"So why not share it?" Janus scooted closer, lowering his voice. The cafe wasn't that loud, but there was still plenty of commotion before the show started. Virgil leaned closer as well. His hair smelled good and Janus briefly got distracted by his exposed forearms. Virgil shook his head, glancing around at the crowd.

Virgil said dejectedly, "I'm just not that kind of Side."

"I don't think that's true." Janus replied, reaching up and tucking Virgil's long bangs aside. If Virgil worked hard on writing something, but didn't want to embarrass himself in front of his cooler Sides, then surely he intended to read it. He wouldn't write something just to watch others perform all night.

Adorable Virgil, he just needed a little push in the right direction.

Without another word, Janus hopped up from his seat and headed towards the stage. Virgil frantically whisper-shouted after him. Jan snickered to himself as he made his way over to the poet sign up sheet. The table was set up near the stage. A Side was chatting with someone at the table and a small line formed behind her. Janus joined the queue and glanced around.

The Side in front of him was tall for a Side. Janus glanced at his fluffy, dark hair. He briefly thought of his own curls, and how they stood out from the rest of his pod. He got his hair from his mother. He still had a photo of the both of them, hidden in a shoebox in his closet. Did they ever think about him? About the boy that ripped their marriage apart?

Someone dropped a glass behind him. The sound of it shattering startled him out of his thoughts.

A cheerful chorus of "Opa!"s filled the air, followed by laughter. The commotion caused the Side in front of him to turn around. The guy was shockingly cute. Tan skin, slight stubble, and an adorably kissable round nose. His glasses couldn't hide his deep down eyes. Jan watched as the Side's gaze left the crowd and inspected Janus.

Oh?

The Side looked him up and down slowly. Janus smirked and pushed his hip out seductively. When their eyes met, the Side bit his lip. He shot Jan a charming smile, so Janus stepped a little closer.

"I haven't seen you here before." The Side said, adjusting his circular glasses. "You came for the poetry night, right?"

Janus decided to entertain the Side while they waited. "Oh yeah, I love poetry."

Janus didn't care one way or another. But the Side seemed to like that answer. He nodded to the line they were waiting in. "Are you going to perform?"

"I haven't decided yet." Janus said, shrugging. He leaned forward and stage-whispered, "It's my first time."

He winked. The Side chuckled and held out his hand. "You're funny. I'm Poetic."

"Janus." He said, shaking Poetic's hand. His skin felt tingly when they touched. Janus felt his heart flutter. He pulled his hand away and cleared his throat, feeling silly. Janus loved to flirt, but something about this felt different. Even different than when he teased his Sides.

"I like that name." Poetic said, his smile growing. "Did you already find somewhere to sit? I have a spot open next to me."

Janus blinked in surprise. He actually felt embarrassed to say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm actually here with my Side."

Poetic's disappointment only showed for a moment. He nodded and smiled easily and said, "I understand. I hope you both enjoy the event."

"Uh-" Before Janus could explain that he was actually kind of a whore and him currently being on a kinda-date wasn't a deal breaker for him; it was Poetic's turn to write his name on the sign-up sheet. He turned around and scribbled his name. Janus held his breath as the Side gave him one last smile and a little wave before walking away. Janus' gaze followed him, watching him sit down in the front row.

Janus looked down at the paper on the table. It had a list of names and then the title of their poem. Some titles were left blank or scribbled "untitled". Janus didn't know what Virgil's poem was called, so he decided to leave that part blank.

Poetic Oscar Side

Virgil Side

Feeling like his princess was in another castle, Janus forced himself to move back to their table. That was odd. Janus was usually better at mindless flirting than that. Once he saw Virgil's nervous anger, Janus instantly relaxed and forgot about the handsome Side he met.

"Don't worry, kitten." Janus said, smirking at Virgil's expression. It was so fun trying to make him blush. "If you don't go up there when they announce you, they'll just move on to the next poet."

"You shouldn't have done that!" Virgil shook his head, still blushing. "I'm not a poet!"

Janus asked, "You wrote a poem?"

"Well, yeah-"

"You're a poet." Janus smiled and clinked his glass against Virgil's untouched glass. "Enjoy the night. No one will know if you chickened out or if you had to leave, and more importantly, no one will care."

Virgil sighed and grabbed his slushy, giving Janus one final glare. The first poet was on the stage and speaking, saving Janus from more protest. They watched the show in silence. Janus actually paid attention, since there was nothing better to do. Many of the poems were decent, if a little shallow. A few stood out to Janus as actually entertaining. One gave him goosebumps. He's starting to see what might be the appeal of the medium.

But it was clear that Virge wasn't paying much attention to the other poets. Janus felt like an asshole for that. Did Virge want to listen to the others perform? Or did he just want to try to get on stage himself? Janus hoped he wasn't being too pushy. But the way he saw it, there was an easy way out. Virgil could just not walk up there when they call his name. They could continue to watch the rest of the performers and no one would know he chickened out.

He placed his hand on Virgil's bouncing knee. Virge shot him a small, close-lipped smile. The bouncing didn't stop. Janus shot him a concerned look, but Virgil wasn't watching him anymore. Janus rubbed his knee with his thumb and focused back on the stage.

Poetic was walking up to the mic. Janus wondered what kind of poem he would write. If his diagnosis was Poetic, he must be good right? Janus' curiosity peaked.

Poetic stood confidently before the mic. He took a deep breath, then said simply, "I was fifteen when I told the world goodbye."

The audience quieted to listen to what he had to say. Janus wouldn't be surprised if Poetic was a regular to these events. He must be popular.

"My family celebrated, they would never see me again." He smiled as he said it. "I was ready for my epilogue, and they were willing to give it. They ask me to die, and then to relive it."

Janus glanced at Virgil, who was staring at his drink. He hoped that he was doing alright, and looked back to the stage.

"And although they shoved me out the door, I still can't help but wonder," Poetic sighed and crossed his arms. "Is this blessing they require, going to leave me 6 feet under?"

The crowd snapped a little.

"Would they still know me? Would I know them? When I come out on the other end?" Poetic shook his head, "This I cannot say. But still they cheer and beg and plead- for a possible Establishment day."

He bowed and the audience applauded. Janus clapped along, wondering what else Poetic wrote about. Would he be here again, if Virgil and he came back? Jesus, why was Jan so focused on the hot nerd?

They called Virgil's name. Janus looked over to him, seeing the fear flash on his face for a second. He must have been spacing out, and missed the eternity of Poetic's performance.

"What do you want to do?" Janus whispered, already mentally preparing to go home for the night. Maybe they could stop somewhere and get ice cream or a beer. Whatever Virgil wanted.

"I'll- I'll, um, yeah." Virgil mumbled, standing up. Surprised, Janus scooted aside to let him pass. He watched as Virgil quickly made his way to the stage. Looking at him, you wouldn't expect he was an Anxiety Side. He stood in the spotlight in front of the mic stand as if he belonged there. He almost looked like Roman for a second. His hesitation was only barely visible as he reached up to clasp the mic.

Janus sat up straighter, incredibly proud, and listened to his Side. Virgil spoke clearly. "I'm an old, forgotten doll, left to the wind. My skin, red and withered."

Janus tilted his head. What was Virgil describing? He was hardly forgotten. At least, Janus could never forget him.

"The seams of my self are starting to unwind." Virgil held his arm up, displaying his sexy spiderweb tattoos to the crowd. "My soul has been delivered."

Janus sat forward more in his seat. He wanted to be closer to the stage. He wanted to know what Virgil's deepest thoughts were.

"Rejected, ejected, as you rip out my spine, piece by disgust piece."

Janus realized then what Virgil must be imagining. The searing, blistering pain that came with a forced fission. That had to be the poem's topic.

"You've turned my vertebrae into hot coals." Someone started snapping. Janus joined in. They died down as Virgil said the next line. "Damaged beyond repair."

He looked at Janus. For a moment, it felt like Janus was the only audience member in the room. He felt like Virge was speaking directly to him, sharing his thoughts on their experience.

"What burning, what yearning, what deep broken despair." Virgil's voice broke slightly and he looked away.

"What-" Janus didn't catch Virgil's next word. He said it in a startled shout. Janus couldn't figure out what had upset him, but it was clear any confidence he did have was gone.

Virgil was running. Janus jumped up; his chair scraped against the ground unattractively. He pushed his way through the tables and chairs to chase after his Side.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Janus chanted to himself. He might've pushed Virge too far with that one. He jumped over a woman's purse and broke into a sprint as Virgil disappeared out the building.

This felt slightly familiar as Janus followed after him on the sidewalk, pushing to catch. Fuck, Virge was fast.

Virgil ducked around an alley corner and Janus was able to find him a moment later. He was sitting on the ground, and Janus knelt beside him.

"What happened?" Janus asked. "You were doing so well!"

"He- He was there!" Virgil gasped.

"Who?" Janus didn't see anyone.

"Maxx!" Virgil said.

Who the fuck is Maxx? Janus thought. He shook his head and said, "Okay, so, let's just not focus on that?"

"He was there- he's here-" Virgil said, "Oh my god, this is so embarrassing!"

Janus shook his head. Virgil was breathing too quickly. "No, it's alright! I promise, it'll be okay, just, breathe-"

"I can't!" Virgil said, his breaths far too shallow. "I can't!"

Janus wanted to reach out, but didn't want to be constricting. He wasn't sure what to do. He said, "In through your nose, out through your mouth?"

"In-in-inhaler." Virgil said, patting his pockets. His eyes widened, "In-inhaler!"

"You don't have your medicine with you?!" Janus felt his throat constrict. He realized then that Virge probably kept that stuff in his jacket. The one he left at home. Virgil shook his head, still unable to breathe. Janus stood, trying to think.

Janus looked around and spotted the neon signs of a gas station. He looked back down at Virgil - head in his hands, breathing heavily in the dirt - and knew he would have to make a decision. Janus spoke as clearly as he could, "I'll be right back."

He doesn't know if Virgil heard him. He doesn't have time to check. Janus forced himself to move, running across the street to the dirty gas station.

Janus pushed his way into the building and instantly went to the isles. These places always had little travel medication. Maybe he could find something that said- there!

He grabbed a box labeled 'Established Anxiety Medication' and shoved it in his pocket. He ran back out of the front door. The bell jingled along with the cashiers shout of "You didn't pay for that!"

Janus ignored him and sprinted back across the street to the dirty alley where Virgil was freaking out. He dropped to his knees, ignoring the pain that the action brought. Fumbling, Janus ripped the packaging open and pulled out a little inhaler, just like Virgil's, perfect. He pushed the item into Virgil's hand and guided them both up to his mouth.

"Here, here," Janus whispered. Virgil pressed down on the inhaler and it sprayed the medicine into his mouth. He breathed. Janus held his breath.

And then Virgil got worse.

He coughed, dropping the inhaler. Janus picked it up, maybe he needed more? But Virgil was shaking his head and coughing and he's never done that before.

"What?" Janus asked, panic rising in his chest. "What? What?"

"Doesn't feel right." Virgil choked out. He shuddered, and he squeezed his eyes shut. Janus caught him as his body suddenly went limp and he fell forward.

"Shit!" Janus hissed. Alone, in the dark, with his unconscious Side, Janus knew he had royally fucked up.

After speeding the entire drive home, Janus parked the car in front of their house and practically jumped out of it. He ran to the passengers side and threw the door open, reaching in and unbuckling Virgil.

He wasn't looking good. His head was rolled back, his eyes fluttering closed. Janus pressed his head to his chest, and calmed slightly at the strong beating of his heart. His breathing was quick, but present. Janus pulled back and gathered Virgil into his arms.

He heaved with all his might and lifted Virgil out of the car. He moved quickly, hoping his adrenaline would make up for his lack of arm strength. But Virgil remained in his arms and Janus was successfully able to stay upright. He walked as quickly as he could carrying someone the same size as him. Janus didn't hesitate pushing the door open forcefully.

He could feel the cold on his back and the panic in his veins as he stepped in the doorway.

Logic and some Fusion looked up at him from within the livingroom. The Fusion, someone Janus didn't know with four eyes and arms, unfused at the sight of him. Patton and Roman popped out a moment later, running up to him.

"Virgil!" Patton shouted, despair clear in his voice. Janus' chest twisted unpleasantly.

Janus, unable to hold Virgil's weight anymore, pushed the Side into Roman's arms. Roman held him and gently lowered them both to the ground.

"What happened?" Logic asked, joining them. He closed the door behind Janus, who shook his head, breathing heavily.

"Is he okay?" Patton asked.

Roman reported, lifting his head off Virgil's chest, "He's breathing. But I don't think he's awake."

"Why didn't you take him to a hospital?" Patton said, dropping to his knees beside Roman and Virgil.

"I- uh-" Janus had little experience with hospitals. He wasn't thinking of professional care, he was thinking of safety, of his Sides, of home. "I gave him this."

Janus pulled the inhaler out of his pocket and held it out to show them. Logic snatched it out of his hand and scowled.

Patton looked up at him from his spot on the ground and asked, "Janus, what happened?"

"We went to a poetry slam-" Janus started.

Roman brushed his thumb across Virgil's cheek, frowning down at him. He repeated quietly, "Poetry…?"

"-And he got nervous and-"

"What the FUCK WERE YOU THINKING!?" Logic shouted. Logic. Shouted. Janus' gaze snapped to his face, his fury, filling up his vision. Janus couldn't even flinch. Flinching requires awareness of the situation. Janus' mind had backed up where his feet couldn't. With each word Logic felt further away from him. "WERE YOU TRYING TO KILL HIM?!"

Janus' lips barely moved, "He was - I was- helping?"

"By giving him a GODDAMN OVERDOSE?!"

Janus' knees shook. Through his tight throat, he tried, "No, no it- it said anxiety medicine-"

Logic didn't look like the dorky nerd that Janus loved. Logic's rage was unmatched. Janus knew fear well. But in that moment, Logic was teaching him a new definition. "EVERY CHILD IS TAUGHT-"

Janus closed his eyes, attempting to keep his tears hidden. He did everything he could to block out the rank smell of failure. He caused all of this. He pushed Virgil onto the stage. There wouldn't have been a panic attack if Janus wasn't there.

Logic was right.

"-IN EVERY SCHOOL! IN EVERY STATE! IT IS A FEDERAL LAW-"

Janus really was just a fuck up.

Janus jostled back to reality as someone pushed between them. Janus smelled sweet vanilla. He heard Patton shout, "Logan! This isn't helping!"

Wait. Patton?

Janus' gaze snapped up to see Patton's back. He had his hands on Logic's chest, pushing him away from Janus. Logic's anger redirected to Patton, who literally snapped in Logic's face.

With a cold, heavy anger that could only be carried in a low crawl, like a casket brought to its resting sight, Patton said, "What's done is done. We need a Logic. Not this." He shoved a phone at Logic. "Call poison control."

Logic blinked twice, the anger visibly dissolving into surprise. When he hesitated a moment too long, Patton barked, "Now!"

In one breath, Logic was mimicking Janus's expression; the next, he pressed the phone against his ear, speeding away.

Patton exhaled shortly. He turned to Roman, still on the floor with Virgil in his lap. Patton asked, voice hoarse, "Will you carry him to the couch?"

"Of course." Roman responded, a near whisper. Like after the shouting, sound was outlawed. The very air felt like it was ice thin enough to crack around them.

He gently shifted Virgil in his arms and stood like he was carrying nothing at all. Silently, he took Virgil away.

Patton moved to leave. Janus' hand snatched his shirt before he was fully abandoned.

"How can I help?" Janus asked, desperate.

Patton sighed. He looked at Janus over his shoulder, and said sadly, "You've done enough."

Janus let go of him. Patton briskly walked off, stopping at the couch to say something to Roman, before disappearing down the hall. Janus stood frozen. His mind moved too slowly to decide what to do next. He wants to run. Run away from this situation he caused. He wanted to abandon everything and never look back. But he couldn't do that. Not this time.

He majorly fucked up. He hurt Virgil. His Virgil. He couldn't leave knowing that Virge was still sick. Because of him. Always because of him. Harming Virgil in any way was the last thing he wanted to do. Out of all his Sides, Virge felt the most like him. Like they were actually Sides. If it weren't for Virge, Janus wouldn't even be sure he belonged with the rest of them. He couldn't lea

Silently, he made his way into the livingroom. He sat not at the couch, but in the singular lazy boy across from it. Roman glanced up at him. His expression didn't reveal what he thought of Janus. Did Roman hate him even more now? The creepy liar that got too clingy and now he's poisoning their pod, one good Side at a time.

Janus slowly, shakily, found his phone in his pocket. He tapped the internet icon and typed, 'Anxiety medicine sides'.

The first article was titled Illness Trait Medication Dosage Chart. He tapped it and felt the coldness settle into his bones. The first paragraph said things like 'autoimmune response' and 'possibly fatal'. Janus' throat was dry. He could barely read the screen from how bad his hands were shaking.

Medication for Established individuals tends to be at a much higher dosage than an Illness trait requires. Seeing as the Side is their illness, attempting to eradicate it will cause the Side great harm. The best course of action is symptom management with a doctor's prescribed medication. Sides should not take medication for Established individuals, especially if they are Illness traits. For more information, and for Fusion dosage rates, look at the graph below.

Janus dropped his phone in the chair beside him. He didn't know. Who would have told him? Frank didn't give a shit if he took too much cough syrup. Janus was barely in the classroom. Sent to in-school detention. Or when he was in his Negative school, they didn't learn shit…

He should have known. Fuck, he should have known.

Patton glanced down at him as he walked back in the room. If he was surprised to see Janus there, he didn't show it. He quickly carried a soft, maroon blanket to Roman and Virgil. They whispered as Patton covered them with the blanket. Pat's worried expression was visible as he stroked Virgil's hair. Janus felt sick.

"I should call an ambulance." Patton said, pulling out his phone from his pocket. Janus watched Virgil's chest rise and fall in short, concerning movements.

Roman said, "Wait, hold on. My parents' allowance can't afford an ambulance." He gathered Virgil closer like he was going to stand up. "Let me drive us-"

"No, it's okay. Ambulance fees are waived if a Morality Side requests one." Patton said quickly. He punched in the first number. 9.

"What? Why?" Roman sounded annoyed enough for the both of them. Janus would usually linger on that privilege, let the reality of it burn into his skin. But the words they were saying now fazed right through him. His thoughts were only, pathetically, 'fuck, Virgil.'

"Because Moralities always call for an ambulance!" Patton snapped. He winced at his own anger and quickly said, "Sorry! Sorry! I'll call-"

Janus heard strong footsteps, and then Logic's fury filled his vision again. Tampered down, but still visible in his eyes. Logic pushed down on the arm rest of the chair, rocking Janus closer to him. He held his phone against his chest, clearly mid-call.

"How many times did he breathe the inhalant?" Logic asked. His voice sounded unlike him. Lacking the rationality one expected with Logics. Janus squeezed his fists until his nails dug into his palms.

"One." Janus said.

"Don't lie to me!" Logic barked, shaking the chair. Janus had never felt younger, smaller, more unwanted than in this moment. He felt every time he heard those words, hitting him full force. "It's very important! How many-"

"ONE!" Janus cried, "Once! He only did one!"

Logic was pulled away. Patton, his own phone forgotten, backed Logic up and away from Janus. He didn't speak, but his furious expression never left Logic's face.

Unbothered, Logic raised the phone to his cheek and spoke, "Yes, we believe he only took one dose."

Janus pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He watched as Logic finally looked away from him. Pattons back to him, arms still slightly raised by his hips. Logic nodded. Janus heard ringing in his ears.

"Okay." Logic said. "Yes. Thank you."

Janus dragged his gaze over to Virgil. He was curled up against Roman's chest. Roman had an arm under his legs and around his shoulders, ready to move. Roman appeared alert, focused, and fiercely protective of the unconscious Side in his arms. Janus blinked and the sight of them became blurry with tears.

"He'll be alright." Logic said, hanging up. "We need to keep an eye on him, he may vomit. If he seems like he can't stop vomiting, we should take him to the hospital. He will likely sleep through this." Logic took a deep breath, "However, the medication will remain in his system for several hours, likely up to 12."

Patton asked, voice shaking. "He's okay?"

"He will be okay." Logic said stiffly. "But if his breathing worsens or-"

Logic's irritated words were cut off as Patton pulled him into a massive hug. Pat hid his face in Logic's neck, his hands gripping the back of Logic's shirt.

"He's okay!" Patton's muffled, watery voice said.

His shoulders began to shake. Janus wanted that. Which part of it, he wasn't sure. The comfort that came with having Sides that cared about you; or the ability to cry in front of those Sides, and not be looked down upon. Janus hid his face against his knees for a moment. What few tears he allowed to escape were quickly forgotten in the fabric of his jeans.

"Ro?" Came a small squeak from the couch. All eyes on him, Virgil shifted slightly in Roman's arms. "Wha-?"

He didn't finish his question. He was too busy leaning over the couch and releasing the contents of his stomach onto the carpet. Logic made a sound of dismay, no doubt thinking of the clean up. But Janus couldn't be more relieved.

Despite everything, despite Janus, Virgil was safe.