Alright!

Not too much to say, I figured I could give you guys this chapter a day early! Sorry about the two week break. On the bright side, I'm almost finished with Cinderella, my other fic, so once that's done, this will go back to weekly updates (unless school kicks my ass, which it may).

Chapter 9

It took Bianca a moment to remember where she was when her mind began thinking again.

She was beside Emboar's hospital bed. She was down on her knees, with tears running down her face, snot dripping from her nose, and her throat aching in pain.

Emboar was dead. He'd died just moments ago.

It was her fault. She knew it.

She tried to stand, but it was like gravity was a hundred times stronger than normal. She tried to look around her, to find someone to help her, but her head wouldn't move, and her voice wouldn't come out.

It was all she could do to stay rooted to the spot. To stay rooted there, and listen.

"This was on you, Bianca." Professor Juniper's voice echoed out all around her, like it was coming from every angle imaginable all at once. "If you hadn't tried to take Emboar up that hill one final time, he might have at least had a few more weeks left. And yet, because of you, he's dead. He's dead, and it's your fault."

It was like she'd had a dagger run into her ribs, right into her heart. She let loose a hoarse, pathetic whimper, but she couldn't say anything. She barely even wanted to, either. Professor Juniper was right, wasn't she?

"I put my faith in you, Bianca." Her father's voice came next. "I trusted you when you said that this time, this time, you could do it. That you'd become a Pokémon master. And yet look at you; sprawled out on the floor like a weakling, unable to do anything but cry. What's changed, Bianca? What's changed since you were fourteen, always relying on Cheren and Hilda to bail you out of everything? Oh, I know. Hilda's gone. She's gone, and she's never coming back. And now… now the same could be said of Emboar."

She barely managed to shake her head, and it took all the willpower she possessed. Something was wrong, and she knew it. She… she wasn't sure how, but she remembered this very moment. She remembered the way that everyone had crowded around her, and tried to help her. How it had been her to rage and to scream at each and every one of them.

They'd said nothing like this to her, had they?

And yet, now, there was a new voice, another voice, and they spoke up loud and true.

"I always knew, of course, that you weren't cut out for this," Cheren spoke as he stepped into the room, sneering over at her, "But this? This is lower than I thought you could stoop Bianca. Killing one of your own Pokémon?"

He laughed cruelly, like he was enjoying all of this.

"Hilda would be ashamed."

She shook her head more vehemently this time; raging against that. Hilda hadn't been there when her Pokémon had died; when she'd killed them. But she knew… Hilda would never, Hilda would never.

She'd never be–

"He's right."

And the words silence her mind. She turned towards the sound of the woman's voice, and saw an older, but no less confident Hilda standing before her. She had her arms crossed over her breasts, and an empty expression on her face.

"I honestly can't believe it, Bianca. After all I did for you… after all I tried to help you… you let this happen?"

She turned her back on Bianca, even as Bianca herself tried to scream out to her, to call out to her so much that her head was hurting – pulsing.

"How pathetic." Hilda muttered.

And Bianca felt herself break.

/

Bianca snapped awake with a wracking, horrid sob.

It had been a dream. Just a nightmare. It… it hadn't been–

She felt like she was going to vomit. She pushed herself out of bed, and ran to the bathroom. She opened the lid on the toilet, and wretched into the bowl. She hadn't eaten that much the previous day, but whatever she had went straight in.

It was a good two minutes before she felt in control of her faculties enough to pull her head away, and flush the toilet. Another minute or so before she had the strength to continue sobbing, tears running down her face like rivulets down a cliff face.

She just… sat there, on the wooden floor of Burgh's cottage, inside the bathroom, a foot away from the toilet she'd just puked her guts out into.

She didn't think she'd felt this horrible in nearly a decade.

She reached up towards her eyes, and tried to wipe the tears away, but they just kept coming. They kept coming, and they wouldn't stop. Her breathing was speeding up, and she knew what it was before it had even fully set upon her.

She was about to have a panic attack.

The thought that it was going to happen only sped up the inevitable, and before she knew it, her head was pounding, her heart was racing, and she was clutching at the sides of her skull to try and make some sense out of all of it.

She couldn't manage it.

She wasn't sure how long it took her to come down from that moment of panic, but when she did, she was lying on her side, staring at the closed door out of the bathroom, and silently crying.

…This was her.

The person she'd been becoming over the past month or so? The person that Cynthia somehow saw through all of it? That was all just a lie. Something Bianca had managed to put up a front and show, despite herself.

No… this right now… this was the real her. Pathetic, and small, and ineffectual. Nothing more than a woman with an unrealistic dream, stuck in the past, unable to let go and see reality.

That was all she'd ever been.

It was likely all she'd ever–

Suddenly, the door to the bathroom jostled slightly. Bianca felt fear fill her heart, wanting more than anything for no one, least of all someone like Barry or Burgh, to see her like this. If it was Cynthia, maybe, but–

And then, a moment later, the doorknob turned, and she expected to face mortification the likes of which she hadn't in quite some time.

Except it wasn't a person who stepped inside the bathroom with her.

It was a Pokémon.

Specifically…

It was her Swadloon.

The Swadloon she'd caught just a few days ago, who barely knew her, who knew nothing of what she was suffering from, had come to check in on her. Perhaps she should've felt grateful, but in that moment, all she did was clench her jaw, and turn away from the Pokémon.

"Go away…"

Her Swadloon refused. In fact, as Bianca turned back around to see if it was leaving, she found that all it did was waddle towards her, with a determined look on its face.

She bit down on her bottom lip as she shook her head.

"I don't… I don't want company." She told the Pokémon. "Just go a–"

Swadloon gave a quiet cry, as if it were shouting out that it wouldn't do such a thing at Bianca. She felt her resolve waver within her chest, even as tears began to build in her eyes once again.

And she took all those negative emotions, and she aimed them at the only thing she could.

"Damnit, Swadloon, can't you understand that I don't–"

And then Swadloon hugged her.

Of course, Swadloon didn't have the build to be able to wrap its arms around her form. It couldn't exactly use the tiny little arms it possessed to do much of anything, really. And yet, the way that it spread its cloak, and, to the best of its ability, wrapped it around her head… it was unmistakably a hug.

And Bianca felt her eyes filling with tears yet again, albeit for a different reason.

"You…" She murmured, barely able to contain the horrible rush of emotions within herself. "I…"

Swadloon gave a quiet chirping noise, then, and Bianca might've been crazy, but she could've sworn it was almost a reassuring sort of tone the Pokémon used.

And that was what did her in. That was what broke her.

Where she'd been holding together for a brief moment, the dam gave way. The floodgates burst open, and Bianca began to sob openly once again.

She wrapped her own arms around Swadloon, pulled the Pokémon close to her, and wept into it.

"I'm sorry…" She clenched out through her sobs. "I'm so sorry, I… Emboar… everyone… I'm so sorry…"

Swadloon continued to make little affirming chirping noises, even as the seconds stretched into minutes, and Bianca's crying didn't abate. It took what felt like at least ten or fifteen minutes for Bianca to finally calm herself enough to sit up and wipe away at her eyes, and look down at her Swadloon.

The Pokémon peered up at her a bit quizzically, letting loose an inquisitive cry.

"…Yeah." She smiled as best she could. "I'm feeling better now. Thank you."

Her Swadloon gave a celebratory cry at that, and launched itself up at her. She caught it with a quiet giggle, still feeling a bit awkward around the Pokémon that had come to her rescue, and yet the one whom she'd tried to push away.

…Hey, hold on a second…

"How did you even get in here?" She asked as she lifted Swadloon so that the Pokémon could meet her eyes.

Her Swadloon gave a quiet little trill, before extending vines out from within its cloak, and miming a turning motion with them.

"Huh. You're very resourceful."

Swadloon puffed up slightly, like it was proud of itself, and again, Bianca found herself laughing. She remembered back to when she watched Barry and his Heracross high-five after their bout against Bianca and her Bagon.

She remembered the way she'd recalled her own Pokémon without so much as a word.

…She'd been failing her Pokémon, hadn't she? Completely and utterly.

She…

Bianca looked down at Swadloon, and she pulled it against her, hugging it again.

"Thank you, Swadloon. For helping me when I needed it, even if I thought I didn't."

Her Pokémon gave a grunt of assent.

"I uhm… I don't think I'm going to be getting back to sleep anytime soon," she said, and despite the fact that she was totally and completely spent, she was unfortunately quite awake. "I think… maybe I should get the others, and… we can go and sit outside a while."

Her Swadloon chirped happily, which seemed answer enough.

So, Bianca moved her way out of the bathroom – after flushing the toilet, which had been quite gross – and dressed herself in something warmer, given that even early in the spring season, the nights still got quite cold.

She attached her Pokéball's to her waist, and made her way downstairs. She'd expected to see Cynthia, or perhaps even Burgh, but neither of them were in the living room of the cottage. In fact, no one seemed to be within the wooden structure at all, given that Bianca could see light filtering in from outside.

She tilted her head somewhat at hearing Barry's very loud voice, and wondered just what time it was. She checked her phone, and found it was nearly two o'clock in the morning.

She would've questioned Barry being loud and ostentatious at two in the morning, in the dead of night, in the middle of a dark and admittedly quite spooky forest, but she instead just sighed, and padded her way into the kitchen to quickly make herself something to drink to get the rather acrid aftertaste of vomit out of her mouth.

By the time she'd gotten something inside her stomach, it was around 2:10. She stepped outside with her Pokémon on her waist, and made her way towards the sounds of Barry's voice, and the light of what seemed to be a campfire hanging off in the distance.

"Nice job, buddy!" She heard Barry laugh. "That looks just like me, haha!"

Bianca emerged into the clearing Barry had claimed for himself with a raised eyebrow, wondering just what it was the man was doing. What she found was Barry laughing alongside a rather excited-looking Smeargle, who was happily sketching away at a canvas. Upon it was, to be fair, a rather stunning rendition of Barry, smiling and giving a peace sign towards the viewer.

"Oh, Bianca!" The man in question, however, noticed her then, and waved her over as she semi-awkwardly stepped into the center of the clearing alongside Barry, and his team of Pokémon.

She took a moment to observe Barry's full team now that she'd had a moment. He had a Heracross, and a Snorlax, which she'd known from facing off against them for the last little while. But there was also a Smeargle, the Whirlipede he'd caught on his way to Burgh's cabin, a Staraptor, and a Torterra.

Each member of the team gave her some sort of greeting, which mostly ranged from head-nods to quiet grunts of acknowledgement. Bianca gave the same back, and then…

"Would you uhm… mind if I sent my Pokémon out as well?"

"Hah, of course not!" Barry smiled. "I've been waiting to meet the rest of your team, so far you've only shown Bagon and Swadloon, and I know you've got at least one more."

"It's uh… just the one more, I'm afraid." Bianca muttered awkwardly as she reached back towards the Pokéball's set on her waist and drew them in no particular order.

"That's fine. We all have to start somewhere, isn't that right, Torty!" Barry turned towards his Torterra, who gave a low rumbling noise, and nuzzled up against the man. "Haha, I love you too, big guy."

Bianca's heart lurched seeing such a thing, but she held it together as she threw out Bagon, Milotic, and Swadloon. The first two stretched a bit, before immediately hitting it off with Barry's Pokémon. Bagon ran right up to Staraptor and made wild hand gestures, seemingly trying to ask it how to grow wings, which had Bianca smiling. And Milotic slithered over to Smeargle and watched as it continued to paint on its canvas.

Her Swadloon, however, waddled right over to her, and, without a moment's hesitation, jumped up into her arms.

"Ah…" She caught the Pokémon midair, a bit panicked even so. "I'm uhm… glad you're excited?"

Swadloon gave a noise that sounded a bit like "Merp" then.

Bianca thought it was rather adorable.

It was… easier to admit that, now. She had been… it felt odd to say that she'd been intentionally avoiding growing too attached to her own Pokémon, but in truth, that was what had happened. So very long ago, when she'd gone on her first journey, she'd genuinely loved each and every Pokémon she'd caught along the way. They'd been her family as much as her mother and father; friends as much as Hilda or Cheren.

And because of Bianca, it had all fallen apart.

It was for that very reason that she'd sought not to grow so attached this time. Perhaps, in the deepest most unreachable sections of her mind, she'd not wanted to grow close to this batch of Pokémon so that if something like what had occurred last time occurred again… then maybe it would not hurt so much.

But she'd been fooling herself, really. Believing that she could go on a journey with her Pokémon and not develop any sort of bond was asinine. One's Pokémon were not their tools – or at least, Bianca would never think about them that way, and actively thought less of anyone who did think of their Pokémon as simple tools – they were intelligent creatures capable of thoughts and feelings all their own.

And Bianca… as much as she liked to pretend otherwise, she could not be immune to such things.

All it took was Swadloon looking up at her, and happily chirping at her, for her to practically melt where she stood. She sat down on the forest floor, right in front of the fire that Barry had seemingly created by himself, and began to stroke Swadloon's head.

Her Pokémon leaned into the touch, giving a contented humming noise as she smiled herself.

This… she'd missed this. The ease and calm she had once felt around her Pokémon, when she'd journeyed across Unova… She'd almost forgotten it.

This was quite the stark reminder.

"It's good to see you out here, Bianca." Barry said, before rubbing at the back of his neck. "And uh, about earlier, I didn't mean to upset you, or–"

"No, no," Bianca shook her head. "You were right. And honestly, I knew that. The only reason I couldn't accept that was because I didn't want to accept that. I just… I was afraid. I don't know if Cynthia told you anything about me…?"

Barry shook his head. "Nah, she didn't. Actually, I think Cynthia headed back into Castelia for the night. She said she didn't want to bother you when she thought you needed time alone."

Bianca's eyes widened.

"I… well, I guess I'm thankful, even if I think she judged that one wrong."

"Hah, I said the same thing!" Barry put his hands on his hips and jumped to his feet. "Nothing's ever better alone! But Cynthia's… well, she's that lone-wolf type, you get me?"

Bianca did get Barry.

"So, I think she thinks that figuring everything out by yourself; discovering the way forward through only your own hard work and effort, that that's the only real way forward. I disagree, but hey, it's worked pretty well for her. And because it's worked out for her, she just assumes that's the way it's got to be for everyone."

Bianca nodded her head, surprised to see a rare chink in the armor of someone who normally seemed as perfect as Cynthia did.

"So, what finally got you to feel better?"

Bianca smiled. "Swadloon here. They came up to me when I was at my lowest. And they comforted me. Thanks to them, I… I'm out here."

Barry chuckled. "That's great to hear! You can join us, then!"

"Uhm… what am I joining you in, exactly?"

"Nothing!" Barry said with a great and boisterous laugh. "Just hanging out as friends! But in my opinion, there's nothing better, not in the whole wide world!"

Bianca smiled despite herself then, and chuckled lightly as her Milotic flitted about, slithering around the trunk of a tree and climbing it like some great snake-like Pokémon. To be fair, Milotic was a sea-serpent, so that tracked.

"Can I ask you something, Barry?"

"Huh?" The boy suddenly rounded back on her, evidently having been quite distracted by something or another. "Sure, what's up?"

"What's Dawn like? Your champion friend."

Barry's lips split into a satisfied smile, and Bianca got the sense that Barry carried a great deal of pride in his friend. The enthusiasm on the man's face was infectious, and Bianca found herself smiling as well.

"Well, to be honest, Dawn and I first started out as Pokémon trainers on the same day, if you can believe it!"

Barry spent the next thirty or so minutes recounting his original journey alongside Dawn, and how they'd had a hand in foiling the plans of Team Galactic. Hearing the name had Bianca remembering Mars, the researcher she'd met in Celestic, and so she decided to ask about her.

"Do you know Mars?"

"Like commander Mars?" Barry asked, and Bianca nodded her head. "I mean, I knew her, but not that well. From what I heard she went to prison after everything that happened, unlike a lot of the other Galactic members. I know Jupiter and Saturn got off mostly scot-free by giving intel to Looker – oh uh, he's like an international detective or something? I don't know, the guy always struck me as kind of a weirdo, so I steered pretty clear of him."

Bianca nodded her head, having to hide a little chuckle in her sleeve. Barry's adventures seemed entirely ridiculous, and hearing about them now, had she not known a lot of what he said was corroborated by news stories and articles, she'd have thought the lot of it all a fantasy.

"You'd have to ask Dawn herself if you wanted to learn anything more, since she faced off against Mars quite a bit. I don't know, though. Most of the Galactic guys were pretty harmless from what I remember. Then again, I never faced off against Cyrus or Charon like she did."

Bianca nodded her head. That tracked with what Cynthia had said about Mars as well. She knew the latter two figures from news stories and papers, but chose to largely ignore the comment.

"I actually met Mars in Celestic town. She seemed to be working alongside Cynthia on some sort of research into Dialga."

"Oh, I see." Barry said as he nodded his head sagely. "Yeah, that makes sense. I don't know all that much about Mars, but if she had always had an interest in Dialga, it would explain why she had joined Team Galactic in the first place. I mean, their entire goal was to summon them."

"Wasn't it to reshape the world?"

Barry's face took on a look of intense concentration for a moment, before he shrugged. "Yeah, I'm probably not the best person to ask about this stuff."

Bianca couldn't quite help laughing at that. Barry could be a tad absurd at times, even if she was definitely warming up to him rather swiftly.

"Anyways, we were talking about Dawn, weren't we?"

"Oh, that's right, I got sidetracked!"

"Nah, it's cool, same here. Anyways, once Dawn became the champion, she traded it back and forth a few times with the other perennial champion of Sinnoh."

"Who's that?"

"Ehm… no one important, really." Barry said with an awkward laugh. "The two are pretty big rivals, but I don't really know the other person that well. You'd have to–"

"Ask Dawn herself if I wanted to know anything more?" They both said in tandem, and Bianca found herself giggling as Barry stuck his tongue out at her.

"Mean." Barry pretended to be hurt.

Bianca chuckled again.

"Anyways, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, Dawn is an incredible trainer! She's been at the very top of the Pokémon world ever since she was just ten years old!"

Hearing that immediately had Bianca thinking back on Hilda, of course. Her own friend who, just as Dawn had, had conquered the world and reigned atop it for what felt like it would be eternity. And yet, whereas Dawn had gone on to truly make that dream a reality…

Hilda had disappeared.

"I took a lot of the methods I use today; her training style, her battling techniques, and how she goes about interacting with her fellow trainers, from her. She's my inspiration, even if it feels a bit corny to say it, haha."

Bianca smiled. "I don't think it's corny at all. I think it shows a real sense of respect you have for your friend, and from what you've been telling me, it certainly sounds earned."

"I'm glad to hear it!" Barry laughed. "I guess I worry that sometimes, I'm just a bit over the top about a lot of things."

"Well, erm… you definitely are that."

"Yeah, I figured that part out."

"But I don't think there's anything wrong with that at all. I think everyone has things about them that make them unique. A quiet Barry… just wouldn't really be you, do you understand?"

"I think I do," Barry said, running his finger just above his upper lip as he gave a wide grin. "And wow, thanks for the compliment!"

Bianca wasn't entirely certain what she'd said was meant as a compliment, at least not entirely, but then, she wasn't about to go correcting Barry, either.

"So, since all this talk about Dawn and her style have gotten me fired up, what would you think about a few extra sparring matches?" Barry asked, as his Pokémon all turned back towards him, as if sensing from his energy alone that they were about to be called upon. "Maybe we could even have a team battle?"

Bianca found her eyes widening, even as a subtle smile split her lips, and she stood from her own spot upon the forest floor with a blooming excitement inside her heart.

It felt… it felt good. Good to be offered the chance to improve herself, and to not shy away from it as she might've a month prior. No… now, she'd become stronger, better, more in tune with who she used to be.

And so, she looked towards her Pokémon; they who she vowed to be better to, they who she vowed to be worth training, and she asked them a silent question.

Each responded the same way; with enthusiastic assent.

Then that settled it.

Bianca turned back towards Barry, and she smiled quite widely at him.

"Alright, Barry…"

"You're on!"

/

On the second-floor balcony of his cottage in the Pinwheel Forest, Burgh sat watching as Bianca and Barry began to spar alongside their Pokémon. He watched the expressions on their faces; on the faces of their Pokémon, as they went back and forth. Even as Bianca lost the initial bout, neither seemed deterred from standing back up, and continued once their Pokémon were fighting fit once more.

Burgh watched it all with…

With a smile.

It had been a long time since he'd felt the feeling in his gut then. A long time since he'd felt his heart stir; since he'd felt his mind think. The canvas he'd been staring at blankly for the past month suddenly took some shape before him.

He poured a bit of yellow paint onto his easel, and then some red. He mixed the two until he had a satisfying shade of orange, one which matched the glowing flames of Bianca's and Barry's fire down below.

And for the first time in a long time, Burgh began to paint.

End Chapter 9

That's the chapter!

Next chapter, the end of the Burgh Arc, and the start of the next! Not a lot to say to be honest. See you all in two weeks!