Chapter Four

It Seems Like Only Yesterday

My throat tightened with despair, making it difficult to breathe. "Please don't make me regret it all now…" I stared up at him, pleading for his understanding. "Don't tell me that all we ever had together was just a dream. Please don't do that. I couldn't bear it if you did…"

I didn't need saving. I wasn't looking for any knight in shining armour on a white horse. A man like Michael. And he already had Stevie. I'd wished them well.

Now that I had finally found him again, I just wanted Devon Miles. My beloved Edward…

Why is that too much to ask?

I didn't understand, he said. I understood all too well. He looked like he was drowning. His beautiful blue eyes still held shadows of despair and regret as he pulled his hand from mine, half-turning away from me.

Right then, I felt I wanted to mother him. I couldn't prevent a tiny smile. I tried to hide it from him. Mothering Devon really was the very last thing I wanted to do with him. What I really want to do with you is —

"You about ready to go then, Carolyn?" Michael asked from behind us. He glanced at Devon. "Shall I take Kitt? Or do you need him?"

I snatched a breath. This was my last chance to make Devon change his mind. To make him see my point of view. If I said nothing and accepted his dismissal, I knew he would walk away and not look back.

"Am I ready to go?" I asked him softly, putting everything into my questioning look as I stared up at his averted face. "Do you truly want me to leave?"

He glanced down at me. I could see he wanted to walk away. There was an epic battle going on between his analytical brain and his newly raw emotional state and all I could do was watch and hope.

I even remembered a prayer or two from my childhood. "Please?"

I never once had to beg for his love or attention when we were together. I never needed to. He always knew instinctively what I was thinking or feeling. He knew it now. I saw his long sigh of surrender and my sorrowing heart began to lift.

"No, thank you, Michael. I've… changed my mind. I'll take Kitt," Devon replied shortly, drawing a second, deeper breath and releasing it in a rush. "You'll need to fetch some of your things from your hotel," he said to me as his blue eyes studied each of my features in turn as if he was committing them to memory.

"Because?" I prompted softly, feeling Michael's gaze fixed on us with deepening interest.

"I'll ask the housekeeper to make up a room for you when we get back," Devon replied in a driven tone.

He glanced at Michael who shook his head at me as he backed up. "Hey, don't include me in this little party of yours, Devon. My money was always on Carolyn. She's one smart lady. She's getting what she wants."

He tipped two fingers to his temple. "I'll get out of your way and take Stevie home. You two are on your own." He studied me closely as if he was trying to work something out before he turned and walked away.

"Blast…" Devon said with feeling. "I still have those important phone calls I need to make." He ran a frustrated hand up and around the back of his neck beneath his shirt collar. "They can't wait."

"It's all right. If you really don't want me to stay…" I offered quietly knowing how much the admission of need had cost him. "I will understand. If you could call me a cab…"

I left the comment hanging there. He had to come back to me of his own accord or not at all.

"No, that won't be needed. When we get back and I've gotten rid of my calls, we'll sit down and talk. Really talk, like we used to," he replied as he took my hand through the crook of his arm to escort me from the house. "We need that. But right now, I have someone I think you should meet since you'll be staying here…" He glanced down at me. "With me…"

"Oh?" I breathed, looking up at him with keen interest. "And who am I meeting?"

I didn't care right then. I had won this round, and my heart was singing. Devon is allowing me to stay, and we were going to talk. I badly wanted to do that. I had something very important I'd always wanted to tell him. I really needed to tell him. It had waited for far too long. But how was I to know he was still alive?

"You'll see…" My love shook his head as he led me out into the front driveway. He didn't walk toward his parked sports car as I expected.

Instead, he guided me toward the sleek, black Trans Am which was again parked exactly where I'd first seen it. As before, the red light set into the hood moved from side to side like a single eye and again I had the impression I was being watched and analysed.

"This is Kitt," Devon informed me, indicating the car with a sweep of his free hand. "If we take him to the city we will get there and back a lot faster. He's… been designed to know the fastest route between two points."

"Okay…" I allowed cautiously, feeling again that weird sensation of disconnection. "What's going on here? Why do you think I need to meet a car?"

"Because he's so much more than just a car." Devon's lips quirked wryly. "It's all right, Kitt. You may introduce yourself. Carolyn already suspects you're something more than you seem."

"Good afternoon, Mrs Bridges," the car promptly said to me in a man's precise voice. "Wilton Knight was my creator and Devon carries on his legacy with FLAG. I am very pleased to be able to meet you properly. First impressions are very important, don't you think?"

"Good afternoon." I looked the car up and down seeking answers. "And I agree. First impressions are often the most honest." I tried to process what was happening and failed.

"Exactly." A small note of apology crept into that measured voice. "Thank you." Then it became formal again. "My name is Kitt. I must explain it's an anagram for Knight Industries Two Thousand."

The car seemed to be waiting expectantly for my response. I stared at its moving red light. I couldn't reply immediately. I was glad of Devon's supporting hand on my arm. "Um, hello, Kitt."

How else did someone greet a talking car? One that expressed its emotions like any human being.

"But I fear we may have gotten off to an uncertain start," Kitt continued in a conciliatory tone. "Devon is aware I have been very keen to make amends for my transgression. I did not wish to frighten you as I moved up to observe the wedding rehearsal this morning. Michael and Stevie do make a handsome couple, don't you think? I shall miss them both terribly when they finally leave our Knight Industries family. But life must involve progress or else we stagnate. Do you not agree?"

I could feel Devon watching me. Leashed amusement radiated from him. He was enjoying my confusion in a guarded way, trying to gauge my reaction.

"Just exactly what is going on here?" I demanded crossly. "Or is this some trick? Cars don't talk. Did you record his voice?"

"Why don't you ask Kitt?" he said softly. "He has been very keen to speak with you and explain."

"Oh, it's all very simple," Kitt replied in a comforting tone. "Get in and we will tell you all about it as I drive you back to the Beverly Wilshire. I do believe that is where you wish to go this afternoon. To collect your things? I'm sorry, Devon. But I heard it all. You forgot you're still carrying the commlink watch in your jacket pocket. An oversight on your part."

Devon grimaced as he pressed a hand to his pocket. "So I am. Michael left it behind when he resigned."

"You're going to drive us to the hotel?" I tried to cling to my certainties as the world tilted beneath my feet. "How is that even possible?"

"I would be very happy to show you." Both doors of the car swung open invitingly. "I have been fully computerised, and I am very capable of exact navigation. A pilot is required only to soothe the senses of any observer who may be startled by a seemingly driverless vehicle. If I switch to auto cruise you may fall asleep with impunity and leave everything to me. It is impossible for me to become involved in an accident."

"No, thanks," I replied quickly. "I prefer to keep my eyes on the road and my wits about me." I frowned at Devon, still feeling there was a trick here somewhere.

"Come on…" He smiled as he encouraged me toward the open passenger door. "Get in and Kitt will show you what he can do."

"I will also permit you to select the music for our journey," Kitt went on as I settled myself gingerly in the passenger seat and Devon closed the door. "I have already downloaded and itemised works from your era for your convenience. You only have to name the required song and leave the rest to me."

"You really have to be kidding me…" I frowned as Devon got in behind the wheel. "Is this all your foundation has been working on behind all the secrecy? A talking car?"

I looked around the inside of the car. It was even more fantastic than the outside. I stared at all the lights and screens. The steering wheel had been turned into something right out of a spaceship movie.

I knew Danny would be in his element with all the advanced gadgetry, but it worried me. I glanced longingly at the red sports car. It seemed so safe and normal.

"Kitt is a great deal more than just a car. He is the ultimate in what we have been trying to achieve at Knight Industries," Devon told me. "For now, he's the only one in existence."

"Are you impressed, Mrs Bridges?" Kitt asked, his somewhat smug voice coming from a small flashing screen in the centre of the dashboard. "I am utterly unique in the world, but I can assure you I never kid. It has not yet been built into my program. But I—"

"Kitt…" Devon said warningly, as he pushed some buttons on the centre console and took charge of the futuristic steering wheel.

"Yes, Devon?"

"Shut up and drive."

"Yes, Devon."

The engine immediately purred into life. We followed the driveway down to the gates at a faster pace than we had ascended earlier. Gordon and his fellow guards did not try to detain us. They waved us through as if we were out for a Sunday drive and we accelerated smoothly toward the city in the far distance.

"My system has just been loaded with a complete study of you, Mrs Bridges," Kitt continued our odd conversation as the miles flew by. "You have recently attained fifty-five years of age. A Gemini, I see. Interesting. Over a year ago, you divorced Ian Bridges. He is the owner and CEO of Madison Industries, a software development company that has been relocated from New Mexico with a view to going nationwide. He is certainly an entrepreneur. Together, you have three adult children. Two boys and one girl. I believe their dates of birth and names are—"

"What is this?" I recovered enough from my disbelief to cut off his bland summation of my life. "Okay, Mister, that's enough! Who said you could go prying into my private life?"

"Kitt…" Devon said warningly. "What's going on? Who gave you direct access to such personal files? They are none of your business."

"I'm very sorry, Devon," Kitt replied quickly. "But the initial source has made itself confidential. I will look into that and get back to you. The information was uploaded into my systems this afternoon. Is there something wrong or an inaccuracy? I was only stating the facts, Devon."

"No," I replied baldly. It had all been too accurate. "But I don't appreciate you knowing my business because it's just that. My business." I wiped at my stinging eyes. I wasn't going to break down and cry. But, until now, this day had been perfect.

"Duly noted," the car replied stiffly.

"Kitt, you will look into it as soon as we get back to headquarters," Devon commanded in a furious tone.

"Yes, Devon."

Devon glanced at me, seeing how upset I was. "I'm truly sorry about this. Such in-depth investigations are one of Kitt's main functions," he said in frowning apology. "But I wasn't aware your history had been loaded into his system. Someone has been very busy and extremely thorough. I too will be asking some hard questions the moment I get back to FLAG."

He shook his head. "But I should have told you before now. Anyone seeking to gain access to Knight Industries, or to me, is usually fully scrutinised. No one questioned your presence because you were with me."

He raised one shoulder. "Another reason why your staying with me was not a good idea. My life is not my own. It hasn't been for a very long time."

"I see…" I muttered, feeling ambushed and hurt. I inhaled deeply, forcing back the burning tears crowding into my eyes. 'Blast…' I didn't want to break down now. That would come later.

"Have I unwittingly overstepped my brief?" Kitt worried. "I apologise most profusely if I have caused any offence. It was never my intention. But as Devon says, it is embedded in my program. Any potential threat must be uncovered and neutralised immediately for the ongoing safety and security of FLAG. It is one of my primary functions. Whoever uploaded your files would know that."

"Oh, is it? How nice for you." I wanted to utter a very rude word then. I certainly thought it.

How could I be a threat to anyone? I didn't know anything! Not a single blasted thing about any of it! This precious FLAG of Devon's certainly thought a lot of itself.

I stared at the little red screen that was so small but saw so much I didn't wish to be revealed. Least of all the names and birth dates of my children. They were for me to tell Devon, if I chose to do so, in my own good time. Not to be blurted out by some futuristic machine with an attitude bigger than the state of Texas.

I glanced at Devon's set profile. What did he know? What had the car already told him of its discoveries?

My racing heart sank to the soles of my sandals. What if he'd already been made aware of my deepest secret? The one thing I never thought I would be able to tell him in this life. 'You died, remember?'

If he was aware, it wouldn't take a genius to calculate the date when we finally parted on that London train platform against the birth date of my eldest child. My beautiful Edward had been premature, or at least that's what I allowed Ian to believe. But I didn't know I was already a month pregnant when I married him.

Devon had always been very careful about such matters. I loved and respected him for his caution. I could only guess at how it had all gone wrong and by then it was too late.

I could privately admit I was an utter coward, terrified of the consequences if I'd confessed the truth. If my husband had been told my suspicions, I knew I would have been left with no home, no money and a newborn baby to care for. I suffered from nightmares for months afterwards.

But my child's true father was dead. Or so I'd been told. I needed Ian then. I spent years looking the other way whenever he had yet another affair. He always came back to me in the end. Eventually, I managed to carve out a life of my own. Then I could afford to move on.

But every time I looked at my beloved son, I saw the man I had loved with all my heart and soul. With his curling blond hair and deep blue eyes, my child looked nothing like the man who'd raised him as his own.

But to introduce my son to his biological father when he now lived and worked in such a dangerous world... I could not see my way clear on that front either. Under normal circumstances I could want for nothing more than to see them together, father and son, united at last.

It had been a cherished dream. Now I felt trapped, smothered by uncertainty and fear. The unknown crushed my ability to confess as I should.

As I always do when I'm nervous and upset, I worried the strap of my handbag, twisting it between my fingers. I knew Devon noticed because he glanced down at my lap. I could feel the sudden tension in him. He knew what I was about to say before I could formulate the words.

"You've decided not to stay with me at the house after all," he said in a flat, emotionless tone. "I understand. I'm deeply sorry my necessary work intruded into your life. It was never my intention to set someone to spy on you."

"I know that. But perhaps it's for the best if I don't stay with you," I replied, unable to look at him. I bit my bottom lip against my tears of loss and frustration.

He always knew what I was thinking. "For both of us," I allowed. "You have your work and I…"

Everything hopeful and wishful inside me sank in that fraught moment. We had come so far within the space of a single day and yet we were both still standing on that platform in Piccadilly saying goodbye all over again. My tears scalded the backs of my eyes, threatening to spill over and run down my cheeks. The final humiliation.

He'd always hated to see me cry. He was a very brave man but had always been at a total loss around such feminine weakness. He always brought me flowers to apologise afterwards.

"Mrs Bridges?" Kitt questioned hesitantly. "I can only apologise. Is there anything else I can do to make amends for your distress?"

"I'm afraid you've done quite enough already," I replied shakily. "You may drop me off at my hotel, Devon. I know you're very busy. There's no need for you to come in, I'll be fine. It's been a truly lovely day and I've really enjoyed meeting your friends."

"Devon?" Kitt asked. "What is going on? What is happening? Why is Mrs Bridges crying?"

"I'm not crying," I tried to assert.

"I must beg to differ. I detect that your body's core temperature has risen sharply. A sure sign of either stress or arous—"

"Kitt!" I replied sharply through clenched teeth, needing to interrupt his clinical analysis for my own sanity.

"Yes, Mrs Bridges?"

"Shut up and drive!"

"Yes, Mrs Bridges…"

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The futuristic talking car pulled up smoothly before the Beverly Wilshire Hotel. The engine stopped and a strained silence crept into the interior. None of us seemed willing to break it. I shivered with reaction as I held myself together by the barest of threads.

"I will see you inside," Devon finally said heavily.

"Thank you, but I'll be fine by myself," I replied quickly, still twisting the strap of my handbag between my fingers. "I need some time alone to think."

I looked over at him. He was watching me with such a depth of pain and regret in his eyes. His face blurred and I blinked at the tears in my own.

"Please, will you make sure that whatever records have been kept on me in your system are erased immediately." I lifted a denying shoulder. "I don't see that there is any need for them now. I am no threat to anyone or anything. And you have my solemn promise I will keep all your secrets."

"The records are completely erased," Kitt replied quickly. "I am sorry if you feel I overstepped my boundaries. It is in my program to serve and protect."

"Oh, I don't blame you," I said quickly.

I frowned. Now I'm truly losing it! I'm talking to a car and trying to soothe its feelings! A blasted car doesn't have feelings!

But the man seated next to me did. I hauled in a long, shuddering breath and released it through my parted lips. What more could I say to him?

I turned in my seat to face Devon. "You tried to tell me it wouldn't work between us. Not this time around. That there were too many obstacles in the way. I am truly sorry I didn't listen to you. I've put you through so much pain, and for what?"

"You were my life…" he said simply, turning to smile sadly at me. "But I am no longer in that life. And the one I lead now…" His smile faded as he raised a helpless hand, trying to see his way forward. "For one sweet day out of time, I allowed myself to dream. I thought it could work between us as it always had before. I dared to hope…"

Hope… I sighed. There was that word again. It had fooled many more people wiser than us.

The small red screen in the centre of the dashboard stared at me in silence. Outside the car, I could see the valet and the doorman waiting expectantly. I needed to make the break clean and I needed to make it now. I could cry out my anguish and pain in the privacy of my suite.

I leaned over to press a quick kiss to Devon's cheek. "Thank you, Devon, for a wonderful day. I will not forget it or you. I will see you on Saturday for the wedding. I was looking forward to that and I wouldn't want to disappoint Stevie."

I touched one fingertip to his hard-set lips. "But afterwards… I don't think I can live in your world. I'll need time to reassess my plans for my future. Maybe I'll go back to Santa Fe for a while. I… still have a house to sell there. Or maybe I'll keep it. Perhaps LA is not right for me, after all."

"Carolyn… I—"

"Thank you, Devon. Thank you for everything. It truly has been wonderful seeing you again…" I clung to my hard-won resolution and reached for the door handle. "To know you are still alive in this world is enough…"

Of course, it wasn't, but I needed to say it. I still had my memories, cold comfort though they were. But his secretive world was so alien to me now. To be measured and investigated made me feel too exposed and vulnerable. I knew I couldn't live like that, pinned like a bug under a microscope.

The passenger swung open without my touching it. I smiled sadly at the small red screen. "Thank you, Kitt."

"You are most welcome, Mrs Bridges. Again, I cannot express how sorry I am."

"Me too…" I hesitated, then shook my head as I accepted the doorman's outstretched hand and got out.

The door shut behind me and there was nothing more to say. The car powered away even before I entered the hotel lobby.

I was painfully aware there were no perfect lives, only perfect moments. This single day had been one of those precious gifts, but it was over all too soon. The sun was starting to go down in the west, beginning to paint the wide blue sky with streaks of red and gold.

I grimaced as I took the elevator up to my suite. I unlocked the door and entered the living room, slamming the door shut behind me. I ran through to the bedroom and threw myself full-length onto the wide bed. I buried my face in the pillows and finally allowed the pent-up tears to flow.

Reality really was a hard, cold-hearted, unfeeling bitch of the first water, and I hated her smugly smirking confidence with all my sorrowing heart.

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