"I just want to rest...I want to breathe again." I couldn't believe that I had actually went to a shrink, I'd spent so much trash talking treatment thinking that nothing could ever help me but... I was slightly starting to see some improvement. This was only my second session but, it was nice just having someone to talk to.
"You're making a lot of progress, Johnny. I know this is only your second session but, I do recognize you are trying to better yourself. I know that being open is something that you aren't used to doing. On Monday you mentioned that being open wasn't something you had felt was okay, would you like to explain that? You can say no." Kevin Collins was very good at what he did, he wasn't judgmental and took things slow.
"Thank you, Dr. Collins. I really appreciate you saying that. It's okay, I've kept this in for too long. I have always been sort of...closed off, ever since i was a child. When I was seven years old I saw my father shoot my mother, he meant to shoot me...but my mother shielded me. She died instantly, I wasn't even allowed to cry. I wasn't allowed to have any friends. I wasn't allowed to have pets or have any type of fun. My father is the most unstable person you could ever meet, there's no humanity in his eyes. There's just...darkness." Johnny hated delving into his past but, this was something he had to do.
"I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it, Johnny. I appreciate your honesty, the death of a parent is never easy on anyone especially losing one so young in such a tragic way. How did losing your mother make you feel towards your father?" Kevin asked.
"I have resented my father for as long as I can remember, even before the shooting. The way he talked to my mother, the way he treated me. I...also hold some resentment for my sister. I can't exactly reconcile my differences with her because of her death but, it's more or less of a matter of her promising that she would never leave me...and she left shortly after promising me that. I was all alone in that house, growing up with bodyguard who didn't care about me and a father who was so consumed by his own illness. My father still won't seek help." Words flowed out of his mouth easier than he'd expected, it felt freeing with each word he spoke.
"You're anger is understandable, it can be frustrating when the actions of someone you love can cause you immense pain. I know you said that you were closed off from a lot of people but, is there anyone that you feel like you could easily open up to?" Kevin nods in understanding.
"Yeah...my ex-girlfriend. I don't know what it is about her but, there's never any judgement. She's not going to tell me I'm wrong or demean me. With her, it's just always comforting. I really miss her." Johnny hadn't even admitted this to himself, so his statement shocked him.
"Before your next session, I want you to have an open conversation with her." Kevin stood up, offering his hand out to shake it.
"I will, I've been meaning to talk to her for awhile." I stood up, shaking his hand as he opened the door.
"Lulu! You...scared me." Kevin put his hand over his throat, clearing his throat at seeing Lulu Spencer with her hand raised as if to knock.
"I'm sorry, I promise I wasn't listening! I just...wanted to ask you a question! I don't need an appointment to do that. Do I?" Lulu was clearly flustered, as her eyes met mine.
"I can leave you to it, I'm pretty much done here." Johnny didn't want her to feel weird.
"No, no...you don't have to do that. I wanted to talk to you, anyway. It won't take long. I promise." Lulu held up a hand to stop him.
"Wait. Johnny?? Oh my God...you're finally doing it!" Lulu gasped in shock, promptly throwing her arms around his neck and wrapping him into a hug. Lulu hadn't hugged him in years, it felt warm and comforting. Johnny could have easily melted on the spot.
"Yeah, I figured you'd never steer me wrong." I pulled back to look at her, unable to stop my smile.
"To answer your question, you can ask me anything." Kevin says, giving Lulu an encouraging smile.
"You know how I was supposed to continue my therapy sessions after I got out of Shadybrooke but, I basically bailed?" Lulu raises an eyebrow, this was news to me.
"Wait. What? You didn't go?" I glanced at her, curious.
"I planned on it but, I figured that I was doing okay so I didn't need any help." She quickly explained.
"Let me guess, you thought you were cured because you were released? That's a common misconception that a lot of people have, after they go through a traumatic event like you did." Kevin explained, Lulu nods along to his words.
"It's definitely still taking it's toll, I just don't really talk about it anymore. Maybe that's the problem." Lulu sighed.
"I'll get you scheduled, you probably need to be on some medication. You might have post traumatic stress disorder along with some sort of mood disorder. I'm glad that you decided to come back so I can help you." Kevin wrote down an appointment for her.
"Well, it's kind of taking over my life and I'm not checking myself in again. That's just not something I'm willing to do. Honestly, it didn't help all that much. You are the only therapist I've ever trusted, it was really a no brainier." Lulu shrugged, trying to be nonchalant.
"I'll see you on Monday, then." Kevin ushers both of them out of his office, Johnny had no idea that she was still so affected by what happened with Logan.
"You know, you could have come to me." Johnny looked at her concerned as they walked to the elevator.
"Johnny, you always have so much going on. I couldn't have you worrying about me a long with everything else." Lulu placed her hazel eyes on him.