Dear diary,
You've been the friend I've needed since I can remember. You've been there for me to vent to when I've had no one else I could rely on, and today I need that more than ever. That hand to hold to give me the extra strength I need.
Today marks the beginning of a new chapter in my life. Quite literally. I was going back to school after the long summer break, and had to face everyone again. I had to see Mike… Jessica… Angela. I've been ignoring them for weeks, and now it's time to face the music.
The pages of this journal have been my silent confidante through the hardships over the last several months, and as I sit here with my stomach wound tight in a knot I find solace within your pages and the scratching of the pen against them.
Starting school feels like stepping on a landmine. REady to explode and shatter me into pieces. The knowing and sorrowful looks, the judgement, the talking as I walk past everyone. I can barely stand the thought of it. ITs like stepping into a different world, one loud and boisterous with yelling and over exaggerated gestures. Faster than the quiet, comforting cadence of my room.
The hallways will echo symphonies of voices and laughter, but in my mind there's a quieter storm brewing.
I'm not as nervous about the subjects or meeting my old friends, no, it's the relentless tug of change that's unsettling me.
Everything is telling me I need to move forward. The world is pushing me to persevere, yet all I want is for everything to pause. So I can catch my breath and slow down.
Today I'll wear a mask of composure. I'll be polite and cordial, I'll say 'I'm fine' one too many times and try to pretend like my world wasn't torn apart. That their looks of sadness and concern don't irk me.
Wish me luck Diary.
Yours, Bella.
Join me next time.
Lia.