Deep End

Flipping to the next page in her book, she rolled her shoulders back, trying to release the tension in her neck— her muscles screamed for a warm bath. She blamed Blake's late-night visit for the fitful night of sleep that had left her feeling incredibly stiff. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, he'd planted a seed of doubt, causing her to toss and turn until the early hours of the morning. Now, not even an hour into their flight to Germany, she felt a headache coming on.

"Nadine, I…" He trailed off, coughing into his sleeve.

With one hand on the door, she looked him over— pale skin, heavy eyelids, and cracked lips. "What are you doing?" As the words rushed out, she stepped back, wanting to keep her distance. Given their trip, they couldn't afford for anyone else to get sick. "You shouldn't be out of bed," she told him, covering her mouth with her arm.

"You hung up on me."

"Because you were being silly."

An hour ago, he'd called her, clearly worried about the Secretary traveling without either him or Henry on hand. With the call on speaker, she'd listened to him ramble as she'd packed her suitcase. Honestly, she'd mostly tuned him out— she had enough of her own what-ifs to worry about tonight. After telling him it would be fine, she'd ended the call, rolling her eyes.

Without a word, Blake sidestepped her, walking inside. "I'm worried," he said from halfway down the hallway.

Dropping her arm, she shook her head, wondering how she'd let the walking dead wander into her apartment. Seriously, it seemed like half of DC had been taken out by this flu! Before she followed him into the kitchen, she grabbed a can of Lysol from the hall closet.

"Don't touch anything," Nadine warned, ready to threaten him.

She wasn't taking any chances.

On the plane, she rolled her shoulders back again, trying not to think about the worries Blake anxiously rambled about last night. It was hard not to, especially when she remembered that a bottle of medication and an alphabetized manual on anything and everything involving Elizabeth McCord was tucked into the front pocket of her carry-on bag. As she massaged the side of her neck, she convinced herself there was nothing to worry about.

An hour later, Jay leaned across the table, lowering his voice. "Is she okay?"

Turning her head, she saw the Secretary pull at the collar of her shirt, fanning herself. With one hand on her book, Nadine looked her over— flushed cheeks, wide eyes, and parted lips. For a moment, she wondered if she'd caught Blake's flu. The two of them were in constant contact, so she wouldn't be surprised if she was the one who fell ill next.

"Madam Secretary, are you feeling alright?"

Her chest heaved. "I'm fine."

From her chair, Nadine watched as the woman stood, one shaky hand holding onto the edge of the table. Then, she began to pace up and down the center aisle of the airplane. Closing her book, she frowned, wondering if Blake had been right to worry.

"I— I can't breathe!" In the aisle, the Secretary clawed at the base of her throat. "I can't bre—" She gasped for air.

Nadine locked eyes with Jay.

"Ma'am," they both said as they stood from their seats.

Not wanting to smother her, she let Jay be the one who reached out, gently touching her back. Had Blake called him last night too? After he led her across the aisle, he encouraged her to sit beside him.

Rubbing her arm, he whispered, "You're having a panic attack." When she started to hyperventilate again, Jay turned toward her. "Do you know how to help her?"

"I—" Her own heart started to pound. Swallowing, she sunk down into her chair and started to dig through her bag. First, she pulled out the bottle of medication and then the binder. Flipping it open, she said, "There has to be something in here."

"What is that?"

Good Lord, the letter A spanned the entire first page: Acne, Airlines, and Attorney. She turned to the next page. Seeing the letter B, she skipped three ahead to C: Calls, Calendar Abbreviations, and Car Rides. Nadine realized that Blake hadn't been exaggerating when he'd said that this couldn't fall into the wrong hands. About halfway through the binder, she saw the letter M: Medication, Menstrual Cycle (which took up the next four pages), and Music. On page 102, she found the letter P: Panic Attacks.

"Here," she muttered, trying to read quickly.

If she's having a panic attack, stay with her and encourage deep breathing. Her most common symptom is chest tightness. If she's hyperventilating don't put her head between her knees. Instead, sit across from her, squeeze her hands, and talk quietly until her breathing returns to normal.

Doing what Blake instructed, Nadine reached out, taking her hands. "Elizabeth, can you look at me?" Gently, she squeezed, applying pressure to her palms. "Try to open your eyes." When she did, Nadine muttered, "Good."

Elizabeth pulled one hand away to tug at the front of her blouse. "My— My chest is—"

"I know it feels tight right now, but it'll pass."

Out of the corner of her eye, Nadine saw Jay slide the binder across the table toward him.

Rubbing her thumbs over Elizabeth's knuckles, she asked, "Can you copy me?" Breathing in, she started to mimic box breathing— in for four, hold for four, out for four. She repeated the cycle as many times as it took for Elizabeth to get her breathing under control.

Eventually, the other woman pulled her hands away, resting them in her lap, but it was clear that she was still anxious.

"How do you feel now?"

Resting her head back against the seat, Elizabeth whispered, "Better."

"You should take a pill," Jay said. Assuming that he'd read through the section of the binder outlining her medication, Nadine nodded, agreeing with him. Unscrewing the lid of the bottle, he dumped a pill into his palm. "Here." Then he offered her a bottle of water.

With trembling hands, Elizabeth reached out.

It took forty minutes for her to truly relax, but once she did, Nadine could tell that she was embarrassed about what happened.

"We're both here for you," Nadine told her. Although their relationship may have started on the wrong foot, she was fully committed now. She met Jay's eyes before she said, "I promise, we've both been there before."

Slowly, Jay nodded. "It's true."

Last night, she shouldn't have doubted Blake's worry. When they landed in Germany, she would call and apologize profusely for brushing off his concern. Obviously, it was for a reason.

In her chair, Elizabeth nodded toward the binder. "What's that?"

"Oh." Nadine nervously laughed. "It belongs to Blake."

When Elizabeth pulled it over, her eyes widened. "It's about me?" She flipped through a couple of pages. And then a couple more. "Running? Salon appointments?" She paused, gasping. "There are three pages here about my sex life."

Jay nearly choked.

"It seems rather extensive, Ma'am," Nadine said, trying not to smile.

…And thank God for that.