The day before Ellie and Joel reached Jackson, Ellie brought up the future for the first time. She wanted a sense of what life would look like after the doctors made the cure. She said the word "we" when she asked the question by the campfire that night.
"It's we?" Joel asked.
She saw Joel as the superhero and herself as his faithful sidekick. They were on their way to save the world from the cordyceps infection, taking down threats left and right. They were a team, so of course they were "we".
Ellie recovered quickly from the shock and kept talking, like Joel hadn't just told her their days together were numbered.
In Jackson, when Joel finally told her he was leaving, Ellie had been expecting it. Her hope clung on tight, and Ellie tried to convince him. Maybe if Joel knew how scared she felt, he'd change his mind and stay. Then he said the words right to her face, the words she'd been dreading.
"We're going our separate ways."
Back when her bite mark had been fresh, while Ellie waited to die, she threw away all her hopes for the future. Now, with Joel's words, she had to throw hope away again.
He slammed the door as he left, and just like that, Ellie was alone. He didn't care that she felt scared. He was leaving her anyway.
The next morning in the stables, Joel changed his mind. The flames of anger in Ellie died to a smolder. At least she wouldn't feel afraid on their way to the university. She wondered if he'd leave her once they arrived.
"There's a place for you here. Both of you," Tommy said before she and Joel left.
"Countin' on it," Joel said.
Both. Ellie tried to stop it, but her hope lifted anyway.
They spent the next few days traveling on a beautiful brown horse with a soft mane. Joel told Ellie stories about life before the outbreak and Ellie found every opportunity to crack a joke. In those moments, it was easy to forget what Joel had said to her. Neither of them brought up what had happened in Jackson.
Every night the uncertainty would grow, a heavy weight in her chest. She'd stare up at the stars, wishing Joel would promise out loud that he'd never try to leave again. That way, Ellie would know for sure. Maybe then the cruel words he'd said in Jackson would stop echoing in her head.
–
On the fourth morning, it snowed. Small white flurries sizzled as they hit the campfire. Joel looked deep in thought, staring into the flames. He'd been quieter than usual this morning, and Ellie felt that pull of uncertainty again.
She chewed a bite of rabbit meat, still hot from the fire, and tried to think of something to say.
"How long will it take them to make the cure?" she asked.
"Not sure. Could be awhile," Joel said, absently.
The university was only a day's ride away and Ellie's fear had grown that Joel would change his mind and leave her once they got there. Though he'd agreed to Tommy's offer for them both to stay in Jackson, Ellie didn't completely trust that Joel would follow through.
"It'll be weird sleeping in beds again once we get back," Ellie said.
Her voice wanted to waver at the word "we," but Ellie kept her words steady. The last time she'd said "we," Joel had made it clear he didn't see it that way.
Joel made a sound of acknowledgement, and Ellie waited, studying his face for some reaction. She wanted to ask it outright. Us? We? That's happening, right?
She couldn't say those words. She'd already opened herself up when she tried to convince Joel to stay with her. Doing that again felt too risky, like putting weight on thin ice. The fact that he could change his mind again, and Ellie would be powerless to stop it, felt like watching her heart get thrown around.
"I had a dream last night about the food in Jackson," Ellie said, wrapping hope around her like a warm blanket.
"It was that good, huh?"
Joel lifted his eyes from the campfire, like she'd finally pulled him from his thoughts. That was a good sign. Ellie went for levity, seeing a chance to tease him.
"Better than good." Ellie smirked, lifting up her half of the roasted rabbit impaled on a stick. "Way better than this too."
Joel returned the flat look he always gave whenever Ellie made fun of him. "You can gut the next catch yourself if you wanna complain."
"It's not complaining. You liked their food more too. Admit it."
"Hm." Joel huffed out a short laugh. "We'll have their food again soon enough."
Ellie blinked. He'd said it. We.
In that moment, the growing weight in Ellie's chest lightened, replacing itself with a steady warmth. He would stay with her. He wouldn't change his mind. The relief almost felt dizzying, and Ellie pressed her lips together, trying not to let her smile grow too wide. She wanted to keep her cool after all.
"Go ahead and finish eating. We're wasting daylight," Joel said.
They were back on the horse soon after, snowflakes sprinkling their jackets and hair. Tomorrow they'd reach the university lab and save the world. Then they'd go back to Jackson.
Ellie wasn't sure what life would look like after that, but knowing Joel would be with her was all the certainty she needed.