Reversal of Fortune: Chapter 41: Creator's Calls

(Time Skip: Friday, October 14; 8:00 AM)

As Principal Huggins typed furiously on the computer in his office, he muttered to himself, "Stupid Cheryl, stupid rules. I have to wait until after Lincoln returns from his suspension to do anything about him."

Suddenly, his phone vibrated. Partly out of instinct and partly out of hope, Huggins picked up his phone, swiped right on the notification, and typed in his phone's passcode, opening his phone's "Mail" app.

Upon opening the app, Huggins saw an email from Bill Buck.

Principal Huggins pumped his fist and hissed, "Yes!"

However, when he read the rest of the subject line, "Notification of Disqualification from Michigan Ace Savvy Comic Contest", his heart dropped to his stomach.

Principal Huggins read to himself out loud:

"Dear Wilbur,

It is with great regret that I have decided to disqualify your entry from the Michigan Ace Savvy Comic Contest. In submitting your entry, you have committed the following violation of our comic contest rules:

4. COMIC MUST NOT BE PLAGIARIZED.

We have been informed by an anonymous person that you claimed the work of Lincoln Loud as your own, blotting out Lincoln's name and contact info for your own. The anonymous person provided photographic evidence of the original state of the comic book, which contained Lincoln Loud's name and contact information. After investigating the matter, the team at Ace Savvy Productions, Inc., has determined that these claims are plausible enough for us to disqualify you.

Any other entries you have submitted to this contest will also be disqualified. In addition, you are hereby barred from all future contests and promotions hosted by Ace Savvy Productions, Inc., or any of its subsidiaries. Failure to co-operate may result in legal action being taken against you.

Sincerely,

Bill Buck

Founder

Ace Savvy Productions, Inc."

Principal Huggins glowered to himself, digging into his phone with his fingernails. He proceeded to scroll through his contact list until he found the person he was looking for.

The McBrides were eating a juicy breakfast of bacon, eggs, and sausages together at the McBride house's dining table when the home phone rang from the kitchen.

Howard chirped, "I'll get it!", and walked towards the kitchen to pick up the home phone.

He winced when he read the caller ID: "Royal Woods Elementary School". He sighed, and picked up the phone.

"Good morning, Howard McBride speaking!"

"Good morning, Mr. McBride. This is Principal Huggins."

Howard stammered, "Uh… y-yeah! P-Principal Huggins, what's going on?"

Principal Huggins snarled, "Tell Lincoln he's wanted in my office. IMMEDIATELY."

Howard gasped. Deciding this was important, he walked back to the table and put the phone on speaker so his family could hear as well.

Knowing his family was in earshot, Howard asked, "Lincoln needs to go to your office? Why?"

Principal Huggins hissed, "Lincoln was responsible for the bat biting my nose yesterday. That same bite forced me to take the rest of yesterday off to get my rabies shots."

Everyone gasped.

Principal Huggins scoffed, "Don't gasp for me. This is how it's going to go down. You two are going to bring Lincoln to school first thing today. Once there, he is going to publicly apologize to Lucy, in front of the entire school. If he fails to do this, I will expel him on the spot."

The McBrides' jaws dropped.

Howard trembled, "Y-yeah. W-will do, sir."

Principal Huggins sneered, "Good. See you then," before hanging up.

Clyde instinctively pulled his walkie-talkie out from his pocket and yelled, "Yo, Beenie Man, come through! Beenie Man! It's Mr. Boombastic! Yo, I'm out here, guy!"

Howard and Harold traded glances.

"Uh, Clyde," Harold thought aloud, "I don't think your walkie-talkie reaches all the way to the Sweetwater house."

Clyde pondered Harold's words for a second, nodded, and went on to dial Lincoln on his phone, ignoring the innumerable social media and text notifications on his lock screen.

Over at the Sweetwater Manor, Lincoln and the Sweetwaters shared laughs as they enjoyed breakfast together.

Lincoln ribbed Brian, "Says the guy who convinced his teammates to skip a week of practice and classes when DOOM came out!"

Brian insisted, "Man, everybody was just that competitive! Had to keep up!", eliciting more laughs from the table.

Suddenly, Lincoln's phone rang in his pocket, playing the instrumental ending riff to "It Wasn't Me." An instinctive smirk formed on Lincoln's lips as he clicked on the "Answer" button.

Lincoln beamed, "Jheez, Clyde! What are you saying, fam?"

Clyde grumbled, "Yo, Principal Huggins is cheesing me, styll!"

At the mention of Principal Huggins, Lincoln put his phone on speaker and groaned. "Oh boy. What does he want now? You're on speaker, by the way."

Clyde cried, "A man said you better reach school, or else he's expelling you for the bat on stage ting!"

Everyone at the table gasped.

Lindsay groaned, "Oh, come on!"

Paige grumbled, "Seriously?"

Becky huffed, "As if he couldn't get any worse!"

"I've got this," Brian assured. "Lincoln, hand me your phone."

Lincoln gave his phone to Brian, who vowed, "Don't worry, Clyde. I'll call Principal Huggins, and I'll get this taken care of."

Clyde exclaimed, "Thanks, Mr. Sweetwater! You're the best!"

Brian chuckled, "Any time." He then hung up and dialed Principal Huggins.

Principal Huggins greeted, "Good morning, this is Principal Huggins speaking."

"It's Brian. Let's cut to the chase: I know you're framing Lincoln for you getting bitten by a bat on stage yesterday."

Principal Huggins countered, "No. See, Lincoln framed Lucy for setting that bat on me! He tricked his sister, Lucy, and the Morticians Club into doing his dirty work, and he made Lucy take the blame!"

Brian shook his head. "How do you know? My daughters go to this school, and they told me Lincoln's not been at school for the last 2 days!"

Principal Huggins shouted, "I WOULD HAVE WON THE COMIC CONTEST WERE IT NOT FOR HIM!", stunning the Sweetwater family.

Lindsay and Paige, now indignant, clenched their fists and growled. Linda, sensing an outburst, whispered, "GIRLS! CALM DOWN!", a pleading look in her eyes.

Principal Huggins snarled, "As far as I'm concerned, if Lincoln isn't in my office with the McBride parents at 9 AM sharp, he's expelled from this school. Not only that, but I'll see to it that he's expelled from every school in Royal Woods."

Brian stared at his phone in horror. He then glowered at his phone screen as if he was staring directly at the type of child predator he was talking to. The anger emanating from Brian's body was so chilling that his own wife and daughters, let alone Lincoln, instinctively shivered despite him not even looking directly at them.

"Your rules no longer apply. We're pulling him," Brian snarled before hanging up. "Paige, Lindsay, get up and let's go. I'm going to take you two to school, where you will get your things, and get out. You two and Lincoln are homeschooled, effective IMMEDIATELY. Lincoln, Linda, Becky, unless I say so, you three stay here."

Linda and Becky traded glances, knowing that the firm tone in their patriarch's voice made it clear that there would be no arguing with him. Right after Paige and Lindsay left the dining room with barely half-eaten breakfasts, the loud slamming of the front door and the screeching of tires were all that could be heard in the distance.

A little after 9 o'clock that morning, Mrs. Johnson's students listened, with bated breath, to the morning announcements.

Clyde said through the intercom, "I repeat, the Morticians Club… all you spooky emo yutes that are into digging up bodies… link up at Room 113 after school, szeen? But yo, like, keep all that Casper activity in that room, ya 'na I'm sayin, or mans might have to perform some exorcisms, real talks. Now, I'm gonna have Principal Huggins come on and say something to the school."

The students groaned audibly, but Mrs. Johnson quickly shushed the children.

Principal Huggins was heard through the intercom saying, "Thank you, Clyde. As many of you know, over the past couple of weeks, there have been reports of numerous incidents of bullying, harassment, and instigation of bad luck throughout this school. Thanks to our new Anti-Bullying Policy, I am proud to report that the perpetrator of these incidents, Lincoln Loud, has been expelled from Royal Woods Elementary School."

Gasps rang through most of the classrooms of Royal Woods Elementary School as Principal Huggins continued, "Let this serve as a warning that any student caught bullying, harassing, or causing bad luck unto another, could potentially face similar consequences. This is a measure my staff and I are taking to best preserve the sanctity of the learning environment at Royal Woods Elementary School. Thank you, and have a great day."

Many of the students in Mrs. Johnson's class turned to stare at the empty seat usually occupied by Paige.

Girl Jordan voiced everyone's thoughts when she whispered to Mollie, "If Huggins is using Lincoln as an example… who knows what he did to Paige?"

Mollie fretted, "I think he might be onto her and Lindsay, too!"

Girl Jordan panicked, "He might be onto all of us!"

Mollie tried to reassure Girl Jordan, "Listen, girl, even if they're gone, remember what they told us. As long as we act normal and follow the rules, we should be good."

Girl Jordan cried, "But how can we-"

"Our day will come," Mollie consoled. "Just… try to focus, OK? If we can't control ourselves, we won't be able to strike back against... whatever this has become."

Girl Jordan nodded and steeled herself to focus on the blackboard in front of her.

Reactions throughout the rest of Royal Woods Elementary School were decidedly mixed.

In a nearby fifth grade classroom, Ronnie Anne buried her face on top of her desk, covering it with her arms and whimpering to herself.

Next door to Ronnie Anne's classroom, Connor whispered to Flat Tire, "Pineapple Boy got expelled instead of the dancing pimp? When he wasn't even there? Mayne, something stinks about this."

Flat Tire remarked, "Yeah, and right after that… wait, Pineapple Boy?"

Connor muttered, "Don't ask."

A floor below, in Miss Allegra's classroom, Lola scoffed to Winston, "Finally! Now, Lincoln's bad luck isn't going to screw us over in school anymore!"

Winston whispered, "And I bet you'll like this even more: I haven't seen Lindsay all morning!"

Lola gasped. "Really?"

Winston nodded.

Lola burst, "I knew things would turn around for us some day! Not that they've not been great, but you know what I mean!"

Meanwhile, in another corner of the classroom, Lana lamented, "Aww, now he'll never be able to give us good luck in school!"

Lana's muddy friend, Faith, reminded her, "Didn't… um… you know who get a new squirrel suit for Lincoln?"

Lana immediately started growling and muttering Marcus Quick's and Lynn Jr.'s names under her breath.

Faith winced, "Ooh… sorry, Lans."

Lana sighed, "It's OK. It's just this whole thing is bugging me."

Faith assured Lana, "It's alright. Hey, wanna dig for some leftovers in the trash?"

Lana's stomach rumbled. "Are you kidding? I've been starving all morning! I don't know if I can hold out 'till lunch, though."

Faith assured, "I've got you. Maybe we can spring for a grass salad at recess?"

Lana smiled, "Sounds great!"

Over in one of the school's third-grade classrooms, Haiku gasped and texted Lucy, "Huggins expelled Lincoln."

Surprisingly, Lucy didn't reply immediately, prompting Haiku to text, "Morticians Club meeting after school if you're interested".

Lucy texted back, "I thought you were done with me. Also, I can't be at that school. I'm expelled."

Haiku replied, "We'll meet you at Rocky's house after the meeting, a little after 5. Thanks to the pics you showed me and the Sweetwaters, we can make the Huggins plan work now. We're also going to try to get Lincoln reinstated".

In the back seat of Rodney Spokes' car, Lucy texted Haiku thumbs-up and heart emojis.

Shortly after that, Rodney tried to encourage Lucy, "Alright, we're about to turn in! Ready to give some dudes the best duds?!"

Lucy groaned, "Sigh. Why are you taking me here?"

Rodney stated, "Well, somebody's gotta look after you."

Lucy started, "You shouldn't-", before gasping at the sight of Duds for Dudes' storefront.

While making sure to turn on his left turn signal, Rodney asked, "Lucy? What's wrong?"

Lucy pointed out, "Your store."

Rodney chuckled, "Ain't nothin' old Rodney Spokes can't-", before gasping as he fully took in the sight of his store.

The windows, which once displayed suit-covered mannequins, the front door, and any other glass surfaces, were completely smashed out, broken glass littering the surrounding sidewalk and spilling onto the road itself. Most of the mannequins had been knocked down, the wood pieces that supported them looked smashed, and the suits those mannequins donned were to rags. The store's brick exterior walls were filled with vulgar and disturbing graffiti in varying colors. The "Duds for Dudes" wordmark had been crossed out, replaced by a purple spray-painted, "CLOTHES FOR CREEPS." Just below that was a graffiti drawing, in red and black spray paint, depicting Rusty as a donkey and Rodney as the devil handing him money.

Among some of the other slogans spray-painted onto the store's brick finish were:

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF OUR MOTHERFUCKING TOWN, GODDAMN SICK HICK"
"GO FUCK YOURSELF, BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE WILL!"
"GO BACK TO FUCKING YOUR COUSINS INBRED SCUM"
"PERVERT SHOP"
"BREAK THE SPOKES"
"THE ODDS ARE NEVER IN OUR FAVOR"
"ALL SPOKES MUST DIE"

Rodney and Lucy's jaws dropped in terror, the steady sound of the car's blinker being the only thing to break the silence. As Rodney and Lucy surveyed the damage, Rodney heard the loud honking of the horn of the car behind him.

Rodney gulped. "R-right, r-right. L-let's go."

Rodney then turned into the parking lot and backed into his owner's parking spot, all while driving over shards of broken glass. Rodney inwardly panicked that the shards would puncture his tires, but for the moment, his car still seemed to drive fine.

After Rodney turned off the ignition, he warned Lucy, "Watch your step."

Lucy muttered, "Sigh," as she unbuckled her seatbelt and got out of the car. As Lucy sidestepped a shard of broken glass, she picked it up and gazed into it, briefly contemplating slashing herself with said shard.

Rodney called out, "Come on, Lucy! Let's go!", triggering Lucy to gasp and drop the shard of glass before briskly walking to catch up with Rodney.

As Rodney and Lucy walked to the front door, or rather, where it once stood, they winced yet again.

Rodney mouthed, "Oh. My. God."

The front door to Duds for Dudes had been ripped off its hinges, with the glass also smashed out, forming a beautifully messy tapestry of broken glass on the floor of either side of the door. Rodney and Lucy braved the broken glass pile together, crushing numerous fragments of glass under their shoes.

The interior of the store turned out to be in even worse shape than the exterior. Shelves were knocked down with half of Duds for Dudes' inventory missing, and the other half recklessly strown about the store. The display cases were smashed out, their former contents missing. The cash register appeared to be crushed, and, upon further inspection by Rodney, fully looted of all its contents. The doors into many of the stores' staff-only rooms didn't fare much better than the door leading into the store itself, also being torn off their hinges and having glass smashed out of them. Unfortunately, the staff area also appeared to be in much the same state as the main shopping floor. Office chairs had been disintegrated and smashed to pieces. The employee bathroom appeared flooded with toilet water, urine, and feces, with half of the toilets themselves, the towel dispenser, and the soap dispenser ripped from their hinges. Even the water pipes leading into the building showed signs of external damage. As Rodney navigated his condemned store, shock, anguish, horror, and terror combined to overwhelm him to the point of tears.

Lucy, nearly driven to tears herself, tried to console, "Mr. Spokes, I'm so, so, sorry."

Mr. Spokes sniffled as he turned to Lucy. As he held his gaze at the girl, he suddenly realized that what had happened to his store was part of a trend of rising tension and aggression in Royal Woods that only seemed to be accelerating. Rusty had to go to school on crutches. Rocky told Rodney about the glares and stares he faced from the majority of his fellow students after Rusty's stunt, despite the respect he had previously held amongst them. As if that wasn't enough, Lucy's situation added another challenging wrinkle. Glazing over the ruins of his store, Rodney realized that it would be a tall order for the police to actually apprehend anybody associated with the crime. With all this in mind, he made his decision.

"We're outta here," he told Lucy.

Lucy asked, "But shouldn't you-"

"The police ain't gonna catch whodunnit," Rodney pointed out. "The security cameras were wrecked. Come on, let's bounce."

Lucy muttered, "Sigh," before following Rodney out of the store.

As Rodney walked through the ruins of the store, he turned back to see if Lucy was following him. While doing so, an idea suddenly came to him that seemed sensible yet unorthodox at the same time. Rodney's hand briefly hovered over his phone, but Rodney quickly realized that in order for this idea to work, he'd need to clear it with Lucy first. With this in mind, he led Lucy to the car, turned off the ignition, and sped off.

As Rodney drove off, he vowed, "Lucy, we're getting out of this town. You, me, Rocky, and Rusty."

Lucy gasped. "You can't."

Rodney yelled, "Did you see my store?!"

Lucy pleaded with Rodney, "I know, but you can't-"

"My brother and his wife live out in West Virginia," Rodney stated. "We can live there until I get back on my feet."

Lucy agreed, "Oh, makes sense."

Rodney thought out loud, "Alright, just gotta go to the ATM before picking up Rocky and Rusty."

Lucy asked, "The ATM? Why?"

Rodney sighed. "You know, I just realized if you're coming with us, we can't just have you sleeping on guest furniture. So… I was thinking of going to the Loud House and buying your furniture back from that family."

"No," Lucy hissed. "Those monsters don't deserve a single. Cent."

Rodney suggested, "I thought it'd work out for everybody: you'll have your old furniture, Lily has food, they no longer think they're bad luck."

Lucy growled, "They've got formula and diapers over at the food bank. They don't want unlucky money, they can just go there. And as for my furniture… if they think it's bad luck, they deserve it, anyway."

Rodney stared aghast at Lucy. The fire and pain in her eyes made it clear to Rodney that she wasn't going to back down from her stance. Rodney ultimately shrugged his shoulders before continuing to drive eastbound, Lucy in tow.

By 11:45 AM, everyone was seated at the cafeteria eating their lunches and discussing things amongst themselves. Liam and Zach marched over to the Cannonball Gang's table, inviting glares from them.

Liam confronted the girls, "Alright, y'all, spill."

Zach asked, "What's going on with Lincoln, and what do you know about it?"

The Cannonball Gang traded glances.

Mollie snorted, "Even if we did know, why would we tell you?!"

Liam argued, "We're Lincoln's friends. We deserve to know."

Rachel shouted, "Friends?! Really?! That's what you call yourselves?!"

Zach cried, "Yes, we do!"

Cristina scoffed, "Like you guys are friends with Lincoln. Who suddenly means something to you because he just got expelled by Principal Huggins? You never really did know what you had until he was gone."

Zach countered, "Oh, you're one to talk, Ms. Switch Classes Because Lincoln's Apology Video to His Sisters Creeped You Out. You probably kiss the bust of that Boyz Will Be Boyz singer, like, every night before you go to bed! Ooh Girl, if I could? More like, Ooh Girl, no I won't! Witch, please. Those boys wouldn't touch you with a ten-foot pole, even if you were old enough for the adults around you to not call it 'bad touch'. What would happen if you were to see Boyz will be Boyz right now? You'd rush to them like, Oh, Justin, sweetie! I wuv you! You're so hot! Marry me! They'd have to get security to hold you back. Meanwhile, Lincoln's only contact with you is releasing an embarrassing video of himself that one of his sisters probably filmed just to apologize to them. You talk about Lincoln's place? I've been there. The word, madhouse, doesn't even begin to describe it. And if you're as popular as you think, you'd have heard about what goes on at that circus. Has it ever crossed your mind that Lincoln might have known the cameras were rolling, and was just acting because his sisters are oh-so-obsessed with the idea of romance, and probably pressured him into it? Who knows, maybe you're stupid. Or heartless. Or a hypocrite. Or maybe, you're option D on the test: all of the above."

The girls hardened their glares at Liam and Zach.

Kat snarked, "You know, you talk an awful lot for someone who the girls wouldn't have touched with a twenty-foot pole at last year's Sadie Hawkins dance were it not for Lincoln."

Zach snarled, "Oh, you too? Don't act like you're any better. It's not like I ever saw any of you defending Lincoln whenever he got bullied. Especially you, Girl Jordan. Does dodgeball ring a bell?! OK, let's go outside of gym class: how many times have you girls led the school in bullying him, even after he told his side of the story? Are you doing it to impress Chandler and them? Or do you just get thrills out of it? Remember when Lincoln's sister came to class and she was so smart she vaporized our homework? And then when she started acting 'normal' when she put that shock-collar around her? You immediately started acting like she, a friggin' kindergartner, was the best thing since sliced bread! When was the last time I ever saw one of you treating Lincoln with respect, let alone hanging out with him?! Or are we too 'uncool'? Except your 'dream man', Clyde? Which is weird because at one point, Girl Jordan, we were apparently cool enough to hang out with you. And by the way, before you ask, no, we're not counting the times you hung out with Lincoln, and only Lincoln, after Clyde somehow became Mr. Popular."

Liam gasped, "That's it, ain't it? You guys don't like Lincoln… you like Clyde. And not even the real Clyde that we know. That Lincoln knows. Just the version with the Jamaican accent. The version that came back after you sent him into hiding after the Girl Guru incident."

Joy roared, "The Girl Guru?! You two want to talk about taking advice from the Girl Guru?! After you two were also in our angry mob and threw pies at him? Especially you, farmer boy. Who the Girl Guru's advice worked for, by the way. And that's ignoring the fact that you gave him the idea. You want to talk about being a hypocrite… look in a friggin' mirror. Maybe then you'll find more than flies circling around your body."

Liam scowled, "Says a girl who vowed she'd 'totally destroy' Lincoln while he was the self-proclaimed Girl Guru."

Joy countered, "You'd be mad, too, if a frog got stuck in your hair. Oh wait, not you, Liam. You live for that stuff! So you've got no right to talk!"

Sadie joined in, "See, at least we're straight with Lincoln. And at least we're not afraid to admit that Clyde is a hunk. And if Clyde wants Lincoln around… well, so be it. But you two… oh, you two. You pretend to act like his friends, but turn against him whenever it's convenient to you."

Zach put his hands on his hips. "What are you talking about?"

Girl Jordan rambled, "When his sister, Lisa, came into our class. And she breezed through Mrs. Johnson's classwork and made things super hard for us. And you three banished him, not Lisa, to the Sticky Table. And the only way he could get back to the Sticky Table was if Lisa started acting cool. Even though none of that was his fault. And the moment Ms. Shrivinas blamed Lincoln for causing the kindergarten strep throat epidemic, what did you three do? Banish him right back until Lisa cured everybody? And what consequences did Lisa, the person actually responsible, get? None, that's right. Why?! Because you two, who are supposed to be his friends, turned on him any time you feel like he's a threat to the social status you have none of! Like Sadie said, at least we're honest. At least we visited Lincoln in the hospital. We apologized to him. We tried to make the school environment as welcoming for him as possible when he got back. But you? Who are supposed to stick by him through thick and thin? Where were you when Lincoln was in the hospital? Helping Rusty? Did you even bother to ask how Lincoln was doing, let alone apologize to him? Even after Clyde told the two of you what was going on? Or did you just want to sponge off Clyde to get to us?"

Liam roared, "Honest?! You're acting like Lincoln's friends. In reality, you're just a bunch of silly, giggly schoolgirls who are only around Lincoln for two reasons. The first one… let's talk about Clyde. Clyde, who is now the new Hot Guy On Campus ever since he started acting like a douchebag, is his best friend, and always keeps him around. And you know if you banished Lincoln, Clyde would leave with him. So you feel like you have to keep Lincoln around to stay around Clyde. Two… which also traces back to Clyde: because you can't make fun of him anymore, you found a new target: his sisters. In summary, you're not Lincoln's friends. You're just a bunch of bullies who happen to suddenly develop a crush on Clyde just because he looked different. You probably only apologized to Lincoln because Clyde told you to."

Cristina shot, "Well then, what does that make you two?"

Liam and Zach traded glances, knowing the real answer to that question.

Mollie muttered, "Thought so. And until you can truly find it in you to make things right by Lincoln, we're not talking to you about him. Or anything else, for that matter."

Zach cried, "OK, fine! We're sorry-"

"You say that to Lincoln," Joy hissed. "Not us. And we're not helping you find him. He told Paige he never wants to see you guys again. So, as Paige's friends, we don't want to see you again."

Zach's jaw dropped.

Liam urged Zach, "Come on, let's go."

Zach protested, "But-"

"Let's go," Liam repeated, dragging Zach behind him as the girls' glares followed them on their way out of the cafeteria.

Once out of the cafeteria, Zach whined, "Who do those girls think they are?"

Liam sighed, "Right."

Zach gave Liam a bewildered look. "What?"

Liam acknowledged, "We've been treating Lincoln like pig poop. All because his house is crazier than a funny farm. He should expect that from girls like them. Not from us, though. We were supposed to be his crew… and we let him down whenever we feel like sticking with him would make us uncool."

Zach started, "But we-"

"OPEN YOUR EYES, ZACH!", Liam roared. "I live on a farm thirty miles away from here and come to school smelling like mud every day! You have parents who think everything is a conspiracy theory, and that aliens and UFOs are coming any day now! We've had to sit at the Sticky Table for a week straight! We are NOT. COOL. We are NOT. POPULAR. We will never be popular! Especially after what Rusty did! And don't expect what happened to Clyde to happen to us! I know I don't have any popular relatives. Sure, Paige and Lindsay might be your cousins, but the fact that they left you out of the loop on something this big when they clearly know what's going on with Lincoln should tell you something. Let alone the fact that we haven't seen Paige all day. We're losers, and we don't even have the decency to be nice, loyal losers. I'm going to try to make things up with Clyde. He's the only shot we've got at finding Lincoln. I suggest you do the same with Paige and Lindsay."

Liam stormed off, leaving Zach alone with his thoughts. After a bit of contemplation, Zach finally texted Paige, "You and Lindsay OK?" The fact that Zach did not get an immediate reply, or even a change on the message status from "Sent" to "Seen", prompted him to sigh with regret.

Back in the cafeteria, Liam sheepishly walked back to the Cannonball Gang's table, which now also featured Clyde. The girls, who were giggling in Clyde's presence, immediately stopped to glare at him.

Rachel hissed, "What now? Back for more?"

Liam stared directly at Clyde and murmured, "I'm sorry," under his breath.

Girl Jordan asked, "What?"

Clyde insisted, "Yo, yo, lowe the man!"

Clyde wrestled himself free of the girls and marched towards Liam. Clyde then challenged Liam, "Repeat yourself. Louder this time."

Liam scanned the cafeteria, then looked directly back at Clyde. Slumping, he sighed, "I'm sorry."

Clyde turned back and saw the expectant eyes of the Cannonball Gang. He urged them, "Lowe us. Mans got some private matters to settle, styll."

Clyde commanded Liam, "Walk with me."

Liam nodded and followed Clyde out of the cafeteria and the school building itself.

Once they were near the portables, Clyde crossed his arms at Liam. "You were saying? You were sorry for what?"

Liam admitted, "I'm sorry… that I wasn't the friend I should've been to you and Lincoln. Chasing you out of town after the Girl Guru thing. Banishing Lincoln to the Sticky Table when Lisa made Mrs. Johnson go crazy. Making fun of him when he came back to school that first day after he was in the squirrel suit."

Clyde sighed, "You're gonna have to tell Lincoln that, two-twos. And yo, before I even let you get near Lincoln, I need a man to go to the hospital."

Liam shuddered. "The hospital? Why the hospital?"

Clyde told Liam, "Lisa might have implanted a tracking chip in you. I know because I found out she put one in me. Get that fixed, and then we'll talk."

Clyde walked away from Liam. Suddenly, after putting everything together, Liam gasped in realization.

Liam called out, "Wait!", forcing Clyde to stop in his tracks.

Once Liam saw he had Clyde's attention, he asked, "The squirrel suit thing… what was that really about?"

Clyde groaned, "Come back without a tracking chip, and I'll tell a man. No scam tings," before turning heel and walking away.

Meanwhile, the Sweetwaters began eating leftover Shepherd's pie for lunch.

Lindsay, who saw the text from Zach on Paige's phone screen, scoffed, "Let him wonder. Doesn't benefit us if Lisa can use your texts to track him down. And even if it weren't for that… we can't trust Zach, anyway."

Paige sighed, "You're right, Linds," before digging into her plate.

Suddenly, the home phone in the kitchen rang.

Brian told his family, "I'll get it!"

When Brian read the caller ID on the phone, he laughed to himself before putting the phone on speaker.

Brian resounded, "Hey, Bill! How's it going?"

Bill laughed, "Good, Bri! Hey, is this a bad time?"

Brian informed Bill, "No! We were just starting lunch!"

Bill beamed, "Alright! Is Lincoln with you guys?"

Brian gave a hearty laugh. "He sure is!", he boomed as he started walking back towards the table.

Bill chirped, "Great! Mind putting him on the line for me?"

Brian joked, "Hmm… I'll see," before smirking, "Hey, Lincoln, Bill Buck just called."

The Sweetwater females giggled, "Ooh," and proceeded to surround Lincoln as he took the phone from Brian's hand. Unbeknownst to Lincoln, Brian was recording the call, as well as Lincoln's reaction to it, for Becky to watch and react to when she could.

Shaking from his nerves, Lincoln stammered, "H-h-hi…. M-Mr. Bill Buck, sir."

Bill howled with laughter on the other end of the line. "Relax, son! Call me Bill!"

Lincoln sputtered out, "Oh. H-h-hi, B-Bill."

Bill chuckled. "Nice to meet you, Lincoln! Just wanted to call you to personally congratulate you on winning the Michigan Ace Savvy Comic Contest!"

Lincoln was so stunned that for a brief moment, all he could do was stare at his phone with bulged eyes. "W-w-what?"

Bill explained, "Your sister, Lucy, along with the lovely folks I assume are surrounding you right now, told me that your school's principal, Mr. Huggins, stole your comic book idea. My team investigated these claims and found them to be true. Normally, I would just have given the prize to the person who would have come in second place, but after Brian and Linda told me your story, I felt that it was only right to give you your well-deserved victory."

Lincoln peeped, "S-s-sir… y-you s-shouldn't-"

"Ace Savvy believes in dealing out justice," Bill Buck proclaimed, "both good and bad. And as Ace Savvy'screator, well, I feel like I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't follow his greatest principle."

Lincoln gasped. "W-wow. I can't believe… Sir-"

"But wait, there's more!", Bill interjected.

Brian bellowed, "Tell him what he's won, Bill!"

Bill stated, "First of all, there's a big, shiny trophy that should come to your house in the next couple of days. Second, and most importantly, how would you like me to pay you a visit next weekend to help you publish a new, official Ace Savvy comic series starring the Justice Friends and the Ten-Headed Beast!"

The Sweetwaters barely contained their excitement as they flashed wide grins at Lincoln.

Lincoln stuttered, "Y-y-yes s-sir."

Bill laughed. "Great! See you next weekend!"

Lincoln sputtered, "S-see y-ya. B-bye," before ending the call.

Paige, Lindsay, and Linda immediately squealed at the top of their lungs, while Brian lifted Lincoln off his seat, pulled him into a tight hug, ruffled his hair, and kissed his forehead. Within seconds, the Sweetwater females made it a group hug, joining in squeezing the life out of Lincoln.

Paige cheered, "Way to go, Lincoln!"

Lindsay roared, "Finally, a real trophy for Linky!"

Linda gushed, "We're all so proud of you, sweetie!"

Brian exulted, "Congratulations, kiddo!"

Despite his initial overwhelm, with time, Lincoln managed to soak all the praise he was receiving in and relax into the hug. After a bit, he told the Sweetwaters, "T-thanks, guys!"

Sensing Lincoln growing short of breath, the Sweetwaters let him go.

Lindsay bragged, "See, what did I tell you all?!"

Linda chuckled, "We're proud of you, too, Lindsay."

Brian added, "Heck, I'm proud of all of you girls for helping Lincoln out."

Linda asked, "Speaking of 'all our girls', does Becky know about this?"

Brian vowed, "I recorded this for her to watch! I'm going to text her right now!"

As he did, the Sweetwater females continued to sing Lincoln's praises, complete with hair ruffles, hugs, and kisses all over his face.

A few minutes later, Lincoln received a text from Becky: "OMG CONGRATULATIONS LINCOLNOVICH!", complete with firework, confetti, and heart-eyed emojis. Becky then sent another text to Lincoln in the form of a video. When Lincoln opened the video, he saw Becky and her friends, seated at their lunch table, chirping, "CONGRATUALTIONS, LINCOLN!", before hollering. A touched Lincoln replied with smiley-faced and heart-eyed emojis of his own.

Rusty, Rodney, Rocky, and Lucy had spent the latter part of the morning and the entire afternoon packing their things to move out of the Spokes house as quickly as possible. Since Rusty found it hard to lift heavy things in his current physical condition, he packed the lighter things on the main floor into boxes while Rodney, Rocky, and Lucy teamed up to pack up everything in the basement and the items on the main floor that Rusty couldn't lift and pack by himself. Clyde, who had initially come over after school to spy on the Spokes family, provided a massive boost to the moving effort by helping Rusty list the house on Nickslist and helping Rodney, Rocky, and Lucy load their furniture into the moving van.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang.

Rodney, who was busy loading an orange-yellow couch into a big Fast Movers van, whipped his neck around and called out, "We're busy! Mind giving us a couple of minutes?!"

While doing so, the couch shifted in his arms. Rocky, Lucy, and Clyde tried to steady it, but they weren't strong enough to do so, forcing them to drop the couch quickly and jump out of the way.

Rodney groaned, "Dang it," and walked over to examine the couch. After doing so, he exhaled, "Phew. At least it's not broken."

Meanwhile, Rocky suggested to Lucy, "I think that's your Morticians Club or whatever. Why don't you go over there? See what they want?"

Lucy muttered, "I shouldn't be so selfish as to leave the three of you to do this by yourselves."

Clyde promised, "Yo, Rocky, Mr. Spokes, and I, got this, styll."

Rocky pointed out, "Plus, at least you'll get an opportunity to say goodbye to your friends."

Lucy started, "I don't-"

"You've got to stop punishing yourself," Rocky scolded. "And if you're worried about being selfish, well, you'd be selfish to your friends if you didn't at least give them a proper farewell."

Lucy admitted, "Sigh, I guess you're right," before walking to the front door to join the Morticians Club.

When she did, Haiku asked, "Moving away?"

Lucy nodded, "Sigh. They're moving away."

Morpheus asked, "Why?"

Lucy pulled out her phone and showed the Morticians Club a slideshow of the pictures she and Rodney had taken of the damage done to Duds for Dudes. The Morticians Club's jaws dropped in horror.

As one, the Morticians Club muttered, "Gasp."

Haiku asked, "Did they catch the guys who did this?"

Lucy informed Haiku, "The security cameras were destroyed. Mr. Spokes told me this meant the police wouldn't be able to catch the perps even if they tried."

A horrified Bertrand asked, "Does this mean-"

"I won't be coming with them," Lucy interrupted. "I can't."

Morpheus cried, "Why?"

Lucy countered, "After what I did to Lincoln? I shouldn't be able to leave. Not at least until… oh, who am I kidding? I'm not even in the mood to accept an apology from those people. Why would Lincoln accept one from me?"

Boris offered, "Well, instead of standing around, we should probably help you help the Spokes pack. Boris knows Rusty can't do it."

Lucy contemplated Boris' offer. "Hmm… I guess the Spokes could use the extra hands."

Dante scolded, "And don't you even try to get out of this using that mask of self-pity, Lucy."

Lucy promised, "I won't."

With that, the Morticians Club moved to help Clyde and the Spokes family load everything into the moving truck. Within just over an hour, the Morticians Club helped Rodney, Rocky, and Lucy pack the final piece of furniture, Rodney's bed, into the moving van, allowing Rodney to close it.

Rodney chirped, "Phew… and that's that! Well done, guys! And thanks!"

Haiku muttered, "Don't mention it, Mr. Spokes."

Persephone asked Lucy, "Can you still stick around, Lucy? We have some very important things to discuss."

Lucy turned to Rocky and Rodney, who smiled at her.

"Go ahead," Rodney assured. "I've gotta check with the realtor if I can sell this house."

Persephone offered, "You know, my mom's a realtor. She could probably help you out."

Persephone then pulled out her phone and called her mom.

"Hi, Percy!", a friendly voice chirped.

"Hey, Mom," Persephone murmured. "I've got another client for you."

"Thanks, sweetie, but can it wait until Monday? The weekend just started."

Persephone sighed. "Look, these are my friends. They, uh, are getting bullied, and their dad's store was looted, spray-painted with graffiti, and basically destroyed. I'm guessing by those bullies."

An audible gasp was heard on the other end of the line.

Persephone summarized, "Point is, they need to move out of here as soon as possible. I can put you on the line with their dad now."

"Oh, uh, sure, no problem. Put him on."

"Thanks, mom. But you should probably call him back at his number."

"Understood. Just text me it and I'll be on it."

"Will do. Bye, mom."

Persephone hung up and gave Rodney her mom's number. As Rodney started to talk to Persephone's mom, Persephone whispered, "That should keep him occupied. Now, let's go somewhere private so we can talk."

Lucy asked, "You aren't gonna beat me up or anything?"

Haiku deadpanned, "If we were, we would've done it as soon as we found out about what you did to Lincoln."

Lucy mused, "Fair enough. I guess with the house emptied out, we can pick a room."

Rocky murmured, "Mm-hmm."

Rusty concurred, "Go ahead."

With that, the Morticians Club walked through and closed the nearest door they could find, which turned out to lead to the basement.

As they walked, Haiku texted Clyde, "We're going to the basement. Keep an eye on the Spokes, we're good".

Clyde responded with a thumbs-up.

Once in the basement, Haiku and the Morticians Club stood together and faced Lucy.

Lucy asked, "What?"

Haiku hissed, "As you know, Principal Huggins got Lincoln expelled unfairly."

Lucy growled, "And the worst part? Any way we try to expose him, it backfires. Unlike what seems to be happening to me and my sisters lately. And there's nothing we can do about it! I mean, it's not like he likes Princess Pony secretly or anything."

The Morticians Club traded hesitant glances.

Boris blurted, "Boris enjoyed trying out for the cheerleading squad. I mean, it's nothing like Princess Startail trying out for the cheerleading squad and getting laughed out of the room, only to outcheer them in the end."

Lucy gasped, "You-"

"And I enjoy long walks through the countryside. Like the ones Stardust Sparkle often goes on. Sometimes I wish I could ride on her back through the countryside," Persephone admitted.

Lucy winced, "You guys aren't-"

"I'm not all doom and gloom," Morpheus added. "I loved it when Chris Stone taught Meadowlark Breeze how to joke back at the ponies that made fun of her."

Lucy's pleaded, "Guys, don't do this."

"I've got a stamp collection that's just like Lincoln's coin collection," Dante revealed. "And what you told me about him reminded me of that one time they locked Prince Sparklehoof out of the castle for telling the ruler, Empress Moonfire, that she had lost her 'sparkle'".

Bertrand hissed, "Even though it was true, and it wasn't Sparklehoof's fault! I long for a world that's sunny like that."

Lucy could only stare in silence. Finally, she turned to Haiku, who shrank in her place.

"You too, Haiku?", Lucy asked.

Haiku sighed. "I've… snuck into a show or two. I just disguised myself like you did when you tried to go on that date with Rocky."

Lucy shuddered. "Don't remind me."

Haiku gave Lucy a quizzical look.

Lucy yelped. "It's not about him! He's great. It's just… those bitches tried to change me after Lincoln told me I should be more 'normal'… and I fell for it. Lincoln was right… in the cruelest way possible."

Lucy then slumped to the floor and put her face in her hands in shame.

Bertrand consoled, "Look, no matter what happened between you and him, you can only try to do the right thing by him from here on out. And besides, being a vanilla Princess Pony fan isn't the worst thing in the world."

Lucy countered, "You guys are Morticians. Princess Pony is the antithesis of everything-"

"We," Haiku interjected. "We are Morticians. And like you, we need a break from the darkness, too."

Haiku then sighed with dread. "And that's what's going to make this hard to do."

Lucy told Haiku, "You don't have to-"

Haiku asked, "Remember when you told me and the Sweetwaters about your situation?"

Lucy nodded, "Yeah."

Haiku revealed, "The dad, Brian: he's a tech executive. Speaking of which, you know Melissa?"

Lucy asked, "Lori's friend?"

Haiku nodded. "Brian hired Melissa to help him investigate Principal Huggins after you told him what was going on. After hacking into his phone, they found that Lord Tetherby's charity, the Lord Tobias Tetherby Foundation, is secretly a furry cult that like-likes kids and teens dressed in diapers."

Lucy stiffened in horror and shock as Haiku pulled out her phone to open up the co-conspirators' groupchats.

Once she was done, Haiku showed her phone screen to Lucy. "If you don't believe us, I'm gonna show you a few some of Principal Huggins' selfies."

Lucy's stomach turned and her face turned green as she watched Haiku scroll through Principal Huggins' numerous selfies. Some of those selfies even had Principal Huggins wearing a full diaper, complete with a yellowish stain on the front and a brown stain on the back, which Principal Huggins hashtagged, "crinkleswag".

Morpheus muttered, "It gets worse."

Lucy rasped, "Worse? How can it get worse?"

Haiku showed Lucy pictures of Principal Huggins sending over basches of his former students' pictures from their fifth grade Baby Book assignments. Further pictures revealed that some of the groupchat's other members would photoshop these pictures to show each student with a loaded diaper. When Lucy saw Lincoln's picture, Lucy sprinted to the nearest garbage can that she could find and vomited, the Morticians Club in hot pursuit.

Lucy gagged, "How is he even getting away with this?"

Bertrand explained, "Two reasons. One: they do it on a private messaging app. Two, the number of powerful people in this cult is insane."

Lucy's eyes popped. "Who… who else is in it?"

Persephone rattled off, "Pretty much every school staff member, at all the schools. The entire school board. The police. City council. Mayor Davis and her aides. Flip. That manager at that one grocery store you guys got kicked out of. Among others."

Lucy shuddered, "L-Lord T-Tetherby… L-Lincoln… t-together… i-in the l-limo… t-that whole day," the implications triggering another vomiting spell.

Haiku muttered, "I don't know if this makes it any better, but we heard that they're supposed to have a 'Celebration of Life' for Lord Tetherby at the mall tomorrow."

Lucy gasped, "What?"

Morpheus confirmed, "Apparently, he died. Three gunshot wounds to the head."

Lucy mused, "Those people I used to live with found their house pets buried in Lord Tetherby's backyard. With someone like Tetherby being dead, it's strange to me that the place wasn't surrounded by police tape. I guess his neighbors hated him just as much as we did."

Dante concurred, "Yeah, I suppose. After all, who knows what stuff they've seen?"

Haiku gasped. "Wait a minute… seen… thanks, Dante."

Dante asked, "What… what do you want to do?"

Haiku sighed. "How about we give those school students… a real assembly?"

Lucy muttered, "No. We can't put them through that again."

Boris proposed, "We won't go through the teachers this time. It's gonna be a secret assembly after school. We've got the weekend to prepare, so maybe if we can beat the teachers to the auditorium, we can expose them for who they are."

Lucy scoffed, "Fat chance. Do you know how much work it takes to prepare an assembly? Also, I'm expelled, so I wouldn't be able to help you."

Haiku goaded Lucy, "You must have taken something from your sisters' antics. Between the rockstar, psycho clown, glitter girl, her muddy twin, and Dr. Evil, you'd probably have seen them enough to learn their tricks and figure out how to put an assembly together. And if you're worried about the fact that you're expelled, well, you crawled through vents all the time to get into Lincoln's business. This time, you can use it to actually do something good."

Lucy looked down. "Sigh. I mean… I guess."

Haiku smiled, "Good. You'll act as our lookout."

Lucy thought aloud, "Hmm… none of the credit… and the ability to take the fall if anything goes wrong. I like that."

Haiku smirked, "Alright. Now, onto the next thing: do you know if Lisa still has a tracking chip implanted in you?"

Lucy gasped. "I told you, she removed all our tracking chips! The night Lincoln got his surgery! My… ugh… parents even threatened to ground her if she didn't."

Bertrand sighed, "We know. We're just making sure. After what those monsters did to you and Lincoln, we wouldn't put it past them to lie about that."

Lucy told the Morticians Club, "I'll give Lisa this: she's not a liar. She's a lot of things… secretive, sadistic, psychopathic… but she'll brag about literally everything she does. Warranted or not."

Persephone pleaded, "Well, you should still go to the hospital to get checked out. I think my mom's coming by to look at the house, so maybe she can drive you there."

Lucy insisted, "Even if Lisa didn't take out the tracking chip, the Louds would probably not want me in the house, anyway. Bad luck and all."

The Morticians Club traded glances, seeing Lucy's point.

Finally, Persephone offered, "Speaking of bad luck… if you really want to see some bad luck, my mom can drive us to Lynn's football game."

Lucy winced, "Gag."

Haiku promised, "Don't worry. The spirits tell me that she is going to have an… unlucky game."

Lucy couldn't prevent the slightest smirk on her face from forming. "Count me in."

Haiku grinned. "Excellent. Tell the Spokes boys where you're going. I'm sure they'll understand."

As Lucy nodded, Persephone assured the group, "I'll tell my mom to pick us up here and drop us off before meeting with Rusty's dad."

The Morticians Club then walked upstairs as Persephone notified her mom of the change in plans.

Lucy then told Rodney, "I'm going with my friends to watch Lynn's football game."

Rodney sputtered, "Lynn's game? Why on earth would you want to watch that?"

Lucy explained with a sigh, "You were right. If I'm gonna move away, I should get a chance to say goodbye to my friends and family… one last time. Even if my family doesn't want me around because I'm bad luck, I'd still feel a little bad if I left them hanging."

Rodney smiled proudly at Lucy. He then asked, "Who's picking you up?"

Persephone stepped in, "My mom. Sorry."

Rodney beamed, "It's all Gucci. You guys go on and have fun."

Haiku smiled, "Thanks, Mr. Spokes."

Suddenly, Persephone's mom pulled up in her realtor minivan and honked her car horn.

Persephone smirked, "I think that's her."

The Morticians Club quickly walked out of the house towards Marilyn's van, waving goodbye to Clyde and the Spokes family as they did.

Lucy was just about to follow her clubmates out of the house when Rodney called her name.

Lucy turned around. "Yeah?"

Rodney urged, "Give Lynn hell, Lucy. Give her hell."

Lucy gave Rodney a slight nod before joining her clubmates in Marilyn's van.

Closing A/N: Originally, I was going to keep this down to Lucy's storyline with Rodney, which would have led directly into Lynn's football game. I initially also was going to have the game take place now… Friday afternoon. Then, I remembered, "OK, still got a few loose ends to tie up, might as well do it here." Before I knew it, I had a full chapter, and had to push back Lynn's football game to the next chapter. I also remembered that Friday Night Lights are a thing, so yeah. That would make more sense because Lynn's playing a high school game. On that note, if I don't publish another chapter for the next little bit, Merry Friggin' Christmas, y'all.

A/N 2: Time to play the guessing game of this chapter: Who left the graffiti on Rodney's store? On that note…

A/N 3: Honestly, I just wanted to have graffiti be a part of this fic somehow. That's why I had Rodney's store defaced. Also, West Virginia made sense for the Spokes to go to… I mean, just look at them! They give off West Virginia vibes.

A/N 4: On the Danger List: Remember, it is a Danger List. Not an Innocence/Guilt list, or a Biggest Bully List. Several people asked me about it, and I know most of them are bagging on me, but still, I'm game. At its core, the Danger List is mostly based on a sort of "Ability" or "Potential Ability" Score. I placed Lana in the Top 3 Most Dangerous Loud House sisters list for several reasons:

4.1: Mechanical and wilderness survival skills: Would make her a massive asset that could keep the Louds alive and relatively OK if they were exiled/outcasted from urban society.

4.2: Athleticism/fighting ability: She wrestles two hundred-pound alligators. Willingly. At the age of six.

4.3: Disgust tolerance: Her propensity to eat garbage and willingness to get dirty means that she would have a better time than her siblings and parents if she had to forage for food. I decided to adopt the headcanon that this would make her immune system stronger, which also boosts her Danger Score. I decided her combination of this and my next quality were slightly higher than that possessed by Lola (10 + 6 for Lana vs. 1 + 10 for Lola, basically), which ultimately pushed her Danger Score above Lola's.

4.4: Lola Lite: While not as ruthless, feisty, and calculating as her twin, she is not to be underestimated in these departments. She worked with her twin to scam Lincoln out of his money for lowered-quality Bluebell Scout cookies. She won in Lola's place at a beauty pageant. She can keep Lola at bay despite the two being roommates.

4.5: Mental instability: Of the Louds, she has gone the craziest over the Loud pets being dead.

4.6: Her only real weaknesses seems to be her attachment to nature and animals, which were already taken care of during the Quick raid, and a pretty nasty rhubarb allergy which she knows about. Any attempts to act on the rhubarb allergy would likely result in the co-conspirators' cover getting blown.

And now, I ain't done this in a long time, but here's to the reviews:

- Eyowtiqrup, Guest who said this makes South Park look like Sesame Street, WeirdSweetNerd97, DJ Sprouts: Like you wouldn't believe. If you've been reading the news lately, you'll understand what I based Principal Huggins and his cronies on. If you haven't, well… I guess you'll have to find out.

- Saccharine Melody, Grayfinity, & Master Kruegar: Just remember that even a slight breeze can drastically shift a house of cards. And it's getting windy.

- Delquea, Gage the Hedgehog: Weep. The salt from your tears of unfathomable sadness nourishes me.

- qazplm6969: Nah, her stomach just doesn't agree with the spicy goodness that is Jamaican food! I swear! Really!

- Pedro Alonso Buby Huayanay Zam: Ronnie Anne is the type of girl that resorts to fists and humiliation first and talking and empathy later, if ever. At least early on in the Loud House.

- Guest 2: Boo, you're no fun!

- Afallon: Bonus round speed run: Rita seems to wear the pants in her relationship with Senior, can fly a helicopter, and has probably picked up a few things from her Vietnam veteran of a dad. Senior, meanwhile, is a pussyboi who can only cook and faints at the mention of Halloween. Leni is a wildcard and stronger and way more accident-prone than Luna, which, when given what someone like Lisa has at her disposal, pushed the fashionista above the rocker. Lily's diapers could canonically classify as chemical WMD's, and she has relatively high awareness for a baby that makes me feel like I could have placed her higher.

How will Lynn respond to being the first-ever seventh grade girl to start at quarterback in high school? Will Lucy ditch Royal Woods with the Spokes? And how can things possibly not devolve into anarchy? Find out next chapter on… REVERSAL! OF! FORTUNE!