From the bottom of my heart, thank you redrose1319, you've been the sole reviewer but I felt encouraged to post some more :)
I would also like to thank the 5 people who added this story to their lists (jcorr2716 & mrssena & spitlerangela & BriarRenee & JuliSt)
The Fourth time Draco Malfoy saw Hermione Granger, they hadn't seen each other in two months and he almost choked on his morning coffee. He had been busy reading on the terrace – an activity he couldn't seem to let go of ever since the war ended – when he had heard his mother greeting someone in the distance. Upon raising his head to see who it was, he had the surprise to meet two hazelnut-coloured eyes belonging to none other than Granger. It took everything in him not to spit out his coffee, but the cough that followed was painful. Granger couldn't help but let a slightly amused smirk slip across her lips, and Draco felt even more embarrassed. He lowered his head to go back to his book, trying to regain some dignity. His mother came to his rescue when she decided they'd speak in the living room, away from him. And off they went.
Draco was just about to jump back to his reading, when a particularly unpleasant memory suddenly assailed him. Granger. The Living-room. That was bound to be a disaster, he realized in horror. The witch had been tortured there a few years ago.
He jumped to his feet and bolted, trying to catch up to the two women.
-Mother, let's avoid the living-room, will you? He asked out of breath. Why not have tea in the conservatory? The sun is not strong enough yet for it to be too warm. It's a very nice morning.
Narcissa seemed surprised, but it didn't last long. She saw right through him in seconds and gave a quiet nod, suddenly very aware of the mistake she had been about to make.
-So be it, she agreed. Take our guest there, Draco, I'll go get the tea.
Draco silently berated himself, for he had no desire to spend more time than strictly necessary in Granger's presence. She unsettled him and he had nothing to say to her. But the mental image of Granger, agonizing in the middle of his living-room, did wonders to his reluctance. He had to face the reality of his past choices and apathy. Guiding Granger to a place that was less painful, that was the least he could do.
Once she was settled, she offered him a slight, grateful smile. Draco didn't know how to react, once more disrupted by the lack of familiarity in this post-war world. He gathered up as much courage as he could and dared to glance up at her.
-Lisette LeLapin... he said with great difficulty. That was interesting.
-You're welcome, she replied, slightly surprised.
-I never said I was thanking you, he shot nervously.
-Oh.
She looked like she wanted to read his mind for a minute, and he wished he could take control of his own words, but she had annihilated any form of courage he had felt a minute earlier with her nice big brown eyes.
-Thank you for taking me away from the living-room, she finally said. I appreciate the gesture.
He had nothing to say to that. And it was final. More than any other moment when he had tried to talk. How could she sit there and thank him when he had allowed her to be tortured under his eyes in this very living-room years earlier? He had done nothing to help her, he had been helpless. He felt nauseous and he had to leave the room. He couldn't breathe.
-I'm sorry... My mum's on her way, he mumbled. I'm sorry.
He fled without a second thought, too ashamed and a little sad. He had come to realize that this young witch had stopped being a filthy mudblood in his eyes long ago. And yet he had the distinct feeling that filthy words were still engraved in the flesh of her arm, indelible scars of a violent past. The nausea refused to recede, and he stayed away from Granger for the rest of the day. He'd been foolish to think he'd ever get his act together.
The fifth time Draco Malfoy saw Hermione Granger, almost another year had passed. He had successfully avoided her the whole time. Of course, he had news, his mother made sure to always let him know when she was around. His mother had seemed definitely softer when it came to the young witch, but Draco had guessed it had to do with her mother enjoying freedom. He, on the other hand, had been very efficient in running away from Granger. She made him feel way too guilty, thank you very much.
However, he found himself unable to come up with a good excuse when his mother asked him to go in her stead to a charity event. It was a tribute to fallen heroes, and the money would go to the orphans left all alone after the War. The Malfoys had spent the year distributing money to various causes to rebuild the magical world.
That year had done wonders to Draco's confidence and he managed to stay right where he was when he located Granger in the crowd. She was greeting people she knew, close to the entrance. He stayed in his corner, and, despite his better judgment, he found himself watching her. She was hard to miss to be fair. She was wearing a pretty purple dress that flew around her every time she laughed a little too loud at her interlocutors' jokes. Her face lit up at every acquaintance who came to kiss or congratulate her, and they all seemed fascinated by her, like moths attracted by candlelight. Draco himself couldn't help but follow her movements with his eyes, but he remained resolutely rooted to his spot.
He was relieved to be distracted by Blaise Zabini who came to greet him. His was a familiar face that would not provoke any unsettlement, and he was grateful for that. He forced the brunette out of his mind and picked up another glass of champagne.
…
Zabini ended up leaving the party after promising to drop by for coffee one of these days. And Draco was relieved to feel an inkling of normality in his social life. Zabini and he had never been the best of friends, but they had remained cordial most of their school time together. The idea of seeing the former Slytherin once or twice a month was a reassuring feeling to Draco : it was known territory and it could be controlled. It would be everything he needed after years of doubt and exile.
Draco cast a glance in the crowd and silently nodded when he recognized a couple of acquaintances. They raised their glasses in his direction. But Draco was already scanning the crowd again, and despite his best judgment, he knew he was looking for Granger.
When he finally found her, she was laughing – again – and he couldn't help but find it nice, it was almost familiar in this world he felt excluded from. He censored himself. He had spent seven years of his life despising the witch, and three more years being unable to speak more than three words in her presence. And now she was a familiar face in the world ? He had to be mad.
Granger must have felt his look, because she suddenly turned her head in his direction. Draco wanted nothing more than to disapparate here and then, but he fought the feeling with all he had. He was tired of lowering his head and turning his back. This time, just this once, he was going to stay right here.
He felt his knees go weak when he realized Granger was coming towards him. He summoned up as much pride as he had left and grabbed another glass of champagne to keep up appearances.
-Malfoy, she greeted, raising her glass in his direction.
-Granger, he answered – and this time he didn't mumble.
There was a clink of glasses and they both drank a little in silence.
-How's your mother? She asked.
Really? She wanted to chit-chat with him? He swore under his breath but managed an answer despite his inner battle.
-Well.
One word. He had uttered one word and that was it. He was beginning to despair : would he ever recover his flair? Oh well... He supposed no one had said he had to make sentences.
-So I was right to think she would do well in charity events, she replied with nonchalance.
-Excuse me?
He felt a surge of anger, and he forgot to hold it in. And Granger looked taken aback by his sudden outburst, but she quickly recovered and gave him a skeptical look. Draco immediately understood she was expecting insults – just like before. And the thought that she was still thinking of the idiot he had been, was killing him. He lost his ability to speak again – defeated.
-Your mother is very mundane, Granger eventually spoke up. She needs to be surrounded by powerful people and she knows how to tread in dangerous waters but also how to handle the wealthiest witches and wizards of our world. For her to find stability, it seemed logical to use her strong suit, hence charity. It's a world she was made to handle.
Draco had to admit she was right but he hated it. It was driving him insane. He was finally over his restraint in Granger's presence, humility be damned.
-So you're the reason I have been bored to no end, having to fake interest in people's god-awful stupid stories, for the last months ? That bullshit's costing me a fortune !
Granger gawked at him in surprise. He supposed she hadn't heard him articulate a complete sentence in three years, so it was something to be astonished about. At least the aggressiveness was familiar, and that's what she seemed to think when she spoke again:
-I was starting to wonder if the war had left you with mental scars, she mocked. It's been a while since I last heard your true voice.
He wanted to scream, but he was actually taken aback by the fact that she wasn't offended.
-Come on, Malfoy, she said with a smirk. Don't stop so soon, I believe you were about to insult me, weren't you ?
Three years. He had spent the last three years wondering about his behaviour and regretting the horrible person he had been. He had felt bitter disappointment after considering how rude and mean he had been with Granger, especially now that she had saved his mother's life. He had spent the last three years lowering his head, unable to utter more than a few words, acutely aware that he had used words to say horrible things before. He hadn't deserved them anymore, he had lost that priviledge. And now, in a matter of moments, Hermione Granger had made him want to forget all redemption and explode to insult her profusely. He even opened his mouth, ready to erupt, but he saw her bright brown eyes and he instantly lost his nerves.
She no longer had the humouring glimmer that made him lose his temper moments earlier, and all of a sudden she looked less radiant, sadder, withdrawn. And Malfoy instantly recognized the signs : he knew that look. That was the look she had worn in his presence for seven years. He felt nauseous and stared at the ground, suddenly very self-conscious. Three years were not enough for Granger to forget how he had bullied her relentlessly in Hogwarts and he couldn't blame her. It just made his heart ache to think how easy she had fallen back into her old defensive habits. What chance did he have of ever achieving redemption if not even time could heal these wounds?
-I don't want to argue with you, he sighed. Find someone else to keep you entertained, Granger, I need air.
She seemed shocked by his answer but he didn't stick around to analyse it. He downed his champagne glass and walked away.
Draco spotted Zabini in the gardens, the former Slytherin was smoking a cigarette, a firewhisky in hand. He waved in Draco's direction and the blond wizard joined him. He took a glass and a cigarette, any distraction would do. And Zabini gave him just that : distraction in the form of aimless, empty discussions.
…
When he came home that night, Draco let relief wash over him as he took in the calm and silence of the manor. He had survived another mundane evening, and he had built more resistance to the outside world. Little victories, but he'd take what he could, and he went upstairs to his room.
His own satisfaction disappeared the minute he slipped into bed. He couldn't help but think about Granger and how he had come so close to losing control. He couldn't explain it, but Granger had the timeless ability to make him mad. Even now that he was rid of his idiotic prejudices, even now that he knew he owed her for all the help she gave him and his mum.
He fell asleep without reaching a satisfactory conclusion on the matter of Granger, but he saw the young witch in his dreams that night.
And her pretty purple dress flew around her every time she laughed a little too loud.
Should I continue posting? :)
Merry Christmas if you celebrate it!