the trio then smirking and shrugging their shoulders before then starting to eat the pizza. And best part? They proceeded to scarf the pizza down, not even trying to taste it! And they had managed to get down to one piece before I looked at Crystal and saw she gave me a point to her camera and a thumbs-up. She got the evidence, now for the clincher.
"HAH! Got you all so GOOD!" I smirked widely.
"Huh? What are you talking about?" Brittanii asked as Chet was about to eat the last slice.
"That pizza was made with a special sauce from Rod's pizza. A special sauce that's white, warm, and makes babies!" I smirked, which I said right as Chet was biting into the final slice, him then spitting it out and gawking at the cum that was on the pizza!
"O-Oh... Oh my god... OH MY GOD!" Chet shouted in disgust before then puking all over Brit, which Crystal took a photo of that, too!
"OH FUCK! DID YOU JUST?!... BLAAARRGHHH!" Brittanii barfed next, all over Kent's shirt, him then gasping before then seeing the pizza slice and shuddering.
"No, nonono! You made us eat CUM pizza?! YOU BASTARD! You planned that all along, didn't you?!" Kent asked angrily, me smiling at him with a nasty, shit-eating grin.
"How's it feel to be treated like trash for a whole day, Kent? Doesn't feel so good, now does it?" I asked, him then snarling and about to punch me before I then heard Crystal speak.
"NOT A GOOD IDEA, KENT!" Crystal shouted as Sawyer then came in from her bike as Crystal then simply held the pictures in hand and handed them to Sawyer.
"Sawyer, take these photos and put them in the next issue, if you please," she smiled, Sawyer looking at the photographs, including the two that I provided of Kent groping Patty and Sawyer then pocketed all of them in a special storage bag on her back and the bullies looked at me in shock.
"You... Did you have Crystal take photos of that?!" Brittanii asked in shock.
"Can't really hurt the most popular without cold hard evidence, now can I? And consider this payback for all the constant abuse you've given me for my entire school life. As God said in the bible, Do unto others what you would want done unto yourself. If you bully me, I bully you back. HARDER!" I smirked, the trio then shuddering before then getting angry.
"You're dead for this! I swear to you, we're going to kill you for this! You won't even make it into school tomorrow before we hang you by your guts and beat you like a pinata!" Chet shouted angrily, me looking at Sawyer and her smirking at that.
"Oh, really? You're gonna beat the shit outta him? Like how you, Chet, beat the shit out of your pant leg this morning?" Sawyer asked, which he then looked at her in embarrassment before Brittanii gawked.
"Chet... you... oh my god, that's GROSS! And you had me kissing you on your lap?! EW! I need to go home now! I need five showers at the least!" Brit shouted before then rushing off, with Chet following after her, trying to explain himself and apologize. Poorly. And that just left myself, Kent, Crystal, and Sawyer.
"Well, that was gross... so, you're going to make that evidence go away, right? What do you girls say to a make out session with yours truly?" Kent asked like a creep, which Sawyer spoke.
"I'd sooner give a blowjob to a possum before I so much as touch your disgusting body," Sawyer said, which got Kent to frown. And then Crystal spoke.
"After what you did to Patty? And after you, Chet, and Britannii threatened to actually kill Coop, multiple times? You'd sooner be king of the shit in my cat's litterbox than my prom king," Crystal said before then picking up the cum pizza and shoving it in Kent's face, him looking at her in shock.
"Nice one, Crystal!" I smiled at her.
"This isn't over, Cooper! If you even so much as look at me tomorrow, you are dead meat!" he snarled before then walking away... before Sawyer revealed a tape recorder and pushed the stop button.
"Cut and print! I'll be taking this evidence to the police, then," Sawyer said loud enough for Kent to hear, which Sawyer then mounted her bike and pedaled off into the distance towards the police station, with Kent running after her with concern and fear all over his face!
"Take a bath, hippie!" I shouted out as he ran away, him deciding to continue running after Sawyer, knowing the dangers juvenile hall would be to his reputation.
"I'd worry about what's going to happen to you, but I think you've got this in the bag, Coop... before I go, could you tell me your name that you had before the switcheroo happened?" Crystal smiled.
"Nobody knows, got it?" I smiled, which Crystal nodded at. "Tina Crepe Cheerio, Crepe being my nickname and middle name. If you want, you could call me Crepe and Kent can be called Creep. Got 'em!" I smirked widely, Crystal actually laughing so hard that she ended up crying.
"That's the dumbest joke ever, but it's so dumb that it's hilarious! I gotta tell that one to Jake! Can I tell him your new nickname at least?"
"Yes to the nickname. It'd be easier for me to respond to Crepe than Coop," I smiled.
"Okay, I gotta go. Thanks for the food and the show... you gonna need that pizza box?" she asked.
"Actually, even though I'd love to burn it to the ground, I need it for a later quest. It'll be easier if I told you at a later date," I smiled.
"Okay, bye, Crepe! I'll make sure your secrets are safe!" Crystal said as I then looked at the empty box and saw that, thankfully, it didn't smell like cum and had no sauce staining the inside, so I had to hope Hobo Steve didn't notice.
I finally went into the humble abode and saw the nicest, yet nastiest grandma in any game I'd ever seen. Coop's granny.
"Hi grandma, I'm home. I brought leftovers for the next couple days," I smiled at her.
"Hello there, Coop, deary. How did you get that much food? It smells heavenly," she smiled.
"I returned a wallet to a blind guy and he thanked me with a 50. And I actually got the bullies some payback by giving them the special sauce pizza," I smiled.
"Oh, that's wonderful to hear, Coop! You're finally sticking it to the man, just like yer granny does! Before you relax, could I ask you to run a few errands for me? I left the list on the fridge," she smiled.
"Okay, I'll help out, so long as we can watch tv together when we're done," I smirked.
"That sounds lovely, deary! We could watch the old episodes of Memory Head and Legends of the Hidden Pyramid," she smiled widely, those obviously being this universe's takes on Concentration and Legends of the Hidden Temple.
"Perfect choices, grandma. Now to see what's on the list," I smirked as I went and looked at the list. And I sighed internally at how it was the same chores as the game, including giving her raunchy photos to her boyfriend, Bernie, which were thankfully in a sealed letter.
"Okay, gotta fix the printer, remove wasp nest from roof, and deliver sexy pics to Bernie. Three tasks to do before sundown, and lucky me, I think I could fix the printer on my own," I smiled as I then went to the dining room to grab the matches, then grandma's room for the cane, and then I used the cane to open the ceiling ladder to the attic. After extending the ladder, I went inside and went through to find the 70 plus year old box of fireworks as well as the chewed cable for the router for the printer. I simply grabbed some rubber gloves from a nearby box and started to mess with the wires like I did back home.
Yeah, I was good at connecting wires together and fixing broken wiring. But how? I lived in a house with three cats. And they loved chewing the cords. I always coated every wire in duct tape at home to protect it and, if they got through the tape, I fixed the wires on my own and reapplied duct tape with a lathering of ghost pepper sauce.
Unfortunately, I had no such kind of sauce to work with in the attic, so instead, after I fixed the wires and then applied duct tape, I coated the wires in a thick layer of... ick... spiderwebs.
"One thing me and Coop can agree on... spiders are fucking creepy. It looks like the little buggers aren't around right now, so I hope they don't get mad at me for ruining their homes," I said aloud before realizing that I narrated my life again. "Goddammit!" I then simply went outside via the lower part of the house, not the attic, and, once there, I proceeded to light the heavily expired fireworks on fire on the grill, creating QUITE a lot more smoke than the game depicted, all of it going up to the nest and making the wasps within and around it fall asleep. I then grabbed the conveniently placed oven mitts, put them on, and went up to the nest, seeing the wasps were neutrilized, but alive. And then I looked down and saw the fireworks were catching fire at this point.
"Burn in hell, wasps," I said as I then dropped the nest right on the grill from the roof, which made the nest break apart and for all the wasps within it to be hit by the smoke and flames, all of them dying shortly after in the process, with only one of them surviving and then going to the closest person it saw, that being the neighbor and trying to attack him, but he got stung once and he swatted it.
"OW! Dammit, that fricking hurt!" he shouted in pain as I then went down the ladder shortly after, going to the living room to give grandma the good news.
"I fixed the printer up and got the wasps handled... now to give your pictures to a guy called Bernie, right?" I asked.
"That's right, deary. He lives in Golden Haze retirement home. He'll be grateful for them, and he said that he'd come over at 9 tonight for some fun times," she smirked.
"Too much info, now I'm gonna get going. See ya in a bit, grandma," I said with as convincing a smile as possible, me then leaving the place and proceeding to trek down the street once more. I had to get to the old folks home, and hope that I didn't have to steal those sex pills in the process.