Chapter 71

After the afternoon at the lake, Emma's health deteriorated rapidly. It almost seemed as if she had wanted to see the town one last time and spend time with her family before making her peace with the thought that the end was near.

Regina and Henry, however, couldn't and wouldn't accept it and acted as if it were just bad days, of which Emma had already had a few, before things started to improve again.

"Didn't you feel like going with your mom?" Zelena wanted to know as she fed Robin and watched Henry do his homework at the kitchen table, hunched over a book.

"She prefers one of us to be here at all times," he admitted, raising his eyes to his aunt. "She trusts you," he added immediately when he saw her sour face, "but she'd never forgive herself if something happened to Emma while we were both gone," he admitted honestly, sighing as he folded his arms on the table in front of him.

Zelena lowered the spoon she had been feeding Robin with and eyed her nephew. "It would do you two good to get out of here together for a change. It literally smells like death in here."

Henry's gaze darkened a little. "It's Emma you're talking about!" he snapped at her.

"I know that. And I didn't mean it in a derogatory way. Believe me, Emma would be the first to wish you'd get out and not spend all day in this mausoleum here." She rolled her eyes briefly as she realized that once again she should have chosen her words more carefully. "Okay, sorry. I'll shut up already."

Sighing, Henry looked away from her and into Robin's beaming face, who thankfully didn't understand any of this yet. "You're right, you know. But I just can't." With that, he pushed his books together into a pile that he tucked under his arm. "I'll be upstairs... Please let me know if Ma asks for me."

Zelena nodded and looked after him before she was jolted out of her thoughts by Robin's pawing hands on the table, claiming the rest of her lunch that way. "It's okay, sweetheart. Sorry, Mommy was in thoughts for a moment," she explained gently, forcing a smile to her lips. Lately, she often thought about what would become of Robin should she meet a fate similar to Emma's. While Henry and Neal had a large family, she could only brag about her sister, who would be busy with herself after losing Emma. Of course, she was no longer the outsider she once was, but she couldn't for the life of her imagine that her attachment to the Charmings extended to the point where they would raise her child. A short time later, when Robin shook her head to indicate that she was full, she wiped her mouth clean and then sat her on the floor so she could crawl to her toys. After cleaning up and wiping down the table, she followed her daughter into the living room, where she first stopped, frozen, before quickly snatching Robin up off the floor and pulling her into her arms. "Emma!" it escaped her, equal parts terrified and angry.

Emma, clad in a black jogging suit and with her gray beanie on her head, sat on the carpet on the floor, her back and head leaning against the side of the sofa, staring into a photo album opened in front of her. She was pale and short of breath, though she had put on the nasal cannula that supplied her with oxygen. But it was not Emma's sight that had sent Zelena into a momentary state of shock, but the countless pills scattered on the floor around her. Only slowly did she raise her head in Zelena's direction, looking at her with dull eyes.

"What the hell are you doing?" Zelena wanted to know, setting her daughter down in the playpen in the corner of the room to keep her out of danger. "Robin's a toddler, she's putting everything she finds in her mouth!" she yelled, feeling tears welling up in her eyes. Just a moment ago she had been thinking about what would happen if she died; never did she want to imagine losing her child instead.

"I'm sorry," Emma whispered barely audibly, closing her eyes for a moment before fixing her gaze on the floor and, with it, the empty pill bottles and their scattered contents lying around. "I was wondering... how many and which ones I'd have to take to finish it."

Zelena's scarlet face instantly drained of color as she sank to her knees beside Emma, grabbing her under the chin and turning her head around to face her. "Did you swallow any of it?" she wanted to know in a panic. To her relief, Emma shook her head.

"No more than I should," she replied sluggishly, putting a hand to her forehead as soon as Zelena let go of her again. "I have a headache," she admitted, closing her eyes again as she drew in a strained breath and coughed briefly.

"Why are you squatting on the floor anyway?", Zelena wanted to know and started picking up the pills with her hands and throwing them into Regina's fruit bowl, which had been sitting empty on the coffee table. In any case, it was futile to try to separate the various medications now.

Emma remained silent. She had no answer herself. Weak as she was, she had dragged herself ponderously to the drawer with her medications in search of a painkiller, seeing the photo album lying on the cabinet. She hadn't bothered to go back to the bed and instead settled cross-legged on the floor. "My back hurts from lying down," she finally said truthfully, even though that wasn't the original reason, because there simply wasn't one.

"So you thought, 'Oh, what the hell, I'll just kill myself?" Zelena snorted, dropping the ceramic bowl back onto the table ungently.

The unpleasantly loud clang made Emma close her eyes and screw up her face. "Could you maybe be a little quieter?"

"You know what? No, I can't! What were you thinking? Were you thinking anything at all?" she raged on.

Emma sighed and looked up at her. "If you knew you were going to die, wouldn't you take every opportunity to make it happen at least on your terms?" she wanted to know quietly, taxing her with her dull gaze.

Snorting, Zelena settled down beside her and leaned against the couch as well, arms folded on her knees. "Probably. But first and foremost, I would try not to die. I even traveled to the past and back to live," she reminded her.

"And you think I didn't try?" Emma asked tonelessly, her gaze once again fixed on the photo album, one hand on her aching chest.

"I think you gave up too quickly," Zelena countered, following her gaze. The photo, which she fixed nonstop, showed Emma and Regina, both beaming. Emma was wearing her usual red leather jacket over a white tank top and her gray beanie on her head, and Regina was dressed in one of Emma's lumberjack shirts and a pair of jeans, sitting on her back. "You promised you wouldn't hurt Regina. What happened to that?"

"Do you really think I'm enjoying all this? I'm dying, Zelena! I'm trying to carry on normally, still want to say so many things to Henry, comfort Regina and be there for her, but I'm running out of time." Frustrated, she slammed the album shut and massaged her temple. "It's always so easy for you guys, 'Hang in there, Emma. Keep going, Emma.' It's not that simple, though. I don't want to die. But what's the alternative? Painful treatments that might give me a few more months and then? The result would be the same."

At this, Zelena was silent and only raised her head when she heard a key being slid into the lock of the front door and turned around. "Great, now Regina's back," she snorted, looking around the living room. She had collected most of the pills, but she would still have to get the vacuum cleaner later and vacuum thoroughly so as not to miss anything.

"What happened here?" Regina wanted to know horrified as soon as she had entered the living room. In the doorway, she dropped her purse and sanitized her hands before rushing to Emma, squatting in front of her and gently grabbing her by the shoulders. "Did you fall?"

"No, I'm fine," Emma assured her immediately, casting a pleading look at Zelena not to give her away.

Zelena cleared her throat and ran her fingers through her open curls. "Yeah, everything's fine," she nodded in confirmation. "Emma just wanted to get out of bed and look at some photos," she explained, taking advantage of the moment when Regina was eyeing the album to make another pill disappear that she had missed earlier.

Regina couldn't really believe the story, which was clearly evident from a raised brow, but for the moment she said nothing. Instead, her expression turned sad as she recognized that the album was the one Emma had given her for Christmas. "And you want to keep sitting on the floor now, or...?" she finally asked.

"I guess the sofa would be okay, too," Emma responded, trying on a wry grin and pushing herself from the floor to get to her feet.

The sisters helped Emma to the sofa, where Regina put a blanket on her legs and tucked it around her.

"It's fine, thank you," her girlfriend interrupted her with an endeavoring gentle smile and held her by the wrist. "Make yourself comfortable first. Zelena's here, after all, and I'm resting now anyway."

Regina looked into her eyes for a while before nodding hesitantly. "Alright then, I'll change and unpack the groceries."

Nodding, Emma squeezed her hand briefly before withdrawing hers and looking after her as she left the room.

"How are you going to explain to her that all your pills are in a wild mess in her fruit bowl?", Zelena wanted to know dryly, as soon as her sister had left the room.

"After all, she doesn't have to know if you make them disappear," Emma returned.

At that, Zelena crossed her arms in front of her chest and nodded ironically. "Exactly, and since she's such a messy person, I'm sure she won't notice that the bowl is missing. And since Henry takes care of your medication intake, she won't notice that all the bottles are empty either. A really airtight plan. Nothing can go wrong. Just brilliant."

"Zelena, come on..." Emma said pleadingly, who was counting on her support and was also depending on it.

"Do you actually realize what you're asking me to do? It's not just that I should lie to Regina or keep something from her, because I could handle that in general. Rather, it's the thing you want me to keep from her. You thought about killing yourself, damn it!" she hissed at her.

"But only thought about it. It's not like you found me with my wrists slashed," she pointed out, rolling her eyes. "Is it already illegal to think about anything now?"

"As far as that's concerned, yes! And putting yourself in a sea of pills isn't simple thinking anymore, either. Anyway. If you don't tell her, then I will."

"Zelena, please. What do you want me to tell her? 'Oh, by the way, I was thinking about taking my own life earlier. I just wanted you to know that'?" Emma snorted and closed her eyes. She was having a hard time breathing, and all the talking was consuming all of her strength. "I'm putting her through enough already, she doesn't need to deal with this. I'm not going to kill myself, I swear."

"Says the woman with cabinets full of opiates and a terminal illness," Zelena snorted.

"Don't tell her," Emma pleaded quietly, her face serious. "I... thought about it, seriously considered it, I admit. But I didn't do it because I couldn't do it to either of you to find me like this. And that reason still stands; so you can trust me when I say that this subject is off my mind."

Torn as to what to do, Zelena dropped down on the couch next to Emma with a frustrated groan and blew a few strands of hair out of her forehead. "You really don't make it easy," she noted bitterly.

"But you, as my favorite sister-in-law, should know that I would never take advantage of your magnanimity," Emma smirked, coughing again.

With a somber look and a raised brow, Zelena turned her head toward her. "Don't go overboard!"

"Sorry," Emma smiled, and the next moment dropped her head back. Suddenly, the fatigue seemed to get worse and worse, really pressing her down, while she hastily gasped for air, feeling like she was suffocating from the fluid in her lungs.

"Emma?" Zelena immediately asked anxiously, who reached for her hand, feeling how icy cold Emma's skin felt.

"I'm fine," the young woman murmured, whose breaths were shallow and raspy.

Zelena, however, was not convinced and leaned closer to her. "Your lips are turning blue!" she noted in horror, shaking her by the shoulder to keep her awake.

Exhausted, Emma opened her eyes and looked unfocused in her direction. "Calm down," she whispered, barely audible, before her eyelids fell shut again and pink foam ran from the corner of her mouth with another cough.

Again, Zelena shook her, but this time Emma did not respond. Instead, her head slid to the side. Zelena could no longer think. She only managed to scream Regina's name.

"... her will."

"I don't care!"

"We can't do this, Regina."

Fluttering, Emma's eyes opened to stare at the far too white ceiling above her. A cough brewed in her throat and it took all her strength to comply with the reflex.

"She's waking up! Emma! Emma, can you hear me?" Regina leaned over her and closed her fingers around Emma's limp hand that rested on the bedspread.

"Give her a few moments," Heart replied gently, placing a hand on Regina's shoulder, who then pulled back a bit to give her space. "Let's talk more later. And especially not in front of her."

Regina nodded, then turned her full attention back to her girlfriend, who lay in the bed covered by wires and tubes and wrapped in a yellow hospital nightgown, her skin translucent and her breathing so shallow that it would have been hard to tell if she was breathing at all without the monitor.

As Dr. Heart left the room and stepped into the hallway, she was immediately stopped by Zelena, who had paced up and down outside the room.

"Hello, excuse me, I... I'm Regina's sister," she explained erratically, taking a deep breath. "I... well I found Emma two hours ago and she... well, she had poured out her pills and said she had thought about killing herself and then didn't want to do it anymore and I believed her, but do you think maybe she lied to me and that's why she's so bad now?" she blurted out upset.

The doctor gave her a wry, sympathetic smile and placed a hand reassuringly on her forearm. "She didn't lie to you. There's nothing to indicate drug intoxication. Emma developed acute pulmonary edema, which is why she couldn't breathe. Unfortunately, this is a common complication of kidney failure. Don't worry about it, it's not your fault. Please excuse me now." With that, she gave Zelena another encouraging smile and left the ward with long strides.

Relieved, Zelena's shoulders slumped and she ran her hand over her face. She couldn't let the situation get the better of her now. Henry was waiting outside with Robin, since children weren't allowed in the ICU, and she didn't want to leave him alone with her forever while his mother lay in here more dead than alive. But she also didn't want to just leave without saying goodbye to Regina, so she quietly pushed open the door of the hospital room and stepped up next to her sister, who had tear tracks running down her cheeks and was clinging to Emma's hand. "How is she?" she wanted to know quietly, putting a hand on Regina's shoulder.

Regina just shook her head in reply and chewed on her lip. She knew that only a choked gasp would leave her larynx if she tried to speak and thus merely swallowed past the lump in her throat.

"I'm going home with Robin... Please let me know if you need me," she pleaded, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

With quivering lips, Regina nodded barely noticeably and sniffled lightly before running the sleeve of her blouse over her eyes and then immediately clutching Emma's hand again.

Slowly, Zelena withdrew with her eyes lowered after looking at Emma's emaciated form for a while longer. She wondered if she should say goodbye to her, but then decided on a silent farewell and left the room and the ward.

Henry shot up from the chair he had been sitting in with Robin in his arms, when Zelena had barely stepped out into the hallway. "How's Ma?" he demanded to know immediately, hugging his cousin protectively.

"You should go see her now. Thanks for watching Robin," she said evasively as she took the girl from him and then pulled him into a tight hug. "Call me if you think your mom needs someone, okay?" she asked softly.

"Okay," Henry replied just as calmly. He was no longer a small child, and the fact that she had dodged his question and assumed that Regina would need support made him suspect the worst. With heavy steps, he entered the ward and then his mother's hospital room. Wordlessly, he glanced at his mom, who was slumped at her girlfriend's bedside, staring into space, before he took a seat at Emma's other side and grasped her second hand. Her skin was so cold and each of her strained raspy breaths behind the oxygen mask made him wince.

Emma's eyes were half open and she partially caught what was happening around her, but she lacked the strength to react in any way. Her body ached and every breath burned as if she were trying to breathe underwater. This must be what it felt like to drown. She tried to focus on the pleasantly warm fingers of her loved ones to block out the pain that plagued her body, but it hardly helped and soon a soft whimper escaped her, unable to stop it.

"We're here, Emma. Take it easy," Regina whispered in response, stroking the tears from Emma's cheeks. She didn't get the impression that her girlfriend was completely awake and doubted that she had any control over her reactions.

"Mom?" Henry's gaze was fixed on Regina, who was still leaning over Emma.

Slowly she looked up, her eyes full of pain. She was afraid of his question and even more afraid of having to answer it honestly.

"What did the doctor say? She... is she dying? Is it time?" he wanted to know in a whisper.

Regina took a deep breath and pressed a hand to her face. She tried to answer, but no sound left her lips. Instead, her shoulders began to shake violently.

With a soft squeak of chair legs on the linoleum floor, Henry stood up, rounded the bed, and wrapped his arms around his mother from behind.

Immediately Regina twisted in his embrace and in turn wrapped her arms around his middle as she began to sob uncontrollably. Once she started, she couldn't stop and, whimpering, she hugged her son tightly with one arm while her other hand closed around Emma's limp fingers again. It took her a while to calm down enough to stop shedding new tears and swallowed convulsively. "She said they can help Emma a little bit with trying to drain the fluid from her lungs through a tube right now, but... her kidneys are failing and without dialysis her condition won't improve significantly," she finally explained to him honestly, lowering her gaze to Emma's deathly pale form.

Again, Emma contorted her face uneasily and managed another weak cough. "'gina," she then muttered into the oxygen mask and took a gasping breath.

"Shh, don't speak. We're here, Emma. Henry and I are here with you. Save your strength, you hear?" Regina said effortfully gentle.

Henry's brow furrowed deeply as he gently stroked Emma's forehead. "You're doing great, Ma. We won't leave you alone, I promise," he said bravely, relieved when his mother's features seemed to relax a bit at his touch.

Regina swallowed again past the lump in her throat and gently squeezed Emma's fingers. She wondered if this was what the end looked like. If it would really end here, today. She couldn't imagine Emma just ceasing to exist. It felt impossible.

They spent about fifteen minutes in silence until a nurse slid in and recorded Emma's vital signs. "Emma's parents are out... I know you're all in an exceptional situation, but I think it would be less stressful for Emma if only two people visited her at a time," she said contritely afterwards. It was not the first time she had been on duty while Regina was visiting Emma, so she knew that the mayor was reluctant to leave her girlfriend's side, if at all. So it surprised her even more when Regina nodded and willingly rose from her seat.

"Of course, we'll take a break for a while. Come on, Henry. Your grandparents want to see Emma too," she said in a controlled manner, wrapping an arm around her boy's back as she left the hospital room with him.

Without argument, Henry went with her, merely glancing back over his shoulder before they stepped through the door. "She's going to be okay, Mom," he then said in a firm voice as they walked down the hall.

A melancholic smile settled on Regina's lips. "I wish you were right."

"No... she can do it. I just know it."

To this Regina replied nothing more. Even if they hadn't been standing in front of a completely tear-stained Snow and a dead-serious David by now, she couldn't have thought of a retort. Who was she to tell her son how to feel and what to hope for?

"Regina, Henry," Snow whimpered, wrapping her arms around Regina's slender body, who wordlessly returned the embrace.

"Hello, Grandma," Henry replied as Snow subsequently hugged him.

"Is she awake?", David wanted to know hopefully.

Regina shook her head and wrapped her arms around herself. "She's somewhere between awake and asleep," she said, "but I think she's aware us being with her and talking to her."

Again, Snow hugged Regina, stroking her back. "I'm glad she has you, so glad!" she whispered, squeezing her hand as she let it go again.

Regina nodded curtly and clenched her teeth tightly before looking back and forth between her and David. "Henry and I are going to go to the cafeteria and get something to eat... Take as much time as you need."

"Thank you, Regina," David nodded and put his arm around his wife before they slowly walked to their daughter's hospital room and disappeared inside.

"Are you sure you want something to eat?" Henry inquired cautiously of his mother.

"No," the latter replied. "But we have to. If Emma wakes up and asks us if we've eaten, we'd better be able to answer 'yes' to that question, or she'll get upset right away." Sighing, Regina rubbed her temple and ran her fingers over her cheeks to wipe away the last traces of tears. "Come on, honey."

With a nod, Henry agreed and, after they had walked half the distance to the elevator, put an arm around her slender shoulders.