When he heard the post come through the door, Severus scrambled to the door as he had every day since the start of summer. He sifted through the small stack of pizza fliers and overdue bills, ready to be disappointed yet again, but this time the letter on the tatty carpet was the letter. Severus snatched it up greedily, running his hands over the rough parchment. He flipped it over and read the neat green handwriting on the front. Severus Snape, The Tiny Room Overlooking The Road, 182 Spinner's End, Cokeworth. A knot that had been in his stomach for weeks slowly unravelled itself. This was real. He was going to Hogwarts.
Even though the house was empty, he scuttled back to the safety of his bedroom to open it. Eventually he would have to show his parents, but for now they were out and this moment was his.
He took his time opening the letter, wanting to savour the moment. He pulled the purple seal up slowly, careful not to break it, and slowly made his way through each piece of parchment within. There wasn't much: a signed letter signed by Albus Dumbledore, the deputy headmaster, and a long list of books and equipment. That made Severus nervous. What if his parents couldn't afford to send him? Would the things in the attic be enough?
A knock on the door made him jump. Severus considered not answering it- it seemed unlikely to be anything good- but eventually got up and reluctantly made his way downstairs. His heart almost stopped to see Lily, grinning from ear to ear.
"It came!" she said, triumphantly waving a letter towards him. "And you were right, they sent someone- Albus Dumbledore! He was amazing- he did a trick where-"
"You shouldn't be here!" Severus hissed. He stepped outside and hastily pulled the door shut behind him, hoping that she hadn't noticed the peeling wallpaper and thick smell of cigarette smoke.
"Why not?" Lily asked.
"What if my parents had opened the door?"
"Would they mind?" She looked hurt, and Severus's face turned hot. "Don't you tell them about me?"
"Of course,," Severus lied hastily, hoping to wipe the hurt off her face. "But you shouldn't be around here, you're too- It's not nice here."
She laughed. "What do you think's going to happen? You live here, it's not like the air is poisonous."
Severus shook his head. "It's different."
For a moment it looked like she would argue, but she didn't. "Fine. Park?"
Severus nodded. "I'll- I'll get my letter." He sprinted upstairs to get it, then left for the park with her. He was anxious until they left Spinner's End, reaching the part of town where the houses had lawns and shiny cars.
"Why are you so worried?" Lily asked.
Severus shrugged. There was the worry that someone from his muggle school would see him and Lily and tried to start something, but more than that it just felt wrong to see her there. Lily was perfect, and he didn't want her tainted by Spinner's End. But he couldn't explain that to her.
Instead he changed the subject. "So you met Albus Dumbledore? I've read loads about him. He's quite famous, you know. Defeated the Dark Wizard Grindlewald."
Lily's eyes lit up. "Oh really? He didn't mention that!"
"He's meant to be quite modest," Severus said. "Eccentric too."
"Oh, he was certainly eccentric," Lily said. "Tuney was terrified the neighbours would notice him. He showed up in a maroon velvet suit, with a top hat. Tell me about Grindlewald!"
So Severus did, and then they looked at the list of Hogwarts supplies together. Lily's eyes were bright, her smile genuine. It was a good afternoon. Then she went home for dinner, and Severus trudged back to his own house.
His mother was back when he got there, with the TV blaring and a glass of… something in her hand. He paused in the hallway quietly, watching and gauging her mood, and eventually concluded that this was as good of a moment as he would probably get. Severus took a deep breath, then crept through the living room door. Eileen didn't react, too engrossed in whatever muggle drama was unfolding on the TV. "Mum?" he asked softly.
Still no response. Severus took a step forward, feeling his heart beating rapidly in his chest.
"Mum?" Slightly louder this time.
She glanced at him, annoyed. "What?"
"My Hogwarts letter came."
She sighed, but turned the volume down on the TV slightly. "Let me see." She held out her hand for the letter. "You'd better not be making it up." She scowled, and Severus handed over the Hogwarts letter hesitantly. A part of him didn't trust her with it, the most important thing he had ever received.
Her eyes scanned the first page, still scowling, then flipped to the next sheet containing the list of what was needed. "They ask for a lot, don't they?" Her eyes scanned down. "You'll have to use my old stuff. Most of the books are the same still, you can borrow the rest in the library. But you'll still need a wand, God knows how we're going to afford that. I assume your father's out wasting his money on beer again." She said the last part as if it was somehow Severus's fault. "I'll speak to him when he gets home." She scowled again at the thought. "He won't be pleased with that."
Severus sat down on the opposite side of the sofa, anxious. He avoided his father as much as possible most of the time, so waiting for him here made him feel horribly exposed- especially if he would be angry about the Hogwarts letter and the money needed.
Eileen turned the volume back up on her soap, where two women were screaming at one another for some reason he didn't understand. Lily's parents never seemed to watch TV. He remembered the way Lily's mum always looked at Lily, the pride in her eyes. For some reason he didn't understand, he found himself shuffling closer, as if he wanted to be noticed.
"Mum? Will you tell me about Hogwarts?"
She scowled, not turning away from the TV. "You've got books, haven't you?
"Yeah." Severus settled into silence, sitting hunched and anxious on the edge of the sofa. He watched the soap with his mother and wondered why it held so much more fascination for her than for Lily's mother. Maybe his mum would care for him more if he was more like Lily.
Severus flinched when he heard the sound of the door open, and immediately hated himself for his cowardice. Wizards shouldn't be afraid of muggles. When he had a wand he wouldn't have to put up with it any longer.
Finally Eileen turned down the volume on the TV, although she didn't turn it off and the characters continued a dramatic discussion in silence. Despite not really enjoying it, Severus found that his eyes were riveted to the screen, as if by not looking up he could avoid attracting attention.
"Tobias," Eileen said crisply. She strode across the room and pulled herself to her full height, tall and imposing. It was the first time Severus could really have imagined her as a witch.
"What?" Tobias appeared at the entrance to the room, even taller. He was so large that he filled the doorway almost entirely, in height and breadth. "If you want money, I ain't got any for you."
She snorted. "Two days after pay day and you've spent it all already? I stopped being surprised by that years ago." She sneered. The silence hung awkwardly for a moment. Severus found himself inching along the sofa, towards the corner of the room. "Severus is going away to school."
Tobias gave a short laugh at that. "As if. And I'm the new director of the mill and buying a ferrari. What's he in trouble for this time?"
"I'm not joking. He's going to Hogwarts."
Tobias's face darkened, and he took a few steps forward into the room. "Oh no he's not. No son of mine is going to be some wand waving pussy." He almost spat the last word, glaring at Severus, who tried to hold himself as still as possible. He would not flinch again.
Eileen laughed this time, short and humourless. "Right. So what's your plan for him?"
"He can go to the local comp, same as I did. It was good enough for me. He doesn't need any of your trickery."
"And then what? Look at him. You think he's going to do mill work like you? If it's even there when he comes of age?"
Tobias shot another glare at Severus. "If you didn't bloody coddle him so much-"
"Right, it's all my fault. You've been such an excellent role model, after all. Working a dead end job and drinking all the money away."
Tobias backhanded her heavily then, and Eileen staggered a few steps back before catching herself. Severus had reached the end of the sofa now, and huddled into a corner of the room, as far away from this as he could.
"Don't you bloody talk back to me like that," Tobias was roaring.
She pulled herself back upright and glared at him. "Hogwarts is free. We can barely afford to keep him." That gave Tobias pause. "If he goes away, he'll be out of your hair. You won't have him moping around, emptying the fridge and making a mess of things."
Her words were like a punch to Severus's chest. But it seemed to be working.
"It won't cost anything?"
"Nothing."
Tobias eyed her suspiciously. "What about uniforms and that? Whatever wizard rubbish he needs?"
"He can use my old stuff. We're almost the same size."
"Fine. As long as you don't need any money." Tobias gave Severus a look of dislike. "You're right anyway. Not much to make a man of. I'm off to bed."
And with that he was gone. Neither Severus nor Eileen spoke for a few long moments, listening to the heavy footsteps going up the stairs. A door slammed, a thump as Tobias landed on the bed. Silence.
"What about my wand?" Severus asked quietly. "He said he wouldn't pay for it. Can you? With your job?"
Eileen sat down again, reaching for the remote and dialling the volume up again. "I'll write to my parents."
"Your parents?" Severus breathed. His wizard grandparents. He'd never once heard her speak of them, had assumed they were dead. "Can I-"
"No."
"But they'll pay for my wand?" Severus asked worriedly.
"I don't know. Maybe. If not then you're going to struggle, aren't you?"
"I didn't know I had grandparents."
"And now you know. Now shut up, my show's on."
Severus knew from her tone that it was a bad idea to push further, but he was bursting with questions. "But why do they never come to visit?"
Her hand shot out fast, catching Severus hard across the face even as he flinched away. His face stung. "They want nothing to do with you. Understood? If you're lucky, they'll throw some money your way out of loyalty." She turned back to the TV. "Now go to bed, or I'll have your father deal with you."
"Right," Severus said, keeping his voice flat and quiet. There was blood in his mouth- he must have bitten his tongue when she slapped him- and his face still slipped from the room and up the stairs, where he stared around his dismal room. If he had grandparents who could afford things, why did they have to live in Spinner's End? Why was there never money for anything, even food and clothes?
And then he pulled his books out from the hiding spot under his mattress and opened up One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi. He flipped the book open and read until his heart stopped pounding and his eyes stopped stinging.
Lily was in a buoyant mood the next day when Severus met her in the park. Severus was miserable, but her bright smile always lifted his mood, and today was no exception.
"Sev! Did you tell your parents? Were they happy?"
Severus hesitated, wondering if he should lie. "Not really. They had a fight. But I can go." Assuming I can buy a wand.
Lily looked worried. "They had a fight?"
"Yeah. But it's fine." Severus shrugged. It wasn't really fine, but he didn't want to tell Lily any of the things his parents had said about him. She might not like him anymore, if she knew even his parents didn't care for him. "They always fight. I don't mind."
Lily still looked worried. "Even so. They weren't happy at all? It's really exciting! What about your mum? She's a witch, surely she must be pleased?"
Severus shrugged. "She's worried about money," he admitted, then flushed. Lily already knew they were poor, but he wished she didn't.
"Oh," Lily said. "Well, maybe my parents can help-"
"No," Severus insisted, more forcefully. "I said it's fine."
"Well, OK." Lily still looked worried. Severus hated that. "Mum said we're going to Diagon Alley next week. Someone from school can show us, but I said you'd know the way if you wanted to come."
"Yes please." Severus brightened. "I only need a wand but I'd rather go with you."
"Oh well, that's perfect then!" Lily gave one of her dazzling smiles. "My mum will be happy to have you."
"Thanks," Severus said awkwardly. He wished that he wasn't always the one needing something, always the one thanking her. For once, it would have been nice to be the one with something to offer.
The morning of the trip to Diagon Alley, Eileen pressed a letter into Severus's hand as he was eating breakfast. It was on thick parchment with a wax seal. "Don't lose it, understand?" she hissed. "If you lose it, it's the muggle school for you."
Severus stared at the seal closely. It showed a helmet with the visor down, over a crossed shield, pressed into a deep green wax. He imagined his grandfather, somewhere in the country, pressing a thick old seal into the hot wax- or did wizards use an actual seal? Likely there was a spell for that.
"What are you staring at?" Eileen asked nastily.
"Nothing," Severus said hastily. He stared down at his cornflakes and tried to keep quiet, but his curiosity was eating him from the inside out. He couldn't help it. "This is our family crest?"
"No. Not your family."
"But- they're my grandparents?" Severus knew he was pushing too far, but he couldn't help it.
"What have I told you about stupid questions? Eat, or you can go hungry."
"Sorry," Severus murmured. He cast his eyes down and hastily began spooning cornflakes into his mouth. They were the cheapest brand, like everything else in the house, and had practically come out of the box soggy.
"You'll hand it in at the bank, and the goblins will get you money from the vault. Do you think you can manage that?"
"Yes," Severus said.
Diagon Alley was incredible- unlike anywhere Severus had been before, an admittedly limited selection. Severus had read about it, of course, but that was nothing in comparison to the real thing. It bustled with witches and wizards in different coloured robes, carrying all sorts of things: books, cauldrons, wands (wands!), jars of ingredients, flustered owls and grumpy cats. Somewhere nearby, a toad was croaking. And the shops! Books and broomsticks and ingredients and ice creams in a thousand flavours.
Severus followed Lily and her mum in a kind of daze, as she led them towards the huge building that was Gringott's bank. They passed an apothecary with sacks of all sorts of weird things in the windows, and Severus was proud to have learnt the names of all the things from his books: frog's eyes, fluxgrass, knotweed…
The bank was incredibly grand, with a wide arched ceiling and gold on everything that could be golden. He felt like at any moment he'd be found out, and told that boys from Spinner's End couldn't be there. Mrs Evans needed to change money and he needed to find the goblins who managed the vaults, so they split up and Mrs Evans promised to meet him again by the exit.
When he found the right desk, Severus reluctantly handed over his scroll, still sealed. The goblin behind the desk scowled suspiciously at it, then ran his finger over the seal and held it up to the light as if checking something. Then he opened it, scanned the words and ran his finger over the signature before grunting in approval. "Seems genuine. So that's 8 galleons from the Prince family vault."
The Prince family. Those were his wizard ancestors. Severus committed the name to memory as the goblin made a note in his ledger and then pulled 8 huge gold coins out of a drawer and slid them towards him.
"There you go."
"Thanks." Severus scooped the coins up and then realised he wasn't sure where to put them. He'd never had money before. Awkwardly, he put them in his pocket as he turned away, but he didn't dare remove his hand from his pocket in case he lost the money.
They went to Madame Malkins next. Severus wasn't very interested in that, although he did feel quite out of place there. There were already two older boys being fitted, and the woman doing the fitting gave them a breezy 'Be with you in a minute, dears."
"Lily, go look at the shoe display, alright?" Mrs Evans said. Lily gave her an odd look, until her mother gave her some kind of eyebrow signal and she seemed to get the hint. Then Lily's mum glanced around again before kneeling down. "Now, Severus, I know your mother said you only needed a wand-"
"Yes," Severus said forcefully, as he realised where this was going.
"Well, Ted and I discussed this, and we're happy to buy you some new stuff. I'm sure what you have is fine, but, well-" She tailed off, eying Severus's current outfit.
Severus felt his face flushing. "No." He could imagine it now- Lily's parents discussing him, in their comfortable house. His clothes, his hair, his too-small frame. Do you think they can afford to feed him? Not in the way people usually discussed it, admittedly- but with pity, which wasn't really any better. And what if Petunia overheard them? Or worse, Lily? Did she pity him too? "I don't need your charity," he said, and it came out wrong- he'd intended it to be forceful, but it was almost a snarl.
It was too hot in the store, and he couldn't breathe, and he was worried he'd be sick on the robes. Or maybe Mrs Evans simply didn't want to be seen with him, worried about the impression it would give. "I'll wait outside."
"Severus, wait!" she called, but Severus was already halfway to the door. She started to follow him, but Madame Malkin called Lily and she turned away, distracted.
"What's wrong?" Lily asked.
Nothing," Severus managed to say as he pushed past her. "Just need some air. It's your turn."
Even as Severus emerged into the relief of the open air, a part of him wished someone had followed him. He wanted to be someone's first priority, even if just once. But instead, he stood outside and watched people bustle past- many of them families shopping for Hogwarts. And as the flush faded from his face and his nausea receded, he promised himself that as soon as he was able, he would make sure no-one pitied him ever again.
At least Lily's mother didn't offer to buy him any more school supplies. They went to the bookstore next, and the owl shop, and then Lily's mother insisted on buying them lunch before the wand shop. She bought them an ice cream too- Severus hesitated before accepting, after his earlier scene, but in the end his stomach won over his principles. He couldn't remember his parents ever buying ice cream. He chose chocolate and caramel, and it was the best thing he'd ever tasted.
Olivander's wand shop wasn't exactly what Severus had expected. It was tiny, with only a peeling sign saying Olivanders and a single wand on a cushion in the window announcing it was even a shop. He stood back a little and let Lily's mum push the door open. A distant bell tinkled somewhere within the shop.
The inside wasn't much more impressive than the outside: they were in a narrow and dusty room, surrounded by shelves and shelves packed with narrow boxes. Even more boxes packed the floor, surrounding a single chair. There was a moment of silence, and Severus briefly worried that the shop wasn't even open. Had it been abandoned? Where would they get wands if it was?
As he was wondering, a man appeared from the back of the shop. He was frail but it was impossible to tell how old he might be. "Good afternoon," he said, in a quiet voice that was amplified only by the silence of the shop.
"Good afternoon," Mrs Evans said, more loudly. "My daughter and her friend are looking for wands? They're starting Hogwarts soon."
"Yes, yes." The man didn't even look at her, though. He had fixed his eyes on Severus. "Eileen Prince's son, I assume?"
"Er- yes, I think so?" Severus said.
"Ah, I hoped I'd see you at some point. I remember selling your mother her wand- 10 inches, whippy, elm with a dragon heartstring core. A good wand, that one. Powerful. I don't suppose she still has it?" He fixed Severus with a piercing look.
"I- I don't know," Severus admitted.
He frowned. "A shame." The man turned away and began pulling boxes from the shelves. He gave one to Lily first. As she took it and gave a little wave, Severus found himself wondering about his mother's wand. He remembered the bundle of splinters in newspaper at the bottom of her trunk- had someone snapped it? It would have been his father most likely, Severus thought, with a surge of hatred.
And then Olivander was pressing a wand into his hand, "Nine inches, oak and dragon heartstring. Sturdy. Try it."
Severus took the wand and weighed it in his hand for a moment, expecting to feel something, but there was nothing. He gave it a little wave, but again nothing. Before he could say anything, Olivander whisked it away again, before darting back over to Lily and handing her another wand.
He waved the next wand that Olivander handed to him more enthusiastically, mimicking the wand pathway of a cheering charm he'd learnt from a book. Still nothing. Olivander handed a different wand to Lily- and nothing happened for her either. They cycled through a few more wands in this fashion, until Severus began to worry that perhaps he wasn't a wizard after all.
Olivander didn't seem particularly worried, however. "It can take a few tries. It's very important to get the right wand, you see."
Finally, Lily waved one of the wands and a shower of sparks burst forth. Lily gave a squeal of excitement. "Did you see that?" she asked, spinning to grin at Severus. He forced a smile back.
"Oh, bravo!" Mr Olivander said. "Very nice, very nice indeed." He wrapped Lily's wand back up and handed it to her before turning back to Snape. "Now, let's try something slightly different for you. Hazel, with a dragon heartstring. Supple. A powerful wand, in the right hands."
Severus took it from him without expecting much, but this wand felt different to the rest. A feeling of lightness spread up his arms, and this time when he waved it a gust of wind blew across the shop, knocking a stack of boxes over. Wands spilled to the ground with a clatter, but Olivander didn't seem concerned.
"Oh, perfect!" Olivander said. He took the wand carefully, almost reverently, and wrapped it just like he'd wrapped Lily's. "Now, that's very interesting- your mother's wand was dragon heartstring too, you know. Both of them came from a Hungarian Horntail."
Severus desperately wanted to ask more about his mother, but he sensed answers would be unforthcoming. Instead, he handed over his galleons silently. Exhausted, they took the train home mostly in silence. Severus fidgeted with his wand the whole way, enjoying the warm feeling it gave him. He couldn't wait to get to Hogwarts and learn to use it for real.