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Topic: This week's Announcements(Special Edition)
In: Boards Places Prophet's Den of Degeneracy Announcements (Public Board)
Prophet (Original Poster) (Verified Eldritch-hivemind) (Verified Precog)
Posted on March 7th, 2011:
Yo fellas, Prophet here. Hope you all enjoyed the last week- we certainly did so.
@Weaver's introduction to the world of parahumans was in one word- glorious. We had the fortune to be in one of the rare few worlds where her morals are flexible enough for her to be a good vigilante/anti-hero.
Though that was to be expected from the infamous Queen of Escalation. I'll clarify it this instant- no, we aren't going to answer any questions regarding why she got those titles. Those intelligent (and informed) enough will be able to piece together the information themselves.
If it's any consolation @Weaver, the titles are from a timeline that has already been fucked over by your neighborhood eldritch hivemind's interference.
Though knowing your personality, the title of Queen of Escalation would suit you in every incarnation of yours. That stubborn and unyielding nature of yours is as protagonist-status worthy as PanPan's stubbornness.
In other news, I was nearly booted out of the position of the hivemind administrator due to some of the factions agreeing that we hadn't sowed enough chaos to plunge the world into disaster.
Somehow every action of ours is improving the world and that was unacceptable to the Chaos factions. Still, they forgot who they were dealing with. I made short work of them- a certain formal git might or might not have helped me.
As some might have noticed, this week's announcements are of the special edition. What does this mean? Well this means that alongside the three usual tidbits we focus on one major secret to be shared with you.
The frequency of those events is to be once every ten instantiations in the universal engine. For those less eldritch, a rough estimate of once every month is sufficiently accurate. It is however subject to the hivemind entropic chaos appreciation metric.
What all this technobabble means is that you morons are going to gain a world shattering information every month(or the rough estimate).
Firstly, some messages on behalf of both myself and the greater hivemind.
@ScaryFedoraLady, your attempt in trying to "trail" us is both noticed and heartily applauded. It is fucking amusing to see the fucking boogeyman running around in circles. Do continue to try that. The hivemind enjoys your misadventures.
The loaf saga has been a marvel to watch. I do have a question though- have you decided whether to name Mr.Bread/Loaf 'Fruity' or 'Lemon'? The hivemind is however looking forward to the next step your wayfaring friend will send you on.
Do take into account that just because we currently enjoy what you do in the shadows, it won't prevent us from dragging it all to the light. If whim strikes us, your secrets shall be bare for the world to see. Your organization has enough juicy secrets that are chaotic enough for us to release. Tell the doctor who is certainly not a mother that God complex doesn't do us justice. After all, this world is merely our plaything(even if we are largely benevolent).
@Glitzglam take a left as soon as you read it and buy some fucking Ibuprofen in the pharmacy in front of you(you'll read this at the exact moment). Your new girlfriend has been praying to any god that will listen for some for the past hour- which included our distinguished eldritch self recently. It is the first time we have been worshipped by someone relevant like that. Normally we tune out the prayers but she was interesting enough for the wards to be bypassed.
Let me tell you- it feels creepy as fuck to be the recipient of a prayer. I'll never understand Cthulu's fascination with his cult. Also please aid her before she moves on to the Lovecraft mythos. I owe Yog-Sothoth some lunch money(it's the closest human equivalent) and the last time he came to collect involved some collateral damage. So it would be best to avoid his attention for now.
SpecificProtagonist the ban on male love interest has been upheld in the eldritch hivemind court of shipping, but some of our cultured factions have added an addendum about some of the more... blurry lines that you have suggested. I will be in contact with you as soon as the shouting in our head stops.
@Reave you can stop trying to figure out Bagrat's sources. Even we had a hard time(equivalent to human time: a thousandth of nanosecond) deciphering his byzantine connection that grants him such omniscience of the world. We may or may not troll the fellow in upcoming updates. Knowledge is such a fickle thing after all.
Winged_One we promised you to be free and you shall be. Still the hivemind had decreed that chaos shall be had and so it will be done. Chaos for the chaos god, dear readers! Muaahahahhaa!
Also, you are free to remind the high priest that your captivity is temporary and turnabout is fair play. Should he make any outlandish demands of you, you can fuck him over. Us omniscient assholes look forward to you joining our little mischief club…well, after a few eons if things go as well as we predict. We also eagerly await the chaos that you will sow in the meantime.
Well, here are this week's normal announcements:
1. If Teacher (Benjamin Terrell) gets out of the Birdcage, he could possibly end up conquering the world. Nothing could stop him in his path to victory(unless somehow the local illuminati survived their plan's fulfillment). It would be better if he died. And he has a way to communicate outside. Not that we are telling you to kill him. That man is far more interesting when kept alive.
2. Accord became a villain because he made several plans that would solve a lot of global problems. The twist is that people gotta be morons and screwed him over. That's why he went "Fine, I'll do it myself."(P.S- Why do governing bodies always turn out to be utter shit in superhero worlds? Food for thought.)
3. Eidolon owes three kids and 17 unborn fetuses child support money. I'll let you all figure out who the other parent(s) is/are. I think we have enough credibility for this information to be taken at face value.
[Proof of Benjamin Terell's communication network] [Proof of Teacher's cunning]
[Authority figures screwing Accord over]
And now we move onto the Major announcement. Keep in mind that we'll not be able to provide proof behind this due to the truth being far above the comprehension of mortal minds:
The Endbringers are constructs- or rather they are immensely advanced and powerful Machines carrying out their programing. Of course, they were programmed into being weapons of mass destruction. Originally built by Scion's dead wife, they have fallen under the control of a certain powerful cape after her death.
With an intense subconscious need to face worthy opponents, the cape unintentionally activated Terror Drones known to you all as Simurgh, Leviathan and Behemoth. Were said cape made consciously aware of this fact, he could potentially control the Endbringers directly. (Note that this is a big IF and that we don't guarantee that the cape will be able to control the Endbringers directly.)
Of course, this is under the assumption that the guilt doesn't cause him to kill himself. Kurt, you are to make sure of this. While we like chaos, we have no intention to doom several earths to their destruction. The cape's death would make the darn things go rogue, with nobody controlling them. Yes David, we are talking about you!
[Proof of Endbringers being mastered](P.S- Their behaviour makes no fucking sense otherwise.)
(Showing Page 56 of 1273)
Dragon (Verified Cape) (Guild Affiliated) (Verified AI)
Replied On March 7th 2011:
@LotusRed I would like to say this once again- there is practically zero chance of prophet having known this beforehand. Even with their god-complex making them add extra flair in their messages, they admitted that they could only get such information once a month.
Their Thinker powers may be bullshit but Thinkers are known to sometimes get vital information only in the heat of the moment.
That must have been the case with Prophet. As for why they didn't reveal the cape's identity, I think it's clear due to all the death threats(most of them by capes themselves). Endbringers have taken a lot from all of us. If the cape was identified, they would be killed even if it took hundreds of capes to do so.
And we know(I trust Prophet at least this much) that if 'David' died, the Endbringers would go berserk. For God's sake, we barely manage to fend off one of them every 3 months- what would happen if all 3 were active continuously. The world would definitely end if that happened.
Crybaby (Cape Wife)
Replied On Mar 7th 2011:
Surprisingly, I agree with Dragon. Out of 56 pages, around 40 are filled with death threats to 'David' and Prophet. I think that it was wise of Prophet to hide the cape's identity. Also, why is no one discussing that Scion's wife designed those monsters. This is proof that Scion is bound to be an alien or a God. Because nothing else makes any motherfucking sense.
The Golden idiot is nigh omnipotent and his wife created those damned monsters. My husband died to the fucking 'Hero Killer' and that monster is just one of the three.
Ember89015
Replied On Mar 7th 2011:
Kill yourself, you murderer! Die 'David', die! And then rot in hell for all eternity.
PriestJesu71561
Replied On Mar 7th 2011:
Scion is our God. His wife must have been like Lucifer- evil but still beloved by God. After all, God loves all. She created those demons to start the end times and died for her insolence.
Still, our God couldn't help but mourn his wife. The demons known as Endbringers are coming to reap our souls, the people of Earth Bet. Become pious for Scion shall give your salvation. The end times are here!
Bagrat (Veteran Member) (The Guy in the Know)
Replied On Mar 7th 2011:
I didn't think it would take this long for the religious zealots to show up.
For everyone who is spouting death threats, CALM DOWN!
We need the bastard who unconsciously controlled Endbringers to somehow consciously control them. Yes, we don't know whether or not they'll just take over the world with the threat of Endbringers. But that is preferable to all three fucking Endbringers being released in the wild. I didn't think I would say this someday but here we are- at least we have Endbringer attacks every three months for a few hours.
If 'David' is killed or does suicide, our planet will be wiped off the solar system. We are not prepared to fend off all 3 of those demons continuously. For God's sake, a few hours of their attacks is enough to kill 1/3rd of the capes participating in the fight.
Let me tell you- I crapped my pants after reading the proof about them being mastered and that there is a high chance of the monsters sandbagging due to their blasted programming. That's fucking terrifying. Each one of them was enough to wreck Earth's civilization. I don't want to imagine what all three working in tandem could do.
Also, there is a fucking illuminati(not that it was a shock to any of us) on our earth.
In a less serious vein, I understand your pain, Accord. Governments can be a pain in the ass a lot of the time.
Reave (Verified PRT Agent)
Replied On Mar 7th 2011:
Not even going to defend that. I may be a PRT agent but I am not a government lapdog. Shitty decisions seem to be the theme across the world. Accord's case is sadly not that rare. Why do you think there are so many supervillains abound? The system manages to screw over a lot of people whether intentionally or unintentionally.
BrokenWings (Verified Valefor fangirl)
Replied On Mar 7th 2011:
No! No! This is fake. There is no way our Angel is controlled by a fucking cape. I refuse to believe it. Valefor, answer me! ANSWER ME!
CadmusInitiate (Verified cape)
Replied On Mar 7th 2011:
So…nobody is going to discuss the fact that Accord could have ended world hunger if given the chance and the government just decided to screw him over because of shits and giggles? How the fuck did no one even read his hypothesis?
I checked it and the document was enlightening to say the least. Yeah, the measures are so complex that they are almost doomed to fail but even if his plans don't fully work, they would provide significant upgrades. This is the reason why villains and rogues outnumber the 'heroes'. Fucking governments.
Also, this has somehow managed to destroy whatever trust I had in Watchdog. Of course, a government sanctioned organization was going to be shit.
Just one thing before I leave this thread full of death threats- I didn't take Eidolon for a manwhore. Then again, I don't know the guy personally. Do any of you think that one of those kids came from Alexandria? I mean…they are close and Alexandria hasn't been in a relationship as far as I know.
MyloveinMarch
Replied On Mar 7th 2011:
Nobody cares about Accord, Cadmus. He is barely a city level villain while the Endbringers are a world level threat. Also, this isn't the Cape-shipping forum you asshole. So, can we get back to the topic?
If you are reading this David, please control those abominations- I beg of you. I don't care whether you take over the world with their help or not. It would certainly be better than living under the tender mercies of those monsters.
Please! I beg of you.
Deimos (Kyushu Survivor)
Replied On Mar 7th 2011:
Our economy being controlled by a former S9 member, Alexandria running a nationwide scam, S9 being completely dismantled, the Illuminati being an actual thing and now Endbringers being controlled by a fucking cape- are we sure we aren't living in a grimderp fantasy cooked up by a torture-fetishist?
Who am I kidding- we probably are. Conspiracies upon conspiracies- can we catch a break? David, control/destroy those monsters, you cocksucking bastard of a saggy whore. That's the least you can do to atone for your sins, you motherfucker.
@Acree, I would like to disagree. Eidolon being a manwhore does not make him a bad person just like Alexandria running a scam doesn't make her one. Cape life expectancy is incredibly low. Even someone as powerful as Eidolon can be shanked anytime due to the multitude of enemies he has made.
Him being a sex fiend is natural considering the dangers he subjects himself to. Still, I agree that he shouldn't delay the child support money, now that he knows of his bastards.
End of Page. 1,2,3,4,5 ...54,55,56...1271,1272,1273.
A/N: Voting for the next announcements open. You can submit your Good, Neutral and Chaos Votes now.