I know Christmas is over, but I'm not going to wait a whole year to publish this story. Also, it's my headcannon that the Three Bears start hibernating on January 1st, NOT the first day of Winter. That way they can still celebrate Christmas and New Year's Eve. It actually makes sense. Partying all night on New Year's Eve helps make them good and tired for hibernation.
Also, each chapter will get its own musical number featuring adapted lyrics. This one is based off of "I Don't Know What Christmas Is" by Old 97's from The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special. Enjoy!
Perrito Doesn't Know What Christmas Is
Chapter One: "I Don't Know What Christmas Is"
Once upon time, on a very merry Christmas Eve, all of Far Far Away was covered in a blanket of white snow. It really set the mood for a truly fairy tale Christmas.
In the town surrounding the castle where King Shrek and his family lived, within that fluffy white snow, a figure popped out of one of the deeper snow banks. With a happy bark, he jumped up and dived back into the snow, digging down into it and then rolling out the side.
"Having fun?" came an amused voice.
Perrito looked up to see Kitty Softpaws standing over him with a smile.
"Ooh yeah!" the dog replied giddily, "Snow is so much fun! It's so white and cold and soft! I wish they had more of it where I used to live!"
Kitty chuckled and said, "Well, it looks like Far Far Away has gotten its fairy tale white Christmas."
Perrito smiled and nodded, "Yeah. Christmas."
Kitty then rolled his eyes and said, "Which means Puss is busy hamming it up performing Christmas songs, leaving his shopping for the last minute I have no doubt." Kitty immediately lightened up and said, "Well, speaking of which, I had better get going. Meet you at the castle later, Perrito."
"See ya!" Perrito said, waving back cheerily as Kitty.
However, once Kitty was out of sight, Perrito sighed and hung his head, then he began to sing.
At the end of December, before New Years has begun
There's a special celebration
And it sounds quite fun
A jolly old fellow brings toys to everyone
On a holiday they call Christmas
Now I'm not gonna lie
It makes no sense to me
But here's what I have gathered
About this Christmas mystery
Perrito shoved his face in the snow and pulled it back out so that he had a big white beard made of snow.
Uno, dos, tres!
Santa is a furry freak
With epic magic powers
He flies to every human home
In under fourteen hours
He's a master burglar
A pro at picking locks
If you don't leave milk and cookies out
He will put coal in your socks
Perrito paused and looked down nervously at his "sweater." Then he shrugged and continued while hopping up and down in the snow.
If you act nicely through the night
And don't jump on your bed
Santa comes with sugar plums
And hurls them at your head
But if you're on his naughty list
He shoots missiles at your toes
He might roast your chestnuts
And send Jack Frost to nip your nose
Perrito shook off his beard and leapt through the snow like a graceful deer.
Rain, rain, rain, rain, rain!
Deer, deer, deer, deer, deer!
I don't know what Christmas is
But Christmastime is here!
Perrito dived into the snow and came back up with a pointy hat made of snow on his head.
He's compelled his creepy elves
To do his every wish
One sought to be a dentist
Now he's bunking with misfits
Mrs. Claus rules the North Pole
She plans her man's demise
She fattens her husband up real big
One day the elves will rise!
Perrito jumped up and fell flat on his back and attempted to make a snow angel.
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
This day is so weird!
I don't know what Christmas is
But Christmastime is here!
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho
This day is so weird
I don't know what Christmas is
But Christmastime is here!
Perrito stopped and sat up to look at a wooden standee depicting Rudolph.
What the heck's a turtle dove?
And who lit up that deer?
I don't know what Christmas is
But Christmastime is here!
I don't know what Christmas is
But Christmastime is here!
Perrito looked around aimlessly.
Or maybe it's there
Or it's somewhere
I don't know
Perrito sighed and hung his head, "I don't know. . ."
"You don't know what Christmas is?"
Perrito turned to see one of his newer friends approaching. It was Donkey, wearing a red scarf and a Santa hat.
"I mean, come on, you gotta be joking! How can you not know what Christmas is?" Donkey asked in disbelief.
Perrito smiled awkwardly and said, "Well, I've never really had a chance to celebrate it before."
"Say what? And those cats never even bothered to tell you about it?" Donkey said with an attitude.
"It's not like that!" Perrito said, "It's just. . .they both looked so busy being excited and stuff, so I figured I'd just follow along as they went. I mean, Christmas has been really fun and exciting so far. I just don't understand it. But I'm sure I will by tonight. . .or at least by tomorrow morning. . .or by tomorrow afternoon. . .or maybe-."
"You hold it right there, Little P!" Donkey said as he pointed a forehoof at him, "Because I'm gonna give you a crash course in Christmas right now. Now get along little doggie and jump up on your Uncle Donkey's back, because Christmas Eve is today, meaning we only got a couple hours for you to learn all there is to learn!"
Perrito perked up a great deal and said, "Oh wow! Okay then. Teach me everything you know!"
Donkey turned around, and Perrito jumped on his back. Then, the pair took off on their quest.