Chapter Six

Year Six

"Oh I'm in pieces, it's tearing me up, but I know

A heart that's broke is a heart that's been loved"

-Ed Sheeran

LYALL Lupin circled the car park of King's Cross for a third time, cursing under his breath. Remus barely looked up from his book to look at his dad, smirking at his father's umpteenth outburst during the nearly two hour drive from Ilford. His dad, usually quiet and mild mannered, had a horrendous temper when he drove. Both Remus and his mum would roll their eyes and tease him for it; everyone else drove far too slow, or far too fast, or knew too little away the laws of the road. As much as he feigned annoyance every time he got in the car with his parents, he was appreciative that his dad still drove even though he easily could have apparated himself and Remus to the station. This way, his mum got to come see him off. Some of his best memories with his parents were spent in the backseat of the small sedan with his knees pushed a bit too close to his chest, all three of them laughing over shared stories or when Lyall would honk and curse out another driver.

"And you're absolutely positive that you want to go back today?" Hope Lupin asked her son, turning in her seat to face him. She reached out, squeezing his knee.

Remus offered the brunette a half-smile, having had this same conversation nearly a dozen times with his mum over the past two weeks. The looming date on the calendar had heightened her concern, the circled number and small 'FM' in the corner of the box only three days after the start of term the source of her worry.

"I'll be fine, mum," he reassured her. Lyall cursed under his breath when a car pulled into the only open spot, starting his fourth loop around the parking lot.

"Good lord," Lyall grumbled, "You'd think every damned muggle in London was here. Help me look, Lupins."

Remus turned his eyes to the window, watching for an open spot in the bustling car park. Travelers bustled about, Remus recognizing most as his classmates and their families as they wheeled trolleys into the station, muggles mixed into the crowd with suitcases and backpacks. A flash of familiar black curls made him sit up a bit straighter, peering through the crowd.

Lenora strode down the sidewalk, pushing her trolley ahead of her. She was alone, her brother now living with James and Walburga too sick or of too little of care to bring her to the platform. He watched her walk, curls bouncing with each step, the short orange skirt she wore crawling up her sun kissed thighs.

"Can you stop, dad?" Remus blurted, Lyall pressing the breaks, "I see one of my friends."

"You're in luck, there's a spot here," his father said, turning into the narrow parking spot.

Remus jumped out of the car before it was fully parked. His parents shared a surprised sidelong glance at his jumpiness, Hope shrugging as she undid her safety belt and stepped out of the car. Lyall joined her, stepping out of the car and stretching with a groan.

Remus brought his fingers to his mouth and whistled sharply. "Oi!" He called, waving his arms, "Len!"

Lenora looked up at the noise, her brows scrunched as she looked around the busy lot. Her eyes fell on Remus after a moment, who waved her over. She waved back excitedly, wheeling her cart over to him, guitar case balanced atop her trunk. She had picked up the instrument last summer, much to her mother's dismay. She had quickly taught herself to play, the boys giving her different songs to learn and play for them. Remus noticed the Y Ddraig Goch sticker he had sent her in one of his owls stuck to her case as she approached. She smiled brightly, throwing her arms around his neck and pulling him into a tight hug, "It's so good to see you, Remmy!"

"Remmy?" he heard his dad mutter to his mum behind him, his cheeks burning. He pulled out of Lenora's hug far sooner than he had wanted to, turning to his parents.

"Mum, dad, this is-,"

"I assume this is Lenora," his mum said, smiling at the young girl. "We have so much about you."

Lenora turned to his parents, holding out her hand and returning the woman's smile, "Likewise, Mrs. Lupin. It's lovely to finally meet you. Remus speaks so highly of the both of you."

She shook his mother's hand, turning to his father. Lyall glanced at his son, smirking and darting his eyes in question at the girl. Remus avoided his eyes. "Mr. Lupin, it's an honor to meet you. We have learned all about your work with the Ministry at school."

Lenora chatted with his father, Remus watching as she engaged his father in conversation. Hope leaned over to her son, murmuring, "Mae hi'n bert iawn."

Remus ears burned, "Ma," he groaned, "Stopiwch."

"We were going to grab a cup of coffee before heading to the platform," Hope said, turning her attention from her son to the girl, "Would you care to join us, Lenora?"

"That sounds lovely," Lenora replied brightly. She reached for the handle of her trolley to follow behind the family, but Lyall grunted disapprovingly as he finished locking the car.

"Ah," he pointed to her trunk with his key, "Remus will handle that."

"Oh really, Mr. Lupin, I can manage it."

Lyall raised an eyebrow at his son, ignoring Lenora's polite protest as he dropped the key in his wife's purse. "I'll manage your cart. Be a gentleman."

Remus took Lenora's trolley, muttering out a 'yes, sir'. Lenora smiled appreciatively, the two walking beside one another into the station. They made their way through the busy station to the small cafe, Remus's parents following behind them. Hope and Lyall watched Remus and Lenora talk, their son helping Lenora count out her muggle money as she got closer to the counter.

"I'm hopeless with muggle money," she explained, Remus holding her hand in his own to steady her as he counted out coins and bills, explaining the conversions to her calmly.

They watched Remus tilt his head towards hers, saying something to make the girl erupt into a fit of giggles, recognizing the look written all over their son's face.

Hope took her husband's arm, "Rwy'n meddwl bod ein bachgen bach mewn cariad, onid ydych chi?"

Lyall chuckled in response and patted her hand. They sat together at a small table in the station cafe, Lenora chatting happily with his parents as they sipped their coffees. Remus leaned against the table and watched her with a contented smirk as she made his dad laugh. He liked the easy way she interacted with his parents; how quickly she fit in with the three of them. It was as if she were a piece that had been missing, suddenly clicking into place like she was supposed to be there.

Hope kicked her son under the table, pulling Remus from his thoughts. She tilted her head towards Lenora with an approving smile. Remus rolled his eyes at his mum and dropped his eyes, hoping to hide his blush.

"You two should be going," Hope said, glancing at her watch, "Train leaves in 15 minutes."

They arrived at the platform several minutes later, Remus and Lyall passing off the trolleys to the conductors to be loaded. Hope pulled Lenora into a tight hug, whispering something to the girl that made her blush and smile as she hugged the woman back.

"It was lovely to meet you both," Lenora said, shaking Lyall's hand again. She boarded the train, leaving Remus to say goodbye to his parents. He hugged his mum, Hope smiling when he pulled back, gripping his shoulders. "Rwy'n ei hoffi hi," she said happily, patting his cheek.

Ma," he groaned, "Dim ond fy ffrind yw hi."

Hope raised her eyebrows and let out a disbelieving hum, kissing him on the cheek. Remus gave her another tight squeeze and turned to hug his dad before following Lenora onto the train.

Lenora gently swung her guitar case beside her, checking through compartment doors for her brother and friends as she and Remus weaved through the crowded train. Remus noticed two fifth years walking up the aisle, Lenora oblivious to them approaching as she peaked in another doorway, standing in their path.

Remus reached out, placing a hand on her waist and gently pulling her to the side. Lenora tensed when his large hand touched her waist, long fingers curling around the curve of her hip. Her stomach flipped at his touch, her skin tingling when his fingers lingered for a moment before he pulled his hand away. She looked up, expecting Remus to look away like he did every time he touched her, but his eyes stayed on hers. She didn't recognize the way he looked at her, but she quite liked it.

It was her turn to drop her eyes now, chewing her lip as she continued on through the narrow walkway. "I like your parents," she said, fiddling with the buckles on her case. Remus kept her pace beside her, both looking through the windows of the compartment doors.

Remus chuckled, shoving his hands in his pockets. He hoped that by containing them that he could prevent himself from touching the curve of her hip again. "Yeah, they can be a bit embarrassing at times. They're pretty great, though."

"They seem to really love each other," Lenora commented, "and you."

"They do."

"I wish my parents got along like that," she scoffed, "They hate one another."

Remus nodded, recalling the conversations they had about her and Sirius's absolutely fucked up family. It was no wonder Sirius had gotten out that summer, forfeiting his inheritance and going on to live with the Potters. Remus had seen the scars on his back from being 'disciplined', as Walburga Black so lovingly put it. He wondered if similar scars decorated her back like her twin's.

He didn't understand why she wouldn't leave, too. With Sirius out of that damned house he was sure that Lenora was getting the brunt of her mother's rage. She would never outwardly admit it; even after all these years Lenora tried to upkeep the prim, ladylike image her mother forced upon her. The princess of House Black. But Remus noticed just how much shakier her looping cursive became in each letter as the summer dragged on. He noticed at school how quickly she changed the subject each time her parents were mentioned, how she would pick and bite at her nails. He noticed the protective way she doted over Regulus and Sirius both even though her brothers didn't speak. The stiff, nervous way she spoke and moved about before Christmas and summer break when others counted down the days excitedly. She easily could have gone to the Potters as well, Fleamont and Euphemia had always been fond of her. Remus doubted his mum would mind having another girl around the house. Nor would he.

She had called him from a payphone the night Sirius left, letting the curtain slip for the first time. He heard the panic in her shaky breathing when he had answered the phone; the gasping, terrified breaths she had taken to try and calm herself down enough to speak. He had felt so much panic of his own as he sat at his parents' kitchen table, landline pressed to his ear as he demanded to know what had happened, his dad hovering in the kitchen doorway.

"Just talk to me." She had said.

"What the fuck is going on? Where are you; I'll come get you-."

"Just talk to me," was all she said, her voice a whisper.

"About what?"

"Anything."

And so he did. He told her stories about his summer; about helping his mum in the garden, the sunburn he had gotten on the back of his neck that peeled for days. Of the books he had read and wanted to show her when they got back to school. Of the David Bowie album he had purchased at the record shop in their village and the songs he thought she would like. The dent he had put in his dad's car when Hope had attempted to teach him to drive. Lenora had laughed; a wet giggle followed by sniffles. He had stayed on the phone with her until she whispered that she had to go, followed by something else that he wasn't sure he had heard correctly, and hung up abruptly.

That phone call had haunted him all summer. He had worried about her, hearing that panicked voice every time he closed his eyes. He should have gone to get her; gotten her out of that rotten house and taken her to his parents'. Given her a decent summer with parents who cared for one another and didn't leave scars down their childrens' backs.

"Why did they get married then?" he asked, peering into another compartment, startling two fourth years who had been engaged in a rather intense round of snogging.

"It was an arranged marriage," she said with a shrug, "Everyone in our family has had one. My parents did, their parents did; Sirius would have had one if he had stayed in the family and eventually, Regulus and I will have one too."

She grimaced, her lips tight and usually bright eyes darkening. The words hung heavy between the two. Remus attempted to wrap his head around the idea of something so…medieval. She had said it so plainly, as if reading a line from the Prophet, but a shadow of disgust crept across her lovely features.

"Is that what you want?" Remus asked, watching as she bounded ahead, grinning as she peaked into another compartment, finding that this one contained their friends.

She turned to look at Remus, raising an eyebrow incredulously at his question. She chuckled, her hand resting on the door handle, "Of course not! Would you?"

Remus shook his head, chuckling at how silly his question seemed. "No, I don't suppose I would. Do you even want to get married?"

Lenora paused, chewing her lip in thought, her hand still on the handle. She took a moment to consider his question, crossing one booted leg over the other. He looked over her in the artificial lighting of the train, her hair falling over her shoulder, the smattering of freckles that she got every summer dusting her pointed nose. He twisted his hands in his pockets, his eyes falling upon her hips again, remembering the way his hand had fit on her for that short moment.

"I do," she said after a moment, "But I want to marry someone I love. Who I choose. Not someone they pick for me."

Remus nodded as she opened the door, tilting her head towards their friends, "Come on," she said softly, "Let's sit before the train starts moving."

Remus followed her into the compartment, Sirius, James and Peter greeting them loudly. Lenora took her seat beside Sirius, throwing her arms around her brother's neck and hugging him tightly. Remus sat across from her, James clapping him on the back and greeting him when he sat. Lenora laughed at something her brother said, tilting her head back in the loud, barking laugh she and her twin shared. The kind of laugh that made her eyes pinch shut and smile so wide that she bared all of her teeth and clutched her chest. She had once told Remus that she hated her laugh. He didn't tell her that it was his most favorite sound.

She caught his eye, smiling at him. He returned her smile, turning to listen as everyone exchanged stories about their summer.

Yet, he continued to steal sidelong glances at her the entire journey. He watched her sit; guitar in her lap as she talked with her friends, graceful fingers strumming the chords to the songs they all knew, her pink painted lips stretched into that beautiful smile he hadn't been able to tear his eyes from for years.

He wondered what kind of man Lenora Black would choose; and if a tall boy with scars would even be considered for that choice.

Lenora followed Professor Slughorn up the stairs to the Gryffindor common room, pulling her bathrobe closer to body. She wasn't entirely sure why she had been summoned from her dormitory at eleven at night, nor why the potions master wouldn't tell her why. He had only told her that Professor McGonagall had summoned her. Lenora's stomach had been in a tight knot the entire walk, convinced that the old witch had found out that it was her that had been responsible for all of the urinals in the boy's lavatories suddenly learning to sing Freddie Mercury songs, and not Sirius like he had admitted to. She followed closely behind him, Slughorn waving his hand and the Fat Lady's portrait swinging open.

However, the sight she found in the common room was not the one she had anticipated. Sirius, James, and Peter sat on the sofa by the fireplace, McGonagall standing behind them. The three boys were silent, heads hung and hands clasped in their laps. Sirius looked up at her, a woeful look on his face. It was all so peculiar; their uncharacteristic silence, the crestfallen expressions that marred their usually vibrant and laughing faces. What struck her the most was the absence of their fourth on the sofa, Lenora's stomach dropping. She looked around the room, feeling panic rise in her as her breathing quickened.

"Where's Remus?" she demanded, McGonagall turning to speak quietly with Slughorn.

None of the boys answered her question, Lenora's stomach twisting again. "Where is he? Is he alright?"

Sirius stood, putting a calming hand on her arm. "He's fine, Nora," he said quietly, identical eyes meeting, "It's… his dad came earlier this evening… his mum is…"

Sirius trailed off, rubbing his face with a ringed hand. "He hasn't wanted to see any of us. We thought… We told McGonagall that he might talk with you."

Lenora's heart sank at her brother's words. She nodded, taking the hand that rested on her shoulder and giving it a squeeze. She examined the large silver rings he wore on each finger, scrunching her nose, "It's nearly midnight. Could you have any more jewelry on?"

Sirius rolled his eyes, "It's nearly midnight. Could you be any less of a judgemental bitch?"

"Go to hell."

"Love you too."

She hugged her brother tightly, Sirius patting her back as she turned to McGonagall. McGonagall led her up the winding staircase to the boy's dormitory, squeezing her shoulder when she left her at the boys' door. Lenora sighed, knocking lightly against the door.

"Go away."

His voice was quiet and husky as he called out from the empty room. Lenora drew her wand, flicking it at the door handle and pushing it open gently. She saw him seated in the windowsill, dressed in his pajamas. His knees were drawn to his chest, skinny arms hugging them to his chest as he stared out the window at the dark skies. "Remus?"

"I said I didn't want to see anyone," he croaked, his voice low and hoarse, "Besides, you're not allowed to be up here."

"McGonagall made an exception," she said, lingering in the doorway, "I wanted to check on you."

He was quiet for a good long while. Lenora stepped into the room, shutting the door quietly behind her. She stood, back pressed to the door, her hands folded uncomfortably in front of her. He remained in the window seat, staring out into the inky blackness of the night, the moon hung low over the lake. Lenora felt the need to go to him, to gather him in her arms and hold him. But, she stayed at the door, remembering how little he liked to be touched and fretted over, silent.

Remus sniffled, his voice a scratchy whisper. "I didn't even know she was sick again. Not until Dad came today. Why wouldn't she tell me?"

Lenora stood quietly, unsure if the question was in fact for her. She crossed the room to him, perching herself on the window seat by his feet. She only sat silent, keeping her eyes upon him. He kept his fixed upon the skies, hugging his knees to his chest as he sniffled. Lenora reached out, resting a hand on his shin.

"Dad said she didn't want me to know," he murmured, picking at the thinning knee of his pajama pants, "She didn't want to distract me from my studies, I guess. Nor did she want to add to my burden."

He stood up, pacing the room. Lenora watched him wander back and forth, rubbing his face with his hands, his body shaking. Lenora leaned towards him, "Remus…"

"I am just so sick of it, Lenora! I am so sick of what… I am. Of how it pushes everyone away. Fuck, my own mom couldn't even tell me that she was dying because I'm a fucking monster!"

He kicked his truck, the loud rattling sound making Lenora jump. She watched, still, as he shouted, kicking the trunk over and over with his socked foot.

"She shouldn't be the one who's dead! It should be me! Everyone would be better off for it if I were fucking dead!" He kicked his trunk a final time, Lenora wincing at the sickening crunch of breaking toes. He didn't even flinch, instead standing and shaking as he panted out ragged breaths. He leaned against one of the posts of his bed, head hung. "It should be me," he whispered.

"Don't say that! That's a horrible thing to say, Remmy," she cried, eyes wide with concern as she watched him support himself against the bed frame, body tense and shaking.

"It's true."

She stepped towards him, placing a gentle hand on his back, expecting this to pull away. Yet, he stayed there, still shaking with ragged breaths under her touch.

"It's not," she murmured, "None of us would be better off if you were gone, Remus." She chewed her lip, "I certainly wouldn't be."

A moment passed before Remus turned to face her, finally allowing her to see his face. He kept his eyes on the floor, filled with dread, anguish, and heartbreak. She took his face in her hands, lifting his chin to look at her. His cheeks were slick with tears, eyes red and uncomfortably puffy. Lenora ran the pads of her thumbs against his cheeks, using the back of one hand to brush the tears from his face. She stepped closer, taking his face in both hands again, saying nothing as she quietly caught his tears. Remus's lip quivered, a pained sob escaping his lips. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to him, and buried his face in her neck in noisy sobs. Lenora wrapped her arms around him tightly, stroking his hair and murmuring comforting words to him, his tears soaking through the shoulder of her sweater.

"Come on," she whispered, "Let's get you to bed."

He allowed her to lead him to his bed, Lenora drawing the covers back, her hand pressed to his back. He slipped in and turned away from her, his body still shaking with sobs as she drew the thick quilt and knit striped blanket over him, tucking him in, and perched herself on the edge of the bed. She stroked his hair. "It's alright, Remmy," she murmured, her hand traveling to his back, rubbing slow, comforting circles through his tee shirt.

"I want my mum back."

"I know," she murmured, rubbing his back, "I am so sorry, Remmy."

They stayed that way for some time, Lenora rubbing his back until the sobs grew farther apart, his breath growing even. Lenora pushed herself up onto her knees, reaching across him to turn off the lamp on the bedside table. She paused as she pulled herself back over him, pushing his bangs out of his face. She smoothed the errant hairs back, running her fingers through his honeyed waves before pressing a kiss to the top of it. She slipped off of the bed quietly, careful not to disturb him.

"Len?"

She stopped when she heard his whisper cut through the silent room. "Yes?'

"Will you…" he sniffled, "Will you stay with me?"

She didn't hesitate at the request, kicking off her slippers under his bed. She drew his covers back, slipping into the bed beside him. She sat beside him, leaning against the headboard. She looked over at him beside him, suddenly very aware of the fact that she has never been in a boy's bed before, other than Sirius's and Reg's when they were younger. She reached out to rub Remus's back again, tracing slow, gentle patterns across his back. Remus hiccuped another sob and turned over, burying his face in her robe. His body shook as he cried, Remus wrapping his arms around her middle. Lenora rested one hand on his back, running the other through his hair. She held him, whispering comforting words to him in the dark room as he cried. Her heart ached for him; her beautiful, broken boy. How beautiful it must have been to love a mother so deeply.

Sometime later, the dormitory door creaked open. James poked his head in, glancing around the dark, quiet room. He waved Peter and Sirius in when he heard Remus's snoring, deeming it safe for them to enter without waking him. Peter slipped into his bed without a word, Sirius and James lingering at the door.

"I didn't see Nora leave," Sirius whispered, "Did you?"

James' eyes fell upon Remus's bed, patting his friend's shoulder and pointing, "I don't think she did."

Both boys' eyes fell upon his bed, finding Lenora and Remus both asleep. Lenora laid beside him, her hair spilling across Remus's chest like spilled ink, her head resting upon his chest as she slept. Remus's arm was wrapped around her thin waist, holding her to him, their fingers intertwined as he snored.