The warm feeling of the coin had distracted Cody.

The canoe challenge was rarely anything of note (and this time around, it just got another wonder twin eliminated), and while on Boney Island he had gotten what he needed, but he struggled to maintain his energy. The compounding factors of reconciling with Alejandro, before being confronted by Noah learning his secret terrified him. Alejandro for suggesting he was wrong, and Noah for finding everything out so easily .

Cody shivered, never feeling more vulnerable than he did right now. It was as if he was nude for the world to see, completely exposed for the first time since… well, as far back as he could remember honestly. The last time he was ever truly himself was on the playa, and even then that was only when he was sure the cameras were off. His little "codemeister" persona… and now here he was, forming an Alejandro persona, only to have the real thing call it a mistake.

And now, Noah…

"It's not right for someone to intrude on your pain like that." A feminine voice said in his ear. It seemed he reached the point where he heard her outside his dreams now, but thanks to Alejandro, he recognized this voice as another poor soul like him. "You can't take back all of it… but there is a way to help reclaim your dignity."

Cody looked up at that, despite nobody actually being there. "How do I do that?" he asked, the coin still gripped in his hand.

"That coin represents your burden, your pain." The voice soothed him, enveloping his mind in its calm tones. "I can help you by sharing that burden. Noah, as nice as he can be, exposed it for personal gain, to hold it over you. That's not right."

"Is it? Don't you think I deserve something like that?"

"Nobody deserves that."

"Cody!" Chris smiled, throwing a paintball gun his way. "You get to be a hunter too."

This was less than surprising. Chris based the hunter/deer roles entirely on how you played in the game. If you seem like you could cause conflict, or were hiding something in Cody's case, you got to be a hunter. If you were a tough guy or relatively docile at the moment, you got to be a deer. Cody honestly wished he could be a deer, just out of some sort of familiarity, but the way he played pushed him towards the antagonist role in the game.

Looking over, he saw Noah was a deer. Not surprising, the only times he got the hunter role were when Cody aimed to eliminate all the biggest threats early, but the Gophers still had strong players like Trent and Owen. As Noah ran off, Cody made sure to burn the path he took before he got out of view- he was a loose end that couldn't afford to remain.

Underestimating Noah might have been a fatal mistake- he was a powerful player when given the chance to thrive, and giving him that chance was a necessary risk to eliminate Duncan early. But, at least Duncan wouldn't intrude his mind like that!

"Do you want to hunt together Cody?" A familiar voice popped up next to him. Looking to his right, he saw Beth, eager as ever to get started. "I know we're on different teams, but this game will probably last hours, and who knows what could be in there…"

It was better to let her off easy.

"Sorry Beth. We'll hang out once the game is over, but I don't want Courtney to think I'm 'conspiring with the other side'." He stuck his tongue out in a playful way, which convinced Beth.

"Okay!" Beth chirped before standing on the tips of her toes and planting a wet kiss on Cody's cheek. After the talent show, Cody decided it would be better to just have them be a thing- it got him in deeper with the Gopher side, and kept his buttering up of Courtney platonic. That, and it helped to have someone so dedicated to him on hand.

Watching the wannabe run off, Cody ran in the opposite direction, hoping to catch Noah and get this over with.

"Noah!" Cody shouted as he finally caught sight of the nerd. He was just laying in the grass, book in hand, no care in the world. But, Cody's voice caused him to slowly sit up, looking at him with the same smug smirk he'd been wearing since Cody got the coin back.

"I was waiting for this to happen." Noah stood and brushed off his shorts. "So, what did you want to say?"

"Forget it." It was a statement, one that Cody said rather pathetically. How could Noah just forget time travel ? "Just… forget everything you saw, everything about me. I'll give you all of the winnings if you do, I don't care about that."

That got Noah's attention. "I've been curious about your motivations. You say you don't want the winnings, and yet you want to win. Are you just on an ego trip?"

"I don't even want to be here!" Cody shouted, exasperated. "I've been trapped here for so long and I just want to get out! "

"Wait, so…" Noah looked briefly confused, but was putting the puzzle together in his head. "You don't even understand how or why you're time traveling? Wait, how long have you been 'trapped'?"

Cody felt clammy, cold sweat dripping down his face. He hated this, hated that someone found out about this without his consent, hated that Noah was using it as an excuse to antagonize him, and absolutely hated how pathetic he felt. His complete lack of control of the situation, that it spiraled this much.

"I shouldn't have to tell you any of that." Cody hated himself for saying that. He wanted someone to understand what was happening, and the appearance of Alejandro showed him that. He wanted someone to help him, tell him if he was doing the right thing, but… "You got your free look. That should be enough."

Cody wasn't expecting to be roughly shoved against a tree behind him, Noah pressing his body against it. Noah wasn't particularly strong, but at this moment Cody didn't want to fight back. Noah deserved some of this- especially for what was about to happen. What Cody planned to happen.

"How can you even say that?" Noah said, his voice stern and judging. "I see what you're playing at with Beth, do you even like her? Do you even like Courtney, or are you just executing some spiteful play, bringing up her ego just to have it all come tumbling down?"

"Because it's mine ." Cody knew it was childish. It was fine for him to play with the feelings and insecurities of others, but his own were off limits. He knew what he was doing to Beth was wrong, and despite how much he despised Courtney, she didn't deserve such disingenuous praise.

"Because it's your's?" Noah scoffed, removing the hand he used to press Cody's shoulder against the tree. He looked down at the other boy in complete disgust. "I feel bad about what I did, but I also recognize how terrible you are. You can't seem to recognize that."

Noah was wrong. Cody knew . But, Cody didn't want to tell him that truth, he didn't want to let him into his mind anymore.

A familiar growling was Cody's sign to roughly push past Noah and escape the situation, but even if it wasn't there he probably would've done that. He just wanted to escape .

He hadn't stopped glaring at Cody since the challenge ended.

Cody couldn't bring himself to leave the med tent, looking at Noah, stuck in that chair and in a full body cast. But, looking at him just made Cody hate everything more. He hated Noah, the camp, everyone here, whatever spiteful being trapped him here, but most of all he hated himself for letting this happen.

His slapdash last minute plan to 'deal' with Noah was something he had never planned on using. He considered it as an option, but it was always more reserved for himself- using freshly caught fish and seafood seasoning as a way to attract a bear, letting the scene linger on his body. Surprisingly, it actually worked, but the results were painful to look at.

"How do I make this situation feel better at all?" Cody wondered, clutching his head in his hands and avoiding the gaze of Noah for the first time since he got here. "How am I supposed to feel good about this?"

"You shouldn't." It was the voice again, the voice of a fellow time looper, prepared to chastise him. "What you did was awful."

"I've done something I can't take back." Cody agreed, looking at Noah's broken form briefly. "The best thing I can do is admit that his injuries were because of me and let this world end. Start over once more."

"That's just another way to run away." She grasped Cody's hand, the warmth of her spirit comforting him. "You have to confront what you've done. You have to accept it, and change."

"I have changed." Cody lied. He could feel a disapproving stare follow him as he said that, but the girl only sighed and continued.

"Come with me." Cody's hand was gently raised by the invisible figure, and he followed her out of the med tent.

"What are we doing here?" Cody asked, looking around the empty clearing. This was where… Gwen was the day she had her diary read aloud. The day he complimented the smell of her hair… His poor attempts at flirting offered a bit of levity to what he was feeling, but he lacked the energy to smile. He just had a hollow trace of nostalgia in his eyes.

"Privacy. I want to help you." The voice sounded, and Cody felt the warmth on his wrist. His hand had unconsciously drifted to the pocket, gripping his coin. "Let me look at it."

Cody resisted briefly, but decided to take the coin out, holding the loonie in his hands, the ominous words facing the sky. Then, he saw a pale hand materialized, and take it from him.

For once, he was able to see his comrade in all of this. She was about the same height as him, with long, unkempt blonde hair, and a green sweater covering her body. He was… mesmerized by her form, if only because he was finally able to see it.

"I never showed myself before because astral projection like this takes too much mental energy." He could actually see her speak. Her voice still resounded around his head like he was wearing earbuds, but he could see her lips move, watch her eyes communicate humour at the scenario, see the quirks of her head inclining and declining with every idea. "But, this is important."

Gripping the coin in her hand- her physical hand , she seemed to concentrate on it, until eventually, she reopened it. In place of the coin were now two identical ones, and quite a rare sight they were. The discontinued Fifty Cent coins had an uncanny effect, where they looked newly minted despite that being logistically impossible. Then again, time travel was infinitely more impossible than making coins, so he really shouldn't be surprised.

"These represent the values of the change you seek." She spoke, using her other hand to hold up one of them. "This represents the desire for spiritual change, while this one…" she switched to the other coin, "Represents the desire for mental change."

"Wouldn't those be the same thing?"

She giggled, a hand half covered by the cuff of her sweater reaching her lips. "No, the spiritual and mental are distinct. The spiritual desire for change can be described as wanting to rid yourself of that pit in your stomach, while the mental coin would be the desire to change and evolve in understanding."

"So… you want me to take the spiritual one?" The uncomfortable look in her eyes said it all. "If not, then the mental one?"

"It… would be best to not take either one." She said, looking at the two coins she held. Cody was perplexed by this, but she continued her explanation. "Ideally, you should understand the true meaning of all of this before taking either one, or both of them. Taking the spiritual one would ease your pain, but how you channel your mind after that could have terrible consequences. The same is true of the mental one."

"But… what would those consequences even be?"

"The last loop, your one hundred and seventh one." The girl spoke, causing Cody to shudder at the reminder of the number. "After what happened with Gwen, your mental state collapsed. I… spent a long time nursing you back to health, but it's taken a toll on you already, and everything about this loop is… worrying."

"What's worrying about it?"

"You." It was a pointed response, one that took Cody aback briefly. "You've changed drastically over these one hundred and eight loops, but what happened just now was far too much."

Cody didn't respond. He knew everything he had done in this cycle was wrong, but what happened to Noah was especially awful. His own fears and self-loathing led to Noah becoming a victim of the very thing he resented most… complete loss of control and agency.

"There is another reason I'm telling you all of this though." The girl caught Cody's attention once more. "Taking the spiritual change will absolve Noah of his knowledge about this. This coin represents agency over your spiritual health, and the burdens that it carries. If you take it, you will become fully aware of all that entails, but you will protect yourself from Noah's intrusions."

"So… is this the only option?"

"You have two options." The girl sat on the stump- the stump Gwen sat on , and looked at him, raising a finger. "The first is to take the spiritual change yourself, and carry the burden that weighs upon your consciousness yourself."

"The second option," she held up another finger, "would be to allow someone else to take it for you, and share that burden. It would not be unlike how Noah was able to view inside your mind, but you would have a choice in who that person should be."

"Any other options?" Cody doubted there was anyone he wanted for the second one.

"You run away." It wasn't harsh, but it wasn't exactly positive either. Just a statement of fact. "Run into the next loop and leave these burdens behind. I won't judge." The cutesy way she said the last section felt at odds with their entire relationship thus far, but Cody decided not to question it.

"I can't run away, not after everything you and Alejandro have said." But, that left only two options. To carry his burdens on his own… or to find someone to share them.

He thought back to Alejandro's final words, how he and Heather shared the burden of Cody's death. That Alejandro couldn't abandon her to live in the past because of it. It was a beautiful idea, albeit the focus on someone else's death made it a bit morbid.

He thought about everyone on the island. There were many he couldn't stand, but he still felt lingering love for them. Lingering love and regret, the fact that he could never look any of them in the eyes after all he had done weighing heavily on his soul. To share his burdens with one of them… was sick. To make them suffer, and then ask for one of them to ease his suffering.

Just as Cody was about to take the coin for himself though, the girl's voice spoke.

"If you need someone to carry that burden, I can do that."

Her sweet gesture gave Cody pause. "Will there be any issues with that?"

"Our distance will fracture your spiritual health should we do that, but I can sense your unease about any of the other options. If it's needed, I can help you."

"What do you mean fracture?"

"Like what happened after the last loop. You came to this one far more ruthless and antagonistic due to it."

Cody blinked. Yeah, he had been more cutthroat, but he always felt bad about it, right? Plus, some of those guys… deserved it…

Oh.

Cody sat in deep thought for a few minutes. Occasionally, he glanced up at the girl who merely looked back at him, his silent debate seemingly transparent to her. No decision here was ideal… but he didn't deserve an ideal choice after all of this.

"What's your name?"

"Dawn."

"Why did you follow me through these loops?"

"I felt your aura's conflict, and astrally projected to the heart of it. I wanted to help you heal."

Cody smiled. He stood and walked over to the girl, and wrapped his hands around her closed one- the one containing the two coins.

"Please, take it."

She smiled, as if expecting this outcome. Opening her hand, she returned to Cody the mental change, and held the spiritual change in the air. She examined it momentarily, before dropping it into her mouth and swallowing.

"I'll come back when this is all over."

She faded away, leaving Cody alone once more.

Cody smiled, the weight on his shoulders lessened, but the pit in his stomach remained.

Loop 0004

Cody sat on the boat of losers, still filthy, cut up, and in complete despair.

Noah had ensured his loss, and Chef gave Noah points for not looking as pathetic as Cody. To come so close and to have it all taken away so quickly… Cody wanted to just roll over and die, but that would just get him sent back to the start anyways.

"How do I get out of this!" At first, the idea of infinite attempts at Total Drama Island was tantalizing, but now all he felt was despair. Knowing that at this rate, he would have to betray everyone he cared for just to escape this cycle, was this worth it at all?

"I can help you." A feminine voice sounded inside his head. Cody whirled around, alert and looking for the speaker, only to receive a soft giggle in response.

"Crap, I'm going insane now huh." Cody whimpered, clutching his head in frustration.

"Maybe you are. But, you have me around to ease the problem at least?" The voice was completely unfamiliar to Cody, but he was happy by the softness of it. His own thoughts were too rough and obnoxious despite them being his own.

"What are you supposed to be?" Cody asked, genuinely curious. "Some kind of God? My consciousness? The secret part of me that wants to be a girl?"

The giggling came again. "I came all this way to help you. I won't be much help in the game, but I'll make sure you don't crumble under all of this pressure, and maybe… I can help you find a way to escape?"

Cody brightened up at that. Finally, things were looking up!