The disclaimer telling you that I don't own any Ghosts characters has run off with my tiny little mind. Just madness that came into my head as I was watching some You Tube videos.

Mall Ghosts

Sam was showing the ghosts another image on her computer. "Okay this is another place in real life I thought you might be interested in," Sam explained.

"Oh goody," Isaac remarked. "Another place we can't actually travel to."

"It's the Mall of America," Sam explained. "It's a walkthrough video where you can see places online."

"We know what those are Sam," Sasappis rolled his eyes. "You showed us a few of them already."

"I liked the Epcot ones," Pete said cheerfully. "Wow they really updated that place since I was last there. Over forty years ago. I guess it was time for an upgrade."

"So, this is a mall?" Hetty asked as she pointed at the screen. "An actual mall?"

"Yes," Sam nodded. "I know you've seen them in movies. But this is what one looks like in real life." She played the video for them to watch.

"Ah," Isaac nodded. "Now when Stephanie talks about malls, we can understand better what she's talking about. Oh, my word! Look at those shirts! And they're on sale!"

"Buy one get one free?" Nigel gasped. "Oh, that is a good bargain!"

Flower gasped. "Everything is so bright and shiny!"

Thorfinn looked. "Where weapons store?"

"American Eagle…" Isaac remarked. "Do they sell birds there?"

"Look at all those pictures of young men posing," Hetty remarked. "And women too. Is it also some kind of art gallery?"

"Kate Spade," Thorfinn remarked. "Oh, that must be where they sell shovels."

"What is a Lego?" Nigel asked.

"Little tiny toy plastic bricks you can make anything with," Pete explained. "And hurt like the dickens when you walk on them."

"Victoria's Secret!" Trevor grinned. "Oh yeah!"

"Trust you to notice that one," Alberta remarked. "Ooh is that a perfume place?"

"Old Navy," Nigel blinked. "Do they sell maritime equipment?"

"Where you buy axe?" Thorfinn called out.

"I don't see any maritime equipment at all," Nigel remarked. "Just a bunch of shirts and trousers."

"Vikings Locker Room?" Thorfinn pointed. "Okay! Now we're talking!"

"That's probably the place where you get the axes," Alberta remarked.

"It's where you get merchandise for the Vikings football team," Trevor told them. "Come on! We've been through this!"

"Look at all those stores!" Hetty gasped. "I've never seen so many in one place before! Even in New York they didn't have that many in one location!"

"Look at all those people!" Alberta gasped.

"Look at all the food!" Sasappis realized. "Pizza! Oh yeah! Pizza!"

"Is that an aquarium?" Trevor pointed.

"I believe it is," Isaac remarked. "Must be some sort of fish market."

"Look at how large that bookstore is!" Nigel gasped. "I've seen libraries that aren't that big!"

"Forget the books!" Trevor snapped. "Where are the babes?"

"Socks and Bottoms," Alberta read. "There's a store for Trevor!"

"Build a Bear?" Flower gasped. "Why would anyone want to do that?"

"Not a real bear Flower," Sam told her. "Teddy bears."

"Oh," Flower nodded. "That's okay then."

"So many shops," Hetty was stunned. "Oh! Jewelry store! Jewelry store! Now we're talking!"

"Look at all the pretty flowers!" Flower pointed. "And a fountain!"

"There are trees in this mall?" Sasappis shouted.

"Makes you feel really dumb about the one you made a fuss about, doesn't it?" Trevor quipped.

"Seriously?" Sasappis asked. "Will none of you ever let me forget that?"

"No," Everyone else including Sam replied.

"Can we just go back to the food court?" Sasappis groaned.

"Store for paper," Thorfinn remarked. "Store for clothes. Still not seeing store for axes! Oh Crocs. Must be where they sell crocodiles."

"Boy does this take me back," Pete sighed. "I worked at this ice cream place for one summer during high school at the Chandler Falls Mall. Baskin Robbins. It was a prime location. Right between the movie theater and Fruit Smoothie Island."

"An island of fruit smoothies?" Hetty asked.

"That was just the name," Pete explained. "Carol worked at Fruit Smoothie Island. Until she got fired for throwing a fruit smoothie on the manager. Three times."

"I can see her doing that," Sasappis remarked. "From what we've seen of her."

"Yeah, even back then Carol had to get the last word in," Pete remarked. "Now that I think about it, that was a huge red flag."

"Indeed," Isaac remarked.

"Jerry also worked at Baskin and Robbins with me," Pete added. "Now that I think about it, Carol used to give him free smoothies all the time."

"Another red flag," Isaac quipped.

"I remember hanging out at the mall when I was a kid," Trevor grinned. "Fun times. Hanging out at the food court with Jude, Jonesy, Wyatt. Great guys. I wonder what happened to them? I know one of them moved to Canada."

"Is that a dragon?" Nigel pointed.

"That must be the Lego store," Pete told him.

"My word," Nigel gasped. "Are all of those things made from tiny bricks?"

"This is nothing," Trevor told him. "I went to one of those big Lego stores when I was a kid. They had entire cities made of Legos."

"All these shops and stores though," Flower thought. "I mean, they must have trashed the environment just to fill the greed of consumerism."

"Yeah horrible," Sasappis waved. "There's a chocolate store! YES! Oh another one! Oh yeah!"

"I guess it's okay to destroy trees when they're not yours," Flower looked at him.

"Seriously?" Sasappis looked at her. "You too Flower?"

"And yet another jewelry store?" Hetty gasped. "My goodness! A woman could get the vapors just looking at all of this! No, wait I'm fine!"

"Is that a roller coaster?" Pete gasped. "They have roller coasters in malls now? Now I have seen everything!"

"I bet those ghosts must have the time of their life at that mall," Sasappis sighed. "Smelling pizza all day. Smelling food all day. Watching livings…"

"I bet those ghosts never get bored," Hetty nodded.

"Where would they sleep?" Isaac asked.

"There are major retail stores that have bedding," Trevor reasoned. "I bet ghosts sleep on the mattress displays! Lucky ghosts! It must be one nonstop party after another there!"

"Oh, this is one of the most amazing things I've ever seen!" Hetty sighed. "Shame we can't visit places like this!"

"But Sam can," Trevor realized. "Sam! You have to go to the nearest mall and talk to the ghosts there!"

"Yes!" Isaac realized. "You can interview the ghosts there and tell us all about it."

"What?" Sam blinked.

"It would be so interesting to find out about the ghosts there and their afterlives," Isaac said. "You're a reporter! Go report on them!"

"Isaac I can't just…" Sam paused. "Well technically I can. But…"

There was a ding on her computer. "Oh, I have an e-mail," Sam said. "It's from the Ulster County Review! I got an assignment! Sorry! Guess I can't do the mall thing."

"Damn it," Trevor groaned.

"Huh," Sam read the e-mail. "My assignment is to do a report on the history of the Chandler Falls Mall and its decline."

Pete grinned. "Well, that's convenient!"

That following afternoon…

"Let me get this straight," Jay remarked as he and Sam walked through a dilapidated mall. "You get an assignment to write about the Chandler Falls Mall just as you were telling the ghosts about malls?"

"I don't believe it either," Sam shrugged. "Right now, I'm doing research for both the ghosts and the paper. I figure if I can get some information from the ghosts here that counts as research."

"How will you find ghosts here?"

"Basically, I look for people in weird costumes just smelling things at the food court," Sam remarked. "The problem is that I don't want to look weird talking to myself."

Jay looked around at the mostly empty mall. There were entire rows of stores missing and there was almost no one around. "I don't think that's going to be a problem Sam."

"Right," Sam nodded. "You cover for me."

"How?"

"Pretend to be on your phone and be on a business call or something," Sam told him. "I'll do the same."

"Right," Jay sighed. "Whatever. Man, almost all the stores are gone in this mall. Oh! There's a comic book store! Be right back!"

"Jay!" Sam groaned as Jay ran off. "Typical. So much for his help."

She then noticed some people dressed oddly near a food court. That had very few food stalls open. "Okay then…" She pulled out her phone. She went over to them.

Some ghosts were sitting around a table. "Hello!" Sam held her phone to her ear. "I'm talking to you guys but I'm making it look like I'm on the phone so people won't think I'm crazy. Can I talk to you?"

A Native American woman did a double take. "You can see us?"

"Yeah," Sam sighed. "Long story short I hit my head and was technically dead for three minutes and when I woke up, I could see ghosts. I'm a reporter. Do you mind if I interview you guys for a story I'm working on?"

"Yes of course! Why not?" The ghosts said. "Please do!"

"Basically, I'm working on a story about the history and decline of this mall," Sam explained as she sat down. "I'm Samantha by the way."

A man wearing an outfit from the 1600's and a big brown hat with a black beard spoke up. "Greetings! I am Sir Walter Woodstone," He spoke in a British accent. "Explorer. Back when this was nothing but wilderness, I explored this land for the King! Until I made the mistake of eating some berries that were poisonous. My bad."

"Woodstone?" Sam remarked. "That's my family name! We must be related! I live at Woodstone Mansion!"

"I've heard about that place," Sir Walter remarked. "And my family throughout the centuries. It's not good."

The Native American woman spoke up. "There's a few other Woodstone family members running around the mall. One of them is stuck in the Applebee's at the end and can't get out for some reason."

"Thank God for that," Sir Walter remarked. "He's an idiot!"

"And that's saying something," The Native American woman nodded. "I'm Wendi. From the Lenape tribe. My actual name is too long to pronounce. Died about 1520. From fever."

"Tracy Turnhill," A teenager girl with big hair wearing a yellow and brown uniform spoke up. "Died in 88. I worked at the Nut Shack and died my first day. Who knew peanut allergies were a thing?"

"I don't suppose you know a girl named Stephane who died by a chainsaw killer?" Sam asked. "She's a ghost at Woodstone Mansion."

"Oh yeah I know Stephane," Tracy grinned. "We went to high school together. She was a bitch."

"She was," Sir Walter nodded. "I remember her!"

"So do I!" An older Puritan woman spoke up. "When she came to this mall. Nasty child. Oh Elizabeth Woodstone. Died in 1650. Natural causes. I lived a simple good Puritan life obedient to my husband and raising two daughters and four sons. Well, that was a waste!"

"They were horrible," Wendi nodded.

"Indeed," Sir Walter nodded.

A man wearing a nice suit with some bullet holes in it spoke up. "I'm Ralph The Nose Nunzio. Died 1951. I worked in the mob and got caught skimming a bit off the top…Long story short my body is buried in concrete underneath what used to be the Sears store."

"Him and five other men," Elizabeth spoke up. "That was a very brutal night."

"Three guys went down on us that night," Wendi added. "Another guy stayed and one guy got sucked off."

"They shot a homeless guy who just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time," Ralph explained. "Got sucked off. It was just me and Jimmy J who stayed. Mostly I think it's cause we were just doing rackets and never offed nobody."

"Where's Jimmy J?" Sam asked.

"Oh, he's at the picture show watching a flick," Ralph told him. "He's really into movies."

"Lucky for us the movie theater still exists," Wendi groaned.

"For now," Sir Walter groaned. "There are a few other ghosts wandering around. Watching movies is a very popular pastime for us. As well as livings."

"I think I've seen every movie there is," Tracy added. "And some I never should have seen. Why did I want to watch that Sex In The City Movie? And the sequel? Brrr!"

"I thought teen ghosts slept most of the year?" Sam asked.

"Who can sleep in this place?" Tracy asked. "Besides I've had insomnia since 93. I'm lucky if I can get a few weeks in."

"It's been quite the century let me tell you," Sir Walter explained. "See the Sears store was built in 1951 and then the rest of the mall was built in the 70's. What was the year it was finished? 1974? 75?"

"75," Wendi told him. "Sears became one of the anchor stores. This place used to be mostly homes and woods until some guy in real estate bought up the land then sold it to this developer. He was a Woodstone too, right? The real estate guy?"

"Yes," Sir Walter nodded. "Bought up all this property for a song and made a fortune. To be fair this was after the fires."

"Fires?" Sam asked. She had put her phone down and took out her notepad. No one was around so she felt safe to do so.

"There was some arsonist running around in the 50's and burned down almost all the houses in this area," Sir Walter explained. "They never caught him, did they?"

"I don't believe they did," Elizabeth shook her head.

Sir Walter went on. "Well, they built the mall and added several stores, the food court and the movie theater. Then in the early 80's they built more stores and added on another wing and another level. By 1985 the Chandler Falls Mall was one of the most bustling and robust areas of commerce in Upstate New York."

"That must have been nice for you," Sam remarked.

"Nice?" Sir Walter snapped. "It was Hell! Back in the day we'd get walked through at least thirty times a day! Not very pleasant!"

"I'm not saying there wasn't any shortage of livings to watch or drama," Wendi added. "But it got so loud sometimes you couldn't hear what they were saying!"

"Now we don't get walked through but it's gotten rather dull," Ralph admitted. "Apart from the odd shoplifting incident or minor fight."

"Most of the anchor stores are gone," Sir Walter added. "And the Macy's took out their mattress section so we have no real beds anymore."

"We've had to resort to sleeping on those bean bag things," Ralph pointed to another store. "They're not as comfortable as you think."

"Well, we can sleep in the seats at the movie theater," Tracy told him. "But they're not as nice as they used to be."

"The place does need an update," Ralph sighed. "In fact, the entire mall needs an update!"

"I miss staying in an actual house," Elizabeth sighed. "With a lovely yard to look at. Instead of a huge parking lot."

"And to watch birds," Wendi added. "That aren't seagulls or pigeons."

"To watch a family and be attached to them," Elizabeth admitted. "Instead of strangers every day. Oh, sure there are some of the same workers that come for a while but they come and go over the years. I even miss my horrible family."

"Your horrible family is my horrible family," Sir Walter spoke up. "Remember?"

"Oh right," Elizabeth remarked. "Never mind."

"Not to mention smelling the same fried crap for over seventy years!" Ralph groaned. "What I wouldn't give to smell a real homemade dinner again! Applebee's is okay but…It's no Sunday night at my mother's!"

"The only time we get any peace and quiet is when the mall closes at night," Tracy added. "And even then, it can get a little creepy. Even for us."

"Some of those mall guards are on the take," Ralph added. "A lot of retail theft goes on after dark if you get my drift."

"Not that you can steal much nowadays," Sir Walter remarked. "See that store over there? That clothing store? That's actually a front for a drug running ring."

"Drugs?" Sam gasped. "You mean like heroin or OxyContin?"

"Discount Viagra," Sir Walter corrected. "And yes, OxyContin too. The Viagra is the bigger seller. There's a lot of elderly people that walk in this mall in the morning."

"Honestly I don't mind the fact that there are a lot fewer people in the mall," Wendi admitted. "I miss the pizza place though. And the pretzel stand."

"If a mall loses a pizza place and a pretzel stand…" Elizabeth added. "That's a bad sign!"

"I overheard the owner of this joint," Ralph spoke up. "They're going to take the Sears apart and put in something called Urgent Care. Whatever that is."

"It's a medical office," Sam explained. "Like a mini emergency room combined with a doctor's office."

"Oh, that would be interesting to watch," Elizabeth grinned. "I like medical dramas!"

"How many ghosts are there in this mall?" Sam asked.

"Not as many as there used to be," Sir Walter admitted. "Quite a few got sucked off the past ten years. There were over twenty of us back in the day. A real community of ghosts. Now there's about…8 of us. Counting the idiot at Applebee's. No wait, ten! I always forget the two weirdoes who hang around that comic book store."

"Weirdoes?" Sam asked.

"A few decades ago, there were two chaps who dressed up as these Lord of the Rings characters," Sir Walter explained. "They were in the comic book store between showings of the movie when they both died. Believe it or not they were poisoned!"

Elizabeth explained. "Apparently they got this discounted Hobbit Juice from somewhere and it turned out to be anti-freeze."

"All those dweebs do is talk about comic books and movies and…" Tracy shuddered. "They're creepy. And to think I used to dream about spending my life in a mall."

"If you see two people wearing weird silver armor and pointy elf ears and with faces covered in pimples, steer clear of them," Sir Walter groaned. "We do!"

"Only ten ghosts?" Sam remarked. "I think counting the ghosts in the Cholera Pit we have twice as many."

"I'll tell you what," Sir Walter said. "You tell us all about those ghosts you have at Woodstone Mansion. And we'll tell you everything we know about this mall here."

"Deal," Sam nodded. "There's a Lenape at Woodstone too. His name is Sasappis. I don't suppose you know him?"

"I knew like three or four Sasappis back in my day," Wendi remarked. "Odds are I probably did hear about him. Or somebody named that."

"Hang on," Sir Walter pointed. "Mall walkers!"

Sam pretended to be on the phone as the group of elderly people walked by briskly. "Yes, that is interesting. Tell me more."

"Good cover," Elizabeth nodded. "Back in my day if a woman was caught talking to herself, they'd burn her at the stake faster than you could say 'That woman is talking to herself.' Now that I think about it, Pilgrims weren't really that much into mental health care."

"Rather short sighted if you think about it," Sir Walter remarked. "Uh oh…"

One of the male speed walkers coughed and grabbed his heart. "Oh my God!" Sam gasped as she called 911.

"Busted ticker," Sir Walter remarked as the ghosts got up to look. "If I've seen it once I've seen it a dozen times. I wonder if he took any of that discount Viagra?"

"Probably," Elizabeth remarked as the mall walker died and his spirit hovered over the body. "That usually does the trick."

"Excuse me sir!" Sir Walter called out. "Did you take any of that discounted Viagra recently?"

"Uh yeah…" The confused newly deceased blinked. "Right before my walk."

"Big mistake," Sir Walter told him.

"Well now I feel ridiculous," The newly deceased remarked. Right before he ascended upwards in a shaft of light.

"Oh, he got sucked off," Sir Walter grinned. "Good for him!"

"Shame he didn't stay," Elizabeth sighed. "He was rather good looking."

"Maybe the next one?" Ralph shrugged.

"I can never have a normal day," Sam sighed.

Later Sam was reporting to the ghosts in the living room.

"And that is pretty much what's going on at the mall," Sam explained. "Oh, by the way, Marvin is doing rather well. He's going on vacation to Maine next week. He's covering for the Chandler Fall's coroner this week. And vice versa for next week. Apparently, they have a system for vacation days."

"Good for him," Sasappis nodded.

"I also reported to the police about the store selling discount Viagra and they got busted," Sam added. "Wrote a blurb for the paper about that and they're happy."

"I'm happy I learned more about my relatives," Hetty remarked. "And I don't feel like I'm missing out based on what you told us."

Isaac remarked. "So, the grass really isn't greener on the other side? Or in this case the mall isn't really shinier?"

"Nope," Sam said. "Those mall ghosts were envious that you guys live in a house."

Trevor admitted. "I guess it is nice here. We are kind of lucky."

"I wouldn't want to get walked through thirty times a day," Pete shuddered.

Sam added. "By the way my editor loved that I got a scoop on the Urgent Care. Apparently, that counts as big news. Well, that and the drug bust."

"Not half as big as when they start tearing apart that Sears store," Sasappis remarked. "Sam if I were you, I'd be at that mall the day they start breaking ground."

"Already marked it on my calendar," Sam nodded.