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Olivia sighed. She'd have to accept that answer and it was quite clear that Alex wasn't going to be elaborating any further. Putting the thought out of her mind, she tried to concentrate on what she could do to help her right then. Against all her training, she didn't want to risk further upsetting her. It was Alex, her friend. The woman who stayed late to help her finish so she wasn't alone. Who ordered her pizza and took her out for drinks afterwards. All the training in the world couldn't have prepared her for finding her friend hurt in the squad room.

'I think we should get you to the emergency room, ok?' Olivia tried again to gently bring her back to the present, both to get her the help she needed and to protect her from whatever thoughts and memories she kept losing herself in.

Of all the things she wanted Alex to do next, Olivia suspected getting her to the hospital to be seen by a doctor would be one of the harder ones. It went against every instinct she had to be self-sufficient, especially in such a vulnerable state. Olivia knew this, because it was exactly the thoughts she had when she had been hurt. Neither had disclosed their childhoods to each other in great detail, but Olivia could assume that they weren't all that different. Alex Cabot and Olivia Benson were not people to ever depend on others if they could possibly avoid it, though it didn't stop them from trying to help others, and this time wasn't any different.

Alex shook her head, again only slightly so that Olivia might have missed it if she hadn't been unable to take her eyes away from the blonde since she'd first seen her.

'I'm fine. I don't need to.'

Olivia sighed. 'You're not fine, Alex. You've been outside in the cold for god knows how long, you're covered in scrapes and you told me yourself you banged your head. Come on, just do it for my peace of mind if nothing else, please?'

…

Alex considered. She hated hospitals and had done ever since she was a child. It hadn't been long after her tenth birthday that she'd taken one look at her mother laying bruised against the white sheets and decided that she would never be at someone else's mercy. She'd stayed awake that whole night, watching over her mother and resolved to protect her. Clearly she'd failed at that.

She tried to push the thought from her mind.

She didn't want this. She was uncomfortable with the amount of attention on her. It wasn't as though she wasn't used to the focus being on her; she'd built a career from commanding the audience of a room of strangers and convincing them to believe her arguments. Somehow, though it was just her and Olivia, she felt exposed and uncomfortable in the spotlight this time. She wanted no part of this.

Pushing the chair back slightly away from the detective, Alex stood up, instantly stumbling as she tried to regain her balance. She whimpered in pain despite trying to stifle it as Olivia grabbed her arm to help steady her. Olivia looked at her, holding eye contact and silently pleading with her to let her take her to the hospital.

'Please. No ambulance, I promise. Just let me drive you so they can check you out.'

Eventually, Alex realised she had no choice. The adrenaline had worn off now and she was starting to feel more pain in areas she hadn't even noticed before. Her left wrist was still throbbing from where Olivia had tried to help her gain her balance, and she thought she felt a lump on the back of her head where it had smacked into the wall. She nodded reluctantly. Slowly, with Olivia gripping Alex's right arm, they made their way outside to the black SUV Olivia and Elliot usually drove.

Despite herself, Alex found herself looking around, squeezing Olivia's hand as she made sure that there was no one waiting for them. It was irrational, and she hated that they had reduced her to a scared, weaker version of herself. She hadn't been that person for a very long time. If it hadn't been for the steadfast grip Olivia had on her arm, she wasn't sure she'd have made it to the car. The pain in her head had reduced to a dull throb, making her feel dizzy. Every few steps she stumbled and had to catch herself to prevent her from toppling onto the sidewalk. All she wanted to do was close her eyes and sleep, but her need to prove to Olivia that she was fine prevented her from doing so. In the car, she let her fingers play with the frayed hem of her blouse, pleating it and smoothing it repeatedly.

She knew why Olivia had asked her. She knew how it looked. She also knew it was her job. Like it for not, she'd gone to her for help. She'd shown up in the Special Victims squad room at 2am, hurt and shell-shocked, with her clothes ruined and completely terrified. It wasn't unreasonable and if she hadn't asked her, she'd have been considerably more confused. However, the further Olivia drove, dodging between cars at risk of breaking the speed limit multiple times and only putting Alex further on edge, it dawned on her that she'd have to answer the question at the hospital. There were steps they'd have to take, steps Olivia would want her to take, if she said yes.

But she didn't want to talk about it. Didn't want to relive it. She didn't want to admit how easily they'd overpowered her, just how quickly everything could have gone so horribly wrong. The thought scared her and she couldn't shake the image in her mind of her against the wall, helpless, unable to move. The way she was so sure of what would happen next. She'd prosecuted enough of these cases, working with the SVU: she knew what could happen.

However, she wasn't so naïve as to think she could avoid it indefinitely by refusing to talk. Sooner or later, most likely sooner, she would have to give a statement. They needed to get the case file back, and it was likely her statement of what had happened would strengthen the prosecution's case against Peterson. Plus, it was Liv. She would want her to press charges regardless of all that.

Alex took a deep breath. All she had to do was tell her. Four simple words. She could refuse to answer any other questions. This was silly, irrational. It wouldn't hurt her. Besides, she was already hurt. It couldn't make anything worse.

It would make everything real though.

'They didn't do it. They didn't rape me.'

She turned to face Olivia, inhaling sharply as the small movement sent pain ringing through the back of her head. Though she'd never have admitted it, she was mildly relieved to be going to the hospital. At least they'd have good painkillers.

And hopefully something to make this dizziness go away, she thought.

…

She'd had to practically carry Alex into the car. The ADA wasn't aware, she didn't think, but she'd been unable to support almost any of her own weight walking downstairs. All she could focus on was getting her to the ER where people could help her, people much more talented than her. Alex needed people who could actually help her, who could do more than ask questions that she knew she didn't want to answer. She understood, she did, more than Alex knew. She knew the shame the question carried for her if it was true. It was the same shame she'd felt after her undercover operation at Sealview. Despite having worked at SVU for so many years, it always surprised her just how almost every victim she met felt the same burden as the one previous to them. She struggled to understand how society had let down the women that made up half of it so catastrophically that it could allow them to blame themselves for something that was so far out of their control. It was one of the reasons she had never left SVU: her work never felt complete.

The only thought racing through Olivia's mind as she sped to the hospital was that if any of those men had so much as thought about doing the inconceivable to her closest friend, she would personally hunt them down and kill them with her bare hands. She was so fixated on this that, when Alex had finally confirmed it hadn't happened, it took her a minute to register. Then came the relief, and almost immediately the guilt at that. Even if she hadn't been raped, it was abundantly clear that she had still been through hell, something Olivia ought to have been able to protect her from. That was her job. What use was the gun and badge she carried if she wasn't able to save the people closest to her?

Her heart broke as she saw the flash of pain on Alex's face. She had never been one to complain, so she knew it had to be bad for her to be showing any sign of discomfort. Olivia sensed that that was all Alex wanted to say on the matter, at least for the time being, and she didn't want to push it. What was important right now was getting her medical attention.

They finally reached the hospital after what felt like hours to Olivia. She parked haphazardly somewhere she was relatively sure she shouldn't have, but it was the closest place to the entrance she could find. Alex shouldn't be walking further than could be helped; she felt quite sure about that. Without missing a beat, she took the keys out the ignition and ran around the front of the car to help the blonde. She hooked an arm around her waist, the other holding her hand, and pulled Alex out of the car.

'Ok?' she murmured.

Alex didn't reply.

'Alex? Oh, ok, ok. You're ok,' Olivia whispered rapidly as she suddenly felt all of her weight in her arms.

The two of them sank to the ground, Olivia trying her best to break the unconscious woman's fall.

'I need some help over here!' she cried, sitting on the ground with Alex in her arms, panic rising in her as she appreciated for perhaps the first time the severity of her injuries.