Let's Put It Back Where it Belong
Part 3
by: AW
Rated: MA
Pairing: J/C, P/T
Summary: Re-write of everything after Equinox
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or episodes, but the story however twisted is mine.
Date: October 2002
Length: 992 words
Author's Note: This happens after Equinox, but assumes that the rest of the series didn't happen as it did.
A month passed without incident. Chakotay kept his distance from Kathryn with regards to everything that was not work-related. Kathryn waited for B'Elanna to announce the news that she was expecting to the rest of the crew.
That day never came.
Kathryn blamed herself.
Chakotay blamed Kathryn.
It tore Tom and B'Elanna apart.
It all happened in the blink of an eye.
The away mission had been nothing short of routine. She had sent B'Elanna because she was the most qualified. As an afterthought, considering her condition, it should have been Seven of Nine on that away mission.
Who could have known?
Who could have predicted?
No one, that was the answer, but Kathryn blamed herself despite the unpredictability of the situation.
Kathryn had witnessed it first-hand. A diplomatic mission, not so different from any other. An ore unlike anything they had witnessed in the Alpha Quadrant, or since becoming inhabitants of the Delta Quadrant.
The possibility of getting home just a little quicker.
And so they had gone to the surface, diplomatic thoughts on Kathryn's mind. Engineering conundrums on B'Elanna's.
The Tamsgeking had seemed to be a polite people. Had seemed to be all right, and Kathryn was sure they would have been had it not been for the political uprising.
It was just a matter of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Kathryn had to keep telling herself that. There was no getting around it.
What had happened? She asked herself that question again and again. Although within the confines of the almighty 'Prime Directive' they were well within their rights to trade ore for ore, but there was a group of militant protesters who insisted off-world contact was wrong.
And B'Elanna had caught the brunt of the explosion.
Meant as a warning not to do it again to the political leaders, it had cost B'Elanna the life of her child.
And it had a cost Kathryn her soul.
As she watched the life bleed out of B'Elanna, knowing there was nothing she could do, Kathryn felt her soul seep from her body.
Kathryn had sold her soul to the devil and all to get them home just a little quicker.
And though she told herself every morning of every day after that fateful decision that there was nothing she could have done differently.
No way she could have known.
Nothing she could have done.
She blamed herself.
For as Captain she was responsible for every life on her ship even the unborn.
She took some comfort in knowing they had procured the ore, and that they would be home within the year, but not enough had been done.
Upon returning to the ship the doctor managed to save B'Elanna's life, but that of the child had been unsalvageable.
In fact, in order to save B'Elanna's life, the doctor had been forced to perform a hysterectomy.
There would be no children in B'Elanna's future.
And that had torn the couple apart.
Then three days after the accident, the blow-up she had been expecting for months happened.
It was eleven pm, she was getting ready for bed, it had been a Tuesday and the ring of her door chime had awakened her senses.
She opened the door to a ratty, looking Chakotay. He had had two days off, claiming his right to personal leave. She had granted it without a second thought.
His usually well-shaven face had two days growth, and his clothes were wrinkled and unkempt.
Four words came out of his mouth at that point. "You had no right."
Kathryn had looked somewhat bewildered for although she knew to what he was referring, she refused to believe what she knew was true.
"I had no choice."
"That's bullshit Kathryn, you always have a choice and sending a pregnant woman on that away mission into possibly hostile land was a bad call."
Janeway glared at him. "And it was my call to make."
Chakotay threw up his hands in mock self-defeat. "Well then I guess it was your bad call to make. Your mistake, and I guess it doesn't matter at the end of the day who suffers because of it."
Janeway was angry. "How can you say that? I care about the well-being of every-"
"Do you realize, with that one decision, be it right or wrong that you killed that child, the relationship, and probably sent both of them back about three years to the people they were; angry misfits with nothing to live for."
Janeway realized that in so many ways he was right. But at the same time she could not be held responsible for all the mistakes everyone on this ship makes. But at the same time, she was the Captain and completely responsible for everything that went on.
"I don't know what to say Chakotay. No matter what decision I make it's my fault and I am in some way responsible. Had I not sent them down, I would have given up on the possibility of getting home within the year. How can I justify that to myself or to the crew?"
Chakotay paused momentarily understanding her point.
"Who would you blame if it had been your child who had died?"
Janeway opened her mouth unable to form the words she needed to. Unsure of how to even answer the question.
"That's what I thought Captain. I hope it helps you sleep at night."
And with that he was gone.
And the Captain was alone, as forever.
END PART 3
TBC in Part 4