Chapter Four

Year Four

"We both have shiny happy fits of rage

You want more fans, I want more stage

I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else but you"

-The Moldy Peaches

REMUS had awoken on the dirty floor of the Shrieking Shack, his head pounding. This was no different than all the other times; he would wake weak and bloodied in tattered clothing, his head throbbing and body aching. Most times he would roll over to vomit, the transformation back leaving him dizzy and sick. This morning was no different as he sat upon the floor, leaning against the footboard of the old bed. His head spun, Remus trying to swallow down the next wave of nausea that rolled through him. He inspected the rather large scratch that cut across his bare chest, blood dried and stuck to his sweater. Just another scar to add to the collection, he thought.

Pale morning light poured through the cracked windows, casting shadow across the dim room. Remus was thankful that the full moon had fallen on a Friday and that his absence would go unnoticed. His friends would be too preoccupied with quidditch to come see him, which meant that he could sleep as much as he could before returning to the castle.

He rubbed his face, head pounding. Madame Pomfrey would be there to check on him in a few hours, bringing with her clean clothes and blankets, healing potions and food. The house creaked, the sounds echoing through the decaying building. Remus could have sworn that the creaking sounded like footsteps, but thought better of it. The house was practically falling apart, and no one would be there for hours.

He leaned his head against the bed frame, mustering up the strength to drag himself up under the dusty covers. The strength didn't come, his sore muscles screaming at just the very thought of moving. He pulled what remained of his tattered blanket tighter around him, closing his eyes and resting his cheek against the foot of the bed. His thoughts strayed to new clothes and a hot breakfast as the chilled autumn air flooded through the shattered window.

The creaking returned, Remus's ears pricking up at the sound of footsteps. They continued, growing nearer as they came up the stairs. Pomfrey must have decided to come to him earlier than he'd anticipated, he thought.

"Madame Pomfrey?" he called out weakly, his voice hoarse and scratchy in his throat.

Madame Pomfrey didn't arrive with new clothes and food. Instead, Lenora appeared in the doorway. She was dressed in jeans and a sweater, curls pulled back neatly with a maroon kerchief. He attempted to cover himself, to hide his wounds from her. Panic set in when Remus saw her there. He had tried to hide this from her for so long. His friends had found out some time ago, but he had begged them not to tell Lenora. The boys had found his request odd, as the twin had been welcomed into their little group over the previous year. Yet, he couldn't stand the thought of her eyes widening the same way theirs had. She offered him a gentle smile, her eyes soft and filled with concern.

She raised the basket she carried, "I brought you breakfast," she said simply, as if she were meeting a friend for a picnic by the Black Lake. "How are you feeling?"

She sat beside him, Remus's heart racing as he watched her dust off the floor with a hand before sitting down. She wiped her dirty hand on the leg of her jeans. She knew, he thought. She knew and here she was, sitting beside him, her knee pressed against his.

"How did you find out?" He whispered.

She pulled a blanket out of the basket, tossing it around both of their shoulders. He was grateful for the warmth; he was always so cold the day after. The clean smell of her hair filled his nose as she scooted closer to him, drawing the blanket closer to herself.

"I got Sirius to tell me earlier this term. I started to suspect it sometime last year; after you told me you went to see your mum and came back with that new scar on your arm. He didn't want me to tell you I knew, so I didn't. James told me how to get past the Willow."

"How did you get Sirius to tell you?"

"I may have pulled his fingers back," she said with a cheeky grin, "I found that always got secrets out of him when we were younger. Some things never change I guess."

Her eyes fell to the gashes and bruises on his arms and chest through his tattered sweater, his skin crosshatched with white and pink scars. He became very aware of her eyes, shifting the blanket to attempt to better cover himself. He hated when anyone stared; he'd pretend to not notice, avoiding changing in front of his friends and rolling his sleeves in class. He felt like others were assessing what was wrong with him, what caused a boy to look so broken and ugly. But, Lenora's eyes didn't carry that judgment. Her eyes only carried warmth and concern and softness as she looked over the mess of pink and white and red etched into his skin. It didn't make him feel broken as he feared it would once she knew. In fact, it made him feel a little more whole.

"They put me out here so I can't hurt anyone when I change," he explained, watching as she looked over his skin with a tenderness that made him feel warm. "It means I'll hurt myself sometimes though. I don't even know I'm doing it. Better me than one of you, I guess."

"Do they hurt?" She touched a scar on his chest, her fingers warm against his bare skin as it traced the length of it.

"Not the old ones," he murmured. His skin tingled at her touch. "The new ones do. Pomfrey has some potions that help," he said, trying to reassure her with a forced smile. Her fingers brushed against an angry cut, Remus flinching.

She pulled her hand away and Remus felt a sinking feeling in his chest as her warmth pulled away. "Sorry," she murmured.

"It's alright. I'm used to it."

She grimaced, reaching up and touching his cheek. Remus sighed, inhaling her clean, floral scent, her hand warm against his cheek, "It's not alright if it hurts, Remmy."

He leaned into her touch, thankful for her presence in the desolate old house. Lenora's hand went to his hair, pushing his sweaty bangs out of his eyes. Remus noticed for the first time just how much blue there was in her silver eyes as they sat there together, Lenora looking up at him.

"When will they come get you and bring you back to the castle?"

He shrugged, the small movement a strain on his sore muscles. "Pomfrey usually doesn't come until the sun has been up for a few hours. She likes to let me sleep for a bit. It…" he trailed off, Lenora's blue-gray eyes still fixed on him with a quiet intensity, "It hurts too much to sleep this morning."

She nodded, sadness pooling in her concerned eyes. Not the pity he had seen in her twin's identical eyes so many times, but sadness. She sniffled, rubbing the tears that had started to pool away and looking down.

"What?" He asked.

"Nothing. I just don't like that you're hurting," she said softly.

His tongue felt a bit too heavy in his mouth at her words, unsure of what to say in response. Instead, he pointed at the basket in question. Her eyes flitted back to it. She slipped out of the blanket, taking with it her warmth.

Lenora removed a thermos from the basket, along with two patterned mugs he vaguely recognized as purchases she had made in Hogsmeade, one emblazoned with the Honeydukes logo. "Cocoa?" She asked, giving the thermos a gentle shake.

He nodded, "Only if I can use the Honeydukes mug."

She chuckled, Lenora filling the mug and holding the steaming cup out to him, Remus taking it gratefully. She crossed her legs, removing sausages and toast wrapped in napkins, along with several pastries, laying them out on the floor between him.

"Oh," she reached back into the basket, "I brought you this," she said, holding a chocolate bar out to him.

She smiled, Remus looking between the blue-foil wrapped chocolate bar and the girl across from him, "I thought it may help you feel better," she said, her voice soft.

Remus smiled, taking the chocolate bar and unwrapping in. He broke off a square, popping it into his mouth. He broke off another square, holding it out to her. Lenora accepted the offering, biting into the chocolate and sipping from her own mug of cocoa.

She gestured to the food between them, "Eat," she said, "You'll feel better."