*Let's put it back where it belongs.*
The words wrang out in Kathryn's head. It seemed everything would be okay.
It seemed Chakotay had forgiven her for all the wrongdoings of the past days. It seemed...
But something wasn't quite right. Something didn't fit. She wasn't sure if it was the way he held himself when duty called, or the way he said her name when they were alone discussing staff matters, but something wasn't right.
As the days since 'The Equinox Incident' went by and things appeared to be returning to normal, it appeared that though the Captain and Commander's relationship was stronger than ever Kathryn and Chakotay didn't quite click anymore the way they used to.
Then one day, months after 'The Equinox Incident', Kathryn decided it was time to confront him.
She decided it was time to make it all better so to speak. And so at dinner that day in the mess hall she confronted the problem. She would never forget as long as she lived that moment, or his reaction.
She thought everything was going to be okay.
She thought things would go back to the way they once had been.
She thought she could put things back where they belonged.
She thought wrong. Emotions were not like a plaque on the wall...
"Chakotay we have to talk about this, about us."
Chakotay looked at her with an emotion in his eyes that Kathryn had never really experienced from this gentle man before today.
It was something somewhere between loathing and hatred and it tore her to pieces to see it in his eyes.
She knew on that day that things would never be the same again.
"Kathryn it's not easy. You screwed up big time. The crew might be able to overlook that...but I can't."
He paused and looked hard into her. "On some level, even I don't understand, I love you and want to forgive you for what you've done. But you crossed the line."
Chakotay took a deep breath. "Dealing with my own demons is hard enough, I'm not sure I'm strong enough to wrestle yours as well."
Chakotay got up and pushed his chair in. Kathryn stared at him open-mouthed. "Aren't you going to finish your meal?"
He shook his head. "No I think that I'm going to eat in my quarters tonight. Goodnight Captain. I hope you sleep well."
Kathryn watched him walk out of the mess hall. For some reason she knew this would be a pivotal moment in their relationship. She just wasn't sure how, or where, or when the fence would be mended.
She wasn't even sure if it ever would be.
She just knew somehow...it needed to be.
END PART 1
TBC in Part 2