Chapter 6: When in doubt, seek out questions from another virgin

Tip: Believe it or not, your friends are willing to give advice. It might not be the best advice, but it's just as likely she's got friends who also say some wild suggestions, too.

"You're supposed to be the one that swore off men, so why are you acting this way?"

If Kai expected her reflection to answer, she didn't show her disappointment. She found herself in front of the mirror early the following morning, trying to understand what Joshua meant when he called her 'beautiful'. Every feature was looked over, and by the time she got to her chest she had to give up. He was probably looking at her breasts, even if he'd been looking her in the eye when he said the words.

But she wasn't the only one with an exceptional bust. She'd never heard him say any other woman was beautiful. 'Unless he's said it in private…argh! This isn't Dark Schneider!' Kai hated that her only frame of reference for dealing with men came from the dark wizard's habits. The nameless boy that had shamed her for her strength years ago didn't count for much, but it didn't help her think she was worth something to another man.

And Joshua basically said that she was worthy in the bath the night before. The idea of him wearing himself down, stressing over telling her about his feelings at all had made it hard to fall asleep. She was touched, but she felt guilty. Not being able to say that she reciprocated immediately made her feel awful, but he reminded her that she shouldn't rush to give him an answer. He was patient.

So was she, but there was something unexplainable niggling at her brain telling her to get up early and look nice. Granted, there wasn't much to do because she never had any need to carry rouge in her armor, but she was checking her hair more than she had in years. Then adjusting her clothes so they didn't look rumpled. Making sure her cheeks had color in them; she'd resorted to pinching the skin and grimacing at her reflection, only to go too far and worry until the redness faded.

"Get a grip," she muttered. If Joshua were to find out that she was primping in front of the mirror, he'd either laugh or tell her not to worry. Kai didn't know if she'd prefer either response. Both sounded insulting.

When her stomach began to growl, she decided not to wait around to see if he'd appear. Since he told her that she had all the time she needed, he probably wouldn't.

The idea of walking alone to breakfast left her feeling disappointed.

Jorg was finding it harder and harder to hide his book from Joshua. For that matter, it was getting harder to write in it. Each time he found a place where he could sit down and comfortably write, someone would appear and want to know what he was doing.

Samurai, Shogun, Divine King – it didn't matter. Everyone was nosy as shit.

He'd say he was writing a book. They'd want to know what kind. He'd tell them self-help and then have to elaborate by adding "with relationships" to it. And then it got tricky to answer questions without revealing everything. No one needed to know it was for their leader; Joshua was catching enough hell lately. So Jorg would say that it was a gift that was supposed to be with good intentions, but also funny.

And then, the best thing happened. The ones that were asking questions wanted to know if they could contribute to the gift. Give more perspectives, since it was a self-help book, after all.

Jorg hadn't thought the plan through before he'd begun writing, as Hammet would dub him a "pantser". He had only gotten a few chapters in when he'd felt his inspiration stalling, and he wasn't sure he could finish the project. Suddenly being inundated with questions turned into some of the wildest suggestions he had ever heard. No one wanted to be credited, thankfully. He was going to have a hard enough time forgetting some of these things and whether or not they were really attempted.

There was one, however, that wouldn't take anonymity as a benefit of contributing. Jorg had a separate stack of notes, courtesy of Dark Schneider.

"I thought of another one!" the wizard declared loudly, the moment he saw Jorg sitting on the bench outside.

The samurai was ready to jump off the balcony. It would be a painful demise, but Joshua would make him suffer more if Dark Schneider spoiled the surprise. Instead he grit his teeth and looked interested, which wasn't too much of a stretch. Dark Schneider had some colorful suggestions, and simply imaging the look on his friend's face as he read each one was too good to pass up. Jorg welcomed them, but he really wished the wizard would use a little discretion. Just once.

"Oh really? What does the great Dark Wizard have today?"

Dark Schneider's grin instantly doubled. "You know she's the one if she makes your brain go stupid. If you can't remember your own name right after talking with her, you're on the right track."

That…was not what Jorg expected. "How is this a suggestion?"

"Cause if the guy's attracted to her, he's not going to be thinking about anything but how many ruts it will take to have his children."

Jorg nearly choked on his spit so he wouldn't laugh out loud. Joshua had never said anything about kids in the future but the very idea amused him greatly. 'Bunch of little badass warriors running around.' They'd be protected, that was certain.

"Hang on there, samurai. I've got more."

"I've got plenty of paper."

Dark Schneider dropped down onto the bench, resting his elbows on his knees. "One, don't come on too strong; she's gonna know you're desperate and will run the other way."

"Should I ask you how you know?"

"Shaddup! As I was saying, confidence is key. He needs to have the balls to approach her, and she needs to know her worth." The wizard was now ticking off suggestions on his fingers, and it was all Jorg could do to keep up. "Women like to be teased, but if you dangle the carrot for too long, they're gonna get bored. Make sure it's a big carrot to keep their mouth watering."

He had to flip the paper over. "Yeah I doubt there's anything to worry about there. Not after what I saw in the bathing room last night – oh shit –" Dark Schneider had no idea that this book was being written with Joshua in mind.

At least, Jorg thought he didn't. "Is that where the Samurai Master was? I walked by there and saw the sign, but I knew Yoko wasn't in there." Dark Schneider's grin returned. "That sly dog! There's some hope for him yet!"

"It was an accident –"

"Accident schmaccident. Whether he planned it or not, he got Kai alone and naked!"

"Not so loud!" Jorg hissed. "The whole world is awake right now and no one needs to know about that! And how did you even know it was Kai?!"

Dark Schneider huffed and crossed his arms. "It didn't take a genius like myself to figure it out. I've only known for certain for a week. All it took was pushing the right buttons to make him mad. Oh – that reminds me, I've got more to add. I already told him this but it can go in your book too. There's a few good ways that can get the woman primed for the good times…"

'Nevermind death. This is my hell.' Hearing Dark Schneider basically lecture him about the methods of getting and keeping a woman aroused was worse than anything Joshua was going to do when he learned of the book.

She thought that sparring with Joshua after their conversation would be awkward, but Kai found it invigorating. There had always been a challenge to one-up the other in previous matches, but now that Joshua had opened up, it's like he had something else to prove. He'd taken their final match, pinning her to the floor with a smirk.

"Do you think that I think you're weak now?" she teased, unafraid of the blade pointed at her chest.

Joshua let out a laugh, pulling away his sword. "Hardly. I'm trying to impress you." He helped her to her feet, holding onto her hand for a moment longer. "Is it working?"

"I would say yes," she laughed, ignoring the weird flutter in her stomach. It wasn't often that Joshua reached for her hand, but he never held it longer than necessary. "Skills worthy of a Samurai Master."

"You put up a good defense, Sorcerer General. I nearly broke a sweat trying to get you under m–"

Kai had been in the process of cleaning up the space when Joshua stopped talking. She turned, expecting to see someone else in the dojo that had broken his train of thought, but it was just the two of them. He was staring at her with a vacant expression, and she wasn't sure why. "Joshua? Are you alright?"

"Uh…s-sorry." He mumbled.

'Now he's blushing? Why would he… oh… OH!' Kai's own face got hot once she replayed his previous words in her head. It had sounded so innocent at first, but it was clear his head wasn't thinking about anything innocently. She reached up and patted her cheeks, feeling the warmth radiate from her skin. To make everything more strange, she started to giggle.

The moment passed and both returned to normal, though one would glance at the other on occasion when the wouldn't be caught. Before they left the dojo, Joshua offered his arm to Kai, and couldn't contain the smile when she accepted.

He…may have walked slower than usual on the way to her room. It was late enough that there weren't many still awake, and less chance of them being interrupted. Kai didn't appear to object, and if she leaned against him a couple times, she wasn't going to bring attention to it. She could always say she was exhausted from their session.

'Actually, it might be better not to,' she thought, biting down on her lip so she wouldn't laugh again.

A small part of her was disappointed that it was so late, more so that she was now standing in front of her room. It had been an enjoyable evening. But now, she had no idea what to do.

It didn't sound like Joshua knew what to do either. Or if he did, he didn't want to acknowledge it. "I-if you want, we can make these evening matches more regular?"

Kai squeezed his arm. "I'd like that, if you're up for it." She realized her subtle flub when he coughed nervously into his free hand. She already knew the answer – in more ways than one.

"A-Always!" It came out more of a squeak than it should have, but Kai couldn't contain her laughter that time. The nervous giggles took over and it eased the tension in the air between them. Joshua waited to speak until he'd regained control of his voice. "I hope that you rest exceptionally well, Kai."

She smiled. "I hope you do too, Joshua." A moment passed before Kai released his arm, only to hold her hand against his bicep as she leaned forward, pressing her lips against his cheek. "Sweet dreams," she whispered, stepping back to enter her room.

Joshua stood in the hallway, staring at Kai's door, unable to believe what just happened. 'Kai…kissed me?' He'd felt her touch on his arm, and then she'd leaned in close. He swore he could feel her press against his chest before her lips touched his skin.

They were soft, just as he'd always imagined.

His heart was beating against his chest as it sunk in. 'Kai kissed me! That – that must mean something, right?' For all he knew, it was out of politeness, but she'd never done that before. And the way she'd told him "sweet dreams"! Joshua knew he wasn't going to sleep anytime soon, not after her voice tickled his ear.

A slow clap began nearby. "Well, look at you!" Jorg cooed. "You look like something good happened tonight!"

When he turned, Joshua knew he was smiling like an idiot; he could feel it in his face but he didn't give a damn. He didn't even care that his best friend laughed at his expense when he punched the air, declaring loudly that he'd gotten a kiss. Kai probably even heard him nerd out in the hallway, along with half the residence. He didn't care that it was on the cheek. It was something!

Kai turned in her sleep, kicking a leg from under her blanket. Her body felt flushed, and she needed any kind of relief to cool off. She certainly wasn't getting it from her dreams.

"Not again," she groaned, laying across the large stone dais. She was getting tired of seeing the temple's protection seal underneath herself. It was almost as irritating as the restraints that chained her in place. Sure, she was allowed movement to sit up and take in nutrients to regain her strength, but the "precaution" had always seemed extreme. It was surprising that she was allowed to stay to heal in the first place. Then again, she was a Sorcerer General, a supporter of the Dark Rebel Army.

Or had been, at the time. Now… now she wasn't sure where she belonged.

Kai knew what would come next in the dream. Her restraints were pulled, forcing her to turn onto her stomach. That large hand would slide under her robe, groping her skin despite asking for the faceless figure to stop. Kai now knew who the hand belonged to. It wasn't some trick of the poison's aftereffects that made her believe the temple's priests were sinful. The hand forcefully grabbed her hip, flipping her back over onto her back to reveal Dark Schneider.

Naked, as usual.

"Why you, of anyone in the world?!" She yelped as his hands moved to squeeze her breasts.

"You know why," he smirked. "I'm the first man that's ever touched you…"

"It will be the last time you ever do," a new voice spoke, startling Kai.

There was a shadow forming behind the wizard, and when the hand landed on Dark Schneider's shoulder, he began to fade to smoke. Kai couldn't see who it was in the shadows that made him disappear, but if they were strong enough to do that, she was doomed. She began to struggle against the restraints, wishing she could get loose.

"No!" She pleaded, feeling a hand drop to her shackled ankles. Kai pinched her eyes closed, waiting for her demise as she tried to kick the hands away. They held firm, only releasing her when the restraints fell to the floor. "Please! Let me go!"

"Kai… Kai it's alright…"

The voice was calm, and soft…and…familiar… Slowly, Kai opened her eyes to see Joshua hovering above her. "J-Joshua..?" She couldn't believe it. How did he get in her dream?

"I came to rescue you, Kai." She had no idea how he released her restraints, but her arms fell limp above her head. Kai carefully pulled her arms to her chest, rubbing her wrists before she reached up to wrap them around Joshua's neck, bringing him closer. "It's alright now, Kai," he murmured. "Dark Schneider won't touch you any longer."

The way his breath tickled her skin made Kai shiver, but there was something else about his words that struck something within her. Something pleasant. Something that she wanted to explore. It seemed that Joshua had the same idea.

It had started with a kiss on the cheek, not unlike the one she gave him outside her room. His lips were soft on her skin, moving down her jaw to her neck. Kai didn't know her neck had a sensitive spot, but he'd found it along the path to her shoulder. She squirmed underneath him, hoping that he would get the message. It was the lightest touches, and it was driving her crazy.

"Joshua…" she sighed, trying to arch up against him. Kai didn't know what she wanted, but she knew she needed it. Joshua chuckled against her skin as his kisses moved across her chest, down between the valley of her breasts. There, he placed a tender kiss just above her heart.

"Do you want more?"

Kai let out a moan. What was she supposed to say?! How could he not tell?! She arched upwards again, but he moved away. "Please!"

"Please, what?"

She whimpered, wishing she could kick herself for the sound. "I don't…I don't know!" It nearly came out as a wail. She was desperate for something. "My body…it feels too hot… I can't… Joshua…"

"You want me to make you feel good?"

"Yes!" Her hands were free but it was like they wouldn't move from his shoulders. Bare shoulders. Why hadn't she realized that he was naked?

Joshua moved up her body again, meeting her nose to nose. Kai's fingers wove through his dark hair, in the hopes that he wouldn't pull away again. She couldn't explain why, but not being near him right then was agony. "Can you tell me what you want me to do?" He ducked his head down to kiss the space under her ear before he nipped at the lobe.

Kai shivered as his teeth scraped her skin. Trying to tell him that she wanted more was hard enough, but being specific?! He expected her to have a rational thought with the way he touched her?! His lips began to suck against a pressure point and she felt like her knees buckled, despite laying on the dais. Her body was getting hotter, and the occasional kiss on her skin wasn't enough anymore. "I need… anything," she begged. It sounded so pathetic to her ears. "I just need you."

For the first time, she heard him groan above her. "I've waited years to hear that," he murmured, bringing his mouth back to cover her own. The kiss was filled with hunger, and she couldn't imagine anything better in that moment. When Joshua pulled back, he smirked down at her. "You want me to surprise you."

It wasn't a question, but she nodded anyway.

Joshua rocked back on his heels, and Kai didn't get a chance to blink before she felt her robe being pulled open, exposing her to the chill of the air. Now that she could better see him, he wasn't shying away from her like before. Joshua looked confident as he straddled her legs, not minding in the slightest that she could see how interested he was in her. Kai already felt hot, but her cheeks still burned. A thousand thoughts were going through her head, but the moment his hands slid upwards to cup her breasts, she forgot every one. All she could focus on was the way his hands massaged her gently, how he cradled her body with each touch. Her thighs pressed together tightly when she felt her panties turn damp. She couldn't control her reactions anymore. She was so out of her element that she felt helpless under Joshua's care, not knowing what he was going to do next.

Kai was shocked to find that she wasn't scared.

His hands moved down her sides, stopping to pull away the ties of her panties at each hip. Kai moaned as the fabric slid against her skin, red staining her cheeks when Joshua tossed them somewhere she couldn't see. "You're beautiful," he purred, bending to kiss the skin beneath her belly button. He'd begun to move back out of her reach, and she felt a rush of panic come over. Joshua seemed to pick up on her mood and grabbed her hand, placing a kiss to the palm. "I think I know something that you'll like," he smiled, assuring her that he wasn't leaving.

Joshua moved to settle between her legs, which meant that Kai's were spread open, exposing her further. Kai gasped as he settled on his stomach, leaning up on her elbows to better see him. "W-wait, Joshua!"

"What's wrong?" He asked, softly rubbing the insides of her thighs. "I want to make you feel good, Kai. You said you needed me, right?"

"Mm…mm-hm…" Her thighs were starting to quiver under his touch. Joshua's fingers were getting really close to –

"Give me a chance," he told her. "You don't know what you need, so let's experiment."

Kai watched as his head lowered – and then she was staring up at the ceiling. The feeling of his lips against hers had been wonderful, but that one kiss didn't compare to what his mouth was doing to her right then! Her arms hadn't been able to hold her up, and her back slapped against the dais, but she wasn't in pain. No, she couldn't think about anything else but the sensations Joshua was giving her from between her thighs.

If Joshua was pausing to check with her, she never heard him over the sounds of her gasps and moans mixed with his name and pleas to not stop. It felt so good! The burning continued to build inside her, and she felt like she was going to explode soon. Kai reached down with shaky hands, searching for any part of the samurai that she could reach. She needed to touch him herself. She needed to ground herself before she reached the peak of whatever her body was racing towards.

The feeling was getting closer. Her body felt tense, and she began to panic until she felt the hand that held her hip. Kai gripped his hand with one of hers. The other met his scalp, to her surprise, but she didn't move it away. She pressed down, hopefully telling him not to stop whatever it was he was making her feel. Kai felt like a large wave was about to hit her as she threw her head back to scream –

"JOSHUA –!"

Kai panted for breath as her body jerked awake. She lay there, inhaling deeply to calm her racing heart. "It was just a dream," she told herself. "A dream."

An unpleasant dream that turned very, very good. Too good. She was pretty certain her body was still flushed from how it had changed for the better. Her thighs quivered at the thought, but that wasn't the biggest surprise. She'd not only found herself excited by Joshua's touch in the dream, but she had been trying to take care of herself in her sleep to ease the ache. Kai wished she could pretend that she didn't, but the evidence was all over her fingers…among other places.

'I… I've never… I've never done that before.' She was horrified as she slowly sat up. Kai needed to make sure she hadn't made a worse mess than she imagined. The very thought of getting up and cleaning up sounded exhausting, but it needed to be done. Maybe it could justify making herself feel good. 'I don't think I can,' Kai thought miserably. 'It seems…wrong to have…enjoyed it. And Joshua! How am I going to look at him in the morning?!'

After Kai had cleaned every soiled area, she untwisted her blankets and laid back down. There were still some hours until sunrise; maybe she could get some sleep. She still hadn't figured out how she would be able to look Joshua in the eyes after being pleasured by him in her dream as she drifted off.

Her only option was to avoid him.

Kai's best solution for avoiding Joshua was to stick with Yoko. It was a poor plan, because she was basically shadowing the cleric most of the day, but it also proved to have benefits. Kai learned more about Yoko's abilities. She got a more in-depth explanation of the different spells and training that her father had raised her with. But the subject of the high priest also had its drawbacks, namely his absence for two years.

Yoko was furious that he had never tried to search for her or Lucien. She was thankful that he was protecting the princess, but he could have done something.

"I thought that you would be madder that he said that he wouldn't save you at the risk of the world," Kai pointed out. "I mean, he's your father. I thought fathers were supposed to protect their children." She didn't have much memory of her own; he'd fallen in battle when she was too young to recall his face, and her uncle had been her patriarchal figure.

"That I expected," the cleric replied, and Kai's heart sunk. "The safety of all the people in the world is greater than the safety of my life alone."

"Dark Schneider doesn't feel that way. He said he'd give up his plans of taking the world for his own if it meant he could have you alive and safe."

Yoko's cheeks turned red. "Y-yes… I…I remember…"

They were sitting outside on the balcony of Yoko's room. The solitude allowed them to speak more freely, and Kai was going to take advantage of it. "Can I ask you…why do you keep turning Dark Schneider away? You look flattered that he'd said that."

"Well…I mean…" Yoko sighed. "It's not that I'm doing it to be mean or anything," she clarified. "I nearly gave in right after he reappeared. But…he can say one thing and then do another that goes against it. Like when he snuck into your room."

Oh yes, Kai recalled that nightmare. Yoko hadn't blamed her, but she felt awful. "Empress Nei has been giving him the business end of her powers for the same reason."

"Yeah. Is it awful that I'm supporting her efforts?" Yoko laughed nervously. "Deep down he's still Lucien, and it's not happened a lot but I still see moments where he's a perfect balance of them both."

"Is that why you're waiting?"

Yoko nodded. "I'm scared that if I give in too easily, he'll find another woman to wear down, and I won't matter. He'll have gotten what he wanted because I won't even be able to turn him back into Lucien, or Lucien into Dark Schneider if something happened. I need to know that I won't lose one or the other."

Kai understood. "It's like losing a part of yourself for something you've been told will be wonderful."

"Kai? Is everything okay?"

She shook her head. "It's…complicated."

"We've got time before dinner," Yoko suggested. "Even if I can't offer advice, I can always listen if you need to let something out."

Kai exhaled, thanking the gods that Yoko was close to her in age. She wasn't sure this was a talk she could have with Empress Nei. Sean Ari was too innocent to be of help, but Yoko seemed like she was more practical about such topics, even if she had no experience. "I know I don't need to ask that this not go beyond us, but…"

Yoko slid her chair over closer to Kai's. "You can whisper, if you'd feel better."

"That's just it. Talking about it won't help me, but I don't know what to do." She chewed her lip, mulling over how to best phrase her question. "Have you ever…when Dark Schneider has… you said you nearly gave in at the baths, right? Did you ever…feel different? Like…a good different?"

The cleric's cheeks turned pink, but she nodded quickly. "Y-yeah. I know exactly what you're talking about."

"When you've felt that…did you ever... I mean you don't have to say in detail or anything! Have you ever…done something about that feeling? You know…by…yourself..?"

"Have I ever…oh! Um…I actually…haven't…" Yoko admitted sheepishly. "The feeling never lasted long enough to follow through. I usually got angry and it went away… But you have?"

Kai nodded, turning red.

"It's not a bad thing," Yoko assured her.

"But what if you…don't realize you were doing it? What if you…woke up to find that you had? That can't be normal, can it?"

The redhead looked thoughtful. "I think if that happened when you were asleep, it must have been a good dream? I haven't heard of that happening, but just the same there's nothing shameful about it." Yoko leaned closer to her. "Is it okay to ask what the dream was about? You know…since we've been sharing knowledge today."

At Yoko's wink, Kai knew she was treating this conversation with the decorum of if they were talking about healing spells. It was girl talk, but she was trying to accommodate Kai's embarrassment. She exhaled, bracing herself. Kai began by telling Yoko that Dark Schneider was in the dream…at first, then quickly added that the only reason he was there was because he'd sent her to the Temple of Cant. She didn't want him there and made it clear, but Yoko waved it off. She'd wanted to hear the good stuff, which Kai reluctantly began to reveal…

"It was Joshua?!" Yoko nearly squealed. "Oh Kai, I'm so happy for you!"

Kai was sure she was blushing to her toes as she kept recounting the dream. Watching Yoko's live reactions weren't doing her any favors either. The cleric looked happy, then surprised, and soon enough she was blushing and hiding her gasps behind her hands. "…And then I woke up."

"And that's when you found out you had…" Kai nodded. "Wow. I… I never would have expected Joshua to… to do all of that…"

"See why I've been avoiding him? I'm afraid to look him in the eye, Yoko! What am I gonna do? We started having evening sparring matches; I can't back out without having to give him a reason!"

"I mean…"

Kai shrieked and covered her face. Her wails were muffled. "I can't go tell him that I had a dirty dream about him! I am…in big trouble, Yoko."

She felt her friend reach out and pull her hands away. Yoko looked at her with a mixture of concern and understanding. "Hey, I get it. This is all new to you too, isn't it?"

"Yes…"

"And you mentioned that Joshua told you he doesn't know what he's doing either, right?"

"He certainly figured it out in my dream!"

Yoko shrugged. "Which should tell you that it takes time to learn these things? Would you feel better knowing that you'd be with someone who has never been with anyone else, whose also learning as he goes? Or would you rather have someone that makes you feel like you're not going to match up when the time comes?"

Kai frowned. "When did we assume that Joshua and I were… And is that how you feel? Yoko, I don't think Dark Schneider would think any less of you because you're not experienced."

"I know. He's certainly said that he's willing to teach me," she grimaced. "But I'm focused on you and Joshua right now. You're clearly worried about what he'd think. Personally, I don't think he'd be mad – he may even be flattered, all things considered! Doesn't worrying about his opinion show you that you might feel strongly for him too?"

"I'm not sure," the Sorcerer General sighed dismally.

"How do you feel when you think about him?"

Kai gave a shrug. "Like today? I…I feel bad that I haven't seen him at all. I don't want to avoid him, because I didn't like it when he avoided me. I want to be close to him? I miss talking to him, and our practices together. It's nice when we get to walk alone. But after that dream… all I can think about is what it'd be like to actually –"

"Alright! I think we've covered that!" Yoko squeaked, turning bright red.

"Huh? I was gonna say kiss him."

"W- Oh, okay." Her friend cleared her throat, trying to will down the blush. "W-well, it's nearly dinner time. We should probably go eat. And Kai? I think… I want to tell you to look inside yourself to figure out what you need to do regarding Joshua, but I'm pretty sure you already have the answer."

The way Joshua's face lit up when he saw Kai enter the dining hall made her stomach flip. It was followed by a need to blurt out everything, but at the same time pull him across the table and kiss him – neither one she particularly wanted to do surrounded by so many people. As it was, she'd only gotten her tray placed on the table before she was swept up in a monster of a hug.

"There's our girl!" Jorg called out, crushing Kai to him as he lifted her up off the floor. "Haven't seen you all day today!"

Kai tried her best to return the hug to placate him, but her arms were pinned to her sides, so she could only bend her elbows and hope that she didn't pat his armpits. Jorg wasn't through, of course. He decided to do a turn on the spot before he set her back on her feet. Kai brushed the wrinkles out of her clothes and gave him an apologetic look. "I was with Yoko today. I didn't realize I'd be missed..?"

"Of course you were!" She was sitting down when Joshua spoke up suddenly, catching her by surprise. "Both of you bring a great amount of light into our lives."

A few seats down from her, Yoko fawned over the compliment. Kai didn't get a chance to react, because Jorg returned to his seat on Joshua's left and felt compelled to add more to the statement. "You really don't know how much of a difference you ladies being here these past couple of years has had for us samurai. Especially when a lot of the women in the residence are spoken for, or is someone's mother. Just being around is like a reset for our heads, you know? Gives us a daily reminder of why we need to stop Anthrasax."

It was a sweet comment, but Kai reminded him that both Yoko and herself have and will continue to fight. "We're not only capable of birthing children and being left to keep a home."

"Of course not," Jorg nodded. "But when we do win this war, what are your plans? Have you ever thought about that?"

Kai lifted her cup to her lips. "What? Children?"

"Yeah!"

She almost expected him to crack a joke, but he looked curious. "I don't know… I suppose I never gave it much thought. Maybe I never expected to see the war's end," she mulled. It was a fact of life and battle.

Jorg nodded. "I can see that. But you gotta think positive, Kai. Just take a look at Joshua over here, for example –"

"Jorg, whatever you're about to say, don't –" The Samurai Master didn't look the slightest bit entertained by the conversation that was happening, but Jorg kept going.

"He comes from a very respected line of samurai. Real good bloodline too; never saw one of the elders with a receding hairline…"

"That's because they died in the line of duty!"

"He's also strong as hell, but you've fought against him, so you know that already, Kai. Very smart, the patience of a saint –"

"You're working my last nerve –"

The best part of it was that Jorg clearly didn't care. Everyone around them was listening intently, and since many were new to the residence, it was new information about the normally calm samurai leader. For those that knew Joshua's past, it was entertaining to see how many shades of red he could turn.

"Do you know what his mother told me before she passed? We were still kids – terrible illness to bring down a fighter like herself, sadly – but she'd told me to watch over Joshua. Make sure that he grows up to be an honorable man. It's funny cause he's got a year ahead of me, but regardless I promised her that. She lamented that she'd miss seeing her son grow up, find someone special, and have a family to continue on the Belaira name."

Joshua was rubbing his temple, shooting a dark look at his best friend. "Yes, just what everyone needs to hear over dinner is a dreary look at my childhood."

"She sounds like she was a very kind woman," Kai offered. "She only wanted the best for you."

"You're right," Jorg winked, which turned into a wince when the table thumped. It was obvious to everyone that Joshua had stomped on his foot. "As I was saying before someone kicked me…"

Kai tried her best not to laugh. She was slipping. Even covering her mouth with her hand didn't help.

"He won't say it, but Joshua here has been holding onto that dream for years." Jorg clapped him on the back. At this point no one knew if Joshua's red face was from anger or embarrassment. "It's one of those things you hang onto in the worst days so that you remember that there's hope. You fight like hell to reach that dream. So when you two ladies came to us, it's kind of like that. A signal of hope for better days."

"And with our added strength, we will be closer to those dreams." Kai nearly jumped in her seat when Nei sat next to her. "Tell me, Joshua. Did your mother wish for you to have a large family?"

"Uh…she…she never said?" He shrugged, startled that she was addressing him at all. At least his face had finally returned to its normal color.

Nei nodded, poking at her food. "I don't know you well but I suspect that regardless of how large a family you build, they will be respected and strong. Don't you agree, Kai? You've mentioned that you two spar against each other regularly."

Kai prayed that she wasn't blushing. The more the conversation about Joshua's future family continued, the harder she tried to ignore the flashes of her dream coming back to her. She needed to not think about him doing that when an innocent conversation was going on. Even if the act to achieve that goal wasn't so innocent… Kai looked across from her at Joshua, feeling her heartbeat pick up. "I – I agree, Empress," she replied. "Joshua is very strong, and an excellent leader…and I'm certain that his future family will continue to model his example."

There was the tiniest hint of a blush in his cheeks, and Kai was sure she might've lost the fight as well. She just hoped it was taken as a compliment and that he wasn't in the same boat she was with her thoughts trailing into inappropriate territory.

The topic shifted to others discussing their plans for when the war came to an end, which allowed Kai a chance to eat her meal and sit in silence. She hadn't been lying to Jorg when she told him that she hadn't planned that far ahead. But now…now the thought that she didn't have any viable options to look forward to made her sad. 'I could always make up an idea to chase,' she thought. 'But I don't know if I'm worthy enough to be granted a dream.'