A/N: Slight AU in season 2 after the Nikki Heat book party, let's just pretend that she the case with Espo's old partner (2x21, Den of Thieves) happened before, so she knows Demming already.
Her heart beats fast as she picks up the book. Hm. It's heavier than she thought, or at least heavier than the one she read, of course. The book cover's cold and glossy beneath her fingers as she reads the blurb. Funny. She spent so much time reading every one of his books over and over and over again, dreaming about what it would be like to meet her favorite author and actually talk to him, really talk. Not the brief "hello who should I make it out for?" version at his book signing. She dreamt about a real conversation with him, about his ideas, his theories, if his process of writing the book and laying out the murder is in any way similar to the way she catches killers or if it's quite the opposite. It probably is, he told her once that he has to think like a killer, like a psychopath. That may be the reason why they work together so well, why their closure rate when from good to through the roof. Why she finally had fun in her life again, real fun, and was enjoying catching killers.
And now, he may be leaving. She stifles a sigh and turns the book around to read the dedication. A book he wrote about her. That's even better than any conversation she made out in her head in the last few years. She never could have imagined this. Her favorite author is following her around, becoming a friend ... more than a friend, if she's being honest with herself for once.
She finally opens the book.
To the extraordinary KB and
all my friends at the 12th.
Her heart beats so fast, warmth spreading through her body, heating her cheeks. Extraordinary. Her favorite author thinks that she's extraordinary.
"Hey", his voice causes goose bumps and her heart leaps.
"Hey", she chuckles, "I was just ... uh ... the ... uh ..." Gosh, Beckett, get it together. "The dedication – wow. Thank you." His smile is warm, honest and so tender, it makes her heart leap again.
"I meant it. You are extraordinary." She can see that he's really serious about that. He lets his eyes wander over her body for a minute, his mouth slightly agape, prickling on her body. Her cheeks are burning now and she dips her head to hide what he's doing to her.
"Kate ... you ... you look absolutely stunning." She blushes even more at his words, dipping her head deeper so she can hide behind the few locks, framing her face, ignoring the somersaults of her heart. She takes a shaky breath before she was able to answer him.
"Thank you. It was my mother's." She meets his eyes, her vision blurry from the unshed tears in her eyes, touched by the tender, loving smile caressing his lips.
"Seems like your mother had amazing taste." A smile breaks on her face before she can stop it. Why is this so easy for him?
"Yeah, yeah, she had." Gosh, she misses her mom so much. If only she could talk to her about Castle, have her advice.
"Listen ... I was thinking ..." His voice is full of emotion, as are his eyes, she could see that he's trying to find the courage to speak what's on his mind ... or rather on his heart by the looks of his nervousness, the slight tremble of his lips, the shallow breaths. Whatever he's going to say it's meaningful and it will probably change their relationship, she's sure of it. But then he averts his eyes quickly and when he looks up again only a split second later, he is closed up again and she can feel her heart sinking. Before she can stop herself her hand reaches out to rest on top of his forearm. Surprise paints his face, as he looks down at her hand.
"How long do you have to be here?"
He sighs, suddenly looking exhausted. "Another hour at last, probably two. Need to go and make my rounds, chatting with the VIPs, building connections." He smiles, wiggles his eyebrows, faking excitement, but she's surprised to see that it doesn't reach his eyes at all. She thought that he loves being the center of attention. Intrigued she takes a closer look, notices the fatigue in his eyes and features as if all of this wore him out. Is it just another act like his playboy image? At least she thinks – she hopes – that his playboy image is just an act, maybe for publicity to sell more books. A ruggedly handsome bestselling novelist who writes steamy sex scenes and might be your next date, sure that sells better than the honest, caring, and loving man and father she got to know in the last year. She wonders how he really feels about this.
"Can I buy you a drink afterwards?" He raises his eyebrows, clearly something he didn't expect her to say. "As ... as a farewell." She adds quickly. Gosh, Kate.
"Rick!", someone calls his name and if she doesn't know better she thinks she sees him flinch for the blink of an eye.
"Uh ... sure. I'd love that." And there it is, the honest, genuine smile that lets his eyes sparkle, makes her knees weak and her heart soar. The one she fell in love with. Wait, what? "I'll see you then?" She nods and before she knows it she can feel his hand burning on the small of her back and his lips brushing slightly over her cheek, leaving it burning as well. It takes her a while to catch her breath after he's gone.
She strolls over to join her team at the bar. They are laughing over something Espo said, all a bit tipsy already. Kate smiles and shakes her head. They have a hard job, it's good to see them having fun. She quickly zones out and starts watching Castle making his way through the crowds, shaking hands, sharing laughs although most of them never met his eyes.
"It's strange seeing him like this. Shaking hands and cracking jokes with the high society." Espo said and downs a drink. Is he jealous?
"Yeah, he's so different! He always seems so normal when he's at the precinct I sometimes forget that he's rich and famous. He's like a different person now." Ryan shakes his head in disbelief and is taken aback by his words. A different person? Ryan's right, he is different here. He fits perfectly in between luxury dresses and watches, always almost naturally the center of attention, charming his way through the crowd.
"He watches us at our workplace, now we watch him at his." Kate smiles. Maybe she should try to distract him again?
"Nah, drinking expensive Champagne, signing breasts from beautiful, sexy women, chatting with the upper class – that's not work, Beckett. That's pleasure." But before she can think of a good response Montgomery beats her to it.
"Oh, it is work, Esposito. Trust me. It's almost politics. Making connections, pleasing important people. He's damn good at his job. Maybe he can give me some tips for the next event I have to attend as captain. I wonder how he memorizes so much about almost everybody. He knows their names, their children's names, sometimes even pet names," he shakes his head laughing. "He knows what's going on in their lives, what they like, what's important to them. He must have a secret trick." Montgomery muses and points his glass at a gorgeous, sexy woman with a strong ponytail. "That's his publicist. She tells him who's important, who he needs to meet, maybe even what he needs to know. But here's the thing: they barely talk, she sometimes gives him signs, points to some people, that's all. So he knows every detail about these people by heart." The captain huffs and shakes his head in admiration. "He's doing that for three hours now and man, that's really exhausting work that he's doing there. I barely survive thirty minutes and my brain is mush." He laughs and sips his drink.
"Yeah, well. He seems to enjoy it a lot. I wouldn't mind signing some breasts." Espo turns his back to Castle. He really is jealous. Kate huffs in suprise and eyes Castle closer.
"Hasn't done that too much today," Lanie exclaims and throws a meaningful gaze at Kate who quickly dips her head to hide the blush on her face. But Lanie is right, she hasn't seen him sign any chest since she arrived even though he had plenty opportunities. Kate continues her observation on Castle. The longer she eyes him the more she notices the deepening lines on his face, the slight slumping. No one who doesn't know him as well as she does would ever notice, they'd be blown away by his charm but she can see it. Damn, since when does she know him so well? Maybe she should stop reading about him on Page 6 and listen more to what he wants to share with her ...
Suddenly, she remembers what she heard him say to Alexis when she first met him. Just once, I'd like someone to come up to me and say something new. She was so amused by it then, but maybe there's really more to it, to him, than she gave him credit.
"Woah, I definitely wouldn't mind if my work looked like that." Espo apparently couldn't resist watching Castle for long and points at the woman he's talking to. Kate's heart stings instantly. Damn, she's really stunning, the red dress she's wearing compliments her long, perfectly toned, tanned legs, emphasizes her being curvy in the most sexy and seductive way, her dark hair falls in the most beautiful waves over her back.
Kate snorts. "Yeah, only you'd be too busy staring and stuttering than to be actually working." Her team is laughing at her comment, easing the pain in her chest. Stop talking to her, Castle. As if he read her mind his eyes find hers and the smile on his face reaches his eyes for the first time since he's making his rounds. Kate swallows and averts her eyes to hide the blush on her cheeks.
"Kate, Kate, Kate!" Lanie pulls her away from her team and she tears her gaze away from him to meet the sparkling eyes of her best friend. She holds her book in her hands and stares at her. "Girl, that dedication?"
"What about it, Lanes?" Lanie shakes her head, presses a hand at her hip, and shoots her a "don't play dumb with me" look. She rolls her eyes but can't hide the blush on her cheeks nor the smile that blossoms on her lips. Gosh, why does Castle make her behave like a lovestruck teenager? And why is she having such a hard time right now ignoring her feelings like she expertly does anytime else?
"I told you that he got it bad. And by the looks of it," she lets her eyes wander over Kate's outfit "phew, Kate. You never looked this hot when we were out drinking and meeting guys. Wanna tell me something, girl?"
"There's nothing to tell, Lanie."
"So you're saying you just accidentally stumbled into the sexiest outfit you could find that outshines Nikki Heat just to ... impress the media? Make a statement? Get the attention of a certain someone?" Kate's cheeks are burning right now, she dips her head even lower in an attempt to hide it but she knows better than to think she could trick Lanie.
"Okay, yeah, maybe it has to do with a certain writer."
"And maybe because he's leaving?" Ouch, that stings more than it should. Kate's smile falls and she averts Lanie's eyes.
"Nothing's official yet." She manages to say, she's even proud that her voice sounds firmer than she feels. She doesn't want him to leave. She's got so used to having him around.
"But everybody knows that he'll get it because he's amazing and that he'll leave. You too. And besides, I overheard him talking to his agent earlier. Apparently, he got the official offer, just needs to sign it." Was that what he wanted to tell her before he changed his mind? That he's leaving? Lanie touches her arm as if she could sense the upcoming panic.
"That's ... that's good ... I guess. I mean ... this is a huge opportunity for him and I know how much it means to him." Ugh, she really is behaving like lovestruck teenager again, stumbling over her own tongue.
"As far as I'm concerned he might have something that means more to him." Lanie leans nonchalantly against the counter watching her.
Kate's head flies up and meets Lanie's soft gaze. "What do you mean?"
"I also heard him say that it's a big step and he may not be ready to walk away from Nikki Heat yet." Her heart stops. He didn't say that, did he? He wouldn't ... would he?
"He would ditch the offer for ... for ..." They are talking about his dream. A dream he had since he was a kid. He couldn't possible think about giving it up just for ...
"For you? Yeah, I guess he would. Why does this surprise you so much? That man wrote a book about you and mentioned in the dedication how extraordinary you are. It wouldn't surprise me if he'd rather write more books about Nikki Heat than oldfashioned agent." Kate's heart leaps in her chest, quickening her breath and heating her cheeks.
"I don't know, Lanie ..."
"Maybe you should tell him how you feel and that you don't want him to leave." She lets her head drop into her hands. Telling him how she feels? How does she feel? She knows that there is something, there was from the beginning, but would it be enough? Or would it just be an awkward one-night-stand, another notch on his bedpost, maybe if she's especially lucky an article on page six because someone saw them leaving together. And for that he would give up his dream?
"Oh, Lanie, come on. I can't do this."
"Why not? What if he really accepts the offer? You and I both know that it would be the best for his career. He would skyrocket. Worldwide." Beckett nods. Yeah, he would.
"That's exactly my point, Lanie! I don't want to hold him back from something that would be so good for him. Bond is the reason he wanted to be a writer. He deserves this chance."
"I talked about his career, I didn't say that it would be good for him." Kate lets out a shaky breath. Is she really ready to discuss her feelings let alone act on them? The past year has shown her that there definitely is something between them and she cannot think about what it would be like without him again. Every time she tries to imagine work without him constantly annoying her, bringing her coffee, making her day fun and light, making her feel special, extraordinary, the anxiety creeps in. She can't breathe, can't think, and her whole body aches. So she avoids thinking about it, putting it aside, ignoring her feelings like she did the past ten years and it worked just fine. At least before him.
"Kate, maybe it's time to do something before it's too late. Maybe he'll take the offer because he thinks that you aren't interested? Maybe he'll take the offer but still stays by your side." Lanie's brown eyes are scanning hers, she's almost as good as Castle to look right through her. Why does everybody always knows better how she feels than herself?
"Are you sure about that?"
"No, of course not. But I see how he looks at you and I see how you look at him and how you've changed since he started following you. You're lighter, Kate, having more fun, I'd almost go as far as to say you start to enjoy life somedays again. Tell him." Kate gives Lanie her typical eyeroll and tries to ignore the panic that rises in her chest by the mere thought of telling him how she feels if she still has no idea what that really means. She's not ready for it. Definitely not ready for it.