Judai's pov

The following morning was a rush to get everyone off to the werewolf village. Mom was ecstatic, clearly very excited to see the place wheee her sister had been growing up. Dad was just nervous about the whole thing, tho he knew it would be an experience that nobody was gonna predict how it would go.

Johan heard from his parents that accommodations have been made to house most of us. Jim's family would gladly take Aster and Chazz for the short stay while Stella was going to stay with Hassleberry.

Everyone else sends their wishes but their families were too big to come and enjoy this festive trip. "Mom you made sure the house stayed warm for Kuriboh right?" Kuriboh was a pretty independent cat but with the chill that was in the air I was worried the house wouldn't be cozy enough for the feline.

"Don't worry honey, I made sure to keep it warm in the house and I made sure not to close the attic like last time." Mom reassured me with a pat on my arm as we road in the back of Jehu's mini van. Jim and Hassleberry had the task of picking up Chazz Aster and Stella while Johan and his older brother picked up me and my family for the trip. It wasn't going to be a long ride but it would be tense. Mostly my thoughts have been a hurricane since Chazz broke the news to me after I regain consciousness.

"He told me never to tell anyone… I was the only one who found him, so i promised not to speak of it." Chazz's words echoed in my mind. He explained a lot of why Johan almost took his life, out of sheer despair at the thought that I was never going to wake up again, that our connection was fading away. I was moved by his words but it only hid the fact that I was partly furious.

I had no reason to be, me who barely remembers a semblance of our romantic connection but something stirred inside me… hurt? Anguish? Outrage? Something along those lines pulled at my heart and I felt tears try to burn their way out of my eyes but I refused to shed them here in this car ride. My parents didn't need to worry, but somehow I was going to talk to Johan about what happened. I don't know when but I would. The more emotions that swelled inside of me, the more a piercing ache dwelled inside my head.

It's like my emotions were trying to make me remember… the passion I felt for Johan, the love that stirred inside me and the deep connection we had between us, regardless of our ancestral lineage. I squeezed my arm tearing up a little wishing away these overpowering emotions for the time being.

My thoughts drowned out the chatter that filled the car as my parents shared their excitement with Johan and his brother who explained their traditions to my parents with joyous detail. I pretend to listen only to stare out the window so I could drown out the rush of emotions trying to drag my overwhelmed mind down.

"-dai! Judai!" My mother snapped her fingers in front of my face knocking me out of my thoughts and my daze as I look at her blinking my eyes rapidly. She wore a concerned expression but I could see excitement lingering in her eyes.

"Honey snap out of it, we're here!" That caught my attention heavily as I pushed open the door and immediately fell into a heavy snow bank. "Ack!" I yelped as the snow hit my face. I dig my arms through the snow and push my upper body out of it as I look up to see Johan chuckling at my situation.

"Are you okay?" He couldn't help by chuckle while he asked but he held out a hand to me regardless and assisted in me pulling myself to my feet. "The snow is sooo dense here!" I dug around in the snow where I fell and found my hat which was now covered in the thick icy mush so I just put it under my coat covered arm and save myself from getting a head cold.

Johan in one quick motion ripped his hat off of his own head and shoved it onto mine. "Huh..?" I look back at the teal haired male as he just smiled cutely which made me turn a little pink at his face. "Your being cheeky…" I murmured as he chuckles again taking my hand in his as Jim pulled the truck up behind us, Chazz climbing out of the inside of the vehicle as he takes one step and ends up waist deep in the snow.

"Holy flaming balls of fire!!! This is fucking cold!!!" Chazz yelps as he immediately started to shiver as Jim was quick to lift the scrawny thin male out of the snow. "Sorry about that mates. I had no idea they build the snow beds up this high." Jim gave assistance to Aster as Hassleberry had to have Stella climb on his back just to get out of the snow.

Aster gave his black haired lover a hug as he was still shivering. Jim lead the way for the two taking them off to his house before Chazz caught pneumonia. Jehu looked at his brother. "I got everything out of the car. Ready to set off towards the house?" Jehu had my dad's suitcase with one had while my mom's day bag was around his shoulder.

"T-that isn't necessary, Jehu…" my father started to speak as he raised a firm hand. "If my father caught me letting the guest bring their luggage through this weather up to the house, he'll make me sleep in the dog house." I couldn't tell if it was a pun or an actual occurrence so my father just smiled politely and wrapped his arm around my mom's waist as they followed Jehu in the direction of the house. I grabbed my bag off the ground when Johan slapped my hand, making me drop it.

"Oi…" I almost glared at him when he scooped it up threw it on his shoulder before taking me by the arm, looping them together as he steered me into following my parents.

"Not this time, Ju-Chan. You can bite my head off later." Johan's cheery voice sliced through my bitter nerves as I squeeze his arm.

I guess Johan could tell my thoughts were muddled by the way he said those words, it's as if he knew my mind wasn't in the Christmas season but stuck dwelling on something he wasn't aware of that I knew. Somehow I needed to talk to him about it, I wasn't sure how but I hope us having this talk wouldn't ruin Christmas for everyone.

We finally get to the house after what felt like ages of trudging through the crushed snow, I could see his parents standing on the door step with my Aunt Haori and cousin Haou waving.

"Hello there boys!" Aunt Haori chirped happily. She greeted both me and Johan as she gave the two of us a firm and warm hug. Haou's golden eyes looked between us a smile played on his face, I could tell something was different about him and it was the obvious fact that he had tied his short dark brown hair back into a semi small ponytail.

"What are you both doing here? I thought we were going to be heading to your house." I asked confusion lacing my voice. Johan's father startled me with a large hard grip on my shoulder. "We wanted all of you to stay with us for Christmas." I stared in confusion now at Jackov's words. So that meant both of our families were gonna be under the same roof for the next day and a half?

I could see the burning bridges flash before my very eyes, tho I said nothing as I just smiled awkwardly at his words.

"Don't worry, we set you boys up in the large guest room, while your parents and aunt will be staying in the boys room and jezzelbelle's room." Jackov led the way as Jehu had already disappeared inside the house dragging the luggage with him. I looked around the house and noticed it was a log style farm house, two story with two sets of stair case and a balcony that overlooked the foyer the living room was wide with a thick Christmas tree in the middle and a fire going further in the back. Two couches lined up the walls on either side and a tv hanged on the mantle above the fire.

"Whoa.. this place is…" I was at a loss for words as my parents headed up stairs. The stairs were wooden but covered in a nice carpet accent. It was red and decorated with golden flowers. The railing was covered in red and green garland with lights attached to it.

After climbing the stairs the hallways split into two with one going left and one going right. My parents were taken down to the left side where I assume Johan and Jehu's bedrooms were, my aunt down stairs with Johan's parents pour eggnog with my cousin following suit of me and Johan as he led me to the right side where the guest rooms were, I assumed.

To the right side there was a bathroom, a closet which Johan explained that's where all the extra blankets and pillows were. He pushed open the guest bedroom door and it was the largest bedroom I've ever seen. Inside were pairs of full size beds on either side of the room.

It was spacious and I couldn't believe I was going to be sharing a room with Johan his brother and my cousins for the next day and a half. My surprise was more out of shock than excitement or disbelief. But I knew I was going to enjoy it, once I got the load off my chest and talked to Johan about his apparent suicidal incident.

Tho I dreaded finding out mostly because I was scared to hear his reason, even tho Chazz explained it the best he could. "Johan can I…talk to you for a minute?"

Johan saw the apprehension on my face, I guess I wasn't very good with poker faces, or he could just read me very well. He reached a hand out towards me as I heard a shout from downstairs.

"Boys! Get down here and help me with making dinner!" I then realized it was Johan's mother who was screaming that. I sweated a little as I peeled my layers off until I just had my Christmas sweater on, which was under my thick wool jacket.

"I better get down there…" Johan sighed as he walked to the door but turned his head to look at me. "We'll talk soon okay?" He reached towards me for a second but I knew his face grew sad when I turned mine away from him.

"Ju-chan." I felt his warm embrace from behind mess his hands wrapped around the front of me squeezing my waist as he nuzzled my neck with his breath and nose.

"I don't want you feeling sad this Christmas… so I'll ignore my mother and be here with you so you can tell me what's wrong… you don't need to hide anything from me…" Johan's words stung at the end as I turned in his arms feeling the hurt and anger boiling in me again.

"You hid something from me… You didn't tell me the most important thing…! I'm supposed to be in love with you and you didn't tell me this!" My voice got louder by accident but everything was spilling over. Johan held me at arms length and looked into my eyes rubbing his warm hand against the side of my face, my red burning face that was full of emotion as tears leaked from my eyes.

"Judai… what did I not tell you?" Johan pleaded I knew he wanted to wipe all the sadness and anger from my face. He stroked my face as I held back a whimper as my eyes clouded over by tears as the words ripped themselves from my throat.

"Why…why did you try to kill yourself…?" It was like time froze for all of a minute. Our breathing and my quiet sobs were all you could hear in the room before Johan jerked me quickly into his arms.

I guess the emotional weight took its toll as the two of us also crashed on the floor, Johan's legs giving out as I could now hear the sobs wracking from his own body. He held me in his arms his grip not tight but there was no room for me to pull away to see his face or what it looked like.

"I….I...I'm so sorry…" Johan's voice was thick with emotion. "I was so weak… I thought you were never going to wake up…" Johan's grip loosened just enough for me to lift my head to see his face.

"Oh, Johan…" Johan's green eyes were filled with tears as they had heavy trails on his face, as if he was holding back his pain. True anguish was in his eyes as he tries to cover his face I cupped his cheeks in my hands. "Don't look away…" I begged him quietly my words low enough for only him to hear.

Johan's tears halted but I could see them still forming in his eyes as he looked at me. I got on my knees on either side of his legs and looked him straight in the eyes my own tears having halted but still stayed on my lashes.

"Johan… all the pain, all the sadness you had to endure… it's all valid, you don't need to feel horrible about feeling that way… you had no one… no one you could talk to about your agony… no one who would truly understand. I get it… I won't be angry with you for what you did… I'm just sorry I didn't wake up sooner so you wouldn't have done it in the first place…. So Johan, please… show me your weak side, the side you're afraid to show to everyone, because I will carry you! I will carry your burdens, I will carry your pain… so please… don't hide from me.." The words that spilt from my mouth were genuine. I truly meant them because I've had time to think that this love and this relationship is worth everything, even the stuff I'm just learning or relearning again, that it doesn't change anything.

Johan's tears leaked from his eyes again as he pulled me flush against him once more, my body basically ending up in his lap. I blushed a little but I ignored my initial reaction to see Johan tuck me under his jaw and against his chest as he cuddled me close to him. He buried his face into my hair, his sniffles loud and slightly congested as he breathed in my scent and held me close.

"You made my heart feel lighter, Judai… there are no words I can express to you right now, but just know I'm grateful and thankful to you.. I love and adore you so…" he nuzzled me as he held me tight in his arms. I blushed and relaxed into his arms as I pressed a kiss to his cheek.

In that same moment Haou knocked on the door and barged in. "Johan, your mom said for me to…" he saw us sitting on the floor nuzzling each other as we both froze and look up at my cousin as he ran back down stairs. "JOHAN AND JUDAI ARE NAKED!"

My face got red immediately as I jumped from Johan's lap to chase my cousin down the stairs.

"It's a LIE! HE's LYING! HAOU! Get back here so I can bury your dead body in the snow!!"

"OVER my dead body Jackass!"

"NO MURDER ON CHRISTMAS!!!"