He toys with the titanium for a while as he listens to the water running in the room just in front of him. It's twisted clockwise and then back when his eyes return to stare at his left hand. He tells himself that he has to do this - that he has to take off his ring for her. The metal is a symbol of their love - their commitment to each other, and he's about to take it off. To protect her from himself, his demons, and his new colleagues. He wouldn't be able to live with it if the mess he got himself into put her in harms way. His eyes water, and his heart grows heavier as he thinks of last night and the way she was from the moment she walked through their front door. Her lips formed an adorable pout in disbelief when he said he was fine and refused to delve into how he was feeling. He remembers the way her eyes sparkled and her excitement shined through as she spoke to him about her potential, impending promotion despite her attempting to play it down to him after he finally managed to change the subject. A sad smile comes to his face as he envisions the way her dimples deepened when he said how proud he was of her and how he much he loved her as they walked to the couch and made love for what he realizes now could be the very last time. His tears fall as he slowly slides the wedding band off and wiggles his fingers. It's only been six months since they got married, but it already feels foreign to be without the ring on his finger, so much so that it almost has him putting it back on. But with significant restraint, he sets it down and covers it with the note he wrote her. He whispers an apology to her even though he knows she can't hear it as he looks at the bathroom door once more and then scans their room before walking out - leaving his heart - his whole world behind.
The nagging inside him only gets worse as he drives to his new place. He looks at the building and compares it to the one he just left. It's smaller, and run down, it's cheap and just looking at the outside shows why. He turns off the engine and throws himself back against the seat. Everything in him is telling him to turn back - to tell his wife the truth and beg her for forgiveness now rather than whenever this thing he's gotten into runs it's course. He's just about to move the key in the ignition to turn the car back on, but stops when someone opens the passenger door and sits down next to him.
"Hey, uh...you going somewhere?" Mouse asks and Jay takes a minute to respond. He just shakes his head and hesitantly takes the keys out of the ignition and puts them in his pocket.
It smells like stale cigarettes and mildew as they walk through the main door of the apartment building. The paint is chipping off the walls, the flooring is warped and some of the lights are burnt out, bringing back his earlier thoughts of why the rent is so cheap. He sighs - once again wishing to go back to his condo - to his wife. But he reminds himself that he has to do this.
"I got the monitors set up, each one has the feeds from the banks they're planning for us to hit next..." Mouse tells him and then he goes more into detail, but Jay stops listening when he sees the feed on the bottom right. His eyes zero in on her right away - watching as she combs her fingers through her hair as she makes her way behind the counter with his sister at her side. Even without their presence, he'd recognizes the bank from the numerous times he's visited his girl at work. And if he wasn't sure that he was making the right move before than he is now - hoping to keep both his sister and his wife safe from the guy's he's working with.
She can sense that she's alone the moment she steps out of the bathroom. The steam follows her - surrounds her before dissipating as she freezes at the doorway. She crosses her arms over her chest as if it'll protect her heart from the fact that he's gone. Eventually she moves to the messy bed - a bed that hasn't been meticulously made by him in weeks. Instead only being straightened up by her, to the best of her abilities. The corners aren't perfect and the pillows aren't lined up the way they should be, but it's better than leaving it the way it was. Even if it's only for her to fall onto the edge and crumple the comforter and sheets.
She's not sure there's a word that can describe how she feels when the silence grows impossibly louder and the reality that her husband has already left again, really sets in. That he couldn't wait to say goodbye - choosing instead to leave her a note that would no doubt be so sweet and nicely worded that it'd have her instantly forgiving him. So this time, she chooses not to read it, disregarding it like he has when it comes to her concern over the last several weeks. She leaves it where he left it on her nightstand and lets herself wallow in her thoughts that quickly cause her emotions to switch from hurt and worry to anger. Her patience has waned, but she placates herself as the vows for better or for worse play out over and again in her head. It's not fair, she's recognizes that - knowing that he's still grieving the loss of his friend and she's reminded of that an hour later as she vents to her co-worker, who also happens to be her childhood best friend, and now her sister-in-law.
"Erin, I get you're frustrated and hurt but you have to remember that he's never been one to talk about these kind of things. I told you that before you even started dating, before you married him." Hailey tells her after they step aside to wait for their order.
"He's gotten better though." Erin defends, because he has become more and more open with her about everything - even touching on most of the baggage he carries from each of his tours overseas. Things that she knows have been triggered with Terry's death.
"Yeah, but this is also different than anything you've experienced since you've been together." Hailey recants and Erin sighs, partly because she feels defeated and that no matter what she says it'll be negated. The other part of her knows Hailey's right and that she can't argue any point that's been made.
"Look, I'm not saying that how you're feeling is invalid - quite literally the opposite, actually. You are his wife and he should be able and willing to share what he's going through with you. And I want you to vent and talk this through, if not with him, than someone who knows both of you. But you have to take what he's going through into consideration, too."
"I have taken that into consideration every day since Terry was killed, but it's been over a month, Hailey. And I spend my days thinking about him, and how I want to help. Only to get home to him just wanting me to talk about work and avoid the topic of him until he can get me bent over the nearest piece of furniture. And then by the time I finish getting ready the next morning he'll be gone." Erin admits as they step out of the bakery.
"First of all, eww." Hailey's face scrunches in digust with the mention of her best friend and her brother having sex. But she also means it as a joke to try to lighten the mood as they get back into the car.
"Sorry." Erin chuckles and she can feel herself blush a little with that comeback.
"Maybe you can try avoiding the change in subject. If he tries to get you to talk, just don't give in until he gives you something - even if it's something small. And try dodging his advances."
"Yeah, I can try that. But I mean the sex isn't the problem. It's actually the only line of communication we have right. I feel like it's the only thing that's keeping him from falling down a rabbit hole. I just wish we could talk about him before falling into bed."
"He loves you, there's nothing that could cause him to slip away from you. Maybe he's using the sex as a distraction. It's a way for him to stay connected to you without having to talk."
Erin just shrugs, because she's not so sure that there's nothing that could take him away from her. Hailey can see her sister-in-law's doubt, so she decides to defend her brother.
"It may not feel like it right now, but there's nothing - no one more important to him than you. I know that not only from him telling me, but I've seen it. Every time he looks at you or hears your name, it's plain to see in his eyes just how much you mean to him - how much he loves you."
Erin doesn't reply to that either, but her cheeks heat up as she blushes again.
"I'm just saying don't count yourself short yet, maybe give him a little more time and if he still isn't talking, and you're still losing faith in him then maybe both of you should think about taking some time to figure things out."
"I have faith in him - in us. I just wish he'd let me all the way in." Erin chimes back in.
"Ok then let that faith be enough until he is ready to let you in." Hailey nods after taking a quick sip of her coffee.
Erin nods too and whispers a quick thanks as they park in the lot at their place of work.
"And if that doesn't work out, you can always bring it up to Mom." Hailey adds and Erin shakes her head.
"If you don't want to hear about how your brother's favorite coping mechanism and go-to distraction is sex, imagine how your mom would feel about it."
Hailey laughs and gives a quick shake of her head at that. "Yeah, maybe don't mention that part to her."
Erin chuckles quietly and nods in agreement as they climb out of the SUV and she hands her sister-in-law the bag of breakfast pasteries and extra cream and sugar. The tray of coffee is balanced in her right hand as they wait for the security guard to unlock the door from the inside.
"Thanks, Al." The two women whisper in unison once the door is open.
Erin sighs as she combs her free hand through her hair as she and Hailey continue on towards the counter. The latter enters in her personal code to the only door leading to the back of bank.
They are soon joined by Kim and Annie, the four of them talking until the bank opens and the clients trickle in. The day passes by slowly, and by the time Erin gets home she's ready to eat dinner with her man and go to sleep. Her earlier conversation with Hailey about getting Jay to talk is momentarily forgotten as she walks through their entryway and finds all the lights off. She tosses her keys into the bowl on the small table as she kicks off her heels and tiptoes towards the kitchen. The lights are turned on, but dimmed to ensure she doesn't wake him should he already be sleeping - despite the feeling deep down inside of her that's telling her he's not there. She checks her phone to see if she missed a call or text from him while making her way down the hall.
"Babe?" She murmurs into the darkness and when she's met with silence she flips the switch beside her. The bed is empty and untouched from how she left it this morning. The bathroom is also vacant and her heart pounds as her eyes go to the note on the nightstand. The little energy she had left is drained as she takes cautious steps to her side of the bed. She plops down on the mattress when she picks up the note to reveal his wedding ring. Her hand not holding the piece of paper goes to cover her mouth as she begins to feel sick. She blinks back her tears in order to read the words from her husband. The note is kept in her hand as she returns to the kitchen. It's thrown onto the breakfast bar on her way to pour herself some whiskey. She looks at her phone again - pausing when she sees her wallpaper of Jay in his suit with their two nieces in their flower girl dresses. Then she tries calling him - unsurprisingly getting his voicemail. Her tears fall when she tries him again and gets the same automated message.
He looks at the clock - knowing it's likely she just got home and found that he wasn't there. He reasons that's why she's calling him and it takes everything in him to forward her to his voicemail. His heart aches seeing her picture disappear from his screen.
"What?" Jay snaps when he sees Mouse move in his peripheral.
"I was just going to get a drink from downstairs, thought you could use one yourself before we go meet up with the guys." Mouse shrugs.
Jay sighs, pinches the bridge of his nose and nods in agreement. "I'll be there in a minute."
Mouse doesn't say anything to that as he turns on his heel and walks away.
Jay looks back down at his phone just as it rings again. This time he presses the volume down button to silence the phone so can admire her caller ID photo once more.
"I'm sorry. I love you." He whispers the same five words he started his note to her with, as if she were right there with him. Then, the device is turned off and tucked away into the bottom drawer of the flimsy dresser next to the bed. He hates himself for what he's putting her through and once again hopes that he can fix things when he gets to return home to her. It's a thought that stays with him through the night and even into the weeks that follow, until he sees her again. And it intensifies as her hazel eyes lock on his green as soon as his sunglasses hit the floor. It's as if he's not wearing the black ski mask at all, and she gasps as he robs her of her breath in that moment. He knows she's found out his secret - what he's tried so hard to keep from her but he doesn't know how she'll react or if he'll be given the chance to explain.