In all the time she had been in England, in all the many hours of planning the wedding and in all the time she and Arizona had found to spend little moments together, the idea of being a wife was one that Callie still struggled with coming to terms with.
She had watched her own mother in the role of house manager, of parties and events on her father's arm. She had seen Lady Northampton in the role since she had been in England. The way she balanced her social engagements while being an advisor to her husband.
Yet the idea of being someone's wife still felt like it may swallow her whole.
Two days before the role would be hers, ready or not, she was sitting in the library with a book in her lap. Though the words on the page might as well be written in Greek. She couldn't focus on them in the slightest.
"Miss Calliope, you look splendid today," Arizona smiled as she walked into the library.
"Why thank you, Lord Robbins," Callie said. She shut the book without marking her page as she hadn't retained anything she had tried to read anyway.
"I was hoping that you might join me on a walk," Arizona asked with a hopeful smile.
"That sounds lovely," Callie set the book on the small table to the side of the sofa and stood.
Arizona offered Callie her arm as she did so often. Even in times that didn't require her to offer, she still did just to be closer. Callie slipped her hand around Arizona's arm and they started to walk together.
"I am surprised Mum has given you time to breathe with the wedding only two days off," Arizona chuckled as they headed outside.
"She and I spent the morning on the final preparations. She took pity on me after luncheon though," Callie explained.
Arizona let out a soft laugh at the idea Callie was set off like she herself had been a million times before. Her mother was very good at planning events though she was less skilled at taking input from others in the crunch of those plans coming together.
"I have planned events for my father for years but this is a level of formality I haven't experienced before," Callie said as they walked down a path around the gardens close to the manor.
"We English do have a level of pomp and circumstance to weddings that would be unknown to you Americans," Arizona said with a soft chuckle.
"You do," Callie agreed. "But I am doing what I can to learn. One day I will have to rise to that level in your name."
"In your time here, Miss Calliope, I have known you to be very adept at learning the ways of life here," Arizona said as she turned her head to take in Callie's profile. "I do not doubt a moment you will learn in no time at all."
"You truly believe so?" Callie asked as she turned her head to catch Arizona looking at her.
"I believe so truly, yes," Arizona said as she turned her head back forward once she was caught.
"Your aid has been invaluable. Between you and Lady Northampton I have learned so much. And Lexie has been a help too," Callie said as her eyes linger a moment on Arizona's profile before turning forward.
"I do have something very important to speak with you about," Arizona said in a faux serious voice. "The matter of our honeymoon."
"Oh?" Callie asked.
"I have made all the arrangements but if they are not agreeable I will amend them," Arizona said in preparation. "I thought we could spend a few nights at the London residence alone. Then take an ocean liner to New York for two weeks. In one of the letters between us you mentioned your fondness for the city."
Callie's eyes lit up at the idea of getting to go to New York again. She adores the city and the shops there. And to be able to do so with Arizona would be more dear to her than she could say. "I find those arrangements very agreeable. Very agreeable indeed."
"I was hoping so," Arizona smiled with her dimples popping. "I was also hoping you would agree on only bringing Lexie and Karev with us. Allow them a few days of freedom in London before they join us the night before we set sail. I do not want a large staff on such a delicate trip. And crossing the ocean we will have ship staff to aid us."
"I can cook some to take care of us in London," Callie offered. "I'm sure we will have meals out but for small things I would be happy to prepare some food for us."
"My father would be horrified at that," Arizona laughed. "I quite like it though. Sometimes to live simpler can be a wonderful thing."
"It is," Callie said with a warm smile. She looked over at Arizona as they walked down the gravel path together.
Arizona looked at Callie and stopped her walking. "I do hope to be a good husband to you, Miss Calliope. I hope that even if our father's agreed to this on our behalf, even if we consented, that our marriage will be a fond one. So few people are able to entertain joy in their marriage with titles and money hanging between them."
Callie turned a bit more toward Arizona as she spoke. There was an honesty in the way she did that caught Callie in between her ribs. It cut down to the bone and striped back any defenses she had when coming to England in the first place. "There are many things I am unsure about, Lord Robbins. But fondness between us is not one of them. Were we already man and wife. I would like to kiss you very much now."
"If we were already man and wife, Miss Calliope, I would like to do a fair bit more than share a kiss," Arizona said as she forgot herself a moment.
Callie tilted her head back in a booming laugh at the comment. "Me too."
"Come," Arizona said softly. "Let me walk us down to see the orchards, they are beautiful this time of year."
"I should like that," Callie said as they started walking again.
/ /
Mid morning on the day that she was to be married, Callie sat in her bedroom with Aria sitting on the end of the bed as Lexie worked to get her hair perfect for the wedding. She already has on her white dress with the lace that made her feel like a princess in one of the books she read as a young girl.
She tapped her fingers against her thigh as the minutes ticked past. She wished for a glass of something stronger than the tea in the cup in front of her on the table. Not because of Arizona herself, no. Lord Robbins had been nothing but kind and enjoyable. But still having a band on her left ring finger and the expectations that hung on her shoulders still made her heart race.
"Leave us a moment, Miss Grey," Aria said after Callie's hair was finally tamed. "I wish I could speak to my sister for a moment alone."
Callie looked at Aria's reflection in the mirror and tilted her head at what her sister would want to say to her.
"Yes ma'am," Lexie said before giving a slight curtsy and leaving the room, the door shutting behind her.
Callie reached for the cup of tea and took a sip of it before standing and turning to look at her older sister. Aria's dress was a soft green and her hair was pinned perfectly as she always managed.
"If your plan is to try to talk me out of this, you are too late," Callie said when Aria didn't say anything. "Lord Robbins and I will be married even if you do not approve of how Daddy has found me a husband."
Aria leaned back on her hands as she gave a simple shake of her head. "I do not wish to talk you out of your marriage, Callie," she said. "You and I are different people with different desires for our lives. I wish to travel, to do as I please with my life without our father's dictation, to forge a path not dictated by my sex. You have always wanted something different."
"Being a wife and a mother one day has always been my desire," Callie defended herself.
"And for you there is nothing wrong in it," Aria said as she stood. "For a long time I thought less of you for playing his game. For allowing yourself to be his pawn in securing a title for his daughter and his grandchildren but something has changed my mind."
"And what could have changed a mind as steadfast as yours?" Callie asked as she crossed her arms over her chest.
"You're happy," Aria said as she walked over to stand in front of Callie. "Lord Robbins, she makes you happy. I watch the two of you chatting away as you take your afternoon walks, I see the way you lean towards each other, I see the markings of love's sweet springtime in your eyes. This is a game our father played with your life but you are finding the sort of happiness that I have searched for in my rebellion."
Callie uncrossed her arms so she could pull her sister in for the type of hug they hadn't given each other in too long. Tight chest to chest with their cheeks pressed together. Hugs they gave each other as girls that had become longer and longer between as they grew older.
"She makes me happy, Aria," Callie whispered. "There will be duties to carry out, there will be moments of unpleasantness in our future I am sure of it. But I rather face that unpleasantness on her arm than some man I found myself who does not have her kind eyes and dimples."
Aria pulled back to look into Callie's eyes. "Before she passed, Mother gave me something." She walked back to the bed and picked up a small silk bag. Inside were a pair of simple gold silver and diamond earrings. "She said they were to wear on my wedding day so a bit of her would be there watching over me. I do not think I shall ever take a husband but you are today. I want you to have them and to pass them down to your daughter the way she wished to pass them to hers."
"Aria," Callie whispered as her hand lifted to her mouth as she felt her heart ache for their mother to be here with them as she saw the earrings in her sister's palm. "Are you most sure?"
"I am," Aria said with a nod. "Wear them well, little sister. And one day pass them to the next generation."
Callie turned and took the simple silver earrings out. She took her mother's earrings from Aria and put them in before turning. "How do they look?"
"They look well suited to you," Aria whispered. "More than they were ever suited to me."
Callie pulled Aria back in for a hug and pressed a soft kiss to her cheek. "Thank you for this, sister."
"I did have a car prepared if you want to run but I thought the earrings would be a better choice," Aria said with a wide smile.
"Much easier to give the earrings than the key to a car that will sit unused," Callie agreed with a deep laugh.
/ /
Arizona stood in her bedroom dressed for the wedding in her fine morning suit. The cut of it was perfect to make her look as close to a proper gent as possible. Her hair tied back in the knot at the top of her neck like usual. She looked at herself in the mirror as she was granted a few moments alone before she had to head to the wedding.
Her upcoming marriage was a far more joyful feeling than she had been prepared for weeks ago when Callie came to Hopkins Manor.
Yet as she moved to sit in a chair by the window she felt a heaviness in her chest for who wasn't here.
She missed her brother and yet if he were here she would be in a dress and her father would be talking about which eligible man she could be married to. Gone would be the freedom of movement she had since her legal transformation. Gone would be the freedom to take a wife and not a husband.
It was a hell of a feeling to miss someone who terribly and yet knowing that in their death you were granted freedom to live in a larger cage with more accepting accommodations.
Arizona looked to the door when she heard a knock.
"Come," she called as she moved to stand with her arms behind her.
Mark poked his head in before he stepped fully into the room and shut the door behind him. He was dressed in his own morning suit to match her as he would serve as her best man for the day.
"Robbins," he said with a wide smile. "Ready for your big day?"
Arizona gave him a pained smile as she nodded. "All of the preparations have been made and I walk forward to it with an open heart."
Mark tilted his head to the side like he always did when he was thinking. He wondered what had her smile so pained on such a happy day. "Are you quite well, Robbins?"
"How strange it feels to miss someone that if they were here would perhaps take my place in marriage to Miss Calliope," Arizona said as her explanation.
Mark nodded slowly. He and Arizona were cousins and had often spent time together over the years. But for the first twenty-one years of Arizona's life she held a different position as the daughter and not second son in Daniel's household. It was only in the last three years her position had so radically changed. He had aided where he could to teach her how to go from Lady Arizona to Lord Robbins but like so many things Arizona had done so much of it on her own.
"Timothy would be proud of all you've accomplished in the last four years," Mark said in an unusually soft voice for him.
"And yet I wish him here even if it would damn me to a smaller cage as some lord's wife," Arizona sighed as she sat down again. "How can I miss someone so acutely but breathe easier because the life I have now is so much improved with their passing?"
Mark walked over to the window on the other side of the room and looked over the grounds. There were tents set up for the reception luncheon they would have after the wedding. Staff moving here and there to make sure it was perfect.
"He and I spoke sometimes of lives outside of the titles passed to us from our father's," Mark said as he turned back to face her. "He spoke often of the Army and how he wished to join it and be not his father's son and have a title pass but of earning his own rank apart from him. He wanted this life very little."
"Timothy was always so perfect in his actions as our father's heir," Arizona said as she looked up at Mark with a serious look on his face. It was one she knew he didn't take on often.
"He pretended well," Mark said with a sad smile. "He was always sure that in his absence that you would be a better Lord Robbins and Lord Northampton after your father was gone than he would ever hope to be. Your brother didn't want to land or the title or the duty on his shoulders. I believe his joining the Army for the Boer War was his way of trying to give you both the lives you were meant for.."
"And a world that took him from us at just twenty-three," Arizona whispered as she looked down at her hands.
"He knew the risks," Mark sighed. "And he went anyway. Because it was the first chance he had to do something not dictated by your father or his station alone. Be sad he is gone but do not be sad he got a few months of his dream."
Arizona used the side of hand to wipe at her eyes as she stood. "When my father submitted the paperwork to turn me into his heir and son, I felt as I do now. A wonderful and terrible relief all at once."
"No one wants their favorite person to die, Arizona. It is not a slight against him to be thankful for your current role. And not a damning of your current life to miss him," Mark pointed out as he opened his arms.
Arizona stepped forward and gave him a hug like she would when she was a much younger person. It was not becoming of a lord to go around hugging those around them, even cousins, but for a moment she forgot what was proper and took the comfort she needed today.
"Thank you," Arizona said against his chest.
"It is my duty as your best man to offer counsel to you on your wedding day," Mark said as his arms held tight around her. "And for the wedding night if you need."
Arizona hit him lightly in the side as she stepped back from him. "I do not need council for my wedding night, thank you."
Mark offered her a smile again. "Very well, Robbins." He pulled a flask from his inner jacket pocket. "Take a drink and then we must go."
Arizona uncapped the flask before taking a hearty drink from it. She passed it to him to drink from before it was tucked back away.
"Ready?" Mark asked.
"I am," Arizona said as she tugged at both her sleeves. "As I ever will be."
/ /
If Arizona was brought before a count of law and asked to give the details of her wedding she would be hard pressed to give them.
She could however give great details of how beautiful the new Lady Robbins looked. How her heart fluttered in her chest as Callie walked on her father's arm down the aisle, how giving her a kiss once they were out of the church made her feel more like a man than anything written on legal documents.
After the reception, Callie and Arizona both made their way upstairs at Hopkins Manor to change into the clothes they would wear on the train to London. Callie had privately asked Karev and Lexie to go up with them not to raise any questions but to leave them alone so they could have a moment of privacy together. While they both had many layers that needed off and new layers to put on, this task she wanted to take on just the two of them.
"I can't remember the last time I got dressed without a man in the room," Arizona said as she shut the door to the bedroom that was now their bedroom.
Callie reached up to carefully take the pins out of her hair and shake it free once she was over to the makeup desk. "Would you rather Karev undress you than your new bride?" She challenged me.
"I didn't say that," Arizona laughed softly as she watched Callie take her hair down. It curled slightly around her face as she looked at the reflection in the mirror. "I am glad to have your hands undo my buttons this evening and any other you so desire."
Callie turned when her hair was down and gave a smile to Arizona. She crossed the room to Arizona where she stood by the bed. She pushed the jacket down her shoulders and undid the waist coat buttons one after another. Once the jacket and waistcoat were off and laying on the bed, she started to undo the buttons of Arizona's shirt after her cravat was off.
"While the legalities of my form have been changed, my physical form has not changed," Arizona said softly as her eyes shut.
"Your physical form is one I will endeavor to know as well as any wife knows her husband's form," Callie promised as she pushed the shirt off of Arizona's shoulders and tossed it on the bed. She started to unwrap the binding around Arizona's breasts. It wasn't overly tight but it did flatten her in a way that made the suit wear better.
Arizona gave a soft grunt at the feeling of her chest free from the binding. She and Karev had worked over the last several years to handle it in a way that wasn't painful or restricting but presented her in a way that made her feel more comfortable in her role.
Callie knew words were not going to do much to assure Arizona at the moment so she offered none. She leaned in and pressed soft kisses to the skin instead.
"I'll have to put that back on again," Arizona said as her hands were up to press to the back of Callie's head. Her fingers sank into her dark locks as she felt Callie keep peppering the kisses to her skin.
"I want to learn how to dress you from nothing," Callie said as she lifted her head to nuzzle against Arizona's neck. "Binding and all. While Karev will dress you day to day, I still feel as though I should know how to do it."
"I wish to never deny you of something that can be granted so simply," Arizona replied as she played with Callie's hair while she kept nuzzling against her neck.
"Then don't," Callie said before she pulled back to press a soft kiss to her lips.
"Carry on, Lady Robbins," Arizona smiled back with her dimples popping out.
Callie moved down to untie Arizona's shoes and then pull down her socks. Once they were off and set to the snide she looked up at Arizona and started to undo her pants. She tugged them down her hips to find a simple pair of white underwear under them.
"May I?" Callie asked.
"You may," Arizona nodded.
Callie tugged them off and then let Arizona use her shoulder as she lifted one foot and then the other. She tossed them on the bed before turning back and looking at the nude form to her husband.
"You are a beautiful lord," Callie said before she leaned in to press feather light kisses over the front of Arizona's thighs. "And when we reach London I look forward to this process again with a bottle of sweet wine opened for us to enjoy together."
Arizona closed her eyes again and reached to run her hand through Callie's hair again. She had the fleeting thought of locking the door and keeping Callie here. Damn the train tickets they had to get to London. Damn the family downstairs to see her off. But she knew she couldn't do that.
"Redress me before I forget myself and give in to wicked desires," Arizona said in a low voice with a slight whine.
"The desires aren't wicked when they are towards your wife," Callie said before pressing a kiss just below Arizona's belly button. She stood and started the process of redressing Arizona.
As layer after layer went back on, Arizona felt her walls lift again as she went from Arizona back to Lord Robbins in her suit. When Callie finished with her tie she reached for her own jacket to put on. The suit was a rich brown that Arizona thought matched Callie's eyes.
"Thank you, Lady Robbins," Arizona said as she leaned up to press a soft kiss to her wife's lips.
"Always, Lord Robbins," Callie said with a smile in return.
Arizona moved behind her wife to start to undo the dozen or so buttons on the back of her dress. With each button she undid she pressed a soft kiss to the newly exposed skin. She wanted to try and repay some of the intimacy that Callie had granted her in the undressing process.
Callie let out a soft gasp at how good the simple gesture felt. She had never had someone press kisses to her back and felt as though she would grow to request Arizona undress her at night if she would do this each time.
"Did I hurt you?" Arizona asked when she heard the gasp.
"On the contrary," Callie said with a slightly lower pitched voice. "I believe I now understand the wicked thoughts."
"You said they weren't wicked if they were between us now," Arizona teased slightly as she finished the last button.
"I stand corrected," Callie said as she felt the dress pushed forward from her shoulders.
Arizona took care to untie Callie's stockings one by one and peel them down her legs. She removed her undergarments bit by bit from behind. She worried that seeing Callie from the front now would damn her too many wonderful images on the train ride down to London.
Callie allowed Arizona to stand behind her as she helped her redress. She felt her breath come a bit quicker as they worked as a team to dress her in a dark blue dress that she picked out for the journey.
Finally she turned when Arizona buttoned up the back of her dress. Her arms looped around Arizona's neck and she leaned in for a not so simple kiss. She felt her tongue side against Arizona's and tugged her in to keep the kiss from being broken.
But after a few moments Arizona did break the kiss.
"Let me help you with your hair? If we delay much longer we might miss our train," Arizona said as she lifted her hand up to stroke her thumb to Callie's lips.
"Alright," Callie leaned in for a final soft kiss before walking back to the makeup table.
Arizona managed to remember enough for having the fashionable styles to help Callie put her hair back up and pin it. She was glad for the simple knot she wore after twisting and manipulating Callie's thick hair into place.
Soon the couple stood at the top of the stairs with the family and guests cheering as they walked down the stairs.
"We worried you may miss your train," Barbara said in a whisper as she leaned in to kiss Callie's cheek.
"We will make the train," Callie said as she ducked her head slightly.
"The car is packed and ready for you," Daniel said as he shook Arizona's hand.
"Thank you, sir," Arizona said as she returned the firm handshake.
"Arizona dear, we expect telegrams when you two are on your voyages, understood?" Barbara said with a warm smile.
"Yes ma'am," Arizona gave her mother a smile. "I promise."
"Lord Robbins," Carlos said with his stern look. "Take care of my Calliope."
"Of course sir," Arizona said as her smile was replaced with a look of determination.
"Daddy, I promise to write," Callie said as she gave him a tight hug.
Arizona turned to Callie as her bouquet from the wedding was handed back to her. "It's bad luck if you don't throw it before we leave," she said with a smile.
"We wouldn't want to start our marriage off with bad luck," Callie smiled as all the single women moved in the middle of the room so Callie could throw it.
As she turned back around once she threw it, she saw Lexie Grey holding it. "Looks like you will be next," she said with a soft chuckle.
"Yes, My Lady," Lexie said with a blush.
"The car is waiting on you," Mark said with a grin as the happy couple joined hands. "Best get to it before you really miss your train. "Karev is waiting."
"Ready, Lady Robbins?" Arizona asked as she squeezed her hand.
"I am, Lord Robbins," Callie smiled back.