From the May 18, 2023 writer's prompt on the JE FF Facebook page. Write a one-shot using the words "asking for a friend". No longer a one-shot.

Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Janet Evanovich. I am not making any money from this. Mistakes are mine.

References to Chapters 19, 23 and 25 of Even the Pup is an Unmentionable.

Asking for a Friend by Debra8652

Chapter 8

My name is Bobby Brown. I am in charge of the medical unit at Rangeman Securities. I met Carlos, Tank, and Lester while I was an Army medic in their Rangers unit. I am a Core Team member at Rangeman. Since retiring from military service I completed my studies and became a Nurse Practitioner. It allows me to perform some of the duties that formerly had to be done at our local hospitals, usually St. Francis. I must admit that I occasionally (and longingly) look at the application to the medical school at Rutgers. How does Dr. Robert Brown sound?

In the meantime, I write up injury and illness reports for Rangeman as they occur and compile them by month and then a year-end report. My official records use more medical terminology for insurance purposes but I write in more user friendly terms for the reports I send to the other three Core Team members plus Bones and Zip. Any injuries that result from fieldwork are in a separate report as the injuries may involve assigning hazard pay, filing for workers' compensation, or disability. The following report covers the last two months.

Vince: ingrown toenail on big toe of left foot treated by podiatrist. On desk duty, wearing flip-flops until released by podiatrist. Injury: nipped on little toe of same foot by resident turtle. No additional treatment needed. Stern look given to turtle by resident Border Collie.

Ramon: dirt bike accident at parents' home on his day off. Scrapes to the outside of left hand. Treatment: Mom, day care provider certified in First Aid, cleaned the scrapes, applied Neosporin, and Baby Shark Band Aids. Treatment at Rangeman: I removed Band Aids, found no infection, reapplied Neosporin, and rebandaged with Scooby Do Band Aids, as provided by patient's mother.

Brett: laceration to underside of chin when gym treadmill jerked upon startup, causing a fall. Treatment: Laceration closed by Bones with eight stitches. Stitches removed by me seven days later. No further treatment. Coworkers gave him a helmet with chin strap as a gag gift.

Gene: diagnosed by me with inner ear infection after fellow Rangemen noticed him staggering down hallway outside his fourth floor apartment at 0700 hrs. Treatment: Benadryl, ear drops with steroid and confined to Infirmary until dizziness passed. Released for desk duty after two days. Coworkers offered to wrap him in bubble wrap to cushion him from running into walls, door frames, furniture, other personnel...

Flash: emergency appendectomy at St. Francis at 0200 hrs. on Wednesday. Released to Rangeman Infirmary at 1400 hrs. Three days in Infirmary. Released to light duty on Monday, as pain and energy allows.

Ram: diagnosed with Strep throat, temp of 103. Treatment: antibiotic injection followed by oral antibiotic, Tylenol for pain and fever. Confined to Infirmary for two days. Additional treatment: patient asked that Stephanie go to his apartment, locate his requested books and read to him. Requested books were Shel Silverstein's "Where the Sidewalk Ends", "The Giving Tree", and "A Light in the Attic". Released to full duty after 24 hrs without fever.

Paul - new Rangeman from International Falls, Minnesota. Fell on rain-slick grass and bruised elbow. Claims International Falls has two seasons - winter and the Fourth of July - and doesn't know how to walk on wet grass. No treatment needed.

Tank and Cal: tried to exit Tank's office door simultaneously when a Plum Alert went out. Bruises on shoulders. No treatment needed.

Ghost and Zero: tried to exit adjacent cubicles simultaneously when Plum Alert went out. Bruises on knees. No treatment needed.

Note: Plum Alert was triggered by Frank Plum's magnetic screwdriver setting off SP-M's tracker while she was visiting him in his garage. Stand down order given by Ranger after speaking to Steph by phone.

Note: no injuries sustained during pickleball matches at Rangeman Labor Day picnic.

Lester: pulled groin muscle sustained during rowdy game of Twister at Rangeman Labor Day picnic. Patient requested massage from Stephanie P-M. Request unanimously denied by all those present. Treatment: Stephanie used ice from the picnic coolers and a towel to make an ice pack. Claimed it would help with swelling and, if a massage was needed, he should take care of it himself.

Binkie: had a sneezing fit when Twister game put him in close proximity to Manny who, as Binkie claimed, "used too much Paco Rabanne cologne". Treatment: moved Binkie and Manny to separate Twister teams.

Rex: hamsters are nocturnal animals. Sunshine was too bright while he attended Labor Day picnic in his exercise ball. Treatment: moved to shaded area and ordered appropriate-sized sunglasses from Etsy.

So, if I attach this report to my application, will I be admitted to Rutgers medical school? Should I attend a medical school that would accept me as a student? Asking for a friend.

A/N Your reviews are greatly appreciated. This is based on Groucho Marx's quotes "I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member", "I'd never date someone who would go out with me", and "I'd never attend a university that would accept me as a student".

Be sure and read "Piggyback" by Robot Zombie Pineapples for the further trials and tribulations of Bobby Brown.