7 September 2002
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
Have I ever told you about the—contest—that's been brewing between me and Pikachu? The issue at stake—our side-special moves. More specifically, the originality of my side special move. One fine day, Pikachu was nice enough to point out the similarities between my Green Missile and his Skull Bash. But the Green Missile was unlike Skull Bash—Pikachu uses electricity to propel myself forward, and I use—my own power. Unfortunately, Pikachu persisted and began to accuse me of copying his move. Slowly but surely, other Smashers found themselves dragged into the conflict, and Dorf merely sided with Pikachu just so he could dump on me more. Thankfully, Pikachu still had standards and called the Demon King out in pika-speak when his methods got too extreme for him, but still.
Pikachu and Pichu passed around petitions regarding my lovely Green Missile. They put up posters vilifying me. I couldn't even pass them by in the halls without them hurling insults at me. Today, it finally got too much. Pikachu had decided on the juvenile tactic of taping a piece of paper which read "Shame the Copycat" onto my back. As a result of that sign, I was verbally and physically harassed by complete strangers who decided to do what a piece of paper told them to, because why not? I'm just Player Two—it's not like anyone would care. I discovered the sign when I passed by a mirror and—well—I reached my limit.
When I confronted Pikachu to call him out on his childishness, I tried to be calm. I tried to reason with him. But he just kept making flippant comments until—he said that I was just a Mario clone, and the only thing original about me was that I wore green and carried around a vacuum cleaner. That was a low blow. Forgive me, but I just—lost it.
I made my displeasure known with a punch to the stomach. In response, Pikachu headbutted me, and then we really started going at it, brawling right there, in that room. We were obviously breaking the rules, but we didn't care anymore. We wanted to destroy each other. So we just kept trading punches until two Wireframes happened upon us, broke up the fight and escorted us to Master Hand's office.
MH didn't penalize us, but he ushered us into a room, placed a few bottles of spirits on ice on the table and left us there. After imbibing a bit, Pikachu and I loosened up, apologized and talked things out. I told him how upsetting and immature his behavior was, and he told me that he honestly thought the Green Missile was a carbon copy of Skull Bash. Over a few more shots, I helped him see that our side-specials were similar, but overall different. We agreed that it was a petty thing to feud over, and by the time MH checked on us, a shaky peace had existed between us—and we were sufficiently drunk, too.
Pikachu's just lucky that Mario's still on vacation.
On the lighter side of things, today was Jas's first day of school. Jas suffered from a little bit of separation anxiety, but Jake's presence helped alleviate it. The anxiety was worse on the parents' side, as Jules periodically called me with rattled nerves and Jackie did the same, just needing someone to talk to. But in the end, it turned out okay. Jas had been bathed for the first time in the pool of knowledge, grown closer to her current friends and even made some new friends. There was Tiffany, Dave, Zoe, Kaleigh and Ralph, to name a few. I know this because Jas herself called me after her post-school nap.
Can't you believe Jas is in school? I still remember the day I first met her, when she was a cute little bundle in Jackie's arms. Before you know it, she'll be learning how to drive, trying on makeup and finally discover what makes someone a "special friend". Poor Jules and Jackie are gonna have their hands full—dropping her off at school for the first time is only the beginning!
Luigi
11 September 2002
Brooklyn, NY
Dear Diary,
It's been a year. A year since life as I knew it was upended. A year since our innocence was lost. A year since an ordinary day turned into a day full of horror.
We all gathered in the Smash Chapel this morning, where Master Hand conducted a beautiful, tear-jerking service. He paid special attention to the firefighters and law enforcement officers who gave their lives to save others, as well as everyone aboard United Flight 93, whose heroism prevented further bloodshed. Following a few prayers, we all talked in hushed voices about where we were when the news broke.
"When the first plane hit, I was in bed," said Captain Falcon.
"I was cooking myself some breakfast," said DK.
"I had my best clothes on, and I was headed to school," said Ness.
"I was sitting on the toilet with my pants down," said Marth.
"Fox and I were conducting a training exercise," said Falco. "Peppy called us back to base, and he was clearly shaken as he told us what had happened. He'd hardly finished when we saw the second plane…" He breathed shakily. "We had to obtain clearance before flying in for a rescue mission. I don't think we saved enough people. But then the Towers weakened and collapsed—we almost didn't make it out."
"I was going for a morning ride on my horse, Epona," said Link. "When I got back to the castle, Dorf was there. I assumed the worst and drew my sword to defend Zel. But—he looked so sad—and then Zel came down and explained that she'd asked him to come. I didn't know what was happening until she told me about the plane crash. Imagine it—a hero, a princess and the villain sitting together, united in grief. When the second plane hit, Zel declared a state of emergency and issued a shelter in place warning. I knew that Dorf had no part in this—how could he? He normally doesn't engage people unless they're in the way of his plans."
"Like all villains," Dorf chimed in.
"I was about to dock my gunship at the Brinstar base when these guards came charging out. I had to convince them that I wasn't a hostile," said Samus. "Then, one of them just looked at me and said, 'Where do you think you're going?' And I told them, 'Well, onto the base.' And then the guard said, 'You're not going anywhere. Didn't you hear? There are planes falling out of the sky!' They allowed me inside the building, and I saw the Towers on fire. Airspace had been closed to commercial aircraft, and we couldn't get authorization to attempt a rescue mission. I honestly couldn't blame them—we have strange-looking aircraft. We all just sat there, helpless, as the Towers came down."
Then, I told my story, how we were all relaxing in Peach's Castle, bracing ourselves for an encounter with Koopa, when the Yellow Toad brought the first attack to our attention. The frantic phone calls Mario and I made to Pauline and Josh, respectively. The sheer horror and despair that set in when we realized that we couldn't beat the perpetrators the way we beat Koopa. And finally, Mario breaking down when the North Tower collapsed.
"This is history, Smashers," MH solemnly intoned. "Our children, and our children's children need to know about this—so we can prevent it from happening again."
There were no matches today, as Master Hand declared a day of mourning in remembrance of the 9/11 attacks. I decided to visit Ground Zero again, and I took Falco with me. Josh, Joan, Jamie, Janice, Jules and Jackie were already there when we arrived, and I introduced them to the avian. We all placed flower bouquets at the site, and then all six of us knelt and prayed for the fallen, as well as for the survivors. Stanley and Pauline joined us shortly thereafter, and we all just stood there, talking quietly, before eating dinner at a nearby restaurant and somberly parting ways.
When I arrived at my apartment and saw those light beams where the Twin Towers once stood, I fell onto my bed and cried. I cried like a baby. After I was cried out, I gave Mario a call, and he sounded teary too as he told an interesting story…
During his—ordeal—he'd had a bit of a talk with King Boo about the attacks. And his captor had actually reached out to him and comforted him about what he'd seen. For that brief moment, the duo had come together, discoursing over whether humanity was still worth fighting for. Then, the king remembered his personal grudge against us, but it was a surprisingly good conversation.
A year has gone by, but have we truly gotten over 9/11? No.
Will we ever truly get over 9/11? Probably not.
Luigi
8 October 2002
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
So many things went through my mind as I stood on the tarmac of Smash Airport, watching Mario's plane glide in. So many emotions, and for a few seconds, I didn't know which one to settle on. When the landing gear came down, however, and I watched the plane glide smoothly across the landing strip and taxi over to the terminal, I settled, as always, on relief.
Mario was the first to exit the plane, wearing sunglasses and a Hawaiian shirt with blue shorts. He walked fairly fast down the steps and into my waiting arms; he smelled of sunscreen and sea.
"Luigi," he breathed.
"Mario," I replied. "Thank God you're all right."
We just stood there on that tarmac, hugging and hugging, unwilling to separate but reluctantly doing so when the other passengers started down.
Peach and her Toad retainers descended the steps in a graceful, single-file line. She was clad in a sleeveless dress, her parasol clipped to her left side. Mario took her hand and helped her down the rest of the way.
"I'm sorry you had to go through that," I said to her.
She smiled. "It was worth it."
"Why did BJ think you're his mom?" I asked.
Peach wore a grossed-out expression. "I don't know, nor do I want to know the things that turtle puts in his boy's head," she said.
We looked up as Grace exited the plane, hand-in-hand with her new friend, Roland. The former was clad in a nude-colored, strapless, casual dress, and the latter was wearing a blue shirt with a Shine Sprite on it with tan shorts. Both had sneakers on their feet and were hefting bags of merchandise.
"Good to see you again, Grace," I said as we shook hands. "I take it your vacation went well?"
"It did," nodded Grace before turning and giving Roland a quick peck on the mouth.
I also turned to face Roland. "You must be Mr. Butter," I said.
"Luigi, please. Mr. Butter was my father. I'm Roland." He shook my hand. "Gracie told me a lot about you."
"Uh—she told me a bit about you, too," I said. I couldn't get enough of how handsome he truly was. From his head of curly, deep red hair to his brown eyes to his fine jaw, he was absolutely stunning!
"Nice, firm handshake," mused Roland. "Says a lot about a man."
I couldn't help but blush as he looked me over.
Eventually, the handshake ended, and Roland smiled. "All right," he said. "Lunch is on me."
We all had lunch at this newest café, Brewster's. And it was there that I learned Roland's story. When he was young, he and his family boarded a flight bound for Isle Delfino, but the plane had crashed, with him as the sole survivor. The Piantas had found him, and he'd lived on the island ever since, with the Piantas serving as his parental figures. They fed him, clothed him and educated him, and when he grew up, he helped support their thriving tourist economy. And then he met Grace.
"I'm thinking about going back to school," said Roland. "Getting a college degree."
"You've been through so much," I gasped.
"Yep," said Roland, "and I keep trudging on. You know—you and I aren't so different, Luigi. Grace gave me a brief synopsis of what you've been through, and yet, you're still standing."
I smiled. "I can't break down as long as people are relying on me." Mario and I exchanged a look as I said these words.
Roland nodded. "You're an all right, guy, Luigi," he said. "You're all right."
We smiled, an understanding forming between us.
In the Smash Mansion, Mario was pompously welcomed back. Link, Samus, Fox and Pikachu were among the ones who glomped him. MH expressed his apologies for what he went through on the island, and wished that there had been better ways to help him. Mario didn't have to fight any matches, by the way. Master Hand figured that my bro was exhausted and jet-lagged from the trip back. Besides, who wants to fight a jet-lagged person, right?
Luigi
18 October 2002
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
The Smashers threw a surprise party for me today. After the day's matches were fought, I went to the lounge to unwind, and there they all were, waiting for me. It wasn't very often that parties were thrown for me, so I was pretty shocked. And then I remembered. I remembered what happened one year ago.
One year ago, they told me I won a free mansion.
One year ago, I found myself in a haunted locale filled with ghosts, which I hated.
One year ago, I was equipped with the Poltergust 3000, and I embarked on a mission to find my bro.
One year ago, I made the acquaintance of the spirited Grace, of the eccentric Professor Elvin Gadd and the more reserved Becky.
One year ago, I faced off against the King of all Boos and lived to tell the story.
One year ago, I rescued Mario from a fate worse than death.
And they all remembered.
Smashers lined up to give speeches on how they initially reacted to the news. They told me that I was a good man, and that I had more courage than I could ever realize. Grace was all smiles as she told of the positive first impression I made on her. Then, Mario gave his speech, and he told the Smashers about how the mere thought of me gave him hope, gave him what he needed to push on, rather than throw up his hands and consign himself to an eternity in a painting. He talked about what was going through his mind as he watched Grace and I battle King Boo, how we were able to hear him as he gave encouragement and instruction. He talked about how the two of us got up after taking a hard-hitting attack. And he talked how my face was the only face he was concentrating on, the first face he looked for once he was freed. My heart was full by the time he was finished.
"With his arms around me," said Mario, "King Boo's torment didn't matter anymore. None of it. In Luigi's strong, green-sleeved arms, I felt safe. I was safe. And I'm proud of you, and I thank you, and I—I love you, Luigi, so fiercely."
"Awww…" said the audience as they applauded.
Then, Mario bounded over and hugged me, whispering words of love to me in Italian. I gave up the fight and cried, and he cried along with me.
After the speeches, we all enjoyed a cake with a frosting "L" in the middle, and then I received one last surprise.
Gadd summoned me to the place where it all went down. Only this time, it was bright and cheerful rather than dark and gloomy. And waiting for me in the clearing was…
…my very own mansion.
It was painted green and white, with a "L" mounted on top. There was a garden, fountains—it was everything I wanted in a mansion! Of course, I had to go to Gadd's lab to read over and sign paperwork, and there was a property tax to pay every year, but I was cool with that.
"Professor, I can't thank you enough," I said once I was done signing the paperwork.
"No thanks is necessary," said Gadd. "This mansion is my 'thank you' to you."
I'd never been so proud of myself as I was in that moment.
I called up the Merricks, the Spellmans, the Smashers and my bro, and we threw an epic dance party in my new mansion's colossal living room, with plenty of drinks to go around.
Luigi
21 October 2002
MK
Dear Diary,
It was that time again! Yep, Peach's Castle was the site of yet another Mario Party! Wario and Waluigi were also invited back to cause trouble, but no antics could spoil a good party. All of the boards of this party were, well, party and amusement themed. We had Toad's Midway Madness, Seaside Soiree, Greedy Gala, Boo's Haunted Bash, Shy Guy's Jungle Jam and Koopa's Gnarly Party. Also, it couldn't be a Mario Party unless I won by doing absolutely nothing! Once we cleared all of the "boards", we had a dance party, followed by a mini-buffet, ice cream and cake.
Good times, indeed!
Luigi
21 November 2002
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
MH has prepped the Smash Mansion—and us—for "something big". It can only mean one thing—Super Smash Brothers Melee is almost over!
Today was our first big challenge—a fight against Giga Koopa, Dorf and Mewtwo on Final Destination. We all sat in the stands and cheered on the selected fighter as they took on these three powerhouse villains. The lightweight characters, like Jiggs and Kirby, handled themselves pretty well. By the time my turn came, I was fired up and ready to kick some villainous [bleep]!
Those three didn't fight fair. Mewtwo could telekinetically throw me into his teammates and stand back while they used me as a punching bag. Giga Koopa could pounce on me from above before unleashing his Koopa Klaw attack. And Dorf could try to incapacitate me with his Warlock Punch or Gerudo Dragon move. If I defeated the most dangerous of the three first, then I had a better chance of winning the fight.
Luckily, my fellow Smashers were there, as were Josh and his family (excluding Jas, who was in school), along with Roland and Grace. The auburn-haired young woman was the most energetic spectator, and it was like I absorbed her energy into my heart and the blood in my veins. Truly, I'd never had a supporter quite like her.
My quick thinking, even quicker maneuvering and my punishing blows forced the trio on the defensive. I took Mewtwo out of the fight first with my forward knifehand strike. Then, I worked on Giga Koopa and Dorf for a bit, mixing up aerials with Smash attacks. With a crushing Misfire, Dorf was down for the count. I couldn't celebrate for long, for Giga Koopa spun into me with his Whirling Fortress, the shell spines slicing into my skin. Quickly, I shook off the pain, grabbed him by the tail and started swinging him round, grunting with the effort. When I let go, I dashed forward and punctuated things with a mighty Super Jump Punch.
Master Hand's shout of "COMPLETE!" was lost in the wild cheering. I then noticed that Jackie had a JVC video recorder in her hand, probably recording the match so Jas could view it later.
I know that we'll all have to fight Master Hand eventually. What new tricks will he pull up his sleeve then?
Luigi
3 December 2002
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
The second and final challenge took place today, like last time, on the first anniversary of Melee. Due to my upswing in confidence, I decided to go first. I was taken to Final Destination, where Master Hand gave a sinister laugh as he floated toward me. And then, the battle began.
MH's attacks were similar to the first tournament, with a few upgrades. Some of his punching and swiping attacks could bury me for a few seconds, and he'd poke me thrice instead of once. For my part, I used similar tactics during the fight. I jumped behind him to evade his lasers. I attacked mainly from the air, fast-falling to the stage whenever he blasted into the air and rolling out of the way of his flying punches and swats. Then, I introduced him to the Green Missile, an attack that had him smoldering and reeling. My face was sweaty and set, my body jumped and leaped and flipped. When an attack left MH stuck to the ground, that's when I'd pound him with harder attacks, but for the most part, I used aerial attacks to batter away at him.
When MH's hit points were halfway depleted, everything froze.
"What the…?" I asked.
MH grinned, if that was possible. "I'd like to introduce you to someone," he said.
Maniacal giggling sounded behind me, and I whipped around to face another giant glove with wriggling fingers. Who was that?! Did MH clone himself?! This was shaping up to be a tough fight!
"Did I miss anything?" asked the wriggling hand.
"Actually—you arrived right on time," said MH. "The look on Luigi's face right now is priceless, don't you agree?"
"That's the truth of it," giggled the wriggling hand. To me, he said, "I am Crazy Hand, Master Hand's twin brother and the Hand of Destruction. Let's see if you have what it takes to beat both of us!" He giggled again as MH joined in his laughter.
I took a slow, deep breath and let it out. "C'mon, L. You can do this," I said before jumping back into the fight.
And I approached it with extra finesse and caution, because attacking one could leave me open to the other's attack. Together, they could stun me with a clapping attack, whack me back and forth like a Pong ball, and grab, squeeze and slam me into the stage. A single snap of their fingers could daze me unless I shielded against it, and Crazy Hand could rain bombs all over the stage. In the stands, there was dead silence, everyone else just as shocked at Crazy Hand's appearance as me.
But the shock wore off as I continued to dominate the fight. Mario started cheering again first, followed by Peach, Yoshi, DK, Kirby, Fox, Ness, Falcon, Pikachu, Link, Zelda and finally the rest of the Smashers. Then, Josh started a clapping cheer, joined by his wife, son and daughter-in-law. And I could hear Grace exclaim, "He's gonna do it! You're gonna do it, Luigi!"
That show of faith in me was all I needed. I brushed off the claps, the punches, the swipes, grabs, squeezes, swats and bombs and other things in the Hands' arsenal. I dodged and slid and stung with fierce knifehand strikes and kicks and punches of my own. Master Hand fell to my Super Jump Punch, and Crazy Hand barely saw my Misfire coming. Both let out an echoing cry before sailing off into the distance.
Thus, I was the first Smasher who faced Crazy Hand in a fight—and won.
After the other Smashers had their turn, there was an informal Q&A with Crazy Hand, where we learned that the whole "craziness" thing was part of his persona, and that he was just as affable as Master Hand. I think CH was trying to wrap his—fingers—around the fact that I was on almost equal ground with him as far as fighting skills were concerned.
Master Hand and Crazy Hand announced that Melee was officially over. Our next matches wouldn't affect our win-loss records, and the closing ceremony was scheduled for early next year. Good move. Let's get the holidays over with first.
Luigi
17 January 2003
Smash Mansion
Dear Diary,
Melee's closing ceremony was today. We sat in the Main Hall and ate finger foods while discussing the best parts of this tournament and possible improvements for next time. MH knows for sure that there's gonna be a third tournament, as he's aware of it's ever-increasing popularity. It's only a matter of how long it'll be until the third tournament.
"It was lovely meeting you all," said Crazy Hand, "in a crazy way, of course."
"And it was lovely to see my returning Smashers interact so well with the newcomers," added Master Hand. "When the third tournament is realized, I hope to expand Smash's horizons even more."
"Who else do you have in mind?" asked Samus.
"Ah-ah-ah," chided MH. "It's a surprise."
"Hey, Master Hand," Mario piped up. "My new gadget, F.L.U.D.D., came in handy during my adventure at Isle Delfino. Is there anyway the third tournament will allow me to work F.L.U.D.D. into my fighting style?"
MH beamed at him. "Anything is possible," he simply replied. Turning to me, he added, "The same goes with your Poltergust."
"How did you know…?" I asked.
"I just do," MH said smoothly.
The two Hands then brought out a big cake in the shape of the Smash symbol and cut it together, like a pair of newlyweds. There was even enough for seconds!
Another exciting Smash tournament has come to an end. But at least we have a third one to look forward to!
Luigi
16 March 2003
Brooklyn, NY
Dear Diary,
Mario and I volunteered as chaperones for Jas's sixth birthday party, once again held at the park. Jules and Jackie even rented a bouncy castle for the occasion. Can't you believe it? A bouncy castle! That bouncy castle was the life of the party, as Jas, Jake and the rest of her friends spent most of the party in it. Only such classics as a scavenger hunt, sack-races, hide-and-seek and the swings were able to draw those kids out of that bouncy castle.
"Hey," I said to Jas as we sat at the picnic benches, eating pizza. "How would you like to see a real castle?"
"Peach's castle?" asked the birthday girl. "But my mommy and daddy said I could see it over the summer."
"Maybe they'll be willing to make an exception on your special day," I said. "Mario and I will talk to Peach after talking to your parents. Would it be nice for you to celebrate your next birthday at a real castle instead of a bouncy castle?"
"Celebrating at a castle would warrant a more special occasion," said Jackie. "Four more years, and you'll be in the double-digits. Want to wait until then to have a party at the castle?"
"Okay," Jas agreed.
"We'll still talk to Peach," I said.
"If she was willing to host a wedding, then she'll probably be willing to host a birthday party," said Jackie. "But Jas, when the time comes, your dad and I expect you to conduct yourself properly."
"I won't misbehave," said Jas. "Cross my heart."
Later, we had the customary cake and ice cream, and then Jas opened her presents. Among them was the video game based on Mario's island adventures, Super Mario Sunshine. I guess Nintendo really has to make a video game off of everything big Mario does—even taking a vacation.
"I still wanna be like you when I grow up," whispered Jas.
"You mean—fight ghosts, like I did?" I asked.
"No—I wanna be a mechanic," said Jas, "but fighting ghosts sounds fun, too."
And dangerous, I wanted to add, but maybe she'd understand that part better when she was older.
Mario and I helped the adults clean up, and then we said our goodbyes before spending the night at our apartment.
Luigi
24 March 2003
Los Angeles, CA
Dear Diary,
I'm spending a few days in the City of Angels due to a special occasion. My new friend and colleague in the ghost-hunting business, Grace, turned twenty-one today. And what better way to celebrate reaching the legal drinking and gambling age than going to a nice nightclub?
Wisely, the guests arrived before things started getting crazy. The birthday girl was shocked, and then elated, that I'd shown up. I explained that I had some partygoing experience myself, and I'd be the perfect candidate for showing everyone the ropes.
"You dance?" asked Grace.
I nodded.
Before that, though, we primed ourselves with some dinner, first sharing a platter of sliders and then ordering sundaes for everyone. Gracie herself was served a warm brownie sundae with sparklers on top. We all took pictures with our Kodak cameras before she dug in.
At 8p.m. sharp, the DJ started spinning the music. "Get Busy" by Sean Paul was first on the list. We silently decided that opening presents could wait and immediately hit the dance floor. I started busting loose, breaking down my body like I did in the clubs in the MK and the Smash Lounge, the patrons wasting no time noticing and pausing their own dancing to watch. Grace and her friends' mouths flew open, and Roland appeared especially interested. They formed a circle around me, clapping and egging me on, and I responded by dancing more and more passionately. You should've seen the way my body wriggled and shimmied! After the song finished, I rested, allowing the others to have their turn. Roland and Grace danced together, cheek to cheek, him spinning her around like an expert ballroom dancer, her arms around his neck while his hands were on her waist. The two of them shared breathless kisses as they danced, the very picture of young love. I gamely sat out two or three songs before jumping back in to the first notes of Fat Joe's "What's Luv?", several clubgoers doing their best at copying my stellar moves. Throughout the dinner proper, I'd remained sober, but as the birthday girl and her paramour and her friends began cutting loose, I ordered my first drink of the night. More party hits were spinning, from "Rock Your Body" to "Stand Up" to "Get Low" to "Crazy in Love". Bodies swayed and voices laughed and whooped, and I took that energy and made it my own.
"All right!" I heard someone say. "The green one knows what this is all about!"
Indeed.
We all danced and sweated until the club closed for the night. Then, we went outside, where Grace opened her presents. Roland had given her a new iPod, while I gave her a small trophy which read, "To Super Grace—A Super Ghost Hunter."
"There's no such thing as a 'best' present," she said. "Any present is a good present. But—thank you, L. If you wanna go full-time on this ghost-hunting stuff, Gadd has an opening."
I chuckled. "Thanks, but no thanks," I said.
"I understand," said Grace, "but be ready. You'll never know when the Professor might call you up."
"I'll remember that," I told her. "Happy birthday, Grace."
We all said our goodbyes, and then I hailed a taxi which took me back to my hotel.
Luigi
20 July 2003
Brooklyn, NY
Dear Diary,
This time, Josh, Joan, Jamie, Janice, Julian, Jackie, Jasmine, Pauline and Stanley joined Mario and me in celebrating our twentieth plumber-versary. We met up at our favorite restaurant for a celebratory dinner, telling jokes and reminiscing over our food. After we ordered desserts, Pauline and Stanley dropped one whale of a bombshell—they planned to leave New York and start life afresh. They explained that the specter of Pauline's ordeal with DK hung over them, and a clean break was for the best. Mario appeared the most shocked of all, but he recovered relatively quickly. Pauline him promised that she'd write from time-to-time, and that she'd always be grateful to him for standing up to an angry ape for her. We ate our dessert, paid the bill and parted ways, ending our celebratory dinner on a bittersweet note.
Pauline and Stanley's decision to move away marks the end of an era—and the start of a new one.
Luigi
28 July 2003
MK
Dear Diary,
Today, I participated in the Toadstool Tour Golf Tournament. I invited Grace to serve as my caddy, and she politely declined, telling me that she had to get ready for her junior year at UCLA. But she'd be happy to be my caddy at the next golf tournament. School came first, after all. Eventually, a Green Toad volunteered to be my caddy.
Instead of boring you with a narration of eighteen rounds of golf, I'll give you some highlights. Daisy showed off her golfing prowess, and I couldn't help but snark a little bit at Waluigi during his turn on the green. Once again, Koopa was present under a flag of truce. He finished the golf tournament in third place, with Peach coming in second and Daisy winning first prize. I was so happy for my Flower Princess.
I was getting a bit tired of Mario winning at everything, too, but you didn't hear that from me.
Luigi
7 November 2003
MK
Dear Diary,
We did something new with our kart races today. Instead of one racer per kart, there were now—two racers per kart! This tournament was called Double Dash, and we all got to pick our teammates prior to the race. Peach picked Daisy, DK picked his nephew, Diddy, a newcomer to the kart races, a Koopa Troopa picked a Koopa Paratroopa, Wario picked Waluigi, Koopa picked BJ, Toad picked a newcomer named Toadette and I picked Mario.
Mario and I were the perfect team for a two-person kart race! I manned the kart, while Mario handled the items. Now that I could have both my hands on the wheel, I could better steer and control the kart, while Mario expertly scouted enemies and tossed Banana Peels for those behind us and Shells for those in front of us. The tournament was divided into four cups: Mushroom, Flower, Star and Special, with four races per cup. In addition to the usual Item Blocks, there were Blocks grouped into twos, which yielded two useful items instead of one.
Best of all, when my hands got tired, Mario and I could easily switch places. Mario leaned hard on the gas pedal while I held onto the railing, clutching an item or two and narrowing my eyes at approaching racers. I've never been in a kart race like this before, and the feeling of euphoria was indescribable. Mario and I also took turns with the stereo; he'd play some of his favorite songs, and I'd play some of mine. We laughed and high-fived each other, and most importantly, we didn't let the other do all of the elbow work. The item handler would give the driver tips on how to better maneuver the vehicle, and vice versa. It was this teamwork which guided us into first or second place in all of the races.
We all ended up—where else—at Rainbow Road. A finale we knew all too well. The race started with Mario at the wheel, and at the green light, he nailed the gas and zoomed us forward. In the rearview mirror, I could see his mouth working. He snapped at the racers who tossed items at us and even let fly some colorful words in Italian. Then, he'd catch himself once he remembered that there were kids in the audience.
On the final lap, he turned control of the kart over to me, while he let off steam throwing items. I settled easily into the driver's seat, fingers molded to the wheel, keeping my temper boiling just under the surface as I muscled against the other karts. I caught Mario's expression as I weaved the kart through the course's infamous hairpin curves. He appeared quite envious of my coolness under pressure. As far as I was concerned, that was for the best.
We zoomed across the finish line as "Hey Ya" by Outkast blared on our stereo. We waved at the crowd as they cheered for us, and then held hands as we were awarded the first place prize. Mario was so happy that he actually lifted me up and swung me round.
Boy, am I beat. I'd better get some rest.
Luigi
10 November 2003
MK
Dear Diary,
Our fifth-ever Mario Party was held at Peach's Castle. And it's so close to the fifth anniversary of these parties, too! Toad and a Boo were among the newest party guests, and though the Boo freaked me out a little, I still had a good time. This party's theme had to do with dreams—dreams and nightmares. Of course, Koopa and his allies were on the side of the nightmares, and we heroes were on the side of dreams. Each board dealt with a specific type of dream, too. First, there was Toy Dream, followed by Rainbow Dream, Pirate Dream, Undersea Dream, Future Dream, Sweet Dream (yummm) and finally Koopa's Nightmare. That last board packed a wallop of mood whiplash, but it was lessened somewhat when we managed to clear the board. I think my winning by doing absolutely nothing helped.
After the party, I had changed into my night clothes when Grace called. She sounded extremely excited, and I had some clue why before she told me. Roland had proposed to her, and she said yes. She was now an engaged woman! The two planned to marry next summer and invited me and Mario, along with the Merricks and Spellmans, to their wedding. As soon as she hung up, I told Mario the good news, and he said that he'd be happy to attend the ceremony. Josh and Joan also said they'd make it, and so did Jules and Jackie, adding that they'd bring Jas if she promised to behave herself. Jamie and Janice said yes to the invite, as well.
So, one of my newest friends is getting married. But Daisy and I still aren't in a rush to tie the knot, and Mario and Peach—I can't speak for them, but I don't see a trip to the chapel on the horizon for them, either.
Luigi
21 November 2003
Beanbean Kingdom
Dear Diary,
Well—a new villain has been added to our rogues gallery. Her name is Cackletta, and she's stolen Peach's voice! At least she thinks she does; what she doesn't know is that Peach had anticipated her arrival and swapped places with a Birdo, which means that Cackletta stole that Birdo's voice instead. Her right-hand man is a crazed inventor named Fawful, and let me tell you—that guy would give Gadd a run for his money. Their plan is to use what they think is Peach's voice to activate an ancient artifact called—the Beanstar, which has the power to grant wishes. And so, Mario and I were whisked off on a brand new adventure in a brand new fantasyland!
Shortly after our arrival, Mario and I rescued the Beanbean Kingdom's equivalent of Peach—Prince Peasley! My God, was he handsome! If one gets past the whole green-skin thing, they'll find that Peasley is good enough to eat. He has long, shoulder-length blond hair, a broad chest, muscular arms, a flowing, red cape and a cool-looking rapier. Once Mario and I freed him from Cackletta's curse, I could barely take my eyes off of him. He enlisted our help in finding the Beanstar pieces before Cackletta reached them, and we instantly agreed.
Did I mention that Peasley also has such a wonderful smile?
This adventure is gonna be better than I thought.
Luigi
22 November 2003
Beanbean Kingdom
Dear Diary,
Mario drank—something—a vendor offered him and got sick. Very sick. The doctor examined him and told us that he'd come down with Bean Fever. Unless we cured him with Crabbie Grass, my big bro would spend the rest of his life as a bean! This Crabbie Grass was located in Guffawha Ruins—a home to ferocious monsters who showed no mercy toward intruders.
Yaaaah!
Do you honestly think that I wanted to be f—ing monster food?!
But I didn't have much of a choice, now did I?
Before I get into that, I need to tell you a few quick things. Mario and I have learned to fight with hammers. These hammers pack more of a punch than our fists, and they're good for deflecting projectiles, too. And not only have we taught ourselves to fight with hammers, but we also taught ourselves to perform special, choreographed team attacks. We call them Bros Attacks, and if our timing is right, these attacks can increase in power.
Now, back to the story.
I was once again in a situation where I had to save Mario, with frightening creatures blocking my path. This time, there was no plucky young woman around to help me. But did I run? No. Did I want to run? Yes. Did my love for Mario overpower my desire to run and not look back for the second time in the new millennium? Yes.
On my way to this Guffawha Ruins, I was fortunate enough to meet the Thunder God (no, not THAT one). He sat me down, and we talked a little bit about my situation. I told him of my trepidation, and he knew just the solution.
"You have heart," he said. "I see it in you. In fact, I think you have enough heart to wield—the power of the thunderstorms!"
"Thunderstorms, huh?" I asked. "I mean, my bro and I can control one element—fire."
"Why control fire when you can control thunder?" quizzed the Thunder God. "You can manipulate it in a greater variety of ways than simply chucking fireballs."
I thought about it. "Yeah—I've always wanted to manipulate electricity."
And so, the instruction began. It started off basic, with me learning to simply concentrate and generate the lightning in my fist. Then, I learned to manipulate it from hand to hand. Eventually, I graduated to shooting lightning bolts at targets, similar to Pikachu, and then using the electricity to get past tight squeezes. And finally, I learned to infuse lightning with my other attacks, first with my fists ( I got in several electric uppercuts) and finally my trusty Hammer. Ho-ho! I was now a master of the Thunderhand!
Armed with this new ability, I heartily thanked the Thunder God before continuing on my journey. And it wasn't long before I came upon Guffawha Ruins and its monsters. Using what I learned, I subdued the monsters, grabbed the Crabbie Grass and hightailed it back to where my Bean Fevered brother lay.
Once I fed him the Crabbie Grass, the green color disappeared, and he gasped as his fever broke. I just broke down in tears and hugged him, and he hugged me, too.
I let him recover for an hour before telling him about my adventure to retrieve the Crabbie Grass for him. When I told him of how I learned the Thunderhand, he smiled knowingly.
"Somehow, I knew you'd pick up electrokinesis," he said.
"Thanks, Bro," I said. "Just—don't tell Pikachu yet, okay?"
"Okay," said Mario.
Mario needs his rest and so do I, so we're spending the night at a hotel. We'll be back in action tomorrow!
Luigi
23 November 2003
MK
Dear Diary,
Mario was full of energy when we woke up this morning, so we set out to confront Cackletta and halt her evil scheme. We first cornered her and Fawful at a university, where I used my hammer to knock Fawful away. As our journey progressed, I found that I could incorporate my Thunderhand into our Bros. Attacks. My personal favorite was the Super Thunder Bros, in which I actually went underground and surprised our enemies with a thunderous uppercut! Wow! If there's another Smash tournament, then I'm gonna talk to Master Hand about this!
Oh, man—there's so much that happened during our trip to the Beanbean Kingdom, and way too much to tell you. So many times Mario and I got separated and our touching reunions when we found each other again. So many times where he displayed concern for me, and I for him. I even got to meet the Jellyfish Sisters, where I perfected my Thunderhand technique. A little later, I got another chance to play hero when a Piranha Plant ate Peasley. He even gave me a kiss on the cheek in thanks. Sweet!
You know what? I'll just tell you the best part.
We'd seemingly defeated Cackletta, and we were on our way to save Peach and take back the Beanstar. But then, Fawful infused Koopa with Cackletta's soul, turning him into a Cackletta/Koopa hybrid. Our first plan was to trick the duo using a phony Beanstar, but they saw through the ruse. Luckily, with help from one of Peach's extra dresses, Plan B was born. That's right, I got to cross-dress as the Mushroom Princess herself. My imitation of her was spot-on, right down to her laugh. The only problem was my moustache, so I had to cover my mouth with my hands. The Cackletta-possessed Koopa tricked me into dropping my hands, thus exposing the charade, but by then, it was too late. I'd already stolen back the real Beanstar, and now it was showtime! We battled Fawful first, and then we took on our possessed archenemy. A sudden sneak attack reduced us to 1 HP each, and then Koopa actually INHALED us—where we were confronted by Cackletta's soul!
Mario and I were at low health, but we weren't out of the fight just yet. Good thing Mario had some extra Max Nuts handy. Just one of them was enough to restore most of our hit points. With our energy fully restored, we began the fight to destroy Cackletta once and for all.
Cackletta's soul had a head and two arms, but the center was shaped like a heart, even pulsed like one. Mario and I concentrated most of our attacks there, while evading strikes from the limbs, fire attacks and big energy projectiles fired in our direction. The ones we couldn't jump over, we fired back at our opponent using our Hammers. We abandoned solo attacks in favor of our coordinated, choreographed Bros Attacks, like the Splash Bros and Chopper Bros. It was a difficult, tiring fight, but with one lucky, powerful strike, Mario and I won the day!
But the final blow went to Prince Peasley. He'd rigged the castle with explosives, giving us three minutes to escape. Once we were safely on the ground, we watched as the explosion shot the now Cackletta-free Koopa into the sky. As a final parting shot, Peasley wrapped Koopa up in a gift box and gave him back to us as we said farewell at the airport. We towed him on the back of our flight, and we were even nice enough to drop him off at his own castle. Since he'd been possessed, we felt like we owed him.
But think about it. I now control two elements—fire and electricity. I think I'm gonna wait awhile before I blab to my friends about it. And maybe I shouldn't tell anyone about Peasley, either—mentioning him is bound to make them jealous.
Before we left, Peasley and I exchanged contact information. I plan to write to him at least once a month. And if I have some time on my hands, perhaps—
Perhaps—
I'll drop into the Beanbean Kingdom to visit him again.
Luigi