Author's Note: This one shot is not connected to Arisen in Skyrim and features a different Arisen; although the author's note at the end has information on the next AiS update.
Crack taken somewhat seriously. Starts off somewhat normal and slowly descends into madness.
Festival Pies!!!
It was another dull day in the Duke's Demense. Julian sat at his desk going over soldier reports and the like. It was tedious work, but someone had to do it. For the sake of Voldoa he had a lot of work to do. He wished that he could hand it off to someone else, but it wasn't a task he could trust to just anyone. Who else but him would be able to undermine Gransys, sow sedition, and collude with Salvation? As a proud knight of Voldoa he was honor bound to do what he thought was right. Even if it did mean betraying the people of Gransys, toppling the Wyrm-slayer, and supporting a murderous death cult. But this was for the people! The people of Voldoa!
After many long tireless hours of meticulously poring over his work at his desk he finally stood up. Whether it was to stretch after sitting for so long, to abate his boredom, or a mayhaps a mix of both he decided to leave the safety of his room. He regretted it as soon as he stepped out.
"Ahh! Lord Julian!" A harpy screeched in delight. "What a pleasure it is to see you on this fine day!"
He clicked his tongue in frustration as she approached. She was one of the noble ladies of Gran Soren who oft spent a lot of time gallivanting around the Duke's court. This one in particular seemed to spend a lot of time hovering near his room. He had a nagging feeling that he may have partially been a factor.
Julian was considered by many to be an upstanding man of good breeding. Having been born to a good Voldoan family alone made him desirable among noble ladies, and the fact that he happened to be considered attractive certainly didn't help. He was tall, and broad shouldered, had a handsome face, his eyes a charming blue, and he had long, flowing, golden locks. According to many a women he was the very image of the dashing knight or prince charming that played hero in children's stories or nursery tales. He fought the urge to roll his eyes at the idea, instead turning to the woman as she neared.
"Ah, yes. I suppose it is-" He paused not recalling her name. He couldn't place her, she was one harpy amidst the many that flocked to him when he appeared to not be occupied with anything of import. "Good day, Milady."
The woman's face fell as he turned to leave. "Wait Lord Julien! Do not tell me that you have forgotten my name again!" He only let out a sigh as she followed him, angrily squawking at him. "How could you be so remiss as to forget me?! I am Lady Elizabeth, Eldest daughter of Ser.Reginald!"
To her delight he paused. 'Ser.Reginald.' Now that name did ring a bell. He recalled the man with disgust, though he was loathe to even call him a man. He was just another pompous lower noble who was more preoccupied with attempting to improve his own wealth and status than actually do his job. Another sleazy rat in this slum disguised as 'high society'; the type that Julian despised the most. His jaw tightened. 'I see, so he's her father.'
Seizing her chance Elizabeth made a beeline for him, and grabbed his arm. "Well I see that gave you pause," she said with a wry smile. "Tis' alright, I'll forgive your transgression this time, but in return-" Her lips coiled, and her voice lowered as she shamelessly began to embrace him.
Julian stiffened in shock a moment afore he grabbed her firmly and removed her from him. "I think you forget yourself." He said sternly as he glowered at her, his voice thick with his Voldoan accent.
"Ah! Lord Julian?" She attempted to protest, but stopped when she noticed his icy glare.
"I have only a brief period of reprieve before I must get back to work, yet I find myself beset by beef-witted dandiprats with less decorum than baseborn cottiers!" The woman paled at his words. "You've done enough at whittling my patience. Pray do not vex me further." She sputtered incredulously, mouth agape, and ego sorely bruised. "Now, good day." He left feeling a sense of satisfaction. He hoped that she wouldn't pester him any more after that, although that still left him with a whole flock of other women just like her to contend with.
On a day like today he would have liked to enjoy a short stroll about the gardens, or a chance to spar for a bit, but while the weather was nice he didn't feel like dealing with more fizgigs and strumpets. If he seemed to be leisurely enjoying himself then they would surely gather and hound him like rabid wolves. If he started sparring then they would gather to start screeching about how the other men better not scratch his pretty face or other ridiculous nonsense such as that. Just the thought of dealing with them was tedious. He sighed and decided to content himself by overlooking the court from above.
As he watched the nobles below he couldn't help but think about how utterly ridiculous it all was. The duke, and the nobles here cared not for the plight of their people, but only concerned themselves with... well, themselves. His brow furrowed in frustration and contempt, and his knuckles went white as he tightly gripped the rail. It was such a revolting sight, but then that was among the reasons why he was doing all this.
When he had first come to Gransys he had been full of zeal, and ideals. He was certain that by coming together the nations of Gransys, Voldoa, and Hearthstone would form a powerful alliance capable of vanquishing the Dragon and protecting the people, but alas it was not to be. He was instead met with blatant corruption. 'Fools! The entire lot of them!' He thought angrily.
The duke of Gransys, the so called great man who had once slain a Dragon; the man that he was certain would be most concerned... did absolutely nothing but while away hours sitting lamely on his throne every day with a bored look upon his face. A powerful man capable of doing great things, and he does nothing!
Then there was Mercedes Martin. When he heard that the ambassador from Hearthstone had finally arrived he was once more sorely disappointed to find that all that Grende could bother to send as aid was that foolish she-goat daughter of his. While Julian didn't hate Mercedes he couldn't help but feel angry at her presence. Grende had two skilled sons but he sent her instead, and while she was happy to play at being a knight she was not very skilled, and she was oblivious to her father's true intentions. He did not want to risk losing his sons so he sent his daughter certain that no one would put a woman in any real danger. In other words they were getting no help from house Martin.
Just then the doors were opened and his eyes flicked over to see a certain girl pop her head into the room. Julian snickered. 'Arisen,' Now the biggest fool of all was here. While she was definitely far more capable than most knights she was undoubtedly too simple for someone with the title of Arisen. He still remembered the day when she had first entered this hall. He had hoped that the one who slew the hydra would impress him at least, but instead a young, wide eyed girl stumbled in like a fool to be mocked and ridiculed by the useless nobles of the court. And oh by the maker she was still wearing that same ridiculous hat the Jester had put on her on that day before ushering her in. 'Why is she still wearing that thing?' He wondered somewhat incredulously.
He watched her with piqued interest as she glanced about the room, looking for something, or rather someone. She looked up, and their eyes met, then he felt somewhat unnerved as she broke out into a huge grin. As she quickly began to rush upstairs he wondered if she was perhaps making her way to him. Sure enough she soon stood before him, and promptly keeled over trying to catch her breath. "Ser.Julian, er I mean Lord Julien!" She said somewhat awkwardly as she tried to get the words out despite herself.
He resisted the urge to laugh, but he could still feel it tugging at the corner of his lips. "Arisen, is there aught you have of need me for?" He asked while doing his best to hide his amusement behind his mask of professionalism.
Once she got her bearings the clearly flustered mage nodded. "Ser.Daerio, requests your aid."
Upon hearing this he straightened. If it was a message from Ser.Daerio then it was of great import. "Truly, Ser?" It was more of a statement of surprise than a question. "Then prithee tell me aught I may assist."
The Arisen nodded. "There is a shortage of supplies at Windbluff tower."
Ah, there it was. The signal he had been waiting for and the bearer of this news was none other than the Arisen herself. He felt a pang of guilt at using the naive and trusting Arisen, but pushed it to the back of his mind. "Truly Ser?" He asked her; feigning concern. "That is troubling to hear, when the men go hungry morale falters."
She nodded sympathetically. "Yes, it must be very taxing on the men stationed there. They have much to contend with."
He sighed. "So the captain at the stone of the north seeks supplies? Very well." The Arisen looked up at him with those doe eyes of hers in joy. This was far too easy a task, and yet he still found it difficult. Once more he pushed the guilt to the back of his mind, and pressed on. "Know you the amount he seeks?"
She nodded. "A week's worth."
He stiffened. 'So the revolt will occur within a week's time.' That didn't leave much time for dilly dallying. He would have to hasten preparations. That also meant that in only a week's time he and the Arisen before him would become bitter enemies; never again to enjoy simple moments like pleasant conversation, or good company. Their friendship would end soon. He had told himself that their friendship was naught more than a farce, and yet he couldn't deny it hurt. It was too late to go back now though, events were already in motion. Only the halt of time itself could staunch his betrayal, but alas time was a cruel mistress that waited for no one. It was with these thoughts in mind that Julian continued to play this charade, thanking her on behalf of the men stationed, and promising to send supplies.
He looked at the relieved Arisen; closely taking in everything. This might just be the last time they would regard each other on friendly terms, as allies, as friends. From her rosy speckled cheeks to her large brown eyes, and her long auburn hair, to her dusty mage robes torn and stained from battle, and last but not least that stupid hat on her head. Oh by the Maker why was she still wearing that ridiculous thing‽ He was taken from his thoughts when her soft voice once more graced his ears.
"Um, Ser.Julien?" She was blushing quite a bit and couldn't meet his eyes. "I have aught I wish to give you, if you'll accept it."
When she pulled out the fresh festival pies Julian couldn't stop the feeling of his face heating up. His own cheeks couldn't be half as red as hers could they? His hand shot up in an attempt to shield his lack of decorum from view. "A-Arisen."
"I hope you'll accept them. You wouldn't possibly believe how much trouble it took to find these," she said. "The traveling peddler who carries them has a nasty habit of disappearing when I must deign to seek him out."
Honestly he was far more curious about where in her mage robes she was keeping them, and how they remained piping hot, but decided it would be beneath his dignity to ask. Instead he opted to try to regain control of the situation. "I am surprised to see that you wish to give them to me when the men at fort are lacking supplies."
Her face fell at his words. "I know, I am sorry." She felt that she really was selfish to think of her own feelings over the hunger of the men.
"But still I am happy, and would gladly take them if you wish it."
For the last time they exchanged pleasantries and shared in each other's good company before they had to return to their duties. The Arisen left feeling uplifted, but Julian was with a heavy heart; torn in the bittersweetness of the moment.
For Julian the week went quickly as he finished all his preparations. He had not met the Arisen again in that time, and he couldn't help feeling a tad disappointed. Oh well, at least he would finally be rid of the fools of the court; and he certainly wouldn't miss this place. Speaking of; the end of his stay had arrived, and he had the perfect plan to make his departure a memorable one.
His eyes eagerly flickered over his rather large stockpile of festival pies; some of which he had procured himself, though most had been gifted to him by the Arisen. A large grin stretched across his face in anticipation of what he was about to do with them; and at thoughts of the Arisen he could feel his face heat up. He had to whip his head around though when he thought he heard the sound of chimes; and waved his hands frantically at the air around him that had turned a bright shade of pink for some reason. Ignoring what just happened he put on his mask; pocketed his stockpile, and went out into the Duke's court for the last time.
Julian did not hold back; and fully unleashed his chaotic fury upon them. Starting with the useless duke he aimed his weapon at his head; and threw with all his might. There was a loud splat as it hit it's mark; splattering berry juice everywhere as the people gasped. He didn't let up; quickly pulling out another pie and throwing it at the pompous noble Reginald. He fell backwards with a loud thump. Oh this was just too much fun! Realizing the danger their fancy, overly expensive clothes were in; the foolish nobles started frantically trying to escape.
He spotted the harpies screeching and trying to flee; but Julian wasn't about to allow that, not after suffering their talons. He aimed true and the pies stained their once lovely dresses in the deep shade of the berries hue. The weeping harlot's song was music to his ears.
He couldn't help the laughter that escaped him as the fools were finally given their just deserts. The Arisen wouldn't know of the joy that he has thanks to her generous gifts; but that didn't mean he wasn't about to repay it in his own way. She would most like never find out, but he was about to get vengeance for her sake.
The clanking of metal as the guards began to make their way to him signalled them as his next targets. Quickly he flung the pies at them. They fell back almost as one with pained cries as their eyes were blinded by pie. As they angrily sputtered with scrunched red faces covered in blueberry he laughed at them just as they had once laughed at the Arisen. The frenzied lot bumbled around blindly as they tried to grab hold of him, but he easily rushed past them.
Nobles, guards, and the duke found themselves pummeled and pelted with pies, pies, and more pies. "There's seemingly no end to them!" Someone wailed. He didn't know who, and he didn't care; their voice was drowned amidst the rest of their pathetic lot's bemoans.
Amidst the pandemonium Julian caught sight of bright red and yellow rush through the crowd. He followed it to find a quivering, shaking husk of a fool. His eyes glinted with glee as he recognized him. Feste the pudgy, midget court jester was cowering behind the duke's throne. Alas what better way to thank his Arisen than to get revenge on the one who caused her to be mocked in the first place.
"Hold, a moment Sir.Knight!" Feste's irritating voice came out both whimpering and shrill.
Julian resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Ugh, that grating voice of yours is the reason for the first pie." It hit his leg and Julian readied two more pies. "The second is for making a mockery of the Arisen." The second hit his body and spattered over most of him, but Julian still wasn't finished. "The third and final reason, is for giving her that stupid, ridiculous hat!" He angrily threw the last pie as hard as he could and it splattered on his head and face. The jester didn't get up, but he was fine probably; even if he wasn't he'd be back to normal within a fortnight.
Getting back to everyone else; he noticed Mercedes step out of her room. "By the Maker; what pray tell is this?" While the question was normal enough in this circumstance he could tell from her slightly slurred speech; and her overtly jovial mood that she must be drunk on her favorite cloud wine.
"Oh?" Julian smiled pleasantly. "Just a little party to commemorate this memory." Then without warning he promptly threw a pie at her. "You may partake if it pleases you!"
The pie hit her in the chest quite hard; and she fell back, but Mercedes drunk as she was simply began eating the pie; not registering what truly was happening. "Now this is how you sojourn in the Capital!" She couldn't help licking her fingers between words. "Why is this not more common? Me-thinks it is far more pleasant than our usual council."
Julian shook his head with a chuckle. "I know not; for this is without a doubt the most I have ere enjoyed myself." He looked up at Mercedes; feeling conflicting feelings. Indeed he did not hate her; and in this moment and others he found her company pleasant. If anything he was grateful that she did not yet understand the truth about him just yet. Later no doubt she would come to realize his betrayal; and it was a thought that would and had weighed heavily upon his mind. He still could not entirely forgive her presence, but he would much have preferred if he could throw pies at Lord Grende instead. As he watched her he spoke a quiet farewell afore turning to make his leave.
As the last of his stock disappeared, and more guards began to show up he promptly made his exit. With Gran Soren behind him he wondered if the Arisen would ever find out just what had happened in the duke's court, and what her reaction would be. Well, it mattered not; for they were enemies now. A mixture of conflicting emotions made their way to his face, and he had trouble suppressing them. In the end he turned back once more with a sad smile afore shoving his emotions down and forcing himself forward.
Duke Edmund got up face reddened in mad fury. All about him the court lay in berry stained shambles. Maids and nobles alike were quivering about on the floor; moaning and weeping about their soiled dresses or the amount of cleaning they'd have to do. Looking to the staff he yelled, "Get up! I want this place spotless!" They had no recourse, but to listen, and quickly got to work. Turning to the rest of the court he continued. "I decree henceforth that none should dare to utter what hath transpired this day!" Everyone present had no choice but to agree, lest they lose their head.
Elsewhere as the Arisen and her pawns were finishing up a tough battle; the Arisen couldn't help looking up to the sky as the hired pawns celebrated their victory. She sighed dreamily. Her main pawn; a sturdy fighter by the name of Guiles asked. "Pray tell, what are you thinking about Arisen?"
With slightly pink tint to her cheeks she answered. "I was just wondering what Sir.Julian might have been up to, and if he had enjoyed the gifts I gave him."
Guiles smiled. "I am certain he must be quite busy taking care of important matters, and that he must have greatly enjoyed the pies Arisen."
She beamed. "Yes. Let us return to the Capitol so we can announce our success, and that I might see him!"
Author's note: Now, you're probably wondering what in the blue blazes you just read. Tbh I don't really know either. I just found it funny how Julian's favored gift is festival pies, and when you look at the description it says they're meant for throwing and not eating. The image of Julian running around throwing pies was just absolutely hilarious to me and the image wouldn't leave me for the longest time. In the end I just had to write it in an effort to get it to stop plaguing me, and since I wrote it I might as well share it. I hope you found it half as entertaining as I did.
Oh, right! I also promised information on Arisen in Skyrim. I haven't given up on it, and have been working on it off and on all this time. Still after all the time I felt bad with my meager amount of progress, and so I was waiting for chapters to pile up a bit before posting them. I have six completed chapters that I plan on releasing on Christmas. (They're written; I just have some last minute adjustments to take care of.) Those of you reading on ffn will get them first, but for those of you reading on ao3 it may take me another day or two depending on how busy I am. I'm celebrating Christmas and a birthday back to back so things are a bit hectic!